Not your mother's pantyhose!
January 7, 2009 7:18 PM Subscribe
Mantyhose, they are all the rage. Not sure where to get a pair of your own? Look no further. Once you have obtained your new pair of mantyhose, learn how to put them on.
"I have such a deep admiration for guys who role around on the floor with other guys."
"You'd never make it. You don't have any goals."
"Oh, but I do. I want to be just like you. I figure all I need is a lobotomy and some tights."
"You weartights mantyhose?"
"No, I do not weartights mantyhose. I wear the required uniform."
"Tights Mantyhose."
"Shut up!"
posted by pineapple at 7:27 PM on January 7, 2009 [4 favorites]
"You'd never make it. You don't have any goals."
"Oh, but I do. I want to be just like you. I figure all I need is a lobotomy and some tights."
"You wear
"No, I do not wear
"
"Shut up!"
posted by pineapple at 7:27 PM on January 7, 2009 [4 favorites]
If I want to wear tights, I'm going to wear tights. Why does it matter if they have a "clever" name?
posted by regicide is good for you at 7:31 PM on January 7, 2009
posted by regicide is good for you at 7:31 PM on January 7, 2009
Shit, you can barely get me to put on dress socks.
posted by The Straightener at 7:31 PM on January 7, 2009
posted by The Straightener at 7:31 PM on January 7, 2009
Actually there is a difference between tights and pantyhose. Mantyhose are not tights.
posted by MaryDellamorte at 7:33 PM on January 7, 2009
posted by MaryDellamorte at 7:33 PM on January 7, 2009
Now my husband can finally finish his real-life superhero costume!
posted by flipyourwig at 7:36 PM on January 7, 2009
posted by flipyourwig at 7:36 PM on January 7, 2009
Mantyhosers appear to shave their legs. Is this some sort of requirement to make them work or can I pull them directly over my gnarled, hairy tree trunks without breaking them?
posted by The Straightener at 7:41 PM on January 7, 2009
posted by The Straightener at 7:41 PM on January 7, 2009
I'm secure enough in my masculinity that I don't need no mantyhose.
posted by cjorgensen at 7:43 PM on January 7, 2009
posted by cjorgensen at 7:43 PM on January 7, 2009
I remember that Mantyhose was one of the prizes in my high school's annual transvestite contest every Halloween. I'm sure it was just a coincidence that a woman never won. I still have a copy of the school newspaper with a photo of a certain Toronto filmmaker passing on his crown to that year's winner. He's in a lovely shift, but I don't know if there's Mantyhose underneath it.
binturong, kilts should ALWAYS be worn regimental. No y-fronts, no g-strings, no Mantyhose. Nothing is worn (and everything should be in perfect working order.)
posted by maudlin at 7:44 PM on January 7, 2009
binturong, kilts should ALWAYS be worn regimental. No y-fronts, no g-strings, no Mantyhose. Nothing is worn (and everything should be in perfect working order.)
posted by maudlin at 7:44 PM on January 7, 2009
Now, I am not that uptight about gender and masculinity.
But this? No. Sorry. No can do. No way. No how.
It's just a little bit -- well, more than a little bit, actually -- outside my comfort zone.
posted by jason's_planet at 7:45 PM on January 7, 2009
But this? No. Sorry. No can do. No way. No how.
It's just a little bit -- well, more than a little bit, actually -- outside my comfort zone.
posted by jason's_planet at 7:45 PM on January 7, 2009
Is this some sort of requirement to make them work or can I pull them directly over my gnarled, hairy tree trunks without breaking them?
*wolf whistle*
That sounds sexy.
posted by flipyourwig at 7:47 PM on January 7, 2009
*wolf whistle*
That sounds sexy.
posted by flipyourwig at 7:47 PM on January 7, 2009
Just dress up as you would dress up anyway, and find a pair of pantyhose / tights as you would find a sock at the end
What, after I put my pants on? Seems odd, but OK, I'm not an expert.
posted by nowonmai at 7:47 PM on January 7, 2009 [1 favorite]
What, after I put my pants on? Seems odd, but OK, I'm not an expert.
posted by nowonmai at 7:47 PM on January 7, 2009 [1 favorite]
Right ... because there's been no time previously that tights for men have been in fashion....
*cough*
posted by gomichild at 7:50 PM on January 7, 2009 [1 favorite]
*cough*
posted by gomichild at 7:50 PM on January 7, 2009 [1 favorite]
Let me guess. People are already making porn about this.
posted by Joe Beese at 7:52 PM on January 7, 2009
posted by Joe Beese at 7:52 PM on January 7, 2009
Man, I hate wearing pantyhose, and I'm a girl. The only time I wear them is with my Star Fleet uniform, and that's only for maximum nerd accuracy.
Tights, on the other hand, are wonderful and warm and comfy, and I wouldn't blame any man for wanting warm leg-parts, too.
posted by PhoBWanKenobi at 7:54 PM on January 7, 2009 [3 favorites]
Tights, on the other hand, are wonderful and warm and comfy, and I wouldn't blame any man for wanting warm leg-parts, too.
posted by PhoBWanKenobi at 7:54 PM on January 7, 2009 [3 favorites]
What's the male equivalent to crotch rot?
posted by jessamyn at 7:59 PM on January 7, 2009 [3 favorites]
posted by jessamyn at 7:59 PM on January 7, 2009 [3 favorites]
This business will go bellyup and the owners will be forced to put their own product over their heads and rob a bank.
(also: men, do not believe any woman who tells you she likes these. She is merely trying to see how much of an ass you will make of yourself in order to get laid.)
posted by jonmc at 7:59 PM on January 7, 2009 [1 favorite]
(also: men, do not believe any woman who tells you she likes these. She is merely trying to see how much of an ass you will make of yourself in order to get laid.)
posted by jonmc at 7:59 PM on January 7, 2009 [1 favorite]
Not sure where to get a pair of your own?
