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How much of what you read can you trust?
December 25, 2008 5:37 PM   Subscribe

Dave's Web of Lies. There is a lot of information available on the World Wide Web. Not all of it is as it seems. Everywhere you look there is out-of-date information, popular misconceptions, and even mistruths presented as fact. Random lie is your friend.

Sadly, selling gin in marmalade jars to old ladies is now outlawed in parts of York and Manchester.
posted by netbros (41 comments total) 7 users marked this as a favorite

 
The Chinese-born cellist Yo-Yo Ma changed his name from Yo Ma-Ma after he found that many Americans took offense when he introduced himself.
posted by netbros at 6:11 PM on December 25, 2008 [3 favorites]


Chuck Norris has no favorite flavor of Girl Scout Cookie.
posted by bugmuncher at 6:30 PM on December 25, 2008


Those caught eating After Eight Mints at or before 8:00 PM are subject to a fine of no less than $250.
posted by dunkadunc at 6:36 PM on December 25, 2008


True love is real.
posted by shadytrees at 6:45 PM on December 25, 2008


Humans are actually born with two tongues; one generally loses the second, rudimentary one after a period of breastfeeding or any kind of repeated suckling by the infant. People who still have their second tongue are known as bilinguals.

The word "turkey" -- as in the bird -- derives from "turnkey" because they are produced to be oven-ready.

In the US state of Montana there is no legal definition of a "dozen", making it legal for as few as four eggs to be sold as "a dozen". However, in 1976 a federal law was passed mandating that an error margin be stated on the packaging, leading to the state's well-known chain of "Give or Take" stores.

Conor Oberst is in fact a huge Art Garfunkel fan; before making fame with his hallmark bleeding-heart emo folk, he recorded an entire album of Simon & Garfunkel covers on a cassette recorder.

When people say "Belgium" they generally refer to a geographical area between Lille and Maastricht that has no well-defined borders, no government, and actually very few people. It would be technically more correct to say "the very north of France" or "Holland's deep south", but Europeans have maintained this legal fiction so as not to offend the region's few inhabitants, and out of fear of yet another European war. The charade even goes so far as to seat the European Union's capital in the village of Brussels, which is a ghost town apart from EU institutions, a couple of sprout farms and an elderly comic book artist or two. The special status of the so-called "Belgium" is enshrined in the EU's little-known Mesen Treaty.
posted by goodnewsfortheinsane at 6:56 PM on December 25, 2008 [6 favorites]


This thread is very funny so far.
posted by eyeballkid at 7:00 PM on December 25, 2008 [4 favorites]


Lipst...oh, never mind.

Man, that array of award badges takes me back. I wonder if I still have my "high 5 award" graphic saved anywhere.
posted by maxwelton at 7:03 PM on December 25, 2008


we found the wmds
posted by pyramid termite at 7:23 PM on December 25, 2008


Your Potential. Our Passion. Microsoft

Our Client's Interests Always Come First: Goldman Sachs

Raising the Bar: Cingular

The Difference is Dell

Prestigious IT Jobs: Jobs Consulting

GE: We bring good things to life

I just saved a bunch of money on my car insurance by switching to GEICO

A Diamond is Forever: DeBeers

The World Puts Its Stock in US: NYSE
posted by terranova at 7:36 PM on December 25, 2008 [1 favorite]


Yay! I remember the Web of Lies from the dark ages of the web. For years I've quoted their splash-lie, "women are twelve times more radioactive than men."
posted by moonmilk at 7:45 PM on December 25, 2008


The United States Does Not Torture.
posted by empath at 7:54 PM on December 25, 2008 [2 favorites]


The United States Does Not Torture.

