Comments on: Excuse me, I think I may have dropped my SAT scores by your table.

Excuse me, I think I may have dropped my SAT scores by your table.

device55 — Fri, 09 Jan 2009 17:34:44 -0800

Smarter men have more sperm (via)

By: Astro Zombie

Astro Zombie — Fri, 09 Jan 2009 17:41:38 -0800

I do what I can to get rid of mine.

By: mullingitover

mullingitover — Fri, 09 Jan 2009 17:44:30 -0800

[obligatory fapping joke]

By: Dumsnill

Dumsnill — Fri, 09 Jan 2009 17:50:28 -0800

You can have my sperm and eat it too. Plenty more where that's coming from.

By: Blazecock Pileon

Blazecock Pileon — Fri, 09 Jan 2009 17:50:35 -0800

If you think about it, it makes sense.

By: Astro Zombie

Astro Zombie — Fri, 09 Jan 2009 17:55:57 -0800

Armless men also have more sperm.

By: jonmc

jonmc — Fri, 09 Jan 2009 17:59:35 -0800

Army men have more spam.

By: fleetmouse

fleetmouse — Fri, 09 Jan 2009 18:05:39 -0800

You can have my sperm and eat it too. Smart mouth.

By: Lipstick Thespian

Lipstick Thespian — Fri, 09 Jan 2009 18:10:45 -0800

My sperm is dispatched underground to an undisclosed location and kept behind a cement barrier ten feet thick for the good of the people.

By: Dumsnill

Dumsnill — Fri, 09 Jan 2009 18:12:53 -0800

Oh, forgot to add: WARNING: CHOKING HAZARD

By: orthogonality

orthogonality — Fri, 09 Jan 2009 18:13:59 -0800

Why is this post's title not "suck on this"?

By: device55

device55 — Fri, 09 Jan 2009 18:18:19 -0800

Because I'm a gentleman, with an advanced degree.

By: zerobyproxy

zerobyproxy — Fri, 09 Jan 2009 18:24:11 -0800

Dumb dudes drop dull deposits.

By: PeterMcDermott

PeterMcDermott — Fri, 09 Jan 2009 18:24:24 -0800

jismzone!

By: yeloson

yeloson — Fri, 09 Jan 2009 18:27:15 -0800

Think not of what your cock can do for you, Think of what thinking can do for your cock.

By: dhammond

dhammond — Fri, 09 Jan 2009 18:28:48 -0800

The smarter the men were, the more sperm they produced and the better their wee ones swam — and it didn't matter how old the men were or whether they smoked, drank or were obese. PAAAAARTAAAAAAAAAAY! *burp*

By: ND¢

ND¢ — Fri, 09 Jan 2009 18:33:52 -0800

Fuck you natural selection, we're also smart enough to wear condoms.

By: jayder

jayder — Fri, 09 Jan 2009 18:34:54 -0800

I always knew I was potent.

By: jamstigator

jamstigator — Fri, 09 Jan 2009 18:53:22 -0800

Do we now have a simpler, more effective, and more enjoyable IQ test?

By: George_Spiggott

George_Spiggott — Fri, 09 Jan 2009 18:56:01 -0800

This explains why so few women seem to be attracted to scientists and engineers. It's a form of birth control.

By: eustatic

eustatic — Fri, 09 Jan 2009 18:58:04 -0800

Scientists have suggested that smart people may score less stressful jobs in safer places and that they may make better lifestyle choices, for instance by exercising more and eating better. they didn't have diet or socioeconomic data to throw this up against? Smart people eat well, but the upper class have the opportunity to learn how to become smart so that they can eat well. this is weak sauce.

By: Rhomboid

Rhomboid — Fri, 09 Jan 2009 18:59:23 -0800

By: DU

DU — Fri, 09 Jan 2009 19:06:07 -0800

By questioning the methodology and underlying assumptions of this study, I prove how smart, and therefore virile, I am.

By: jonmc

jonmc — Fri, 09 Jan 2009 19:10:15 -0800

this is weak sauce. In a manner of speaking...

By: CynicalKnight

CynicalKnight — Fri, 09 Jan 2009 19:25:40 -0800

SpoogeFilter

By: Buzzkilz

Buzzkilz — Fri, 09 Jan 2009 19:27:10 -0800

Correlation is not causation. Nay Nay!!

