"Whopper Sacrifice"

January 9, 2009 6:51 AM

Burger King's (CP+B's) advertising campaigns have been featured on the blue before. But this one takes the cake burger friendship.
posted by jckll (86 comments total)

Who really needs 130 friends when they could have a Whopper instead?
posted by caddis at 6:55 AM on January 9, 2009

Burger King's advertisements as of late have been enough for me to never want to eat there again*. Whopper Virgins? I yelled at my TV because of that shit.

* Well, that and its terrible "food."
posted by gc at 6:59 AM on January 9, 2009

Grimace and Hamburglar are gonna be pissed when they check their Facebook accounts this morning.
posted by Slack-a-gogo at 6:59 AM on January 9, 2009 [6 favorites]

Burger King's surreal ads have made me want to eat there in spite of the shit food.
posted by stavrogin at 7:00 AM on January 9, 2009 [5 favorites]

That campaign is great. Looking forward to Wendy's 3conomics campaign where you get a free 99c burger for every three friends you add back.
posted by stupidsexyFlanders at 7:01 AM on January 9, 2009

Yeah, that's genius.
posted by nthdegx at 7:05 AM on January 9, 2009

My family has a saying: If we had bacon, we could have bacon and eggs, if we had eggs.

I'm not modifying it to be: If I was willing to eat a whopper, I could drop Facebook and get a whopper, if I used Facebook.
posted by DU at 7:05 AM on January 9, 2009 [8 favorites]

I haven't had a Whopper since one very hung-over morning in Atlantic City last year, and before that it had been years, but it is pretty much my favorite fast-food sandwich. I would trade most of my "friends" for a whopper.

So long, guy I went to high school with who only friended me to see if I'm still a fat nerd! Adios, somebody's teenage brother! Sayonara, chick from high school who posts constant status updates about her baby!
posted by uncleozzy at 7:06 AM on January 9, 2009 [8 favorites]

Yet another stupid application to block.

Though, come to think of it, If all those "friends" who keep sending me flair, hugs, strippers, drinks, candygrams, lattes, marbits, and all those other nouns would fall for this campaign and cut me out of their Facebook lives forever it might actually work out to my advantage.
posted by bondcliff at 7:07 AM on January 9, 2009 [1 favorite]

Whopper Blue?
posted by HuronBob at 7:07 AM on January 9, 2009

If there was a Burger King anywhere nearby I'd sacrifice my only-know-them-because-of-Mafia Wars friends for a free one. I bet there is already a group dedicated to 'friending' to get to a quick ten friends to sacrifice.
Good for Burger King for trying though.
posted by geekyguy at 7:09 AM on January 9, 2009

after a divorce and child support, i think i've already sacrificed enough for my whopper, thank you
posted by pyramid termite at 7:13 AM on January 9, 2009 [9 favorites]

Will they take Meta favorites in part-exchange?
posted by fearfulsymmetry at 7:17 AM on January 9, 2009 [2 favorites]

Yet another stupid application to block.

Done.
posted by fixedgear at 7:21 AM on January 9, 2009

hmmm disposable social contacts exchanged for disposable food. then i can go read my new cell-phone novel.
posted by es_de_bah at 7:21 AM on January 9, 2009 [2 favorites]

Oh, so by "sacrificing" my friends, they mean just "unfriending" them?

I think I made a mistake...
posted by qvantamon at 7:22 AM on January 9, 2009 [16 favorites]

I hear they'll also take about $2.50 for a Whopper. How boring.
posted by mullacc at 7:23 AM on January 9, 2009 [2 favorites]

Appalling. Period.
posted by fourcheesemac at 7:32 AM on January 9, 2009 [2 favorites]

Whopper Virgins really pushed the limits . I didn't know you could get away with implying stuff like that on regular tv.
posted by Liquidwolf at 7:35 AM on January 9, 2009 [1 favorite]

Yeah, the BK ads of late seem to be, overall, about the celebration of being an asshole.

