Science: How About Some Kenny Loggins Instead?

December 19, 2008 9:32 PM

The conclusion of a research paper by associate professor Andrew McIntosh and research assistant Declan Patton of the School of Risk and Safety Sciences, University of New South Wales, Sydney, Australia: "To minimise the risk of head and neck injury, head bangers should decrease their range of head and neck motion, head bang to slower tempo songs by replacing heavy metal with adult oriented rock, only head bang to every second beat, or use personal protective equipment." (Via)
posted by Marisa Stole the Precious Thing (31 comments total)

case in point; Herniated disc took him out this year, too apparently.
posted by troy at 9:42 PM on December 19, 2008

Yeah, they should really read this if they value their precious spines!

Though exposure to head banging is enormous, opportunities are present to control this risk—for example, encouraging bands such as AC/DC to play songs like "Moon River" as a substitute for "Highway to Hell"; public awareness campaigns with influential and youth focused musicians, such as Sir Cliff Richard; labelling of music packaging with anti-head banging warnings, like the strategies used with cigarettes; training; and personal protective equipment.

....waaaait a minute.
posted by jokeefe at 10:03 PM on December 19, 2008

I like the idea of training to headbang correctly. This shit's gonna be the next kickboxing.
posted by nebulawindphone at 10:07 PM on December 19, 2008 [1 favorite]

I think that the conclusions are well-intentioned, but will fall on deaf ears.
Probably because they didn't turn the volume down like that other study told them to do.
posted by demiurge at 10:08 PM on December 19, 2008 [8 favorites]

Until someone proves headbanging gave Chuck Schuldiner cancer, I say fuck off! And anyone encouraging a band like AC/DC to play slower songs is encouraging me to throw rocks at them ... and fire .... maybe even flaming rocks!

...like the strategies used with cigarettes; training; and personal protective equipment.

Yeah, because those worked so fucking well. *lights up*
posted by Dark Messiah at 10:10 PM on December 19, 2008 [2 favorites]

"Participants: Head bangers."
posted by grimmelm at 10:14 PM on December 19, 2008

Shut the fuck up
posted by Demogorgon at 10:25 PM on December 19, 2008 [1 favorite]

...like the strategies used with cigarettes; training; and personal protective equipment.

Yeah, because those worked so fucking well. *lights up*

Now that you mention it, personal protective equipment for cigarettes would be awesome too. Maybe some sort of sprinkler system?
posted by nebulawindphone at 10:26 PM on December 19, 2008 [4 favorites]

Those puzzled should check out the whole Christmas issue, including:

• Rugby (the religion of Wales) and its influence on the Catholic church: should Pope Benedict XVI be worried?
• Not becoming a communist doctor
• Back to the future: emergency departments and ancient Greek warfare

posted by claudius at 11:08 PM on December 19, 2008

Bang the Head Slowly.
posted by Fuzzy Skinner at 11:28 PM on December 19, 2008 [2 favorites]

Your Ig Nobel is in the mail.
posted by breath at 12:12 AM on December 20, 2008 [1 favorite]

I liked this article from the same edition but that could just be because the word 'mangle' amuses me.

I like dry doctor humour.
posted by h00py at 12:42 AM on December 20, 2008

I used to headbang a lot when I was fifteen years younger. I am now stupider than I used to be, and have trouble with my neck and spine, leading to upper back pain and numbness to the ring finger of my left hand. Coincidence? I think not!
posted by moonbiter at 1:14 AM on December 20, 2008

People disagree about the medical consequences, but they shouldn't bang heads over this.
posted by twoleftfeet at 2:38 AM on December 20, 2008

careful
posted by netbros at 4:02 AM on December 20, 2008 [1 favorite]

I'm with jokeefe - it's satire. :)
posted by -harlequin- at 5:20 AM on December 20, 2008

I've heard that Japanoi Tretching can cause a crippling throwing star addiction.
posted by Blazecock Pileon at 5:24 AM on December 20, 2008 [1 favorite]

Man, I can not wait for the exercise video to come out.

