Christians AGAINST Cartoons!

November 23, 2008 12:19 PM

Christians AGAINST Cartoons!
posted by defenestration (93 comments total)

Seems it may be a joke, but I thought it was a bit too ridiculous not to share.
posted by defenestration at 12:24 PM on November 23, 2008

Sometimes it is impossible to tell if something is real or satire.
posted by Astro Zombie at 12:24 PM on November 23, 2008 [9 favorites]

Yes, it's fairly redolent of Eau de Landover Baptist, and those revolving crosses made me so woozy I could use some dramamine, stat.
posted by FelliniBlank at 12:26 PM on November 23, 2008

wow, you could get a ph.d. with the effort put into that parody. my hat is off.
posted by facetious at 12:31 PM on November 23, 2008

Um, yeah. Pretty sure it's satire.
posted by EarBucket at 12:31 PM on November 23, 2008 [2 favorites]

I call parody, but it links to legit sites just to keep us on our toes.
posted by dunkadunc at 12:31 PM on November 23, 2008

Poe's Law: "... it is impossible to create a parody of Fundamentalism that SOMEONE won't mistake for the real thing"
posted by revgeorge at 12:35 PM on November 23, 2008 [7 favorites]

My parents didn't allow me to watch TMNT or Smurfs as a kid, because of "magic"'s influence on the characters in both. I wasn't allowed to watch The Simpsons, mostly because I was already disrespectful and didn't need pointers. My parents had engaged on a journey of discovery from when they got married, meandering through new age elements, buddhism and a few others before finally landing on Pentecostal Evangelicism.

I was the firstborn, so I got the most extreme of their ridiculous notions of parenthood.

What's ironic is that, once my brother came along, they completely relaxed a lot of that shit when they realized it didn't really have any bearing on me, except to effectively fuck up my childhood is certain ways, since I couldn't relate with my friends. I once was disallowed from leaving school early to go to a friend's birthday party because they were going to see the TMNT movie. That day crushed me.

Flash-forward to now, my brother is 18 and I'm 23. My parents are still active in the church, but I am not. They swear around me now, they drink wine and occasionally other drinks, my Dad and I watch The Shield/Sopranos/Dexter together, and they don't question my decision to seek out (or not seek out) a religion.

Given how "sheltered" my childhood was, (early childhood; they loosened up during my teens somewhat) I'm still surprised how progressive they've turned out to be (and more surprised that they voted Obama this year) and so I don't hate them nearly as much as I'd expect to for making me miss out on Smurfs and such. I also don't blame them as much, because the church was the one pushing those ideas down their heads. But then, they weren't applying any critical thinking to it...
posted by disillusioned at 12:36 PM on November 23, 2008 [8 favorites]

Cartoons Against Christians.
posted by gman at 12:36 PM on November 23, 2008 [1 favorite]

Yeah, the WHOIS says it's registered by a Brendan Burch—perhaps the animator mentioned here?
posted by defenestration at 12:38 PM on November 23, 2008

Revgeorge, there ought to be a corollary that states that no matter how thinly stretched the satire is, there will be a number of fundamentalists* who will be willing to take up the cause.

For some flavor or another of fundamentalists.
posted by Kid Charlemagne at 12:46 PM on November 23, 2008 [1 favorite]

I don't hate them nearly as much as I'd expect to for making me miss out on Smurfs

That's big of you.
posted by orange swan at 12:49 PM on November 23, 2008 [3 favorites]

Perhaps religion consists entirely of parody and people who mistook it for doctrine. It's hard to be sure.
posted by Salvor Hardin at 12:50 PM on November 23, 2008 [13 favorites]

Of course "Christians Against Cartoons" is an anagram of "Christ Satanic Sang Orations".

Not difficult to see the REAL AGENDA here.

Only kidding, folks.

