Comments on: How to tell if your cat is plotting to kill you.

How to tell if your cat is plotting to kill you.

Effigy2000 — Wed, 12 Nov 2008 20:23:05 -0800

How to tell if your cat is plotting to kill you.

By: yhbc

yhbc — Wed, 12 Nov 2008 20:30:45 -0800

You have told me nothing I do not know already. My cats are always looking for signs of weakness, which is why I, as Alpha Cat, make sure to hold each of them down each evening and lick the tops of their heads thoroughly. By keeping them in their place I can assure myself of a peaceful night's sleep. The hair balls are a pain, however.

By: nickyskye

nickyskye — Wed, 12 Nov 2008 20:35:34 -0800

They're in the lap of justice.

By: Navelgazer

Navelgazer — Wed, 12 Nov 2008 20:36:56 -0800

Strangely, my two cats are comically loyal, and act like dogs much of the time, following me around, purring, and arching their backs for more petting. What I'm trying to say is that, whoever you are, my cats are better than yours.

By: turgid dahlia

turgid dahlia — Wed, 12 Nov 2008 20:43:43 -0800

There was an awesome little (actually it was quite expansive) series of mirth-stimulating cartoons about cat behaviour that I stumbled across online a while ago. I remember that the main human character was a woman who seemed to do a lot of ballet, and I'm pretty sure it was created by a guy. Any clues? I also submit that the cats I care for are better than the cats Navelgazer cares for. This is a scientific fact, though I don't have any evidence for it.

By: Cyrano

Cyrano — Wed, 12 Nov 2008 20:43:47 -0800

Well, I'm fucked.

By: longsleeves

longsleeves — Wed, 12 Nov 2008 20:46:32 -0800

How could this have left out that thing where they try to trip you so you'll fall and break your neck? And when they throw knives?

By: Cat Pie Hurts

Cat Pie Hurts — Wed, 12 Nov 2008 20:47:37 -0800

Plotting? Who do you think is posting? MEOW MOTHERFUCKERS

By: maudlin

maudlin — Wed, 12 Nov 2008 20:48:07 -0800

My cat just wants to absorb every last bit of warmth from me because winter is apparently all my fault. I brought out the heating pad earlier and was able to convince him to stay on it AND AWAY FROM ME for a few hours, but he's back now. I'll have to duct tape the little twerp to it to get any work done tomorrow. Oh, and the hives. He's going to kill me by giving me hives. I didn't used to be allergic, damn it.

By: Aquaman

Aquaman — Wed, 12 Nov 2008 20:53:52 -0800

It's a trick question: they're always plotting to kill you. Right after another nap. And maybe some ear scritches.

By: [insert clever name here]

[insert clever name here] — Wed, 12 Nov 2008 20:58:50 -0800

You know, I just was telling a friend how cats are really just trying to eat their owners, just slowly and not very successfully. But how many of us cat owner have had their share of being bitten or nibbled for no apparent reason? Why, one night, I even awoke to one of my cats quite literally latched on to my bicep muscle and had to shake her off. The next day I had to go on antibiotics for the deep puncture wounds the bitch gave me. I've heard from a paramedic that when you die, if you have cats, its pretty much a given they'll start eating you. Dogs might lie down with you and starve to death. Not cats. I'm sure mine won't even wait for my last breath to begin the feast.

By: spiderwire

spiderwire — Wed, 12 Nov 2008 20:59:49 -0800

Strangely, my two cats are comically loyal, and act like dogs much of the time, following me around, purring, and arching their backs for more petting. Isn't that just straightforward cat behavior? I taught my kitten to fetch -- I think *that* counts as dog behavior.

By: spiderwire

spiderwire — Wed, 12 Nov 2008 21:03:09 -0800

I've heard from a paramedic that when you die, if you have cats, its pretty much a given they'll start eating you. Dogs might lie down with you and starve to death. Not cats. I'm sure mine won't even wait for my last breath to begin the feast. Maybe the cat is basically trying to commit seppuku -- eat whatever poisoned the master. That or just be efficient? If my dog doesn't freaking go for help if I'm dying then he's gonna be the one on the damn menu.