I can come up with umpteen playlists for this already, but I think Warpigs by Sabbath would be a pretty comprehensive workout with a nice varying tempo for the headbanging.
posted by slimepuppy at 5:58 AM on December 20, 2008

Man, I can not wait for the exercise video to come out.

It came out years ago.
posted by The Straightener at 6:27 AM on December 20, 2008

Metal health will drive you mad give you whiplash.
posted by the_bone at 7:26 AM on December 20, 2008

Even though it's a satire, they got their history right; those drunken college students at that Zep concert in boston invented the wheel ( unlike these french idiots in 1969). Of course, the most injuries I ever saw a concert had to be Pantera at Hamerjacks in Baltimore ('91 or '92 ?). People were diving off the 2nd floor balcony on to the pit and stage, they had security guards standing shoulder to shoulder across the whole front of the stage who would fling stage divers way back into the pit. When I left, I realized two things: hair metal was dead and there was a lot of ambulances waiting outside.
posted by 445supermag at 7:31 AM on December 20, 2008

As someone who needed a trip to the emergency room after enjoying Slayer's "War Ensemble" a bit too much, I find nothing amusing in any of this.
posted by Joe Beese at 7:56 AM on December 20, 2008 [1 favorite]

Huh. So they weren't kidding.
posted by 1adam12 at 8:39 AM on December 20, 2008

Perhaps the way my tastes have evolved from speed metal towards funeral doom over the years is due to some kind of protective instinct. I've already adopted a bunch of these recommendations.
posted by nowonmai at 9:19 AM on December 20, 2008

To investigate the risks of mild traumatic brain injury

Yeah, I maintain that this occurs with everyone who listens to heavy metal.
posted by grapefruitmoon at 9:44 AM on December 20, 2008

..leading to upper back pain and numbness to the ring finger of my left hand.

I had a similar problem, but once I was divorced the pain in my finger went away!! Coincidence..not likely.
posted by Mojojojo at 9:57 AM on December 20, 2008 [1 favorite]

So I broke into my new car
with a wire coathanger
Hot wire, hot wheels and "Suzy is a Headbanger"
posted by porn in the woods at 10:59 AM on December 20, 2008

Perhaps the way my tastes have evolved from speed metal towards funeral doom over the years is due to some kind of protective instinct. I've already adopted a bunch of these recommendations.

Yeah, it's hard to hurt yourself headbanging to 20BPM...

That said, I loves me some Electric Wizard.
posted by Dark Messiah at 12:10 PM on December 20, 2008

NEVER!!!!!
posted by hellslinger at 3:10 PM on December 20, 2008

I'm pretty sure I saw this story in a Channel 9 News teaser a few days ago. I didn't watch the Channel 9 6 o'clock News that night but the teaser didn't have any mention of satire.

One detail I noticed at the time of the teaser was that the proponents of this study reportedly recommended artists like Celine Dion instead of rock and roll. Maybe that should have piqued my suspicion.
posted by quosimosaur at 8:12 PM on December 20, 2008

Hah, dag, I was just sent a link to a CNN video about this, and looked up the article. I thought, "This must already be on MeFi, but lemme check..." because of this paragraph:

We can also use the theoretical model to estimate the injury levels to two of the greatest head bangers, Beavis and Butt-head. When head banging at a tempo of 164 beats per minute to "I Wanna be Sedated" the range of motion of Beavis’ head and neck is about 45°, which is below any injury threshold of both the head and neck injury criteria. Butt-head, however, preferred to head bang with a range of motion of about 75°. This activity is below any Neck Injury Criteron threshold, but level one head injuries are predicted by the Head Injury Criterion, with the symptoms being headaches and dizziness. It is well understood, however, that cartoon characters are able to tolerate greater than normal impacts without injury. Another legendary pair of head bangers, Wayne and Garth, head bang to "Bohemian Rhapsody" at 138 beats per minute with a range of movement of about 45°. Because of the low range of movement, no injuries were predicted by either the head or neck injury criteria, though the characters in the back seat of the car demonstrated a noticeably larger range of motion and might be at risk of head or neck injury.

Thanks for posting this, MStPT! SCIENCE!!
posted by not_on_display at 4:43 PM on December 22, 2008