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Nightmare Motel
December 3, 2008 9:05 AM   Subscribe

The Faubus Motel: Possibly the Worst Motel in America
posted by Secret Life of Gravy (152 comments total) 13 users marked this as a favorite

 
Or Huntsville's Finest...if you happen to be a non-smoking, non-drinking, non-fornicating Klu Kluxer.
posted by Secret Life of Gravy at 9:07 AM on December 3, 2008 [1 favorite]


Ah, the South. It's like they're losing the Civil War all over again. In fact, it sometimes seems like they have the Civil War going on a loop in their head and can't quite shake the memory.
posted by billysumday at 9:11 AM on December 3, 2008


Is there a 12 Step Program for ass-a-hole-ics?
posted by birdhaus at 9:15 AM on December 3, 2008


As a Jew, maybe I should be more sensitive to this kind of thing. But to be perfectly frank, as long as the sheets and the bathroom are clean, I really don't care whether the owners are nice people or not.
posted by Joe Beese at 9:15 AM on December 3, 2008 [3 favorites]


I want to go stay there and REALLY fuck him off.
posted by sweet mister at 9:16 AM on December 3, 2008


It's sad that the family for whom the motel is named has no ties to the place anymore, and has their reputation sullied by the current psychotic owner a result.
posted by AlbatrossJones at 9:16 AM on December 3, 2008 [1 favorite]


I would so love to leave an upper-decker in that place.
posted by M.C. Lo-Carb! at 9:17 AM on December 3, 2008 [4 favorites]


as long as the sheets and the bathroom are clean

Yeah, doesn't sound like they are, though, from that TripAdvisor page.
posted by game warden to the events rhino at 9:17 AM on December 3, 2008


Joe Beese, have you read the reviews in the Tripadvisor link? There's being racist, and then there's aggressive assholery to your guests. And it sounds like your "clean" requirements aren't even being met.
posted by BigLankyBastard at 9:18 AM on December 3, 2008


I'm sure that many people will jump in here to display their righteous hatred of the Confederate flag. And to give each other Internet Popularity Points.

But in a country of 300+ million people, there are worse motels than this. Guarantee it.
posted by jason's_planet at 9:18 AM on December 3, 2008 [1 favorite]


From the third link:
I decided to move to Huntsville and booked a room here to have a place to stay while I searched for property and a house. I checked in on Friday night, left the do not disturb sign on my door because I wanted no one in my room and turned on the A/C as it was stuffy and hot in the room. I went to my girlfriends home and stayed there for a while. When I got back to the motel, the sign was gone, the A/C was turned off and the owner had put a space heater in my room and left it going. The next morning I put the do not disturb sign out again, turned on the A/C and went to get the room for another night. In the office he commented on how late I was out the night before and asked me where I had been. Later that morning, my girlfriend met me at the motel and we went to view property together. We got back to the motel at about 5 pm that evening very tired and went in to talk over what we had seen that day. As we sat there, I leaned over and kissed her and then leaned in and kissed her again. Not two seconds later the phone rang and the owner said, " We will have none of that here" Those were his exact words. He then proceeded to tell me that my girlfriend needed to leave or he would call the cops and have her thrown out. His reason was that I had rented the room as a single person. I told him she would mot be spending the night and was only there briefly until we went to dinner. He insisted and I hung up on him. I then began searching the room for cameras or something that would explain why he called at the moment he did and why he made the statement he did. After I lifted about the third picture/mirror, the phone rang again. My girlfriend answered it and he asked her if this was 116. She answered that it was and he told her she needed to get in her car and leave immediately. She questioned him on it and he told her to leave or he would call the cops and have her thrown out. She hung up on him. About 10 minutes later a police officer knocked on my door and I invited him in and we explained everything to him. He agreed that the owner could not make her leave and said he would have a talk with him. The owner left us alone after that and about 30 minutes later, after putting the sign on the door again and turning on the A/C, we went to dinner. That night when I got back to my room, the sign was still there, but the A/C was off and the door left unlocked. I found this man to be extremely rude, and very nosy. He asked questions he had no right to ask, and entered my room even though he knew he was not wanted. How embarrassing it was to have to speak to the police and deal with that kind of mess because I chose to stop at my motel room to rest and clean up before we went to dinner.
posted by East Manitoba Regional Junior Kabaddi Champion '94 at 9:18 AM on December 3, 2008 [3 favorites]


I really don't care whether the owners are nice people or not.

Yeah, but I do care if they spy on me, calls the cops for having a guest, and enters my room without asking. Yes, that's based on reviews on TripAdvisor, but just sayin'.
posted by ALongDecember at 9:18 AM on December 3, 2008 [1 favorite]


I'm sure the sheets are plenty white. But you might want to check for cameras first. From one of the Tripadvisor reviews: 'As we sat [in our room], I leaned over and kissed her... Not two seconds later the phone rang and the owner said, " We will have none of that here" Those were his exact words. He then proceeded to tell me that my girlfriend needed to leave or he would call the cops and have her thrown out.'
posted by ardgedee at 9:19 AM on December 3, 2008 [1 favorite]


Hilarious! The thing about the girlfriend in the room was more than a little weird - to be honest, I am skeptical, but it's good for the lulz at least.
posted by Xoebe at 9:19 AM on December 3, 2008


But to be perfectly frank, as long as the sheets and the bathroom are clean, I really don't care whether the owners are nice people or not.

It's probably safe to say they keep their sheets purest lily white.
posted by ROU_Xenophobe at 9:19 AM on December 3, 2008 [8 favorites]


As a UKian who's head was filled with tales of superior US food & service, it didn't take many years of criss crossing country staying in various motels to put a few bullets through those.

Thankfully, the (volunteer!) camp wardens at various state parks in the West have made up for it.
posted by i_cola at 9:19 AM on December 3, 2008


(1) that's insane.
(2) this is a banner year for my competitive schadenfreude league.
(3) Who advertises with "yes, they really are non-smoking!"? Aren't most hotels in the US non smoking?
(4) This is terrible: javascript: if(confirm('http://www.billyhill.com/'))window.location='http://www.billyhill.com/'
posted by boo_radley at 9:20 AM on December 3, 2008


"This is probably the worst hotel in all of western Europe!"

"No, I won't have that! There's a place in Eastbourne..."

posted by Joe Beese at 9:20 AM on December 3, 2008 [3 favorites]


Here's a question for the peanut gallery. Today I was stopped behind a driver who had a series of counter-intuitive bumper stickers on his car. One FSM sticker, a "Religion Kills" sticker, a "Racist Prick!" sticker with a picture of Obama, two "Obama SUX!" stickers, and a Ron Paul REVOLUTION sticker. Just who exactly is this person? I sort of get the Ron Paul + anti-Obama stickers, but then the religion stickers throw me off. I thought Paul was pretty fundamentalist. Anyway, Obama is certainly bringing out the crazy.
posted by billysumday at 9:21 AM on December 3, 2008


Is it’s not referred to locally as “the crack motel” it probably isn’t in the running.
posted by Artw at 9:23 AM on December 3, 2008


Google has another review from "Rebecca":

He started to ask who else would be staying the night with me, explained to him that a cousin of mine and I would be staying the night...He then asked if my cousin was girl cousin, I said no, then he preceded to tell me that I needed two rooms instead of one room. I told him that I did not need two rooms, that I had asked for the price of ONE room with two beds in it.
posted by ALongDecember at 9:24 AM on December 3, 2008


About 10 minutes later a police officer knocked on my door and I invited him in and we explained everything to him. He agreed that the owner could not make her leave and said he would have a talk with him. The owner left us alone after that and about 30 minutes later, after putting the sign on the door again and turning on the A/C, we went to dinner.

