Comments on: One Button. Endless Possibilities.

One Button. Endless Possibilities.

miss lynnster — Mon, 05 Jan 2009 18:20:06 -0800

OMG! It's THE NEW MACBOOK WHEEL! Squeeee!

By: Lipstick Thespian

Lipstick Thespian — Mon, 05 Jan 2009 18:24:54 -0800

I love using wheels as much as I like covering my body in soft peanut butter and flowers! inside voice

By: SeizeTheDay

SeizeTheDay — Mon, 05 Jan 2009 18:25:18 -0800

"It remains to be seen if the wheel will catch on in the business world where people use computers for actual work and not just dicking around."

By: ColdChef

ColdChef — Mon, 05 Jan 2009 18:25:49 -0800

Still too complicated for my mom.

By: fuzzypantalones

fuzzypantalones — Mon, 05 Jan 2009 18:27:59 -0800

ooh, i'm so glad they've reinvented the... nevermind.

By: Rinku

Rinku — Mon, 05 Jan 2009 18:28:05 -0800

I totally thought this was real when I saw the front page. Oh no, I thought. Oh no.

By: killdevil

killdevil — Mon, 05 Jan 2009 18:29:43 -0800

For those of you who don't like pausing and squinting, the Wheel's innovative sentence auto-complete functionality came up with the following: The aardvark admitted its fault. The aardvark admitted it was wrong. The aardvark asked for an aardvark. The aardvark asked for a dagger. The aardvark asked for health. The aardvark asked for a ride. The absinthe arrived by airmail. The abortion went well. The actor asked for an aardvark. The actor asked for abstinance. The actor asked for redemption. The advertisement was effective. The agile aardvark arrived by airmail. The agile aardvark bathed with beauties. The agriculture was cultivated by the coral. The aggravated driver beeped on his horn. The aggravated rooster scratched the dirt. The Althusserian scholar gave his copy of Lacan's "Ecrits" to the abortion doctor. The amiable Althusserian scholar asked the aardvark for an absinthe. The amiable crocodile brushed his teeth with a toothbrush. The amiable doctor performed the operation admirably. The annex was covered with asbestos. The annex was crawling with beetles. The apple was airmailed by the doctor. The apple was consumed by the amiable crocodile. The apple was inquiring about the amiable crocodile's friend. The aquamarine lifevest was not used. The aquamarine lifevest was unpopular. The armchair was uncomfortable. The armchair was favoured by the amiable housecat. The ass asked for a better absinthe. The ass brayed the moon. The assumptive doctor did not accept our personal check. The assumptive agricultural expert eyed out absinthe suspiciously. The attractive peanut farmer graded the term paper. The attractive rooster preened its feathers to attract absinthe. The auxiliary generator has malfunctioned. The awning covered the agile aardvark during the amiable rainstorm. The awning was too tall to touch. The babbling baby asked the aardvark for some absinthe. * Copied and pasted from a comment on Digg. I can't take credit for this (thank God).

By: kittyprecious

kittyprecious — Mon, 05 Jan 2009 18:30:35 -0800

I used to think ONN was basically the video equivalent of Irrational Public Radio (i.e., cute, hold the funny), but I'll admit I laughed at the "predictive sentence list" feature starting with "The aardvark asked for the aardvark."

By: kittyprecious

kittyprecious — Mon, 05 Jan 2009 18:31:31 -0800

Damn you, killdevil!

By: killdevil

killdevil — Mon, 05 Jan 2009 18:32:58 -0800

I have to say that they really nailed the Apple aesthetic, by the by.

By: blucevalo

blucevalo — Mon, 05 Jan 2009 18:34:08 -0800

The revolutionary new Hummingbird battery actually lasts 9 minutes before shutoff if you don't let it go through a full charge cycle.

By: Rhomboid

Rhomboid — Mon, 05 Jan 2009 18:37:25 -0800

On a slightly more serious note, did you all see the letter from Steve Jobs to the Apple community that was posted today?

By: Alexandra Kitty

Alexandra Kitty — Mon, 05 Jan 2009 18:39:56 -0800

And when life imitates parody, they will only have themselves to blame...

By: gomichild

gomichild — Mon, 05 Jan 2009 18:41:23 -0800

That was rather clever.

By: MaryDellamorte

MaryDellamorte — Mon, 05 Jan 2009 18:41:37 -0800

I dunno, this looks fucking stupid to me. How long is it gonna take you to type one sentence?

