QWOP
November 10, 2008 5:19 PM Subscribe
QWOP is difficult. How far can you run?
I managed to stumble my way to 2 meters.
posted by Solon and Thanks at 5:26 PM on November 10, 2008
posted by Solon and Thanks at 5:26 PM on November 10, 2008
Not anymore.
posted by mollweide at 5:39 PM on November 10, 2008 [1 favorite]
posted by mollweide at 5:39 PM on November 10, 2008 [1 favorite]
Man, so Obama can't bowl, and now someone makes a flash game where he can't run either? That sucks! (We're allowed to make fun of Obama now that he's president-elect, right?)
Seriously, don't get it. Five face plants in a row. If locomotion is this hard I don't know how I get out of the bed in the morning.
posted by cjorgensen at 5:46 PM on November 10, 2008
Seriously, don't get it. Five face plants in a row. If locomotion is this hard I don't know how I get out of the bed in the morning.
posted by cjorgensen at 5:46 PM on November 10, 2008
16.2 meters, then the muscles in my forearms began to seize up.
posted by rbellon at 5:47 PM on November 10, 2008
posted by rbellon at 5:47 PM on November 10, 2008
Babies take several years to learn how to do this. I think I'll invest my game time into something with less of a learning curve.
posted by Malor at 5:47 PM on November 10, 2008
posted by Malor at 5:47 PM on November 10, 2008
100.2 Metres. (using the very unorthodox split-leg hop/bounce sprint technique) The 50m and 100m spots in the race were a little troublesome, though.
posted by Isosceles at 6:00 PM on November 10, 2008
posted by Isosceles at 6:00 PM on November 10, 2008
Just wait til you get to 50 meters....and see the first hurdle.
posted by jedicus at 6:00 PM on November 10, 2008 [1 favorite]
posted by jedicus at 6:00 PM on November 10, 2008 [1 favorite]
In the interest of full disclosure, it was my wife that got to 50 meters. But she did it by grinding along on one knee, so I don't think it counts.
posted by jedicus at 6:01 PM on November 10, 2008
posted by jedicus at 6:01 PM on November 10, 2008
Does anyone even know how it's supposed to work?
I think the goal is to faceplant as fast and as awkwardly as possible. Everyone is a winner!
posted by clearly at 6:09 PM on November 10, 2008 [1 favorite]
I think the goal is to faceplant as fast and as awkwardly as possible. Everyone is a winner!
posted by clearly at 6:09 PM on November 10, 2008 [1 favorite]
I was momentarily elated by reaching -1.7 meters, but a horrible spasm robbed me of my achievement, leaving me at -1.3, limbs flailing in ways otherwise only seen in ski accident videos.
posted by ardgedee at 6:10 PM on November 10, 2008
posted by ardgedee at 6:10 PM on November 10, 2008
Now I can get him to reliably look like that guy in R. Crumb's "Keep On Truckin'" before he flips over onto the back of his head and dies. That's an improvement, right?
posted by ardgedee at 6:17 PM on November 10, 2008 [3 favorites]
posted by ardgedee at 6:17 PM on November 10, 2008 [3 favorites]
Oh, Qwop. I half-hopped that poor son of a bitch dragging his trailing leg for 13.1 meters before I had to turn it off because I was starting to feel like a jerk.
posted by gordie at 6:18 PM on November 10, 2008 [3 favorites]
posted by gordie at 6:18 PM on November 10, 2008 [3 favorites]
For those having trouble, I'm having some success alternating between holding down QP and WO. The difficult part is making use of the forward momentum so that I don't go into any breakdance moves.
posted by mindless progress at 6:21 PM on November 10, 2008
posted by mindless progress at 6:21 PM on November 10, 2008
Brother needs some new shoes. Maybe ones that don't have their soles covered with grease.
posted by samw at 6:24 PM on November 10, 2008
posted by samw at 6:24 PM on November 10, 2008
This thing is also one hell of a flash kick simulator.
posted by penduluum at 6:25 PM on November 10, 2008
posted by penduluum at 6:25 PM on November 10, 2008
23.1 meters before I started randomly stabbing the keys and watching him have a fit.
