Hot Trobbing Cognition
December 19, 2008 4:21 PM   Subscribe

Intelligent Design: Semen Quality linked to intelligence say researchers from the Vietnam Experience Study.
posted by The Whelk (30 comments total) 5 users marked this as a favorite

 
I can't speak for everyone else, but I know that my Vietnam Experience...

Oh never mind.
posted by rokusan at 4:25 PM on December 19, 2008 [1 favorite]


Isn't fertility on the decline in developing countries? Logically, shouldn't we then be seeing rises in birth defects/declines in intelligence with the rise of modernity?
posted by tybeet at 4:25 PM on December 19, 2008


Semen Quality linked to intelligence

I guess we do think with our dicks after all...
posted by jonmc at 4:30 PM on December 19, 2008 [3 favorites]


That's right, boys, it's not enough to be concerned about your looks, your wallet, or your wit. Now you've got to have the correct spermatozoa motility and concentration as well. Otherwise, you'll be leaving the bars empty-handed, so to speak.

I predict home testing kits, nutrition supplements and tween pop songs devoted to this new mating metric.
posted by infinitewindow at 4:33 PM on December 19, 2008


tybeet: how are those two related? Did you mean "developed" or "industrialized" countries? And if so, were you implying that the 3rd world nations / developing countries have a higher rate of birth defects and less intelligence? Because the birth rate are typically higher in poorer, less educated countries.
posted by filthy light thief at 4:34 PM on December 19, 2008


Otherwise, you'll be leaving the bars empty-handed, so to speak.

The bars?! Have these become places where people go to find a partner for conception? I always thought avoiding that was a mandatory part of the milieu.

Also, avoiding words like "milieu".
posted by Durn Bronzefist at 4:36 PM on December 19, 2008


"Your mindless sperm aren't impressing me, (and I)
I must confess, want to see (want to seeeee)
Your IntelliStickTM ratings on the climb
Give me a sign, impress me baby one more time"
posted by filthy light thief at 4:42 PM on December 19, 2008


"Honest Baby, she means nothing to me, it was just Quality Control testing!"

Otherwise, you'll be leaving the bars empty-handed, so to speak.

Well, empty handed until you get home and fire up the DVD player anyway...
posted by MikeMc at 4:45 PM on December 19, 2008


That article confused me.

Some people ask us how we can measure intelligence. Apparently the answer is that beauty is hard to measure, too, but we know it when we see it. So here's five IQ tests...
posted by Durn Bronzefist at 4:52 PM on December 19, 2008


That's right, boys, it's not enough to be concerned about your looks, your wallet, or your wit. Now you've got to have the correct spermatozoa motility and concentration as well.

Oh, yeah, geez, our lot in life as guys is so difficult what with all those societally-imposed expectations and all.
posted by dersins at 5:01 PM on December 19, 2008 [1 favorite]


Now you've got to have the correct spermatozoa motility and concentration as well.

Move over Whizzinator there's a new fluid dispensing prosthetic penis in town.
posted by MikeMc at 5:06 PM on December 19, 2008


Insist on quality, I always say. I usually have the sommelier pour me a bit and give me the dick to sniff before I invest in a whole bottle of sperm.
posted by not_on_display at 5:13 PM on December 19, 2008 [4 favorites]


These half-assed correlation studies are so stupid I bet the authors couldn't pass the Hamster zona-free ovum test.
posted by benzenedream at 5:45 PM on December 19, 2008 [1 favorite]


Smart blokes ensure that sperm quality isn't relevant.
posted by pompomtom at 5:51 PM on December 19, 2008 [1 favorite]


Say that reminds me, how'd you get that kid so darn fast? Me and Dot went in to adopt on account a' somethin' went wrong with my semen, and they said we had to wait five years for a healthy white baby. I said, "Healthy white baby? Five years? What else you got?" Said they got two Koreans and a negra born with his heart on the outside. It's a crazy world.

Someone oughta sell tickets.