Went to dinner? Is that a euphemism for "had that police officer put this guy under arrest immediately and then moved to a new motel"? Or is the implication here that the guy was OK with being spied on, just not having his GF ejected? And that there's no law against this??
posted by DU at 9:25 AM on December 3, 2008


The Clermont Hotel in Atlanta, home to the famous Clermont Lounge.

It's nothing like the one cited here... it's something... else.
posted by sadiehawkinstein at 9:26 AM on December 3, 2008 [4 favorites]


Heh. This is old-ish news here (couple of days) -- we've been enjoying fuming about this douchebag (there's also a Little Rock businessman who flew the flag outside his office upside-down and at half-staff from the day after the election until Vet's Day).

I really hope this post drives up his hosting costs for the month.
posted by middleclasstool at 9:27 AM on December 3, 2008


I thought Paul was pretty fundamentalist.

more like GOLDamentalist amirite?

I'd say your guy is an atheist libertarian. Not too uncommon, at least on the internets.
posted by DU at 9:27 AM on December 3, 2008 [2 favorites]


I'd say your guy is an uninformed atheist libertarian who doesn't know anything about Ron Paul other than the war and drug policy. Not too uncommon, at least on the internets.
posted by ALongDecember at 9:34 AM on December 3, 2008


Joe Beese, have you read the reviews in the Tripadvisor link?

I have now. Let's forget all about my earlier post, shall we?

But come on. Any of you would accept racism, dirty sheets, and camera surveillance rather than stay here.
posted by Joe Beese at 9:34 AM on December 3, 2008


I don't know..

you've got a guy flying the Confederate flag, and a couple of posts by people that didn't like the service there...

Sort of a weak scope of evidence for "worst motel"...
posted by HuronBob at 9:37 AM on December 3, 2008


Hmm. On the one hand, I have a suspicion that many hotels, say, along Michigan Ave. in Inkster, are significantly worse. On the other hand, I've never stayed at any of them to test my theory.

And nearly every shitty hotel experience I've had has more been due to the other guests than the management.
posted by klangklangston at 9:44 AM on December 3, 2008 [1 favorite]


The motel owner's statement to the media as to why he took down his American flag when Obama was elected, and raised the Confederate battle flag instead:
"On election night, we lowered Old Glory from our flag pole because we are no longer the land of the free and the home of the brave (except for our military). The sound principals [sic] for which Old Glory stood have been abandoned. We raised the rebel flag of the Old South in protest. Since political correctness forces people into a limited frame of reference, we wish to say this loud and clear, this was not about race. We resent having a Marxist in the White House no matter color he is.
And who can forget that famous civil war battle, where General George Picket led three Confederate platoons against two Bolshevik battalions on their way to Little Rock? Over 600 brave rebel soldiers laid down their lives as they fought Pyotr Nikolayevich's Red Infantry, but in the end, communism was defeated in the South once and for all.
If Mr. Obama had tried to enter the White House as an ordinary citizen, he would not qualify for a security clearance because of his past associations. We decided if Obama can refuse to properly salute the flag and his buddy, Bill Ayers, could stand on the American flag in a trash-filled alley, then we could take Old Glory down in honor and respect."
Because nothing says "respect for America" like raising the battle flag of a military insurgency that sought to separate a portion of America from the union, fought and killed other Americans, and culminated in the assassination of the president. These are some true patriots right here.
posted by Marisa Stole the Precious Thing at 9:46 AM on December 3, 2008 [58 favorites]


ROU_Xenophobe It's probably safe to say they keep their sheets purest lily white.

But unfortunately, they all have eye holes cut out of them.
posted by spacely_sprocket at 9:46 AM on December 3, 2008 [15 favorites]


He then asked if my cousin was girl cousin, I said no, then he preceded to tell me that I needed two rooms instead of one room.

Because sleeping with your girl cousin is just fine and dandy with the Fucktards of Madison County. But if you wanna do the nasty with your boy cousin, that'll be an extra sixty six of those fine pink dollars to you, sir.

Now squeal, city boy, squeal...
posted by PeterMcDermott at 9:51 AM on December 3, 2008 [3 favorites]


Because nothing says "respect for America" like raising the battle flag of a military insurgency that sought to separate a portion of America from the union, fought and killed other Americans, and culminated in the assassination of the president.

Exactly. I love it when Southern conservative clay-eaters question the patriotism of dem lib'rel Yankees. Uh, Einstein, it was your grandpappy that fought for the destruction of the United States of America.
posted by billysumday at 9:53 AM on December 3, 2008 [3 favorites]


Who advertises with "yes, they really are non-smoking!"? Aren't most hotels in the US non smoking?

I'd say that most independent motels in places like Arkansas (and likely my home state of Indiana) are very unwelcoming to non-smokers.

If I had a non-smoking room and saw a prospective guest smoking while inquiring about it, I'd refuse the room to him as well. Smokers also have no idea- no idea- how much their clothes (and persons) stink and how much this fucks up the "smoke free" aspect of a nonsmoking room. This is one reason why so many hotels don't allow smoking on balconies of nonsmoking rooms. Smokers just can't wrap their brains around the idea that their stench follows them around even if the put their cigs out five minutes ago.

The confederate flag thing is despicable, but if you're in Branson you'd better not get too irritated by seeing confederate flags. Calling shenanigans on the "hidden camera" report. You'd think there would be some corroboration for it somewhere, and there's not.

Seconding views there are absolutely far, far, far worse motels elsewhere.
posted by ethnomethodologist at 9:56 AM on December 3, 2008 [3 favorites]


Well, I mean, it is the Faubus hotel.
posted by aliceinreality at 9:58 AM on December 3, 2008


Oh, Lord, don't let 'em shoot us!
Oh, Lord, don't let 'em stab us!
Oh, Lord, don't let 'em tar and feather us!
Oh, Lord, no more swastikas!
Oh, Lord, no more Ku Klux Klan!
posted by Pollomacho at 10:04 AM on December 3, 2008


Asshole, etc.

I just want to point out that this nutjob and far-right nutjobs in general are not actually all that representative of people here in the South (though they exist, obviously). The problem is that they're much more visible than fair, level-headed southerners.
posted by cmoj at 10:07 AM on December 3, 2008 [2 favorites]


Smokers just can't wrap their brains around the idea that their stench follows them around even if the put their cigs out five minutes ago.

C'mon, quit generalizing. I smoke and I put some extra effort into washing my hands, spraying axe, brushing my teeth etc. afterwards.
posted by mannequito at 10:08 AM on December 3, 2008 [1 favorite]


Maybe the most a-holish hotel in America. But for the worst? I'm still sure that some places are worst (a la the sort Jimmy Swaggart brought hookers to on Airline Highway in nearby Metairie LA, places of the sort which Dave Barry suggested have beds that must cleaned via flamethrower), but here's an example of bad bad bad: The Canal St. Hotel in New Orleans.
posted by raysmj at 10:09 AM on December 3, 2008 [1 favorite]


Christ, what an asshole.

Or perhaps a flowery twat.
posted by dhartung at 10:09 AM on December 3, 2008


I put some extra effort into washing my hands, spraying axe, brushing my teeth...

changing your clothes, washing your hair, having the drapes cleaned, using a steam cleaner on the carpet, etc.
posted by DU at 10:12 AM on December 3, 2008 [1 favorite]


Given their obvious hatred of outsiders, I wonder why they run a hotel at all.
posted by hifiparasol at 10:26 AM on December 3, 2008 [1 favorite]


From the second link:

"We are angry with a biased, agenda-driven media. We are angry that for the past eight years President Bush and the Republican Party have been blamed by the Democrats and their cohorts in the media for the incomplete and irresponsible way that the group A.C.O.R.N. let down potential voters in the state of Florida in 2000."