Last time I ate there (only thing around the jobsite, car in the shop) my guts weren't right for a week.
posted by notsnot at 7:38 AM on January 9, 2009

Which of your friends would you rather have wipe your ass after it explodes?
posted by ChickenringNYC at 7:41 AM on January 9, 2009

I was only able to take about 30 seconds of that sad, sad Whopper Virgins video. I might actually prefer it if we sent Christian missionaries. At least (most of) them have the interests of the indigenous people genuinely in mind.
posted by DU at 7:46 AM on January 9, 2009

Appalling. Period.

How so? I know tons of people who favorite indiscriminately. Hell, one girl tried to friend me because we have the same first name, which is sort of uncommon, but not uncommon enough that I even felt like I was the only one. If some douchebag like that is motivated to think, "Hey, if I eliminate some of the people that I don't actually know and just friended because they looked teh hawtt/had the same first name as me/was in an intro level bio course with me once/I went to middle school with then wasn't in contact with them for 6 years because we weren't really friends to begin with, then I could get a free whopper!" then I am all for it.
posted by piratebowling at 7:47 AM on January 9, 2009 [1 favorite]

I wonder if they'll do a tie-in with Twitter next. A free bacon double cheeseburger every time you hear someone say they don't get the appeal of Twitter.

They probably couldn't afford it.
posted by bondcliff at 7:52 AM on January 9, 2009

piratebowling. I think fourcheesemac might be using sarcasm... on the internet.
posted by thanatogenous at 7:55 AM on January 9, 2009

In related news, sacrifice Axl Rose for a free soda.
posted by mannequito at 8:00 AM on January 9, 2009

I liked whopper virgins. They gave people hamburgers to eat and put them on the internet. It was a nice little video.
posted by I Foody at 8:01 AM on January 9, 2009 [1 favorite]

I think there should be some sort of criteria that these corporations should have to meet in order to call their products "food". Fat content, E numbers, amount of refined sugar per cubic centimetre, etc.

Hamburgers and French fries could be as addictive as heroin, scientists have claimed. Researchers in the United States have found evidence to suggest people can become overly dependent on the sugar and fat in fast food. The controversial findings add weight to claims that over-eating is simply down to a lack of self-control. It may also explain soaring rates of obesity in the western world. Dr John Hoebel and colleagues at Princeton University in New Jersey based their theory on a study of rats.

Businesses who can't meet decent health targets would see their 'food' taxed like tobacco and alcohol is in Scandinavia and elsewhere. That would pay for the strain that millions of (extra) obese people with diabetes put on the health services... it would also price this sort of food out of reach for its target market. It's a win/win!
posted by chuckdarwin at 8:04 AM on January 9, 2009

something something, something something something something
BEFORE THE SACRIFICE CAN BEGIN

Upgrade Now

I'm scared.
posted by Durn Bronzefist at 8:05 AM on January 9, 2009

While I don't like their ads, I do appreciate that they're doing something different. We need more of that.
posted by blue_beetle at 8:11 AM on January 9, 2009 [1 favorite]

It's unimportant whether people here sneer at Burger King or Facebook. Burger King got what they wanted out of these ads--front page posts like this.

FWIW, I sorta like Burger King and am uninterested in Facebook.
posted by aerotive at 8:13 AM on January 9, 2009 [3 favorites]

Businesses who can't meet decent health targets would see their 'food' taxed like tobacco and alcohol is in Scandinavia and elsewhere. That would pay for the strain that millions of (extra) obese people with diabetes put on the health services... it would also price this sort of food out of reach for its target market. It's a win/win!

When double bacon triple cheeseburgers with swiss and mushrooms are outlawed, only outlaws with e. coli, salmonella and rats will sell double bacon triple cheeseburgers with swiss and mushrooms. And a diet coke, please.
posted by stavrogin at 8:16 AM on January 9, 2009 [2 favorites]

FWIW, I sorta like Burger King and am uninterested in Facebook.

