Is it still an honor if they nominate you?
January 22, 2009 7:54 AM   Subscribe

And the nominees for the Razzies worse movie of 2008 are: Disaster Movie, The Happening, The Hottie and the Nottie, In the Name of the King - (Which was based off a video game), Meet the Spartans , and lastly..... (Drum roll) The Love Guru. Sadly enough I have seen most of these movies. (Previously) 2, 3

Some previous winners are:

2007 - The nail biting thriller "I know who killed me"

2006 - The long awaited sequel "Basic Instinct 2"

2005 - "Dirty Love"

2004 - Halle Berry's "Cat Woman"
posted by Mastercheddaar (237 comments total) 3 users marked this as a favorite

 
I have a good feeling about The Happening. I didn't see it, but my brother did and said it was one of the worst movies he ever saw. This coming from the guy who liked The Love Guru.
posted by Sargas at 8:02 AM on January 22, 2009


I don't know which is worst.
posted by swift at 8:10 AM on January 22, 2009 [2 favorites]


Cast list for In the Name of the King:
Ray Liotta
Jason Statham
Leelee Sobieski
Brian J. White
Will Sanderson
Ron Perlman
Matthew Lillard
Burt Reynolds
Kristanna Loken
Claire Forlani
John Rhys-Davies

Brian J. White must have been so pumped to do this movie. "Hey mom! Guess what? I got the part! Yeah! Yeah it's going to be great! Every other person on the cast has starred in a major blockbuster movie! Yeah, seriously! You know that dress you wanted? Pick it up! Academy Awards here we come!!!"
posted by P.o.B. at 8:11 AM on January 22, 2009 [1 favorite]


The Happening was utter shite. If you must watch it, do as I did and watch the Rifftrax version.

As Mike Nelson and crew say, "It's like going to a Gallagher show where he refuses to smash watermelons with a giant mallet. The only difference is that Gallagher's comedy is grim and depressing and The Happening is hilarious."
posted by porn in the woods at 8:12 AM on January 22, 2009 [4 favorites]


What? Did Benjamin Button not make the cutoff date?
posted by gman at 8:14 AM on January 22, 2009


I like the theory that Uwe Boll gets these people for his movies because he offers them their secret heart's desire in a way no other director ever would: Tara Reid gets to be a brilliant scientist, Ben Kingsley gets to be a goofy ham in vampire teeth, etc. The only competing theory is that he's holding people's families hostage, and I find that idea a little upsetting, if believable.

Everyone should see I Know Who Killed Me. It's just...you really need to see it. Or at least try to.
posted by kittens for breakfast at 8:16 AM on January 22, 2009 [1 favorite]


swift- That's not very nice, could you make the OP feel any worst?

Also, I still think the lifetime achievement Razzie should definitely go to Dreamcatcher. When I talk to my film loving friend, that's still our benchmark for the remarkably terrible movie. "Was it bad, or was it Dreamcatcher bad?"
posted by rollbiz at 8:17 AM on January 22, 2009 [3 favorites]


I don't know which is worst.
posted by swift at 8:10 AM on January 22 [+] [!]

I'd have to say either The Happening or The Love Guru. Both of these movies were made with the intent of being good movies. I am also perplexed how Max Payne didn't make this list either.
posted by Mastercheddaar at 8:19 AM on January 22, 2009


Disaster Movie: Directors / Writers: Jason Friedberg and Aaron Seltzer

Meet the Spartans: Directors / Writers: Jason Friedberg and Aaron Seltzer

WHO KEEPS GIVING THEM MONEY TO DO THIS?
posted by mrzarquon at 8:19 AM on January 22, 2009 [6 favorites]


The Happening was stunningly, aggressively bad.
posted by M.C. Lo-Carb! at 8:19 AM on January 22, 2009 [4 favorites]


the Happening: Worst example of false advertising since Neverending Story
posted by stupidsexyFlanders at 8:20 AM on January 22, 2009 [13 favorites]


Heeeeeyyy, I liked The Happening...no...no I didn't. When I watched I Know Who Killed Me, I started halfway in. I kept thinking WTF is this and when did Lohan play a stripper in a movie!? That movie is a long way from Disney, and probably why she did it.
posted by P.o.B. at 8:22 AM on January 22, 2009


The only one of these that I saw was I Know Who Killed Me, and it honestly wasn't outlandishly bad. Don't get me wrong; it wasn't at all good. It just wasn't jaw-droppingly awful, the way the previews for Love Guru were.

I think the worst movie I've ever seen was The Da Vinci Code. Without even touching upon the wooden acting of both Hanks and Tautou, or the maddening way that the simplest "riddles" were spelled out for the audience, the script was simply not ready for production, period. It was surprisingly amateurish, although from what I hear it was very faithful to the book.
posted by Marisa Stole the Precious Thing at 8:22 AM on January 22, 2009 [1 favorite]


The Da Vinci Code [...] was surprisingly amateurish, although from what I hear it was very faithful to the book.

The book was trash, but it was page-turning trash. I read it in record pace and hated myself all the while. The movie wasn't even interesting, let alone exciting. I may have, in fact, fallen asleep.
posted by uncleozzy at 8:28 AM on January 22, 2009 [6 favorites]


when did Lohan play a stripper in a movie!?

She hasn't.

If you don't show nipples, you're not playing a stripper. You're trying to gain some kind of credibility from having played a stripper, but without having been willing to deliver the merchandise. [see: Portman, Natalie]

I have no respect for this.
posted by Joe Beese at 8:30 AM on January 22, 2009 [1 favorite]


Haven't seen any of these films.

But the Da Vinci Code film was horrible. Some things work better in fantasy, especially with the cheese factor that book has.
posted by flippant at 8:35 AM on January 22, 2009



If you don't show nipples, you're not playing a stripper. You're trying to gain some kind of credibility from having played a stripper, but without having been willing to deliver the merchandise. [see: Portman, Natalie]

I have no respect for this.