(The real anagram is "Christ Incarnations Goat Ass".)
posted by jim.christian at 12:52 PM on November 23, 2008 [1 favorite]

"Hello Kitty... or hello Anubis?"
posted by Artw at 12:55 PM on November 23, 2008 [1 favorite]

Sometimes it is impossible to tell if something is real or satire.
This is not one of those times.
posted by sanko at 12:56 PM on November 23, 2008 [2 favorites]

After capalerts, anything is possible.
posted by Artw at 12:58 PM on November 23, 2008

See, the clever thing here is that the most recent example is a Dora cartoon. Being a parent of a toddler, I will whole-heartedly agree that Dora is a flat-out evil cartoon. Not because of the talking animals or anything like that - because it is one of the most brain-dead and insulting pieces of corporate advertising masquerading as an "educational" cartoon I've seen.
posted by never used baby shoes at 1:04 PM on November 23, 2008 [2 favorites]

In fairness, Smurfs are pretty much pure paganism.
posted by Astro Zombie at 1:04 PM on November 23, 2008

Whether it is "real" or not, people like that do exist, and I hate em.
posted by newfers at 1:05 PM on November 23, 2008

Seems it may be a joke, but I thought it was a bit too ridiculous not to share.

Yeah, that was definitely a huge understatement the more I think about it.

Now all I can think about is this article, although it doesn't completely relate to this particular situation.
posted by defenestration at 1:10 PM on November 23, 2008

Or does it?!
posted by defenestration at 1:11 PM on November 23, 2008

Alliteration is always amusing.
posted by rageagainsttherobots at 1:15 PM on November 23, 2008 [3 favorites]

The obvious failure of the satire is hentai. If Deep South evangelical moms saw ten minutes anterior cerebral arteries would blow left and right. There really would be an anti-cartoon movement if only they knew how deep the rabbit hole went. It's a logical extension of the insane anti-fantasy crusade.
posted by a robot made out of meat at 1:18 PM on November 23, 2008 [3 favorites]

masquerading as an "educational" cartoon I've seen.

and what the hell do we need 'educational' cartoons for anyway? Cartoons are for when you come home from a day of being educated and your brain is full. In my day cartoons were non-stop orgies of anvil-dropping and explosions, and we liked it!
posted by jonmc at 1:19 PM on November 23, 2008 [15 favorites]

The sole article-writer for this site calls himself "Brother Cletus". That might be your first clue that it's a parody. If you can't discern any other clues, like the animated .GIF of a Monsters Inc. character morphing into Satan and back for example, you might need to tweak your bullshit detector.
posted by DecemberBoy at 1:33 PM on November 23, 2008

the animated .GIF of a Monsters Inc. character morphing into Satan and back

That's entirely plausible. In a true christian site the photo of the family would be modern, and in colour, but retain the prarie dresses.
posted by Artw at 1:39 PM on November 23, 2008

CAC.

*snicker*
posted by fiercecupcake at 1:43 PM on November 23, 2008 [1 favorite]

This site gets its share of Xians against cartoons (and its share of Poes, too...)
posted by Rykey at 1:46 PM on November 23, 2008 [1 favorite]

Fake.. fake. The photo is the giveaway. A real Christian zagnut does not know of Hugo Chavez. It would be Saddam Hussein, if anything.

And there's no link to Michael Medved.
posted by Zambrano at 1:51 PM on November 23, 2008 [1 favorite]

and what the hell do we need 'educational' cartoons for anyway? Cartoons are for when you come home from a day of being educated and your brain is full. In my day cartoons were non-stop orgies of anvil-dropping and explosions, and we liked it!

damn straight!

My principle objection to Dora and its ilk is not that it attempts to be educational - that can happen in any medium - it is the fact that it is nothing more than a program length ad. But the fact it occasionally uses a Spanish word apparently elevates it beyond its commercial roots in the eyes of many.

I'd like to drop an anvil on Dora.
posted by never used baby shoes at 1:58 PM on November 23, 2008 [1 favorite]

I knew it was fake as soon as I saw "Bro. Cletus." People always think that Southerners still go around being named Cletus and Jethro and Clem and things like that.

Still, beliefs like this are held. I don't know why the Smurfs seem to be a linchpin, but I was told as a child that a FOAF saw the episode where they were all in a satanic circle making a magical chant. (This turned out to be true, but Satan himself could never countenance such a thing.)