FWIW, I sorta like Facebook and am uninterested in Burger King. SO I GUESS WE ARE AT AN IMPASSE.
posted by fusinski at 8:18 AM on January 9, 2009 [3 favorites]

This lays important groundwork for my master plan of getting the local Cajun place to accept Metafilter favorites in exchange for delicious jambalaya.
posted by Pope Guilty at 8:23 AM on January 9, 2009

Not to scare the "I love my whopper" types here but, Burger King was my first job. I didn't eat there then and I still don't! OK fine you twisted my arm, back in the mid 90's (dear God that was over a decade ago) when I was there I worked at many different stations.

Fryers: I remember the time when I was changing the grease. By grease we mean a huge block of trans fat. Anyways to save on costs we would wait until the grease was jet black and smelled like the fish we fried in it. This process took about 3 days. Anyways I would drain the grease into this metal cart type thing and then I took the used grease out back to the grease container. It normally smelled horrible anyways but that day it smelled really really bad. My coworker said dude who cares just dump the shit so we can get back. I get off in about 30 minutes and DBZ is going to be on today and I want to watch it! So we started dumping the grease again. But the smell got worse.....gagging worse. We both stopped and when I looked in ( the only time I ever puked on the spot mind you) there was a rotting and now partial cooked raccoon, face down in the grease. It had been there for about 3 days in the Heat of July!!!! Obviously some genius (dude next to me) left the contain door open and the poor thing jumped in and drowned in used grease. I gagged a bit thinking about it just now. I'll continue:

The fry racks were gross too! (In order to save time during rushes, we had this rack with a ton of fry baskets. When you needed to drop frys, you would grab one drop it in the (eek) grease, and press 1. 2 minutes later you had some of the worst frys in the business. Anyways the day shift people would keep these stocked and sometimes when they didn't use them they would sit out.... all day.... in a hot kitchen.... all soggy and wet... with flies on them. Nuff said.

Broiler: I forget his name but the kid that worked back in the broiler looked like a black haired version of the comic book guy minus ponytail. He was greasy, smelly, and his area was always a mess. Why he got away with this is still beyond me. He worked like half day and half night, so he never really had to ever clean it. Anyways the floor in his area was always super greasy. We use to get a running start and glide on it. We had a competition to see who could glide the farthest. Some girl who weighed about 100 lbs always won it. Back to comic book guy, he would routinely "drop" burgers on his floor and then send them through the broiler to be cooked. I would try to throw those ones away but the Asst Managers would get pissed off (bunch of do nothings!) about all the waste. And if I said anything it would turn into a "he said she said" thing and nothing would get done. Also since I got to make and wrap all the burgers being in good with the asshole that cooks them was a good idea.

Which leads me to the "bonus burger". This concoction was designed by my best friend (yeah we got jobs there together, being 16 it ruled!) and me. It was a burger, covered in mustard and nuked in a microwave for about 10 minutes. The end result was the hardest bun/meat patty known to man... also the mustard gas brought tears to your eyes. We kept one of these handy for those customers that would be dicks on purpose to our ladies who had to work drive-through. We gave away about 10-15 of these a week.

Now I bet the vegetarian crowd right now is saying... Ha that is what you get for eating quickly made meat! Well.... tehe tehe.

The Salads: One of the Asst Managers there, we'll call her C would often check out the cucumbers and say this one looks nice! then give a smile. I being a home schooled, catholic boy (it was very easy to say something sexual and then watch it fly right over my head) thought that she really enjoyed cucumbers and thought nothing of it. One day someone explained this to me and wow the thought of C using a cucumber to pleasure herself..... Me/gets a whole body icy shiver.

I guess the soda and shakes are good. A little high in sugar but they pretty much come pre-packaged. All we had to do was hook up a hose and the coke was changed. As for shakes, we just had to dump more shake in the machine, which had a self-cleaning ability.

In conclusion: Do Not Eat Anywhere where there are teenagers and delinquent losers making your food in a rush that are only making minimum wage. More so if there is a huge line. In fact after my time at burger king I really have not eaten at any fast food place since. Not saying that every place was like the restaurant that I worked at but I would rather be hungry than sorry.
posted by Mastercheddaar at 8:24 AM on January 9, 2009 [11 favorites]

I stopped eating BK 5 or 6 years ago, when the couldn't be bothered to throw the composting lettuce, tomato, and onion in the trash instead of on my Meatburger ®.

