You would always be viewed by many Americans as a poseur - a usurper.

December 9, 2008 11:08 PM

An Open Letter to Barack Obama [PDF].The hard right are starting to play hardball now in their accusations of Obama of being ineligible to hold office with conservative blog WorldNetDaily leading the charge in recent months. Now the fight has been taken to the Supreme Court and has been rejected already but that's not stopping some people from trying.
posted by Talez (142 comments total)

Since when do Republicans care about the rule of law and the Constitution?

Oh, that's right, since they got their fucking asses handed to them last November.
posted by bardic at 11:18 PM on December 9, 2008 [61 favorites]

Wasn't it a presidential election or so ago that the Republicans were berating the Democrats for being sore losers when they protested the election results?
posted by schroedinger at 11:19 PM on December 9, 2008 [4 favorites]

the "hard right" described in the OP are just a handful of kooks. Most conservatives are pretty embarrassed by their antics.
posted by gyc at 11:20 PM on December 9, 2008 [16 favorites]

Obama already provided a valid copy of his Hawaiian birth certificate, which was verified by two Hawaii state officials. So that invalidates the first two objections in the open letter.

Giving these crazies any further attention in the media just validates their racist views. Let's face it, if he didn't have black skin and a father from Kenya, these nuts wouldn't have as much to work with.

Let's not give airtime to the equivalent of Holocaust revisionists. Fox News gives enough free media time to these kooks as it is.
posted by Blazecock Pileon at 11:21 PM on December 9, 2008 [10 favorites]

Holy cow. If only we had written strongly worded letters to Bush!
posted by ageispolis at 11:29 PM on December 9, 2008 [18 favorites]

The people who are making these claims suffer from a basic reality disconnection. I have to listen to a handful of them on a regular basis, and they make stupid claims about American citizenship law, British citizenship law, and (most bizarrely) Indonesian nationality and adoption law. And the funny (not ha-ha funny, but still) thing is this: facts aside, all of their legal claims are objectively wrong if you bother doing about 1/2 hour of Google and Westlaw research. And since they don't actually have any special knowledge of the facts here, their factual statements are bunk too.
posted by 1adam12 at 11:35 PM on December 9, 2008 [4 favorites]

Okay, honest question here, because nobody's ever challenged my citizenship and I've lived in the US my whole life: Do half the documents they're asking for even fucking EXIST? Is there a loyalty oath I'm supposed to sign somewhere?

Keep movin' the goalposts, kids.
posted by dismas at 11:40 PM on December 9, 2008 [5 favorites]

dismas, the loyalty oath is only for naturalized citizens.
posted by keijo at 11:43 PM on December 9, 2008

Due to some abstruse interplay between jus sanguinis, the partition of Berlin, and the uncertain retroactive status of the Nuremberg Laws, I may or may not be a German citizen by birth. Does this mean I'm not a natural-born American? That would explain my indifference towards apple pie, I guess.
posted by decagon at 11:49 PM on December 9, 2008 [3 favorites]

Berg continued, “Obama knows he is not ‘natural born’ as he knows
where he was born and he knows he was adopted in Indonesia; Obama is an
attorney, Harvard Law grad who taught Constitutional law; Obama knows
his candidacy is the largest ‘hoax’ attempted on the citizens of the United
States in over 200 years; Obama places our Constitution in a ‘crisis’ situation;
and Obama is in a situation where he can be blackmailed by leaders around
the world who know Obama is not qualified.”

unneccesary quotation marks are my favorite kind because they transform boring, tedious things written by crazy people into Mad Libs. who doesn't like Mad Libs?
posted by radiosig at 11:50 PM on December 9, 2008 [31 favorites]

I suppose you could consider this hardball since it's been brought to (and quickly smacked down without comment by) the Supreme Court. But really, might as well say the lolruses are running a hardball campaign to prove Obama stole their buckit.
posted by Solon and Thanks at 11:51 PM on December 9, 2008 [30 favorites]

decagon: forget the pie. The Germans do some BAD-ASS things with apples. Strudels for starters.
posted by sourwookie at 11:52 PM on December 9, 2008 [3 favorites]

An Open Letter From The Wonderchicken:

Dear Stupid People

Come on now. Sit down. Here, eat this hamburger. Mmm, isn't that tasty? Yes, yes it is. Quiet now. Ooookay. Shhh. Look! It's a TV. Watch the TV. Thaat's it. Gentle now. Nap time.

Love,

stwc
posted by stavrosthewonderchicken at 11:53 PM on December 9, 2008 [59 favorites]

Unfortunately, Mr. Schulz wrote his letter in a room containing a flag with gold fringe, and thus has no legal standing...
posted by madajb at 11:54 PM on December 9, 2008 [32 favorites]

Ooh. Fun Game:

“Obama knows he is not [ADJECTIVE] as he knows
where he was born and he knows he was adopted in Indonesia; Obama is an
attorney, Harvard Law grad who taught Constitutional law; Obama knows
his candidacy is the largest [SILLY NOUN] attempted on the citizens of the United
States in over 200 years; Obama places our Constitution in a [FUNNY ADJECTIVE] situation;
and Obama is in a situation where he can be blackmailed by leaders around
the world who know Obama is not qualified.”

I'll go with Fuzzy, Clown hat, and Silly-Willy.
posted by sourwookie at 11:56 PM on December 9, 2008 [2 favorites]

According to some theories, anyone called "Philip J. Berg, Esquire" isn't a citizen either.
posted by finite at 11:56 PM on December 9, 2008 [4 favorites]

Obama already provided a valid copy of his Hawaiian birth certificate, which was verified by two Hawaii state officials.

I dunno, BP. The conspiracy guy I work with was pretty adamant about the shenanigans concerning the birth certificate, and, given the authority with which he spoke about Sasquatch being an advanced subterranean race of alien-engineered ape/human hybrids during our smoke break tonight, I think it would be a mistake to simply accept the evidence and verification at face value.
Wheels within wheels, people!
posted by Alvy Ampersand at 12:10 AM on December 10, 2008 [8 favorites]

“Obama knows he is not [gelatinous] as he knows
where he was born and he knows he was adopted in Indonesia; Obama is an
attorney, Harvard Law grad who taught Constitutional law; Obama knows
his candidacy is the largest narwhal] attempted on the citizens of the United
States in over 200 years; Obama places our Constitution in a [titillating] situation;
and Obama is in a situation where he can be blackmailed by leaders around
the world who know Obama is not qualified.”
posted by awesomebrad at 12:22 AM on December 10, 2008 [8 favorites]

This is only so they can say "it's okay if you're not born here" in the end...

And then in 2012 they unleash Governator as nominee.

You heard it here first.
posted by qvantamon at 12:35 AM on December 10, 2008 [3 favorites]

obama's one of the LIZARD PEOPLE and CAN'T be a citizen - WAKE UP!!!
posted by pyramid termite at 12:35 AM on December 10, 2008 [4 favorites]

I got your usurper right here.
posted by Joseph Gurl at 12:38 AM on December 10, 2008 [1 favorite]

Well, here we go.