By: photoslob

photoslob — Mon, 05 Jan 2009 18:42:20 -0800

touché

By: MaryDellamorte

MaryDellamorte — Mon, 05 Jan 2009 18:44:50 -0800

Hahahahaha, man I feel like a heel. I really thought that was real. I don't put it past Apple or idiots to buy into something so inane.

By: mightygodking

mightygodking — Mon, 05 Jan 2009 18:47:10 -0800

I don't put it past Apple or idiots to buy into something so inane. You pretty much lost your right to criticize people on this score when you thought something at The Onion was for totally reals.

By: chuckdarwin

chuckdarwin — Mon, 05 Jan 2009 18:47:32 -0800

The sort of breathless apple fanboi was scarily, scarily accurate.

By: smackfu

smackfu — Mon, 05 Jan 2009 18:48:04 -0800

did you all see the letter from Steve Jobs to the Apple community that was posted today? "There was nothing to worry about. I was just losing weight for some reason that my doctors couldn't figure out. Fuck you for asking."

By: Citizen Premier

Citizen Premier — Mon, 05 Jan 2009 18:59:53 -0800

Steve Jobs should try the iTunes diet: You can eat anything you want, but you aren't allowed to take a shit.

By: KokuRyu

KokuRyu — Mon, 05 Jan 2009 19:01:51 -0800

The "predictive sentence list" is pure comedy.

By: isopraxis

isopraxis — Mon, 05 Jan 2009 19:04:52 -0800

How long is it gonna take you to type one sentence? See, we've evolved past typing and moved on to what we call natural selection™. My very favorite thing about the Onion happens when people take it all hook, line and sinker. Like the time a classmate told me that Christopher Walken is addicted to hotdogs and that she always knew something was wrong with him; 'Like, duh, its his diet!'

By: Kimothy

Kimothy — Mon, 05 Jan 2009 19:09:51 -0800

"Moving on, police warn that the Sudoku Killer will kill either one, four or nine victims next." I love The Onion. I really do.

By: tristeza

tristeza — Mon, 05 Jan 2009 19:12:06 -0800

OMG! It's Todd Levin!! Sweet.

By: filthy light thief

filthy light thief — Mon, 05 Jan 2009 19:12:13 -0800

I, too, am a fan of shiny apples. Why, my stepmother is rather wicked, why do you ask?

By: stargell

stargell — Mon, 05 Jan 2009 19:15:50 -0800

And I love Andrea Bennett.

By: JoeXIII007

JoeXIII007 — Mon, 05 Jan 2009 19:27:44 -0800

Honestly, I would be happy to take the circular menu and nothing else. I have had it with bars. They're... just... so... dull.

By: terranova

terranova — Mon, 05 Jan 2009 19:31:20 -0800

The aardvark admitted its fault. The aardvark admitted it was wrong. The aardvark asked for an aardvark. The aardvark asked for a dagger.... ZOUNDS! MacBook Wheel has pre-installed magical realism novel-writing software. SteveJobsWhattaGuy.

By: Mid

Mid — Mon, 05 Jan 2009 19:36:49 -0800

What about that diet is like itunes?

By: eritain

eritain — Mon, 05 Jan 2009 19:37:37 -0800

Yeah, yeah, it's ridiculous not to put a keyboard on a computer. At least, on a computer with that form factor. But a lot of human-machine interaction does involve selecting one of an ordered (or orderable) list of options: links on a web page, channels on a TV, operations at an ATM, seat-and-mirror-position profiles in an upscale car, toppings on a terminal at a pizza place, contacts in an address book. And the click wheel is honestly pretty rocking for that task. And yeah, yeah, the virtual keyboard is grotty. But does anyone remember Dasher? You really could enter text through a click wheel without wanting to kill yourself. Short amounts of text, obviously, not essays. So no, no, I don't want to try to code Perl or write a poem or a paper without a keyboard, but the world's getting more and more non-console-centric computers in it all the time, and I wouldn't mind a lot of 'em with click wheels. Yeah, yeah. True confessions: My first, and for years only, exposure to the Onion was on a mangy looking overhead transparency in my first freshman linguistics class in 1999, put up by a professor who comes off way too nerdy to be as hip to pop culture as he is. For a long time I honestly believed there were more speakers of Klingon than Navajo. (It wasn't just the Onion's fault ... it got more believable when this one classmate of mine spent much of her spare time translating the Book of Mormon into Klingon on her PDA.)

By: flipyourwig

flipyourwig — Mon, 05 Jan 2009 19:38:57 -0800

I laughed so hard at the 'auto-complete' sentences. So so hard.