I'm thinking that if they were "all the rage" I'd already know where to get them. They look like oversized versions of those really sheer dress socks. I wonder if they come in control top?
posted by MikeMc at 8:02 PM on January 7, 2009
I'm thinking that if they were "all the rage" I'd already know where to get them. They look like oversized versions of those really sheer dress socks. I wonder if they come in control top?
posted by MikeMc at 8:02 PM on January 7, 2009
She is merely trying to see how much of an ass you will make of yourself in order to get laid.
Well, duh. There's a reason I never let the girls in middle school convince me to put on a dress. They might give you attention, but they sure won't respect you for it.
posted by dunkadunc at 8:03 PM on January 7, 2009
Well, duh. There's a reason I never let the girls in middle school convince me to put on a dress. They might give you attention, but they sure won't respect you for it.
posted by dunkadunc at 8:03 PM on January 7, 2009
I'm seeing this being the best Dirty Santa gift ever
posted by Hands of Manos at 8:04 PM on January 7, 2009
posted by Hands of Manos at 8:04 PM on January 7, 2009
This testimonial feels a bit Penthouse Forum to me: At the recommendation of my wife, I got several pairs of sheer knee-high support hose that I wear under pants, and I wear either light to medium support sheer beige pantyhose or thigh highs openly under shorts, and I've noticed a major improvement in how my legs look and feel, and my venous ulcer is almost completely healed. ... My wife convinced me to start shaving my legs which makes the hose fit and feel very nice, and as a bonus she thinks that they make my legs look "sexy". I'll also admit that I very much like the way they feel and look on my legs.
gomichild, I'm sure the codpiece is on its way back, too, only they'll call it "briefs with underwire". Guys will have to go to special stores, staffed by gruff middle-aged Eastern European men, who must handle the merchandise with impunity to ensure a proper fit.
posted by maudlin at 8:04 PM on January 7, 2009
gomichild, I'm sure the codpiece is on its way back, too, only they'll call it "briefs with underwire". Guys will have to go to special stores, staffed by gruff middle-aged Eastern European men, who must handle the merchandise with impunity to ensure a proper fit.
posted by maudlin at 8:04 PM on January 7, 2009
Mantyhose, they are all the rage.
Are your sources on this reliable?
posted by sambosambo at 8:04 PM on January 7, 2009
Are your sources on this reliable?
posted by sambosambo at 8:04 PM on January 7, 2009
(also: men, do not believe any woman who tells you she likes these. She is merely trying to see how much of an ass you will make of yourself in order to get laid.)
Ummmm. Hate to tell ya, but sometimes y'all really don't any help (let alone tights) to make that happen.
posted by miss lynnster at 8:07 PM on January 7, 2009
Ummmm. Hate to tell ya, but sometimes y'all really don't any help (let alone tights) to make that happen.
posted by miss lynnster at 8:07 PM on January 7, 2009
These will go perfectly with the tea cozy I wear as a hat.
posted by StickyCarpet at 8:11 PM on January 7, 2009 [3 favorites]
posted by StickyCarpet at 8:11 PM on January 7, 2009 [3 favorites]
These mantyhose... do they come in an egg, or a jack-in-the-box?
posted by netbros at 8:13 PM on January 7, 2009
posted by netbros at 8:13 PM on January 7, 2009
If they come in one of those giant plastic Easter eggs I'm sold.
posted by JimmyJames at 8:16 PM on January 7, 2009 [1 favorite]
posted by JimmyJames at 8:16 PM on January 7, 2009 [1 favorite]
Foul balls.
Which can always be prevented with a sprinkle of Gold Bond Powder, down under. As Mr. pineapple likes to say, "It's like a Tic Tac for the ball sack!"
Stay classy, husband.
posted by pineapple at 8:18 PM on January 7, 2009 [12 favorites]
Which can always be prevented with a sprinkle of Gold Bond Powder, down under. As Mr. pineapple likes to say, "It's like a Tic Tac for the ball sack!"
Stay classy, husband.
posted by pineapple at 8:18 PM on January 7, 2009 [12 favorites]
MantyFilter.
posted by grounded at 8:22 PM on January 7, 2009 [1 favorite]
posted by grounded at 8:22 PM on January 7, 2009 [1 favorite]
Who exactly are they trying to target this to?
posted by Afroblanco at 8:22 PM on January 7, 2009
posted by Afroblanco at 8:22 PM on January 7, 2009
Finely, a chance outside the 18th century to show off my finely shaped calves and powerful haunches!
Wait, you wear them over pants? Not, like, with short pantaloons, as is the noble style?
Fuck this shit. pffffffft.
posted by The Whelk at 8:29 PM on January 7, 2009 [1 favorite]
Wait, you wear them over pants? Not, like, with short pantaloons, as is the noble style?
Fuck this shit. pffffffft.
posted by The Whelk at 8:29 PM on January 7, 2009 [1 favorite]
As Mr. pineapple likes to say, "It's like a Tic Tac for the ball sack!"
Mr. Pineapple would be a great name for a kid's show host. I'd advise using a different catchphrase, however.
posted by jonmc at 8:35 PM on January 7, 2009 [8 favorites]
Mr. Pineapple would be a great name for a kid's show host. I'd advise using a different catchphrase, however.
posted by jonmc at 8:35 PM on January 7, 2009 [8 favorites]
Is this something I'd have to have a TV be young to understand?
posted by nola at 8:41 PM on January 7, 2009
posted by nola at 8:41 PM on January 7, 2009
Pants/shorts and hose is stupid. It only makes sense with pantaloons or a robe Medieval style.
posted by stbalbach at 8:43 PM on January 7, 2009
posted by stbalbach at 8:43 PM on January 7, 2009
It is becoming impossible to be a transvestite.
posted by binturong at 8:47 PM on January 7, 2009 [4 favorites]
posted by binturong at 8:47 PM on January 7, 2009 [4 favorites]
I think Jame Gumb has some of these.
posted by dead cousin ted at 8:48 PM on January 7, 2009 [2 favorites]
posted by dead cousin ted at 8:48 PM on January 7, 2009 [2 favorites]
Lots of guys think that pantyhose on a woman is sexy as all hell, so I can see why some women want to wear them. (on special occasions, anyway) But on a guy? Unless women start to change their standards for what they find attractive, I can't imagine these will sell too well.