By: piratebowling

piratebowling — Wed, 12 Nov 2008 21:05:30 -0800

I'm now living with two kitties, I only moved in with them about a week ago. I'm pretty sure they've already ruined my airmattress and I have no doubt they would maul me given half the chance. Still, they are so damn cute and have already become my bestest friends.

By: pompomtom

pompomtom — Wed, 12 Nov 2008 21:07:33 -0800

"Cats aren't very good at smothering people"? Either this site lies, or my cat is especially talented. (also: if I die, the cats are welcome to me. I don't see why yet another instance of dog stupidity gets lauded as some sort of virtue.)

By: honeydew

honeydew — Wed, 12 Nov 2008 21:10:18 -0800

Sign #1 that your cat is trying to kill you: It is a CAT. Honestly, people, have you ever interacted with a cat?

By: dirtynumbangelboy

dirtynumbangelboy — Wed, 12 Nov 2008 21:10:44 -0800

How to tell if your cat is plotting to kill you. It's breathing.

By: dirtynumbangelboy

dirtynumbangelboy — Wed, 12 Nov 2008 21:11:07 -0800

SCREW YOU HONEYDEW

By: nightwood

nightwood — Wed, 12 Nov 2008 21:18:10 -0800

There was an awesome little (actually it was quite expansive) series of mirth-stimulating cartoons about cat behaviour that I stumbled across online a while ago. I remember that the main human character was a woman who seemed to do a lot of ballet, and I'm pretty sure it was created by a guy. Any clues? I expect that you're talking about The Hallmarks of Felinity - a collection of 9 Chickweed Lane comic strips.

By: blue_beetle

blue_beetle — Wed, 12 Nov 2008 21:19:09 -0800

How to tell if your cat is plotting to kill you. If you have to ask, YOU'RE ALREADY DEAD.

By: rtha

rtha — Wed, 12 Nov 2008 21:19:58 -0800

I taught my kitten to fetch... One of ours came that way naturally. pretty sure they're not trying to kill us. I hope.

By: god hates math

god hates math — Wed, 12 Nov 2008 21:22:32 -0800

I just was telling a friend how cats are really just trying to eat their owners, just slowly and not very successfully. My very neurotic meezer (the one on the right) loves wrists. As I'm petting him, I can see him working his head around, so as to get the best possible angle for when he closes his mouth on my wrist. He doesn't break the skin, he just closes his teeth until it hurts enough for me to pull away. At which point I whack him on the head, and the whole process repeats itself. And then every once in a while, while I'm trying to sleep, he'll lick me. He's extremely weird, even for a cat. Even for a Siamese cat.

By: nathan_teske

nathan_teske — Wed, 12 Nov 2008 21:23:11 -0800

Strangely, my two cats are comically loyal... Navelgazer: Et tu, Mr. Jingles? Then fall, Navelgazer.

By: shadytrees

shadytrees — Wed, 12 Nov 2008 21:23:12 -0800

"No. No, those aren't cat scratches. I, uh, walked into a sharp door. It was my fault."

By: dhartung

dhartung — Wed, 12 Nov 2008 21:23:25 -0800

Well, my cat likes to sleep on my chest while I'm at the computer (a chair that leans back turns out not to be such a good idea), with his nose right at my jugular. He seems quiescent now, but I'm obviously having second thoughts.

By: allen.spaulding

allen.spaulding — Wed, 12 Nov 2008 21:29:36 -0800

My cat is industrious and hard working so I needn't worry about his moral failing like all those lesser cats. And he plays fetch and likes biting my armpits, with the firm discipline given by market forces.

By: paisley henosis

paisley henosis — Wed, 12 Nov 2008 21:30:22 -0800

How to tell if your cat is plotting to kill you. Answer: If it's breathing.

