A Disturbing Trend

December 11, 2008 11:28 PM

I can't tell if I should be amused (no videos found) or disturbed by the multitude of Barbie sex videos on Youtube (All links NSFW!) MLYT
posted by martinc6 (21 comments total)

I thought that's what Barbie dolls were for.

I think I mentioned here before that one of my friends had a theory about Barbie and women's sexuality.

See. we all had multiple Barbie dolls. Maybe Skipper,but mostly just Barbie.
If there was a Ken doll around, there was maybe just one.

One of the natural things to do with Barbies, since they were the only toy that roughly approximated the nude, mature human form, was to make them have sex.

Her thinking was that because we had Barbie to experiment with, women were more comforble with bisexuality and homosexuality than men. (I don't know if y'all made your GI Joe's bump uglies asexual plastic mounds - I'm sure you won't tell me.)

Anyway, it makes sense to me. Although my most vivid memory of playing with Barbie as kid was melting her head to a lightbulb and almost starting a fire.

As an adult, I did make Barbie "anatomically correct" with the assistance of a Dremel tool. Alas, Porn Star Babie was meltered in a house fire.

So, um ..I can't tell if you should be amused or disturbed either. I would say amused, but I'm maybe not the best person to ask. Talk to that normal person over there.
posted by louche mustachio at 11:54 PM on December 11, 2008 [7 favorites]

I can't tell if I should be amused or disturbed by Louche Mustachio.
posted by nudar at 12:06 AM on December 12, 2008 [5 favorites]

Usually, when Barbie finally got to do the nasty with Ken, after all the a-mwa-mwa-uh-ooh "Oh Felicity, you taste so goood" (or Madison or whatever you thought was the BEST NAME) face-knocking and outright smushing, if you had a good co-smusher, and after the totally least sexy undressing ritual a doll could model, we just left them laying on each other for a while and went and ate a fruit-roll up wrapped around our thumbs and sucked while watching Duck Tales, just left them parked there, getting cold under Barbie's crappy bedspread. 8 year olds don't know much about cunnilingus, apparently.

To this day, if you get me in bed, I get terrible cravings for fruit roll-ups. Wrapped around my thumb. Apricot.
posted by Ambrosia Voyeur at 12:09 AM on December 12, 2008 [1 favorite]

I suspect a big motivation for creating and posting those videos is just to tweak Mattel. They are notoriously straight-laced about this kind of thing.
posted by Class Goat at 12:13 AM on December 12, 2008

Okay, just watched every single video. Aaaaand gonna go ahead and flag. This is dull. Grown men? Tres inauthentique!
posted by Ambrosia Voyeur at 12:22 AM on December 12, 2008

I can tell.
posted by pracowity at 12:25 AM on December 12, 2008

Veljko Zejak - Sex Machine
(cycled endlessly through many positions... totally hypnotic)
posted by jcruelty at 12:29 AM on December 12, 2008

I remember a friend of mine had one GI Joe that she had managed to steal from her twin brother. We called him 'Cross-Dressing Ken' because we didn't have enough GI clothes to fit him and so just put him into the ugly dresses that we didn't want to have the Barbies wear.
posted by sperose at 12:30 AM on December 12, 2008

I didn't RTFA because I was hoping to learn the MLYT acronym (may link to youtube?).
But yeah with all the grandkids bringing their toys over to Granny's house, you'd think there'd be more GI-Joes there.
Interesting theory. Might RTFA.
posted by hypersloth at 12:47 AM on December 12, 2008 [1 favorite]

Feel somewhat more normal now. I didn't have a Barbie house, but I had a kind of babydoll cradle we converted into a soap opera fantasy Barbie penthouse suite. Most of my friends wanted to play fashion show with their Barbies, but a friend of mine and I used to have Barbie dates, including kissing and dancing. She kissed me when we were a little older, but it was in a kind of sweet, confused Mormon girl kissing a good friend sorta way. My Barbie date friend, that is, not Barbie herself. One of our other friends found out about the Barbie dates and started saying we were weird for playing like that, so we swiped some Star Wars figurines and had our Barbies start going out with Han Solo, Luke Skywalker and Boba Fett.
posted by Grrlscout at 1:36 AM on December 12, 2008

I for one love this post! They were all at least mildly amusing, some extremely amusing. True it gets old quick, but the thought that this sort of thing might exist is of course an obvious one, but not one that would occur naturally in a healthy normal brain. The Distu one is especially fantastic. Crossing Barbi with Gollum and then having evil sex?
Hah! Thank you Internet!
posted by GoingToShopping at 2:03 AM on December 12, 2008

Thirteen year old boys are posting videos to youtube now? Woah, no way.
posted by mattoxic at 2:30 AM on December 12, 2008

Did this cover any sophmoric, comedic ground that Team America missed?
posted by BrotherCaine at 3:35 AM on December 12, 2008

We used to play barbies all the time, for years, but never once, not once, did the barbies have sex. We were angelic children.
posted by Hildegarde at 4:15 AM on December 12, 2008

@louche mustachio-- Jan? Is that you?
posted by nax at 4:27 AM on December 12, 2008

I don't know much about dirty barbies, but my kids love the youtube Thomas the Tank Engine snuff movies
posted by bystander at 4:37 AM on December 12, 2008

Guess you all have seen Zombie Barbie already. But yeah, Barbie sex videos on the internet, not at all surprising.
posted by Restless Day at 5:01 AM on December 12, 2008

Female seeking Male: Me: long blonde plastic hair, thin but curves in all the right places, right ear slightly burned. I'm an independent woman. Own my own Dream House™ and pink corvette. Seeking equally plastic male with no genitalia for possible YouTubery.
posted by KevinSkomsvold at 5:37 AM on December 12, 2008 [1 favorite]

If this was from Japan is would be completely normal.
posted by Mastercheddaar at 5:39 AM on December 12, 2008 [1 favorite]

"Barbie is a whore"? Yeah, flagged.
posted by Jofus at 5:39 AM on December 12, 2008

Barbie and Ken had a lot to do with shaping (or, at the very least, recognizing) my sexuality. I'm male, incidentally, but all my siblings and most of my friends were female. Consequently, I was the Ken on a nearly daily basis. This involved dressing him up, which necessitated denuding him to the shiny vinyl. It was an enjoyable pastime.

You have no idea how frustrated I was when, circa 1987, Mattel started moulding Ken's smooth area into non-removable briefs. It was less disturbing on the one hand -- there was the new possibility that he might actually have genitals -- but it just felt like such a tease.

It's probably worth noting that Barbie (i.e. Bild Lili) was originally marketed to adult men: She was originally marketed to adults in bars and tobacco shops as a joke or gag gift. Many parents considered her not appropriate for children. Ariel Levy refers to her as a "sex doll" in Female Chauvinist Pigs. A German brochure from the 1950s states that Lilli was "always discreet," and that her wardrobe made her "the star of every bar."
posted by Sys Rq at 6:17 AM on December 12, 2008