*blinks*

I am trying so hard to parse this, but all I keep getting is a bunch of different talking point elements jammed haphazardly into one unwieldy paragraph. As they have clearly made no effort to provide a well reasoned or coherent argument, allow me to respond in kind;

lol wut
posted by quin at 10:28 AM on December 3, 2008 [2 favorites]


Given their obvious hatred of outsiders, I wonder why they run a hotel at all.

Again.
posted by Joe Beese at 10:28 AM on December 3, 2008


The owner is a character right out of a Raymond Carver short story.
posted by jleisek at 10:32 AM on December 3, 2008


I'd say 900+ police visits in five years is worth at least a nomination for worst hotel. (And even after that it took the city 2½ years to shut it down.)
posted by DevilsAdvocate at 10:34 AM on December 3, 2008 [1 favorite]


2½ years
posted by DevilsAdvocate at 10:36 AM on December 3, 2008


If I had a non-smoking room and saw a prospective guest smoking while inquiring about it, I'd refuse the room to him as well. Smokers also have no idea- no idea- how much their clothes (and persons) stink and how much this fucks up the "smoke free" aspect of a nonsmoking room.

Christ, you're an asshole.
posted by tiger yang at 10:36 AM on December 3, 2008 [12 favorites]


Meanwhile, more election-oriented flag follies here in my backyard.
posted by Thorzdad at 10:40 AM on December 3, 2008


Christ, you're an asshole.

How so? Truly. I'm a non-smoker and have had smoked-in "non-smoking" rooms foisted on me. It can be like trying to sleep in an ash tray. If I were a hotel owner that had non-smoking rooms, I'd sure as hell do everything I could to make sure those rooms remained smoke-free. And, yes, that stench does permeate your clothes and body and pretty-much fouls the surroundings.
posted by Thorzdad at 10:44 AM on December 3, 2008 [6 favorites]


Wow, Thorzdad, you too? We had one in my area as well.

Spoiler alert: It was an employee who did it, not the business owners, who promptly shitcanned said employee.
posted by Dr-Baa at 10:46 AM on December 3, 2008


But in a country of 300+ million people, there are worse motels than this. Guarantee it.

Guarantee met.
posted by carsonb at 10:47 AM on December 3, 2008 [1 favorite]


WHY do I keep seeing this a "Fabulus " (sic) hotel when there is obviously no fabulosity in sight?
I would love for a bunch of good-ole boy looking guys with boxes of seeming fishing and hunting gear to check in and then emerge from there rooms there in full-on fabulous drag.
posted by pointystick at 10:47 AM on December 3, 2008 [1 favorite]


I thought Paul was pretty fundamentalist.

You, sir, have some Googlin' to do!
posted by Greg Nog at 10:49 AM on December 3, 2008 [1 favorite]


I'm sure the sheets are plenty white.

Yeah, but what's with the eye holes in the pillow cases?
posted by Pollomacho at 10:50 AM on December 3, 2008


Ditto Thorzad. I've nearly given up trying to explain the concept of airflow to smokers, and I'm a few steps away from resorting to comic violence.

I once stayed at a Super 8 in Chesterton, Indiana (right outside of Gary, which is the closest thing you'll find in real life to evil 1985 from Back to the Future Part II). The walls behind the front counter were covered in posters of the "Don't Mess With the U.S." variety, with fighter jets flying past the Statue of Liberty with an eagle superimposed in the background and whatnot. We asked for a non-smoking room, then got a room that smelled like smoke and had an ashtray and a pack of Super 8 matches on the counter. When we complained, we were told that it was in fact a non-smoking room, and that Indiana law states that all rooms must be equipped with ashtrays. I called the Super 8 customer service hotline and complained again, got my money back, then got an angry call from the proprietor of the Chesterton hotel reasserting the ashtray law.

Anyone know if this is true?
posted by hifiparasol at 10:55 AM on December 3, 2008


This is the worst? Has anyone ever HEARD of the Broken Arms Hotel?
posted by AlbatrossJones at 10:55 AM on December 3, 2008 [1 favorite]


How so?

I'm guessing he means the loaded language about stinking and how you'll fuck up the room even if you don't smoke inside of it.
posted by rollbiz at 11:00 AM on December 3, 2008


Holy crap, the Canal St. Hotel? I stayed there in 1999 and it was the worst place I have ever stayed (on three continents). I can't believe it's still around.

(On my most recent stay the W was fabulous.)
posted by JoanArkham at 11:02 AM on December 3, 2008


WHY do I keep seeing this a "Fabulus " (sic) hotel when there is obviously no fabulosity in sight?

fab·u·lous [fab-yuh-luhs] –adjective
1. almost impossible to believe; incredible.
2. Informal. exceptionally good or unusual; marvelous; superb: a fabulous bargain; a fabulous new house.
3. told about in fables; purely imaginary: the fabulous exploits of Hercules.
4. known about only through myths or legends.
posted by Pollomacho at 11:08 AM on December 3, 2008 [1 favorite]


I find it very interesting that people opposed to Obama's presidency are flying their flags upside-down. I say this because I distinctly recall people flying flags upside-down shortly after September 11, 2001-- a time when even the most liberal among us would agree that the country was in distress and in need of aid-- and objections came from the right wing that flying the flag upside-down was disrespectful and unpatriotic. Here's an old news article touching on that point.
posted by Faint of Butt at 11:09 AM on December 3, 2008


Christ, you're an asshole.

cause it's everyone's responsibility to put up with an addict's negative behavior, amirite?
posted by pyramid termite at 11:13 AM on December 3, 2008 [5 favorites]


When we complained, we were told that it was in fact a non-smoking room, and that Indiana law states that all rooms must be equipped with ashtrays.

Anyone know if this is true?


If it is, there are a lot of big-chain hotels in Indiana breaking that law. Which I very much doubt.

In fact, many city smoking bans in Indiana require that there be no ashtrays in non-smoking areas, including those of Indianapolis, Carmel, and Shelbyville. Although I suppose to demonstrate with certainty that it is untrue, we'd need to know when it was you were staying there and search the Indiana Code as it stood at that time.
posted by DevilsAdvocate at 11:13 AM on December 3, 2008


I too am an asshole when it comes to dealing with smokers. But, I don't stop there, oh no! What about the people who insist on shitting in motel room bathrooms?

I'd say that most independent motels in places like Arkansas (and likely my home state of Indiana) are very unwelcoming to non-shitters.

If I had a non-shitting room and saw a prospective guest farting while inquiring about it, I'd refuse the room to him as well. Shitters also have no idea- no idea- how much their clothes (and persons) stink and how much this fucks up the "fecal free" aspect of a nonshitting room. This is one reason why so many hotels don't allow farting on balconies of nonshitting rooms. Shitters just can't wrap their brains around the idea that their stench follows them around even if the flushed their load out five minutes ago.

I once stayed at a Super 8 in Chesterton, Indiana (right outside of Gary, which is the closest thing you'll find in real life to evil 1985 from Back to the Future Part II). The walls behind the front counter were covered in posters of the "Don't Mess With the U.S." variety, with fighter jets flying past the Statue of Liberty with an eagle superimposed in the background and whatnot. We asked for a non-shitting room, then got a room that smelled like farts and had toilet paper and a pack of Super 8 matches on the counter. When we complained, we were told that it was in fact a non-shitting room, and that Indiana law states that all rooms must be equipped with toilet paper. I called the Super 8 customer service hotline and complained again, got my money back, then got an angry call from the proprietor of the Chesterton hotel reasserting the toilet paper law.
posted by Brocktoon at 11:17 AM on December 3, 2008 [1 favorite]


The problem is that they're much more visible than fair, level-headed southerners.

Why are they?
posted by Kirth Gerson at 11:19 AM on December 3, 2008


I think this is the point in the thread where Bill Hicks' eyes roll into the back of his head and starts making that snorting noise into the microphone.
posted by Dr-Baa at 11:20 AM on December 3, 2008 [3 favorites]


What about the people who insist on shitting in motel room bathrooms?

they should go online and do it here
posted by pyramid termite at 11:20 AM on December 3, 2008 [2 favorites]


I mean, why are they more visible than their Northern counterparts?
posted by Kirth Gerson at 11:21 AM on December 3, 2008


What about the people who insist on shitting in motel room bathrooms?