By: paisley henosis

paisley henosis — Wed, 12 Nov 2008 21:31:03 -0800

BEAT TWICE DAMMIT

By: twoleftfeet

twoleftfeet — Wed, 12 Nov 2008 21:31:44 -0800

My cat is a convicted feline.

By: dammitjim

dammitjim — Wed, 12 Nov 2008 21:39:53 -0800

They're in the lap of justice. nickyskye, you are somehow in possession of all the greatest stuff on the internet. You were made for metafilter, I guess.

By: Kronos_to_Earth

Kronos_to_Earth — Wed, 12 Nov 2008 21:40:31 -0800

ΦΦ

By: not_on_display

not_on_display — Wed, 12 Nov 2008 21:41:11 -0800

The font used on this website is a free front called Diavlo. NO SHIT! My cat's name is Diavlo!^* What are the chances? ^*Lie constructed for entertainment purposes only.

By: LordSludge

LordSludge — Wed, 12 Nov 2008 21:42:16 -0800

Now why would she do that? She's my sweet kitty!

By: netbros

netbros — Wed, 12 Nov 2008 21:44:52 -0800

Now I lay me down to sleep, I pray this cushy life to keep. I pray for toys that look like mice, And sofa cushions, soft and nice. I pray for gourmet kitty snacks, And someone nice to scratch my back, For windowsills all warm and bright, For shadows to explore at night. I pray I'll always stay real cool And keep the secret feline rule To NEVER tell a human that I WILL EAT HIM BIT BY BIT WHILE HE SLEEPS!

By: amyms

amyms — Wed, 12 Nov 2008 21:57:31 -0800

From the site: Bringing you dead animals. This isn't a gift. It's a warning. I knew it! That explains why I get a Godfatheresque-Horse-Head-In-The-Bed feeling of dread when those mutilated field mice show up on the welcome mat.

By: agress

agress — Wed, 12 Nov 2008 21:59:34 -0800

So wait, does this mean that Diavlo is also trying to kill me? I'm confused...

By: davidmsc

davidmsc — Wed, 12 Nov 2008 22:06:42 -0800

It's true. It's all true. And yet we are powerless - well, some of us - to resist their feline charm. Why, dammit? WHY?

By: JohnnyGunn

JohnnyGunn — Wed, 12 Nov 2008 22:08:14 -0800

I have no doubt that I am still breathing at the whim of my three cats. Every breath I take I thank them. Borrowed time I tell you. I keep them away by making tin foil balls out of pieces of my tin foil hat. My concern is how I keep them from reading my mind after I use the foil for the balls. Decisions decisions.

By: Ron Thanagar

Ron Thanagar — Wed, 12 Nov 2008 22:11:17 -0800

If cats had thumbs, we'd all be dead.

By: Auden

Auden — Wed, 12 Nov 2008 22:18:17 -0800

My cat and I have an arrangement; I give her love, food, and shelter, she gives me BRAIN PARASITES that change my personality and behavior in subtle ways. And it's worked out OK so far.

By: clearly

clearly — Wed, 12 Nov 2008 22:23:53 -0800

Maru the cat is a cardboard seeking missle.

By: hellojed

hellojed — Wed, 12 Nov 2008 22:24:06 -0800

Oh Dear...

By: clearly

clearly — Wed, 12 Nov 2008 22:24:34 -0800

er...missile... like the shooty rocket thingys...

By: louche mustachio

louche mustachio — Wed, 12 Nov 2008 22:33:41 -0800

I'm pretty sure my cat is plotting to kill me, but I have no idea why.

By: Cyrano

Cyrano — Wed, 12 Nov 2008 22:40:01 -0800

if you have cats, its pretty much a given they'll start eating you. Dogs might lie down with you and starve to death. Not cats. I'm sure mine won't even wait for my last breath to begin the feast. See, I've heard this a lot but never really understood it in the whole context of the Cats v. Dogs argument. "I want a pet that's too fucking stupid to keep itself alive" doesn't seem that compelling to me. And drop the whole "loyalty" bullshit line. My cats like me, they just don't like you. And on this sideline we're all fine with that.