Damn straight, and if you don't actually have sex with strangers for money you haven't played a prostitute, and if you haven't actually arrested people you haven't played a cop. AMIRITE?
posted by minifigs at 8:36 AM on January 22, 2009 [9 favorites]


Apparently Uwe Boll will not be getting his Lifetime Achievement Award this year, either.
posted by louche mustachio at 8:36 AM on January 22, 2009


WHO KEEPS GIVING THEM MONEY TO DO THIS?
posted by Artw at 8:37 AM on January 22, 2009


Sadly enough I have seen most of these movies.

If you did things right -- let other people be the guinea pigs -- you would have seen none of them. Always wait until friends or reviewers you trust come back with good opinions before taking a chance on throwing your money and evening away on a movie. Even if you know (?) the movie's going to be great, you still ought to wait until the first-weekend herd wanders away. You have lived your entire life without the next Mike Myers movie; you can wait a couple of weeks longer.
posted by pracowity at 8:38 AM on January 22, 2009 [1 favorite]


Three words: Mission to Mars.
posted by spikeleemajortomdickandharryconnickjrmints at 8:38 AM on January 22, 2009 [3 favorites]


I am also perplexed how Max Payne didn't make this list either.

OH, NO YOU DI'NT! That movie was bad, but awesome to experience. People being randomly murdered with no explanation whatsoever. Henchmen randomly shooting anything and everything, including their own drug factory. Mark Wahlberg taking at least three bullets, one at point blank range, and they never even slowed him down. Come on, you have to enjoy that! Like when I went to see Babylon A.D. and realized a third of the way in they actually showed the climax in the trailers. I thought, well I enjoyed myself anyway.
posted by P.o.B. at 8:39 AM on January 22, 2009 [1 favorite]


I'm a big fan of bad movies. My friends told me that The Happening was deliriously bad. I was sceptical as my idea of a bad movie is Anklebiters or Shark Attack 3. The Happening did not disappoint. It was amazing in its unintentional hilariousness. I could list so many parts of that movie that had me in stitches, but man, it deserves to win.

I've only seen In The Name of the King of the other movies, though. It's bad, but it's not Bloodrayne bad... It's a shame. Uwe Boll has become a better director, which means his movies now are just boring, below mediocre and only occasionally bad enough to be funny.

Haven't seen the other nominees because as are a different kind of bad and are trying to be actually funny.
posted by slimepuppy at 8:40 AM on January 22, 2009 [1 favorite]


What? Did Benjamin Button not make the cutoff date?
posted by gman


No, it actually made a different list.

Too bad Fincher is going to finally get some major recognition for his worst movie. Something he even claims his heart wasn't really in.
posted by Drainage! at 8:41 AM on January 22, 2009


Is John Rhys-Davies in all of these?
posted by Mister_A at 8:42 AM on January 22, 2009


I wouldn’t exactly say Benjamin Button was bad, but it seemed very odd to put so much money and effort into something that was so slight – really it should have been an episode of Steven Spielberg’s Amazing Stories staring Tom Hanks.

Also what was the point of the whole Katrina thing?
posted by Artw at 8:44 AM on January 22, 2009


I think the point was OMGBUSH!
posted by Mister_A at 8:46 AM on January 22, 2009


Sadly I suspect you are right.

Also that last little monologe about everyone being a special snowflake in their own way seemed to have fuck all abou t the story we'd just seen, which was largely about how everyone is just wormfood in the end.
posted by Artw at 8:50 AM on January 22, 2009


2004 - Halle Berry's "Cat Woman" acceptance speech.
posted by P.o.B. at 8:53 AM on January 22, 2009 [3 favorites]


Always wait until friends or reviewers you trust come back with good opinions before taking a chance on throwing your money and evening away on a movie.

No way. The next time my bad movie watching friends and I get together, we're doing as triple feature of Max Payne, Transporter 3 and Punisher War Zone.

Heeeeeell yeeeeaaaah.
posted by adamdschneider at 8:54 AM on January 22, 2009


Almost 20 years on, Highlander II is still the worst movie I've ever seen.
posted by vibrotronica at 8:58 AM on January 22, 2009 [4 favorites]


Wait, they made a movie from a video game in which the entire plot is "run down the road and kill monsters?" Granted, just mechanically running down roads and killing monsters is about 90% of what you do in any CRPG, but the original Dungeon Siege was a strictly limited and linear world, with minimal interactions with setting and other characters, and a opening cut-scene narration that had almost nothing to do with the simplistic plot events you trigger by running down the road and killing monsters.
posted by KirkJobSluder at 8:58 AM on January 22, 2009


The only one of these that I saw was I Know Who Killed Me, and it honestly wasn't outlandishly bad. Don't get me wrong; it wasn't at all good. It just wasn't jaw-droppingly awful

I sort of agree...it is jaw-dropping, but "jaw-droppingly awful" implies overall shittiness in some normal, conventional way that isn't a factor here. It's more that there's a staggering array of bad ideas, weird ideas, impossible-to-grapple-with tonal shifts, shockingly bad acting, and poorly staged set-pieces that -- in accumulation -- result in a film unlike any I have ever seen. Unfortunately, that film is terrible, but it's also kind of fascinating.
posted by kittens for breakfast at 9:02 AM on January 22, 2009 [2 favorites]


MetaFilter: Running Down the Road and Killing Monsters.
posted by Mister_A at 9:02 AM on January 22, 2009


Almost 20 years on, Highlander II is still the worst movie I've ever seen.

That's probably still the worst movie I saw in the theaters, anyway. Ye gods.

