Comments on: I piss on Gods stupid world!

I piss on Gods stupid world!

Artw — Tue, 02 Dec 2008 23:26:24 -0800

"Our boss is a madman! I was in the sorting office and he said our system was outdated! I spat in his face! He fired me! I have to look for a job now!" Would Klaus Kinski have been so angry if he hadn't been so famous? A vintage column by Graham Linham (Father Ted, The IT Crowd) from the late lamented Neon magazine. (via).

By: awfurby

awfurby — Tue, 02 Dec 2008 23:42:19 -0800

Ah that's gold. But because you used the words "Father Ted" I kept imagining the voice of Father Ted as I read it.

By: Artw

Artw — Tue, 02 Dec 2008 23:45:53 -0800

Once after receiving a lashing from Kinski over the phone, Herzog drove to Kinski's house with a jerrycan full of petrol intent on burning the house down with Kinski inside. Herzog changed his mind halfway on route, mainly because he was afraid of Kinski's big Alsatian.

By: kaibutsu

kaibutsu — Wed, 03 Dec 2008 00:28:22 -0800

Aguille is one of my favorite movies of all time. I usually introduce it, though, as the best film about German-speaking Spanish conquistadors ever put to film. I like it because every 'civilized' character is insane, and in the end, the natives win.

By: loquacious

loquacious — Wed, 03 Dec 2008 01:08:16 -0800

Once after receiving a lashing from Kinski over the phone, Herzog drove to Kinski's house with a jerrycan full of petrol Excuse me. I need to resort to an emoticon and a few superfluous exclamation points. :D !!!

By: maryh

maryh — Wed, 03 Dec 2008 01:24:05 -0800

I was working at a bookstore in a very wealthy, conservative suburb when Kinski's autobiography hit the shelves. My friend Lynn strolled up to me and slapped the book down on the counter. "Now this is a blurb," she said, gesturing to the back of the dustcover: On Herzog: "He should be thrown to the crocodiles alive! An anaconda should throttle him slowly! The sting of a deadly spider should paralyze him! His brain should burst from the bite of the most poisonous of all snakes! Panthers shouldn't slit his throat open with their claws, that would be too good for him! No. Big red ants should piss in his eyes, eat his balls, penetrate his asshole, and eat his guts! He should get the plague! Syphilis! Malaria! Yellow fever! Leprosy! In vain. The more I wish the most horrible of deaths on him and treat him like the scum of the earth that he is, the less I can get rid of him!" Jesus! That was the jacket copy! By the end of the morning most of the staff had memorized the back cover blurb and were doing impromptu readings from the book (out of earshot of our stodgy customers, of course). That damn thing brought us so much joy during the 2 or so weeks until the publisher recalled all the copies. I have plenty of regrets from this sorry life of mine, and one of the more sizable ones is that I didn't buy a copy of the original hardcover of All I Need Is Love (reissued as Kinski Uncut).

By: Wolof

Wolof — Wed, 03 Dec 2008 01:41:37 -0800

A vintage column by Graham Linham Let us now praise famous men.

By: krautland

krautland — Wed, 03 Dec 2008 02:08:30 -0800

I can't make my mind up on whether kinski really was this angry or if this all was a fantastic and very long-lived pr-stunt.

By: Cantdosleepy

Cantdosleepy — Wed, 03 Dec 2008 02:08:32 -0800

This guy sounds awesome.

By: misteraitch

misteraitch — Wed, 03 Dec 2008 02:17:47 -0800

I never read Neon but I recall Linehan also used to write a column for Select magazine (also long defunct), which I recall as being not all that funny. I was (very pleasantly) suprised on first watching Father Ted to find the fellow I'd supposed to be a meh columnist was in fact a comedy genius.

By: twoleftfeet

twoleftfeet — Wed, 03 Dec 2008 02:29:59 -0800

Hey Nastassja. We were supposed to meet here in this Metafilter post. Sorry I missed you. Call me again re: your fucked up father. You say he was a great actor but a nasty human being. We'll begin therapy next week... with the idea that your father really wasn't that great an actor.

By: Mocata

Mocata — Wed, 03 Dec 2008 02:34:46 -0800

Neon was fantastic and Graham Linehan's column was great. I remember the script notes for Star Wars very fondly (lose the songs; also replace the wiffle bat with something more dramatic - perhaps some kind of laser sword?).

By: ghastlyfop

ghastlyfop — Wed, 03 Dec 2008 04:20:02 -0800

Kinski's autobiography is an absolute must-read. It stands along with The Secret Life of Salvador Dali as the most batshit insane autobiographies of all time.