Since that time, they have run ads that increasingly undermine what ever is left of their image as a burger joint that grills their burgers over an open flame, and replaces that image with one of a clown cutting the heads of chickens while masterbating with a brilo pad. "HEY KIDS WANNA BUY SOME FoOD FRUM ME?!"

Jesus, BK thanks for constantly reminding me of why it's been 6 years.
posted by nola at 8:28 AM on January 9, 2009 [2 favorites]

Businesses who can't meet decent health targets would see their 'food' taxed like tobacco and alcohol is in Scandinavia and elsewhere. That would pay for the strain that millions of (extra) obese people with diabetes put on the health services... it would also price this sort of food out of reach for its target market.

More regressive taxes for poor people, yay! Forcing low income people to quit smoking by making it difficult financially is one thing, but doing the same thing with food just seems overly cruel. Plans like that look good on paper, but when you get to the level of say, a single mother who works two minimum wage jobs, and now can't afford to feed her kids McDonalds, it gets pretty ugly.
posted by burnmp3s at 8:30 AM on January 9, 2009 [3 favorites]

Actually, the original concept for Whopper Virgins was really interesting. It started out more serious and actually was a fascinating project. They got Stacy Peralta to direct and the original concept was more a cultural study and travel documentary. But then Burger King changed the direction. According to Stacy, he didn't like the direction... and since they wanted him to be a feature in the film which made him uncomfortable, he jumped ship. Sounds like it really became something that wasn't honoring the original idea (or the people involved) whatsoever.

"...the experience of it all was cool, but I don’t think that’s captured in how it was edited. I was really disappointed with what they came up with. It didn’t show any of the culture. There was such a sense of discovery because people had never seen food like this. And they couldn’t believe Americans ate food like this. If you asked them to describe it in their culture they would say it’s a bread food. They didn’t even think of it as a meat food. There were all of these weird misconceptions but none of that is in the film.
posted by miss lynnster at 8:31 AM on January 9, 2009 [3 favorites]

Mastercheddaar - that post is just excellent, and reminds me why I avoid fast food joints like the plague.
posted by dbiedny at 8:34 AM on January 9, 2009

Actually, the original concept for Whopper Virgins was really interesting. It started out more serious and actually was a fascinating project. They got Stacy Peralta to direct and the original concept was more a cultural study and travel documentary.

....hold up, those weren't actors in the ads? They actually did that???

Whoa.
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 8:37 AM on January 9, 2009

takes the friendship?
posted by shmegegge at 8:39 AM on January 9, 2009

I'm going to treat anyone who does this to me as if they had given me up to the Unamerican Activities Committee. Like if I see them across a crowded room I'm going to start shouting "you sold me out Jack! You son of a bitch you sold my ass to the Man and for what?! For a god damned hamburger you cheap, cowardly son of a bitch! I would have given you money for a burger AND fries if you'd just asked me but no, well, I hope it tasted good! DID IT TASTE GOOD, JACK?! DID IT TASTE LIKE BETRAYAL?!!
posted by nanojath at 8:40 AM on January 9, 2009 [17 favorites]

fast food horror stories...what fun..but, guess what folks, it isn't any different in your fancy resturants... been there..
posted by HuronBob at 8:52 AM on January 9, 2009 [5 favorites]

Never had a Whopper and I don't have Facebook account? What do I win?
posted by Burhanistan at 8:53 AM on January 9, 2009

I'd probably go out and buy lunch from Burger king right now but I've seen 3 in my immediate area close over the past year.
posted by jeffmik at 8:53 AM on January 9, 2009

