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Jesus Christ Dinosaur
December 25, 2008 8:50 PM   Subscribe


 
Not to be confused with the Jesus vs T-Rex hypothesis of dinosaur extinction and damnation.
posted by homunculus at 8:54 PM on December 25, 2008 [2 favorites]


Interesting. Not sure I buy it but interesting.
posted by Artw at 9:34 PM on December 25, 2008


I actually clicked the link with a sigh, expecting some fringe craziness about Jesus having caused dinosaurs to go extinct before he invented the airplane. This was a lot more entertaining.
posted by Marisa Stole the Precious Thing at 9:34 PM on December 25, 2008


Wow. So if Jesus had lived, we'd all be able to fly by now.
posted by MrVisible at 9:49 PM on December 25, 2008


Interesting stuff! Where's the jesuslizard tag?
posted by brundlefly at 10:09 PM on December 25, 2008


I like the idea. I think gliders make more sense, but I can see it happening that way, too.
posted by empath at 10:09 PM on December 25, 2008


Wow. So if Jesus had lived, we'd all be able to fly by now.

But the real question is... can God make a conveyor belt so fast that His only begotten son can't take flight?
posted by FatherDagon at 10:18 PM on December 25, 2008 [17 favorites]


That's a clever idea with an unfortunate name.

If you think seriously about the origins of winged, controlled flight, you have to notice that wings have evolved independently in several lineages: in insects, in pterosaurs, in birds, and in bats, at least. Is there evidence that all birds descend from a single flying ancestor? If several related but nonflying species developed flight by different means, and subsequently moved into similar ecological niches, there'd be a pretty complex evidential picture to sort out.
posted by fantabulous timewaster at 10:23 PM on December 25, 2008


Waiter, there's a fly in my water...
posted by Bighappyfunhouse at 10:24 PM on December 25, 2008


My brain is singing "Jesus Christ Dinosaur" to the tune of "Jesus Christ Superstar" and I can't make it stop!
posted by amyms at 10:28 PM on December 25, 2008 [17 favorites]


Personally, I'm upset about the extinction of the evolutionary line of animals that could turn water into wine.
posted by twoleftfeet at 10:40 PM on December 25, 2008 [2 favorites]


So the basic premise is:
"Archaeopteryx might have used the running over water technique using wings and tail in gliding stance to generate lift to increase the foraging area and to have an extra possibility to escape from terrestrial predators." and "The obvious implication is that Archaeopteryx evolved from a "Jesus Christ dinosaur" that could run across water, initially supported entirely by its hind legs. Over time, its feathered arms started to evolve into wings, providing extra lift and thrust."

The Basilisk Lizard has unique hind legs, much like the Archaeopteryx, that allows it run over lakes and ponds. Which leads me to the question, wouldn't the dynamic nature of ocean water be a bit of an impediment to this ability (since this is supposedly where the Archaeopteryx learned this)? Not to mention the constant breaks in surface tension probably wouldn't help with the Jesus Christ ability either.
posted by P.o.B. at 10:55 PM on December 25, 2008


To see this in action, at one point he compares it to the Western Grebe.
posted by P.o.B. at 11:06 PM on December 25, 2008


My brain is singing "Jesus Christ Dinosaur" to the tune of "Jesus Christ Superstar" and I can't make it stop!

So if you are the Christ, yes the great Dino Christ,
Prove to me that you're no fool; walk across my swimming pool.
posted by homunculus at 12:13 AM on December 26, 2008 [2 favorites]


the author of this piece has confused the archaeopteryx with my friend craig mason. craig and i were snorkelling a bay on the north shore of oahu, about 50 yards out, when a 5 foot moray eel swam between us. with the aid of swim fins, craig lept to the surface and ran back to shore, screaming JESUSCHRISTJESUSCHRISTJESUSCHRIST all the way.
posted by kitchenrat at 1:00 AM on December 26, 2008 [4 favorites]


That's a clever idea with an unfortunate name.

Which is the exact opposite of what I was going to say.
posted by marmaduke_yaverland at 1:40 AM on December 26, 2008 [5 favorites]


It seems pretty plausible, perhaps even more than the gliding idea, because every bit of additional lift would give immediate evolutionary payback. Even a tenth of a wing would improve lift and, thus, the length of time the lizard could run on the water -- which would enhance both its ability to hunt and to escape from predators.

It seems like developing gliding would be a lot more difficult, because you'd need a lot more wingspan to make a difference. Half a glide wing is somewhat useful, but a tenth of one is almost no use at all. If wings were evolved in incremental steps, as seems likely, the steps could be a lot smaller in a runner than in a glider. Even the first and smallest steps would be useful, and each change would feed back into the system much more quickly. Flight should, therefore, evolve faster in a lizard running over mud and water than one falling out of trees.
posted by Malor at 6:29 AM on December 26, 2008


My brain is singing "Jesus Christ Dinosaur" to the tune of "Jesus Christ Superstar" and I can't make it stop!

So if you are the Christ, yes the great Dino Christ,
Prove to me that you're no fool; walk across my swimming pool.
posted by homunculus at 12:13 AM on December 26 [2 favorites -] Favorite added! [!]