This is the stupidest thing I've ever read on MetaFilter.
posted by EarBucket at 11:22 AM on December 3, 2008 [15 favorites]


Brocktoon, I love that the matches from my story still fit in your story.

DevilsAdvocate, thanks.
posted by hifiparasol at 11:22 AM on December 3, 2008


hifiparasol: according to an appeal of Hall Drive-Ins vs. Fort Wayne, Indiana law requires "removal of all 'ashtrays and other Smoking paraphernalia' from any area where smoking is prohibited." Had there been some food crumbs under the bed, an ice bucket near the dresser, or a flask of booze in the proprietor's desk drawer, I'm sure the guy would've insisted his place was would count as a restaurant or bar.
posted by Smart Dalek at 11:27 AM on December 3, 2008


C'mon, quit generalizing. I smoke and I put some extra effort into washing my hands, spraying axe, brushing my teeth etc. afterwards.

Axe users also have no idea- no idea- how much their clothes (and persons) stink.
posted by Astro Zombie at 11:28 AM on December 3, 2008 [21 favorites]


The best thing about threads like this is when people get into one-upping. "No, this is the worst hotel ever." That's when a thread gets fun. That article about the Clermont was pure gold.
posted by seagull.apollo at 11:34 AM on December 3, 2008


First visit to the US this summer for me. I stayed with friends (near Manchester, VT) so didn't need to do this but, being a non-driver, I walked to the local motel just so I could say I'd stayed in an American motel. The owner asked if I smoked. My response was "Cool, you have smoking rooms? I wasn't expecting that."

His response was along the lines of "No. Take this old paint can with a hole in the top. Walk down the length of the building counting doors, and then walk up the other side of the building counting doors again. When you've reached your room put the can on the floor. Do not carry the can though the room. Do not stand outside the room smoking. When you want to smoke carry the can to the property line and smoke there. If we smell smoke in your room we'll redecorate and charge it to your card. If any of your butts end up on the grounds we'll redecorate your room and charge it to your card."

So that was cool, it added to the experience for me. I did put complimentary skittles under the mattress though. I figured the prissy little fsckers that can smell people's clothes from the day before would need to suffer somehow.
posted by vbfg at 11:36 AM on December 3, 2008 [1 favorite]


Screw the mints on the pillow -- I won't stay at a hotel that doesn't have a dead hooker under every bed.
posted by Astro Zombie at 11:36 AM on December 3, 2008


#1 Hotel in Huntsville, according to TripAdvisor!*

* #1 of 1.
posted by Kabanos at 11:37 AM on December 3, 2008


Oh, this reminds me-- a crewmate of mine shared his technique for avoiding horrible motels when planning a trip. It's quite simple and brilliant, and maybe it's common knowledge among frequent travelers, but it was new to me. All you do is call up the motel beforehand and ask for the hourly rate. If they can quote you one, it's probably no place you want to stay.
posted by Faint of Butt at 11:37 AM on December 3, 2008 [2 favorites]


Screw the mints on the pillow -- I won't stay at a hotel that doesn't have a dead hooker under every bed.

Are we talking before or after you leave?
posted by inigo2 at 11:41 AM on December 3, 2008


I'm easy.
posted by Astro Zombie at 11:43 AM on December 3, 2008


Also, I couldn't help but despise the writer of this article. Something about the way that he talked about the place made me want to remind him that people live there, and that he should maybe shut the fuck up.
posted by seagull.apollo at 11:46 AM on December 3, 2008 [1 favorite]


"We are angry with a biased, agenda-driven media. We are angry that for the past eight years President Bush and the Republican Party have been blamed by the Democrats and their cohorts in the media for the incomplete and irresponsible way that the group A.C.O.R.N. let down potential voters in the state of Florida in 2000."

*blinks*

I am trying so hard to parse this, but all I keep getting is a bunch of different talking point elements jammed haphazardly into one unwieldy paragraph.


Y'know, this isn't the first time I've heard this argument jammed into a talking-points blathering; it seems to be picking up steam as a favorite scapegoat of this last election. My slightly-crazy arch-conservative father, for instance, is still convinced that 20% of the bailout money apportioned by Congress is earmarked for ACORN, and that they used it to buy the election; my brief protests about orders-of-magnitude in funding didn't seem to have much effect on this conviction. Is this a conscious movement by the crazy-right? Maybe a regular Limbaugh tirade? Because I would honest-to-god be overjoyed if I started having to regularly argue that an organization who set out to enfranchise the poor is not actually a harbinger of socialism, and that minorities voting in national elections should perhaps not be opposed.
posted by Mayor West at 11:47 AM on December 3, 2008


Hmm. Maybe I should drop by for a look (I go to school at uofa). The NWA area is kinda sad because while you have this little hotbed of liberalism and free thinking (well, as far as arkansas goes), you realize that about ten miles outside of the campus, it goes right back to Ozark farmland. Take a look at an election results map, and there will be a little blue spot right over Washington Co in a sea of red. Well, considering the other towns in WashCo, more of a purple I guess. But you get the idea.

There was a gun store in Springdale (another NWA town) with silly things posted on their sign like "we don't want a hussein" or something like that.

Here's a link to an article from our student newspaper that features a photo of said store.
posted by rubah at 11:49 AM on December 3, 2008 [1 favorite]


(3) Who advertises with "yes, they really are non-smoking!"? Aren't most hotels in the US non smoking?

After four or five recent experiences where an ostensibly "non-smoking" room had *obviously* been recently smoked in, I'm pretty down on whether or not that phrase means anything.

That said, I'd stay in a smoked-in room before I'd stay anywhere where the proprietor was so screwed up in the head he'd enter the room and turn of the air conditioner during any time of my stay.
posted by weston at 11:51 AM on December 3, 2008


The owners musta been huffing from nearby Turpentine Creek.
posted by spamguy at 12:02 PM on December 3, 2008


Mayor West: My uncle just sent me an email newsletter comparing Obama to Hitler, complete with "Yes We Can" Hitler poster, and a picture of the White House with the phrase "Normal doesn't live here anymore" macro'd on. This is the man that quit the Chair of the Republican Party of Missouri because he opposed the war. My head is spinning.
posted by gc at 12:02 PM on December 3, 2008


cause it's everyone's responsibility to put up with an addict's negative behavior, amirite?

Ethnomethodologist's anti-smoking screed didn't simply address the notion of a non-smoker being forced to occupy a smoked-in room, but rather, attempted to correlate such instances with a non-smoked-in room simply being occupied by a smoker days before. Give me a fucking break.

Some people in this world just stink. Them's the breaks, tough titties. No one's hurting you because their clothes smell of smoke, and if you're going to be that much of a nazi about it (there, I said it; I'll take the loss) then I'd suggest applying this psychosis in instances where at least your personal health would marginally benefit, such as wearing gloves when turning doorknobs or washing off the tops soda cans before touching them with your mouth.
posted by tiger yang at 12:06 PM on December 3, 2008 [4 favorites]


Rubah -

Just in case you don't know, there's a pretty swell bastion of liberalism in North-Northwest AR in Eureka Springs, and you can stay in the lovely (if not modern) Crescent Moon.
posted by Bookhouse at 12:11 PM on December 3, 2008


Uh, Einstein, it was your grandpappy that fought for the destruction of the United States of America.

Technically, they just wanted to move outta the house, not destroy it. We could have kept the house and called it whatever we wanted.
posted by Brandon Blatcher at 12:14 PM on December 3, 2008


vbfg: So, I guess they wanted you to have sex with the paint can?
posted by Saxon Kane at 12:16 PM on December 3, 2008


Technically, they just wanted to move outta the house, not destroy it.

