It's 1 AM, do you know where your enemies are?

November 26, 2008 10:36 PM

I often find myself asking, "Who wants to kill me and how can I avoid them?"
It seems that the list is pretty long. There are a whole batch of international threats out to get me. There also appear to be a number of street gangs, happy to do the deed as well. What's worse is that they are spreading. However, since I don't travel abroad and I don't live in a fancy-dancy city like Los Angeles, Chicago or Fargo, I'm probably safe right? Nope, sadly it seems hate groups are everywhere -- in my backyard and probably yours. I think this year I'm having Thanksgiving in the bunker.
posted by BeReasonable (43 comments total)

Hi everyone, have you guys seen this new show Prototype This? It's no Mythbusters, but it has a few funny moments.
posted by roll truck roll at 10:53 PM on November 26, 2008 [1 favorite has favorites]

What?
posted by pracowity at 10:58 PM on November 26, 2008

They're in your bunker too. And in your dreams.
posted by Burhanistan at 10:59 PM on November 26, 2008

Rhode Island: O hate groups.

...
Sweet!
posted by CitrusFreak12 at 11:07 PM on November 26, 2008 [1 favorite has favorites]

But apparently you still have gangs.
posted by BeReasonable at 11:12 PM on November 26, 2008

True. But they're all the way up in Providence. 20 minutes from my house. That's like... from the shire to Mount Doom. Totally on the other side of the globe.

And my god, ProJo, what were you thinking with that website? It looks terrible.
posted by CitrusFreak12 at 11:13 PM on November 26, 2008 [1 favorite has favorites]

Nortenos graffiti in Missoula, Montana!

It's everywhere, man!
posted by Tube at 11:14 PM on November 26, 2008

They lurk in your turkey, rough up your stuffing, cram your cranberries, jam your yams. They're jumpin' your pumpkin pie.

Goblins!
posted by pracowity at 11:22 PM on November 26, 2008 [3 favorites has favorites]

In the last link, I found a few groups categorized as "general hate". What's the recruitment like? "Join us, we hate everyone"?
posted by Harald74 at 12:10 AM on November 27, 2008 [5 favorites has favorites]

I hate hate groups, but online databases that show where adherents live is pretty scary.

I mean if this thing showed where mosques and islamic schools were I think (or hope) the FBI would be looking into it.
posted by Citizen Premier at 12:35 AM on November 27, 2008 [1 favorite has favorites]

I often find myself asking, "Who wants to kill me and how can I avoid them?"

Your cat, and you're as good as dead.
posted by daniel_charms at 1:48 AM on November 27, 2008 [4 favorites has favorites]

the truth may be out there but the lies are inside your head.
(pratchett)
posted by krautland at 1:57 AM on November 27, 2008

Would a group set up to hate hate groups hate be a hate group?
posted by sien at 1:59 AM on November 27, 2008

I am having turkey today and later my cat will have me (she hopes).
posted by shockingbluamp at 2:38 AM on November 27, 2008

sien: Not neccessarily, for example the Southern Poverty Law Center is not a hate group, but rather a profiteering direct marketing organization that effectively just does PR for hate groups.
posted by blasdelf at 2:40 AM on November 27, 2008 [1 favorite has favorites]

From the new Scholastic Aptitude Test:

Duane has an AK47 with a 30 round clip. If he misses 6 out of 10 shots and shoots 13 times at each drive by shooting, how many drive by shootings can he attempt before he has to reload?
posted by netbros at 3:07 AM on November 27, 2008 [1 favorite has favorites]

The Tiny Rascal Gangsters sound absolutely adorable.
posted by jokeefe at 3:17 AM on November 27, 2008

Harald74 - I believe they have a grievance against all senior ranking military officials.
posted by patricio at 3:31 AM on November 27, 2008

Seeing as how most of the 42 hate groups in Georgia seem to be clustered around my fair city of Atlanta, I demand a street view option to the SPL map.

You know, so I can see if they have hateful lawn gnomes.
posted by Panjandrum at 3:39 AM on November 27, 2008 [2 favorites has favorites]

That hate-group map has 0 hate groups in Alaska. We know that can't be right.
posted by Kirth Gerson at 3:44 AM on November 27, 2008

Someone should invent the gated community...... Oh.
posted by Senator at 3:53 AM on November 27, 2008

Where is the Republican Party?

