You're so fat, you make a capybara look like an African pygmy mouse!

December 15, 2008 1:00 PM

Fuck You, Penguin.A blogger tells cute animals what's what. (Slightly NSFW - profanities in text.)
posted by wretched_rhapsody (53 comments total)

"Swans are nature's Porsche drivers"
posted by rageagainsttherobots at 1:07 PM on December 15, 2008 [2 favorites has favorites]

♪ The animals, the animals... ♪
posted by Wolfdog at 1:10 PM on December 15, 2008

Funny stuff. Although I worry about an impending lolcat-scale meme based on this one.
posted by pivotal at 1:11 PM on December 15, 2008

Bless the Beasts and the Children.
posted by hermitosis at 1:12 PM on December 15, 2008

This is going in the RSS reader right next to Cute Overload. Gotta have equal airtime, so to speak.
posted by backseatpilot at 1:12 PM on December 15, 2008

http://horsehater.blogspot.com/
same guy?
posted by aquanaut at 1:16 PM on December 15, 2008

Frankie Wilde tells a cute animal what's what.
posted by gman at 1:16 PM on December 15, 2008

LOUD NOISES [/brick]
posted by billysumday at 1:18 PM on December 15, 2008

Bless the Beasts and the Children.

What a beautiful singing voice Karen Carpenter had!
posted by ericb at 1:19 PM on December 15, 2008

A little repetitious, but some excellent one liners.

Two paws up.
posted by tkolar at 1:22 PM on December 15, 2008

That mother fucker says one word about dolphins and he gets stabbed in the neck.
posted by The Straightener at 1:26 PM on December 15, 2008 [4 favorites has favorites]

(Slightly NSFW - profanities in text.)

You, uh, know there's a profanity in your link text as well, right? So the link text is just as NSFW as the link...
posted by atbash at 1:29 PM on December 15, 2008

You'd best get to stabbin', The Straightener.
posted by Faint of Butt at 1:31 PM on December 15, 2008

So uh... when will it be common knowledge that Orcas are the jerks of the sea?
posted by giraffe at 1:31 PM on December 15, 2008

Oh, and it's on, bitch! I will take all your bananas, and raid your fridge for sunflower seed butter. YEAH!
posted by giraffe at 1:37 PM on December 15, 2008 [1 favorite has favorites]

I feel so much better now.
posted by The Light Fantastic at 1:39 PM on December 15, 2008

THAT FUCK.
posted by The Straightener at 1:43 PM on December 15, 2008

Even though he was relatively nice in the SNL skit, I couldn't help but hear these comments in a Mark Whalberg Talks to Animals voice.
posted by abc123xyzinfinity at 1:43 PM on December 15, 2008 [2 favorites has favorites]

Although I worry about an impending lolcat-scale meme based on this one.

pivotal, that actually seems derivative, in the vein of The Singing Shark.

Two great things that go great together.
posted by vsync at 1:49 PM on December 15, 2008 [1 favorite has favorites]

While we are at it: Fuck you wretched_rhapsody with your FPP that made me laugh and now I have to take the time to share the link with all my friends. Who do you think you are with your interesting content and your "8 users who marked this as a favorite"? I have my eye on you wretched_rhapsody.
posted by jlowen at 2:04 PM on December 15, 2008

> Even though he was relatively nice in the SNL skit, I couldn't help but hear these comments in a Mark Whalberg Talks to Animals voice. I am so very, very glad I’m not the only one.
posted by sidesh0w at 2:11 PM on December 15, 2008

You gotta admit, that anteater's got some serious chutzpah. I'm glad someone out there is making sure these folks don't get too full of themselves. TURN IT DOWN A NOTCH, BABY CHICKS.
posted by grubi at 2:16 PM on December 15, 2008

I really miss the JustALittleGuy blog. That was hilarious.
http://justalittleguy.blogspot.com/2005_10_01_archive.html

I also wish CuteOverlord had done more with that good concept.
posted by Capybara at 2:39 PM on December 15, 2008 [3 favorites has favorites]

Metafilter: Get a load of this douchebag.
posted by MiltonRandKalman at 2:59 PM on December 15, 2008

Me personally, I wouldn't be caught dead with a fucking swan.

It can get pretty embarrassing when you are out with your swan friends, and all of a sudden they start getting it on in public. I just generally walk away and pretend I don't know them.


"Fuck you, I'm an anteater" was new to me, and funny as hell.
posted by quin at 3:10 PM on December 15, 2008 [1 favorite has favorites]

Trash Talkin' at the Aquarium: Wut up, tortoise? You think you're all that 'cause you can swim really well and stuff? Well, sorry to disappoint you, son, but I can swim really well, too. Sucka. I need to wear water wings, on account I'm scared of deep water, but that's still swimming. So bite me, fool.
posted by jammy at 3:12 PM on December 15, 2008

Although I worry about an impending lolcat-scale meme based on this one.