And in relation to what Mastercheddaar said... back in the late 80s/early 90s, I had a few temp secretarial jobs. One was at Foodmaker Co., which is the home office of Jack in the Box. I sat next to the test kitchen so I got lots of sample of little chocolate cakes which was ok by me. But then I was asked to sit in at lunchtimes for the woman who answered the customer complaint line. After a few days of hearing the things people had found in their food and reading the logs that documented the open litigation, I decided not to eat at fast food places anymore. Only time I'd ever go to McDonalds was if I was traveling overseas and needed something to remind me of home. This year I've had a few burgers, but I seem to lean towards Carl's Jr. because their burgers seemed more grilled and fresh to me (they probably aren't). More often than not if I want a burger I make it for myself on the ol' George Foreman though. Usually (other than taco stand burritos when I'm in San Diego -- which is God's fast food) I only eat fast food if I'm depressed or if other people are choosing to eat there and I'm along for the ride.

Seriously, the stuff I learned on that Foodmaker job was probably a blessing... it definitely taught me the importance of making my own food and knowing what goes into it instead of blindly eating whatever's in front of me. Definitely saved me from being far less healthy than I am.
posted by miss lynnster at 8:57 AM on January 9, 2009 [1 favorite]

Eh, I thought it was a cute promotion, although I'll agree that the Whopper Virgin was a little... off. If I had 10 superfluous contacts on Facebook I'd trade 'em for a Whopper. There's really not too many drive-thru burger joints in my neck of the woods that are better than Burger King, but I think that says more about where I live than the quality of the food.
posted by kryptondog at 8:58 AM on January 9, 2009

It's What Would You Do For a Klondike Bar, with an edgy, nasty twist.

Burger King takes a risk that the ad campaign will enjoy a brief period of wild popularity, but leave lasting negative branding impact on vast legions of "The Unfriended."
posted by terranova at 8:59 AM on January 9, 2009 [1 favorite]

I worked at a BK for 4 ½ years. Like Mastercheddaar, I saw some horrible, horrible things. Let’s just say if the human body can produce a fluid, it’ll interact with the food somehow. I still eat fast food. Like when Aunt Edna found out the dog peed on her sandwich, I just sort of shrug it off.

And with that… lunchtime!
posted by bondcliff at 9:04 AM on January 9, 2009 [2 favorites]

As long as we're discussing creepy advertising...

There were Wendy's commercials in the last several weeks where the "smiling Wendy" logo, at the very end of its screen time, moved its eyes and mouth to an umistakable "evil gloating Wendy" expression. I've seen it several times and it's always there. Mrs. Beese sees it too - invariably responding "Ewww!!" So I know it's there.

This forces me to conclude that, for reasons best known to themselves, the Wendy's food corporation made a conscious decision to have us subliminally associate their brand with confusion and fear.

Strange times we live in.
posted by Joe Beese at 9:19 AM on January 9, 2009

If you knew what went down to the [XXXXXX] before you put it in your mouth, your mind would be blown. The good news is, much like the "lower" life forms, our body is adapt at processing many, many things out there and utilizing the useful while discarding the bad. And if it's all bad, say, uh, [XXXXX] or maybe Clay Tablets, well, you'll have a righteous tummy ache, but you'll still be ok.

Having said all that, on the Facebook side, I'm rather new to it myself, and I realize there is no such thing as privacy anymore and we're the same village just on a global scale, but does everyone get requests to enter their phone number or other particulars on a near constant basis? I can't imagine why anyone would think it would be a good idea to give the database that already matrixes your circle, your educational history, your town, and gobs knows what else.. nevermind, I'll get off my own lawn here.
posted by cavalier at 9:25 AM on January 9, 2009 [1 favorite]

No comment on the quality of the food, but that beats the McD's "Nuggnuts" advertising. Really? Nuggnuts?
posted by Amanojaku at 9:25 AM on January 9, 2009

Yeah, I saw that Joe. At first I thought they were trying to turn Wendy back into a person, but instead a ghoulish, mysterious person that only shows up in logos. I hope it was a matter of the corp board wanting a more identifiable face with the brand (a la Dave), but I think the ad agency took it and turned it... darker.
posted by cavalier at 9:27 AM on January 9, 2009 [1 favorite]

I worked at a BK for 4 ½ years. Like Mastercheddaar, I saw some horrible, horrible things. Let’s just say if the human body can produce a fluid, it’ll interact with the food somehow. I still eat fast food.