By: R. Mutt

R. Mutt — Fri, 09 Jan 2009 19:33:17 -0800

Thanks Dad!

By: vapidave

vapidave — Fri, 09 Jan 2009 19:33:26 -0800

...given to 425 Vietnam War vets... "These vets, aged 31 to 44" Subtract 31 from 2008 and you get 1977. I'm 44 so I remember that war and also I am guilty of making less-than-perfect posts. Carry On.

By: aubilenon

aubilenon — Fri, 09 Jan 2009 19:47:08 -0800

Buzzkilz: For once, nobody's saying it is!

By: unSane

unSane — Fri, 09 Jan 2009 19:54:20 -0800

Apparently I have a fertile imagination. (two asleep upstairs and a bun in the oven)

By: faster than a speeding bulette

faster than a speeding bulette — Fri, 09 Jan 2009 19:58:52 -0800

Make jokes all you want, guys. I'm going to the drugstore. I need to buy thicker condoms!

By: Demogorgon

Demogorgon — Fri, 09 Jan 2009 19:58:59 -0800

Kind of a double.

By: solipsophistocracy

solipsophistocracy — Fri, 09 Jan 2009 20:13:10 -0800

Seems like there would be some serious experimenter bias here, unless there are more dumb scientists out there than we'd like to imagine.

By: Ambrosia Voyeur

Ambrosia Voyeur — Fri, 09 Jan 2009 20:13:45 -0800

Smarter women have more sperm too, if they want.

By: Forktine

Forktine — Fri, 09 Jan 2009 20:16:09 -0800

>>"These vets, aged 31 to 44" >Subtract 31 from 2008 and you get 1977. The samples were collected in the 1980s, not in 2008. The younger of the sample group would have been born in the early or mid 1950s, just in time to go to Vietnam at 18.

By: bugmuncher

bugmuncher — Fri, 09 Jan 2009 20:44:15 -0800

It doesn't say they asked the vets how long it had been since their last ejaculation. Maybe it makes too much sense, but perhaps the more intelligent ones had more sperm built up because they hadn't had the opportunity to vent?

By: Smedleyman

Smedleyman — Fri, 09 Jan 2009 20:58:12 -0800

Explains the holes in the wall under my desk.

By: netbros

netbros — Fri, 09 Jan 2009 20:59:15 -0800

A seventy-five-year old year old man went to his doctor to get a sperm count. The doctor gave the man a jar and said, "Take this jar home and bring me back a semen sample tomorrow." The next day the old man reappeared at the doctor's office and gave him the jar, which was as clean and empty as he had received it on the previous day. "Where's the sample?" said the Doctor. "Well, doc, it's like this," the man explained. "First I tried with my right hand, but that didn't work. Then I tried with my left hand, but still nothing. Then I asked my wife for help. She tried with her right hand, then her left, still no joy. She even tried with her mouth, first with the teeth in, then with her teeth out, and still nothing." "I see..." said the Doctor dubiously. "Then what did you do?" "Well, I asked my niece to lend a hand, but she failed too, even when she took it between her legs and squeezed it really hard." "Her legs!" exclaimed the doctor, appalled. "So I went next door to Eileen, and she tried too, first with both hands, and she even tried rolling it between her knees, but still nothing. "You asked your neighbor?" cried the shocked doctor. "The old man replied, "Yes, but no matter what we tried we still couldn't get the jar open!"

By: Effigy2000

Effigy2000 — Fri, 09 Jan 2009 21:11:42 -0800

HI I'M ON METAFILTER AND I COULD OVERTHINK A PETRI DISH OF SPERM!

By: aftermarketradio

aftermarketradio — Fri, 09 Jan 2009 21:18:38 -0800

Magna cum laude, indeed.

By: rokusan

rokusan — Fri, 09 Jan 2009 21:18:47 -0800

Hm. And yet the geeks never get laid. Seems like more proof of intelligent design to me. (Nobody does irony like good old Jehovah.)

By: rodgerd

rodgerd — Fri, 09 Jan 2009 22:09:54 -0800

It's easy to think that those thinly veiled racist/classist 19th century cherries like "she's not of suitable breeding stock" or "you came from bad seed" had gone away in the modern age, but then you read something like this. I'm sorry the results of a study don't agree with some aspect of your world view. Perhaps you'd care to critique the study proper, or are you just going to cry more about the conclusions? (Also, I'm apalled by your belief that intelligence and racism are linked. Do you actually think intelligence is a racially distributed characteristic?)