That makes three of us now......

For those blessed enough not to have this stuck in your head and actually want it stuck there: go here About 1:30 into it. Youtube link.
posted by Mastercheddaar at 8:56 AM on December 26, 2008


Wow I am officially blind..... already linked and ready to go by Homunculus.
posted by Mastercheddaar at 8:57 AM on December 26, 2008


I kick it tree down.
posted by rosswald at 9:12 AM on December 26, 2008


I have nothing to add other than that I think "Archaeopteryx" is still one of my favorite words of all time. It's just fun to say.

And to casually drop in conversations with your co-workers; "Yeah, that's a great plan, once we merge with the other departments, we'll be able to look back on this time and see that our team was the Archaeopteryx which eventually turned into a world class falcon-like business group."

or more realistically "Did you steal my soda out of the fridge, you fucking Archaeopteryx?"
posted by quin at 9:13 AM on December 26, 2008 [2 favorites]


Ideal Universe:
I wake up at a reasonable hour after having gone to bed early. I arise with a cup of tea and do push-ups while listening to French 101 tapes. I enjoy a protein shake and wash my body vigorously with various ointments and unguents. Checking Metafilter while I dress, I read an insightful article on the possible origins of organized flight and make a mental note to bring it up at my luncheon with various luminaries.

Actual Universe:

I wake up at noon wearing one shoe, no pants, and a shirt that smells like Freshman Year. I crawl into the bathroom, weep bitterly, and stand under the shower for an hour. I shove some cold pizza into my mouth (where is my other shoe?) and check out Metafilter. I then proceed to wake up the entire house with my insane giggling and loud singing of "JESUS CHRIST DINOSAUR!"
posted by The Whelk at 9:27 AM on December 26, 2008 [8 favorites]


Jesus Christ Dinosaur badly needs lyrics.
posted by Artw at 9:32 AM on December 26, 2008


Jesus Christ Dinosaur badly needs lyrics.

In the "Jesus Christ Dinosaur/Superstar" mashup in my brain (and yes, it's still there from last night) the chorus goes like this:

Jesus Christ!
Dinosaur!
[something something something something something] ROAR!
posted by amyms at 9:54 AM on December 26, 2008 [7 favorites]


Jesus Christ Dinosaur badly needs lyrics.

I know this is normally Astro Zombie's cue, but I'll take a crack at it, a la "Heaven On Their Minds".

I'm walking upright now
At last
All too well
I can see
Where we all
Soon will be
If you strip away
With your tiny forearms
Low-hanging vegetables
You will see
Where we all
Soon will be

Jesus!
You've started to molting and
Your teeth are very sharp
You really do believe
The mammals are after you

And all the eggs you've hatched
Will soon be gobbled up
You've got a louder roar
Than the glaciers you fear

Listen Jesus
I don't like what I see
All I ask is that you stop chasing me
And remember
I've been your right hand man all along
You have thrashed them with your tail
They think you're fun to ride
And they'll hurt you when they find they're wrong

I remember when this whole thing began
No talk of mammals then, we loved you, man
And believe me
My admiration for you hasn't died
But every wall of ice today
Gets closer to us every day
And you should consider growing fur

The Paleozoic's most famous son
Should have stayed a great unknown
Like the trilobytes in sand
They'd have made you understand
Like falling Lopingian
sea levels, amphibians
they have caused nobody harm
No one alarm

Listen Jesus, do you care for your race?
Won't you please stop raking your claws in my face?
We are evolving
Have you forgotten how threatened you are?
I am frightened by the crowd
For you are roaring much too loud
And they'll crush us if you eat that car.
If you eat that car.

Listen Jesus to the warning I give
The Ice Age is coming but I want us to live
But it's sad to see our chances weakening with ev'ry hour
All your followers are blind
Not enough on their minds
Their brains are walnut-sized
Yes it's all gone sour
Ah --- ah ah ah --- ah
God Jesus, it's all gone sour

Listen Jesus to the warning I give
The Ice Age is coming but I want us to live
So come on, come on, listen to me.
Ah --- ah
Come on, listen, listen to me.
Come on and listen to me.
Ah --- ah

*ROOOOOOOAR!*
posted by Marisa Stole the Precious Thing at 11:02 AM on December 26, 2008 [9 favorites]


Meh. You know what, today I spent 3 hours talking to three Jehowa vitnesses.
Ordinarily I wouldn't due to lack of time, yet the more I see how blind their faith can be, the more I know it has to be addressed for good. I think I made some headway, but damn it takes time to make the even doubt.

What's the point of this in a Jesus Dyno thread? Ah well, I just noticed how utterly pointless is to suggest such a name for a dinosaur. Not that I am offended by that, not at all, yet believe it or not that are many hundred thousand people out there ready to take offence and start believing scientists are a bunch of mean disrispectful people, and by extension what they say must be bullshit, the bible is the truth.