I quit intentionally watching bad movies after Battlefield Earth. It just wasn't funny anymore.
posted by Bookhouse at 9:04 AM on January 22, 2009 [3 favorites]


The Spirit was robbed.
posted by Doktor Zed at 9:04 AM on January 22, 2009


> Uwe Boll gets these people for his movies because he offers them their secret heart's desire

I thought it was because he secretly negotiates their contracts with the actors' agents, and then offers to release them if they successfully defeat him in a boxing match.
posted by ardgedee at 9:06 AM on January 22, 2009


When I talk to my film loving friend, that's still our benchmark for the remarkably terrible movie. "Was it bad, or was it Dreamcatcher bad?"

I enjoyed the hell out of that movie when I saw it in theaters, mostly because I wasn't sure whether it was one of the worst movies I'd ever seen or whether it was a borderline brilliant absurdist comedy.

"Duddits!"
posted by brundlefly at 9:06 AM on January 22, 2009 [3 favorites]


when did Lohan play a stripper in a movie!?

She hasn't.

If you don't show nipples, you're not playing a stripper. You're trying to gain some kind of credibility from having played a stripper, but without having been willing to deliver the merchandise. [see: Portman, Natalie]

I have no respect for this
.

Oh, right, the Nipple-Threshold Act that strictly defined "stripping" once and for all. See also the "stripper credibility effect" to learn the guidelines for earning your Official Stripper Portrayal Badge for your Character Sash or Vest.

what
posted by desuetude at 9:07 AM on January 22, 2009 [5 favorites]


Wait, Friedberg/Seltzer did TWO "spoofs" this year? That means they did at least four weeks of work, all told!
posted by brundlefly at 9:09 AM on January 22, 2009


Does Marky Mark have a frontal lobe or just like a cheeseburger perched on top of his spinal column? Flat Affect for days yo, Max Payne Jesus wept.
posted by Divine_Wino at 9:11 AM on January 22, 2009 [2 favorites]


Timothy Olyphant was in Dreamcatcher?
posted by Mister_A at 9:11 AM on January 22, 2009


I Know Who Killed Me is a phenomenal bad movie. I recommend it to anyone and everyone. I saw it in theatres, and it is the only time I've ever seen a terrible film get a rousing round of applause from the audience.
posted by yellowbinder at 9:11 AM on January 22, 2009 [2 favorites]


To help identify the coming year's contenders, here's a trailer for Valkyrie revised for historical accuracy (contains some distressing historical footage).
posted by Abiezer at 9:11 AM on January 22, 2009 [1 favorite]


My top two worst movies ever are Mission to Mars and Caveman's Valentine. Seriously CAVEMAN'S VALENTINE.
posted by mattbucher at 9:12 AM on January 22, 2009


When I first saw the Benjamin Button trailers, I was sure it was some renaming effort because Max Tivoli was too weird a name or something, and I wasn't alone. Though it was based off of a 1922 F. Scott Fitzgerald story, the trailer still creeps me out, much in the way The Polar Express did.

Jason Friedberg and Aaron Seltzer have made NINE films together, and IMDB ranks Disaster Movie the lowest (1.5), compared to the epic high of the first Scary Movie (5.9). I think that their "success" with the Scary Movie franchise keeps them employed (#2 is the only one with an IMDB rating below 5).

For these movies, the IMDB ratings are the most telling. Critics spend time dissecting movies (in theory), where the movie viewers can just get caught up in the dumb humor. Kinda like Kevin Smith's Jersey Girl (which ranked higher than any Friedberg/Seltzer movie) - maybe it's not for you.
posted by filthy light thief at 9:12 AM on January 22, 2009


Welcome to BAD MOVIES CONTINUE TO MAKE A LOT OF MONEY, part 3: JESUS, NOT AGAIN, FUCK, WHY DOES THIS KEEP HAPPENING
posted by tehloki at 9:13 AM on January 22, 2009 [5 favorites]


Nice try mattbucher, now feel the power of Reptilicus!
posted by Mister_A at 9:13 AM on January 22, 2009


I quit intentionally watching bad movies after Battlefield Earth. It just wasn't funny anymore.

It's funny you mention that. I used to have a close-knit group of friends that would meet regularly to drink copious amounts of alcohol and celebrate bad film, the sort of thing everyone has done at least once in this post-MST3K world. The very last film we watched together was BE. We stopped mocking the film and just started watching about half an hour in, because the movie was doing a far better job of mocking itself than we were.

It totally took the piss out of us. We ended the film with a kind of a depressed nod and a "Well, that happened." I've never encountered anything like it. We were drunk and watching bad sci-fi in the middle of a Sunday, which everyone knows is supposed to be a joyous occasion, but we were sad. I remember wanting to go home and take a nap.

It's a monumental achievement, when you think about it: a film that is so bad that it can potentially destroy even your fondness for watching bad film. That's some pretty meta shit, right there. That's tapping into a power that could destroy us all.
posted by middleclasstool at 9:14 AM on January 22, 2009 [39 favorites]


Wow, are these movies all worse than 88 Minutes? That was the worst one I saw. And it was on a personal loan from my boyfriend's dad. He thought I'd love it like he did. Oh, ow. Ow. Sorry, buddy, no.

It's a huge game of "keep the audience guessing by sheer virtue of implausibility."
posted by Ambrosia Voyeur at 9:16 AM on January 22, 2009


It totally took the piss out of us. We ended the film with a kind of a depressed nod and a "Well, that happened." I've never encountered anything like it. We were drunk and watching bad sci-fi in the middle of a Sunday, which everyone knows is supposed to be a joyous occasion, but we were sad. I remember wanting to go home and take a nap.

Exactly my experience, minus the booze.
posted by Bookhouse at 9:18 AM on January 22, 2009


If you don't show nipples, you're not playing a stripper.

Yeah, and if you don't perform medicine, you're not playing a doctor. You're not delivering the (sexy sexy) doctorin' merchandise. Also, some strippers don't bare nipples at all anyhow. You need to get out more, pervy stripper nipple stickler.
posted by Ambrosia Voyeur at 9:20 AM on January 22, 2009 [9 favorites]


I quit intentionally watching bad movies after Battlefield Earth. It just wasn't funny anymore.