Not sure about this analogy. They didn't just want to move out; they wanted to move out and take the living room and two bedrooms with them. Oh, and human chattel slavery would be permitted in all three rooms.
posted by hifiparasol at 12:20 PM on December 3, 2008 [3 favorites]


The worst motels in the entire universe used be found in the mid 90s during the peak of the meth epidemic in a two mile radius around Disneyland in Anaheim, California. Since the Disneyland Resort "clean up" of the surrounding area, this may no longer be true. If so, Las Vegas probably has some of the worst motels in the universe.

Unless your motel has severe chemical burns in the tub or has been visited multiple times by HazMat, the Fire Department, a SWAT team and Child Protective Services in the same day it's not even in the running. If your motel has actually had multiple meth lab fires or explosions in a week it might be in the running.

I wish I had pictures of some of this stuff, but I'll try to describe one of the worst motel rooms I've ever seen:

I was there to hang out with some derelicts I knew from a local Denny's who wanted to go party. Someone the group knew apparently already had a room there for these purposes.

We arrive at the motel in two cars. The decor of the motel is some kind of fucked up 70s faux-pirate-Spanish-Moor theme, with the cheesy wrought iron and smoky glass everywhere. There were few working lights on the exterior of the building. The parking lot was pitch black.

The room itself followed this theme of decay. The carpeting was a genuine 70s vintage avocado shag. To say it had seen better days would be a lie, but it certainly was a lot worse off than when it was first installed. The shag was mostly matted to the point it would make more sense to sweep the floor than vacuum it. Actually, considering the amount of debris a rake might be a better choice.

The bed was less of a bed and more of a place to sit while the guest got fucked up on the chemicals of their choice. There were no sheets or blankets on the bed. There was a bedspread in some hideous 70s earthtone print in a synthetic velveteen with smoke-stained orange tassels all around. If you made the mistake of lifting the bedspread you'd find a very stained mattress so worn out it hammocked in the middle and every spring was outlined through the mattress top. The alarming stains on the mattress seemed to indicate an assortment of bodily fluids including blood and possibly feces. Both the bedspread and the mattress featured about a dozen cigarette burns. The nightstand was severely pockmarked with more burns.

Thanks to the black mold infestation the bathroom was more black and gray than white. Not only was there no shower curtain, but there wasn't even a shower head. The toilet was missing the tank lid. One of the sinks in the sink/vanity area was missing and there was no hot water at all. Besides, the hot water tap was missing entirely. It looked like parts of the counter itself had been broken off with a hammer, or perhaps had chunks bitten into it by someone with very strong teeth.

The lights in the middle of the ceiling and on the wall had no lampshades. The air conditioner had been replaced with a sheet of plywood. If this particular room hadn't been so heavily occupied, you would have undoubtedly seen many large cockroaches of the sort seen on the walls outside.

The residents of the room were mostly busy smoking various illegal things while passing around a handle of Jack Daniels. At some point during the evening the cops came twice to other rooms to break up fights. After each time the night manager of the motel popped in to helpfully announce "They're gone!" before partaking in smoking some meth and drinking some whiskey. Considering how severely torqued he was, I imagine he went from room to room doing the same thing.

This obviously wasn't a motel suitable for sleeping and resting.

Meanwhile, if you bothered to raise the cobwebbed curtain and peer out the smudged window you could not only see parts of "The Happiest Place on Earth" but you could watch the streams of tourist families towing sticky, exhausted kids back to other, nicer motels.

And it was exactly this juxtaposition that made these motels so hideous. There may be seedier, more disgusting motel rooms in the world - but they don't have this severe contrast to make them extra depressing.


I would go on but suddenly I feel the overwhelming urge to take a long shower and scrub myself raw with a pumice stone and some industrial orange handcleaner.
posted by loquacious at 12:25 PM on December 3, 2008 [30 favorites]


If my brother had decided to take control of his bedroom and have human slaves in there, my father would have beaten the shit out of him.

And, yes, my father was Abraham Lincoln.
posted by Astro Zombie at 12:27 PM on December 3, 2008 [2 favorites]


Some people in this world just stink. Them's the breaks, tough titties. No one's hurting you because their clothes smell of smoke, and if you're going to be that much of a nazi about it (there, I said it; I'll take the loss) then I'd suggest applying this psychosis in instances where at least your personal health would marginally benefit, such as wearing gloves when turning doorknobs or washing off the tops soda cans before touching them with your mouth.

Oh please, save the drama for Osama. You're more than welcome to huff carcinogens to your heart's content and stink up your own house. In a room that you rent from a business owner, that business owner has every right to either a) accomodate your addiction with a certain set of rooms, b) argue that the extra cost incurred in cleaning/deodorizing a room after a smoker isn't worth it, and suggest you smoke outdoors or c) not rent to you at all. Them's the breaks, indeed. I'm sick to death of the victim wail from people who insist that the rest of the world has to tolerate the poisons they spew into the air and the stink thereof.
posted by Marisa Stole the Precious Thing at 12:30 PM on December 3, 2008 [6 favorites]


Marisa, don't bother. I think the tobacco companies are putting something in cigarettes that disengages the logic center of the brain.
posted by hifiparasol at 12:32 PM on December 3, 2008


On stinky smokers:

My mother stayed with my wife and I for the Thanksgiving holiday. She smokes and we don't, so she was respectful enough to only smoke outside of the apartment(also, she took the dogs out with her every time: bonus!). She was telling me how much she'd like to quit, and said that getting rid of the smoke smell was almost as enticing as the health and financial benefits. Although she doesn't notice it most of the time, when she visits some place where she can't smoke, she said that just opening her suitcase nearly chokes her in contrast to the non-smoked-out-air in the room.

Sure, it's totally anecdotal, but there's at least one smoker out there who thinks all you smokers stink. Stick that in your pipe and... erm... nevermind.
posted by owtytrof at 12:32 PM on December 3, 2008


tiger yang ....Some people in this world just stink....

As a traveler, I would add that I am typically more concerned with the bedspread than with the idea that the previous occupant smoked on the balcony.
posted by spacely_sprocket at 12:39 PM on December 3, 2008


EarBucket: wait around five minutes.
posted by Brocktoon at 12:41 PM on December 3, 2008


Sure, it's totally anecdotal, but there's at least one smoker out there who thinks all you smokers stink.

She's a lot more aware of it than I was, when I smoked. Yes, I went outside when it was clear smoking wasn't welcome. I didn't smoke in restaurants, either (most smoking sections that I recall were separated from non-smoking sections by little more than an aisle), or in mall entraceways, went through a lot of Binaca and so on. But I was totally clueless about how my clothes and hair smelled. Dating someone who didn't smoke and never had was eye-opening.
posted by Marisa Stole the Precious Thing at 12:42 PM on December 3, 2008


Anybody else here in the habit of checking into a hotel room and immediately removing the bedspread with a hand wrapped in shower cap, and stuffing it out of site under the bed, and then writing a note to the maid to please remove it for the duration of the stay?

Just me?

OK.
posted by stupidsexyFlanders at 12:44 PM on December 3, 2008


There are plenty of contenders for Worst Motel. Here's another.
posted by kozad at 12:45 PM on December 3, 2008


My nominees for Worst Motels:

The LessPay in Lafayette Louisiana. Beyond scary.

The Carter in NYC. This place is almost charming in it's grimey-ness. THE place if you're nostalgic for Times Square of the 1970's.
posted by dog food sugar at 12:49 PM on December 3, 2008


I think the tobacco companies are putting something in cigarettes that disengages the logic center of the brain.