By: Combustible Edison Lighthouse

Combustible Edison Lighthouse — Mon, 05 Jan 2009 19:57:41 -0800

I dunno, this looks fucking stupid to me. How long is it gonna take you to type one sentence? With the optional second wheel, even a mediocre DJ can reach 40 wpm.

By: fungible

fungible — Mon, 05 Jan 2009 20:08:49 -0800

I liked it, but you've gotta admit, this is the Onion's version of trolling. It's like they formulated the comedy around "What will get us the most web hits?" Which, I guess, is kind of brilliant considering that's all they really want. Posted by my MacBook Wheel

By: blue_beetle

blue_beetle — Mon, 05 Jan 2009 20:15:51 -0800

You all laugh, but Apples next laptop won't have ANY kind of input device other than a screen. You'd sell your children for a wheel.

By: Kadin2048

Kadin2048 — Mon, 05 Jan 2009 20:22:22 -0800

That was significantly funnier than it deserved to be. It was really the production values that did it; if anything it's better-produced and makes more coherent sense than most of the "tech minute" stories that run on my local news channel, at least the ones I've had the misfortune of watching. Plus, given what they did to the UI in 10.5, the Wheel would really only be matching it on the hardware side.... *grumble*

By: cccorlew

cccorlew — Mon, 05 Jan 2009 20:45:26 -0800

I would buy one. Or two. But that's just me.

By: tehloki

tehloki — Mon, 05 Jan 2009 20:46:35 -0800

If it didn't have the onion logo on it, I would have believed it.

By: hattifattener

hattifattener — Mon, 05 Jan 2009 20:49:21 -0800

For JoeXIII007: Pie Menus! (and for me, a trip down memory lane)

By: jokeefe

jokeefe — Mon, 05 Jan 2009 20:50:15 -0800

"I'll buy anything if it's shiny and made by Apple!" ...sadly, I am guilty as charged. Oh, the shame.

By: Afroblanco

Afroblanco — Mon, 05 Jan 2009 21:53:15 -0800

The aardvark admitted its fault. The aardvark admitted it was wrong. The aardvark asked for an aardvark. ..... The Macbook Wheel : Pattern matching with irregular expesssions

By: liza

liza — Mon, 05 Jan 2009 22:05:06 -0800

and it's just a bit under $2,600!

By: Forktine

Forktine — Mon, 05 Jan 2009 22:17:31 -0800

The Onion mostly doesn't strike me as all that funny any more, but this one was really spot-on. And if they improved the predictive sentences about 5% I'd probably buy one, too.

By: Mister_A

Mister_A — Mon, 05 Jan 2009 22:18:30 -0800

Screen goes black after 4 seconds to save energy! Love it!

By: Marisa Stole the Precious Thing

Marisa Stole the Precious Thing — Mon, 05 Jan 2009 22:34:08 -0800

This was really close to the mark, and very well done. Reminded me of when the Macbook Air came out, and everyone was ohing and ahing about how thin it was, how lightweight. And then they found out it has one USB port.

By: iamkimiam

iamkimiam — Mon, 05 Jan 2009 22:44:55 -0800

It had me at "Reinventing the Wheel."

By: iamkimiam

iamkimiam — Mon, 05 Jan 2009 22:50:05 -0800

Oh, and technically, shouldn't the aardvark admit it was wrong before it admitted its fault? Also, daggers before aardvarks.

By: dhartung

dhartung — Mon, 05 Jan 2009 22:58:13 -0800

"Virtually unbreakable, except when dropped or hit."

By: Blazecock Pileon

Blazecock Pileon — Mon, 05 Jan 2009 23:16:55 -0800

And then they found out it has one USB port. Would you be happier with two? I'm curious what the threshold would be.

By: rokusan

rokusan — Mon, 05 Jan 2009 23:58:32 -0800

And then they found out it has one USB port. Would you be happier with two? I'm curious what the threshold would be. Four. The correct number is four.

By: ALongDecember

ALongDecember — Mon, 05 Jan 2009 23:58:59 -0800

Two is my threshold, since I often attach a mouse. Plug that in and bam, no ports for iPod (no FireWire too), usb drives, or for attaching a CD drive since the computer doesn't have one.

By: amuseDetachment

amuseDetachment — Tue, 06 Jan 2009 00:01:49 -0800

Would you be happier with two? I'm curious what the threshold would be. I have a Macbook Air. Yes, two would be the perfect number. First one in case you need to use the Ethernet dongle (there's no ethernet port, you have to use the USB-Ethernet dongle every so often), second for random flash drives that you use. I have a bluetooth mouse, so that's a total of two.

