Meet Fedor8, the angriest film reviewer alive

January 9, 2009 11:47 PM

In only three years, IMDb commenter Fedor8 has written over 800 reviews, the majority of which are the most vitriolic comments ever put online.

He hates nearly everything he sees, yet he'll seemingly watch anything lying on the rack at the video store. His reviews are not mere critiques but annihilations. So full of contempt (particularly for the leftists who run Hollywood), he never misses an opportunity to take a cheap shot at an actor, director or intended audience member. He does have a few positive reviews, but they are so random you can't predict how he'll feel about any given flick. But he is clearly on a rampage, tearing down one film after the next, sneering all the way.

If you can't get enough of his movie reviews, you can also read Fedor8's reviews of music, his tastes of which are as contrary and contradictory as his taste in film.

posted by Down10 (63 comments total)

Sean Penn as a gay politicial with ties to unions? and feminists?!?!

WILL THE SCANDALS EVER CEASE?
posted by dunkadunc at 11:52 PM on January 9 [2 favorites]

He's like Ben "Yahtzee" Croshaw except not funny or going to be famous (I hope).
posted by Chan at 12:01 AM on January 10 [2 favorites]

There's axe-grinding gobshites on the Internet?!!?
posted by Abiezer at 12:02 AM on January 10 [6 favorites]

If something happens, and I end up like this, someone please do the right thing and smother me with a pillow.

Sigh. He probably hates that movie too.
posted by Kid Charlemagne at 12:02 AM on January 10 [4 favorites]

Uh, I don't get it. Did he say something particularly notable somewhere? Piss somebody off in some spectacular way? Because I don't feel like "frequent IMDB commenter hates stuff" is news, exactly. Admittedly, "frequent IMDB commenter displays understanding of correct spelling/grammar" is a little on the shocking side.
posted by kittens for breakfast at 12:05 AM on January 10 [6 favorites]

This movie was literally crying "gimme some Oscars!". Hence, alternative titles could be "Gimme Some Oscars For Our Blatant Unashamed In-Your-Face Preachy Political Correctness And Overblown Sentimentality", or maybe even better: "2 Days Of Absurd Coincidences In The Valley".

Oddly enough that was my review of Crash too.
posted by Artw at 12:10 AM on January 10 [6 favorites]

The same could be said for "Grand Canyon".
posted by Marisa Stole the Precious Thing at 12:11 AM on January 10

Wow, he reviews absolute shit. Fish in a barrel, really. I admire his dedication to being a complete misanthrope. It take some focused rage/insanity to keep this up at its current pace. I picture a fifty-something year old sitting at an smoke-stained 386, pounding away at the keys and laughing at the monochrome display as he positions a Folgers can under his crank so he doesn't have to get up and go to the bathroom.
posted by KevinSkomsvold at 12:12 AM on January 10 [7 favorites]

He's a big Kate Bush fan.
posted by Artw at 12:15 AM on January 10

Nobody tell him about Freddie Mercury, now.
posted by dunkadunc at 12:18 AM on January 10

Yeah, that wasn't even very interesting review-writing. Read a paragraph of the first one and got bored.

Not trying to be ironic by imitating hatred. Really.
posted by Phire at 12:21 AM on January 10

What's more notable is how absolutely right he is, about everything. I wanted to pick him apart, because that's fun, but he doesn't say anything even vaguely disputable.
posted by Mr. President Dr. Steve Elvis America at 12:22 AM on January 10

He appears to have given Battlefield Earth 10 out of 10 purely to annoy people.
posted by Artw at 12:23 AM on January 10 [1 favorite]

This is a little funny if you pretend he's Ed Anger.
posted by dhammond at 12:28 AM on January 10 [2 favorites]

He LOVED Dark City - is he one of you lot?
posted by Artw at 12:28 AM on January 10 [2 favorites]

Oddly enough that was my review of Crash too.