I'd just like to clarify that when I predicted there'd be a legal challenge to the Obama presidency, what I meant was something along the lines of a Law and Order episode, only at the Supreme Court. Shots of lawyers on the steps talking to the press, people rushing into limos with their raincoats over their heads, hardboiled attorneys in paisley suspenders sipping whiskey and cursing at the evening news on the bar television. That sort of thing.

I never dared dream it would come in the form of questionable challenges on par with claiming to be "king of America" in traffic court, or refusing to recognize a legal proceding because the flag in the courtroom has a golden fringe. This is just beyond hilarious. Especially as it has the ironic effect of giving Obama's presidency more legitimacy, because of the kind of people challenging it. He's now, officially, 150% legitimate.

So thank you, WorldNetDaily. Maybe you can join forces with Flat Earthers and 9/11 Truthers, and form a Super Dooper Coalition for Democracy and Anti-Masonic Freedom.
posted by Marisa Stole the Precious Thing at 12:40 AM on December 10, 2008 [14 favorites]

Autonomous Multi-Kill vehicle - Whipped cream ecstasy and foam three day rave - concatetentational.
posted by From Bklyn at 12:43 AM on December 10, 2008 [2 favorites]

“Obama knows he is not [required to put up with this shit,] as he knows
where he was born and he knows he was adopted in Indonesia; Obama is an
attorney, Harvard Law grad who taught Constitutional law; Obama knows
his candidacy is the largest [act of redemption] attempted on the citizens of the United States in over 200 years; Obama places our Constitution in a [recovery] situation;
and Obama is in a situation where he can be blackmailed by leaders around
the world who know Obama is not qualified.”

International perspective edition.
posted by Jilder at 1:06 AM on December 10, 2008 [19 favorites]

Sad formatting is sad.
posted by Jilder at 1:06 AM on December 10, 2008 [5 favorites]

Oh, do we get to play with words in this thread? Let's see.

The people who wrote this letter are imbeciles.
The people who wrote this letter are jackasses.
The people who wrote this letter are halfwits.
The people who wrote this letter are mentally deficient.
The people who wrote this letter are morons.
The people who wrote this letter are thickos.
The people who wrote this letter are asinine, backward, deranged, dim-witted, dull, fatuous, feeble-minded twunts.
posted by chuckdarwin at 1:25 AM on December 10, 2008 [3 favorites]

I've been following the Donofrio v. Wells case (the one denied by SCOTUS this Monday) at the lawyer's blog, because the commentary and comments tend to be interesting (in that train-wreck, kind of scary way). His argument had nothing to do with birth certificates. Donofrio admits that Obama was born in Hawaii, to an American (natural born) mother, but owing to his father being a UK citizen (Kenya being under the control of UK at the time), Obama had dual citizenship at birth ... and thus is not a natural born citizen. He also states that McCain, having not been born on US soil, was also ineligible to run.

They are all very sad that case was denied, but now they are throwing their support behind Wrotnowski v. Bysiewicz, which the SCOTUS will be looking at during their conference on the 12th of December. The cases are nearly identical, and Donofrio has been helping Wrotnowski with the writing and filing. From what I have read, the supporters of both cases, as well as both these lawyers, feel the first case was tossed because it was weaker than this second one, and that surely this one will be taken on for a few review and oral arguments and ending with Obama being disallowed from taking office. The SCOTUS was just waiting to take on the better case ... or something like that.

Interestingly, even the crazy people at that blog think Berg is crazy.

And of course, some of them are also preparing for an upcoming civil war, which they believe will either happen when the liberals don't get to crown The Usurper as the POTUS or when they have to fight to protect the constitution and downfall of America as they know it (due to a child born in the USA of an American citizen becomes President).
posted by Orb at 1:45 AM on December 10, 2008 [2 favorites]

The people who wrote this letter are asinine, backward, deranged, dim-witted, dull, fatuous, feeble-minded twunts.

the people who wrote this letter are running out of alphabet blocks - donate now!
posted by pyramid termite at 2:00 AM on December 10, 2008

hardboiled attorneys in paisley suspenders

That brought a very disturbing image into my head, until I remembered that UK usage of 'suspenders' <> US usage of 'suspenders'.
posted by Major Clanger at 2:11 AM on December 10, 2008 [8 favorites]

From the blog comments linked by Orb:

"Also, based on a a very long study of linguistical codes, I unraveled a procedure to unveil hidden messages within categories of names and certain types of titles. I have decrypted about 75 of these codes, which I call Word Stacks, and none have been wrong yet. I have deduced a decyption winding through the names Obama and Biden. Come see for yourself. It’s very telling…"

It's like Timecube for dickless racists!
posted by bardic at 2:19 AM on December 10, 2008 [11 favorites]

Berg continued, “Obama knows he is not ‘natural born’ as he knows
where he was born and he knows he was adopted in Indonesia
posted by PeterMcDermott at 2:28 AM on December 10, 2008

That "Word Stacks" thing makes me sad.
posted by From Bklyn at 2:46 AM on December 10, 2008

Lawyers: How common is it that a sitcom pitch could accidentally wind up on the Supreme Court docket, and that they would inadvertently rule on it?

Could this be the explanation for the 1958 ruling that has puzzled constitutional scholars for so long, Edna Williams' Grocery Shopping List v. An Undated Receipt for Three Pairs of Pants?
posted by stupidsexyFlanders at 3:03 AM on December 10, 2008 [5 favorites]

No batshitinsane tag?

It really takes a special kind of something to claim that this election was somehow stolen.
posted by rokusan at 3:04 AM on December 10, 2008 [8 favorites]

I never dared dream it would come in the form of questionable challenges on par with claiming to be "king of America" in traffic court.

Hey, that was completely uncalled-for, okay?

(Also, it was "pope of America", and I got off on a technicality.)
posted by rokusan at 3:06 AM on December 10, 2008 [5 favorites]

Just in case anyone has any doubts about where Obama was born I found this, having said that though - I must say I laughed like a drain when I read the allegation, that he could not be president, because he automatically adopted his father's nationality, that being British, because he was born before Kenya obtained independence in 1963.

Britain run the world for over a hundred years and dare I say it, did a good job and I for one - am glad to see a Brit in the white house lol.
posted by dollyknot at 3:28 AM on December 10, 2008

One of the opinion columnists in my local free paper is obsessed with this. I responded once, and ever since then I've had to throw the paper away as soon as it arrives. I'm afraid if I read his column I'll be tempted to continue the argument, and in the process lose my mind.
posted by diogenes at 4:06 AM on December 10, 2008 [2 favorites]

unneccesary quotation marks are my favorite kind because they transform boring, tedious things written by crazy people into Mad Libs. who doesn't like Mad Libs?

I really liked the album he did with MF Doom!

hold on hold on -> does this mean the Metal Faced Warrior is really Obama?
posted by mannequito at 4:06 AM on December 10, 2008

And in other news, the Supreme Court reversed their Bush v Gore decision, and Al Gore is to be President from Dec 10 to Jan 20.
posted by DreamerFi at 4:08 AM on December 10, 2008 [3 favorites]

That "Word Stacks" thing makes me sad.