In 1980 or so, there was a brief mass hysteria at a Kentucky grade school when evil Smurfs were rumored to be on their way to the school for a killing spree. The story was traced back to a misunderstood news report about a gang that went by the name.
posted by Countess Elena at 2:05 PM on November 23, 2008

I'd like to drop an anvil on Dora.

Clearly you are a Road Runner and Wile E. Coyote cartoon-watching purist.
posted by orange swan at 2:06 PM on November 23, 2008 [1 favorite]

"My parents didn't allow me to watch TMNT or Smurfs as a kid, because of "magic"'s influence on the characters in both."
posted by disillusioned at 6:36 AM on November 24

You should have told your parents that magic had nothing to do with the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. They were, after all, mutant turtles... they had mutated because of a radioactive substance called Mutogen which they had been exposed to. If you had told them that SCIENCE! was to blame, they'd probably have allowed you to watch it!

Of course, you would have had to have been able to watch the show in the first place to know that, but still. I feel for ya man. Watching Ninja Turtles is still a fond memory of my formative years.

At least you can take solace in the fact that by banning you from watching the Smurfs, you didn't really miss out on much and if anything, they probably did you something of a favour.
posted by Effigy2000 at 2:09 PM on November 23, 2008

disillusioned - That would do nicely in the "What's the deal with your nickname?" section of your profile page.
posted by gman at 2:16 PM on November 23, 2008

"EVEN JESUS RAISES THE ROOF!!! Seriously... WHO'S COOLER THAN CHRIST???"
posted by Kronos_to_Earth at 2:18 PM on November 23, 2008

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles became Teenage Mutant Hero Turtles in the UK, in order to combat creeping ninja influence.
posted by Artw at 2:19 PM on November 23, 2008

Praise "Bob"!
posted by chronkite at 2:26 PM on November 23, 2008

I went to grade school with a girl whose parents EXPRESSLY FORBADE her to own any Strawberry Shortcake dolls, play with anyone else's Strawberry Shortcake dolls, or play with anyone who owned them. I thought they were nuts until I saw The Baby Without a Name.
posted by Marisa Stole the Precious Thing at 2:31 PM on November 23, 2008

Michael Jackson Mikaeel Against Christians.

Muslims Against Yoga.

People, I just want to say, you know, can we all get along? Can we get along? Can we stop making it, making it horrible for the older people and the kids?...It’s just not right. It’s not right. It’s not, it’s not going to change anything. We’ll, we’ll get our justice....Please, we can get along here. We all can get along. I mean, we’re all stuck here for a while. Let’s try to work it out. Let’s try to beat it. Let’s try to beat it. Let’s try to work it out.
posted by gman at 2:33 PM on November 23, 2008

Jesus Christ. I think that's actually Mikaeel in the abaya.
posted by gman at 2:37 PM on November 23, 2008

I'd like to drop an anvil on Dora.

Ehh. Dora's not my thing but far be it from me to rain on anyone's parade. Although, my sister and her husband the doctor seem to be raising my neices and nephews on Baby Einstien and stuff like that. When they come visit I'll OD them on Roadrunner and Bugs Bunny. Hopefully there won't be a Todd Flanders Pixie Stix moment. (a while back I talked to my sister and said that when her oldest became a rebellious teenager, she'd threaten to run away and live with Uncle Jon in New York. her answer "She's a rebellious three-year old as we speak. can I put her on the train now?")
posted by jonmc at 2:40 PM on November 23, 2008 [3 favorites]

i once worked with someone whose daughter mentioned that she didn't allow her kids to watch barney and friends - when i asked why, she explained that barney was teaching kids communism

i found myself unable to continue with that conversation
posted by pyramid termite at 2:43 PM on November 23, 2008 [2 favorites]

i once worked with someone whose daughter mentioned that she didn't allow her kids to watch barney and friends - when i asked why, she explained that barney was teaching kids communism

I'm actually suspicious that Barney is merely Grimace with a beak and a tail. He'll drag out those milkshakes eventually.
posted by jonmc at 2:49 PM on November 23, 2008

I remember another religious group against cartoons. They weren't as good humoured about it.
posted by gman at 3:00 PM on November 23, 2008

I remember another religious group against cartoons. They weren't as good humoured about it.

