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The Recently Deflowered Girl
January 8, 2009 3:49 PM   Subscribe

The Recently Deflowered Girl. The Right Thing to Say on Every Dubious Occasion. Full text and illustrations of an etiquette parody from 1965, illustrated by Edward Gorey. via Jezebel
posted by peep (91 comments total) 177 users marked this as a favorite

 
This is so, so, good.
posted by mr_roboto at 3:53 PM on January 8, 2009


"Then, I take it, there will be no fee."

Understated comedy GOLD, Jerry!
posted by DU at 3:58 PM on January 8, 2009 [1 favorite]


Man, who let this go out of print? 1965, one edition. Huh.
posted by GuyZero at 4:02 PM on January 8, 2009


I'm a fan of Edward Gorey and I collect etiquette books, so I proclaim myself idiotic for not knowing about this book before now. Thank god for 84 year old landladies with awesome taste.
posted by queensissy at 4:02 PM on January 8, 2009


Fantastic!
posted by absalom at 4:02 PM on January 8, 2009


HOLY SHIT THIS IS AWESOME
posted by Sticherbeast at 4:02 PM on January 8, 2009 [1 favorite]


Silly me -- I thought deflowering was the first "dubious situation". And laughed my ass off when I realized that they're all variations on the theme.

And Edward Gorey?? Magnificent!
posted by Durn Bronzefist at 4:06 PM on January 8, 2009


Brilliant: never encountered that one. However, which bit of "Copyright (c) 1965 by Mel Juffe and Edward Gorey" does Bo-Baily not understand?
posted by raygirvan at 4:09 PM on January 8, 2009


Maybe the copyright got deflowered, too?
posted by fantabulous timewaster at 4:12 PM on January 8, 2009 [2 favorites]


which bit of "Copyright (c) 1965 by Mel Juffe and Edward Gorey" does Bo-Baily not understand?

Polite:

I imagine he understands the whole of it, but would rather violate copyright and share this wonderment with millions of people rather than letting the book languish out of print, beholden to copyright-owners that care not to release it.

Initial reaction:

Oh please you can't be serious
posted by thedaniel at 4:12 PM on January 8, 2009 [29 favorites]


Spirit of Rudy Valentino appears and you are deflowered.

Yup, that's how it happened.



Elsewhere:

The best thing to do under the circumstances is to pretend you are completely engrossed in the ride - whether Up or Down.

Young women could definitely learn a lot from Miss Hyacinthe Phypps.
posted by Sova at 4:12 PM on January 8, 2009


Hhhhmmmm, any copyright lawyers out they want to see if this one is public domain?
posted by cjorgensen at 4:15 PM on January 8, 2009


Fantastic! "Going down?"

This should be required reading for every young person so they can see how utterly banal that "magical first time" probably will be, and how ridiculous the concept of your worth being measured by your virginity is.
posted by maxwelton at 4:17 PM on January 8, 2009


Proof that the Interweb works.
posted by Joey Michaels at 4:18 PM on January 8, 2009


I believe the estate of Edward Gorey has been irreparably damaged. We should probably all take our own lives now, in partial payment of our hideous debt.
posted by maxwelton at 4:20 PM on January 8, 2009 [1 favorite]


raygirvan: "which bit of "Copyright (c) 1965 by Mel Juffe and Edward Gorey" does Bo-Baily not understand?"

What's to understand? It was copyrighted in 1965. The current year is 2008. A quick search shows this book is out of print. Really who is being hurt by this? Why was 30 years not long enough for copyrights?
posted by MrBobaFett at 4:28 PM on January 8, 2009 [7 favorites]


I know this is about this (fantastic) book and not Gorey, per se, but if anyone grew up with Gorey's illustrated War of the Worlds in your school library like I did, you're going to be thrilled with this. Goddamn I love that edition.
posted by Durn Bronzefist at 4:28 PM on January 8, 2009 [1 favorite]