Why, because I fail to see how someone who smells of smoke can somehow be the imposing equivalent to someone who forces their carcinogens onto others? We all have to tolerate people who smell worse than us; it's a reality that I, much like everyone else, has to encounter every day. Should I ask MTA employees to remove hundreds upon hundreds of offensive-smelling patrons during my subway ride to work each morning? I know, uh, about a few million NYC cab drivers who wear particularly copious amounts of cologne, and riding in these malodorous vehicles, while admittedly annoying, takes some getting used to. The lesson here: life ain't always roses.
posted by tiger yang at 12:52 PM on December 3, 2008


Monologue from my friend Nick Zagone's play ETA: Phoenix:
The first thing you want to do when you enter your room whether you're in the Hilton or Motel 6 is to take the bedspread off the bed and throw it in the corner as soon as possible. Immediately. Hotels and Motels will wash the sheets of course, and occasionally the blankets, but rarely, if ever will they wash the bedspread. The last thing you want at night next to your face is something that has been intimate with millions of other people's stinky feet and genitalia. That thing has been farted on, fucked on, and was probably used to wipe up spillage of one kind or another be it baby barf or some sweaty truck driver's Pabst Blue Ribbon. Or probably both.
You're not alone, SSF.
posted by Skot at 12:53 PM on December 3, 2008


Dude there's no way to beat the Scottish Inn. There's just no way.
posted by Potomac Avenue at 12:56 PM on December 3, 2008


Maybe not the worst, but I nominate Newton's Motel, just north of Fredericksburg, Virginia. I have never stayed there, though I think I may have delivered some pizzas to the place while I was working for Domino's in my college days. In any case, Newton's claim to fame is that they have no sewer hookup - at all. The sewer line for the establishment is simply a pipe that leads off into the woods. On busy days the sewage would overflow and run out across U.S. 1.
posted by smoothvirus at 12:58 PM on December 3, 2008 [1 favorite]


We all have to tolerate people who smell worse than us; it's a reality that I, much like everyone else, has to encounter every day.

And some people choose to make themselves smell bad.

Should I ask MTA employees to remove hundreds upon hundreds of offensive-smelling patrons during my subway ride to work each morning? I know, uh, about a few million NYC cab drivers who wear particularly copious amounts of cologne, and riding in these malodorous vehicles, while admittedly annoying, takes some getting used to.

And this somehow means you have the divine right to rent any hotel/motel room you please, how?
posted by Marisa Stole the Precious Thing at 1:04 PM on December 3, 2008 [1 favorite]


As a born-again non smoker, I completely see the smell angle, but I call B.S. on the carcinogenics one.

No time to find the links here, but when you smell that someone smoked in a room 24 hours before, you are not inhaling the evilest substances in cigarette smoke, you are inhaling mostly lightweight molecules that are harmless (if stinky).

Compare that to the fumes you inhale while standing on the sidewalk by a busy street, or from the cars running in the motels parking lot. Then go and find the material safety data sheets for all of those nice industrial cleaners their use to clean your motel room.

Back when I was a smoker, a neighbor complained about my second hand smoke, he was a rational man, an engineer, and he quoted me the SCIENCE. I very calmly made a diagram explaining gas diffusion, the concentration of a gas and suspended particulates as a function of distance to the source, etc... Then applied the diagram to my cigarettes, his car warming up in the morning and the pesticides he used in his garden. It was fun, and we became friends.
posted by dirty lies at 1:07 PM on December 3, 2008 [6 favorites]


And this somehow means you have the divine right to rent any hotel/motel room you please, how?

Now these are divine rights? My aforementioned argument is relatively simple: I believe that a smoker who is not presently in the act of smoking in the presence of others has the right to sit, stand, walk, lay, rest, cuddle or otherwise take up space wherever he/she pleases, and if you think otherwise you are clearly, absolutely fucking insane.
posted by tiger yang at 1:14 PM on December 3, 2008 [1 favorite]


I usually just go ahead and smoke in whatever room I feel like whether it's non-smoking or not but this may be why I rarely get invited back as a houseguest. It's all about choices.
posted by Potomac Avenue at 1:17 PM on December 3, 2008


I believe that a smoker who is not presently in the act of smoking in the presence of others has the right to sit, stand, walk, lay, rest, cuddle or otherwise take up space wherever he/she pleases, and if you think otherwise you are clearly, absolutely fucking insane.

And if you believe that, as a business owner, you must meet the demand of a smoker to rent a room, that denying them a room is the same as complaining about the collective BO of people on a public bus, well ...
posted by Marisa Stole the Precious Thing at 1:18 PM on December 3, 2008


As would-be hotel proprietor hopeful (among other things) I am ecstatic to announce this post was my muse in constructing the "no renting to cologne users" clause.
posted by tiger yang at 1:18 PM on December 3, 2008 [2 favorites]


As a hotel proprietor, it would be entirely within your rights not to rent a room to a foul-smelling person, seeing as how you're the one who has to clean up after them. An inflated sense of entitlement doesn't change that.
posted by Marisa Stole the Precious Thing at 1:22 PM on December 3, 2008


Why, because I fail to see how someone who smells of smoke can somehow be the imposing equivalent to someone who forces their carcinogens onto others?

Well, no. But it sure doesn't help your case that, during a discussion of the attempts business owners make to curtail the negative impact smokers make on their establishments, your immediate and defensive response is the typical smokers' "get over it" screed. We've heard it all before.

Yes, people stink. Some people have B.O. problems; some people had broccoli for lunch. Body odor is a natural facet of being human; so are farts. Biologically speaking, people have to sweat, and they have to eat. People choose to smoke, even though they don't have to, and generate terrible smells and noxious clouds of stinky, lung-irritating toxins, even though they don't have to.

You can't tell people not to sweat. Nor can you tell their gastrointestinal tracts to process food more efficiently. You can, however, tell people not to smoke, and you can tell people that if they're going to choose to stink, they're going to have to be subject to a different set of rules.
posted by hifiparasol at 1:24 PM on December 3, 2008


loquacious : Thanks to the black mold infestation the bathroom was more black and gray than white. Not only was there no shower curtain, but there wasn't even a shower head. The toilet was missing the tank lid. One of the sinks in the sink/vanity area was missing and there was no hot water at all. Besides, the hot water tap was missing entirely. It looked like parts of the counter itself had been broken off with a hammer, or perhaps had chunks bitten into it by someone with very strong teeth.

I'm pretty sure I just played this level in Fallout 3 last night.

Seriously, how fucked up is it that your description of a place people willingly socialized could so easily be used to describe a rendition of a post-apocalyptic hellscape?
posted by quin at 1:25 PM on December 3, 2008


Saxon Kane: So, I guess they wanted you to have sex with the paint can?

Not sure. I met a guy from OH at the Bennington monument and, despite not seeing it, I feel pretty sure his cock would have fit the small hole cut in the top of the can. Until I met him I hadn't previously been aware I could have been speaking German now.
posted by vbfg at 1:29 PM on December 3, 2008


I am ecstatic to announce this post was my muse in constructing the "no renting to cologne users" clause.

You are entirely within your rights to do so, at least in the US. For that matter, I'd pay extra to stay in such a hotel.

People are sometimes under the misimpression that discrimination is illegal in the US. This is not the case: in fact, only discrimination based on one of a very few, explicitly specified factors is illegal. States or localities sometimes add a few more factors to the ones defined in federal law. But if the attribute you're discriminating on is not one of the explicitly prohibited ones, it's legal. I'm entirely within my rights to bar smokers, or non-smokers, or cologne-wearers, or people who wear glasses, or people who drive Fords from my hotel. Whether it makes good business sense to do so is a separate question, but the excluded party doesn't get in just because he thinks my rule is unfair—even if the rule is unfair.
posted by DevilsAdvocate at 1:34 PM on December 3, 2008 [1 favorite]


As a hotel proprietor, it would be entirely within your rights not to rent a room to a foul-smelling person, seeing as how you're the one who has to clean up after them. An inflated sense of entitlement doesn't change that.