You know who's name seems to be consistently forgotten when it comes to those cartoons? Naser Khader.
posted by Marisa Stole the Precious Thing at 3:03 PM on November 23, 2008 [1 favorite]

This is obviously a parody. Otherwise God would smite down Jack Chick.
posted by adamrice at 3:15 PM on November 23, 2008

Jack Chick

Man, I wish AD&D actually was like that: at 8th level cleric, the DM teaches you actual physical magic? Jack Chick was a master at depicting what he thought was terrifying and making it seem more awesome than it actually was.
posted by Marisa Stole the Precious Thing at 3:28 PM on November 23, 2008 [5 favorites]

I'd like to drop an anvil on Dora.

More proof that cartoons beget ultraviolence! WAKE UP PEOPLE.
posted by Solon and Thanks at 3:38 PM on November 23, 2008

Dora's begetting sin is her high, shrieky voice. It's like the way voices sound when you're hungover...but you're sober. Shudder.

Though I have to laugh at anyone being shocked, SHOCKED! that cartoons=half hour commercials. Um, yeah. Nothing is more heavily marketed than cartoon-related toys. And no cartoon is free of toy tie-ins.

disillusioned, it's never to late to watch Smurfs on Youtube. You can even wear footie pajamas and eat Lucky Charms at the same time, for the full experience. You'll end up bored, over-sugared, and twitchy, which sums up most of my Saturday morning memories pretty well.
posted by emjaybee at 3:55 PM on November 23, 2008

Wow...ArtW...Thanks for pointing out CAPalerts. What kind of nutcase gives "paints a dark picture of Babe: Pig in the City"?
posted by salishsea at 4:14 PM on November 23, 2008

I don't hate them nearly as much as I'd expect to for making me miss out on Smurfs

If it's any solace, I offer you this story:

When I was a kid, smurfs first existed (in the USA) in their little rubbery figurine form, before in their Saturday morning cartoon form, and their European comic strip form was unknown to my friends and me.

We had many, many smurfs each. Each smurf had its own distinct personality and abilities that we surmised from the way they looked - this one was a pirate with a sword, this one was a paratrooper who used his mushroom as a parachute, this one had superpowers. There was a seemingly endless variety of smurfs, and we scoured the stores and relentlessly begged our parents for just one more smurf.

In our minds, the smurfs were essentially highly unique army men, and that's the way we treated them. Our living rooms would be covered with smurfs, all engaged in a momentous smurf-on-smurf war. Things would be looking good for one kid's smurf army when his hockey smurf slapped the puck straight into the forehead of another kid's spy smurf, but the tables would soon be turned when smurf death from the skies swooped down on the hockey player. There was a seemingly endless number of possible combinations, and we never grew tired of finding new ones.

Then, one day, we heard that there was going to be a smurf Saturday morning cartoon. We couldn't believe our luck. This was completely awesome news. We would finally see smurfs violently rending each other limb from limb in glorious full color video.

The night before the first episode, we had a sleep-over at one of our houses. That night, we of course held an epic smurf figurine war in ecstatic preparation for the magnificent cartoon smurf war that we were sure would come in the morning.

We woke up on Saturday, and excitedly turned on the TV.

"Gee Wussy Smurf, I'm feeling smurfy today! Isn't that smurfy?"

"Yes, Wimpy Smurf, that's very smurfy! I'm smurf to hear it!"

"I think I'm going to go down to the smurfeteria and have a nice, smurfy breakfast!"

"I think I will join you, Wimpy Smurf! And maybe we will meet up with Lame-o Smurf on the way to the smurfeteria!"

"Oh, that would be simply smurfy! Let's go!"