I bet you're a blast at parties.
posted by Mr. President Dr. Steve Elvis America at 8:08 PM on December 25, 2008 [1 favorite]


I am wearing pants.
posted by goatdog at 8:15 PM on December 25, 2008


Journalism is an honourable profession, attracting some of the most talented and thoughtful minds in the world. Its aim is to inform, elucidate and uplift the human spirit.
posted by foodbedgospel at 9:10 PM on December 25, 2008


I hate you all.
posted by goodnewsfortheinsane at 9:32 PM on December 25, 2008


That's what she said.
posted by twoleftfeet at 10:44 PM on December 25, 2008


Norway's first black metal band was composed entirely of cast-iron skillets and an eleven-foot obelisk.

By the year 2032, all available rhythms will be used up, causing all new songs to actually be remakes of older songs.

Juggling was invented so that people with small hands could carry three items, it was incredibly popular until the 1950's when scientists invented the plastic carrier bag.


When I read these, I imagine that they're being told by Calvin's Dad.
posted by CheshireCat at 11:29 PM on December 25, 2008 [2 favorites]


Did the site really win all those awards, or is Dave just saying he did?

By the year 2032, all available rhythms will be used up, causing all new songs to actually be remakes of older songs.

The future is now.
posted by lysdexic at 12:02 AM on December 26, 2008


By the year 2032, all available rhythms will be used up, causing all new songs to actually be remakes of older songs.

The future is now.


I have heard people speculate that because of the judgment in the famous my sweet lord case that eventually experimental music and free jazz would be the only legal music, because we would use up all the traditional chord progressions. I hope things do turn out that way.
posted by idiopath at 12:09 AM on December 26, 2008 [1 favorite]


Royal marriages in Belgium are traditionally consumated under the statue of the Manneken Pis.

Uniquely in Europe, Belgium has no govenment at all.

Belgium was invaded by Nazi garden gnomes.

Belgium has an etite squad of armed blind policemen.
posted by quarsan at 2:26 AM on December 26, 2008


There is no spoon.
posted by bwg at 4:39 AM on December 26, 2008


The Matrix is just a fantasy film.
posted by sammyo at 5:02 AM on December 26, 2008


There is no cabal.
posted by adamvasco at 7:07 AM on December 26, 2008


In 1997, a veterinarian in Maine successfully cross bred a Maine coon cat with an English bulldog. Unfortunately the resulting Dat was a nightmare, a vicious animal with heavy jaws, claws, and an unstoppable desire to burrow into people's crotches. All Dats were destroyed except Female 2 nicknamed Fathead by her owner. After being declawed and neutered, the 64 lb Fathead was allowed to live out her days on a small farm in Virginia. She died in 2003 after a fishing lure accident.

When Wilma Stetson, 42, inherited a ranch in Oklahoma from her recluse uncle, Hiram Wigby, he hinted in the will that he had buried cash somewhere on his 43 acres. Wilma Stetson has spent the last 12 years hunting for buried treasure and to date has uncovered 17,000 jars of pennies totaling almost $63,000.

Walter "Frosty" Maxwell is so addicted to frozen food, he consumes all his meals after they have been in the freezer for at least 24 hours. His favorite breakfast is frozen Lucky Charms cereal and milk, his favorite lunch is frozen peanut butter and banana on wonderbread, and his favorite dinner is frozen spaghetti and meatballs. He rarely eats ice cream, instead his dessert of choice is frozen donuts with sprinkles.
posted by Secret Life of Gravy at 7:50 AM on December 26, 2008 [1 favorite]


This would be cooler if they actually found lies on the internet and provided links to each one, allowing you to bask in smug superiority over each falsified url in turn.
posted by Salvor Hardin at 8:03 AM on December 26, 2008 [1 favorite]


I didn't do anything, I swear.
posted by The Whelk at 8:46 AM on December 26, 2008


Modern typewriter keyboards were first designed by Mrs. Helen Rancid, an nineteenth-century innovator noted, among other things, for the fact that she had seventeen fingers.
posted by grapefruitmoon at 9:55 AM on December 26, 2008