Coolness. Too much searching info to be displayed (at work), but this is generally assumed to be Gorey's pseudonym (duh). Good stuff.
posted by elendil71 at 4:39 PM on January 8, 2009


N is for Nonce, whose mind was blown clean off.
posted by Nonce at 4:41 PM on January 8, 2009 [5 favorites]


This is the best thing I have ever seen ever.
posted by Dormant Gorilla at 4:43 PM on January 8, 2009


Heh. A rather creepy guy I know sent me this link yesterday, but when I saw the subject heading I assumed the worst and didn't open it.
posted by stinkycheese at 4:44 PM on January 8, 2009


Damn! Just coming over here to post this! Foiled again!

(obviously this is great)
posted by Navelgazer at 4:50 PM on January 8, 2009


At first I thought this was a hoax, taking various Gorey illustrations, but from the various copies for sale it looks quite official. This is a costly thing to acquire. The only copy on Amazon is set at $125, and Alibris has the cheapest listed at $45, with 3/5 for book condition, only going up from there.

Durn, thanks for the information! I'm now intrigued to find out more about The Curious Sofa: A Pornographic Work by Ogdred Weary (by Edward Gorey). Lo and behold, Google Books has some of it available! And now I will spend the rest of my night figuring out how to best build up my own Gorey Library, based on the well-detailed Edward Gorey Bibilography.
posted by filthy light thief at 4:52 PM on January 8, 2009


I'll have to see if this is in my Gorey sampler. I do love archly-worded etiquette books.
posted by adipocere at 4:52 PM on January 8, 2009


Shockingly zesty!
posted by Greg Nog at 4:53 PM on January 8, 2009


My day has just begun, and now it is made.
posted by squasha at 4:53 PM on January 8, 2009


"Moreover, no court in the land would accept such flimsy evidence."
posted by Navelgazer at 4:55 PM on January 8, 2009


There's one on Ebay currently going for $102.50.

If your Gorey sampler is one of the Amphigoreys, adipocere, it's not there.
posted by Zed at 4:59 PM on January 8, 2009


This is awesome. Love it. And yet another reason to point out that copyright law is broken.
posted by caution live frogs at 4:59 PM on January 8, 2009 [1 favorite]


Hyacinthe Phypps was Gorey's nom de guerre?
posted by cazoo at 5:02 PM on January 8, 2009


And he answered the telephone with "Lady of the house speaking!"
posted by GuyZero at 5:20 PM on January 8, 2009 [1 favorite]


Gorey is awesome, as are these. The illustrations are amazing.
posted by gemmy at 5:25 PM on January 8, 2009


The picture of Pee-wee Herman fits perfectly.
posted by lilkeith07 at 5:33 PM on January 8, 2009


Charming. Though I remain partial to the Gashlycrumb Tinies.
posted by CheeseDigestsAll at 5:52 PM on January 8, 2009 [2 favorites]


You attend a Mefi meetup, where you find yourself getting on extremely well with a suave, hat-wearing man who is extremely persuasive. After a few moments of in-jokes and mutual snark you are deflowered by somethinghat -- a name you never quite caught in the heat of passion.

The following day, you discover that somethinghat isn't the charming, erudite cabal member that you thought was deflowering you, but is actually a fedora-wearing sockpuppet who recently suffered the most painful Metatalk pile-on known to man.

Miss HP says: This is precisely why God gave us the iPhone: so that we can check how often a potential suitor has been favourited *before* we do the Wild Thing. Now DTMFA
posted by PeterMcDermott at 5:56 PM on January 8, 2009 [16 favorites]


You are approached on the street by a perfect stranger. After deflowerment....
Righteously funny.
posted by gorgor_balabala at 5:58 PM on January 8, 2009


This is so awesome! I had no idea Mr. Gorey was a feminist:

1) You and a man have sex
2) The man tries to make you his bitch
3) You say "no, no, no" and make him your own bitch

So awesome.
posted by bpm140 at 6:10 PM on January 8, 2009 [2 favorites]


BRILLIANT.
posted by limeonaire at 6:16 PM on January 8, 2009


The time for all copyright expiration should be tied in a 1:1 relationship to the expiry time of drug patents - just to keep things interesting.
posted by xorry at 6:21 PM on January 8, 2009 [1 favorite]


thanks for posting, this is a gem!
posted by wundermint at 6:32 PM on January 8, 2009


Fabulous.
posted by chihiro at 6:38 PM on January 8, 2009


Do you suppose there's any significance to the fact that, other than in the introduction, there are no articles used in the rest of the book?