When I worked at Ray Kroc's place, I had no compunction about preparing food bare-handed with a seeping cut on my finger. When a bus full of soccer kids pulls in without advance notice, speed is all. A customer was still 100 times more likely to make themselves sick from something they picked up on the door handle coming in to the store than from my drop of blood.

I still eat fast food too.

Whenever one pays more than, say, ten francs for a piece of meat in Paris, one may be certain that it has been fingered in this manner. In very cheap restaurants it is different; there, the same trouble is not taken over the food, and it is just forked out of the pan and flung on to a plate, without handling. Roughly speaking, the more one pays for food, the more sweat and spittle one is obliged to eat with it. - George Orwell, Down and Out in Paris and London (1934)
posted by Joe Beese at 9:32 AM on January 9, 2009 [2 favorites]

A friend of mine in high school instituted the 30-second rule at the McDonalds where he worked. If a food item was on the ground for 30 seconds or less, it was still served.

Also, I no longer eat at BK thanks to two 3000-mile-apart experiences with ammonia-burgers.
posted by infinitewindow at 9:38 AM on January 9, 2009

Yeah, the BK ads of late seem to be, overall, about the celebration of being an asshole.

If you sat in on a CP+B creative meeting things would become much clearer.
posted by ryoshu at 9:43 AM on January 9, 2009

Another milestone in the awfulness that is American advertising.
posted by Zambrano at 9:46 AM on January 9, 2009

I wonder if these ads met with beer ads - which tend to imply that if you drink beer you will be more popular (especially with women) - they would have a matter / anti matter explosion?

...And if so, when that explosion happened, would it be in your arteries?
posted by Kiablokirk at 9:55 AM on January 9, 2009

I've been waiting for the pendulum to swing back from the nastiness, but I think that just marks me old.

Old Doritos Ad: Crunch all you want, we'll make more!
New Doritos Ad: Get your own fucking bag!

Old Rolos Ad: You can roll a rolo to your friend.
Newer Twix Ad: Two for me, none for you.

Two examples off the top of my head.
I hate the trend.
posted by Busithoth at 10:01 AM on January 9, 2009

I started sacrificing "friends" then realizing I wasn't being credited by the application. It's a trap!
posted by mecran01 at 10:15 AM on January 9, 2009

This ad campaign is exactly like that part of Lord of the Flies when they're standing in front of a McDonalds and Piggy has his face pressed up to the window wearing a really desperate look.
posted by Blazecock Pileon at 10:30 AM on January 9, 2009

I think this is brilliant. Burger King gets people to admit that, like fast food, all of your Facebook "friends" are cheap, meaningless and ultimately disposable.

Oh, no, not you - not YOUR friends. I'm talking about everyone else's friends. I know that all 73,425 of your friends are people you know and cherish.

Seriously 99% of these stupid friends lists are self-masturbatory popularity contests, just like being proud of how many people you follow on Twitter. It's a pretense at social interaction but really it just shows how sad your life is. Just admit it and eat your fucking free burger.
posted by caution live frogs at 10:31 AM on January 9, 2009 [3 favorites]

Seriously 99% of these stupid friends lists are self-masturbatory popularity contests, just like being proud of how many people you follow on Twitter. It's a pretense at social interaction but really it just shows how sad your life is. Just admit it and eat your fucking free burger.

Sounds like somebody's got a case of the Mondays.
posted by ryoshu at 10:36 AM on January 9, 2009

All the stories that get shared about working at fast-food joints when you were a pimply teen make me really glad that, at least around where I live, kids don't work fast-food jobs anymore. All the McD's and BKs and whatnot around here are staffed by immigrants, who I think care somewhat more about job security than the average 16 year old.