My childhood died that day.
posted by Flunkie at 4:48 PM on November 23, 2008 [26 favorites]

I wasn't prohibited from watching the Smurfs (or even Thundercats!?!) but I knew I was pretty close to the edge when I was watching them. We also couldn't watch TV on Sunday for the looongest time. And I'll never forget the night I was scheduled to babysit the pastor's kids. I was going to bring a deck of cards to play solitaire but my mom nixed that with words I will never forget: "You can't bring devil cards to the preacher's house on Sunday!"

Devil cards. W.T.F.

Needless to say, she has no problem with solitaire, rummy or the like now.
posted by DU at 4:52 PM on November 23, 2008

PS: never forget never forget never forget
posted by DU at 4:53 PM on November 23, 2008

My favorite part of the classic Jack Chick D&D tract is the sermon by Tony Stark.
posted by CaseyB at 5:32 PM on November 23, 2008

One of the first things that clued it as fake for me was the impeccable grammar and punctuation.
posted by longsleeves at 5:37 PM on November 23, 2008 [3 favorites]

I for one am AGAINST Betty Boop. Cigarette-dealing strumpet!
posted by The Whelk at 5:44 PM on November 23, 2008

disillusioned, that is more or less my Mother's odd half-hearted meanderings through various creeds (We're all about crystals now! Now we're Jewish! No, wait, New-Age Christians!) and the weekly changes of doctrine and Allowed Things until she just gave up and became a non-practicing Catholic like the rest of her family.
posted by The Whelk at 5:47 PM on November 23, 2008

What kind of nutcase gives "paints a dark picture of Babe: Pig in the City"?

To be fair, it's a damned odd movie. The kind of movie where any interpretation could stick. It has MONKEYS.
posted by The Whelk at 5:53 PM on November 23, 2008

I think I overuse the word odd. Odd that

dammit!
posted by The Whelk at 5:55 PM on November 23, 2008

Seeing This video In that context was pretty funny.
posted by delmoi at 6:01 PM on November 23, 2008

My mom (whats up with moms and cartoons?) forbade me to ever watch "Captain Planet" when I was a kid, due to the fact that the kids answered to "Gaia" (the Democrat-voting probably-lesbian pagan spirit of New-Ageism) and that it "promoted socialism".

Like others here, I was the firstborn. Mom has mellowed out quite a bit since then and now I hate Captain Planet not for the New Agey stuff, but for the one-dimensionality of it's villians. "Soon, the Smog Factory will come online and we will be swimming in money! Money, I say! BWAHahahahahaha!"

Captain Planet is basically Jack Chick for environmentalists, I think.
posted by Avenger at 6:05 PM on November 23, 2008 [1 favorite]

This is obviously a parody. Otherwise God would smite down Jack Chick.
posted by adamrice at 6:15 PM on November 23 [+] [!]

WAIT!

This chick.com thing is for real? They actually published a book saying Dungeon and Dragons will make kids hang themselves? Are you fucking kidding me?

This is the most disturbing piece of christic propaganda I've ever seen.

Am speechless.
posted by liza at 6:09 PM on November 23, 2008

Babe: Pig in the City is a dark picture. I pretty much choked up. Reminds me that I need that DVD.

Even as a kid, I felt a deep sadness about the sanded-down world of people who would refuse to allow their children anything that smacked of magic. No stories about magic, no books about science -- what were people supposed to do with themselves? The answer is, of course, "wait for the Rapture," but no adults I ever met were hardcore enough to put it like that, so I just stared at lives that looked like an endless parade of dry dinners, bland TV and prayers.
posted by Countess Elena at 6:10 PM on November 23, 2008

This chick.com thing is for real?

Oh, completely. My dad used to have a ton of those little tracts, in paper form. He let me, a child, read them! I was scarred for...well, not for life. But for a long time.

Of course compared to Hannity, Limbaugh and Free Republic they are a marvel of coherence and compassion.
posted by DU at 6:48 PM on November 23, 2008 [1 favorite]

is there anything christians are not against?
posted by krautland at 6:50 PM on November 23, 2008

duuuuude. whoa.
posted by liza at 6:51 PM on November 23, 2008

I too, feel like Dora was created by Satan, and yet... MeTa.
posted by grapefruitmoon at 7:02 PM on November 23, 2008

This comment got a lot of favorites because I am a genius. A SOOPAH-GENIUS!
posted by jonmc at 7:23 PM on November 23, 2008

In fairness, Smurfs are pretty much pure paganism.