And, another Gourey fan who had never heard of this chimes in. I love everything that man did, and this is supurb.
posted by sotonohito at 6:57 PM on January 8, 2009


I have used at least five of these lines on various personal delowerments of mine. It has made me the life of many a party.
posted by piratebowling at 7:29 PM on January 8, 2009 [2 favorites]


Durn, thanks for the information! I'm now intrigued to find out more about The Curious Sofa: A Pornographic Work by Ogdred Weary (by Edward Gorey).

It's in one of the Amphigoreys, says the marvelously well-formed young man disporting himself on the lawn.
posted by ROU_Xenophobe at 7:33 PM on January 8, 2009 [2 favorites]


Wonderful. Thank you.
posted by alms at 7:44 PM on January 8, 2009


Is it wrong that I found that sexy?
posted by ClaudiaCenter at 7:52 PM on January 8, 2009


My jaw was dropped and didn't rise again for quite a while.
posted by cowbellemoo at 8:05 PM on January 8, 2009


I hate to be a wet blanket, but I don't think it is legit. The artwork appears to be a crude attempt to mimic Gorey's. It is pretty funny though.
posted by digsrus at 8:23 PM on January 8, 2009


The artwork appears to be a crude attempt to mimic Gorey's.

does no one believe anything on the internet? it's gorey through and through, word and image... I've never heard of it, but it's great. But I can't believe you'd think it wasn't - aside from the illustrations, the stories are just the right mix of silly, dark, dirty and proper. An etiquette book about ridiculous deflowering situations - it almost seems obvious he'd have done that in retrospect!
posted by mdn at 9:03 PM on January 8, 2009 [1 favorite]


The writing style makes me wonder if Mel Juffe might be a pseudonym for Al Jaffee. It's very Snappy Answers to Stupid Questions. But then why would he need Gorey to illustrate it?
posted by Sys Rq at 9:17 PM on January 8, 2009


See, here's a situation where I completely believe in violating the copyright. If this hadn't been posted online, the dumbasses owning this would probably never have believed this title to be valuable, and would have never tried to get this reprinted. Now that they see all this demand, maybe they'll get a clue. See, I would buy this, but not if I never knew it existed.

Now, how about the Lollipop Trollops? I'd love to see that book, and yes, I'd pay for it.
posted by queensissy at 10:34 PM on January 8, 2009


The writing style makes me wonder if Mel Juffe might be a pseudonym for Al Jaffee

I love this suggestion by Sys Rq; however it does seem that there really is (or was) a Mel Juffe who wrote for the New York Post and also tried his hand at children's stories, for example a book "Flash," which someone is selling on eBay:

We have a wonderful timeless LITERARY collectible with the comic novel titled "FLASH" authored by MEL JUFFE who has inscribed in blue ink on first end page "For Lorayne & Warren, with fondest regards, Mel Juffe, 10 Aug 74." The book's hero is a big city reporter Max Peiper whose efforts are to track down the murderer of his Governor- a marvelous mystery thriller and often hilarious view of the newspaper business. And Juffe is one to know- he was editor, writer, correspondent, and teacher at New York Journal-American, New York Post, Radio Free Europe, and New York University.

Not exactly the Dictionary of National Biography, but enough to make it at least possible that this real Mel Juffe might have been Gorey's collaborator. Juffe is also quoted briefly (without biographical info) in a few New York Times articles.