However, in the odd event that women *do* start to find this attractive, you better believe that guys will make a bee-line for the mantyhose. We do much weirder (and more expensive) things to attract a mate.
Hell, I've heard that they aren't even that uncomfortable if you buy the high-quality stuff that doesn't run as easily. If it were socially acceptable, I'd probably try a pair, just to see what it was like. Who knows? Maybe I'd look good in a skirt.
posted by Jake Apathy at 8:53 PM on January 7, 2009 [1 favorite]
However, in the odd event that women *do* start to find this attractive, you better believe that guys will make a bee-line for the mantyhose. We do much weirder (and more expensive) things to attract a mate.
Hell, I've heard that they aren't even that uncomfortable if you buy the high-quality stuff that doesn't run as easily. If it were socially acceptable, I'd probably try a pair, just to see what it was like. Who knows? Maybe I'd look good in a skirt.
posted by Jake Apathy at 8:53 PM on January 7, 2009 [1 favorite]
"It's like a Tic Tac for the ball sack!"
If I ever thought I needed this, I'd go with corn starch. It's got Ken Kesey's endorsement!
posted by hydrophonic at 8:57 PM on January 7, 2009
If I ever thought I needed this, I'd go with corn starch. It's got Ken Kesey's endorsement!
posted by hydrophonic at 8:57 PM on January 7, 2009
The merino wool underwear I got for Xmas *feel* like I imagine manty-hose might feel. Which I have to admit, makes them sound kind of tempting.
But on having seen the pictures, I suspect I'd rather amputate my legs than wear those things.
posted by PeterMcDermott at 8:58 PM on January 7, 2009
But on having seen the pictures, I suspect I'd rather amputate my legs than wear those things.
posted by PeterMcDermott at 8:58 PM on January 7, 2009
Why don't they just call these pansyhose?
posted by Seekerofsplendor at 8:58 PM on January 7, 2009 [7 favorites]
posted by Seekerofsplendor at 8:58 PM on January 7, 2009 [7 favorites]
Yeah, if there was any real teeth to the truth in advertising laws, that company wouldn't be called e-MAN-cipate, they'd be called e-MASC-ulate.
posted by PeterMcDermott at 9:09 PM on January 7, 2009 [3 favorites]
posted by PeterMcDermott at 9:09 PM on January 7, 2009 [3 favorites]
Are you sure it's not because somebody heard about Menzubra and ran with it?
posted by ardgedee at 9:14 PM on January 7, 2009
posted by ardgedee at 9:14 PM on January 7, 2009
Your Mantyhose outfit is incomplete without $900 Man-olo Blahnik rhinestone stilettos. A 15-page "how to walk in them" manual accompanies each pair.
posted by terranova at 9:18 PM on January 7, 2009
posted by terranova at 9:18 PM on January 7, 2009
What's the male equivalent to crotch rot?
Presumably, they'll market their split-crotch range to address this potentially embarrasing problem?
Well, either for that or to target the indecent exposure market. I suspect these things could be very big among the dirty raincoat brigade. Pick up a pair of mantyhose and your Israeli gas-mask and you'll be good to go.
posted by PeterMcDermott at 9:19 PM on January 7, 2009 [1 favorite]
Presumably, they'll market their split-crotch range to address this potentially embarrasing problem?
Well, either for that or to target the indecent exposure market. I suspect these things could be very big among the dirty raincoat brigade. Pick up a pair of mantyhose and your Israeli gas-mask and you'll be good to go.
posted by PeterMcDermott at 9:19 PM on January 7, 2009 [1 favorite]
I kind of like them. (Shrug)
posted by ClaudiaCenter at 9:31 PM on January 7, 2009
posted by ClaudiaCenter at 9:31 PM on January 7, 2009
You should give it a try, you don't know what you're missing.
posted by zengargoyle at 9:31 PM on January 7, 2009
posted by zengargoyle at 9:31 PM on January 7, 2009
Silk long underwear feels awesome to wearer and feeler. Just sayin'.
posted by not_on_display at 9:47 PM on January 7, 2009 [1 favorite]
posted by not_on_display at 9:47 PM on January 7, 2009 [1 favorite]
Pretty soon there's going to need to be a store to handle stuff like this. You know, Manties have been around so long I'm starting to think they actually exist.
posted by cashman at 9:49 PM on January 7, 2009
posted by cashman at 9:49 PM on January 7, 2009
I kind of like them. (Shrug)
You would, you lady.
Personally, I'm happy with a utilikilt and undies. Because undies wick moisture, and I like pockets for carrying things. I think this is the next step towards super-metro-sexuality, following dudes wearing lady-jeans and guy-liner.
posted by filthy light thief at 9:54 PM on January 7, 2009
You would, you lady.
Personally, I'm happy with a utilikilt and undies. Because undies wick moisture, and I like pockets for carrying things. I think this is the next step towards super-metro-sexuality, following dudes wearing lady-jeans and guy-liner.
posted by filthy light thief at 9:54 PM on January 7, 2009
Also, dudes would have to shave, or have already hairless legs. Have any men here put on tights of any sort? It pulls leg hair up in the most annoying sort of way. And it doesn't feel comfortable while wearing the tights. Removing them is the only good part of the experience. (I've worn some skin-tight things to keep my legs warm while skiing - the tube-top was just for fun.)
posted by filthy light thief at 9:59 PM on January 7, 2009 [1 favorite]
posted by filthy light thief at 9:59 PM on January 7, 2009 [1 favorite]
I totally like some of these. I can buy into a little Elizabethan throwback masculinity anytime, on an attractive lad, anyway.
posted by Ambrosia Voyeur at 10:21 PM on January 7, 2009
posted by Ambrosia Voyeur at 10:21 PM on January 7, 2009
We do much weirder (and more expensive) things to attract a mate.