Well, there is the theory that Smurfs are preparing us for Krishna consciousness.
posted by Tube at 7:36 PM on November 23, 2008

Whatever happened to satanically possesed cabbage patch dolls?
posted by Artw at 7:37 PM on November 23, 2008

They weren't possessed they were just epileptic. They left them in the cabbage patch and made seizure salad.
posted by jonmc at 7:47 PM on November 23, 2008 [3 favorites]

There definitely people who are against most Saturday morning cartoons. The book Saturday Morning Mind Control is sitting on our shelves somewhere. It states that pretty much *every* cartoon has something morally offensive about it, from Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles to He-man to the Care Bears to, and I swear I'm not making this up, Voltron and Tranformers.

He's also against Dungeons and Dragons, naturally.

There's a whole industry of books that seem designed to attack anything that gets too popular in pop culture, even Christian stuff. Pokemon, Harry Potter, of course, have books against them, but there are also books entitled The Cult of Jabez, attacking the brief fad of the Prayer of Jabez, and The Truth Behind Left Behind.

This link, though, feels like satire to me.
posted by JDHarper at 8:36 PM on November 23, 2008

My parents didn't allow me to watch TMNT or Smurfs as a kid, because of "magic"'s influence on the characters in both.

What?! TMNT was pure science.
posted by ignignokt at 8:54 PM on November 23, 2008

This chick.com thing is for real?

Absolutely real. Jack Chick has been writing/drawing megafundie religious tracts since the late 60s, and it's surprising to me that anyone has gone through life having never at least seen one left in a laundromat or bus station or other public space. He's also a well-known anti-Catholic bigot, and has published many tracts claiming that the Catholic church was founded directly by Satan, among other things. The best-known one is called, no joke, The Death Cookie. One of its more comical claims is that the "IHS" on Communion wafers is an acronym for "Isis, Horus and Seb, the Gods of Egypt", which is wrong on so many levels it may cause head a-splosions. He also claims the King James version of the Bible is the direct, unaltered word of God (I guess he's unaware of the existence of Greek, which would also explain the IHS thing), and all other versions are counterfeits authored by Satan.

I've been on his mailing list ever since I ordered a tract assortment (plus 10 copies each of Dark Dungeons and The Death Cookie) and DVD from him 5 or 6 years ago. 3 or 4 times a year I get a free copy of his newest tract, plus the latest catalog. The catalog is hilarious in itself, offering various Chick-published books such as separate "inside accounts" of Satanic cults, witches' covens and Freemasonry, all "written" by the same fake name. He's a joiner, I guess. It's just an example of how they don't even bother to disguise it as made-up crap since the intended audience already believes it anyway and aren't exactly renowned for their critical thinking skills.

Chick is extreme even by fundie standards, though. Even some fundie bookstores won't stock his stuff or don't do so prominently due to backlash over the years from Catholics. I would wager that many of the people who leave his tracts for people to find haven't read them closely if at all, or rationalize that the overall message of "become a born-again Christian" justifies all the wacky crap, like a steaming turd with a delicious caramel/nougat center.
posted by DecemberBoy at 9:00 PM on November 23, 2008 [1 favorite]

Here's links to the "inside accounts" by the same guy:
Wicca - Satan's Little White Lie by William Schnoebelen - "Bill Schnoebelen thought Wicca was a harmless nature-worshipping religion. But once he got on the inside and began climbing to higher and higher levels, he learned that it is nothing more than one of Satan's most clever recruiting tools"
Lucifer Dethroned by William Schnoebelen - "In his search for truth, Bill Schnoebelen eventually found himself involved in hard core Satanism. This book describes his descent. Read about how he moved quickly from level to level, seeking power."
Masonry - Beyond the Light by William Schnoebelen - "Many Christians believe Masonry is a fine, Christian organization. But as Bill Schnoebelen climbed to Masonry's 32nd degree he discovered horrifying facts about this organization that lower level Masons never learn."