posted by sonic meat machine at 6:34 PM on November 10, 2008
posted by sonic meat machine at 6:34 PM on November 10, 2008
PICK UP YOUR TOES, JACKASS! I'M PRESSING THE BUTTONS RIGHT!
posted by The Tensor at 6:35 PM on November 10, 2008 [4 favorites]
posted by The Tensor at 6:35 PM on November 10, 2008 [4 favorites]
I haven't seen a frustration engine this efficient in a very long time. I am FROTHING at this thing right now.
posted by penduluum at 6:45 PM on November 10, 2008 [2 favorites]
posted by penduluum at 6:45 PM on November 10, 2008 [2 favorites]
I got a pretty good awkward duck-walk-shuffle going on that looked kind of like a mild seizure, and then landed myself a solid additional 1.8 meters by falling flat on my face! :D
It's a tactic I'm workin' on, gonna combine it with some Russian stim and protein mixes and see how it turns out.
posted by six-or-six-thirty at 6:50 PM on November 10, 2008 [1 favorite]
It's a tactic I'm workin' on, gonna combine it with some Russian stim and protein mixes and see how it turns out.
posted by six-or-six-thirty at 6:50 PM on November 10, 2008 [1 favorite]
I feel like I'm torturing him.
posted by longsleeves at 6:51 PM on November 10, 2008 [1 favorite]
posted by longsleeves at 6:51 PM on November 10, 2008 [1 favorite]
I lol'd hard. 4.7 meters with some kind of demented leg-split crab walk.
posted by turgid dahlia at 7:08 PM on November 10, 2008
posted by turgid dahlia at 7:08 PM on November 10, 2008
6.5 brutal meters.
Sadly, reproduction is no longer an option for my runner after this.
posted by MasonDixon at 7:25 PM on November 10, 2008
Sadly, reproduction is no longer an option for my runner after this.
posted by MasonDixon at 7:25 PM on November 10, 2008
I got it to moon walk, goose-step, tip-toe, hell I probably made it do the fox-trot and the Charleston shuffle. But I'll be damned if i can get it to 50 meters, much less over that damn hurtle.
posted by hellojed at 7:32 PM on November 10, 2008
posted by hellojed at 7:32 PM on November 10, 2008
The comments alone for this thread literally had me choking on a piece of my wife's birthday cake. Bravo, mefites, for your ability to make me laugh!!
posted by newfers at 7:32 PM on November 10, 2008
posted by newfers at 7:32 PM on November 10, 2008
So stupid, it might just work! no, it didn't work
posted by nola at 7:45 PM on November 10, 2008 [2 favorites]
posted by nola at 7:45 PM on November 10, 2008 [2 favorites]
Geez good thing this is QWOP's only Olympic athelete. I think doing this with a discus thrower might be gruesome.
In other news, I think I'd make a pretty good opening batsman for the QWOP Test XI
posted by salishsea at 7:46 PM on November 10, 2008 [1 favorite]
In other news, I think I'd make a pretty good opening batsman for the QWOP Test XI
posted by salishsea at 7:46 PM on November 10, 2008 [1 favorite]
The embarrassing thing is that I actually do look like that when I run.
posted by Astro Zombie at 8:35 PM on November 10, 2008
posted by Astro Zombie at 8:35 PM on November 10, 2008
I just topped it off at 25.4 ...
how the hell did I do that you ask?...I cheated by sliding on one knee!
posted by SheMulp AKA Plus 1 at 10:26 PM on November 10, 2008
how the hell did I do that you ask?...I cheated by sliding on one knee!
posted by SheMulp AKA Plus 1 at 10:26 PM on November 10, 2008
I am the Usain Bolt of the 50 metres knee slide event.
posted by Serial Killer Slumber Party at 10:38 PM on November 10, 2008 [1 favorite]
posted by Serial Killer Slumber Party at 10:38 PM on November 10, 2008 [1 favorite]
I love how his heels keep slipping out of his shoes.