All I get is BOB, I AM DEAN.

It might be the damn fine coffee talking, Diane, but I think this might be some kind of hidden message from Leo linking the DNC to Laura Palmer's murder.
posted by rokusan at 4:29 AM on December 10, 2008

the "hard right" described in the OP are just a handful of kooks. Most conservatives are pretty embarrassed by their antics.

Links to non-crazy conservatives calling these guys out as kooks, please?
posted by rokusan at 4:30 AM on December 10, 2008 [4 favorites]

That brought a very disturbing image into my head, until I remembered that UK usage of 'suspenders' <> US usage of 'suspenders'.

"...hardboiled attorneys in paisley braces..."

That's funny too. Not as funny, though.
posted by mikelieman at 4:30 AM on December 10, 2008

One of the opinion columnists in my local free paper is obsessed with this. I responded once, and ever since then I've had to throw the paper away as soon as it arrives. I'm afraid if I read his column I'll be tempted to continue the argument, and in the process lose my mind.

Call them, ask them to stop delivering it, and tell them why.

Oh, and Esquire: a polite title appended to a man's name when no other title is used, typically in the address of a letter or other documents. In other words, "I ain't got shit to put after my name."

I knew an R. Hilton III (no relation) who a few times, when confronted by bad waitstaff or indifferent help, would whip out a business card & watch people scramble, just because it was amusing. You'd thing this guy could at least be a "The Third," or something.
posted by Devils Rancher at 4:34 AM on December 10, 2008 [1 favorite]

Has anyone said "Get over it!" yet?
posted by Ron Thanagar at 4:40 AM on December 10, 2008

"word stacks" = I have that cool Anagrams program.
posted by Devils Rancher at 4:45 AM on December 10, 2008

Ladies and gentlemen of this supposed jury, Obama's attorney would certainly want you to believe that his client is a natural born citizen. And they make a good case. Hell, I almost felt pity myself! But, ladies and gentlemen of this supposed jury, I have one final thing I want you to consider. Ladies and gentlemen, this is Chewbacca. Chewbacca is a Wookiee from the planet Kashyyyk. But Chewbacca lives on the planet Endor. Now think about it; that does not make sense!
posted by Poolio at 4:45 AM on December 10, 2008 [5 favorites]

I don't know about it being just a handful of kooks, but I will say that one night while zoned out on cold medicine, I followed the story from that blog to other places on the internet, and well ... the same comments seem to be copy/pasted word for word at all of them. Leads me to believe their numbers are smaller than it may appear, if you only read one of the sites.

And that word stack stuff? Yeah. Timecube, indeed.

Ron: A few "get over it" comments did get posted at the Donofrio site, but the comments are HEAVILY moderated (and edited), so I can only imagine the ones that didn't get posted (like mine, which was a little harsher than "get over it").

I'm glad someone else found the link in the comments, because I really wanted to send it to a friend of mine but couldn't bring myself to wade through all those insane comments again to find it.
posted by Orb at 4:46 AM on December 10, 2008

Links to non-crazy conservatives calling these guys out as kooks, please?

While their politics are nowhere near mine (except in the opposition to Creationism), it is to Little Green Footballs' credit that they've consistently regarded the birth certificate nonsense with the vigorous facepalming that it deserves. I can't vouch for any particular commenters on that site who may take an alternate view, but at least Johnson himself has been on top of it.

Within the posts included in that tag is this National Review article by David Horowitz. I give that article credit, of course, for telling his fellow conservatives to Drop It Already, but on the other hand it irks me that he weirdly leaves open the possibility that Obama was not actually born on American soil (an assertion which would require the assistance of time-traveling Hawaiian). Instead, he treats it as quibbling over a technicality. But it's not a mere technicality over which people are quibbling - either Obama is a natural-born citizen or he is not (he is) and either Obama has lied about being a natural-born citizen or he has not (he has not lied about this matter in the least). He also floats the idea that a Supreme Court battle over this would be a failure because, in part, four of the justices are liberal. Okay, it's true that there are four liberal(ish) justices, but more importantly, not a one of the nine justices, not even the hard-right Scalia, would ever dream of asserting the untruth that Obama is not a natural-born citizen. It is not enough that there is something unconservative or sore loserish about disenfranchising the 64 million Americans who voted for Obama on a technicality. It is that to assert that Obama is not a natural-born citizen is a lie, and we should not make important decisions based on lies.

At any rate, also included in that set of LGF posts, there's a less controversial-to-me National Review article by Michelle Malkin which explicitly takes the "Obama was born on US soil, he's a natural-born citizen, get over it" tack.

I'm not sure how Charles Johnson, David Horowitz, or Michelle Malkin would or would not comply with your "non-crazy" requirement - personally, I think Malkin's batty - but either way, there they are, spread before you like the fanning tail of a beautiful, truth-shaped peacock.
posted by Sticherbeast at 4:48 AM on December 10, 2008 [9 favorites]

Not that I am rabid Obama chap, but I call bullshit filter on what amounts to a salacious, drudged up from the bottom of the ocean plastic bottles of poisonous air requiring a purification process that ultimately will lead to new and exciting things people can buy into.
posted by Funmonkey1 at 4:50 AM on December 10, 2008

This reminds me of something that happened when I was a teenager and our neighbor ran for a local office. About halfway through the campaign, he suddenly got a call from his old high school principal, who asked him, "do you know why the RNC in your town would want to have seen your school transcripts? Because they called and asked for them."

I can't remember whether the school agreed, but we all realized that my neighbor's opponents were probably fishing to see if they could find something out from my neighbor's past that they could blow up into a scandal -- I don't know, maybe that he'd keyed someone's car or flunked algebra or something. My father just laughed and told him that "you know, if they have to go back THAT far to try to find something on you, that's probably a sign that they're really, really desperate."

Obama's opponents had to go back even further than that -- they are now having to go back to Obama's very BIRTH to find something on him. Which means that after this gets thrown out, there's only one earlier thing they'll try.

...I predict some kind of weird accusations against Obama's mother eating a shroom when she was pregnant or something like that next, then.
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 4:54 AM on December 10, 2008 [6 favorites]

OBAMA FAKED MOON LANDING!!11!!!!!!
posted by foxy_hedgehog at 5:07 AM on December 10, 2008

I've been hearing about this from my father (which was a whole other level of batshit insanity that I never even dreamed would come from him) and at least now I can do something other than sit open-mouthed while listening to him whine about this.
posted by sperose at 5:14 AM on December 10, 2008

...I predict some kind of weird accusations against Obama's mother eating a shroom when she was pregnant or something like that next, then.

I wouldn't put it past the wingnuts. Yesterday I was listening to a local rightwing radio talk show and the host spent the better part of an hour pretty much reading what must have been a "talking points memo" of some sort about this. He went so far as to suggest that Obama's mother was underage when she gave birth to him. You know what kind of imagery that conjures up about her and about Obama's deadbeat father. Maybe Obama needs to call one of these idiots out...
posted by fuse theorem at 5:17 AM on December 10, 2008

He went so far as to suggest that Obama's mother was underage when she gave birth to him.