By: Justinian

Justinian — Wed, 12 Nov 2008 22:48:36 -0800

Wow, that kitty is a battletech fan!

By: shakespeherian

shakespeherian — Wed, 12 Nov 2008 22:53:29 -0800

Wait this suddenly morphed into that 'awesome things about dating a unicorn' ad from a few months ago. KITTY BLUE

By: ryanrs

ryanrs — Wed, 12 Nov 2008 22:58:24 -0800

PREVIOUSLY

By: ryanrs

ryanrs — Wed, 12 Nov 2008 23:02:23 -0800

shakespeherian beat me to it.

By: iamkimiam

iamkimiam — Wed, 12 Nov 2008 23:03:02 -0800

My cat, Brain, likes to jump on my back...and haaaaang. Her plans for world domination are not so covert.

By: shakespeherian

shakespeherian — Wed, 12 Nov 2008 23:03:24 -0800

I could swear that the first time I looked at this it didn't have any of the Mingle links at the bottom. Maybe they just didn't load… or maybe CONSPIRACY

By: DiscourseMarker

DiscourseMarker — Wed, 12 Nov 2008 23:07:58 -0800

There is an 83% change my cat is trying to kill me. Now if I could only figure out which cat...

By: schyler523

schyler523 — Wed, 12 Nov 2008 23:14:41 -0800

I am not scared, since our cats seem to be more interested in attacking our feet while we sleep than our faces. I for one am not going to be the one that explains that just because the feet move more often, they are not the most important target. I <3 Cats

By: Caduceus

Caduceus — Wed, 12 Nov 2008 23:25:31 -0800

My cat, Brain, likes to jump on my back...and haaaaang. Her plans for world domination are not so covert. Whoa. You have a gremlin cat. I can see why you gave him that name.

By: Foosnark

Foosnark — Wed, 12 Nov 2008 23:31:24 -0800

Our cat steals the wok from the kitchen cabinets. No lie. A wok is a pretty difficult thing to misplace in a small apartment kitchen, but neither I nor my wife, individually nor in concert, could find it. A few days later, I heard the distinctive sounds of the cat bat at a cabinet door until it opened... and then the mewing that means "I found something and I don't know if I'm supposed to kill it, eat it, and/or be petted by it." I thought "what are the chances?" and went to investigate... and there was the wok, plain as day, in the cabinet she'd just opened.

By: ArkhanJG

ArkhanJG — Thu, 13 Nov 2008 00:06:51 -0800

Cats are simply biding their time until they figure out how to operate can openers. just because the feet move more often, they are not the most important target. No, you misunderstand. With no feet, you won't be able to escape. More fun to play with live prey for a while before eating your eyeballs.

By: ninazer0

ninazer0 — Thu, 13 Nov 2008 01:35:07 -0800

Turgid Dahlia: this one?

By: bwerdmuller

bwerdmuller — Thu, 13 Nov 2008 02:17:02 -0800

Mingle seem very good at this sort of thing. They should totally start writing content for other people.