I watched about 15 minutes of this movie once. I came in on the part where the cavemen learn to be top gun pilots in less than 30 minutes. That was so bad I couldn't focus on Travolta's excellent acting job. What the hell was he suppose to be anyways?

I remember changing the channel when a commercial came on and telling himself to never watch it again.
posted by Mastercheddaar at 9:23 AM on January 22, 2009


I will watch any old shit with spaceships, but i couldn't finish watching that.

It's the anti-life formula!
posted by Artw at 9:24 AM on January 22, 2009 [2 favorites]


What the hell was he suppose to be anyways?

An evil alien from Camden market.
posted by Artw at 9:24 AM on January 22, 2009 [3 favorites]


Sadly enough I have seen most of these movies.

Happily, I haven't even heard of most of these movies. I'm content to be a cultural parasite. If enough people talk about a movie/book/TV show for long enough, it eventually reaches my brain and I'll consider it.
posted by DU at 9:27 AM on January 22, 2009


In the Name of the King was fun in a Saturday afternoon Sci-Fi channel dragon movie sort of way. Just getting to hear Liotta and Reynolds trying to do faux sortof English accents was worth it. Boll can't film an action scene to save his life though.
posted by octothorpe at 9:29 AM on January 22, 2009


I wouldn’t exactly say Benjamin Button was bad, but it seemed very odd to put so much money and effort into something that was so slight – really it should have been an episode of Steven Spielberg’s Amazing Stories staring Tom Hanks.

Benjamin Button, Meet Forrest Gump (spoilers).

Almost 20 years on, Highlander II is still the worst movie I've ever seen. +1 to this. Still gave me great memories, though. I saw it in a cinema in Prague, where my friends and I were the only English speakers watching it. We were rolling around laughing at the painful dialogue, drawing strange looks from the rest of the theatre who were reading the Czech subtitles. It seems that the Czech language just isn't up to the task of encompassing the sheer magnitude of the awfulness that is the Highlander II script.
posted by Jakey at 9:32 AM on January 22, 2009 [4 favorites]


Almost 20 years on, Highlander II is still the worst movie I've ever seen.

I'll have to say it's one of the most creative films I've ever seen. I could have been locked in a room for over a decade and it would have never occurred to me to put aliens, jetpacks, Highlander, and Michael Ironside together. I'm not saying it's good mind you, only that I would have never thought of it. Ever. Oh, yeah, at least it had a Queen soundtrack.
posted by Lord Chancellor at 9:33 AM on January 22, 2009


we're doing as triple feature of Max Payne, Transporter 3 and Punisher War Zone.

You should make room for The Shooter. Holy shit that movie is bad, but great to watch. It has all the necessary elements of a great(and by that I mean shitty) action film. The main character has unrealistic skills far beyond what he should. The bad guys are absurdly unbelievable(way over the top evil). Multiple montages including: The Get Ready Montage (ala Rambo), and The Freeze Up Montage Because My Friend Died In A Similar Situation Montage (ala Top Gun). There is a likable comedic sidekick who is supposed to be the everyman(ala Die Hard 3). Multiple fights, shootouts, stunts, car chases. I can't remember but I think there were at least two, maybe three, helicopters taken out. And a satisfying ending delivered as it should.
posted by P.o.B. at 9:37 AM on January 22, 2009


> Ben Kingsley gets to be a goofy ham in vampire teeth, etc.

I read an interview with Sir Ben in which he stated that the only reason he did Bloodrayne was because he'd always wanted to play a vampire.

He left out the part about the big sack of cash with a dollar sign on the side, though.
posted by The Card Cheat at 9:38 AM on January 22, 2009


I quit intentionally watching bad movies after Battlefield Earth. It just wasn't funny anymore.

Really? I watched Battlefield: Earth in a movie theater full of people howling with laughter. It was a fantastic experience.
posted by EarBucket at 9:39 AM on January 22, 2009


we're doing as triple feature of Max Payne, Transporter 3 and Punisher War Zone.

Patton Oswalt has me primed to watch Punisher. And I have to see Transporter 3 to finish out the trilogy.
posted by Bookhouse at 9:40 AM on January 22, 2009


P.o.B., are you thinking of the fourth Die Hard with the "lovable" sidekick? Because the sidekicky character in the third one was Samuel L. Jackson playing an angry man named Zeus.
posted by cgc373 at 9:41 AM on January 22, 2009


I cannot help but watch Uwe Boll movies. They induce a kind of beautiful delirium in me; as a former actor, I cannot help but think, when confronted with such redolent horseshit, "Man, I wish I had the guts to do that in front of everybody."

In the Name of the King is unstinting with such moments, starting when you realize that Jason Statham is playing a farmer named Farmer--not that Statham has ever exhibited even a facsimile of shame in any of his dreadfully wonderful films; unlike, say, Ron Perlman, who looks distinctly horrified to find himself in the film. ("Hey, I've got ten minutes in between phone calls from Guillermo Del Toro . . . what's the worst that could happen?")

I could go on and on. Everyone should see this movie. There's so much to unrecommend, from Matthew Lillard's jaw-fall-off performance as a drunken duke to Burt Reynolds's completely astounding sign-my-check-now death scene, where he makes slipping off this mortal coil look a lot like lowering oneself into a jacuzzi. "AND NOW I AM DEAD! Can I go home now? I'm tired of cold showers in my '79 Airstream, and Bulgarians cannot make hashbrowns for shit."
posted by Skot at 9:42 AM on January 22, 2009 [6 favorites]


If you don't show nipples, you're not playing a stripper. You're trying to gain some kind of credibility from having played a stripper, but without having been willing to deliver the merchandise. [see: Portman, Natalie] -posted January 22 2009

Closer Release Date: 3 December 2004

That's a long time for a married man to be holding a grudge against a young actress for not showing her nipples.

