It's 1 AM, do you know where your enemies are?
November 26, 2008 10:36 PM Subscribe
I often find myself asking, "Who wants to kill me and how can I avoid them?"
It seems that the list is pretty long. There are a whole batch of international threats out to get me. There also appear to be a number of street gangs, happy to do the deed as well. What's worse is that they are spreading. However, since I don't travel abroad and I don't live in a fancy-dancy city like Los Angeles, Chicago or Fargo, I'm probably safe right? Nope, sadly it seems hate groups are everywhere -- in my backyard and probably yours. I think this year I'm having Thanksgiving in the bunker.
It seems that the list is pretty long. There are a whole batch of international threats out to get me. There also appear to be a number of street gangs, happy to do the deed as well. What's worse is that they are spreading. However, since I don't travel abroad and I don't live in a fancy-dancy city like Los Angeles, Chicago or Fargo, I'm probably safe right? Nope, sadly it seems hate groups are everywhere -- in my backyard and probably yours. I think this year I'm having Thanksgiving in the bunker.
Rhode Island: O hate groups.
...
Sweet!
posted by CitrusFreak12 at 11:07 PM on November 26, 2008 [1 favorite]
...
Sweet!
posted by CitrusFreak12 at 11:07 PM on November 26, 2008 [1 favorite]
True. But they're all the way up in Providence. 20 minutes from my house. That's like... from the shire to Mount Doom. Totally on the other side of the globe.
And my god, ProJo, what were you thinking with that website? It looks terrible.
posted by CitrusFreak12 at 11:13 PM on November 26, 2008 [1 favorite]
And my god, ProJo, what were you thinking with that website? It looks terrible.
posted by CitrusFreak12 at 11:13 PM on November 26, 2008 [1 favorite]
Nortenos graffiti in Missoula, Montana!
It's everywhere, man!
posted by Tube at 11:14 PM on November 26, 2008
It's everywhere, man!
posted by Tube at 11:14 PM on November 26, 2008
They lurk in your turkey, rough up your stuffing, cram your cranberries, jam your yams. They're jumpin' your pumpkin pie.
Goblins!
posted by pracowity at 11:22 PM on November 26, 2008 [3 favorites]
Goblins!
posted by pracowity at 11:22 PM on November 26, 2008 [3 favorites]
In the last link, I found a few groups categorized as "general hate". What's the recruitment like? "Join us, we hate everyone"?
posted by Harald74 at 12:10 AM on November 27, 2008 [5 favorites]
posted by Harald74 at 12:10 AM on November 27, 2008 [5 favorites]
I hate hate groups, but online databases that show where adherents live is pretty scary.
I mean if this thing showed where mosques and islamic schools were I think (or hope) the FBI would be looking into it.
posted by Citizen Premier at 12:35 AM on November 27, 2008 [1 favorite]
I mean if this thing showed where mosques and islamic schools were I think (or hope) the FBI would be looking into it.
posted by Citizen Premier at 12:35 AM on November 27, 2008 [1 favorite]
I often find myself asking, "Who wants to kill me and how can I avoid them?"
Your cat, and you're as good as dead.
posted by daniel_charms at 1:48 AM on November 27, 2008 [4 favorites]
Your cat, and you're as good as dead.
posted by daniel_charms at 1:48 AM on November 27, 2008 [4 favorites]
the truth may be out there but the lies are inside your head.
(pratchett)
posted by krautland at 1:57 AM on November 27, 2008
(pratchett)
posted by krautland at 1:57 AM on November 27, 2008
Would a group set up to hate hate groups hate be a hate group?
posted by sien at 1:59 AM on November 27, 2008
posted by sien at 1:59 AM on November 27, 2008
I am having turkey today and later my cat will have me (she hopes).
posted by shockingbluamp at 2:38 AM on November 27, 2008
posted by shockingbluamp at 2:38 AM on November 27, 2008
sien: Not neccessarily, for example the Southern Poverty Law Center is not a hate group, but rather a profiteering direct marketing organization that effectively just does PR for hate groups.