Also, I know it's popular here to declare how much better you are than fast food, but for 2009 can we agree that this is assumed and just not bother anymore? In other news, man, how about that airline food? Sure sucks, don't it?
posted by danny the boy at 10:37 AM on January 9, 2009 [2 favorites]

Man, if Ducky had that many friends on Facebook, he could de-friend them all and eat forever. The result would be something like Super Size Me, so the ploy would backfire.

I like the spooky Ever-Grinning King, but don't give a jot about fast food (or any beefy meat products). Sometimes those chicken things are convenient, but when there's a 1:1 ratio of meat-product and mayonnaise, something is wrong.
posted by filthy light thief at 10:42 AM on January 9, 2009

Burger King's "new image" and "edgy ads" are the direct outcome of the corporation being owned by investment firms. That's also why so many have closed. Food quality has declined, novelty offerings abound (anyone try those disgusting chicken fries?), and the primary campaign message is completely negative.

The "Whopper Virgin" thing threw me. I acknowledge the idea is interesting and it was neat to see people who hadn't been exposed to our filthy burger habit, yet. And then they're exposed to it and I get that weird feeling that comes with wondering if we've just ruined an entire society.

With BK, the meathead advertising approach and bad food sifted us out as customers. We also work to avoid Wendy's, Chick-Fil-A, In-n-Out, Carl's Jr./Hardee's, any YUM! Brands shop, and McDonald's. Basically, they're just making it easier for us to quit being tempted by fast food.

After working at Wendy's, Taco Bell, McDonald's, and Jack in the Box, I'd had plenty of reasons to stop on my own, but knowing about all of their crap social/ecological moves sure has made it easier.

But, dangit, now I want a freaking burger for lunch.
posted by batmonkey at 11:02 AM on January 9, 2009

Burger King Blue.

Hey, he needed the money!

with no apologies to Andrew 'Dice' Clay
posted by CynicalKnight at 11:16 AM on January 9, 2009

All I can is, I've seen more media coverage of this ad campaign than I have of the BART shooting.
posted by the bricabrac man at 11:40 AM on January 9, 2009 [1 favorite]

Never had a Whopper and I don't have Facebook account? What do I win?
posted by Burhanistan at 10:53 AM

A trimmer waistline and more free time?
posted by nanojath at 11:47 AM on January 9, 2009

It's What Would You Do For a Klondike Bar, with an edgy, nasty twist.

Indeed
posted by nanojath at 11:55 AM on January 9, 2009

My pimply teenager story: I worked at Dunkin Donuts for a while, mostly in the back baking muffins and cookies. Once in a while, we'd stick a Munchkin in the middle of one of the muffins before it was baked. No one ever kept track of which one it was, so they all went out for sale. I always tried to make the munchkin a good flavor match with the type of muffin it was inserted in. I thought of it as a sort of special gift for some random muffin purchaser. And maybe a little mystery, as the customer tried to figure out just how exactly that could have happened.

And you thought it was gonna be nasty.
posted by rusty at 12:00 PM on January 9, 2009 [7 favorites]

Batmonkey, how could anyone avoid Chick-Fil-A and their delicious, Jesusy chicken? I know what kind of people they are...but it's so good!
posted by Roman Graves at 12:01 PM on January 9, 2009 [1 favorite]

I would kill everyone I know for a Chick-Fil-A within walking distance of my house.
posted by ThePinkSuperhero at 12:15 PM on January 9, 2009 [2 favorites]

Kottke calculates Facebook's valuation (in Whoppers).
posted by howling fantods at 12:51 PM on January 9, 2009

Roman Graves:
I'm aided in not being able to eat much fried food and preferring my fried quotient to mostly be fried mushrooms ;]

rusty:
That's the best teenaged-fast-food-worker story I've ever heard (and I've heard hundreds).
posted by batmonkey at 12:51 PM on January 9, 2009

Chik-Fil-A has a honey BBQ flavored sauce with the consistency of mayo. It's a Christmas miracle, year-round!
posted by owtytrof at 1:31 PM on January 9, 2009 [1 favorite]

Another BK veteran here.