Not creepy at all, no sir.
posted by Alvy Ampersand at 9:42 AM on January 22, 2009


I didn't see The Love Guru, but I knew it was gonna bomb when I saw the trailer before Iron Man...when it ended an angry murmur ran through the crowd; "Rhubarbrhubarbholyshitthatlookssterriblerhubarbrhubarb"...

Also, no Sam Jackson in The Spirit? That was, hands down, the worst/most hilarious performance I saw in 2008.
posted by The Card Cheat at 9:45 AM on January 22, 2009


Was Rocknrolla 2008? I've seen none of the nominated films but Rocknrolla would be my suggestion. Absolutely terrible. Gran Torino was also laughably bad with some of the worst acting I have ever seen in a mainstream release, but I can understand why some people liked that. Rocknrolla was beyond the realms of understanding.
posted by fire&wings at 9:46 AM on January 22, 2009


stripper nipple stickler

Say that five times fast.
posted by Blazecock Pileon at 9:48 AM on January 22, 2009 [3 favorites]


I think that their "success" with the Scary Movie franchise keeps them employed (#2 is the only one with an IMDB rating below 5).

It's worth mentioning that their terrible parodies are financial successes, mostly because they have such small budgets. This is why after the first Scary Movie, you can't find anybody recognizable (except that one girl who's in all their movies) in any of them. They hire cheap-shit bad actors, and do the whole movie on no budget. Then enough stupid teenagers and pre-teens go to see them and bang. a profitable enterprise.

epic movie has grossed $100,000,000.

from what I understand, they get made for about $20 million tops.
posted by shmegegge at 9:52 AM on January 22, 2009 [1 favorite]


if you haven't actually arrested people you haven't played a cop

How about if you just tase them for a bit?

Also:

Basic Instinct 2
Starring Sharon Stone and Stan Collymore.

What?

I must have drifted off to sleep back there somewhere.

Stan Collymore?
posted by Grangousier at 9:53 AM on January 22, 2009


> I quit intentionally watching bad movies after Battlefield Earth. It just wasn't funny anymore.

I saw that one in the theatre with a large group of people twice...once at the old Uptown theatre on Yonge St. in Toronto, just a block up from the Scientology centre, on opening night no less, the second time a couple of weeks later in one of the tiny theatres in the Eaton's Centre. The first time we all had to go across the street for a pint or two afterward to process what had happened. The second time I was laughing so hard some people in front of me (allegedly; I didn't notice) got up and moved seats. It's part of my Holy Trinity of Bad Movies:

Road House
Battlefield Earth
Tango and Cash

(Honorable mention: Showgirls)
posted by The Card Cheat at 9:53 AM on January 22, 2009


Showgirls is a great movie.
posted by Artw at 9:55 AM on January 22, 2009 [1 favorite]


> Showgirls is a great movie.

My wife argues that it is intentionally bad, a brilliant satire of both Hollywood and The American Dream. I don't know about that, but part of what makes it great is that you just can't be 100% sure either way.
posted by The Card Cheat at 9:57 AM on January 22, 2009


stripper nipple stickler
stripper nipple stickler
stripple nickel stipler
--dammit.
posted by Dr-Baa at 9:58 AM on January 22, 2009 [1 favorite]


(except that one girl who's in all their movies)

Sigh. Anna Faris. I know she had tiny parts in Brokeback Mountain and Lost in Translation, but for Christ's sake, WILL SOMEONE GIVE THIS WOMAN A DECENT ROLE? Who is her agent, Torquemada?

(Yeah, yeah, paycheck paycheck, etc. It's just a bummer to see her get wasted in those blasted hellscapes that pass for films.)
posted by Skot at 10:01 AM on January 22, 2009 [2 favorites]


"(Honorable mention: Showgirls)"

At least Elizabeth Berkley knew how to play a stripper correctly!
posted by Mastercheddaar at 10:02 AM on January 22, 2009 [2 favorites]


Showgirls and Roadhouse are both great movies, in their way. Roadhouse qualifies solely for Sam Elliot's performance. Showgirls is just fucking hilarious. I think it qualifies as camp, as opposed to just pure shittiness.
posted by Bookhouse at 10:03 AM on January 22, 2009


I think it may have actually been Battlefield Earth that started me on my road to loving bad movies. Prior to that, I tried to only see "good" ones. Pff. I read the novel of BE in the days leading up to the theatrical release, and I recall a profound, unnameable sensation as I watched a film that bore damn near literally no resemblance to what I had just read, as though my neurons were rearranging themselves into some new configuration.

I've been a bad movie lover ever since.
posted by adamdschneider at 10:06 AM on January 22, 2009 [2 favorites]


No, Showgirls was not a good movie. It was the movie that inspired Irreversible in the genre of "Unnecessary and Gratuitous Rape Scene Vehicle".
posted by Marisa Stole the Precious Thing at 10:08 AM on January 22, 2009 [1 favorite]


The worst movie I ever saw on purpose, not expecting a Bad Movie(TM): Van Helsing. And I love me some Hugh Jackman.

Dracula wept.
posted by JoanArkham at 10:09 AM on January 22, 2009 [1 favorite]


are you thinking of the fourth Die Hard with the "lovable" sidekick?

I was going to say 3 & 4, but four had the whiz/tech/geek sidekick (not the everyman). I would say both are lovable though. Jackson isn't angry, that's just the way he talks.
posted by P.o.B. at 10:10 AM on January 22, 2009


I haven't seen any of these movies, thank god, though now I'm sorely tempted to pick up I Know Who Killed Me. Still, I hope The Love Guru wins over The Happening, if only because Shyamalan's career is already killed with that thing, whereas Guru was a self-financed vanity thing which might not have lost enough people enough money to put Mike Myers out of our pop-culture landscape for nearly as long as it should.