posted by blasdelf at 2:40 AM on November 27, 2008 [1 favorite]
posted by blasdelf at 2:40 AM on November 27, 2008 [1 favorite]
From the new Scholastic Aptitude Test:
Duane has an AK47 with a 30 round clip. If he misses 6 out of 10 shots and shoots 13 times at each drive by shooting, how many drive by shootings can he attempt before he has to reload?
posted by netbros at 3:07 AM on November 27, 2008
Duane has an AK47 with a 30 round clip. If he misses 6 out of 10 shots and shoots 13 times at each drive by shooting, how many drive by shootings can he attempt before he has to reload?
posted by netbros at 3:07 AM on November 27, 2008
The Tiny Rascal Gangsters sound absolutely adorable.
posted by jokeefe at 3:17 AM on November 27, 2008
posted by jokeefe at 3:17 AM on November 27, 2008
Harald74 - I believe they have a grievance against all senior ranking military officials.
posted by patricio at 3:31 AM on November 27, 2008
posted by patricio at 3:31 AM on November 27, 2008
Seeing as how most of the 42 hate groups in Georgia seem to be clustered around my fair city of Atlanta, I demand a street view option to the SPL map.
You know, so I can see if they have hateful lawn gnomes.
posted by Panjandrum at 3:39 AM on November 27, 2008 [2 favorites]
You know, so I can see if they have hateful lawn gnomes.
posted by Panjandrum at 3:39 AM on November 27, 2008 [2 favorites]
That hate-group map has 0 hate groups in Alaska. We know that can't be right.
posted by Kirth Gerson at 3:44 AM on November 27, 2008
posted by Kirth Gerson at 3:44 AM on November 27, 2008
Someone should invent the gated community...... Oh.
posted by Senator at 3:53 AM on November 27, 2008
posted by Senator at 3:53 AM on November 27, 2008
I agree with daniel charms... there is nothing we should fear more than our cats.
posted by HuronBob at 4:53 AM on November 27, 2008
posted by HuronBob at 4:53 AM on November 27, 2008
Alright Muncie! Skinheads and neo-nazis! Take that, Indy!!!
posted by Thorzdad at 4:57 AM on November 27, 2008
posted by Thorzdad at 4:57 AM on November 27, 2008
my enemies are in the backyard under the swimming pool
posted by pyramid termite at 5:38 AM on November 27, 2008
posted by pyramid termite at 5:38 AM on November 27, 2008
my enemies are in the backyard under the swimming pool
shouldn't have admitted to that.
posted by krautland at 5:46 AM on November 27, 2008
shouldn't have admitted to that.
posted by krautland at 5:46 AM on November 27, 2008
My cat will never harm me: he needs me to open the cat food.
posted by RussHy at 6:32 AM on November 27, 2008
posted by RussHy at 6:32 AM on November 27, 2008
Maybe the government will seize my cat's trademark and force him to give up all of his gang paraphernalia.
posted by robtf3 at 6:46 AM on November 27, 2008
posted by robtf3 at 6:46 AM on November 27, 2008
> in my backyard
In my back yard the squirrels are giving one another a very hard time today.
posted by jfuller at 7:36 AM on November 27, 2008
In my back yard the squirrels are giving one another a very hard time today.
posted by jfuller at 7:36 AM on November 27, 2008
Are the Chicago Gaylords what I think they are? Because that'd be AMAZING. Like the fabled Lavender Panthers.
posted by gc at 8:16 AM on November 27, 2008 [2 favorites]
posted by gc at 8:16 AM on November 27, 2008 [2 favorites]
And that's why I chose to travel to the other side of the country for Thanksgiving. My enemies won't know where I am now! (Unless my enemies are other MeFites ... or my family?) Plus, I left my cats behind. They're fed, but far from me and my turkey.
posted by filthy light thief at 8:18 AM on November 27, 2008
posted by filthy light thief at 8:18 AM on November 27, 2008
gc: they're actually FABULOUS, not AMAZING. Get it right, or they'll pummel you. They're serious as sing-alongs.