By: Devils Rancher

Devils Rancher — Wed, 03 Dec 2008 04:29:24 -0800

Was he some sort of real-life inspiration for Ignatius J. Reilly? Take away the famous, and you've got you one hell of a hot dog pusher.

By: carbide

carbide — Wed, 03 Dec 2008 04:38:49 -0800

Now that is how exclamation marks should be used! Examplary! Grotesque, obscene and peppy! Let us now praise famous men. The Sound of Young America interview is super, too!

By: billysumday

billysumday — Wed, 03 Dec 2008 04:39:14 -0800

It's such a fine line between Klaus Kinski and Michael Savage. I'm sure if Kinski had had his own radio show for 3 hours a day he'd have been executed by the state. But damn, Michael Savage never could have created such a beautiful daughter. Stupid story: a friend of mine used to work in a video store and, to pass the time, he and his coworkers would try to combine titles and make funny combinations. Their favorite: "Jerry Maguirre: Wrath of God." Always makes me laugh.

By: zardoz

zardoz — Wed, 03 Dec 2008 04:41:10 -0800

For an entire documentary about the madness of Klaus Kinski, run, don't walk, and check out My Best Fiend. The relationship between Kinski and Werner Herzog (who's quite the nutjob in his own right) is...unique.

By: le morte de bea arthur

le morte de bea arthur — Wed, 03 Dec 2008 05:25:56 -0800

Linehan was on Charlie Brooker's screenwipe last night as part of a special on writers. He had a lot of insightful stuff to say; a couple of the other interviewees were pricks though.

By: Civil_Disobedient

Civil_Disobedient — Wed, 03 Dec 2008 05:30:34 -0800

Kinski equation: Motherfucker! (something bad happens) I am an asshole!

By: DU

DU — Wed, 03 Dec 2008 05:36:45 -0800

I love Klaus Kinski. That's where he's a Viking. (I can see him wearing only furs and a scepter with a human skull atop a pyramid of bodies drinking blood from a flagon.)

By: phooky

phooky — Wed, 03 Dec 2008 06:04:10 -0800

I usually introduce it, though, as the best film about German-speaking Spanish conquistadors ever filmed in English, and then dubbed in German by different actors put to film.

By: slimepuppy

slimepuppy — Wed, 03 Dec 2008 06:28:25 -0800

Sublime. Everything in life is better when read in either a Herzog or Kinski voice/style.

By: fearfulsymmetry

fearfulsymmetry — Wed, 03 Dec 2008 06:44:11 -0800

Neon was the greatest magazine ever... I still morn it's passing (esp compared with the limp advertorial junk that clogs up Smiths today) Oh and Kinski seems a totally reasonably man...

By: chuckdarwin

chuckdarwin — Wed, 03 Dec 2008 06:48:04 -0800

WOMEN: "As soon as I fuck a girl or she's sucked me off, I want to leave her immediately. If one sucks me over for so long that I let her sleep with me and she wants to cuddle up to me, I kick her away." That is the single most romantic thing I've ever read. ~

By: ricochet biscuit

ricochet biscuit — Wed, 03 Dec 2008 06:54:28 -0800

Someone once described Aguirre as Apocalypse Now with Kinski playing both Sheen's and Brando's parts. Billysumday: Their favorite: "Jerry Maguirre: Wrath of God." Always makes me laugh. This same one came to me years ago when I saw a movie marquee partially obstructed and I could see only AGUIRE in the title Jerry Maguire. To my mind, this title is right up there with Jane Eyre Force One.

By: thebergfather

thebergfather — Wed, 03 Dec 2008 06:58:24 -0800

Seconding My Best Fiend. Here's a link to the opening scene, with Kinski "playing" Jesus. Seems like a pretty intense guy, no?

By: adamdschneider

adamdschneider — Wed, 03 Dec 2008 07:16:47 -0800

Christ, etc.

By: Joe Beese

Joe Beese — Wed, 03 Dec 2008 07:18:36 -0800

All I Need Is Love may be the most riveting celebrity memoir ever written. [At least the first half of it.] The portrayal of his impoverished childhood in Poland rivals Jerzy Kosinski's The Painted Bird for intensifying wretchedness to an almost metaphysical level:

A sow sets a soup plate down on the table before me. It is filled to the brim and the soup sloshes over. Her hands up to her wrists are dunked in the gray muck, where white pieces of fat float around like corpses. I nearly puke.

Marcelle Clement's The Dog Is Us also has an amusing profile of Kinski that was originally published in Esquire, I believe. If memory serves, they're driving around when Kinski fumes "I see signs saying 'Right Turn Only' and I want to scream 'Fuck you!'".