That was exactly what I thought about Crash as well.
ok, not really.
posted by juv3nal at 12:31 AM on January 10

I never said he was a great writer. I am simply amazed at how prolific he is at writing slams.
posted by Down10 at 12:35 AM on January 10

juv3nal - no, that one was "'How I Learned to Appreciate Cars With Bad Safety'. Or 'Hw I Love to See You Die In A Car Crash While My Girlfriend Unzips Me' This movie is what you get when a director of horror films gets into a mid-life crisis. "
posted by Artw at 12:39 AM on January 10

Milking Milk for all its worth. "Brokeback Mountain" minus the cows

Man, that movie sure was a great gift to people who don't care for queers. Nevermind that the real leftist Hollywood conspiracy it was trying to hammer home was not about homosexuality, but rather the ongoing campaign to convince New Englanders such as myself that the south-west and the mid-west are very, very sad. Between Brokeback Mountain, No Country For Old Men, and What's Eating Gilbert Grape, I've been brainwashed into believing that anyone living west of the mississippi spends most of their time gazing longingly at the distant horizon while their fat mother disowns them for being a gay assassin.
posted by Uppity Pigeon #2 at 1:09 AM on January 10 [19 favorites]

What a trip. I watch a lot of movies, but I've never even heard of 2/3 of these films. I wonder what motivates him to watch all this crap and write essays on how much he hated them.

Mental illness is a hell of a thing.
posted by cj_ at 1:43 AM on January 10 [1 favorite]

I am simply amazed at how prolific he is at writing slams.

I'd be more impressed if he wrote 800 positive reviews. It's much easier to write a slam.
posted by crossoverman at 1:46 AM on January 10

I don't get the attraction. It's 800 very simplistic rants describing no more than three pre-conceived ideas about "the motivations and agendas of people I don't like".
posted by RegMcF at 1:55 AM on January 10

Wait, wait, - I stopped and did some math, and I'd like a second opinion of the result:

Assigning the average movie a length of two hours, 800 movie reviews require 1600 hours watching time (assuming he did it honestly). A 365-day year is 8760 hours, a leap year 8784; so 2 years at 8760 hours + one leap year at 8784 hours = 26,304 hours. By this, Fedor8 spent a little over six percent of the past three years watching movies.

Imagining that Fedor8 spends an hour per review - a generous allotment given the few I've read thus far - the total time required to watch and review a movie comes out to fewer than one per day, and amounts closer to one movie plus review per weekday. No great stretch there; that's less than the average amount of TV watched by the average American (~4 hours per day per Nielsen).

Considering math and circumstances, it appears that there's someone out there who has determined that watching less TV can lead to other pursuits, and found that the Internet is a free, accessible forum for making noise.

Where my math breaks down is that I can't reconcile my $5 fee for having an opinion against this person's reviews being submitted to "MetaFilter: Best of the Web."
posted by Graygorey at 2:09 AM on January 10 [2 favorites]

I was impressed he actually reviewed a serbian movie but apparently he's from there.
posted by delmoi at 2:17 AM on January 10

I've read a few dozen of the reviews now and I have to say I like them. A few of these that I did see, I pretty much agree 95% with ratings. It's refreshing to see vast majority of generally well-regarded movies to be reviewed as crap they are. He apparently does not care to try to write well and somehow ends up being more or less entertaining and easy to read. I disagree that he praises some movies unpredictably, his taste is pretty close to mine. His rabid-right agenda is also kind of amusing. Thanks for the post!
posted by rainy at 2:42 AM on January 10

A cranky, petulant reviewer on a website? I'm shocked, shocked. At least in the case of Milk and The Hours, it's not even clear that he's actually watched the movies in question. (Spoiler: his biggest beef with the latter is that the three female co-stars are not hawt). Please, spare us from trying to make this guy into an internet celebrity. There are so many other more deserving curmudgeons out there.

If you want to read some genuinely brilliant pans of movies that are begging for a good take-down, don't bother with this guy. See under: Anthony Lane.
posted by foxy_hedgehog at 2:55 AM on January 10 [1 favorite]

I prefer slammers to be more obviously mental (though he's obviously got a thing for lefty 'Maxist' intellectualism)... he actually shows some incite at some points.

Though only have Doomsday one star... so FAIL
posted by fearfulsymmetry at 3:32 AM on January 10

Though only have Doomsday one star... so FAIL

Wait a minute -- he loved Dark City, and gave Doomsday one star? Doomsday, the 28 Days Later/Escape from New York/Mad Max/Excalibur mashup...you mean THAT Doomsday? Versus that Cheetos-and-Sprite-smelling yes-I-spent-my-formative-years-playing-Dungeons-and-Dragons-but-now-I'm-a-cool-goth-kid-so-don't-judge-me-I-am-a-poet-like-the-great-Billy-Corgan-do-you-like-my-fedora-? pile of shit? Oh, man. Fuck this guy. That's evil.
posted by kittens for breakfast at 3:54 AM on January 10 [1 favorite]

Ah, Team America said it better -- imagine Fedor8 run through Songsmith.