Nor does it change your equally inflated supposition that others should have to alter the habits they partake in remotely simply to please your pretty-princess olfactory senses.

Instead, I suggest turning your attention to our cities’ woefully outdated sewer systems, horror stories in sanitation regulation in many cities’ kitchen and public restrooms, and the current swell of toxins in our public waterways as just a few of the foul-smelling occurrences that may actually have an impact on your health.

I know, it doesn’t carry the same affected je ne sais quoi as, say, flailing your hands wilding in the air as someone smokes a half-block away, whilst walking over billowing sewer grates moments later without batting an eye, but dare I say these causes you might find more efficacious.
posted by tiger yang at 1:56 PM on December 3, 2008 [2 favorites]


Nor does it change your equally inflated supposition that others should have to alter the habits they partake in remotely simply to please your pretty-princess olfactory senses.

Smoke all you like; just don't expect every door flung upon wide to greet you. Especially in private businesses.

Instead, I suggest turning your attention to our cities’ woefully outdated sewer systems, horror stories in sanitation regulation in many cities’ kitchen and public restrooms, and the current swell of toxins in our public waterways as just a few of the foul-smelling occurrences that may actually have an impact on your health.

Right, because these are mutually exclusive.
posted by Marisa Stole the Precious Thing at 1:58 PM on December 3, 2008 [1 favorite]


Because sleeping with your girl cousin is just fine and dandy with the Fucktards of Madison County. But if you wanna do the nasty with your boy cousin, that'll be an extra sixty six of those fine pink dollars to you, sir.

Unless you're married to him. Which is just fine and dandy with inbred folks like this. And it explains a lot about them too.

As a former road musician, I can tell you there are far worse places than most of us even imagine exist, and I've stayed in too many of them. The kind of place where you light a smoke upon entering your room just to cover up the smell of death.
posted by fourcheesemac at 2:12 PM on December 3, 2008 [1 favorite]


Smoking is to this thread as vegetarianism is to the Bartender thread.
posted by Astro Zombie at 2:17 PM on December 3, 2008 [6 favorites]


Instead, I suggest turning your attention to our cities’ woefully outdated sewer systems, horror stories in sanitation regulation in many cities’ kitchen and public restrooms, and the current swell of toxins in our public waterways as just a few of the foul-smelling occurrences that may actually have an impact on your health.

I know, it doesn’t carry the same affected je ne sais quoi as, say, flailing your hands wilding in the air as someone smokes a half-block away, whilst walking over billowing sewer grates moments later without batting an eye, but dare I say these causes you might find more efficacious.


Jesus Christ, will you just get the fuck over yourself? We get it. Smokers are nowhere near as bad as industrial polluters or lousy emissions standards. And people who don't like smoking are just a bunch of politically correct sourpusses who want to control everyone's choices. Next thing you know we'll be replacing all your french fries with carrot sticks and making everyone wear helmets all the time.

Here's the thing: We've heard all this shit before. Every time smoking comes up on one of these threads, some libertarian clown hauls out these stupid, junior-high-level arguments in favor of letting smokers do whatever they please, and every time, it sounds just as fucking stupid as the last twenty times we heard it. Either find a better argument in favor of smoking, or head on back to the Reason boards or Digg or wherever it is you guys masturbate each other.
posted by hifiparasol at 2:20 PM on December 3, 2008 [2 favorites]


"As would-be hotel proprietor hopeful (among other things) I am ecstatic to announce this post was my muse in constructing the "no renting to cologne users" clause."

Man, I'd love to stay there, as someone who pretty regularly gets wanger headaches from being around artificial scents.

Smoking is to this thread as vegetarianism is to the Bartender thread.

Really? Oh, jeez, whups. I'm tryin' to learn my lesson.

"Either find a better argument in favor of smoking, or head on back to the Reason boards or Digg or wherever it is you guys masturbate each other.

Doesn't being a libertarian mean that you only masturbate yourself, though you recognize the rights of others to do it wherever they please?
posted by klangklangston at 2:25 PM on December 3, 2008 [1 favorite]


The absolute worst motel is this one. And believe me, the sheets are clean!
posted by birdhaus at 2:27 PM on December 3, 2008


Seconding the mention of Hotel Carter in NYC. See also: TripAdvisor's traveler photos (NOT MIND SAFE).
posted by rmannion at 3:06 PM on December 3, 2008


Tiger Yang, if you think that hotel managers keep non-smoking rooms out of some bizarre clean air superstition, or deny smokers entry to those rooms because they smell faintly of smoke, you are the crazy one. The motive is profit, and there are a whole class of people out there who won't stay in a hotel room that has been smoked in — not because they are bothered by 'stink', but because their eyes water and redden, or their asthma or COPD worsens, their airways inflame to the point where they snore and/or get no restful sleep. At that point they come to the hotel manager and ask quite rightly for their money back. Myself, I cannot tell the difference between a room that has a faint smell of smoke but won't make my eyes red and watery and a room that will unless I've actually slept in it (or it's so bad it affects me within the hour). So the smell alone is the only clue I've got that I shouldn't stay in that room.

For the record, I do hang out with smokers, and lived with one for 5 years. She smoked outside (mostly).

And if you'd argue the point that there exist people who smoke, but can exercise the self-control to not smoke while they are staying in a non-smoking room, I'd agree with you, but what is ruining it for those people is not hotel management or overly fussy guests, but the smokers who lack that self control.
posted by BrotherCaine at 3:36 PM on December 3, 2008 [1 favorite]


"We're located just north of the Pig Trail in Huntsville"
posted by bardic at 4:24 PM on December 3, 2008


Ethnomethodologist's anti-smoking screed didn't simply address the notion of a non-smoker being forced to occupy a smoked-in room, but rather, attempted to correlate such instances with a non-smoked-in room simply being occupied by a smoker days before. Give me a fucking break.

Willful ignorance is an ugly thing. So is putting words in my mouth, moron.
posted by ethnomethodologist at 4:26 PM on December 3, 2008


Ooh, rmannion -- I like finding out all the world's different words for bedbugs. Kewl!
posted by Michael Roberts at 4:45 PM on December 3, 2008


I stayed in a place in Wakefield (near Leeds) that was almost this bad.
posted by chuckdarwin at 4:56 PM on December 3, 2008


I'm just adding mine on the pile of "smokers have no idea how terrible they smell, and yes the smell does linger in non-smoking hotel rooms." I've gotten terrible headaches from cigarette smells in non-smoking hotel rooms, and the homes of smokers, even when they only smoke outside and are otherwise clean people, smell that same way. So does their hair, no matter where they smoke.

So while the rest of the stuff the hotel did is pretty crazy, I absolutely do not blame them for refusing to give that couple a non-smoking room. When my father was alive, he in particular was very sensitive to the smell of cigarette smoke and would become ill for days afterward with sinus problems and headaches, sometimes vomiting if he had to be around it long. I have to be around it much longer than he did to get the sinus problems since he had a host of health problems, but the point remains: it's extremely selfish for a smoker to say everyone else should just put up with their smoke smell to the point that they should be able to infuse non-smoking rooms with it. It can cause serious problems for others, even if you think you don't smell bad.

I have never, ever gotten headaches or sinus problems from generic BO smells in public. Those never made my father throw up.
posted by Nattie at 6:05 PM on December 3, 2008


I have never, ever gotten headaches or sinus problems from generic BO smells in public. Those never made my father throw up.