By: fungible

fungible — Wed, 03 Dec 2008 07:39:32 -0800

I was just watching Fitzcarraldo last night. All those guys are fucking insane.

By: Joe Beese

Joe Beese — Wed, 03 Dec 2008 07:41:04 -0800

Metafilter: All those guys are fucking insane

By: OolooKitty

OolooKitty — Wed, 03 Dec 2008 08:24:27 -0800

I second the love for "My Best Fiend", and fondly remember a scene in which I believe one of the locals hired as an extra takes Herzog aside and offers to kill Kinski for him. A great documentary and one that will remove all doubt as to whether Kinski was a complete nutcase or not. The relationship between Kinski and Herzog is fascinating. Herzog is a monument to patience... or maybe he's just gone terribly, terribly numb.

By: louche mustachio

louche mustachio — Wed, 03 Dec 2008 08:33:16 -0800

An alarmingly large portion of Kinski's autobiography consists of him fucking everything that stands still long enough to allow it, followed by him hating those that were foolish enough to have allowed said fucking to take place. And then come the venereal diseases.

By: louche mustachio

louche mustachio — Wed, 03 Dec 2008 08:36:51 -0800

I think the reason that Herzog was able to work with Kinski is that he's a bit mad himself, but it's a slow, methodical, determined madness that looks like sanity in comparison to Kinski's mercurial mania.

By: Artw

Artw — Wed, 03 Dec 2008 08:59:09 -0800

The chicken won't stop!

By: spicynuts

spicynuts — Wed, 03 Dec 2008 09:06:34 -0800

character is insane, and in the end, the natives win. i disagree. I don't think the natives win. I think nature wins. Besides, we all know who really won in the real end. Also, it's Aguirre, not Aguille, right?

By: zippy

zippy — Wed, 03 Dec 2008 09:12:05 -0800

Dear Santa, I would like a movie with both Klaus Kinski and Gary Busey. Or just outtakes from such a movie. Thank you.

By: Artw

Artw — Wed, 03 Dec 2008 09:19:12 -0800

I'd like a Gary Busey/Jeff Conaway on-the-road buddy movie.

By: Marisa Stole the Precious Thing

Marisa Stole the Precious Thing — Wed, 03 Dec 2008 09:30:59 -0800

Wait wait wait. This is the father of that girl from Cat People? Oh, man. Now it all comes together.

By: bonaldi

bonaldi — Wed, 03 Dec 2008 10:58:42 -0800

Neon was an amazing magazine. I had a subscription, too. After four issues, it stopped coming and was replaced with Empire, ffs. I called up, and they said it had been killed to fund the launch of Heat. Jesus.

By: Artw

Artw — Wed, 03 Dec 2008 11:29:01 -0800

You would have got the last few issues where they were trying to be Empire anyway - ouch.

By: tkchrist

tkchrist — Wed, 03 Dec 2008 11:36:34 -0800

Herzog is what all film makers should want to be.

By: scody

scody — Wed, 03 Dec 2008 11:45:59 -0800

Once at a party, I half-drunkenly pitched a producer acquaintance my idea for a sitcom based on the hijinks of Kinski and Herzog. Hollywood, being a stupid town filled with baboons and cretins, failed to recognize my genius!

By: fearfulsymmetry

fearfulsymmetry — Wed, 03 Dec 2008 12:28:15 -0800

I like how Herzog stole a camera to make a movie. Stroszek is the single most depressing film I've ever seen though... I'm not surprised Ian Curtis strung himself up after watching it.

By: Mintyblonde

Mintyblonde — Wed, 03 Dec 2008 14:26:27 -0800

Neon was one of the best film magazines. I've always remembered the commentary in one issue praising Al Pacino's Oscar winning method acting portrayal of Robert De Niro in 'Heat' and them explaining that 'Eyes Wide Shut' was taking so long to complete because Kubrick insisted on wandering around the set every morning with a thermometer to ensure that every scene was shot at the same temperature.....

By: kittens for breakfast

kittens for breakfast — Wed, 03 Dec 2008 17:03:42 -0800

My internal monologue sounds distressingly like this.

By: chuckdarwin

chuckdarwin — Wed, 03 Dec 2008 17:13:02 -0800

Kinski should have hung out in Alaska with that other Herzog star, Timothy Treadwell. All the way until the bitter end.

By: Artw

Artw — Wed, 03 Dec 2008 23:43:09 -0800

Pff. Kinski could take a bear. Sexually, most likely.