Comments on: Does bacon really make everything better?

Does bacon really make everything better?

empath — Fri, 21 Nov 2008 10:10:03 -0800

Ladies and gentlemen, I present to you: --- The Turbaconducken.

By: Caduceus

Caduceus — Fri, 21 Nov 2008 10:13:27 -0800

If there is a heaven, this is what they eat there.

By: cimbrog

cimbrog — Fri, 21 Nov 2008 10:13:44 -0800

Behold - the only thing greater than yourself.

By: cimbrog

cimbrog — Fri, 21 Nov 2008 10:14:53 -0800

Wait - I just noticed the tags. Clive Barker?

By: Lemurrhea

Lemurrhea — Fri, 21 Nov 2008 10:15:59 -0800

I'll admit, I was hoping it would be a ducken in the stomach of an anaconda eaten by a turkey. But this is still amazing.

By: owtytrof

owtytrof — Fri, 21 Nov 2008 10:19:12 -0800

I take issue with the name. To reflect the naming structure of the original, it should be called baconturbacondubaconken. Also, not being de-boned probably makes for a huge pain in the ass trying to carve this thing.

By: Pollomacho

Pollomacho — Fri, 21 Nov 2008 10:19:48 -0800

I have to call bullshit. If they consulted a recipe, they'd know that all the bird meats need to be boned!

By: boo_radley

boo_radley — Fri, 21 Nov 2008 10:21:58 -0800

thanks to the internet, I'm now bored with bacon.

By: CheshireCat

CheshireCat — Fri, 21 Nov 2008 10:22:32 -0800

That finished product reminds me quite vividly of the headcrabs from Half-Life; it's sitting there, just waiting to leap off the platter. I imagine this is basically the recipe for those chickens from Eraser Head, only turbocharged. Seriously, if y'all want to make terrifying meat golems, be my guest, but don't come crying back when they decide to feast on your brains and rip out your soul with their bacony claws.

By: turaho

turaho — Fri, 21 Nov 2008 10:23:37 -0800

If they consulted a recipe, they'd know that all the bird meats need to be boned! Reminds me of a Metatalk thread.

By: gman

gman — Fri, 21 Nov 2008 10:26:28 -0800

The meat analogue version is aptly named Quortempeseitfu.

By: fixedgear

fixedgear — Fri, 21 Nov 2008 10:28:16 -0800

Yeah, pretty lazy work there. Bone that poultry.

By: empyrean

empyrean — Fri, 21 Nov 2008 10:28:39 -0800

I like bacon as much as the next guy, but I draw the line at any dish that looks like someone decapitated the Predator and put his head on a plate.

By: Pollomacho

Pollomacho — Fri, 21 Nov 2008 10:29:18 -0800

If they consulted a recipe, they'd know that all the bird meats need to be boned! Reminds me of a Metatalk thread. So long as you don't acuse my last post of being eponysterical, I'm fine with that.

By: sentinel chicken

sentinel chicken — Fri, 21 Nov 2008 10:30:55 -0800

*barf*

By: scarello

scarello — Fri, 21 Nov 2008 10:35:08 -0800

I think you should wrap this post in bacon.

By: cjorgensen

cjorgensen — Fri, 21 Nov 2008 10:37:22 -0800

There is no god. In other news, Sarah Palin gives an interview while turkeys are decapitated in the background.

By: paisley henosis

paisley henosis — Fri, 21 Nov 2008 10:37:31 -0800

It looks like the turned the dog inside-out. Seriously disgusting.

By: swift

swift — Fri, 21 Nov 2008 10:38:19 -0800

And just like that, I'm a vegetarian.

By: LionIndex

LionIndex — Fri, 21 Nov 2008 10:38:45 -0800

I'll admit, I was hoping it would be a ducken in the stomach of an anaconda eaten by a turkey. At first glance, I thought it would be a condor.

By: backseatpilot

backseatpilot — Fri, 21 Nov 2008 10:39:50 -0800

Nope, it's not quite enough. Start with an ortolan and stuff it inside a cornish hen. Hen goes in the duck, duck goes in the chicken, chicken goes in the turkey, and the turkey goes inside of an ostrich. Fill the remaining voids inside the ostrich with sausage meat, and wrap the entire thing with bacon. Rub liberally with pure lard, bread, and deep fry it. Serve with a linen napkin.

By: Bookhouse

Bookhouse — Fri, 21 Nov 2008 10:42:16 -0800

The new season of Top Chef has already had five or six bacon dishes. It's really lazy cooking at this point to say "but now with bacon!"