So to summarize, this guy has supposedly been a 32nd degree Freemason (which you can't exactly become overnight), a high-level Satanist (which, again, in actual groups like the Church of Satan and Temple of Set, you can't exactly become overnight), and a high-level Wiccan (which doesn't even have "levels"). Their idea of fraternal societies and the occult sounds a lot like Dungeons & Dragons, which I guess explains why they also claim D&D is a gateway to Satanism and that players learn actual Satanic sorcery once their character reaches a high enough level (I don't want to be Black Leaf anymore! I want to be Debbie!).
posted by DecemberBoy at 9:24 PM on November 23, 2008

[Jack Chick is] also a well-known anti-Catholic bigot

Jack Chick is a well-known anti-a-whole-lotta-people bigot.
posted by Flunkie at 9:25 PM on November 23, 2008

I'd expect to for making me miss out on Smurfs and such.

Just so you know, the show was actually pretty smurfing boring.
posted by Deathalicious at 9:28 PM on November 23, 2008

I will whole-heartedly agree that Dora is a flat-out evil cartoon. Not because of the talking animals or anything like that - because it is one of the most brain-dead and insulting pieces of corporate advertising masquerading as an "educational" cartoon I've seen.
What corporations does it advertise for?
I kind of like Dora. She is a strong, smart and resourceful girl who always helps her friends. It is one of the very shows (at least where I live) with a girl in the lead who is not looking for some kind of handsome prince. I could care less about the "educational" part, but that's true about all the things that are marked educational these days (don't get me started about those "educational" game computers for children, so that parents nowadays think that "Winnie the Pooh's counting game" is a better game than, say, a Mario game, because the former teaches your child to count to five!).

What do you think are better non-scary (Gargamel is way too scary for my child, for example) cartoons for the same audience (3-5 year olds?), preferably with a girl in the lead role?
posted by davar at 12:34 AM on November 24, 2008

From the CAPalert Babe: Pig in the City review that salishsea linked above:

The big city presented `big city' ethics. Women skating around in thong bikinis, if I know what thong bikinis look like, with the sides of their breasts and much of the buttocks hanging out

wha? Really? It seems like I've seen that movie two or three times, and I don't remember that at all. Has anyone noticed this? I guess I'm not very observant.
posted by taz at 2:34 AM on November 24, 2008

In his search for truth, Bill Schnoebelen eventually found himself involved in hard core Satanism...

But as Bill Schnoebelen climbed to Masonry's 32nd degree...

But once he got on the inside and began climbing to higher and higher levels...


That Bill Schnoebelen is one busy man.
posted by Spatch at 5:34 AM on November 24, 2008

What corporations does it advertise for?

It advertises Dora the Explorer as a brand. There are scads of Dora the Explorer products and toys out there, and kids who like the show will lobby for it all.
posted by orange swan at 6:24 AM on November 24, 2008

This link, though, feels like satire to me.
posted by JDHarper

The first thing I did was click on the Gods and Gays link which has a tape recorded interview with Jesus as to why he hates homosexuals:

What did God tell you about Homosexuality?

When I was only 5 years old, God greased up my carrot and held it in his hand. As he lovingly stroked my onions he told me, "Son, don't you ever let any man do what I'm doing to you right now. Only stick your carrot into barnholes. Carrots go into barnholes. Got that? Don't you go sticking your carrot into another man's mouth or mystery hole...or you'll DIE and go to HELL."

And did you believe him?

I sure did! If I hadn't believed what he told me, you can bet I would have acted on my desires long ago and jumped every man on earth.

What? What did you say?!?

Don't you get it? All men are homosexuals! But God says it's wrong, so no one is supposed to act on their true desires! That's the basis of Christianity. You're not supposed to do the things you really want to do. Next question.

After that I was pretty confident that this was a satire.
posted by Secret Life of Gravy at 6:43 AM on November 24, 2008

What corporations does it advertise for?