So, Obama's grandmother would have been Presidential material?
posted by Sticherbeast at 5:20 AM on December 10, 2008 [2 favorites]

The most absurd part of all this, of course, is that even putting aside for a moment that if Obama didn't actually have an American birth certificate, that would mean for his entire life he ducked needing this to get a driver's license, registering to vote, filing for his candidacies in numerous local elections, passing background checks at Harvard, and avoiding having any existence of a naturalized citizen's Social Security number application on record, the simple fact remains that Obama already released his birth certificate six months ago.

Oh, but that's not the actual birth certificate. It's a "certificate of live birth." Which, by the authority invested in some bloggers by a $4.95/month bandwidth charge, is not acceptable. I mean, sure, ever government agency in the world accepts that, but the 1/20 Truthers think "it's a forgery." For extra laughs, try to find the comment threads that now simply say "it was PROVEN to be a forgery."

This is a vile, racist, and spiteful version of "give a mouse a cookie." They aren't satisfied, and never will be, because like all the other stupid conspiracy bullshit they're flogging the only thing that will satisfy them is something that proves they are right, which of course doesn't exist, because they're not.

If you want a final assessment of how batshit these people are, here you go: David Horowitz- David fucking Horowitz: thinks these people are insane.
posted by XQUZYPHYR at 5:22 AM on December 10, 2008 [3 favorites]

Can't they please first come for the freepers already? Pretty please?
posted by aeschenkarnos at 5:27 AM on December 10, 2008 [2 favorites]

I'm not sure how Charles Johnson, David Horowitz, or Michelle Malkin would or would not comply with your "non-crazy" requirement

If Michelle Malkin thinks you're going too far with the liberal-hatin', it's probably time to take a deep breath and step back from the edge.
posted by EarBucket at 5:27 AM on December 10, 2008 [1 favorite]

I love the smell of desperation in the morning. Smells like victory.
posted by The Straightener at 5:33 AM on December 10, 2008 [5 favorites]

Oh, but that's not the actual birth certificate. It's a "certificate of live birth." Which, by the authority invested in some bloggers by a $4.95/month bandwidth charge, is not acceptable.

Oh for god's sake, that's what these pinheads are objecting to? Talk about yer beanplates. I have a "certificate of live birth" too, and so does everyone else born in Illinois in 1961, I reckon, and probably a bunch of other states. If the specter of these people knowing my name didn't totally wig me out, I'd send them a copy.
posted by FelliniBlank at 5:47 AM on December 10, 2008

If people are saying this kind of nonsense now and he's not even in office yet, I'm a bit worried that when he actually takes over and starts upsetting some entrenched interests, people are going to seriously lose their minds.
posted by Pastabagel at 5:50 AM on December 10, 2008 [1 favorite]

I wanted to do a more point and laugh FPP but I didn't want to get it deleted as an axegrindfilter. I've had it done before and I've been mindful not to err on that side.
posted by Talez at 6:00 AM on December 10, 2008

people are going to seriously lose their minds.

The people you're talking about A) aren't serious and B) have no minds to speak of.
posted by trondant at 6:00 AM on December 10, 2008 [2 favorites]

I will say that I'm pleased that Donofrio is equal-opportunity in his wingnuttery, having hit up the citizenship credentials of both Obama and McCain.

Also, of *course* Malkin is going to defend the "born on US soil == citizen" since that allowed her to be one of those "anchor babies" she's gotten so upset about.
posted by rmd1023 at 6:01 AM on December 10, 2008 [1 favorite]

That "not stopping some people from trying" link says that this is the largest hoax in 200 years. What great hoax took place 200 years ago?
posted by bjrn at 6:01 AM on December 10, 2008 [1 favorite]

None of these suits would be successful because none of these persons have the right to sue to have this problem dealt with by the courts. Standing to sue, as it is known is what allows the courts to throw out lawsuits where a party has no material interest in a case. The doctrine prevents a bigot from suing to stop a gay marriage involving people he's never met, for example.

Only McCain could successfully challenge Obama and he won't.

However, these kooks were smart to also argue that McCain was ineligible under the same clause. Makes 'em look less partisan and racist.
posted by Ironmouth at 6:05 AM on December 10, 2008

Ooh. Fun Game:

“Obama knows he is not [ADJECTIVE] as he knows where he was born and he knows he was adopted in Indonesia; Obama is an attorney, Harvard Law grad who taught Constitutional law; Obama knows his candidacy is the largest [SILLY NOUN] attempted on the citizens of the United States in over 200 years; Obama places our Constitution in a [FUNNY ADJECTIVE] situation; and Obama is in a situation where he can be blackmailed by leaders around the world who know Obama is not qualified.”

One of my teachers, in perhaps second or third grade, would have group participation Mad Libs every so often (maybe every Friday, or something like that). She would call out "Adjective", kids in the class would raise their hand, and she would call on one of them to give an adjective. The way I remember it, at least, the above Mad Lib would have worked out as follows:

“Obama knows he is not TOILETY as he knows where he was born and he knows he was adopted in Indonesia; Obama is an attorney, Harvard Law grad who taught Constitutional law; Obama knows his candidacy is the largest TOILET attempted on the citizens of the United States in over 200 years; Obama places our Constitution in a TOILETY situation; and Obama is in a situation where he can be blackmailed by leaders around the world who know Obama is not qualified.”

Looking back on it, I admire her calm, accepting patience and perseverance.
posted by Flunkie at 6:14 AM on December 10, 2008 [14 favorites]

I'm really surprised where Obama was born is still an issue. After all, the nutters now have the whole Obama-Blago connection to wring their hands over.
posted by SteveInMaine at 6:19 AM on December 10, 2008

None of these suits would be successful because none of these persons have the right to sue to have this problem dealt with by the courts. Standing to sue, as it is known is what allows the courts to throw out lawsuits where a party has no material interest in a case.

I assume that they are American citizens (although I'd like to see their birth certificates...). Who, if not a general "American citizen", has a "material interest" in whether the President-Elect of the United States is Constitutionally eligible to be President of the United States?

To be clear, I'm firmly in the "these people are wackos" camp. But taken out of all context, the above claim does not make much sense to me.
posted by Flunkie at 6:21 AM on December 10, 2008

One of the big points the 666th Flying Wingnut Jackass Brigade keep trotting out is that they want the Real, Original Birth Certificate. The problem is that the Hawaii Department of Health does not have in place a process to present it, and as with any bureacracy if there's not a process, you can beat your head against the wall until your rubbing cervical vertebrae against the wall and nothing will change except the condition of your noggin.

Then they trotted out the 'OMG THESE TWO LOOK ALIKE! AND GOTTA FUNNY DATE!' Well, y'see, when you get a copy of the Certificate Of Live Birth, there's a date of issuance of the copy which is the... uh... date of issuance of the copy. The date the copy was made and given to you. If Barack Obama called for a copy, and they sent it to him, it'll show date of birth and date of issuance.