-2.3 meters!!
posted by jnaps at 1:29 AM on November 11, 2008
-2.3 meters!!
posted by jnaps at 1:29 AM on November 11, 2008
5.5m, after a few tries. -2.8 was by worst.
posted by stavrosthewonderchicken at 1:48 AM on November 11, 2008
posted by stavrosthewonderchicken at 1:48 AM on November 11, 2008
mindless progress has the right idea. Start off with a quick press of O to get a forward lean, then alternate outside (Q+P together) and inside (W+O together). You'll have to learn to associate the near and far leg with each motion if you want to be able to adjust your center of gravity.
Pressing Q or W slightly earlier will bring your torso forward over your center of gravity, whereas leading with O or P will land the foot closer to your body, preventing the all-too-common Guile Kickflip. Try pressing O/P just as your feet pass the center of gravity.
This game is hard, but not Kaizo Mario hard -- the fun kind of hard where it feels like you're learning something.
posted by Tzarius at 4:02 AM on November 11, 2008 [2 favorites]
Pressing Q or W slightly earlier will bring your torso forward over your center of gravity, whereas leading with O or P will land the foot closer to your body, preventing the all-too-common Guile Kickflip. Try pressing O/P just as your feet pass the center of gravity.
This game is hard, but not Kaizo Mario hard -- the fun kind of hard where it feels like you're learning something.
posted by Tzarius at 4:02 AM on November 11, 2008 [2 favorites]
Efficient control is too opaque to make this fun beyond discovering interesting ways to faceplant. Cashman: totally Chuck Berry.
posted by Emperor SnooKloze at 5:11 AM on November 11, 2008
posted by Emperor SnooKloze at 5:11 AM on November 11, 2008
1.4 meters. I couldn't even get his feet off the ground. I don't know how you freaks did it.
posted by Hactar at 6:21 AM on November 11, 2008
posted by Hactar at 6:21 AM on November 11, 2008
Think it's hard? Try it on a dvorak keyboard. I wish I could get -2.3 meters.
posted by Vulpyne at 7:01 AM on November 11, 2008
posted by Vulpyne at 7:01 AM on November 11, 2008
I can't play this anymore, because I'm laughing so hard I can't see the screen.
posted by rusty at 7:26 AM on November 11, 2008 [1 favorite]
posted by rusty at 7:26 AM on November 11, 2008 [1 favorite]
6.7 meters, coincidentally using the same running methodology I used after drinking a pint of whiskey last night. (Which is coincidentally almost exactly how far I got from the bar door before I face-planted as well.)
posted by jivadravya at 8:00 AM on November 11, 2008
posted by jivadravya at 8:00 AM on November 11, 2008
Thanks to tzarius, I've got up to 23.3m by actually running properly, and can regularly get to around 8-10m. I tripped over the hurdle at 50m by using the slightly cheating mathod of just dragging one leg.
posted by salmacis at 8:05 AM on November 11, 2008
posted by salmacis at 8:05 AM on November 11, 2008
This is almost more fun to watch other people play then to play yourself. I think that makes a good game.
posted by maus at 3:12 PM on November 11, 2008
posted by maus at 3:12 PM on November 11, 2008
-1 and +1 meters is my best... I think I'm missing something..
posted by sidartha at 8:27 AM on November 12, 2008
posted by sidartha at 8:27 AM on November 12, 2008
I got to 150 meters and there is a fucking POLE VAULT.
posted by cellphone at 9:11 AM on November 12, 2008
posted by cellphone at 9:11 AM on November 12, 2008
This is absolutely hilarious- both making him faceplant and then reading everyone's comments. I have yet to make it past 20 meters. I will celebrate with an epic, leg-flailing fall!
posted by rachaelfaith at 5:05 PM on November 12, 2008
posted by rachaelfaith at 5:05 PM on November 12, 2008
God dammit. I was just going to post this. I'm terrible at it.
posted by cortex at 1:09 PM on November 13, 2008
posted by cortex at 1:09 PM on November 13, 2008
Think it's hard? Try it on a dvorak keyboard.
Dude, try it on your fuckin' mobile.
posted by turgid dahlia at 9:00 PM on November 13, 2008
Dude, try it on your fuckin' mobile.
posted by turgid dahlia at 9:00 PM on November 13, 2008
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posted by parmanparman at 5:24 PM on November 10, 2008