I miss you more than Michael Bay missed the mark
When he made Pearl Harbor
I miss you more than that movie missed the point
And that’s an awful lot girl
And now, now you’ve gone away
And all I’m trying to say is
Pearl Harbor sucked, and I miss you

I need you like Ben Affleck needs acting school
He was terrible in that film
I need you like Cuba Gooding needed a bigger part
He’s way better than Ben Affleck
And now all I can think about is your smile
and that shitty movie too
Pearl Harbor sucked and I miss you

Why does Michael Bay get to keep on making movies?
I guess Pearl Harbor sucked
Just a little bit more than I miss you!
posted by fourcheesemac at 4:44 AM on January 10 [1 favorite]

Also, David Denby.
posted by fourcheesemac at 4:44 AM on January 10 [1 favorite]

Ah, imdb comments. Classic stuff in there. I make a point of not reading them because I get very, very angry at the stupid people. Same goes for youtube and Ain't It Cool News. John Gabriel's Greater Internet Fuckwad Theory is strong across the board.

I think the breaking point for me was one very negative review of Shining due to the fact that it wasn't scary because not that many people die in it.
posted by slimepuppy at 5:09 AM on January 10

It's like my old buddy 111 dropped his thesaurus and while looking for it found a lifetime video-club membership, so decided to devote his time to movie reviews.
posted by signal at 6:14 AM on January 10

There are golden flies buzzing among the turds, should you care to look for them.

More interestingly, this is truly the Golden Age of reviewing. Anyone can be an art critic with a substantial size audience on Amazon, IMDB, YouTube etc..
posted by stbalbach at 6:20 AM on January 10

cj_: "What a trip. I watch a lot of movies, but I've never even heard of 2/3 of these films. I wonder what motivates him to watch all this crap and write essays on how much he hated them."

Well apparently he's from Serbia or something so he probably has access to the reject VHS tapes from the 1980s and 90s that get dumped on the market and find their way to the dead end places of the world, sort of how dirt fills cracks in the pavement.
posted by stbalbach at 6:32 AM on January 10

Looking at his first 50, the only thing that I've seen is E.T., when I was a kid. From this I conclude that discretion is the better part of valor.
posted by a robot made out of meat at 7:05 AM on January 10

It took me a while to find a film I'd actually seen. But then I did.

He excoriated E.T.

That man needs help.
posted by jb at 7:47 AM on January 10

Wow, he's really obsessed with Sean Penn. Even the Che review mentions him.
posted by rottytooth at 7:51 AM on January 10

Thank you for providing me some of the best entertainment I've had in some time. This guy is a riot!
posted by mdrosen at 8:01 AM on January 10

Semi-relevant:

A Better Form of Insult
posted by dragonsi55 at 8:07 AM on January 10

What's next, a post on OMG YOU WON'T BELIEVE HOW NASTY, GAY-HATING AND ANTI-WOMEN IT GETS WITH THIS ONE YOUTUBE COMMENTATOR!

I prefer my cinematic takedowns written by David Denby.
posted by availablelight at 8:08 AM on January 10

There's a few great reviewers on the IMDB, especially if you like genre film. Take horror, for instance - folks like HumanoidOfFlesh (formerly Embalmer) who also runs a Polish-language horror review site, or fertilecelluloid (who actually watches other stuff as well).

If you do a bit of digging, and can find a few of these people who seem to watch and review everything, and who share some of your tastes, then IMDB becomes an even more valuable resource than it already is.
posted by stinkycheese at 8:09 AM on January 10

From Phil Collins: Finally... The First Farewell Tour (2004): Still squat, still bald, still talentless, and still with a squeaky rat-voice.

Tone-deaf or not, even the most clueless pop fan will eventually get it through his thick skull that buying Phil's albums was a bit like voting for the Nazi Party in 30s Germany: in other words, a secret sin that you want to wash away from your past as soon as you realize that it's no longer popular.