Basically, the 'evidence' some of these nutballs are tossing out is because of the magical powers of bureacratic rules. Their inability to process logic through their idiocy and hate hamstrings them, and then they complain their limp is other people's fault, despite the knife in their hand that matches the wound in the leg.
posted by mephron at 6:29 AM on December 10, 2008

The thread on dcist when the case was upcoming was amazing in the number and voracity of whackos it brought out. It is so hard to tell the difference between real life and parody sometimes.
posted by inigo2 at 6:30 AM on December 10, 2008

> Not that I am rabid Obama chap, but I call bullshit filter on what amounts to a salacious,
> drudged up from the bottom of the ocean plastic bottles of poisonous air requiring a
> purification process that ultimately will lead to new; and exciting things people can buy into.
> posted by Funmonkey1 at 7:50 AM on December 10 [+] [!]

Well, I am an Obama chap, at least to the extent of having voted for him, but I haven't forgotten (as everyone else commenting here conveniently has) that equal but opposite nutcakes from the prog/dem side of the fence pulled precisely this same he's-ineligable-he's-not-a-citizen stunt on Sen. McCain during the campaign. (Massive link dump available for the google-incapable, just ask.) It's fun to point and laugh at people out with their pants down; but this crowd right here would look less clownish if you checked your own ankles first to see what's flapping around down there.
posted by jfuller at 6:44 AM on December 10, 2008 [1 favorite]

Alan Keyes has filed a case in California as well, and his supporters argue that he does have standing, since he was running for President (which I guess would give him standing, though IANAL). He wants Obama to prove his natural born citizen status and that Obama has never held citizenship in another country by providing the birth certificate, his passport(s), and various other documents.

I haven't been keeping up with this one, because there's only so much nuttery a person can read and still find it somewhat entertaining.

Naturally, his supporters think THIS is the case that will stick, and if it doesn't, America as we know it will cease to exist.
posted by Orb at 6:44 AM on December 10, 2008

Oh, but that's not the actual birth certificate. It's a "certificate of live birth."

*blink*

Okay, can someone explain to me what the difference is between those two?

Because honestly, this sounds like the difference between "The People's Front of Judea" and "The Judean People's Front".
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 6:46 AM on December 10, 2008 [10 favorites]

equal but opposite nutcakes from the prog/dem side of the fence pulled precisely this same

Yes, and they were just as ridiculous and worthy of scorn.
posted by Orb at 6:46 AM on December 10, 2008

If you want more LOLpubs action, RenewAmerica has been on this story like white on rice - to use what seems an appropriate metaphor.

They've also published some very interesting similarities between our President-elect and a certain Antichrist you may have read about.
posted by Joe Beese at 6:51 AM on December 10, 2008

but more importantly, not a one of the nine justices, not even the hard-right Scalia, would ever dream of asserting the untruth that Obama is not a natural-born citizen.

That is, unless you count Clarence Thomas as a Supreme Court Justice.
posted by anansi at 6:53 AM on December 10, 2008 [1 favorite]

It is so hard to tell the difference between real life and parody sometimes.

I'm no longer sure that they're distinct entities. Also, let's get some Alan Keyes mad libs going.
posted by Inspector.Gadget at 6:53 AM on December 10, 2008

And since I still have it sitting on my desktop, here's a good link refuting these not-natural-born claims: 6 ways challenges to Obama’s citizenship fail

And did you hear?! Obama's Selective Service registration was a complete forgery as well!
posted by Orb at 6:59 AM on December 10, 2008

but this crowd right here would look less clownish if you checked your own ankles first to see what's flapping around down there.

Yeah, we talked about the claims against McCain's citizenship back in February and pretty much laughed it off as ridiculous.
posted by turaho at 7:19 AM on December 10, 2008

People are letting the Supremes off too easy. Thomas & now Scalia are deliberately feeding into the paranoia of these people when they put the cases up for review. They know the cases have no merit, that even their four most conservative members won't bite at this poison fruit. The mere fact of their considering it lends it a legitimacy it doesn't deserve and they know that but they don't care. They're playing political hardball, trying to weaken the ability of Obama to govern effectively, with the reputation of the Constitution itself as a part of the game. It's disgusting & I'm ashamed of them.
posted by scalefree at 7:22 AM on December 10, 2008 [3 favorites]

My feeling about why the SCOTUS is even bothering looking at them in conference is that these cases were each received by one of the judges and turned down, then they were sent to another, so in order to not have to spend all the time and energy for each judge to individually have to refuse them, they go ahead and do it all at once. Not that I know what the judges are thinking, but I know that's what I'd do. You know these people would just keep submitting it to each judge as it got refused by the previous.
posted by Orb at 7:28 AM on December 10, 2008

this is the largest hoax in 200 years. What great hoax took place 200 years ago?

In the United States presidential election of 1808, the Democratic-Republican candidate James Madison defeated Federalist candidate Charles Cotesworth Pinckney. Madison had served as United States Secretary of State under incumbent Thomas Jefferson, and Pinckney had been the unsuccessful Federalist candidate in the election of 1804. The election was marked by opposition to Jefferson's Embargo Act of 1807, a halt to trade with Europe that disproportionately hurt New England merchants and was perceived as favoring France over Britain. Scandalous.
posted by netbros at 7:30 AM on December 10, 2008

What great hoax took place 200 years ago?

I hear James Madison was a Muslim and was born in the Dutch East Indies. But Charles Pinckney was a Mexican illegal immigrant, so what are you gonna do?
posted by jal0021 at 7:34 AM on December 10, 2008 [1 favorite]

You give me Trig's birth certificate, I'll give you Obama's.
posted by stupidsexyFlanders at 7:36 AM on December 10, 2008 [7 favorites]

I have to listen to a handful of them on a regular basis

One of the opinion columnists in my local free paper is obsessed with this

So these people are REAL? I just assumed they were on the internet! Now I feel a little bit ripped off, because I don't know any, and it sounds kinda fun.
posted by kingbenny at 7:48 AM on December 10, 2008

Like a lot of readers here I agree that Mr. Obama still has a lot of explaining to do. There is so much we don't know about this man. His background is such a mystery that it seems intentionally shrouded behind a wall of lies.

Too much has been said about him being a unique person with a multicultural background.

That doesn't change the fact that if a group or enemy nation wanted to plant an underground operative one of the ways they could do it is by forging birth certificates in a pseudo-state like Hawaii - which is known for lousy record keeping and corrupt officials. This is EXACTLY HOW THEY WOULD DO IT!

So here we are with a president-elect (remember, all the votes still haven't been counted!) who has a mysterious background, and entered this country in a very odd way.

Out of all of the hundreds of millions of Americans out there who are born, live, and die perfectly normal lives in this country, leaving behind them an easily identifiable paper trial, it seems very strange indeed that the person who is elected president has such a shadowy background.

We need to know the truth!

We need to know why there are no records of this man's employment anywhere. There is not even a marriage certificate on file between him and Michelle Obama! Why is it that he has people around him to carry his money and to sign things? Why doesn't he pay for things himself or sing receipts like a normal person? He famously refused to sign autographs! Has anyone ever seen his signature? Perhaps he is afraid of what hand writing analysis may reveal.