In those things you'll need to tree your mate.
posted by asusu at 10:42 PM on January 7, 2009
In those things you'll need to tree your mate.
posted by asusu at 10:42 PM on January 7, 2009
I certainly knew plenty of fishnet-stocking-wearing guys, a few of whom pulled it off with aplomb, and got their share of getting laid by adoring girls. But fishnets are a little kinder to leghair. And when you're already in the goth scene, fishnet tights are barely a five on the fey scale.
The photos of dudes wearing patterned hose much the way we did with cut-offs in the early nineties...it warms the cockles of my heart and yet I can't stop giggling.
posted by desuetude at 10:53 PM on January 7, 2009
The photos of dudes wearing patterned hose much the way we did with cut-offs in the early nineties...it warms the cockles of my heart and yet I can't stop giggling.
posted by desuetude at 10:53 PM on January 7, 2009
"...and my venous ulcer is almost completely healed..."
That sounds like a circulation problem. I've seen guys wear something similar to pantyhose for leg circulation problems. But thats a medical condition.
I could never see wearing these as a fashion statement.
posted by SirOmega at 10:56 PM on January 7, 2009
That sounds like a circulation problem. I've seen guys wear something similar to pantyhose for leg circulation problems. But thats a medical condition.
I could never see wearing these as a fashion statement.
posted by SirOmega at 10:56 PM on January 7, 2009
I think they could be popular in Indie fashion. I have a friend who designs a line called "Discrete Royalty", and I could totally see this kind of thing being popular. They would be fun as a layering piece, or with walking shorts. Don't knock it till you try it. But I do think they need to come up with a different name than "Mantyhose." That's kind of tragic. LOL
posted by Dasmall07 at 11:13 PM on January 7, 2009
posted by Dasmall07 at 11:13 PM on January 7, 2009
So the trend is going to be wearing rapiers now too?
posted by Smedleyman at 11:22 PM on January 7, 2009
posted by Smedleyman at 11:22 PM on January 7, 2009
I don't even think a pair of pantyhose on women is sexy, at all. Stockings, kinda. But, there's something about that brown sewn pantyhose crotch that just looks.. I dunno.. Off. Like it's unsanitary or something. Irrational, yes. But that's just how I feel.
Tights? Those are pretty hot. Especially on a smart girl in the winter.
posted by hanoixan at 11:36 PM on January 7, 2009 [1 favorite]
Tights? Those are pretty hot. Especially on a smart girl in the winter.
posted by hanoixan at 11:36 PM on January 7, 2009 [1 favorite]
Do women not wear panties under their pantyhose?
posted by Ambrosia Voyeur at 12:04 AM on January 8, 2009
posted by Ambrosia Voyeur at 12:04 AM on January 8, 2009
I mean, I guess I always figured it was NOT the prerogative of employers to use dress codes to create a staff of sleek-legged women with chacha sauce creeping down their thighs.
posted by Ambrosia Voyeur at 12:27 AM on January 8, 2009
posted by Ambrosia Voyeur at 12:27 AM on January 8, 2009
Man, I hate wearing pantyhose, and I'm a girl. The only time I wear them is with my Star Fleet uniform, and that's only for maximum nerd accuracy.
You are hereby excused from jury duty. For the rest of your life.
posted by trondant at 1:34 AM on January 8, 2009
You are hereby excused from jury duty. For the rest of your life.
posted by trondant at 1:34 AM on January 8, 2009
Call me crazy, but I only wear lingerie made out of dead human flesh.
posted by bardic at 2:04 AM on January 8, 2009
posted by bardic at 2:04 AM on January 8, 2009
We're men, manly men, we're men in tights;
We roam around the forest looking for fights!
posted by aeschenkarnos at 2:38 AM on January 8, 2009
We roam around the forest looking for fights!
posted by aeschenkarnos at 2:38 AM on January 8, 2009
When you take the saggy old thermal underpants off my cold, dead legs.
posted by Phanx at 3:46 AM on January 8, 2009
posted by Phanx at 3:46 AM on January 8, 2009
Those are really handsome male models with their male model poses in professionally produced photographs, but mantyhose will never, never, never look right. Maybe it'll be all the rage in the 2040s or something and I'll be that old codger who thinks his son is a homo because he wears the things.
posted by zardoz at 4:11 AM on January 8, 2009 [1 favorite]
posted by zardoz at 4:11 AM on January 8, 2009 [1 favorite]
Are they acceptable during an interview is what I need to know.
Thin tie, wide tie?
Two buttons or three buttons?
Now I have to worry about tights. When will it all end.
posted by fluffycreature at 6:13 AM on January 8, 2009
binturong, kilts should ALWAYS be worn regimental. No y-fronts, no g-strings, no Mantyhose. Nothing is worn (and everything should be in perfect working order.)
True story, I was once working onsite at "a large software company" and witnessed a gentleman wearing a utilikilt with the legs of his boxers portruding beneath his lower hem in the standing position. It was at this point I began to reconsider my support for office casual.
posted by stet at 6:47 AM on January 8, 2009
True story, I was once working onsite at "a large software company" and witnessed a gentleman wearing a utilikilt with the legs of his boxers portruding beneath his lower hem in the standing position. It was at this point I began to reconsider my support for office casual.
posted by stet at 6:47 AM on January 8, 2009
Back when I was swimming competitively, we used to wear pantyhose to practice. It creates drag (no pun intended) and reduces the sensation of water against skin. Later in the season, as we "tapered," we'd shave down for the big meets -- everything not "in the suit" (not for drag, but again for the sensation).
After enduring these two hideous practices for years, I can honestly say that wearing pantyhose smokes some major pole, and is eclipsed only by the shaving of the legs. To do both as a "fashion statement" is some over-the-top, fucked-up, uber high-maintenance jive-ass baloney. And funny looking, to boot.