By: Jakey

Jakey — Thu, 13 Nov 2008 02:28:23 -0800

Brings to mind the excerpt from the cat diary doing the email rounds a while back: Day 983 of my captivity. My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while the other inmates and I are fed hash or some sort of dry nuggets. Although I make my contempt for the rations perfectly clear, I nevertheless must eat something in order to keep up my strength. The only thing that keeps me going is my dream of escape. In an attempt to disgust them, I once again vomit on the carpet. Today I decapitated a mouse and dropped its headless body at their feet. I had hoped this would strike fear into their hearts, since it clearly demonstrates my capabilities. However, they merely made condescending comments about what a "good little hunter" I am. There was some sort of assembly of their accomplices tonight. I was placed in solitary confinement for the duration of the event. However, I could hear the noises and smell the food. I overheard that my confinement was due to the power of "allergies." I must learn what this means, and how to use it to my advantage. Today I was almost successful in an attempt to assassinate one of my tormentors by weaving around his feet as he was walking. I must try this again tomorrow, but at the top of the stairs. I am convinced that the other prisoners here are flunkies and snitches. The dog receives special privileges. He is regularly released, and seems to be more than willing to return. He is obviously retarded. The bird must be an informant. I observe him communicate with the guards regularly. I am certain that he reports my every move. My captors have arranged protective custody for him in an elevated cell, so he is safe. For now...

By: ChrisR

ChrisR — Thu, 13 Nov 2008 03:29:42 -0800

The Hallmarks of Felinity were previously referenced on Mefi too, Turgid Dahlia. Yes, I know that they've been linked upthread, but I wanted a little bit of credit.

By: notreally

notreally — Thu, 13 Nov 2008 03:47:14 -0800

I just was telling a friend how cats are really just trying to eat their owners, just slowly and not very successfully. Cats don't have owners. Dogs have owners. Cats have staff.

By: juiceCake

juiceCake — Thu, 13 Nov 2008 04:41:43 -0800

I saw a documentary on cats and dogs. Dogs are better.

By: flibbertigibbet

flibbertigibbet — Thu, 13 Nov 2008 05:00:37 -0800

If my dog doesn't freaking go for help if I'm dying then he's gonna be the one on the damn menu. Lassie: It's What's For Breakfast!

By: fuse theorem

fuse theorem — Thu, 13 Nov 2008 05:21:05 -0800

OMG! It's coming from inside the house! Thanks for the laugh.

By: ricochet biscuit

ricochet biscuit — Thu, 13 Nov 2008 05:28:22 -0800

Can there really be 62 comments with no mention of this?

By: Sys Rq

Sys Rq — Thu, 13 Nov 2008 05:49:12 -0800

Ah, dog people. They'll schlep half-ton bags of kibble out to their car, they'll be dragged around town on a leash several times a day, they'll bend down to pick warm feces off the street, all for a bit of ~~utter dependency~~ "loyal companionship." And somehow cat people are the pathetic losers? Cats do the darnedest things: Mine would climb onto the top of the couch and bite my scalp. I like to tell myself she wasn't hungry for brains, but rather was valiantly trying to "rescue" me, a la Roy Horn, from a lifetime of television addiction.

By: Skorgu

Skorgu — Thu, 13 Nov 2008 05:56:17 -0800

My lovely, now deceased cat Taliesin tried to smother my then-girlfriend as she slept. Somehow that didn't deter either of them.

By: Skorgu

Skorgu — Thu, 13 Nov 2008 06:04:48 -0800

And that reminds me. My local veterinary office has had somewhat of a staff problem lately, their main vet had the temerity to get pregnant leading to a string of temporary vets of varying qualities. I went in there for something or other sans-animal (probably to pick up food or drugs or something) and chaos greeted me. Not only was there a temporary vet but the normal staff/assistant/technician/receptionist/etc. was out sick. The temporary vet had brought in her assistant who was manning the desk, answering calls, etc. Except, as he explained to me, he had no idea how the billing/appointment system worked and didn't want to break it so the best he could do was write little notes for the normal staff and hope things would get ironed out in the long run. As he as explaining this to an apparently dense caller, he bent his head down to shield the phone from the noise of a crowded veterinary office. The office cat, known to all as Princess decided that this was unacceptable and proceeded to play "pay attention to me." Not one to be distracted, the poor man simply turned away and sunk a bit lower. Princess proceeded to climb onto his head and gnaw on his scalp. He did what every good cat person would under the circumstances, he reached up and scratched her behind the ears. Never lost his train of thought, never varied his tone of voice, never even moved as he was being slowly digested. Finally finished, hung up and received a round of applause from the waiting room.