Finally, we need for Mr. Obama (if that is his real name) to explain his ties to the Blue Reptoid Aliens. We need to know where he stands on the relocation of hundreds of millions of humans to Planet X where the evil Blue Reptiods are waging a ten-thousand year war of aggression against the peace loving Red Reptoids. Will we be conscripted into service in this intergalactic war which we have no stake in? Will the Reptoids continue to harvest our chromosomes for use in their experiments? The silence from Mr. Obama (if that is his real name) on this issue is very suspicious.
posted by wfrgms at 7:54 AM on December 10, 2008 [10 favorites]

I think we are being far too limiting in our Mad Libs by restricting ourselves to just the words in quotes. With just a few more substitutions you can get far closer to the awful truth.


"Obama knows he is not [human] as he knows where he was born and he knows he was adopted in [R'lyeh]; Obama is an attorney, Harvard Law grad who taught Constitutional law; Obama knows
his candidacy is the largest [unspeakable and unnameable horror] attempted on the citizens of the United States in over 200 [millennia]; Obama places our Constitution in a [multi-tentacled] situation; and Obama is in a situation where he can be blackmailed by leaders around the world who know Obama is [the Black Goat of the Woods with a Thousand Young]."

IA! IA! OBAMA F'THAGN!

There are no fnords in this post.
posted by The Bellman at 7:55 AM on December 10, 2008 [7 favorites]

This is not hardball. You need a ball to play that. This is dinner theatre earnestly mimed by people who've forgotten what a real ball looks like and instead kick around dark fevered delusions of their own invention.
posted by Tehanu at 7:55 AM on December 10, 2008 [1 favorite]

These are the same people, mind you, who think that Elvis is still alive since his middle name is misspelled on his Graceland tombstone.
posted by Spatch at 7:57 AM on December 10, 2008 [1 favorite]

Elvis Aron/Aaron Presley is definitely dead-- he was stillborn on January 8, 1935. The man we knew as "Elvis" was actually his identical twin brother, Jesse Garon Presley, who ultimately passed away on August 16, 1977.

It's complicated.
posted by Faint of Butt at 8:32 AM on December 10, 2008 [4 favorites]

Yawn.
posted by orange swan at 8:43 AM on December 10, 2008

I assume that they are American citizens (although I'd like to see their birth certificates...). Who, if not a general "American citizen", has a "material interest" in whether the President-Elect of the United States is Constitutionally eligible to be President of the United States?

This theory is known as "taxpayer standing" and the courts have ruled it does not constitute standing.

You would have to have a provable personal interest in the outcome of the case to have recourse. This goes for any case, anywhere. You would have to show non-speculative damages to your pocketbook or other recognized interest. Otherwise people would be suing the guy down the block because they preferred his house before he painted it blue. The courts would be clogged.
posted by Ironmouth at 8:49 AM on December 10, 2008

"beanplates"

That is all.
posted by pointilist at 8:50 AM on December 10, 2008

> I hear James Madison was a Muslim and was born in the Dutch East Indies. But Charles Pinckney was a Mexican illegal immigrant, so what are you gonna do?

Blog about it. Obsessively. But back then rants scrawled on pieces of paper didn't quite have the circulation blogs have today, I guess.
posted by bjrn at 8:56 AM on December 10, 2008

You know who else was British?
posted by DevilsAdvocate at 9:00 AM on December 10, 2008

I don't believe anyone has pointed out yet that John McCain was born in Panama.
posted by Xoebe at 9:02 AM on December 10, 2008

That's because he's a robot. McCain 5.0 was manufactured right here in the US of A.
posted by Tehanu at 9:12 AM on December 10, 2008

"But," Harrison added, "we live in a time that, because of the Internet, all points of view can live forever."

I'm firmly in the camp that believes that the dancing baby used the code phrases hidden in the "All your base are belong to us" dialog to hack into several federal databases, in order to hide the details of the faked moon landing which were largely orchestrated by Obama's father.
posted by quin at 9:16 AM on December 10, 2008

This "beanplating", is it like goldplating? Could we send them something tangible, to show them our appreciation for their efforts to keep us in stitches?
posted by lysdexic at 9:28 AM on December 10, 2008

I don't believe anyone has pointed out yet that John McCain was born in Panama.

Except for the people who did point it out, I suppose you're correct.
posted by kingbenny at 9:31 AM on December 10, 2008 [2 favorites]

Open letter
blah blah
blah
treason
signed,
dipshits
posted by Damn That Television at 9:37 AM on December 10, 2008 [5 favorites]

this is the largest hoax in 200 years. What great hoax took place 200 years ago?

In the United States presidential election of 1808, the Democratic-Republican candidate James Madison defeated Federalist candidate Charles Cotesworth Pinckney. Madison had served as United States Secretary of State under incumbent Thomas Jefferson, and Pinckney had been the unsuccessful Federalist candidate in the election of 1804. The election was marked by opposition to Jefferson's Embargo Act of 1807, a halt to trade with Europe that disproportionately hurt New England merchants and was perceived as favoring France over Britain. Scandalous.
posted by netbros at 10:30 AM

God damn it. I was going to say that.
posted by marxchivist at 9:40 AM on December 10, 2008

Here's the thing, Amanda Marcotte over at Pandagon has it right about the Obama conspiracy nuts.

The TL;DR version of her argument goes: look at what similar kooks did to Clinton. The actual content of the preposterous charges doesn't actually matter. The nuts accused Clinton of drug abuse, murder, rape, etc. Any, and indeed all, of those accusations were obviously false, but the net effect was that it stirred things up enough that the media started doing its "where there's smoke there's fire" routine. Ultimately it lead to the taxpayer funded fishing expedition that dug up Clinton's interesting behavior with cigars.

The kooks are trying, and may succeed, in getting enough momentum to start another fishing expedition against Obama. Remember, it doesn't matter if the accusation is completely baseless, makes the accuser look like a total nutbag, or anything else. All that matters is that if the accusations come fast and furious enough they can create a perception that there *must* be something wrong/immoral/whatever about Obama, or else there wouldn't be so many accusations.
posted by sotonohito at 9:52 AM on December 10, 2008 [2 favorites]

Otherwise people would be suing the guy down the block because they preferred his house before he painted it blue. The courts would be clogged.

Sometimes they do just that.
posted by TedW at 9:52 AM on December 10, 2008 [1 favorite]

from the unremitting failure blog



"Americans continue to stockpile firearms in anticipation of Barack Obama’s move to the White House, citing rumors that the president-elect intends to remain black."
posted by edgeways at 10:16 AM on December 10, 2008 [4 favorites]

A few good words about Charles Johnson. He's not only come down hard on the COLB conspiracy freaks, but has shown some respect for Obama before and after the election - for instance, in the thread he posted regarding the death of Obama's grandmother, he warned that disrespectful comments would lead to instant account deletions. He's had some good things to say about Obama's appointments. And I applaud his skewering of intelligent design and creationism.