OK, I'm a fan.

Seriously, I was expecting these reviews to be more pointless then they turned out to be. I think he has good sensibilities.
posted by mazola at 8:26 AM on January 10

I sense a certain insincerity in his writing, like he doesn't really believe what he's saying, he just wants to push buttons.

Fascinating, how so many people's life mission is to be the world's biggest troll.
posted by fungible at 8:40 AM on January 10 [1 favorite]

the most vitriolic comments ever put online

I am so jealous of you. To think that there are people out there who honestly believe that these reviews are some of "the most vitriolic comments ever put online" warms my black heart. Cherish your innocence. I had it once. Then I joined Something Awful and accidentally stumbled across /b/ all in the same week. I'll never be the same again.
posted by lysistrata at 8:53 AM on January 10 [2 favorites]

Amazingly, the only R.E.M. song he vaguely expresses interest in is Shiny Happy People.
posted by Adam_S at 9:21 AM on January 10

He LOVED Dark City - is he one of you lot?

Oh, this isn't over. *shakes fist*
posted by middleclasstool at 9:50 AM on January 10

I'd be more impressed if he wrote 800 positive reviews.

He's like the opposite-world version of Harriet Klausner! (previously on metafilter)
posted by mothershock at 10:02 AM on January 10

Though he'd be a compelling fiction character (alone day and night in a dirty, dark one-room apartment, tirelessly spewing misanthropic hatred until someone exacts revenge), he's a tragic human study, at high risk for "flaming out" -- suicide, accident, assault, disease from self-neglect, etc. His psyche is an open wound, the reviews are the weeping pus.
posted by terranova at 10:11 AM on January 10

His psyche is an open wound, the reviews are the weeping pus.

Pus indeed, he only gave "This Is England" 6/10.
posted by MikeMc at 10:34 AM on January 10

The fact that this post has generated as much comment is sufficient qualification for the post. AT least, that's what I think.
posted by bz at 10:40 AM on January 10

I had it once. Then I joined Something Awful and accidentally stumbled across /b/ all in the same week. I'll never be the same again.

You poor soul, accidentally encountering /b/ is shock (intentionally seeking it out is evidence of a mental defect).
posted by MikeMc at 10:41 AM on January 10

and accidentally stumbled across /b/ all in the same week. I'll never be the same again.

So, I assume there are now pics out there somewhere...sauce pl0x
posted by MikeMc at 10:50 AM on January 10

Ah, not only is he a Woody Allen fan, he also likes Thatcher... which means I can now properly hate him.
posted by fearfulsymmetry at 11:41 AM on January 10 [2 favorites]

That's okay, metafilter does that service quite well, I'm not a fan of the colors used on IMDB as well.
posted by Del Far at 12:30 PM on January 10

Let's take the premise that a "frequent IMDB commenter hates stuff" or a "cranky, petulant reviewer on a website" is worth a FPP. I went through every page and read the reviews of the movies I'd seen.

First off, he really has seen a lot of obscure crud. There were probably only 20 films he'd reviewed that I'd seen. I'm not exactly a shut-in, but more to the point, he's just prolific and indiscriminate about what he'll watch.

And I don't even think he's so wrong about his reviews. Here are ones I'll agree with, more or less:
* Little Miss Sunshine (positive review)
* Children of Men
* Requiem for a Dream
* Smokey and the Bandit
* Blue Velvet
* Wedding Crashers
* Blade Runner (positive review)
* Gattaca (positive review)
* The English Patient ("flawed masterpiece")
* Broken Flowers
* Eraserhead ("Easily the most morbid, darkest movie ever made.")
* The Apartment ("The main characters are absurd and their motivations make little sense.")

And here are ones I think he was wrong on:
* The Right Stuff
* Apollo 13
* Pride and Prejudice
* Nurse Betty ("flawed but watchable" -- flawed and unwatchable, I say)
* Carrington ("an interesting film with some unusual characters" -- annoying characters)
* His Girl Friday ("One of the worst movies ever made." -- actually quite funny)
* Dr. Strangelove ("The humour doesn't work.")
* The Straight Story (slow and pointless, which is only half right)

This is really no worse a score than I'd get matching up against most people I know. All I get from this is that he has strong opinions. At least you know where he is coming from and if you read a review of his you could make an estimate of whether you would like it or not.
posted by A-Train at 12:34 PM on January 10

Well his bio is pretty telling, it's also pretty telling if you agree with him:

"Internet Space... The Final Frontier. These are the very questionable comments of the spaceship Fedor8. My mission: to explore strange new and old movies, to seek out new readers that I can annoy, to enlighten the ignorant, to crap on pretentious movies that mesmerize the dumb and the weak... To boldly write that which no IMDb prolific had ever dared to write before... I have given Kirk and that damn pacifist Picard a week to get their butts out..."