Sure, I'd buy one.
guess it's what they call a "way homer"
posted by Smedleyman at 6:01 PM on December 19, 2008


Purity of essence...
posted by Asparagirl at 6:05 PM on December 19, 2008


These half-assed correlation studies are so stupid I bet the authors couldn't pass the Hamster zona-free ovum test.

I love it when I discover new insults.
posted by The Whelk at 6:10 PM on December 19, 2008 [2 favorites]


Well given how my intelligence plays out on MeFi I'm going to want to take that semen back seconds after it has arrived.
posted by bonaldi at 6:15 PM on December 19, 2008


I will opt to keep my hilarious border collie-related comment to myself and point out this excellent piece of reporting from their sidebar there.
posted by Wolfdog at 6:18 PM on December 19, 2008


"Semen Quality"? Is that like when you can do chicks without a condom and they don't get pregnant?
posted by dgaicun at 6:56 PM on December 19, 2008


point out this excellent piece of reporting from their sidebar there.

Unfortunately for McIntosh, who confesses to not being a heavy metal fan, the research involved attending several heavy metal concerts of bands including Motley Crue, Ozzy Osbourne and Motorhead to identify the most popular head-banging techniques and better understand the biomechanics of the movement.

This "research" is obviously flawed as any self respecting metalhead knows that there is no proper headbanging music to be found at an Ozzy or Crue concert (unless performed by the opening act). And the best technique is the "windmill" BTW.
posted by MikeMc at 7:17 PM on December 19, 2008 [1 favorite]


I like to think I've proved my intelligence by not having children.
posted by Panjandrum at 10:05 PM on December 19, 2008


I've tried explaining to my wife that mine is just as good as Creme de la Mer, but she's not having any of it...
posted by dowcrag at 10:47 PM on December 19, 2008


What's the sperm count of those researchers, I wonder?

I kid - I didn't read the article - I'm sure it's a very nice scientific study, what with the measuring of intelligence, and the measuring of semen.
posted by Salvor Hardin at 11:24 PM on December 19, 2008


So roughly healthy men are healthy? Go figure.
posted by srboisvert at 4:58 AM on December 20, 2008


Why am I the first to note that the title "Hot Trobbing Cognition" is casting serious doubt on the bounce, brio, dash, élan, esprit, life, pertness, sparkle, spirit, verve, and vigor of The Whelk's sperm? Now I'm beginning to wonder about all of you.
posted by taz at 5:02 AM on December 20, 2008


Thanks Dad!
posted by R. Mutt at 6:11 AM on December 20, 2008


filthy light thief: Sorry - by "developing" countries I meant developed (go figure - the confusion completely clouded my point).

Tipped off myself by another FPP, I was drawing attention to reports that sperm count has been on the decline in industrialized nations especially.

If this is the case, shouldn't we be seeing a rise in birth defects (or a decline in intelligence) coinciding with this ubiquitous decline in sperm quality, if there's any causal connection to be considered from this FPP?
posted by tybeet at 6:54 AM on December 20, 2008


Why am I the first to note that the title "Hot Trobbing Cognition" is casting serious doubt on the bounce, brio, dash, élan, esprit, life, pertness, sparkle, spirit, verve, and vigor of The Whelk's sperm?


The original headline was Mensa Mojo.
posted by The Whelk at 8:48 AM on December 20, 2008


The subjects of the study all seem to be Vietnam vets.

Vietnam-- you know, that little country we dumped millions of gallons of dioxin contaminated Agent Orange and other herbicides on, and then ordered our soldiers to go in and fight there.

And Agent Orange is a neurotoxin and causes birth defects in the children of exposed fathers. It also messes up the sperm of those who are exposed to it.

So, of course you're going to see reduced intelligence correlated with poor quality sperm in a population with varying levels of exposure to that kind of toxin, but you have to wonder what the hell the researchers' excuse is.
posted by jamjam at 1:36 PM on December 20, 2008


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