It makes me suspect and hope that he's basically a good guy who was driven temporarily insane by 9-11 and is now starting to notice and loathe some of the elements who've allied themselves with "the cause". Perhaps he'll modulate his position into a more Hitchens-esque general anti-theocracy one, which for me holds out the hope that he may eventually change his mind about some of the actions of the Bush administration - e.g. the way the case for Iraq was made, torture, and wiretapping.
posted by fleetmouse at 10:32 AM on December 10, 2008 [1 favorite]

wfrgms: You had me at "Blue Reptoids."
posted by gc at 10:42 AM on December 10, 2008

I'm eagerly awaiting Oliver Stone's epic journey into the heart of our electoral darkness: Natural Born Citizens with Juliette Lewis reprising her role as Mallory, still pining for Mickey, but nonetheless embracing Obama as her new partner in mayhem.
posted by aperture_priority at 11:02 AM on December 10, 2008

That brought a very disturbing image into my head, until I remembered that UK usage of 'suspenders' <> US usage of 'suspenders'.

Yes. In the UK, lumberjacks, not attorneys, wear suspenders.
posted by LionIndex at 11:04 AM on December 10, 2008

These morons saying Obama is ineligible have probably not noticed the third clause of the 20th Amendment to the Constitution, which says, in part, "[I]f the President elect shall have failed to qualify, then the Vice President elect shall act as President until a President shall have qualified."

Something tells me they don't really want Joe Biden to become president, even for a while. Maybe someone should clue them in to this.
posted by cerebus19 at 11:43 AM on December 10, 2008 [1 favorite]

The Far Right's solution to everything:

1. Identify problem.
2. Yell at problem.
3. Form commitee
4. Matlock/Nap
posted by KevinSkomsvold at 11:54 AM on December 10, 2008 [2 favorites]

I'm not sure how Charles Johnson, David Horowitz, or Michelle Malkin would or would not comply with your "non-crazy" requirement...

On a scale of one to ten:

1 - Walter Cronkite
4 - Charles Johnson
5 - Me
6.5 - Michelle Malkin
8 - David Horowitz
10 - Jeffrey Dahmer
14 - People who think the pentagon was hit by a missile
36 - People who think the moon landing was faked
127 - People who think Barack Obama was born in Kenya, and then sneaked back into the US as part of a gigantic muslim-communist conspiracy whose members include the head of the Hawaiian health department, Hillary Clinton, John McCain and a yeti.
posted by steambadger at 12:00 PM on December 10, 2008 [8 favorites]

"[I]f the President elect shall have failed to qualify, then the Vice President elect shall act as President until a President shall have qualified."

So, according to the Constitution, how would the condition "qualified President" be satisfied? Election? Appointment? Accession?
posted by goodnewsfortheinsane at 12:02 PM on December 10, 2008 [1 favorite]

Something tells me they don't really want Joe Biden to become president, even for a while.

And if something goes wrong with Biden, say hello to President Pelosi!

They haven't thought this through at all.
posted by Bookhouse at 12:07 PM on December 10, 2008 [3 favorites]

They know the line of succession, but anything is better than the black guy.

Talk about missing the point of America; they'd rather have the white guy that uses the Constitution as toilet paper than the black Constitutional law professor.
posted by Malor at 12:36 PM on December 10, 2008 [4 favorites]

I remember hearing James Carville tell a story about something that happened to him in between election day '92 and the inauguration. He was in an airport somewhere when a guy stopped him and said in no uncertain terms, "We're gonna get your guy." Turns out that guy in the airport was Ken Starr.

No doubt the schemeing has begun...
posted by fingers_of_fire at 12:50 PM on December 10, 2008

er, scheming
posted by fingers_of_fire at 12:51 PM on December 10, 2008

I decided to go to the source on this one and sent a letter to PM Gordon Brown to ask if Obama is a loyal subject of Her Majesty's. I expect clarification any day now.
posted by cjorgensen at 1:10 PM on December 10, 2008

Okay, can someone explain to me what the difference is between those two?

Because honestly, this sounds like the difference between "The People's Front of Judea" and "The Judean People's Front".

A "certificate of live birth" (or "certified birth certificate") is a certified (i.e. via a stamp, seal, signature or some other means) document confirming that the Bureau of Vital Statistics (as it's called in Texas) or other recorder of births--most often a city with a hospital, or a county if there are no cities with hospitals or those cities are too small to bother with an office--contains the information the paper claims. This is not a hand signed birth certificate, as there is only one birth certificate and it is given to the parent(s) when her (their) child's birth is recorded. If the birth was recent enough--as in the case of my kid born just a few years ago--the certificate contains a scanned image of the actual birth certificate, along with a statement of authenticity. However, for births before mass computerization--or before scanners and computers smaller than a phone booth--the "raw facts" of the birth are all that appear.

A "birth certificate" is the actual certificate filled out by the recorder of births and returned to the parents upon their application for such a certificate. It contains the All Mighty Seal of Officiality along with, usually, a signature by the recorder or his deputy and is typewritten. As before, there is only one such certificate and it is held by the parents of the child, the person actually named on the certificate or, most common, is lost to the world at some point because people are bad at keeping track of their important documents.

I have my actual birth certificate, but I'm not nearly crazy enough to let go of it. When I applied for my passport I requested a certified birth certificate from the city in which I was born and sent that off with the application. That certificate is just as valid as my actual birth certificate.
posted by fireoyster at 1:19 PM on December 10, 2008 [1 favorite]

You know so what if Obama isn't an American.

It's not like the last couple bunches of Americans did such a bang-up job. After Bush I'm willing to enlarge the candidate pool to Martians at this point.
posted by tkchrist at 1:27 PM on December 10, 2008 [1 favorite]

Oh, and Esquire: a polite title appended to a man's name when no other title is used, typically in the address of a letter or other documents. In other words, "I ain't got shit to put after my name."

In modern times (well, the modern United States), "esquire" usually means "who, by the way, is a lawyer." My dad doesn't sign an "Esq." after his name, but when third parties refer to him they often stick it on.
posted by decagon at 1:29 PM on December 10, 2008 [1 favorite]

1. Identify problem.
2. Yell at problem.
3. Form commitee
4. Matlock/Nap

5. Convince younger person to invade problem.
6. Bomb problem.
7. Murder She Wrote/Nap
posted by tkchrist at 1:29 PM on December 10, 2008 [1 favorite]

1 - Walter Cronkite
4 - Charles Johnson
5 - Me
6.5 - Michelle Malkin
8 - David Horowitz
10 - Jeffrey Dahmer
14 - People who think the pentagon was hit by a missile
36 - People who think the moon landing was faked
127 - People who think Barack Obama was born in Kenya, and then sneaked back into the US as part of a gigantic muslim-communist conspiracy whose members include the head of the Hawaiian health department, Hillary Clinton, John McCain and a yeti.

Steambadger: you only go up to 127? You're going to need 32 bit values to place young earth creationists on that scale.
posted by fleetmouse at 1:36 PM on December 10, 2008

You're going to need 32 bit values to place young earth creationists on that scale.