You've never ridden the G train after midnight, I see.
posted by Bookhouse at 7:20 PM on December 3, 2008 [1 favorite]


The guy is a total douchebag, but at least it isn't the Valley Lodge.
posted by mike3k at 7:49 PM on December 3, 2008


If I only knew how to sort these 526 results, we'd have a winner.
posted by lukemeister at 8:23 PM on December 3, 2008


This thread makes me want to light up a pall mall, (I do not smoke) drink some cheap whiskey (trying to cut down) and go find a cheap hooker ( ugh).
posted by Iron Rat at 10:38 PM on December 3, 2008


RE: The Great Smokers' Smell Debate

It's worth noting that I, as a person with asthma, will indeed begin to have a reaction just by standing near someone who is a habitual smoker. The smell lingers, and its enough to make me, at least, have to reach for that stupid inhaler. (I hate this new one; it tastes fruity and sickly-sweet, not bitter and medicine-y. Apparently they had to change it because the old ones were destroying the ozone layer or something. Us weak-lunged bastards just can't catch a break, I guess.)

I've had to take breathing breaks out in the car when we've stayed in cheap motel rooms which were "non-smoking", by which they meant no one had smoked in there TODAY. You could smell it when you went in, and my stupid-ass lungs decided they didn't like it.

I'm A-OK with people smoking if they want to, and I even think smoking bans in places like bars are kind of dumb (though on a personal level I'd at least want a warning label on places that allow smoking so I could avoid the asthma attack), but ranting about not renting a non-smoking room to a smoker is... well, it's kind of a jerk move. Smoking in a room can and will cause actual, measurable health problems in some later occupants, and it's uncool to paint the desire for a smoke-free space as some kind of prissy, fastidious, or unnecessary precaution. That shit could literally kill me and quite a few other people.
posted by Scattercat at 2:01 AM on December 4, 2008 [2 favorites]


i just want to say loquacious wins for worst motel ever - and i say that as a former motel desk clerk of about 10 years who saw drug raids, teenage beer parties and the worst of all, amateur baseball teams

really - you'll just have to believe me - and then there was the guest who left the spider monkey in room 105 ...

by the way - yes, we had non-smoking rooms - yes, i refused to rent them to smokers - no, i don't care to argue about it - yes, the reservation center is your friend - plan ahead or take your chances
posted by pyramid termite at 2:20 AM on December 4, 2008 [1 favorite]


The Spider Monkey in Room 105 would make a great title for a book, in the same vein as Even the Rhinos Were Nymphos.
posted by lukemeister at 5:30 AM on December 4, 2008 [1 favorite]


On passive smoking, fyi:
Meta-analysis shows that the statistical correlation between exposure to media violence and aggression is not quite as strong as that linking smoking to an increased risk of lung cancer. It is, howener, double the strength of the correlation of passive smoking and lung cancer, twice as strong as the link between condom use and reduction in risk of catching HIV, about three times the strength of the idea that calcium increases bone strength, and more than three times as strong as the correlation between time spent doing homework and academic achievement.
I understand that people dislike the smell of tobacco smoke, which is not related to the above quotation. Personally, I would rather rent a room that smelled a bit of smoke than the CNS upsetting air-fresheners and other perfumed products that attack my nose in hotel rooms.
posted by asok at 7:56 AM on December 4, 2008


As a former road musician, I can tell you there are far worse places than most of us even imagine exist, and I've stayed in too many of them. The kind of place where you light a smoke upon entering your room just to cover up the smell of death.

fourcheesemac,

You know, you really can't just leave us hanging like that.
posted by lukemeister at 8:37 AM on December 4, 2008


Late to this but re: smoking I've got to side with the anti-smokers. My father smoked his entire life, so I grew up in an environment that constantly reeked of tobacco smoke. I was always baffled, and somewhat annoyed, by people who complained about the smell of smokers. I didn't smell anything except for when he was currently smoking.

A few months after he died I discovered a new world. Smokers stink, it doesn't matter if they smoke inside or outside, if the brush their teeth and wash their hands afterward, smokers stink. Cigarette smoke clings to hair and clothes. A regular smoker can fill an entire room with the stench of cigarette smoke simply by sitting quietly and doing nothing, even if the last time they smoked was a few hours ago.

My sister in law smokes, only outside never inside and never when my kid is there, and every time my kid visits her house he comes back smelling like a cigarette factory.

Smokers, and people who live with smokers, can't tell just how bad smokers smell. When my father was alive I always thought non-smokers were just being jerks about the smell. They aren't. Smokers smell like an ashtray, and anyplace they stay long soon smells that way too.

As for toxins, I don't think that's a major problem. I mean, we live in an environment filled with carbon monoxide from cars, outgassing from all the plastics, etc. Sure, there's probably a few toxins mixed in with the stench from smokers, but I doubt it adds anything significant to the already present environmental toxins. Its just the stink that bugs me.
posted by sotonohito at 8:41 AM on December 4, 2008


Shorter thread:

1) Your local hôtel de putain de craque is worse than this place.

2) Nonsmokers don't like the way that smokers smell; smokers insist that it's no biggie, and besides, you know, your shit does stink, so there.
posted by Halloween Jack at 11:01 AM on December 4, 2008


The kind of place where you light a smoke upon entering your room just to cover up the smell of death.

Case in point. The Del Mar Resort Motel. At the wrong end of the Strip. The rooms rent by the hour, but hey, three free channels of porn (English, Spanish and "Classic") and free condoms in a little dish in the office.

Five years after that body was found the room (#7 if I recall correctly) still smelled like death. Crackpipe burn scars covered the carpet, the dresser, the bedspread. Those were the clean parts.

The other rooms in the motel appeared to be running a wide variety of unsavory businesses catering to the most unpleasant assortment of degernerates it has ever been my misfortune to share a parking lot with.

Oh, but there was a pool. There is not enough money (or enough layers of protective clothing) in the world to make me consider dipping the tiniest portion of my body into that pool
posted by dersins at 11:29 AM on December 4, 2008


At a certain point isn't it better to just sleep in your car or a storm sewer? In the latter case, there may be some bugs, but at least they aren't the kind that live on humans.
posted by BrotherCaine at 4:18 PM on December 4, 2008


Mostly I think people don't actually sleep in the really bad places, if you know what I mean.
posted by dersins at 4:35 PM on December 4, 2008


Of course, but the same applies for sex.
posted by BrotherCaine at 4:39 PM on December 4, 2008


Although, I guess prostitutes are less than likely to go into a storm drain or culvert with you without an upcharge.
posted by BrotherCaine at 4:40 PM on December 4, 2008


three free channels of porn (English, Spanish and "Classic")

I cannot explain to you why I find this hilarious.
posted by middleclasstool at 4:54 PM on December 4, 2008


three free channels of porn (English, Spanish and "Classic")

Like this?
posted by lukemeister at 9:24 PM on December 4, 2008


Bravo, Marisa, I have never seen such a thorough and insane derail of a thread.
posted by tehloki at 1:48 AM on December 5, 2008 [1 favorite]


As a former road musician, I can tell you there are far worse places than most of us even imagine exist, and I've stayed in too many of them. The kind of place where you light a smoke upon entering your room just to cover up the smell of death.
posted by fourcheesemac


Dude, that's why musicians have VANS. I'd rather sleep in a cold, farty old van than some room o' death.

Here's a fun story. When GG Allin and the Murder Junkies rolled through town with their little freakshow, a local ne'er-do-well and champion substance abuser friend of mine invited them to stay at his apartment for the evening. After a night of debauchery and long showers, he went to sleep only to wake up to an empty flat. EMTPY. The cutlery, crockery, toilet paper, light bulbs, burner elements from the stove, light switch covers... all gone. It must have taken them hours.
posted by chuckdarwin at 1:51 AM on December 5, 2008 [2 favorites]


Bravo, Marisa, I have never seen such a thorough and insane derail of a thread.

I had planned on staying out of the smoking question until the bad Bill Hicks/Denis Leary impersonation started.
posted by Marisa Stole the Precious Thing at 10:14 AM on December 5, 2008


Procrustes would be proud.
posted by BrotherCaine at 4:34 PM on December 5, 2008


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