But I still like your idea (and Jaffe was a fan of Gorey's, after-all...), so I can't quite bring myself to say that I'm entirely sure your suggestion is mistaken.
posted by washburn at 11:05 PM on January 8, 2009


Amazon has a copy or two, though that doesn't prove anything.

I enjoy it no matter who wrote it.
posted by Joey Michaels at 11:30 PM on January 8, 2009


Just me, I guess, but I didn't like the art and the writing was just painfully twee.

And no, I'm not proud of using "twee", but there really isn't another word for it.
posted by Clave at 11:54 PM on January 8, 2009 [2 favorites]


Awesome stuff. Gorey used fake pseudonyms so often on his books that it's hard to know whether or not it was a solo work. Great stuff.
posted by MythMaker at 11:54 PM on January 8, 2009


Just me, I guess, but I didn't like the art and the writing was just painfully twee.

And no, I'm not proud of using "twee", but there really isn't another word for it.


Yeah, just you. Can we assume you hate kittens and chocolate, too?
posted by Caduceus at 12:46 AM on January 9, 2009


Just wanted to drop you a post to say that this fucking rocks, and that my wife will thank me later.
posted by chuckdarwin at 1:44 AM on January 9, 2009


Sorry Clave, I think it really might be just you.

Maybe you're not familiar with Gorey? Though this is, particularly juicy.

"To tell the truth, this whole seance is a fake."
posted by From Bklyn at 4:24 AM on January 9, 2009


Metafilter: I didn't like the art and the writing was just painfully twee.
posted by Optamystic at 5:24 AM on January 9, 2009 [1 favorite]


Having learned from Shel Silverstein, I know one thing NOT to say to a recently deflowered virgin:

"It took seven months of urgin'
Just to get that local virgin
With the sweet face
Up to my place
To fool around a bit.
Next day she woke up rosy,
And she snuggled up so cozy.
When she asked me how I liked it,
Lord it hurts me to admit,
I got stoned and I missed it."

Never, ever tell her you got stoned and you missed it.
posted by Kiablokirk at 6:07 AM on January 9, 2009


I'm still a little suspicious of its authenticity; I don't want to get my hopes up only to be dashed, and essentially everything online points back to this LJ.

But in any case, if you're ever going by Cape Cod, stop at the Edward Gorey House, where you can see lots of originals, they keep a big cat around, and a Doubtful Guest topiary is in progress. Plus, it's on Strawberry Lane, which I would have nominated for Least Likely Street Name for Edward Gorey.
posted by Dr.Enormous at 6:52 AM on January 9, 2009


Pay in Parisian nightclubs is notoriously low.
posted by Capt Jingo at 7:52 AM on January 9, 2009


The Library of Congress Entry,
posted by KirkJobSluder at 8:01 AM on January 9, 2009 [3 favorites]


100% awesome. Why isn't this compiled in any of the volumes of Amphigoreys?
posted by elvissinatra at 8:05 AM on January 9, 2009


Oh, and a google books search turns up a publication announcement from Publisher's Weekly, 1965, v. 187, p. 87.

And a publication announcement and blurb from Bookseller, 1965, no 3109. p. 371 and 457.

So with a MARC record in a major library and two contemporary citations in publishing trade journals, it's probably a safe bet to assume the book really was published in 1965.
posted by KirkJobSluder at 8:15 AM on January 9, 2009


Neat link, thanks for sharing!


Gorey used fake pseudonyms

And I hear he worked for the Department of Redundancy Department :)
posted by cyrusdogstar at 9:14 AM on January 9, 2009


I got to page 19, "Deflowered by Chinese Detective," and then I stopped reading, went to abebooks, and bought a copy for $150.