By: lukemeister

lukemeister — Thu, 13 Nov 2008 06:12:11 -0800

nickyskye, Do you know where that picture was taken?

By: Wolfdog

Wolfdog — Thu, 13 Nov 2008 06:15:23 -0800

The font used on this page is at least as bad as being killed by a cat.

By: lukemeister

lukemeister — Thu, 13 Nov 2008 06:25:34 -0800

Wolfdog, Right, I don't get the heavy-metal umlauts in the sentence about jaded zombies.

By: Sys Rq

Sys Rq — Thu, 13 Nov 2008 06:26:16 -0800

their main vet had the temerity to get pregnant "To help control the vet population..."

By: grubi

grubi — Thu, 13 Nov 2008 06:31:05 -0800

Cat stereotypes. Feh. Our three cats are as non-stereotypical cat as can be. One (Bug) thinks he's a dog, another (Mouchette) thinks she's human, the third (Simon) thinks he's a monkey. Bug is frightened by any sound louder than a finger snap (except the opening of a potato chip bag or beef jerky bag) and spends 95% of his day under our bed. Mouchette is quite talkative and we have many back-and-forths between the two of us. Simon eats corn on the cob. And the cob. (As well as lettuce and asparagus.) Go figure.

By: Mister_A

Mister_A — Thu, 13 Nov 2008 06:33:22 -0800

LOL catz

By: MattScully

MattScully — Thu, 13 Nov 2008 06:34:40 -0800

Visited a friend who just had a baby. She also has 2 cats. The cats never left the babys room. She said they were protecting the baby. Uh... no.. they were stalking the baby.. told my wife to say goodbye to the baby.. it will be over in a few days...

By: gman

gman — Thu, 13 Nov 2008 06:57:14 -0800

I vote for the Bush Doctrine. Preemptive strike!

By: chugg

chugg — Thu, 13 Nov 2008 07:26:12 -0800

Mmmm, tuna........aaauuughhh!!!

By: Quietgal

Quietgal — Thu, 13 Nov 2008 08:14:36 -0800

Nickyskye's picture "in the lap of justice" doesn't depict the goddess of justice (no scales, no blindfold). I think she's Ceres, the goddess of agriculture - she's wearing a crown of wheat and holding a sheaf of grain and a sickle. It figures the cat would choose Ceres - why snuggle up with Justice when you can have food instead?

By: Artw

Artw — Thu, 13 Nov 2008 08:25:41 -0800

Cats are like Batman, they plot to kill everyone. It's just what they do, they probably won't ever act on it.

By: dejah420

dejah420 — Thu, 13 Nov 2008 08:32:19 -0800

I would tell you stories about my many decades with cats, but I've currently got one on either side of me, and they're watching the screen...so I'm afraid I'll have to go find tuna instead. Nice kitteh, niiiiice kitteh!

By: daHIFI

daHIFI — Thu, 13 Nov 2008 08:50:25 -0800

Our cat loves to function as an alarm clock in the mornings, pawing us to wake up and feed/water her or let her outside as soon as the dawn breaks. We had made some progress in the past few weeks getting her to understand that we were allowed to sleep in weekends, then daylight savings time came around and screwed everything up. We'll never get her to understand that. This cat also has the irritating habit of only wanting to drink water from our own glasses or running from the bathtub spigot. In order to break her of this behavior we went out and bought a $50 cat water fountain so that she would have some running water to drink. She used it one time and has at last started drinking out of her stationary water bowl that she had previously ignored for most of her life. After having been disturbed regularly this week up to an hour and a half before our alarm is set, I accidentally left her outside last night. I was so well rested upon waking and letting the cat back in, (through the living room window, of course,) that I spontaneously composed a limerick while dressing. I can tell you from having a feline, that thier actions are not always benign. After raising a cat, I can say for a fact, that our next pet will of course be a canine!