The impudent anteater has been everywhere for the past two years now. As for the rest of the blog, it's funny in small doses - reading multiple pages makes the jokes kind of blur together - although I did like it when he told the red panda "STOP TAKING UP SO MUCH MEMORY WHEN I OPEN MULTIPLE TABS".
posted by Marisa Stole the Precious Thing at 3:12 PM on December 15, 2008

eponysterical
posted by liza at 3:19 PM on December 15, 2008

Oh. I get it. He swears at pictures of cute animals where normally people don't. That's like that thing I do where I call peoples babies ugly and stupid.
posted by tkchrist at 3:29 PM on December 15, 2008 [2 favorites has favorites]

But babies are ugly and stupid. What you do is just common sense.
posted by quin at 3:41 PM on December 15, 2008 [2 favorites has favorites]

DO NEVER FUCK WIF TEH ANIMALS



u will b sk00l3d
posted by potsmokinghippieoverlord at 3:47 PM on December 15, 2008

ALSO
posted by potsmokinghippieoverlord at 3:54 PM on December 15, 2008

But babies are ugly and stupid. What you do is just common sense.

That's what I have always thought.

People go on and on about their babies. And eventually i got just bring back down to earth.

"Can little Zach parallel park a car?"

"No. Of course not."

"He CAN'T? What about not poo his self? Can he do that?"

"No..."

"JEBUS! My dog can do that!"

"But he's little..."

"And look at that drool and crusted... what? Boogers or something? Damn kid. You know you got shit all over your face, don't you? Wipe that shit off your face!"

"He can't understa..."

"He's been here nearly two years and he can't speak the language?! What a stoopid little revolting creature. Why on earth do keep it?"
posted by tkchrist at 4:13 PM on December 15, 2008 [5 favorites has favorites]

MetaFilter The Internet: Slightly NSFW - profanities in text.
posted by rokusan at 5:22 PM on December 15, 2008

Can we get Yucko the Clown to read the text aloud?
posted by Devils Rancher at 5:23 PM on December 15, 2008

that is the internetist thing i have ever seen
posted by debbie_ann at 5:40 PM on December 15, 2008 [2 favorites has favorites]

internetest
posted by debbie_ann at 5:40 PM on December 15, 2008 [2 favorites has favorites]

Maybe it's just because I've been watching 30 Rock on my Ipod all day, but when I read the guy's tirades against cute animals, all I could hear was Tracy Morgan's voice as Brian Fellows. It made it so funny I had to stop reading it because everyone in the cube farm around me kept staring at me.
posted by Bageena at 5:57 PM on December 15, 2008 [1 favorite has favorites]

"That bird is not Brian Fellows!". Oh, how I miss that character.
posted by ThePinkSuperhero at 6:18 PM on December 15, 2008 [2 favorites has favorites]

I just gave my cat the finger. DO THE FUCKING DISHES FOR ONCE, YOU FAT LOAF.
posted by louche mustachio at 7:40 PM on December 15, 2008 [3 favorites has favorites]

I cannot find audio of Dom Irrera getting tough with his own pet - his own pet! But it happened. And he's reflective about it.
posted by Lesser Shrew at 8:15 PM on December 15, 2008

"Hold Up That Fucking Cubs Shit ... Fuck Them"

I think Rod Blagojevich's wife would like this blog.
posted by Kronos_to_Earth at 8:18 PM on December 15, 2008 [1 favorite has favorites]

This is another of those great ideas I wish I'd had.
posted by yhbc at 8:54 PM on December 15, 2008

Just because you are holding bamboo doesn't make you a panda, BELIEVE ME, I'VE TRIED.
posted by l33tpolicywonk at 9:17 PM on December 15, 2008

This post about swearing at animals reminds me of a story my friend told me:

He was at home one Saturday and all of a sudden he could hear his neighbor yelling next door, "That is IT! I am sick and tired of your shit! You are always doing this to me! Why don't you just FUCK OFF." My friend was a little concerned because he knew it was a couple living next door and the guy was getting REALLY pissed off. All of a sudden he hears the neighbor's front door open, slam shut, the guy gets in his car and speeds away. My friend hesitates, wondering if he should meddle and peeks out his window.

He then realizes that the next door driveway has no cars parked, which means that the girlfriend wasn't home either. So who was the neighbor yelling at and how come he's the one that left?

Turns out the neighbor's cat had ate his dinner while he was in the bathroom. He had to drive to the pub for dinner.

His cat has 3 legs.
posted by like_neon at 1:38 AM on December 16, 2008 [11 favorites has favorites]

Previously.
posted by bigtex at 2:15 AM on December 16, 2008

Friend of mine was once an assistant manager at a Kmart-esque local variety store, back when those joints still sold small animals. One day, he encountered a little boy standing in front of the fish tanks, pointing at various fish and saying, "You're fired! You're fired!"

"And that goes for you too, turtle!"
posted by FelliniBlank at 3:23 AM on December 16, 2008 [2 favorites has favorites]

Needs to be turned into screamo songs in the reverse manner of Parry Gripp.
posted by Potomac Avenue at 7:59 AM on December 16, 2008

Animals think they're pretty smart.
posted by felix grundy at 8:20 AM on December 16, 2008

The baby seal is the reason the American Dream is ruined? Hey what about all of the seals that have died for Anna Wintour's wardrobe!
posted by johannahdeschanel at 11:14 AM on December 16, 2008

Fuck you, penguin

Yeah, the US federal government feels the same way (kinda).
posted by salvia at 11:44 PM on December 17, 2008

Uh oh ...
posted by maudlin at 5:58 PM on January 4

Fuck You, Fuck You, Penguin
posted by homunculus at 8:54 PM on January 4