I'm not an impulse buyer. Your mom's an impulse buyer. Shut up.
posted by bluishorange at 9:58 AM on January 9, 2009 [6 favorites]


bluishorange! Would you mind posting an update to this thread when you get the book? I thought hard about buying a copy. But I thought for too long because all the sub $100 copies seem to be gone and I can't swing that kind of money right now. I'm so glad someone here bought one!
posted by peep at 10:07 AM on January 9, 2009


I certainly will. Be careful on Abebooks because all the sub-$100 copies weren't in English.
posted by bluishorange at 10:15 AM on January 9, 2009


See, here's a situation where I completely believe in violating the copyright. If this hadn't been posted online, the dumbasses owning this would probably never have believed this title to be valuable, and would have never tried to get this reprinted. Now that they see all this demand, maybe they'll get a clue. See, I would buy this, but not if I never knew it existed.


Actually, I think the practical effect on the title's value will be just the opposite. With a short length book in its entirety having been scanned and memetically viewed and passed around online, arguably a few millions of times (only photobucket knows or sure) I'd say demand for the book is diminished from when it was all but forgotten.
Meanwhile, if you've beenholding on to your original first copy, I'd bet the value is rising handsomely from all the attention.
posted by Fupped Duck at 11:16 AM on January 9, 2009


Well, if copyright didn't exist then I could take the scans, print them and sell that at Borders which would certainly be a disincentive for anybody to ever bother writing a book again.

But yes, someone should get this back in print. Seriously.
posted by GuyZero at 11:51 AM on January 9, 2009 [1 favorite]


Fupped Duck, if it were to go back into print and sell for any price under $25, I would buy a dozen copies at least. (assuming it was an exact replica - the big part of the value for me would be in the original 60's typographical goodness.) My 2009 Christmas shopping would be done.
posted by peep at 11:57 AM on January 9, 2009 [1 favorite]


Oh, the racism!

But yeah, this is a fantastic find. Thanks!
posted by lunit at 12:01 PM on January 9, 2009


Jerkcity meets Married to the Sea
posted by tehloki at 1:54 PM on January 9, 2009 [1 favorite]


Not linked to on that page, but following the sequence of URLs, is the title page of the book.
posted by JiBB at 2:48 PM on January 9, 2009


Oh, bummer! The Abebooks seller e-mailed and said it'd already been sold; they got almost a dozen orders for it today, and apparently I was not the first. The other copies are going for over $350, so no deflowered girls for me, I guess.

These are the impulse-buy checks and balances, my friends.
posted by bluishorange at 5:33 PM on January 9, 2009 [1 favorite]


Maybe, maybe, maybe this will be reprinted? A girl can dream.
posted by computech_apolloniajames at 7:16 PM on January 9, 2009


For the doubters, a few entries on AbeBooks offer editions signed by Gorey. Not conclusive, sure, but pretty solid evidence.
posted by softsantear at 7:53 PM on January 9, 2009


The LiveJournal account and images have been removed, but I was able to find an archive of all the scanned pages at this Megaupload link. It's saved as a .cbr file, which can be opened with any .RAR file utility.
posted by Kraftmatic Adjustable Cheese at 11:32 PM on January 9, 2009 [2 favorites]


Thank you Kraftmatic Adjustable Cheese, I missed the original link and was bummed till I saw your post.
posted by NoraCharles at 7:07 AM on January 10, 2009


I've republished the scans over at my blog.
posted by AccordionGuy at 10:04 AM on January 10, 2009 [5 favorites]


It looks like the entry has been pulled and the photobucket pictures are also gone. Sadness.

I wonder who owns the rights to Gorey's stuff, and if they could be convinced to free his stuff back up for printing.
posted by dejah420 at 12:20 AM on January 11, 2009


For anyone still doubtful about its authenticity: it's included in Henry Toledano's authoritative bibliography of Gorey's works, Goreyography, 'text by Hyacinthe Phypps (Mel Juffe), cover and illustrations by Gorey'. I'm quite sure the text is not by Gorey -- not his style at all, and although he often wrote under pseudonyms, he tended to use anagrams of his own name (Ogdred Weary, Dogear Wryde, Dora Greydew, Dreary Wodge, etc). For what it's worth (and I can see I'm in the minority here) I think the text is only mildly amusing, but raised to an altogether higher level by Gorey's brilliant illustrations.