By: Blazecock Pileon

Blazecock Pileon — Tue, 06 Jan 2009 00:56:31 -0800

Two is my threshold, since I often attach a mouse. Plug that in and bam, no ports for iPod (no FireWire too), usb drives, or for attaching a CD drive since the computer doesn't have one. Other than using a (wireless) Bluetooth mouse, do you really have all those devices plugged in at once? Honest question. I have a laptop with two USB ports and rarely, if ever, do I use both of them. I don't often see others use two or more USB devices simultaneously, either, and I'm in a work situation where I would see that happen a lot, if it does. Obviously, having more ports is good, but those are the kinds of tradeoffs made for an ultraportable. There's always a netbook, MacBook or MacBook Pro if you need a thicker laptop.

By: Blazecock Pileon

Blazecock Pileon — Tue, 06 Jan 2009 00:59:15 -0800

By: flatluigi

flatluigi — Tue, 06 Jan 2009 01:55:27 -0800

Holy shit. When did the Onion start putting out a fake news show and when can I replace Fox News with it?

By: flatluigi

flatluigi — Tue, 06 Jan 2009 01:56:07 -0800

(and by 'replace fox news' I mean subscribe to it so I can see every new segment)

By: bwg

bwg — Tue, 06 Jan 2009 02:09:20 -0800

I typed this with the Macbook wheel, which is why my comment is at the bottom of the fooking page!

By: bwg

bwg — Tue, 06 Jan 2009 02:09:32 -0800

Last!

By: edd

edd — Tue, 06 Jan 2009 02:47:01 -0800

It's certainly an upgrade from the Mactini.

By: moonbiter

moonbiter — Tue, 06 Jan 2009 03:35:21 -0800

YOU APple haterz suc. I am BETa Testing the WhEel and it is awesdme.

By: JDHarper

JDHarper — Tue, 06 Jan 2009 05:20:43 -0800

flatluigi: Here's their video RSS feed.

By: kcds

kcds — Tue, 06 Jan 2009 05:25:00 -0800

Microsoft will be shipping their version of this with every copy of Windows 7 - but it will be made by Toshiba, and be kinda squarish.

By: smackfu

smackfu — Tue, 06 Jan 2009 06:02:32 -0800

Funny thing is that Apple added two USB ports when they updated the Mac mini. It used to have two in the G4 version, which was sufficient in my mind, and now it has four.

By: Fleebnork

Fleebnork — Tue, 06 Jan 2009 07:22:05 -0800

Putting it another way, I wonder if at least part of what motivates that kind of complaint isn't really that it's one port (to which you can connect a USB hub, let's face it), so much as people looking for something to complain about. Like Apple being "stuck" with a one-button mouse, which has been a non-issue for many years. Usually someone has the opinion that the Air sucks because it doesn't meet their specific needs, completely ignoring the fact that Apple makes several other laptop models with a variety of ports and optical drives. It's like claiming that the Honda S2000 two-seat roadster sucks because one really needs an Accord.

By: smackfu

smackfu — Tue, 06 Jan 2009 07:35:18 -0800

To torture the analogy, it's like if Honda only made 3 models, and they only ran on Honda-brand gas.

By: rmless

rmless — Tue, 06 Jan 2009 07:53:27 -0800

Dear Robber, You wont believe where I am# I)m at the Mac Expo ænd I am USING thep colic new Macwheel laptop. I'll BET YOU ARE JEAlouz

By: merocet

merocet — Tue, 06 Jan 2009 08:23:52 -0800

Here's a link to the mactini that works in the US

By: Rhomboid

Rhomboid — Tue, 06 Jan 2009 08:39:42 -0800

flatluigi, you should check out the movie that they released earlier this year. It's basically 80 minutes of this.

By: rusty

rusty — Tue, 06 Jan 2009 08:55:04 -0800

The throwaway Sudoku Killer joke at the very end is by far the funniest part of that whole clip. It's like they came up with that joke and then thought "What do we have to stick on the front of that to get a bunch of people to watch it? I know! We'll mock Apple! That oughta do it."

By: saul wright

saul wright — Tue, 06 Jan 2009 09:35:15 -0800

flatluigi, you should check out the movie that they released earlier this year. It's basically 80 minutes of this. yeah, don't do this. It's pretty bad and has barely anything to do with the people who made these.

