Ovary Choking Hazard

January 13, 2009 10:12 PM

Please don't choke on the ovaries.
posted by MrChowWow (32 comments total)

If I was a young man of the age of two or three, and if I managed to survive the ovaries, I think I'd still be scarred for life by the scary countenance of a purple monster that looks like it will wrap its fallopian tubes around my neck and choke me in that manner.
posted by Blazecock Pileon at 10:31 PM on January 13

I once threatened to strangle someone with their fallopian tubes...you know, behind her back, and in a totally facetious way... mostly. It would have killed two birds with one stone, so to speak - you know since she shouldn't have been allowed to breed...?

It seemed funny at the time.
posted by Kimothy at 10:35 PM on January 13

Too late.
posted by The Light Fantastic at 12:04 AM on January 14

Oh if only I'd bothered to have children before the Great Uterus Recall of 2009! Dammit!
posted by miss lynnster at 12:25 AM on January 14 [4 favorites]

If your plush uterus is NOT accessible to young children, and you wish to keep your beloved uterus, you may opt-out via email.
posted by PostIronyIsNotaMyth at 12:31 AM on January 14

This did not scare me as much as the haunted vagina.
posted by rokusan at 12:46 AM on January 14 [5 favorites]

Hors d'ovaries?
posted by benzenedream at 1:01 AM on January 14

Please don't choke on the balls.
posted by hypersloth at 1:04 AM on January 14

okay that was don't swing the balls, but here's don't choke on them either
posted by hypersloth at 1:06 AM on January 14

okay they were the same and it was somewhat derailing, so on topic, what is the allure again? Where is the comfort in turning the nightlight on and tucking a child in with their favorite intestine while they suck on the duodenum?
"Honey, he won't go to sleep"
"Well, where's his prostate?"
posted by hypersloth at 1:16 AM on January 14 [1 favorite]

"Honey, he won't go to sleep"
"Well, where's his prostate?"

Ah, living next door to the whorehouse. Always good for a chuckle.
posted by rokusan at 1:32 AM on January 14 [1 favorite]

As a diabetic, I was excited to buy the gimme some sugar pancreas T, but sadly it does not secrete insulin or stay color fast. I had more fun with the particle zoo, also at the same renegade craft fair (strange absence of Lorenzo Lamas merchandise though).
posted by BrotherCaine at 1:43 AM on January 14 [1 favorite]

or opt-out via email if the uterus is not accessible to children

A uterus is not likely accessible by children over say, a week old.
posted by cmgonzalez at 1:49 AM on January 14

Mmmm, all these plush organs are making me hungry for plush meat!
posted by benzenedream at 1:51 AM on January 14

Ut R Us.
posted by pracowity at 3:40 AM on January 14 [1 favorite]

You know, if you're really into the idea of a toy uterus but are spooked by the safety of this particular model, you could knit your own that's safer.
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 4:16 AM on January 14

A uterus is not likely accessible by children over say, a week old.

I would like to embed the "five fingers" scene from Chasing Amy here, but sadly MeFi won't let me.
posted by rokusan at 4:57 AM on January 14

It's a shame. I liked it, because it looks so well made and unique. Still, if you're looking for a plush uterus that isn't a choking hazard, etsy has you covered.
posted by sambosambo at 5:23 AM on January 14

Please send an email to the address below with the subject line, "UTERUS OPT OUT".

Does this work? 'Cause I've definitely got a reason to opt out of my uterus this week.

Wah-wah.
posted by fiercecupcake at 6:32 AM on January 14

Thanks for the first wry smile of the day.
posted by nickyskye at 7:00 AM on January 14

Kid-safe, heavy-duty uterus. (Comes with common pathologies)
posted by terranova at 7:02 AM on January 14

On the menu of King Wah, an excellent dive Chinese restaurant in Sunnyvale, California is "Guts on Rice", so your little one can safely ingest all the guts she wants.
posted by eye of newt at 7:48 AM on January 14

Ahaha. Where can I get one of these?
posted by goatgirl at 8:08 AM on January 14

Aw, its so cute. And we all know that nothing cute could possibly be harmful!*

(*offer void on Planet Earth)
posted by sandraregina at 9:00 AM on January 14

Speaking of careful avoidance of ovaries, I must remember to set a date for my fugu dinner.
posted by adipocere at 9:30 AM on January 14

Previously.
posted by Potomac Avenue at 9:43 AM on January 14

I choke on my ovaries anytime anyone walks by me with the deadly baby + puppy combo. SO MUCH ESTROGEN IS BEING PRODUCED IT IS CUTTING OFF MY OXYGEN.
posted by grapefruitmoon at 4:47 PM on January 14 [1 favorite]

These look related to those ugly dolls. Perhaps people just like amorphous stuffed things with adorable eyes.
posted by joseph conrad is fully awesome at 7:28 PM on January 14

But what if my uterus isn't plush? Why do I always have to be different?
posted by MikeMc at 7:34 PM on January 14

But what if my uterus isn't plush? Why do I always have to be different?

Well, seems to me your problem possibly stems less from owning a uterus that isn't plush... and more from the combination of owning a uterus that isn't plush whilst being named Mike. Because yeah, that's a cross to bear.
posted by miss lynnster at 8:03 PM on January 15

I choke on my ovaries anytime anyone walks by me with the deadly baby + puppy combo. SO MUCH ESTROGEN IS BEING PRODUCED IT IS CUTTING OFF MY OXYGEN.

Grapefruitmoon, this one is for you.
posted by BrotherCaine at 4:19 AM on February 10

Oh wow, BrotherCaine, I am going to have to have someone perform CPR... STAT.

PUPPPIEEEEEEEEEEEEESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS.
posted by grapefruitmoon at 4:41 AM on February 10