By: DU

DU — Fri, 21 Nov 2008 10:43:15 -0800

Sure, Lisa. A wonderful, magical animal.

By: lunit

lunit — Fri, 21 Nov 2008 10:44:07 -0800

mmm bacon. what?

By: giraffe

giraffe — Fri, 21 Nov 2008 10:46:44 -0800

I'm waiting for someone to stuff an ostrich with turducken. Then wrap that in bacon.

By: SheMulp AKA Plus 1

SheMulp AKA Plus 1 — Fri, 21 Nov 2008 10:47:30 -0800

I am a huge fan of bacon. I put it in salads, sandwiches, omelets, even dipped in maple syrup as a tasty side to a stack of pancakes and I'm still waiting for the glorious day I get to try one of these. But seriously, this is just over the line. The bacon enthusiasts have gone too far. The time it would take to prepare and cook on top of the impracticality and the fact that any one who tries eats this is going to make them selves sick is reason enough to say nay. I believe this is the first time in my whole life that the mention of bacon is not a good thing.

By: terranova

terranova — Fri, 21 Nov 2008 10:51:09 -0800

...As thousands of vegans reach for Tegretol

By: Citizen Premier

Citizen Premier — Fri, 21 Nov 2008 10:53:37 -0800

In other news, Sarah Palin gives an interview while turkeys are decapitated in the background. I don't really see how this is a faux pass. I mean if you can't see turkeys being slaughtered you don't deserve to eat them.

By: porpoise

porpoise — Fri, 21 Nov 2008 10:58:34 -0800

Need. To. Make. (glove boned, of course) Hmm, I know I can get unsliced sides of bacon... maybe hot-smoke a side of raw bacon and stuff it in the middle?

By: gman

gman — Fri, 21 Nov 2008 10:58:50 -0800

And this really pales in comparison to the Turgodumalguineafochickpheapapigwoodcock. That shit's so bad ass, the link doesn't even work anymore.

By: kittyprecious

kittyprecious — Fri, 21 Nov 2008 11:04:27 -0800

It looks like the turned the dog inside-out. Seriously disgusting. If I may be allowed to quote myself, "AAAAAUUUGH! ZOMBIE TURKEY!" ohgodohgodohgodohgoddonotletiteatme ...I mean seriously, it looks like Kevin Bacon. The not-good one.

By: schyler523

schyler523 — Fri, 21 Nov 2008 11:10:01 -0800

Well, we killed it. The site, not the turblahblahblahblahducken bacon thing, obviously.

By: thsmchnekllsfascists

thsmchnekllsfascists — Fri, 21 Nov 2008 11:10:36 -0800

Giraffe, you were beaten to the punch.

By: uncleozzy

uncleozzy — Fri, 21 Nov 2008 11:10:45 -0800

Yeah, pretty lazy work there. Bone that poultry. Yep. If you're not going to do it right, don't bother, and if you bother anyway, certainly don't post it on the internet. That said, this is making me wonder how many different porks I can tastefully and artfully combine. I was already going to stuff a pork loin, and it would be easy--and delicious--to add pork sausage to the stuffing...

By: kittens for breakfast

kittens for breakfast — Fri, 21 Nov 2008 11:24:10 -0800

In uncooked form, that thing is terrifying. It wouldn't even occur to me that it was food. It looks like the head and shoulders of some horrible skinned demon and my first impulse would be to run out of the room before the fucker saw me and stood up.

By: kittens for breakfast

kittens for breakfast — Fri, 21 Nov 2008 11:25:05 -0800

(I have a really active imagination, though)

By: Mister_A

Mister_A — Fri, 21 Nov 2008 11:25:23 -0800

If you guys weren't such pussies, you would stuff the whole thing in an Amur leopard and deep-fry the works.

By: Capt Jingo

Capt Jingo — Fri, 21 Nov 2008 11:25:41 -0800

They left out the sausage stuffing

By: gurple

gurple — Fri, 21 Nov 2008 11:25:48 -0800

In uncooked form, that thing is terrifying. Only in uncooked form?

By: gurple

gurple — Fri, 21 Nov 2008 11:27:17 -0800

Actually I find the thing more disturbing in cooked form. Uncooked, it looks like a prop from a bad horror movie. Cooked, it looks like something that some crazy person, someday, might try to serve me at a meal. It's the Uncanny Valley of the Theoretically Edible.