By the way, The Hottie and the Nottie apparently grossed a total of $27,000 in theatrical release, an average of only 10 or 12 theatre-goers per screen.
posted by Navelgazer at 10:11 AM on January 22, 2009


When I saw The Wrestler, immediately the thought crossed my mind: "oh hey is Marisa Tomei gonna go topless AGAIN? Two Oscar-worthy movies IN A ROW?" and then yes, of course she does. I mean, if fucking Phillip Seymour Hoffman in Before The Devil Knows You're Dead is reason enough, playing a stripper opposite Mickey Rourke HAS to be,right? Sure enough. I don't know which was colder and bleaker, though. I guess cold is good for nipples, visually.
posted by Ambrosia Voyeur at 10:15 AM on January 22, 2009 [1 favorite]


kittens for breakfast writes "I like the theory that Uwe Boll gets these people for his movies because he offers them their secret heart's desire in a way no other director ever would: Tara Reid gets to be a brilliant scientist, Ben Kingsley gets to be a goofy ham in vampire teeth, etc."

Well, he's no Roger Corman.
posted by krinklyfig at 10:20 AM on January 22, 2009


Ambrosia Voyeur - I'm very glad I watched both of those movies, Oscar-worthy indeed.

I enjoyed the Love Guru, not saying it was good, just that I enjoyed it.
To actually see Mike Meyers grapple with his spirituality with the help of Deepak Chopra is kind of cool.
posted by P.o.B. at 10:23 AM on January 22, 2009


The Happening was monstrously bad. The Love Guru is only fun to watch if you watch it like my wife and I did: counting along to all of Mike Myers's recycled jokes (emphasis on wrong syllable, beeping while backing up, copious dick jokes, people with funny names, midgets...etc.)
posted by ColdChef at 10:25 AM on January 22, 2009


I agree with Dreamcatcher as worst film ever made, if you take (quality-pretentiousness)/budget as your guideline. Dreamcatcher is a Stephen King adaptation where people's bodies are used to incubate an alien spore. Only instead of the truly horrifying concept of chestbursting, in Dreamcatcher a mature alien spore causes uncontrollable flatulence in the host, before shitting itself out their asshole. This brought about near universal tittering at my screening on opening weekend. By the way I kind of expected that movie to suck, but I went to see the CGI Animatrix short that was shown beforehand. The Animatrix was pretty cool.

The other worst part of Dreamcatcher is that Cpt Winters guy driving a snowmobile around the woods, talking to himself in alternating personas, Gollum-style.
posted by autodidact at 10:25 AM on January 22, 2009


rollbiz : "Was it bad, or was it Dreamcatcher bad?"

We use a similar metric called the "Eve of Destruction protocol". It basically asks the question, was this the worse than the worst thing you can think of? Did it make you hate all the actors involved? Did it seriously cause you to reevaluate your decision to ever see another film? If no, it wasn't as bad as Eve of Destruction, if yes, you just got done watching Batman and Robin.

A slightly less stringent measuring system we use is number of bullets, as in, "I would play Russian Roulette with five bullets in the cylinder to never have to see this film again".
posted by quin at 10:27 AM on January 22, 2009 [2 favorites]


Shit, I forgot all about "Dudditz"!
posted by autodidact at 10:29 AM on January 22, 2009


Was The Happening worse than Lady in the water? Because all my complaints about previous M Night films seem like minor gripes when you compare them with the monumental crapitude of that movie.
posted by Artw at 10:31 AM on January 22, 2009


I quit intentionally watching bad movies after Battlefield Earth. It just wasn't funny anymore.

Really? I watched Battlefield: Earth in a movie theater full of people howling with laughter. It was a fantastic experience.


Battlefield Earth was the first movie I saw after returning home to Toronto from a year living in India. (I believe I was part of the crowd for The Card Cheat's second viewing, but can't remember for sure . . .) I'd been back just a few days, I think, and so I was deep in the throes of culture shock - amazed, for example, that there were prices right on the merchandise in stores - and I was also stoned for the first time in many many moons.

And as Card Cheat noted, it was a matinee in a closet-sized theatre at Eaton Centre, which was soon to close for good and charged I think $1.50 for matinees. I remember turning to a friend as we went in and saying, "I think I paid more for the last movie I saw in India . . ." I'm not sure if this is the worst or best condition in which to view Battlefield Earth, but I'm convinced it was in some way maximal.

I remember being afraid to laugh out loud because what if the people around me were taking this really seriously and this was sort of like a Bible story for them? But I couldn't help myself, and then there were some walkouts about 20 minutes in and my mind skipped over onto a slightly paranoid track and I became convinced that by the time we left there would either be a SWAT team or a horde of e-meter wielding Scientologists waiting for us outside.

Despite it all, Battlefield Earth was totally engrossing. It wasn't Uwebollishly plug-dumb, not that offhanded let's-get-Tara-Reid-to-play-the-scientist kinda stupid. It seemed to exist in its own system of logic, like if you'd been raised by wolves but taught to write and had to invent your own philosophy in total isolation and then turned your treatise into a screenplay for some unknown reason. I mean it was just such considered nonsense, you know?

Anyway, I walked out simultaneously giddy and shaken. I remember thinking, "Is this how North Americans think now? Where the hell am I?" Fortunately, that feeling mostly faded with the culture shock. Still, it was a strange and somehow mystical experience I'm glad I had. It was kind of like some inverted acid trip - that same sense of a scoured brain, but with trace memories only of utter banality.
posted by gompa at 10:40 AM on January 22, 2009 [8 favorites]


The Happening was 10,000 times better than Lady in the Water, and yet still really really terrible.
posted by Mister_A at 10:46 AM on January 22, 2009


So it's basically on a level with contracting anthrax.
posted by Artw at 10:47 AM on January 22, 2009


Almost 20 years on, Highlander II is still the worst movie I've ever seen.