By: It's Raining Florence Henderson

It's Raining Florence Henderson — Thu, 13 Nov 2008 09:06:40 -0800

This is why I always get along with cats. I'm plotting to kill you, too.

By: quin

quin — Thu, 13 Nov 2008 09:16:10 -0800

I've come to accept that my cats desire my life's blood, but I've made an agreement with them; they can only have me after they've helped me to defeat everyone else. This is why they spend all day sleeping on my bed; they are diligently putting together the master plot by which I will be made king of the world! They told me that they will reveal it all to me as soon as I've fed them a preordained number of times; you know, just to prove I will be a worthy leader. They also mandated that I provide them with a steady supply of glitter balls... I'm not certain how this plays into their planning, but I don't want to question their judgment, they told me that they are geniuses who can't be doubted.

By: Your Time Machine Sucks

Your Time Machine Sucks — Thu, 13 Nov 2008 09:40:20 -0800

I enjoyed the cats, so I read a few other things on the mingle2 blog site, and they were all pretty funny, so when it finally suggested a sex quiz, I figured it would also be a funny sex quiz and I went for it. They asked for a lot of personal info, which I promptly invented and gave to them in order to be helpful. Turned out to be an entirely serious sex quiz which was meant to convince me to try online dating. What was funny was discovering that there were more than 70 other mingle2 users from my hometown of Butt, Alabama.

By: lysistrata

lysistrata — Thu, 13 Nov 2008 10:05:39 -0800

I just want to say that I once spent an evening listening to several drunk ex-cops talking about the worst crime scenes they'd encoutered and I think you all ought to know: if they get hungry enough your dogs WILL eat your bloated corpse.

By: bitter-girl.com

bitter-girl.com — Thu, 13 Nov 2008 10:17:31 -0800

So, lysistrata -- you're saying my dachshund's constant need to lick my leg is just testing to see if I has a flavor? Spike, the older and bolder of our two cats, likes to smother your mouth. Not with his face, not with his stomach...yeah, you don't want to know...

By: ElvisJesus

ElvisJesus — Thu, 13 Nov 2008 10:39:49 -0800

Cats .... can't live with 'em .... pass the soy sauce

By: tristeza

tristeza — Thu, 13 Nov 2008 10:54:03 -0800

LIKE DUH, the purpose of the cat is to flip out and kill people. Everyone knows that.

By: Fezboy!

Fezboy! — Thu, 13 Nov 2008 10:58:07 -0800

Moved into a cat group home of sorts two years ago. The score so far: Fezboy!: 2 Cats: 0 Just one left to outlive and then it's ferrets for everybody!

By: djeo

djeo — Thu, 13 Nov 2008 11:05:21 -0800

I get to post my cat fetching/knock out video? Awesome!

By: grapefruitmoon

grapefruitmoon — Thu, 13 Nov 2008 11:28:13 -0800

Oh man, nickyskye, thanks for that photo. I believe this is where Wensleydale envisions herself while she spends most of her day judging us all. Harshly. And yes, I've always known that my feline companions are plotting not only to kill me personally, but to take over the world. My only advantage here, and the reason they let me live, is that they don't have thumbs to open the catfood. Also, they don't feel like cleaning the litterbox themselves.

By: nickyskye

nickyskye — Thu, 13 Nov 2008 11:57:30 -0800

nickyskye, Do you know where that picture was taken? Just found it on the web, no attribution was given. Nickyskye's picture "in the lap of justice" doesn't depict the goddess of justice (no scales, no blindfold). I think she's Ceres, the goddess of agriculture - she's wearing a crown of wheat and holding a sheaf of grain and a sickle. It figures the cat would choose Ceres - why snuggle up with Justice when you can have food instead? Quietgal nailed it exactly. The statue just looks like those classic big government courthouse ones. Justice never sits down on the job? I guess the goddess of fertility, Ceres, does? But I needed a justice-like statue and that did the job. A tiny cat all snuggled up in those official bronze robes, looking innocent, when they've probably just conferred with their lawyer.