No job has been so bad for my health as that one, particularly my teenage skin. Polyester uniforms do not breathe and the accompanying late-80s visor (required) served as a condensation collector for the forehead. Imagine a kind of greenhouse effect on your face, only for grease instead of water. Not a good thing. At all.

Do not buy (or accept gratis) a Whopper. Ever. You need only compare the patty in its pre-broiler frozen state (measuring about 6 inches wide), with its post-broil-belt withered state (maybe 4 inches wide, with those stripes on only one side), to recognize that what you are going to consume is not meat. It is fat. It is congealed, shaped fat.

Things have probably changed since 1989 ... but I used to offer this advice: If you must eat at a BK, get the chicken sandwich. Nobody ever ordered the chicken sandwich, the one that came on a longish, sub-like bun. And so, since none were kept on hand and ready, the chicken plank itself had to be made fresh, dropped in the fry vat on demand. This meant that your chicken sandwich would never know the love of a heat lamp. Also, the chicken buns were kept in a toaster warmer, not in the sog-prone steam-hopper like the burger buns.

Of course, I'm sure that in 20 years they've found a way to make the chicken sandwich just as hideous as the rest of their menu.
posted by grabbingsand at 1:36 PM on January 9, 2009

I lived next door to a BK in west L.A. for eleven years.

I went there twice. In '92 when the riots closed everything else down and in '94 when the earthquake closed everything else down.

I regretted it both times. So I can honestly say I wouldn't walk ten feet for a whopper, let alone sacrifice ten friends.

A big mac on the other hand....
posted by cjets at 2:25 PM on January 9, 2009 [1 favorite]

"...AND I HAVE OWNED A TELEVISION IN 10 YEARS."

*scans the faces at the party wantingly*

"...NAH ITS COOL, THE GUY FROM VICE MAGAZINE TOTALLY HOOKED ME GUY."

*periscopes about the room*

Dammit, with all the FB and BK condemnation going around, it makes it real hard to seem better than everyone else right now.
posted by MiltonRandKalman at 4:30 PM on January 9, 2009

Hey, who wants a good hamburger?
posted by Fuzzy Monster at 4:40 PM on January 9, 2009

It actually looks quite fun. Burn ex-girlfriend-roommate's-friend-of-a-friend-weirdo!
posted by MiltonRandKalman at 4:58 PM on January 9, 2009

My pimply teenager story: I worked at Dunkin Donuts for a while, mostly in the back baking muffins and cookies. Once in a while, we'd stick a Munchkin in the middle of one of the muffins before it was baked. No one ever kept track of which one it was, so they all went out for sale. I always tried to make the munchkin a good flavor match with the type of muffin it was inserted in. I thought of it as a sort of special gift for some random muffin purchaser. And maybe a little mystery, as the customer tried to figure out just how exactly that could have happened.

Rusty, that is basically the karmic equivalent of when Billy Mays fills up the container with pigs blood, lawn clipping puree, squid ink, whatever, and then dumps in the OxyClean and it all turns white!

What I am trying to say is: dude that is totally sweet.
posted by danny the boy at 6:29 PM on January 9, 2009

Amanojaku writes "No comment on the quality of the food, but that beats the McD's 'Nuggnuts' advertising. Really? Nuggnuts?"

You're going to do what with it?
posted by krinklyfig at 6:43 PM on January 9, 2009

Fuzzy Monster writes "Hey, who wants a good hamburger?"

These guys will make you a good burger. Right in front of you, too. Greasy, but excellent.
posted by krinklyfig at 6:48 PM on January 9, 2009

"Hamburgers and French fries could be as addictive as heroin, scientists have claimed."

Oh, c'mon, why would the nice folks in the fast food business have any interest in hooking their customers on their product?
posted by Smedleyman at 10:11 PM on January 9, 2009

They've canceled the campaign due to Facebook's preference that sponsors not controvert the stated purpose of the site: connecting people.

Facebook's first request was for disabling of the "you've been sacrificed" message that was being sent to the cut friends.

Over all, more than 200k connections were shed in the name of the campaign.
posted by batmonkey at 2:05 AM on January 16, 2009