Ah. You've obviously haven't watched the latest travesty, Highlander: The Source. They couldn't even release it. They ran it once on Sci-Fi. It may be the worst movie I've ever seen. It's almost impossible to make fun of, it's so bad. But then again, I don't seek out bad movies.
posted by threeturtles at 10:47 AM on January 22, 2009


It's impossible for me to see John Travolta without hearing him saying, "Ay, Mista Kahtah!" And seeing him as Giant Alien Person does nothing to stop that.
posted by Marisa Stole the Precious Thing at 10:48 AM on January 22, 2009


The Happening was 10,000 times better than Lady in the Water, and yet still really really terrible.

I actually think the opposite. Well, about the first part. I agree that both were bad.
posted by inigo2 at 10:53 AM on January 22, 2009


Teenage Caveman. I can never again be the person I was before I saw this movie. That person died weeping gently to himself in the corner of the dorm room where this horror was unleashed.
posted by gc at 11:02 AM on January 22, 2009


I can't believe someone mentionned Shark Attack 3, now that was some serious shit right there.
posted by Vindaloo at 11:04 AM on January 22, 2009


Damn, Teenage Caveman directed by Larry Clark! That's just somethin' weird right there.
posted by Navelgazer at 11:05 AM on January 22, 2009


Oh, by the way, as anyone seen Anaconda 3? It stars David Hasselhoff!! My wife refuses to rent it...
posted by Vindaloo at 11:06 AM on January 22, 2009


Damn, Teenage Caveman directed by Larry Clark! That's just somethin' weird right there.

Once he saw it would involve teenagers having sex, he was sold.
posted by Marisa Stole the Precious Thing at 11:06 AM on January 22, 2009


My favorite horrible movie to indulge in though is Freaked. Alex Winter, Randy Quaid, Mr. T, and the Butthole Surfers. I never get sick of this movie.
posted by Marisa Stole the Precious Thing at 11:13 AM on January 22, 2009


Was The Happening worse than Lady in the water?

This is the horrible cinema equivalent of a Zen koan. I've been staring at this haunting sentence for like five minutes, completely aghast and yet completely unable to stop thinking about what could possibly be the answer.
posted by Skot at 11:14 AM on January 22, 2009 [4 favorites]


It's all about leverage.
posted by autodidact at 11:15 AM on January 22, 2009 [1 favorite]


Freaked has no place on any list of bad movies - it performs exactly as expected.
posted by Artw at 11:15 AM on January 22, 2009


Yes, it does.

"Oh, come on. Twelve milkmen?"

"Twelve milkmen on the same route is conceivably possible. But thirteen ... is just silly."
posted by Marisa Stole the Precious Thing at 11:19 AM on January 22, 2009


Entertainment Weekly described the film as "having more laughs than a decade of Saturday Night Live"

Harsh.
posted by Artw at 11:24 AM on January 22, 2009


Showgirls is just fucking hilarious. I think it qualifies as camp, as opposed to just pure shittiness.

There is a distinction to be drawn between camp and kitsch. The former is deliberately awful, whereas the latter is deliberately populist, its awfulness merely a byproduct.

The casting of Elizabeth Berkley as the lead in Showgirls was most likely an attempt at populism. However, the film marked a watershed moment in pop culture history when it demonstrated--quite by accident--that anything starring anyone who has been on Saved By the Bell, when played for an audience who has seen Saved By the Bell, has immediate camp value.

Kitsch like Showgirls only attains camp value when its awfulness becomes its appeal; in such cases, it's not the film being campy, but the audience.
posted by Sys Rq at 11:32 AM on January 22, 2009


After reading Ebert's review, I couldn't wait to watch Congo. It is truly all he says, and more.
posted by theroadahead at 11:39 AM on January 22, 2009


Showgirls is a great movie.

It's easily Verhoeven's best work. His penultimate accomplishment.
posted by Blazecock Pileon at 12:09 PM on January 22, 2009


Hey!! I liked "Meet the Spartans". It skewered the macho nonsense of "300" quite nicely. "..Spartans" knew it was stupid, "300" did not.
posted by wrapper at 12:10 PM on January 22, 2009


It's easily Verhoeven's best work. His penultimate accomplishment.

What's his ultimate-yet-not-best accomplishment, then?
posted by desuetude at 12:11 PM on January 22, 2009 [3 favorites]


APRIL 19TH, CRANK 2: HIGH VOLTAGE.

Tell your friends.
posted by adamdschneider at 12:14 PM on January 22, 2009


vibrotronica : Almost 20 years on, Highlander II is still the worst movie I've ever seen.

This is a fairly common misunderstanding. Highlander II was not actually a movie, it was a mass hallucination brought on by a combination of mold spores, undercooked chicken, and ultra-low frequency testing by the US Navy. As such, it can't be counted in the worst movies of all time because it never actually existed.

Unfortunately, a few people didn't fully understand that they had been temporarily divorced from reality, and tried to capitalize on our delusions by creating subsequent films and television shows. These few who remain alive are all now clinically insane, heavily dependent on psychotropic drugs, or both.

Really, it's best for everyone to just accept that the film was never made. They weren't aliens, there was no ozone-shield, it was all just in our poor, addled heads.
posted by quin at 12:41 PM on January 22, 2009 [1 favorite]


[Showgirls is] easily Verhoeven's best work.

Better than RoboCop? Better than Starship Troopers?
posted by brundlefly at 12:44 PM on January 22, 2009


...Burt Reynolds's completely astounding sign-my-check-now death scene, where he makes slipping off this mortal coil look a lot like lowering oneself into a jacuzzi. "AND NOW I AM DEAD! Can I go home now?...

Tim Robbins' death scene in Mission to Mars is like that. He takes off his space helmet and freezes with this "So long, suckers!" look on his face. The next time you watch that movie, look for it.

On second thought, don't watch that movie again.
posted by vibrotronica at 12:56 PM on January 22, 2009


"..Spartans" knew it was stupid, "300" did not.