It is its own brand, with multiple toys and tie-ins. So it is an advertisement for itself, which is a neat trick.

What do you think are better non-scary (Gargamel is way too scary for my child, for example) cartoons for the same audience (3-5 year olds?), preferably with a girl in the lead role?

This point I empathize with. I have boys, and there do seem to be far more cartoons in this age range with male characters in the lead role. Thomas the Tank Engine is very big in my house at the moment, as is Bob the Builder (which at least has Wendy).
posted by never used baby shoes at 8:16 AM on November 24, 2008

It is its own brand, with multiple toys and tie-ins. So it is an advertisement for itself, which is a neat trick.
Ah, I see. But isn't that true about every kids show/movie these days? Thomas the Tank and Bob the Builder also all have their lego, boardgame, soft toys, furniture etc. equivalent.
And yes, Bob has Wendy, who is a faithful assistant/secretary. She is a cool assistant who uses a hammer sometimes, but still.
posted by davar at 9:07 AM on November 24, 2008

Thomas the Tank Engine was created by a man of god!

(However I suspect they hide cocaine in the little trains, or something, from the evidence of my two year olds Thomas addiction)
posted by Artw at 9:10 AM on November 24, 2008

Why all the smurf hating? I loved that show and I am not embarassed to admit it!

c'mon, there have to be more of you who loved them too? Anyone?
posted by bitteroldman at 9:40 AM on November 24, 2008

So to summarize, this guy has supposedly been a 32nd degree Freemason (which you can't exactly become overnight), a high-level Satanist (which, again, in actual groups like the Church of Satan and Temple of Set, you can't exactly become overnight), and a high-level Wiccan (which doesn't even have "levels"). Their idea of fraternal societies and the occult sounds a lot like Dungeons & Dragons,

To be fair, under the rules of 2nd Edition AD&D, this is exactly the progression you have to go through if you want to make a bard character.
posted by straight at 10:53 AM on November 24, 2008 [1 favorite]

I'm not really entirely sure how bards progress beyond 1st level, except maybe hanging around at the back and hoping for some group XP.
posted by Artw at 11:33 AM on November 24, 2008

But isn't that true about every kids show/movie these days? Thomas the Tank and Bob the Builder also all have their lego, boardgame, soft toys, furniture etc. equivalent.

Yes, all kids shows have their merchandise. However, I have never seen Bob or Thomas used in quite this way (yet).
posted by never used baby shoes at 12:25 PM on November 24, 2008

I'm not really entirely sure how bards progress beyond 1st level,

Three part harmonies.
posted by The Whelk at 1:22 PM on November 24, 2008

I have never seen Bob or Thomas used in quite this way (yet).
I have never seen Dora used in that way over here either. It probably depends on where you live. We do have Dora cookies, but I think the Bob the Builder "yogurt" is worse, because parents think that that is healthy.

Many higher educated parents around here prefer Belgian public tv over Nickolodeon etc. So their children don't watch Dora, but they do watch Mega Mindy, who is a super heroine in need of a handsome prince. Even though this is public tv, there is still lots of merchanise, including branded "healthy" cookies and shower gel.

The most famous Dutch children's story is probably "Jip en Janneke". It was written in the fifties, and it is still read to most children, used in classrooms etc. One of the largest department stores in the country (Hema) bought the merchanidize rights and now there is an entire isle of Jip and Janneke stuff, including all kinds of food. Does that mean that Jip and Janneke is evil now and parents should not read it to their children because even though it once was good, and it is generally considered a classic, it now is just corporate advertising?
posted by davar at 1:47 AM on November 25, 2008

Well, there you go. I've never seen Bob used to push food over here, so that probably gets at the root of this discussion - all kids shows are commercial, but we're wanting to draw the line at some point; that point just depends on how the merchandise is being handled where we live.

It is probably only a matter of time before I'm seeing Bob in the cereal aisle here in Canada. It is just frustrating to realize - as your example makes clear - there is nothing that the corporations won't try to use to make our kids pester us to buy things. That is perhaps the saddest thing of all.
posted by never used baby shoes at 7:52 AM on November 25, 2008