A little-known tribe in the Amazon rain forest once had a culture based around urine. While the urine of females was considered uninteresting, the mysterious Urine People had at least 14 words describing male urine in terms of quantity, smell, color and strength, from small boy's morning stream to old man dribble. The Urine People celebrated weddings, births, and funerals with urine dances as well as songs about the pleasure of urination. Very little is known about this tribe because the only outside contact was with the famous 19th century explorer, Sir Reginald Bloughman. Sir Reginald recorded his 9 month stay with the tribe during 1882 in 6 journals. He never presented this information to the Royal Society during his lifetime, however upon his death in 1912, the journals were discovered in the attic of his London home. Unfortunately the journals had been stored carelessly underneath a cracked window pane and the resultant water damage made deciphering his writing difficult. The information as to the exact whereabouts of the tribe was lost. The journals were donated to the British Library.

In 1948, a great deal of excitement was aroused in anthropological circles when an international team of scientists was collecting specimens in the rain forest of French Guiana and reported hearing of a tribe who had special urine songs. A linguist was flown in but it turns out the Belgian botanist had confused the word for "urine" with the word for "rainbow."
posted by Secret Life of Gravy at 10:23 AM on December 26, 2008


just realised that i've been reading daves web of lies most days for the lat 10 years!
(it's true, honest!)
posted by fay at 10:54 AM on December 26, 2008


Brett Favre will retire this year.
posted by jon_hansen at 2:14 PM on December 26, 2008


The Antarctic Gibbon is the worst of the Gibbon family, widely recognised as lacking in moral fibre even by people who like Gibbons generally.
posted by Sparx at 4:01 PM on December 26, 2008


Uniquely in Europe, Belgium has no govenment at all.

That is so nearly true that I'm scoring it "A+ would listen to this lie again".
posted by Wolof at 4:29 PM on December 26, 2008


This far down the thread, and no-one has mentioned John Hodgman's The Areas of My Expertise, which is essentially this website in book form.

He also has a blog - for example, here's what he says about today:
DECEMBER 26, Today the English observe BOXING DAY. The name dates back to a medieval custom in which the English people would spend the day after Christmas looking for a wren. When they captured one, they would put it in a box and ceremoniously ask it for a prosperous new year. Like most of the old superstitions, it doesn’t make a lot of sense. Why would a wren grant someone a prosperous and healthy new year directly after it had been captured and put in a box? If I were a wren in the same situation, I would probably suggest that the English person remove me from the box so I could stick my beak in his throat (in case you don’t know, wrens have very sharp beaks, and also speak English).
posted by kcds at 7:16 PM on December 26, 2008


Great Lies To Tell Small Kids needs wider exposure as well.

Two of my favourites:



A new sun goes over every day
There's a big pile of them on the other side of that hill
When they cool down people cut them into blocks and that's where we get margarine from

 _______ 
| |
| |
| |
|_______|
This square has a secret fifth side which you will only see if you stare at it for a very very very long time
posted by flabdablet at 8:45 PM on December 26, 2008


the lions are going to whip green bay's ass sunday
posted by pyramid termite at 8:48 PM on December 26, 2008


Wolof, I cheated, three of the four are basically true.
posted by quarsan at 12:17 AM on December 27, 2008


Wolof, I cheated, three of the four are basically true.

People around here are too damn clever is my problem.
posted by Wolof at 1:57 AM on December 27, 2008


And now I see you live in Belgium.
posted by Wolof at 2:00 AM on December 27, 2008


Not clever, it's just that any lie you make up about Belgium will come true at some point.
posted by quarsan at 2:01 AM on December 27, 2008 [1 favorite]


Wolof, I cheated, three of the four are basically true.

So, um, which of the other ones are true then?
posted by goodnewsfortheinsane at 4:08 AM on December 28, 2008


The Nazi gnomes is true, it's an art exhibit. The blind armed policemen is true, but they do specalise in examining surveillence tapes.

As to the monachy, that's probably far less hideous than the truth...
posted by quarsan at 4:58 AM on December 28, 2008


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