By: The World Famous

The World Famous — Fri, 21 Nov 2008 11:33:24 -0800

Why ruin the bacon with all that turkey, chicken, and duck? There is only one true bacon dish to rule them all, and it's name is Chicken Fried Bacon. The BLT at Tony's on I75 is a close second. Diluting bacon with other, lesser meat is heresy.

By: Tehanu

Tehanu — Fri, 21 Nov 2008 11:33:42 -0800

I would imagine that much bacon would make the rest of the meat taste like pork and have a pretty fatty mouthfeel to it. There's a much simpler way to accomplish this. 1. Dig pit. 2. Build fire. 3. Roast pig.

By: Wet Spot

Wet Spot — Fri, 21 Nov 2008 11:34:10 -0800

They left out the Iphone.

By: Astro Zombie

Astro Zombie — Fri, 21 Nov 2008 11:36:40 -0800

It's time that we developed food that resembles transporter accidents.

By: threeturtles

threeturtles — Fri, 21 Nov 2008 11:39:08 -0800

uncleozzy : I was already going to stuff a pork loin, and it would be easy--and delicious--to add pork sausage to the stuffing... There's a great local butcher near me that sells their "famous" stuffed pork chops and one day my husband and I bought four of them. First of all these things are about five inches thick. Secondly, we were amazed to discover that they were not stuffed with any kind of bread-based stuffing, but with...Pork Sausage! Pork, stuffed with a huge amount of pork! (I still sometimes have flashbacks to the pure overindulgence of MEAT that these things were.) If only they had also wrapped them in bacon.

By: cazoo

cazoo — Fri, 21 Nov 2008 11:42:02 -0800

That sounds like the title of a Motorhead song.

By: uncleozzy

uncleozzy — Fri, 21 Nov 2008 11:54:24 -0800

Pork, stuffed with a huge amount of pork! Is it hot in here?

By: zamboni

zamboni — Fri, 21 Nov 2008 12:01:15 -0800

Oh tempura, oh more(bacons) And this really pales in comparison to the Turgodumalguineafochickpheapapigwoodcock. That shit's so bad ass, the link doesn't even work anymore. I'm guessing this was originally about the River Cottage Multi-bird Roast.

By: oaf

oaf — Fri, 21 Nov 2008 12:17:24 -0800

six degrees of layered bacon

By: Cat Pie Hurts

Cat Pie Hurts — Fri, 21 Nov 2008 12:22:33 -0800

My mouth is watering about as much as my ass at this point.

By: Mister_A

Mister_A — Fri, 21 Nov 2008 12:46:23 -0800

Uhh, gross?

By: Navelgazer

Navelgazer — Fri, 21 Nov 2008 13:30:05 -0800

A couple of weeks ago I was hanging out with a good friend from high school, who lives near me, but whom I rarely see. This is a nice, mild-mannered guy who also happens to be completely un-savvy of anything relating to pop-culture or, in particular, teh interwebs. So as we're making cheeseburgers, his wife asks if I'd like bacon on that cheeseburger (as naturally I would.) Without thinking aboiut it, I make some sort of reference to this comment, whereupon my friend damn near loses his shit. "What's this sudden deal with bacon? I don't get it! I mean, I like bacon and everything, but why is bacon supposedly now the greatest thing ever and the funniest thing ever and... I just don't get it!" I didn't have the heart to tell him that at that exact moment I realized that all of hipster culture is an elaborate joke on him personally.

By: Demogorgon

Demogorgon — Fri, 21 Nov 2008 13:35:15 -0800

What they ought to have done was to fill that thing with some almonds, wurst, and whiskey, and then to saturate it with an infusion of something like a chipotle cranberry cheddar/apple brie sauce mixture. Douse it in some port if baked, sage oil if deep-fried.

By: Demogorgon

Demogorgon — Fri, 21 Nov 2008 13:38:37 -0800

Ah yes, I see the Multi-bird Roast zamboni linked to has the right idea. "For the stuffing, you need 1 kilo of fatty sausagemeat, 250g streaky bacon, 100g breadcrumbs, fresh sage, brandy, port and red wine. You can also add chestnuts and/or apples." I still think cheese should be somewhere in there though.

By: GuyZero

GuyZero — Fri, 21 Nov 2008 13:49:30 -0800

I still think cheese should be somewhere in there though. You could put a whole peeled Gouda in the chicken. Smoked Gouda even.

By: Krrrlson

Krrrlson — Fri, 21 Nov 2008 13:52:08 -0800

If there is a heaven, this is what they eat there. Anti-Semite.