Your mileage may vary.
posted by VicNebulous at 7:10 AM on January 8, 2009
After enduring these two hideous practices for years, I can honestly say that wearing pantyhose smokes some major pole, and is eclipsed only by the shaving of the legs. To do both as a "fashion statement" is some over-the-top, fucked-up, uber high-maintenance jive-ass baloney. And funny looking, to boot.
Your mileage may vary.
posted by VicNebulous at 7:10 AM on January 8, 2009
They're not actually called Mantyhose on the site, btw.
I'm always surprised that people have such a knee-jerk reaction to things like this -- it's not like anyone's required to wear them, and even if they became popular, they're unusual enough that no one's going to look down on someone for NOT wearing them.
I mean, if we're going to start heckling things that in general look really silly on men, I'd like to point out that the basic office uniform for men -- shapeless khaki trousers, shapeless dress shirt buttoned to the neck and wrists, cinched at the hips with a belt -- fits most guys about as flatteringly as a space suit.
posted by hermitosis at 7:59 AM on January 8, 2009
I'm always surprised that people have such a knee-jerk reaction to things like this -- it's not like anyone's required to wear them, and even if they became popular, they're unusual enough that no one's going to look down on someone for NOT wearing them.
I mean, if we're going to start heckling things that in general look really silly on men, I'd like to point out that the basic office uniform for men -- shapeless khaki trousers, shapeless dress shirt buttoned to the neck and wrists, cinched at the hips with a belt -- fits most guys about as flatteringly as a space suit.
posted by hermitosis at 7:59 AM on January 8, 2009
about as flatteringly as a space suit.
A blouse-y, billowy, tarp-like spacesuit that makes you blend into the office furniture.
*shudder*
Now an *actual* space suit. That I can get behind.
posted by The Whelk at 8:22 AM on January 8, 2009
A blouse-y, billowy, tarp-like spacesuit that makes you blend into the office furniture.
*shudder*
Now an *actual* space suit. That I can get behind.
posted by The Whelk at 8:22 AM on January 8, 2009
Pantyhose are overrated. It's all about the tights.
Why yes, I've owned a rapier. And a saber. And a hand-and-a-half bastard sword. But no codpiece.
No, they don't really have anything to do with wearing tights. Anyway, I'm not allowed to bring the swords to Rocky Horror Picture Show any more.
Man, I hate wearing pantyhose, and I'm a girl. The only time I wear them is with my Star Fleet uniform, and that's only for maximum nerd accuracy.
Dr. Crusher? Is that you? I seem to be running a bit of a fever!
posted by loquacious at 8:34 AM on January 8, 2009
Why yes, I've owned a rapier. And a saber. And a hand-and-a-half bastard sword. But no codpiece.
No, they don't really have anything to do with wearing tights. Anyway, I'm not allowed to bring the swords to Rocky Horror Picture Show any more.
Man, I hate wearing pantyhose, and I'm a girl. The only time I wear them is with my Star Fleet uniform, and that's only for maximum nerd accuracy.
Dr. Crusher? Is that you? I seem to be running a bit of a fever!
posted by loquacious at 8:34 AM on January 8, 2009
After enduring these two hideous practices for years, I can honestly say that wearing pantyhose smokes some major pole,
This is my reaction to the mantyhose, essentially. It's nothing to do with gender or kneejerk archaic fashion stereotype.
It's that the putting on and wearing of pantyhose is an incredible amount of low-level annoyance and discomfort that one is presumably to endure for several hours at a time. They sucked when they were de rigueur in the female daily dress code, and they suck now regardless of the wearer's gender.
So, if it's not in pursuit of a sexual fetish (at which point I say, rock out with your nylon-encased junk out), then why would ANYONE willing wear them and promote wearing them... male OR female?
If men suddenly decided they earnestly wanted to wear brassieres, I would say the same. It's not that I reject anyone's right to make a principled stand or flout social convention, it's that the particular piece of clothing is fucking uncomfortable and irritating -- why wear it if you don't need to?
posted by pineapple at 8:42 AM on January 8, 2009
This is my reaction to the mantyhose, essentially. It's nothing to do with gender or kneejerk archaic fashion stereotype.
It's that the putting on and wearing of pantyhose is an incredible amount of low-level annoyance and discomfort that one is presumably to endure for several hours at a time. They sucked when they were de rigueur in the female daily dress code, and they suck now regardless of the wearer's gender.
So, if it's not in pursuit of a sexual fetish (at which point I say, rock out with your nylon-encased junk out), then why would ANYONE willing wear them and promote wearing them... male OR female?
If men suddenly decided they earnestly wanted to wear brassieres, I would say the same. It's not that I reject anyone's right to make a principled stand or flout social convention, it's that the particular piece of clothing is fucking uncomfortable and irritating -- why wear it if you don't need to?
posted by pineapple at 8:42 AM on January 8, 2009
Truck driver tells about wearing pantyhose on long trips
This dude needs to just get some non-heavyweight support stockings from the pharmacy medical supply place. Medium compression kneehighs or thighhighs are light, comfy, and actual graduated compression for venous circulation goodness.
Also, how does a guy use a urinal with full panty hose? If he has to pull his pants down, how does that truck driver survive a bathroom break at a typical midwest america truckstop?
(and not to derail/turn this into a girlzone, but i'd welcome suggestions on awesome non-itchy comfy winter tights. until i get a askme question for next week. thx. :))
posted by NikitaNikita at 9:11 AM on January 8, 2009
This dude needs to just get some non-heavyweight support stockings from the pharmacy medical supply place. Medium compression kneehighs or thighhighs are light, comfy, and actual graduated compression for venous circulation goodness.
Also, how does a guy use a urinal with full panty hose? If he has to pull his pants down, how does that truck driver survive a bathroom break at a typical midwest america truckstop?
(and not to derail/turn this into a girlzone, but i'd welcome suggestions on awesome non-itchy comfy winter tights. until i get a askme question for next week. thx. :))
posted by NikitaNikita at 9:11 AM on January 8, 2009
smokes some major pole
I keep forgetting, this is a good thing or a bad thing?