By: vapidave

vapidave — Fri, 09 Jan 2009 22:17:40 -0800

"The samples were collected in the 1980s, not in 2008. The younger of the sample group would have been born in the early or mid 1950s, just in time to go to Vietnam at 18." Forktine at 10:16 PM on January 9 So this is a study from a couple of decades ago?

By: Forktine

Forktine — Fri, 09 Jan 2009 22:44:03 -0800

So this is a study from a couple of decades ago? From the second paragraph of the article: Researchers ... recently compared results from five intelligence tests given to 425 Vietnam War vets in 1985 as part of the U.S. Centers For Disease Control and Prevention's Vietnam Experience Study. These vets, aged 31 to 44, also provided sperm samples, so the researchers analyzed the sperm per milliliter of semen, plus how many of the sperm swam normally, and other measures of sperm health. The research is new, but they are using data (intelligence tests and sperm samples) collected 22 years ago.

By: Forktine

Forktine — Fri, 09 Jan 2009 22:45:40 -0800

(If there was ever a moment for an "eponysterical" joke, that was it.)

By: empath

empath — Sat, 10 Jan 2009 00:01:54 -0800

When you get laid less often, you need to make it count. Kind of like camels in the desert.

By: weapons-grade pandemonium

weapons-grade pandemonium — Sat, 10 Jan 2009 05:13:03 -0800

In a parallel study using data gathered from the internet, researchers concluded that the big, dumb, tattooed guys have lots of sperm but don't know where to put it.

By: doctorschlock

doctorschlock — Sat, 10 Jan 2009 05:36:28 -0800

You're soaking in it!

By: Baby_Balrog

Baby_Balrog — Sat, 10 Jan 2009 08:24:21 -0800

Me: "Hey, smart guys have more sperm!" SO: "Then why do dumb people have so many kids?"

By: fourcheesemac

fourcheesemac — Sat, 10 Jan 2009 11:06:05 -0800

Many years back, shortly after the Clinton impeachment, I flagged a taxi in Harlem for a ride to LaGuardia, early in the morning. The driver was a dapper older African American man, whose hack license informed me he was named "William Jefferson Clinton." So as we're hauling ass over the Triboro, I ask him what it's like having the same name as the president, and he starts in on a tirade about how great Bill Clinton is (called him his "main man" repeatedly, as I recall) and how unfair the impeachment was and concludes with saying, "shit, the man's just got a lot of JUICE . . .[pounds dashboard for emphasis]. . . You can't go after a man just because he's got a lot of JUICE." If the president's namesake could have just spoken to the Congress and explained this situation, we could have avoided the whole mess. Science proves he's right.

By: fourcheesemac

fourcheesemac — Sat, 10 Jan 2009 11:07:08 -0800

Also, I like the professional white background option. It makes Metafilter look even smarter.

By: Brian B.

Brian B. — Sat, 10 Jan 2009 13:01:37 -0800

So whatever happened to that idea of specialized attack sperm? Who has more or less of those?

By: Brandon Blatcher

Brandon Blatcher — Sat, 10 Jan 2009 15:40:30 -0800

Eh, they probably just hoard more of it.

By: Drasher

Drasher — Sun, 11 Jan 2009 07:54:11 -0800

Behold the power of the fist!

By: the_very_hungry_caterpillar

the_very_hungry_caterpillar — Sun, 11 Jan 2009 09:28:14 -0800

You can have my sperm and eat it too. Natural Harvest - A Collection of Semen-Based Recipes Almost white Russian, anyone?

By: Ambrosia Voyeur

Ambrosia Voyeur — Sun, 11 Jan 2009 10:37:17 -0800

omg Semen is not only nutritious, but it also has a wonderful texture and amazing cooking properties. Like fine wine and cheeses, the taste of semen is complex and dynamic. Semen is inexpensive to produce and is commonly available in many, if not most, homes and restaurants. Despite all of these positive qualities, semen remains neglected as a food. I know, right? Total travesty. The response to Natural Harvest has been phenomenal, to say the least. Not only did our Lulu page get more than 250,000 visitors within the first week, but the internet was set ablaze with discussions about cooking with semen! Here are just a few of the prestigious websites and media outlets that are talking about Natural Harvest and Cooking with Cum: Digg Reddit StumbleUpon