I wonder who owns the rights to Gorey's stuff

At one time the rights were handled by Andreas Brown of the Gotham Book Mart, which closed down in bizarre circumstances in 2007. Now, who knows?
posted by verstegan at 9:05 AM on January 11, 2009


another vote for awesome
posted by caddis at 11:05 AM on January 11, 2009


Am I the only person who can't get this link to work? I clicked from Jezebel's bag and from here, and I still get a webpage that says "Error No such entry." on lj.

I want to share in teh awesome. :(
posted by fantine at 1:27 AM on January 12, 2009


new link - it may not last long, which is too bad considering that the copyright owners are not publishing any reprints.
posted by caddis at 4:33 AM on January 12, 2009


Ah! Thank you caddis!! That was hilarious and well-worth the wait.

My favourite might be the babysitting situation.
posted by fantine at 5:32 AM on January 12, 2009


Edward Gorey's estate appears to be managed by the Edward Gorey Charitable Trust, which... look, for heaven's sake it's not hard to Google this stuff, pull your bloody fingers out and do your own research instead of bitching and moaning about how unfair life and copyright is and how you WANT IT FOR FREE WANT IT NOW WANT IT WANT IT WANT WANT WANT WAAAAAAA.
posted by Hogshead at 8:15 AM on January 12, 2009


Hogshead I look at it like this, if they aren't selling the copyrighted work in question they've got no kick coming when people distribute it without their involvement. If it were possible to get this work with their involvement I'd join in the chorus of people calling its presence on the web piracy. But they aren't selling it, so really WTF does it matter?

They aren't being deprived of income, because they weren't earning any income off it in the first place. All that has happened is that their illusion of controlling all of the art has been dispelled; cry me a river.

If the Gorey estate had a web subscription thing where you could access all of his "out of print" work by paying them a modest fee, I'd line up to give 'em my money. But they don't, so I can't give them any money.

In my ideal world copyright would expire the instant a work is no longer available for purchase from the copyright holder. Its supposed to provide an incentive for creators to create, not to bury their creations when a random publisher stops printing things.
posted by sotonohito at 9:59 AM on January 12, 2009 [1 favorite]


Well, sotonohito, when you become king I look forward to your new copyright regime and the simultaneous glutting of all media markets and the destitution of most creatives. Until then, please understand that copyrighted material is taken out of circulation or otherwise becomes unavailable for a great many reasons, none of which have anything to do with your personal gratification.
posted by Hogshead at 10:19 AM on January 13, 2009


Hogshead Explain, please, why the government should use its power to help a publisher keep a copyrighted work secret? How, exactly, does that benefit the creators or the public interest?

As a concept copyright makes sense: give the creators (or, rather, their assigned agents etc) exclusive right to reproduce their works so that they get money and continue to make new things. It benefits everyone. We get cool stuff, the creators of cool stuff get money.

How's that apply when a publisher/creator chooses to stop making a work available? They say "hey, here's something nifty gimmie some money and you can see it!" Good, fine, excellent, I've got no complaint. Then, later, they say "wait, that nifty thing you'd like to see? Fuck off, we aren't selling it anymore." I say: "OK, I'll get a copy from someone else, sorry you don't want my money bub."

There may have been an excuse for things being out of print back in the bad old days, but we've got modern technology. Electronic copies, rapid publishing, etc makes the entire concept of "out of print" as obsolete as buggy whips. Yet you claim that, somehow, its essential. Please enlighten me, because apparently I'm to stupid to understand why its critical for the survival of the creative class that their works randomly stop being available for purchase, and how obtaining those works after they've stopped being available for purchase is Very Bad and is a threat to the creative class. Because I'm not seeing it.
posted by sotonohito at 12:14 PM on January 13, 2009 [1 favorite]


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