Don't send me messages through IMDb unless you're too scared of my replies: I am unable to answer you through this site, and delete all such PMs without reading them. E-mail me.

Fear of e-mailing those who are superior in intellect to oneself is a common affliction in this internet age. Do not succumb to it. Just because you sense that my powers of logic and deduction are far better than yours is no reason to chicken out like a frightened little lamb. Be brave, little One...

You might notice that the bulk of my comments are badly received: "4 out of 18 people found your comment useful" is typical for my texts. Unlike most other people I do not write stereotypical, sugary praises of dim-witted directors and retarded actors i.e. I don't submit texts to make people love me, but to have fun and say what I REALLY think. That so many of my reviews are this unpopular amuses me to no end.

I would like to use this opportunity to say "hi" to all the internet losers who have gossiped like middle-aged housewives about my texts, but have not yet had the cajones to contact me directly. On the other hand, a big "thanks" to all those who pasted my IMDb texts on other sites on which I hadn't been present before. Keep it up, kids!

Sick and tired of pretentious, truly awful - hence utterly overrated - Euro-trash dramas? I have some rather nice (altered) subtitles to send you, for the following movies: "Der Untergang", "Passion Of Anne", "Autumn Sonata", and "Cries & Whispers". Trust me, the new dialogues vastly improve these movies.
posted by P.o.B. at 1:18 PM on January 10

I've found that negative reviews are the most fun to write and to read mostly because if you had a bad time you feel less like it was wasted if you can find someone to laugh at the movie with.
When my friend was reviewing every film he saw for a year he only got a few page views until he decided to subject himself to a Police Academy marathon (the reviews start at the bottom). Once he started trashing those films he got more traffic for awhile until he started likin g the movies he watched again.
(I was there for the marathon but didn't write any of the posts so hopefully this doesn't count as a self-link.)
posted by Strshan at 5:09 PM on January 10

I'm picturing Ignatius J. Reilly, transported to the 21st century, sitting around and typing out these reviews.

The dedication is hilarious. And what a hodgepodge of movies and TV shows. Where the hell is this guy from?
posted by Team of Scientists at 1:46 AM on January 11

Ooh, he covers TV, too! I think his description of "That 70's Show" definitely makes a good tagline.

Wait for it.



MetaFilter: A bunch of diletantes overacting like idiots.
posted by grapefruitmoon at 6:06 AM on January 11

Wow, it seems like this guy is in the élite club of "The Five People on Earth Who Liked the Fountain." I've been waiting so long to find another one!

Though he indicates that the movie should have used a "true beauty" instead of Rachel Weisz, and for that, he and I will never be friends. We'll have to spend our club meetings glaring at each other, pointedly telling the other three members that WE'RE NOT SPEAKING, SO COULD THEY ASK SOMEBODY TO PASS THE COFFEE?
posted by grapefruitmoon at 6:15 AM on January 11 [2 favorites]

I love The Fountain. I even downloaded the commentary and am listening to the excellent soundtrack as I type this.

The weird thing about that movie is that I don't quite know how to defend it. Whenever anyone criticises it, I tend to agree with all their points (to varying degrees) but I still love the end result.
posted by slimepuppy at 6:28 AM on January 11

The weird thing about that movie is that I don't quite know how to defend it. Whenever anyone criticises it, I tend to agree with all their points (to varying degrees) but I still love the end result.

I loved The Fountain as well although I too have no idea how to defend it (or even explain it really.) I try to shut off my left brain when I watch it and let it slide into my subconcsious.
posted by lysistrata at 9:01 AM on January 11

Isn't the point of a review to help you decide whether or not to watch a movie? What's the point of panning everything?
posted by Eideteker at 7:14 PM on January 12