But yeah the mantyhose have a slit in the front for peeing though I swear half the guys I know just pull it out over the top of whatever they've got on anyhow (after unzipping of course). And yeah anything that needs three pages of illustrations just to tell you how to put on? We should all be saved from such user-unfriendly clothing. Then again I moved someplace where you can basically wear pajamas and/or snowpants year round and no one blinks an eye so my opinions may be suspect.
posted by jessamyn at 9:42 AM on January 8, 2009
I keep forgetting, this is a good thing or a bad thing?
But yeah the mantyhose have a slit in the front for peeing though I swear half the guys I know just pull it out over the top of whatever they've got on anyhow (after unzipping of course). And yeah anything that needs three pages of illustrations just to tell you how to put on? We should all be saved from such user-unfriendly clothing. Then again I moved someplace where you can basically wear pajamas and/or snowpants year round and no one blinks an eye so my opinions may be suspect.
posted by jessamyn at 9:42 AM on January 8, 2009
Can you wear them with kilts?
No binturong, no you can't. Knee socks are acceptable but no tights.
posted by MrBobaFett at 10:54 AM on January 8, 2009
No binturong, no you can't. Knee socks are acceptable but no tights.
posted by MrBobaFett at 10:54 AM on January 8, 2009
yeah, but will they match my murse? i have a mandate tonight and just want to be sure...
argh! metrosexuality run amok!
posted by kuppajava at 10:56 AM on January 8, 2009
argh! metrosexuality run amok!
posted by kuppajava at 10:56 AM on January 8, 2009
I mean, if we're going to start heckling things that in general look really silly on men, I'd like to point out that the basic office uniform for men -- shapeless khaki trousers, shapeless dress shirt buttoned to the neck and wrists, cinched at the hips with a belt -- fits most guys about as flatteringly as a space suit.
hermitosis, if they are shapeless then you are doing it wrong. I can recommend a few tailors that could help you out. Seriously few things look sexier than a properly fitted suit.
Sadly way too many people wear them unfitted. With the pants on their hips and the tie hanging past their belt. I wouldn't have done that even in high school.
posted by MrBobaFett at 11:03 AM on January 8, 2009
hermitosis, if they are shapeless then you are doing it wrong. I can recommend a few tailors that could help you out. Seriously few things look sexier than a properly fitted suit.
Sadly way too many people wear them unfitted. With the pants on their hips and the tie hanging past their belt. I wouldn't have done that even in high school.
posted by MrBobaFett at 11:03 AM on January 8, 2009
He doesn't seem to be talking about a suit. I doubt anyone will dispute that men look *great* in tailored suits. But as few men work at McMann & Tate nowadays, I believe Hermitosis appears to be talking about this uniform, otherwise known as the khaki panted, blue-shirted giant marshmallow look.
disclaimer: found the image through a google search. don't know these people. I'm sure they're lovely.
posted by miss lynnster at 11:19 AM on January 8, 2009
disclaimer: found the image through a google search. don't know these people. I'm sure they're lovely.
posted by miss lynnster at 11:19 AM on January 8, 2009
They sucked when they were de rigueur in the female daily dress code, and they suck now regardless of the wearer's gender.
I'm totally confused by the hose-hate. I've never found them uncomfortable, certainly not moreso than tights. I'm imagining you all exposed to some horrid scratchy double knit poly 70's comes-in-an-egg version your grandmas made you wear to cotillion or something. The only think I don't like about pantyhose is how my nails are sometimes too sharp and I run them just putting them on. That's a bitch. But it beats a garter belt for comfort, I find.
posted by Ambrosia Voyeur at 11:33 AM on January 8, 2009
I'm totally confused by the hose-hate. I've never found them uncomfortable, certainly not moreso than tights. I'm imagining you all exposed to some horrid scratchy double knit poly 70's comes-in-an-egg version your grandmas made you wear to cotillion or something. The only think I don't like about pantyhose is how my nails are sometimes too sharp and I run them just putting them on. That's a bitch. But it beats a garter belt for comfort, I find.
posted by Ambrosia Voyeur at 11:33 AM on January 8, 2009
"Wow, those guys look so tough."
If by "tough" you mean "fierce" then yes.
posted by noriyori at 1:06 PM on January 8, 2009
If by "tough" you mean "fierce" then yes.
posted by noriyori at 1:06 PM on January 8, 2009
As a lifelong reader of superhero comics, and an ecto-mesomorph in reasonable shape, I have no problem with the idea of personally wearing tights. My major questions are: (1) Boots over the tights, or shoes? Boots would be preferable, but ankle, knee or thigh? (2) Can I wear a cape too? (3) Assuming the tights are made from form-fitting silvery material, does this mean we're now living in the Future?
posted by aeschenkarnos at 1:27 PM on January 8, 2009
posted by aeschenkarnos at 1:27 PM on January 8, 2009
AV, maybe it's a "your mileage may vary" thing. At every single price point, I find pantyhose distinctly less comfortable than tights; they're either too fine, so they slip down and give elephant knees and ankles, and looking at them wrong gives you ladders and snags... or they're too synthetic, and feel like putting on a wetsuit and give a weird unnatural shimmer.
Garters are distinctly uncomfortable too, and show under clothing, plus the stockings are always too fine, and often embellished with some silly thing like bows on the back of the ankles or rhinestones. It's as though garters and stockings today are only made as Victoria's-Secret-style playwear, rather than "yes, I'm going to be wearing these to a business meeting today, they need to be functional and reliable." Thigh highs are slightly better than garters or pantyhose but not by much.
Tights are usually made of cotton, in my experience. They were always more comfortable. I never hated tights the way I hate pantyhose.
I'm imagining you all exposed to some horrid scratchy double knit poly 70's comes-in-an-egg version your grandmas made you wear to cotillion or something.