I kid, I keeeeed
posted by zippy at 4:13 AM on November 27, 2008

I agree with daniel charms... there is nothing we should fear more than our cats.
posted by HuronBob at 4:53 AM on November 27, 2008

Alright Muncie! Skinheads and neo-nazis! Take that, Indy!!!
posted by Thorzdad at 4:57 AM on November 27, 2008

my enemies are in the backyard under the swimming pool
posted by pyramid termite at 5:38 AM on November 27, 2008

my enemies are in the backyard under the swimming pool
shouldn't have admitted to that.
posted by krautland at 5:46 AM on November 27, 2008

My cat will never harm me: he needs me to open the cat food.
posted by RussHy at 6:32 AM on November 27, 2008

Maybe the government will seize my cat's trademark and force him to give up all of his gang paraphernalia.
posted by robtf3 at 6:46 AM on November 27, 2008

seize my cat's trademark

Hairball™?
posted by zippy at 7:02 AM on November 27, 2008

> in my backyard

In my back yard the squirrels are giving one another a very hard time today.
posted by jfuller at 7:36 AM on November 27, 2008

Are the Chicago Gaylords what I think they are? Because that'd be AMAZING. Like the fabled Lavender Panthers.
posted by gc at 8:16 AM on November 27, 2008 [2 favorites has favorites]

And that's why I chose to travel to the other side of the country for Thanksgiving. My enemies won't know where I am now! (Unless my enemies are other MeFites ... or my family?) Plus, I left my cats behind. They're fed, but far from me and my turkey.
posted by filthy light thief at 8:18 AM on November 27, 2008

gc: they're actually FABULOUS, not AMAZING. Get it right, or they'll pummel you. They're serious as sing-alongs.

BeReasonable - you must have a very diverse family. Because if everyone hates you, you must have done something to piss them off. Or maybe you're just a equal-opportunity sympathizer.
posted by filthy light thief at 8:23 AM on November 27, 2008

I often find myself asking, "Who wants to kill me and how can I avoid them?"

I believe that 2/3rds of murders are committed by a friend, relative, or acquaintance of the victim. All you have to do is avoid those three groups, and you'll probably be safe.
posted by deanc at 8:29 AM on November 27, 2008 [2 favorites has favorites]

I one shared a room with a vice lord in a psych ward - true story.
(no. really true. *whimper*)
posted by Jeremy at 9:18 AM on November 27, 2008

You want to put up your skepticism a lot when you start hearing about gangs, organized crime, drug cartels, crime rings, etc. Not that these things don't exist, but there's a lot of exaggeration and lies to support unfounded fear and authoritarianism often with a nice added OH NO SCARY MINORITIES bonus.

Blatant examples.
posted by TheOnlyCoolTim at 9:37 AM on November 27, 2008

Paranoia strikes deep
Into your life it will creep
It starts when you're always afraid
You step out of line, the man come and take you away...
posted by Seekerofsplendor at 10:00 AM on November 27, 2008 [1 favorite has favorites]

In seriousness, I knew no place could be considered safe after a friend of mine got a random death threat on a bus in Berkeley a year ago because of her ethnicity, "You ought to be shot- your people keep taking our jobs!", and the other people on the bus? Laughed. (not at the guy, with him.)

So yeah. "Don't be brown in the town." is pretty universal here.
posted by yeloson at 10:08 AM on November 27, 2008

I often find myself asking, "Who wants to kill me and how can I avoid them?"

To put things in perspective, you're one hell of a lot more likely to be killed by a stupid fucker in an SUV yapping on a cell phone than a gang banger. Those people are trying to kill you every day.
posted by George_Spiggott at 2:20 PM on November 27, 2008 [1 favorite has favorites]

Alright Muncie! Skinheads and neo-nazis! Take that, Indy!!!

Well, Milwaukee's so diverse we have white and black hate groups. In your face Muncie!
posted by MikeMc at 4:24 PM on November 27, 2008

In the last link, I found a few groups categorized as "general hate". What's the recruitment like? "Join us, we hate everyone"?

Reminds me of the old Steve Martin movie, The Jerk. Character flips to random names in the phonebook and hunts these people down. It's not that this couldn't happen, but that he takes it personally, shouting: "Random bastards!"
posted by Durn Bronzefist at 4:44 PM on November 27, 2008

daniel_charms: Cat plotting to kill you.
posted by cjorgensen at 5:18 PM on November 27, 2008

The idea behind America is that WE KILL THEM FIRST.
posted by deusdiabolus at 5:45 PM on November 28, 2008