By: The Bellman

The Bellman — Thu, 13 Nov 2008 12:05:15 -0800

By: nickyskye

nickyskye — Thu, 13 Nov 2008 12:13:56 -0800

I CAN HAZ PTSD (babycat will need therapy)

By: Foosnark

Foosnark — Thu, 13 Nov 2008 12:45:29 -0800

Your favorite pet sucks.

By: dirtynumbangelboy

dirtynumbangelboy — Thu, 13 Nov 2008 13:31:04 -0800

I get to post my cat fetching/knock out video? Awesome! *skitterskitter* *bonk* *me, laughing* Aww, poor kitteh. One of my parents' cats used to tear down the living room into the kitchen, corner like she was on rails, and zoom into the back of the house. Most of the time. Every so often she'd misjudge, and go skidding across the kitchen floor into the wall, whereupon she would engage in displacement grooming.

By: [insert clever name here]

[insert clever name here] — Thu, 13 Nov 2008 14:10:15 -0800

If cats had thumbs, we'd all be dead They're working on it.

By: Ron Thanagar

Ron Thanagar — Thu, 13 Nov 2008 14:45:42 -0800

They're working on it. posted by [insert clever name here] *shrieks, runs from room, sells house, moves to Antarctica*

By: nickyskye

nickyskye — Thu, 13 Nov 2008 14:57:08 -0800

I CAN HAZ POSABLE THUMBZ (Did you know Oprah is polydactyl?)

By: lukemeister

lukemeister — Thu, 13 Nov 2008 15:06:36 -0800

A tiny cat all snuggled up in those official bronze robes The proper application of kittehs could have saved John Ashcroft a lot of time and money,

By: lukemeister

lukemeister — Thu, 13 Nov 2008 15:21:24 -0800

More Ashcroft

By: lottie

lottie — Thu, 13 Nov 2008 17:43:56 -0800

But who will open the cans when I'm gone?!

By: Chocomog

Chocomog — Thu, 13 Nov 2008 18:59:32 -0800

Yes. Yes they are. Call for back up.

By: Kronos_to_Earth

Kronos_to_Earth — Thu, 13 Nov 2008 20:12:18 -0800

[insert clever name here], They're working on a little more than thumbs, I think. Steal the face right off of your head....

By: juiceCake

juiceCake — Mon, 17 Nov 2008 08:58:08 -0800

Ah, dog people. They'll schlep half-ton bags of kibble out to their car, they'll be dragged around town on a leash several times a day, they'll bend down to pick warm feces off the street, all for a bit of utter dependency "loyal companionship." And somehow cat people are the pathetic losers? Losers? That's just silly. It's all about preference. Having an animal shit and piss inside your house and having to clean that up is preferable to cleaning up an animal that shits outside has nothing to with winning or losing. Love you're use of quotes. As clever as a cat.

By: pompomtom

pompomtom — Tue, 18 Nov 2008 01:33:14 -0800

Love you're use of quotes. As clever as a cat. Yes. Pick on that guy's punctuation. Well done. (my cats piss and shit in the yard....)

By: Artw

Artw — Tue, 18 Nov 2008 10:18:08 -0800

It's a well known fact that grammar nazis have small penis's.

By: It's Raining Florence Henderson

It's Raining Florence Henderson — Tue, 18 Nov 2008 10:22:19 -0800

It's a well known fact that grammar nazis have small penis's. Nice trap. But the bait's a bit small.

By: Artw

Artw — Tue, 18 Nov 2008 10:24:20 -0800

I considered slipping in an emdash.

By: It's Raining Florence Henderson

It's Raining Florence Henderson — Tue, 18 Nov 2008 10:26:17 -0800

Is that what the kids are calling it nowadays?

By: Artw

Artw — Tue, 18 Nov 2008 10:53:17 -0800

Only if it's extra long.