By: GuyZero

GuyZero — Fri, 21 Nov 2008 14:22:10 -0800

Anti-Semite. Do we know if keeping Kosher is required in the afterlife? I mean, God's chosen people deserve a few perks in the afterlife for keeping the faith.

By: Sys Rq

Sys Rq — Fri, 21 Nov 2008 16:25:57 -0800

Turkey > Barn Owl > Condor > Duck > Chicken (For this to work though, you have to use ground owl, which is kind of a cop-out.)

By: lyam

lyam — Fri, 21 Nov 2008 16:42:34 -0800

Hey, I like bacon as much as the next guy.... >_>... Well, maybe not that guy... but bacontoday.com?

By: swell

swell — Fri, 21 Nov 2008 16:43:41 -0800

In other news, Sarah Palin gives an interview while turkeys are decapitated in the background. 1. Cut republican into tiny pieces. 2. Stuff turkey with republican 3. Stuff moose with turkey 4. Wrap whole assemblage in bacon 5. Cook in pit for several days. Bacomoosturublican feeds 40, and makes wonderful sandwiches.

By: flaterik

flaterik — Fri, 21 Nov 2008 17:57:46 -0800

You know, my friends camp at burning man last year was called "bacon without borders". Many many pounds of bacon were cooked and served. There was a whole pig. We're all pretty crazy about bacon. And have committed some interesting culinary acts in pursuit of bacon. The plans for next year are amusing in scale, even if we only only manage a tenth of them. But BaconToday.com is just too well put together. I am not comfortable with that level of professional presentation in bacon obsession. I do want a bacon wrapped turducken, though. Yum. I wonder if it would work deep fried?

By: piratebowling

piratebowling — Fri, 21 Nov 2008 18:18:33 -0800

The cooked concoction looked mouth-wateringly good after pulling it out of the oven. This term, "mouth-wateringly good"? I do not think it means what you think it means.

By: Slap*Happy

Slap*Happy — Fri, 21 Nov 2008 19:30:47 -0800

I served turducken. Turducken was a friend of mine. You, chicken and duck pieces stuffed willy-nilly into a turkey, are no turducken. That said, a layer of bacon alongside the stuffing layers might make for some awesomeness, and some bacon latticed atop any sort of roulade is a welcome addition. This? This is stupid and fail served with large ladle of weak sauce.

By: neroli

neroli — Fri, 21 Nov 2008 19:59:37 -0800

I can't imagine the interior bacon--and the poultry skin under it--could be anything but rubbery and fatty and unpleasant. This is a bad idea. Bacon is a great food, but a piss poor novelty item.

By: ism

ism — Fri, 21 Nov 2008 20:51:12 -0800

boned or deboned?

By: spock

spock — Fri, 21 Nov 2008 23:02:55 -0800

Transporter Accidents would make an excellent band name.

By: kliuless

kliuless — Sat, 22 Nov 2008 05:55:58 -0800

the bacon flavours the meat!

By: pmbuko

pmbuko — Sat, 22 Nov 2008 08:40:02 -0800

You must name it from the outside in, guys. It's a BACturducken. Sheesh!

By: The World Famous

The World Famous — Sat, 22 Nov 2008 08:59:07 -0800

You must name it from the outside in, guys. It's a BACturducken. Sheesh! Wouldn't that be a BACturBACduckBACkenBAC?

By: palmcorder_yajna

palmcorder_yajna — Sat, 22 Nov 2008 12:08:18 -0800

1,1,2,3-tetrabac-3-tur-2-ducken. I think. I'm a little rusty on my IUPAC meat nomenclature.

By: palmcorder_yajna

palmcorder_yajna — Sat, 22 Nov 2008 12:10:13 -0800

Or 1,1,2,3-tetrabac-2-duc-3-turken, even.

By: porpoise

porpoise — Sun, 23 Nov 2008 10:19:03 -0800

flateric - unfortunately, turducken can't theoretically be deep fried. Too much meat mass in the middle to get cooked through even with the handle-thingy going through the middle of it as a heat conductor. palmcorder_yanjna ftw!

By: flaterik

flaterik — Mon, 24 Nov 2008 02:45:00 -0800

This is probably crazy-talk, but wouldn't it be theoretically possible to pre-cook the inner birds somewhat?

By: Pollomacho

Pollomacho — Mon, 24 Nov 2008 06:35:31 -0800

boned or deboned? Lucky for you, you can have it both ways!