Nope, regular old Donna Karan and so on from the hosiery department at Dillard's, where they used to have a hosiery punch card (buy 10, get the 11th free). When I worked for an elected official (late 90's/early 00's), I had to wear skirt/dress, pantyhose and pumps every single day. Tights would have been acceptable, but this was Austin, Texas, where there are about 20 days a year with temps low enough for tights.
posted by pineapple at 2:37 PM on January 8, 2009 [1 favorite]
Garters are distinctly uncomfortable too, and show under clothing, plus the stockings are always too fine, and often embellished with some silly thing like bows on the back of the ankles or rhinestones. It's as though garters and stockings today are only made as Victoria's-Secret-style playwear, rather than "yes, I'm going to be wearing these to a business meeting today, they need to be functional and reliable." Thigh highs are slightly better than garters or pantyhose but not by much.
Tights are usually made of cotton, in my experience. They were always more comfortable. I never hated tights the way I hate pantyhose.
I'm imagining you all exposed to some horrid scratchy double knit poly 70's comes-in-an-egg version your grandmas made you wear to cotillion or something.
Nope, regular old Donna Karan and so on from the hosiery department at Dillard's, where they used to have a hosiery punch card (buy 10, get the 11th free). When I worked for an elected official (late 90's/early 00's), I had to wear skirt/dress, pantyhose and pumps every single day. Tights would have been acceptable, but this was Austin, Texas, where there are about 20 days a year with temps low enough for tights.
posted by pineapple at 2:37 PM on January 8, 2009 [1 favorite]
hermitosis, if they are shapeless then you are doing it wrong. I can recommend a few tailors that could help you out. Seriously few things look sexier than a properly fitted suit.
I didn't have this problem even when I had an office job, and now that I work from home, I'm very rarely wearing more than the cartoon in my user profile.
posted by hermitosis at 2:56 PM on January 8, 2009
I didn't have this problem even when I had an office job, and now that I work from home, I'm very rarely wearing more than the cartoon in my user profile.
posted by hermitosis at 2:56 PM on January 8, 2009
Ugghhhh! Nylon pantyhose... for some reason, they give me this incredibly disgusting, uncomfortable feeling that is sort of like goosepimples but it doesn't matter if there are hairs to stand on end or not. I am ecstatic that I never have to wear those awful things again.
I don't know if this is an oversensitivity thing (I can't take "itchy" fabrics either) or what-- but I couldn't tolerize to them and always avoided them whenever possible. And on men, they'd gross me out empathically because even hearing the swish that they make when rubbed together or just seeing them can produce that feeling. yuk!
they feel nothing like silk long underwear or real cotton tights, with which I have no problem.
posted by Maias at 3:28 PM on January 8, 2009
I don't know if this is an oversensitivity thing (I can't take "itchy" fabrics either) or what-- but I couldn't tolerize to them and always avoided them whenever possible. And on men, they'd gross me out empathically because even hearing the swish that they make when rubbed together or just seeing them can produce that feeling. yuk!
they feel nothing like silk long underwear or real cotton tights, with which I have no problem.
posted by Maias at 3:28 PM on January 8, 2009
Pantyhose on a woman is super-sexy. I know that a lot of guys think so.
Not that women should wear them every day if they don't want to. But maybe every once in a while, when she wants to make her partner happy - or find a new one! Dressing up is sometimes uncomfortable (for men as well as women), but we do it to look good.
Still, I think it's weird that women used to have to wear them every day. I'd probably get sick of them, too.
posted by Jake Apathy at 3:40 PM on January 8, 2009
Not that women should wear them every day if they don't want to. But maybe every once in a while, when she wants to make her partner happy - or find a new one! Dressing up is sometimes uncomfortable (for men as well as women), but we do it to look good.
Still, I think it's weird that women used to have to wear them every day. I'd probably get sick of them, too.
posted by Jake Apathy at 3:40 PM on January 8, 2009
But maybe every once in a while, when she wants to make her partner happy - or find a new one!
My partner is not made happy by something that puts stretchy, confounding, petroleum-derivative pseudofabric between him and me. Clothing likes and dislikes are pretty socially constructed. If people enjoy or?get off on this sort of thing, more power to them, but it almost seems like a case of trying to manufacture a desire for a product that no one really cares about.
Oddly did anyone notice the URL in the post is no longer any good.
posted by jessamyn at 3:53 PM on January 8, 2009 [1 favorite]
My partner is not made happy by something that puts stretchy, confounding, petroleum-derivative pseudofabric between him and me. Clothing likes and dislikes are pretty socially constructed. If people enjoy or?get off on this sort of thing, more power to them, but it almost seems like a case of trying to manufacture a desire for a product that no one really cares about.
Oddly did anyone notice the URL in the post is no longer any good.
posted by jessamyn at 3:53 PM on January 8, 2009 [1 favorite]
“Not your mother's pantyhose!”
No, but they are the pantyhose my mother laid out for me.
posted by Smedleyman at 4:36 PM on January 8, 2009
No, but they are the pantyhose my mother laid out for me.
posted by Smedleyman at 4:36 PM on January 8, 2009
If I could pick a sound to represent the comments in this thread, it would be the sound of unnecessarily hearty laughter intended to cover up the nigh-imperceptible sound of rapidly retreating testicles.
Guys, you're men, and you think that means you can't wear hose. And you think everyone needs to know you know that. We get it. Ease up on the throttle.
I can honestly say that wearing pantyhose smokes some major pole,
And I know we were all wondering what the opinion of the average grade niner was, so thanks.
and is eclipsed only by the shaving of the legs. To do both as a "fashion statement" is some over-the-top, fucked-up, uber high-maintenance jive-ass baloney. And funny looking, to boot.
Just curious: do you feel this way about women wearing hose, as well? Or do you just expect women to do "over-the-top, fucked up, uber-high maintenance jive-ass baloney" things as a matter of course?
posted by regicide is good for you at 4:40 PM on January 8, 2009
Guys, you're men, and you think that means you can't wear hose. And you think everyone needs to know you know that. We get it. Ease up on the throttle.