I'm not suggesting that the word "jesus" should be used with sacred respect or that not offending believers should be anyone primary concern, but it doesn't help either. This stuff gives ammunition to local bible thumping leaders, ready to show how "disrispectful" Newscientist and again, by extension, how psychology is just goobletygook of the unbelievers.
posted by elpapacito at 12:03 PM on December 26, 2008


Ordinarily I wouldn't due to lack of time, yet the more I see how blind their faith can be, the more I know it has to be addressed for good. I think I made some headway, but damn it takes time to make the even doubt.

I'd be curious to know more about how you think "headway" was made through counter-missionary work. Going to knock on their doors next week?
posted by Marisa Stole the Precious Thing at 12:23 PM on December 26, 2008


Tell you what, it's Christmas, how about we keep the jesus-christ-dinosaur and the fun and they keep the crazy, and no hard feelings?
posted by Artw at 12:26 PM on December 26, 2008


It's Kwanzaa now. Anything's fair game.
posted by Marisa Stole the Precious Thing at 12:27 PM on December 26, 2008


Fuck it. Next time they come around kill and eat them. It's how any true missionary would want to go out.
posted by Artw at 12:29 PM on December 26, 2008


It's Kwanzaa now. Anything's fair game.

It's still Chanukah too!!
posted by inigo2 at 3:14 PM on December 26, 2008


I'd be curious to know more about how you think "headway" was made through counter-missionary work. Going to knock on their doors next week?

Uh probably they'll come back and possibily I will address them again, it really depends on how much I will care and how much time I have to spare. Expecially the younger one seemed to have knack for logic and had room for some reasonable doubts about her articles of faith.

An example, she argued that if you put milk, flour and egg togheter, a cake will not happen on its own. I argued "how do you know?" . She said "well it's obvious, it will not happen" , so I pressed "and what will happen?" ..she said "they'll rot."

From which I moved to mountains. The fact that we can't make mountains, make us wonder "who created them?" and how long did it took? I argued it could have taken a million or more years, a little more then the bible says, and that she doesn't have any proof whatsoever that it didn't happen in a million year or in a day. She always reverts to the "bible says X" . Yet the bible doesn't say what could happen in a million year, because it's not that old, nobody lived that long ever, so it can't contain all the knowledge of the universe.

She gets confused, changes argument and I let her go as much as possible. I am not trying to "win" her to any "true faith" , but to let her process all the incongruencies. She also said she's interested into psycology, so I offered the idea of reading some books about how humans seeks a fatherly, reassuring figure that we cannot unfortunately enjoy for all our lifetime, as our parents may die before we do. An ideal substitute is a forever living, beningn divine being guiding us trought our adulthood.

On the topic of blood transfusion, I offered a what if scenario : what if your children was about to die and there absolutely was no way , but a blood transfusion right here right now? They sidetracked by saying some doctors have alternatives, to which I said "alternatives are fine, if they are avaiable and they work." Yet they still couldn't elaborate the fact that an alternative may NOT be avaiable and the children was going to die. They never answered, all their gibberish was that "the bible says it's not ok".

I am probably doing this for the sheer pleasure of offering an alternative , the alternative I wasn't offered when I was young and more gullible and that would have saved me from some distortions of tought that harmed me. Exactly like Jesuit said "give me a children, I will give you a solder of christ" I say "gimme a jehova, I'll give him a chance to think with his/her head".
posted by elpapacito at 4:34 PM on December 26, 2008


I am probably doing this for the sheer pleasure of offering an alternative , the alternative I wasn't offered when I was young and more gullible and that would have saved me from some distortions of tought that harmed me. Exactly like Jesuit said "give me a children, I will give you a solder of christ" I say "gimme a jehova, I'll give him a chance to think with his/her head".

Yeah, normally I take a "live and let live" attitude about Jehovies, but if they come to your home, I say that gives you license to engage them in general mental kitten-string-ballery.

Ask them about the 144,000!
posted by Marisa Stole the Precious Thing at 4:37 PM on December 26, 2008


Walk across my swimming pool
posted by flabdablet at 7:01 PM on December 26, 2008


Next time they show up, just out-bible them and introduce them to the Gnostic Gospels, or throw out some Jesus quotes from the Koran.

Explain all that they're missing! Like Sophia and the Demiurge, and the Aeons.

Then when they go -- Jesus didn't say that, just say --- "Well, I dunno, it's written down right here, you don't think anything in a holy book could be made up, do you?"
posted by empath at 10:19 PM on December 26, 2008 [3 favorites]


Sorry for adding to the Jehovah's Witnesses derail, but I have to say... Compared to some of the evangelicals I've encountered, the two Jehovah's Witnesses who come to my house on a regular basis are among the most rational people I know. I don't agree with their beliefs, and I've engaged them in hearty debate on numerous occasions, but I have to respect the fact that they are very knowledgeable about why they believe what they believe, and they're perfectly willing to engage in a discussion about it, which is more than I can say for most zealots.
posted by amyms at 11:16 PM on December 26, 2008


elpapacito:

http://xkcd.com/386/
posted by Artifice_Eternity at 2:06 PM on December 27, 2008 [1 favorite]


Jurassic Dad
posted by homunculus at 4:38 PM on December 27, 2008






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