BeReasonable - you must have a very diverse family. Because if everyone hates you, you must have done something to piss them off. Or maybe you're just a equal-opportunity sympathizer.
posted by filthy light thief at 8:23 AM on November 27, 2008
BeReasonable - you must have a very diverse family. Because if everyone hates you, you must have done something to piss them off. Or maybe you're just a equal-opportunity sympathizer.
posted by filthy light thief at 8:23 AM on November 27, 2008
I often find myself asking, "Who wants to kill me and how can I avoid them?"
I believe that 2/3rds of murders are committed by a friend, relative, or acquaintance of the victim. All you have to do is avoid those three groups, and you'll probably be safe.
posted by deanc at 8:29 AM on November 27, 2008 [2 favorites]
I believe that 2/3rds of murders are committed by a friend, relative, or acquaintance of the victim. All you have to do is avoid those three groups, and you'll probably be safe.
posted by deanc at 8:29 AM on November 27, 2008 [2 favorites]
I one shared a room with a vice lord in a psych ward - true story.
(no. really true. *whimper*)
posted by Jeremy at 9:18 AM on November 27, 2008
(no. really true. *whimper*)
posted by Jeremy at 9:18 AM on November 27, 2008
You want to put up your skepticism a lot when you start hearing about gangs, organized crime, drug cartels, crime rings, etc. Not that these things don't exist, but there's a lot of exaggeration and lies to support unfounded fear and authoritarianism often with a nice added OH NO SCARY MINORITIES bonus.
Blatant examples.
posted by TheOnlyCoolTim at 9:37 AM on November 27, 2008
Blatant examples.
posted by TheOnlyCoolTim at 9:37 AM on November 27, 2008
Paranoia strikes deep
Into your life it will creep
It starts when you're always afraid
You step out of line, the man come and take you away...
posted by Seekerofsplendor at 10:00 AM on November 27, 2008 [1 favorite]
Into your life it will creep
It starts when you're always afraid
You step out of line, the man come and take you away...
posted by Seekerofsplendor at 10:00 AM on November 27, 2008 [1 favorite]
In seriousness, I knew no place could be considered safe after a friend of mine got a random death threat on a bus in Berkeley a year ago because of her ethnicity, "You ought to be shot- your people keep taking our jobs!", and the other people on the bus? Laughed. (not at the guy, with him.)
So yeah. "Don't be brown in the town." is pretty universal here.
posted by yeloson at 10:08 AM on November 27, 2008
So yeah. "Don't be brown in the town." is pretty universal here.
posted by yeloson at 10:08 AM on November 27, 2008
I often find myself asking, "Who wants to kill me and how can I avoid them?"
To put things in perspective, you're one hell of a lot more likely to be killed by a stupid fucker in an SUV yapping on a cell phone than a gang banger. Those people are trying to kill you every day.
posted by George_Spiggott at 2:20 PM on November 27, 2008 [1 favorite]
To put things in perspective, you're one hell of a lot more likely to be killed by a stupid fucker in an SUV yapping on a cell phone than a gang banger. Those people are trying to kill you every day.
posted by George_Spiggott at 2:20 PM on November 27, 2008 [1 favorite]
Alright Muncie! Skinheads and neo-nazis! Take that, Indy!!!
Well, Milwaukee's so diverse we have white and black hate groups. In your face Muncie!
posted by MikeMc at 4:24 PM on November 27, 2008
Well, Milwaukee's so diverse we have white and black hate groups. In your face Muncie!
posted by MikeMc at 4:24 PM on November 27, 2008
In the last link, I found a few groups categorized as "general hate". What's the recruitment like? "Join us, we hate everyone"?
Reminds me of the old Steve Martin movie, The Jerk. Character flips to random names in the phonebook and hunts these people down. It's not that this couldn't happen, but that he takes it personally, shouting: "Random bastards!"
posted by Durn Bronzefist at 4:44 PM on November 27, 2008
Reminds me of the old Steve Martin movie, The Jerk. Character flips to random names in the phonebook and hunts these people down. It's not that this couldn't happen, but that he takes it personally, shouting: "Random bastards!"
posted by Durn Bronzefist at 4:44 PM on November 27, 2008
The idea behind America is that WE KILL THEM FIRST.
posted by deusdiabolus at 5:45 PM on November 28, 2008
posted by deusdiabolus at 5:45 PM on November 28, 2008
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