Y'know, I was wondering why those guys never showed up. I'm still using the old 8-bit Tandy Whackometer I bought at Radio Shack years ago. It used to be enough...
posted by steambadger at 1:50 PM on December 10, 2008 [6 favorites]

gyc: the "hard right" described in the OP are just a handful of kooks. Most conservatives are pretty embarrassed by their antics.

You mean kooks like Clarence Thomas and Antonin Scalia who rescued the two cases after they were initially rejected by two other supreme court justices?
posted by JackFlash at 2:23 PM on December 10, 2008 [2 favorites]

Isn't all of this a plot to eventually get the door open for Arnold?
posted by Sir BoBoMonkey Pooflinger Esquire III at 3:09 PM on December 10, 2008 [1 favorite]

Isn't all of this a plot to eventually get the door open for Arnold?

No, and assuming you're not just joking it's a very silly thing to suggest. This isn't about removing the natural-born citizen requirement from the Constitution (though personally I'm all for it) This is all about petty racism and partisan vindictiveness, wrapped in an attempt for meaningless voices to get some kind of validation that they're important- if a bunch of bloggers can actually convince the media at large to demand that Obama produce a birth certificate that he's already shown but in a different format, then they know how far they can get, no matter how crazy, just by being whiny little bitches about it.
posted by XQUZYPHYR at 3:25 PM on December 10, 2008 [4 favorites]

Do not fear me, sore losering wingnuts. I only want your tears. If you do not give them to me, I will take them.
posted by mullingitover at 3:55 PM on December 10, 2008

Usurper--you brought her.
posted by Joseph Gurl at 3:56 PM on December 10, 2008 [1 favorite]

I like the way they think being viewed by many Americans as a poseur is a bad thing. It didn't bother them for the last eight years, but suddenly ... !
posted by Michael Roberts at 4:14 PM on December 10, 2008

bjrn....
200 years ago in 1808, America celebrated it's very first Thanksgiving. local Native American tribes indigineous to the east coast pulled up Lovesacs alongside their white saviors, the Colonists, and they all sat about playing Skate or Die together while waiting patiently for the women folk to make a feast worthy of all the patriotism and fireworks being bandied about that day.
After that beautiful dinner (which, historically, can only be compared to the Last Supper in terms of sheer importance) and a delightful performance by Nickelback and Kid Rock, the women brought out desert. Pies, pies, hundreds of pies. Lemon Merangue, Pumpkin, Meat. The table nearly buckled beneath the weight of all the pies. All the men sat quietly, still as statues, their eyes opened wide with sudden understanding and an all-consuming terror.
There was no cake. NO CAKE.

THE CAKE WAS A LIE.

That was the first, biggest, and most worstest hoax of all time.
posted by Bageena at 4:18 PM on December 10, 2008 [4 favorites]

Barack Hussein Obama anagrams out to:

"I, Bush, a Cabana Smoker."

I'm not totally sure what that proves.
posted by jtron at 5:20 PM on December 10, 2008

The Obama presidency and the wingnut reaction to it - the gift that keeps on giving.
posted by nudar at 5:23 PM on December 10, 2008

Let's face it, Great Cthulhu himself would be a step up from Bush ... but that'd be open to challenge on the grounds of "natural", "born", and "Citizen of the United States, at the time of the Adoption of this Constitution".
posted by aeschenkarnos at 6:19 PM on December 10, 2008 [1 favorite]

I remember hearing James Carville tell a story about something that happened to him in between election day '92 and the inauguration. He was in an airport somewhere when a guy stopped him and said in no uncertain terms, "We're gonna get your guy." Turns out that guy in the airport was Ken Starr.

You left out Carville hissing like a reptile, then extending his ovipositor from his distended jaw and depositing eggs in his body.
posted by JHarris at 6:36 PM on December 10, 2008 [4 favorites]

MStPT: So thank you, WorldNetDaily. Maybe you can join forces with Flat Earthers and 9/11 Truthers, and form a Super Dooper Coalition for Democracy and Anti-Masonic Freedom.

Philip J. Berg, Esq. is a well-known 9/11 truther. No word yet on what shape he believes his planet is.

I like saying "ovipositor". Ovipositor, ovipositor, ovipositor.
posted by swell at 7:38 PM on December 10, 2008 [1 favorite]

All the men sat quietly, still as statues, their eyes opened wide with sudden understanding and an all-consuming terror.

the lions, once again, had lost
posted by pyramid termite at 8:27 PM on December 10, 2008 [1 favorite]

There are a group of non-thinking dimwits who get spoon-fed this type of nonsense by right wing talk radio. You can tell who these people are because they all say the same thing, just aping what they heard on the radio. They don't actually stop to think about what they are hearing, which is why they always use exactly the same words and phrases.

In this particular case, the word they always use is 'vault'. It cracks me up because it's like something out of a Get Smart or cheesy James Bond episode.

You'll note I'm not a writer. Nevertheless this is an attempt at showing how I imagine their thought process when they hear about 'the vault'.

Obama walks up the canyon slipping through some rocks to the hidden passageway, leading to a difficult to find cave. Walking in the darkness, he nevertheless knows the right way to go among the many choices of caves within caves. At last he comes to an open clearing. "Obama!" he proclaims. A light shines down from too far above to see, and the rocks part, to reveal... the vault!

He presses a long sequence of buttons on a keypad, and with a hissing of air, the vault slowly opens. The walkway and walls are all dark polished metal. There's a room at the left covered with a clear hard glass wall. "Is it time?" ask the elderly bearded man in the room. "Patience Osama, patience." He walks further until he comes to an enormous safe door like that found in large banks. He quickly spins the dial, back, forth, back again--a full 20 numbers, until finally it clicks. He pulls down a lever and the locks open with a loud 'clunk'. He slowly swings the massive door open. Lights automatically come on. There's a table in the middle of the room, with a piece of official looking paper on it. He breaths a sigh of relief. It is still here. They haven't got to it yet.
posted by eye of newt at 8:38 PM on December 10, 2008 [3 favorites]

OBAMA DID 9/11!!111!!eleven
posted by kcds at 8:29 AM on December 11, 2008

I'm not sure how Charles Johnson, David Horowitz, or Michelle Malkin would or would not comply with your "non-crazy" requirement... but either way, there they are...

Thanks, Sticherbeast. I tried wading into the lava myself, but found 100 batshitinsane sites and none saying anything like those you linked. Appreciated, and encouraging!
posted by rokusan at 10:56 AM on December 11, 2008

[Alan Keyes] wants Obama to prove his natural born citizen status and that Obama has never held citizenship in another country

Since when does citizenship in another country interfere with presidential eligibility? The constitution is mum on the subject. Is there any precedent in the interpretation of "natural-born citizen" that contraindicates dual citizenship?
posted by Zed_Lopez at 11:39 AM on December 11, 2008

Cort Wrotnowski, Applicant v. Susan Bysiewicz, Connecticut Secretary of State ... denied.

This was the one similar to the previously denied Donofrio case and was looked over in conference this last Friday.
posted by Orb at 11:33 AM on December 15, 2008