I can honestly say that wearing pantyhose smokes some major pole,
And I know we were all wondering what the opinion of the average grade niner was, so thanks.
and is eclipsed only by the shaving of the legs. To do both as a "fashion statement" is some over-the-top, fucked-up, uber high-maintenance jive-ass baloney. And funny looking, to boot.
Just curious: do you feel this way about women wearing hose, as well? Or do you just expect women to do "over-the-top, fucked up, uber-high maintenance jive-ass baloney" things as a matter of course?
posted by regicide is good for you at 4:40 PM on January 8, 2009
Clothing likes and dislikes are pretty socially constructed.
True. But that goes for any article of clothing.
Hell, I'm sure it would be comfortable as hell to run around wearing shorts and sandals all summer. But the fact is that nobody really wants to see that, and so I refrain. Still doesn't change the fact that it would be comfortable.
it almost seems like a case of trying to manufacture a desire for a product that no one really cares about.
Well, I wouldn't say that nobody really cares about it. I think a lot of guys find it attractive. But then again, I think anything that draws attention to a woman's legs is attractive. Hose just happens to be shiny and silky, which is kinda sexy.
Anyway, different strokes for different folks. I'm not saying that you or any woman should wear hose if she doesn't want to. But I know that a lot of women associate pantyhose with the office, and thus think of it as unsexy. I just wanted to make the point that I, and many other men, think it's sexy, and when women wear them, we appreciate it.
posted by Jake Apathy at 5:28 PM on January 8, 2009
True. But that goes for any article of clothing.
Hell, I'm sure it would be comfortable as hell to run around wearing shorts and sandals all summer. But the fact is that nobody really wants to see that, and so I refrain. Still doesn't change the fact that it would be comfortable.
it almost seems like a case of trying to manufacture a desire for a product that no one really cares about.
Well, I wouldn't say that nobody really cares about it. I think a lot of guys find it attractive. But then again, I think anything that draws attention to a woman's legs is attractive. Hose just happens to be shiny and silky, which is kinda sexy.
Anyway, different strokes for different folks. I'm not saying that you or any woman should wear hose if she doesn't want to. But I know that a lot of women associate pantyhose with the office, and thus think of it as unsexy. I just wanted to make the point that I, and many other men, think it's sexy, and when women wear them, we appreciate it.
posted by Jake Apathy at 5:28 PM on January 8, 2009
Little known fact... the shaping pantyhose that so many people wear now? Invented by Batman/Jim Belushi archnemisis Julie Newmar in 1977!
No way! Way!
Personally, one of the main reasons I hated pantyhose was that I started working in offices way back when there were still mandatory dress codes for women. I remember being told that in the office I was always to wear skirts or dresses, hose, and heels that were over 2" high. I hated it. It was torture. My feet would go numb having to wear the heels all day, and in Los Angeles in the summer wearing hose just felt gross to me. It would stick to my skin and I longed to rip them off. If you went to work showing naked leg it wasn't professional though, so I used to purposely snag my hose and tell people I had to take them off because the snags looked less professional than my leg would. People must've thought I bought the worst pantyhose brand ever because of how often I used that excuse.
posted by miss lynnster at 9:25 AM on January 9, 2009
No way! Way!
Personally, one of the main reasons I hated pantyhose was that I started working in offices way back when there were still mandatory dress codes for women. I remember being told that in the office I was always to wear skirts or dresses, hose, and heels that were over 2" high. I hated it. It was torture. My feet would go numb having to wear the heels all day, and in Los Angeles in the summer wearing hose just felt gross to me. It would stick to my skin and I longed to rip them off. If you went to work showing naked leg it wasn't professional though, so I used to purposely snag my hose and tell people I had to take them off because the snags looked less professional than my leg would. People must've thought I bought the worst pantyhose brand ever because of how often I used that excuse.
posted by miss lynnster at 9:25 AM on January 9, 2009
I'd agree that black hose with a nice dress at night is sexy. I love that when I'm dressing up, it really pulls everything together. But I'm sorry, that nasty nude pantyhose with the big reinforced toe that they used to make us wear to work? NOT always so sexy, really. It was like being in a constantly shifting sausage casing all day.
When it came to office hose, I never really understood it when i was younger... if the hose color was supposed to match the woman's leg enough to not be noticeable, why even wear hose? Is it because a woman was being immodest by not keeping her legs covered and that was supposed to keep men's libidos in line? Because that definitely didn't exactly work. And my biggest pet peeve was how few women's skin tones actually were rarely close to the "flesh" color they wore. Lots of pale women with yellowey orangey legs. And I remember seeing women of color who apparently couldn't find their shade either so they'd be wearing colors that were way too light. It always bugged me. I wanted to get a megaphone a la Norma Rae and tell everyone to rip off their damned hose and show off their own skin with pride.
I don't miss those days. Clothes are so much more comfortable now.
posted by miss lynnster at 9:43 AM on January 9, 2009
When it came to office hose, I never really understood it when i was younger... if the hose color was supposed to match the woman's leg enough to not be noticeable, why even wear hose? Is it because a woman was being immodest by not keeping her legs covered and that was supposed to keep men's libidos in line? Because that definitely didn't exactly work. And my biggest pet peeve was how few women's skin tones actually were rarely close to the "flesh" color they wore. Lots of pale women with yellowey orangey legs. And I remember seeing women of color who apparently couldn't find their shade either so they'd be wearing colors that were way too light. It always bugged me. I wanted to get a megaphone a la Norma Rae and tell everyone to rip off their damned hose and show off their own skin with pride.
I don't miss those days. Clothes are so much more comfortable now.
posted by miss lynnster at 9:43 AM on January 9, 2009
« Older No surprises here | Bob Wilkins, 1932-2009 Newer »
This thread has been archived and is closed to new comments
posted by DU at 7:21 PM on January 7, 2009 [3 favorites]