#7. Alton Brown doesn't reduce sauces. He demoralizes sauces.
#9. Alton Brown's blender has four speeds: 'stir', 'mix', 'frappe', and 'plasmify'.
#20. Alton Brown's cakes don't rise. They ascend.
#23. Alton Brown doesn't whip potatoes. Alton Brown's potatoes whip themselves, if they know what's good for them.
#24. Alton Brown's other car is the Wienermobile.
#36. In Alton Brown's fridge, the open boxes of baking soda aren't thrown out when they're through absorbing odors. They go straight to the Louvre.
#40. Alton Brown's fudge brownies aren't simply dark and rich. Alton Brown's fudge brownies actually exert a mild gravitational pull.
#41. Gordon Ramsay calls Alton Brown 'sir'.
#46. Alton Brown doesn't use deodorant. Alton Brown brushes down with olive oil.
#54. Alton Brown owns the fastest mixer in existence. When he runs it in reverse, time flows backwards.
#55. The Eskimos have fifty words for 'snow'. Alton Brown has fifty words for 'kosher salt'.
Additional Situations During Which Sting May Be 'Watching You'
Every leaf you rake
Every limp handshake
On your coffee break
When your bunions ache
During Rikki Lake
At your next clambake
Note: I really felt like throwing a 'When you cheat on your taxes' or 'While you're sleeping' in there, but I thought it might be a little much.
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