By: happyroach

happyroach — Tue, 06 Jan 2009 09:46:21 -0800

I can see the people at Apple going "Hmm, now that's an idea. After all, people use the laptop only for surfing theinternet, and so all they really need to be able to type is "lol", "teh", "this", "anna nicole smith sex tape" and "apple computers are far superior to Window$ in every way". Why not automate it?

By: dickasso

dickasso — Tue, 06 Jan 2009 10:52:54 -0800

Blazecock: I have a small thin laptop, and very often I'm connected to (and using simultaneously) 2 USB hard drives, a card reader, and a mouse. 4 is the correct number. At home I have 11 USB devices on a hub. Admittedly 11 ports would be excessive.

By: bonaldi

bonaldi — Tue, 06 Jan 2009 11:09:24 -0800

I have a small thin laptop, and I think there's cobwebs in my USB port. 0 is the correct number. Whee, designing the world around yourself is fun, kids.

By: miss lynnster

miss lynnster — Tue, 06 Jan 2009 11:52:20 -0800

I use a Wacom tablet, not a mouse. And I have to regularly back up my files to an external. So, two is the correct number, people. Come on. Think outside of your own damn boxes a little. :)

By: Marisa Stole the Precious Thing

Marisa Stole the Precious Thing — Tue, 06 Jan 2009 12:09:50 -0800

Putting it another way, I wonder if at least part of what motivates that kind of complaint isn't really that it's one port (to which you can connect a USB hub, let's face it), so much as people looking for something to complain about. Like Apple being "stuck" with a one-button mouse, which has been a non-issue for many years. I'm not complaining, as I wouldn't drop that kind of money on a laptop whose greatest feature is thinness. I can see the advantages, mind you, if I were to get locked out of a screened-in porch and needed to slide something between the door and the frame to knock the hook lock out of the loop.

By: George_Spiggott

George_Spiggott — Tue, 06 Jan 2009 12:33:19 -0800

How about one with four USB ports and blanking plates for them so you can pretend you don't have them if they offend you?

By: Marisa Stole the Precious Thing

Marisa Stole the Precious Thing — Tue, 06 Jan 2009 12:45:52 -0800

Oh, I'm not offended, either. I just thought the hype surrounding the Macbook Air bordered on surreal. As such, it can be made fun of.

By: George_Spiggott

George_Spiggott — Tue, 06 Jan 2009 12:59:28 -0800

Er, was speaking to people who seem to feel that having more USB ports than they use is a defect.

By: Marisa Stole the Precious Thing

Marisa Stole the Precious Thing — Tue, 06 Jan 2009 13:20:14 -0800

Ah. But to answer the question, I thought 2 USB ports were more or less the standard. Especially with a machine with only 120GB of storage (plenty for regular desktop use, I know, but you can't add storage to a Macbook Air without attaching an external drive). I think it's hilarious that the thinness feature, with regards to one USB port, can lead to the purchase of a USB hub, more or less negating the reason for buying the Air in the first place, i.e., having less weight to carry. But I don't really have a dog in this fight anyway - just playing around with the hype of the thing when compared to the reality.

By: quin

quin — Tue, 06 Jan 2009 15:22:59 -0800

tehloki : If it didn't have the onion logo on it, I would have believed it. For absolutely no reason whatsoever, your comment inspired me to want to figure out a way to replace the apple on my Macbook with the Onion from their logo. I have to admit, that would be pretty sweet.

By: Phire

Phire — Tue, 06 Jan 2009 15:38:57 -0800

I regularly use two USB ports - one for my mouse or my tablet, and one to plug in my USB hub which in turn links to my scanner, printer, and external hard drive and which is only occasionally used. And I agree with those who seem to think that two is a relatively standard and reasonable number of external connections to have. That said, it does really bug me when my mouse is plugged in, and I want to print something on a flash drive. Of course, transferring the file to my desktop, then switching to the USB hub with the printer attached, only takes about 15 seconds. But I really do appreciate the chassis design of my laptop that has two ports close at hand, one port in a slightly more awkward spot, and then two more ports at the back of the laptop. Mmm, good UI at work.

By: cmyr

cmyr — Thu, 08 Jan 2009 13:52:41 -0800

I have an air that I've always used as more or less a netbook/airplane computer; at the moment I'm traveling for an extended period of time, and I am starting to think that two is the right number. Although frankly at this stage I think adding ports through a hub is fine, since I've never needed two previously. I'll probably just end up buying a big monitor with a built in USB hub, killing a variety of birds with one large piece of consumer electronics. The problem with apple is that they consistently make really good products. I wish there were other companies making similarly good products, so I could benefit from the competition, but apparently making things work well is harder then it should be.