The problem is that Meet the Spartans thought it was funny.
posted by Sys Rq at 12:56 PM on January 22, 2009


These few who remain alive are all now clinically insane, heavily dependent on psychotropic drugs, or both.

Guilty as charged!
posted by vibrotronica at 12:57 PM on January 22, 2009


Better than Starship Troopers?

It's the same plot!
posted by Artw at 12:57 PM on January 22, 2009


what rot. vicky christina barcelona is easily the worst. or does that count as a 2009 movie?
posted by UbuRoivas at 1:01 PM on January 22, 2009


I thought that 'I Know Who Killed Me' was erotic, nuerotic, and especially psychotronic.
It was a cross btwn '90210' and 'Twin Peaks'.
posted by doctorschlock at 1:02 PM on January 22, 2009


I’d actually place Robocop, Starship Troopers and Black Book above it in my personal hierarchy of Verhoven movies, but given how high I rate those that’s no bad thing.

I’m sure he’s ever made a movie I’d rate as less than enjoyable, though I’ve not tracked down all the pre-Hollywood stuff.
posted by Artw at 1:03 PM on January 22, 2009


Is there a Razzies for Television? If not, there should be one.
posted by doctorschlock at 1:05 PM on January 22, 2009


I agree with the Highlander IIcommenters, but how has no one mentioned Sum of All Fears?

Did Ben Affleck just drive through ground zero in an SUV? wtf?
posted by herda05 at 1:05 PM on January 22, 2009


I love sitting in the audience for a movie when a preview comes on and every body laughs at how bad they aren't going to see that movie. Big ughs for: Ben Affleckt/ Eddie Smurphy!
I bet just the sight of Perez Hilton just brings the house down.
posted by doctorschlock at 1:22 PM on January 22, 2009


Worst part in The Happening: that guy who touted the greatness of hot dogs.
Oh, and John Leguizamo, in any scene.
posted by porn in the woods at 1:26 PM on January 22, 2009


no one wants to bring up The Mummy Returns, huh? you know, the movie where Brendan Fraser outruns the rotation of the earth?
posted by shmegegge at 1:35 PM on January 22, 2009


On balance, hot dogs are pretty frickin great.
posted by Mister_A at 2:08 PM on January 22, 2009


They ran it once on Sci-Fi.

I dunno. I think there needs to be a special category for just about everything that ends up a "Sci-Fi exclusive" that isn't BSG. I mean we are not just talking about Sturgeon's law here, we are talking about movies that are so bad that crap is ashamed to be associated with it. You have the bad monster flicks like Cerberus, Minotaur and Manticore that were probably produced in English but feel like a bad dub from Esperanto. You have the derivative thrillers of a half-dozen D-list actors trapped in a spaceship/submarine/tomb with an alien/demonic artifact.
posted by KirkJobSluder at 2:19 PM on January 22, 2009 [1 favorite]


It was a cross btwn '90210' and 'Twin Peaks'.

Sold.
posted by Bookhouse at 2:30 PM on January 22, 2009


That's basically just an excercise in puppy-kicking there.
posted by Artw at 2:31 PM on January 22, 2009


I think there needs to be a special category for just about everything that ends up a "Sci-Fi exclusive" that isn't BSG. I mean we are not just talking about Sturgeon's law here, we are talking about movies that are so bad that crap is ashamed to be associated with it.

That may be true of both Boa and Python, but I hope you aren't including the sublime Boa vs. Python in this category.
posted by brundlefly at 2:53 PM on January 22, 2009 [1 favorite]


Abominable was weirdly enjoyable.
posted by Artw at 3:00 PM on January 22, 2009


I am an aficionado of bad movies. This drives my wife insane. Movies like Roadhouse, Starship Troopers, Beer Fest Under Siege and any JCVD movie... I don't care how late they are on, I ain't going anywhere. The second I click past one of these gems... that is it for the day. We are watching. We are not only watching we are PARTICIPATING. I explained to her that when I worked in the movie business I learned it's miracle any movie get's made—let alone a good one. I can sit there and astral project to the moment that one scene is being shot and know exactly how awesome it was for the Grips to feign sincerity and respect only to later, in the Grip truck, come up with cruel catch phrases about Steven Segal's dialogue.
posted by tkchrist at 3:10 PM on January 22, 2009 [1 favorite]


Was The Happening worse than Lady in the water?

This is the horrible cinema equivalent of a Zen koan. I've been staring at this haunting sentence for like five minutes, completely aghast and yet completely unable to stop thinking about what could possibly be the answer.


I feel the same way. I literally cannot imagine a film worse than Lady in the Water. What in god's name lies in that abyss? What in this world could sink lower, blacker?
posted by synaesthetichaze at 3:14 PM on January 22, 2009


but I hope you aren't including the sublime Boa vs. Python in this category.

What's awesome about movies like Boa vs. Python and Mastodon, and why no B movie will ever fall on my list of worst movies ever is that they generally don't want to be anything more than they are. They know they are bad and they revel in the fact.

This is why I would argue that Batman and Robin is a far worse movie than something like Mastadon. The first had many, many millions of dollars, an all star cast, a franchise, and a built in audience, and they still managed to make something completely unwatchable and so bad that it effectively killed the franchise until they rebooted it. Mastodon looks like it was filmed in someones back yard for a couple of grand, and everyone involved looks like they had fun.

The spirit of a movie can be infectious. In a B movie, it makes you laugh and inspires you to want to do something similar, in a shitty failed blockbuster, the infection turns virulent and kills the host. (to carry the analogy too far...)

I liked Boa vs. Python. But none of that changes the fact that Highlander II still never happened.
posted by quin at 3:20 PM on January 22, 2009 [2 favorites]


Beer Fest Under Siege

You had me frantically Googling for this title, until I realized you were talking about two separate films here. Which is a pity, because it would probably be the worst movie ever made - the kind old men discuss with each other, late at night, many, many years after they think they've gotten over it.
posted by Marisa Stole the Precious Thing at 3:24 PM on January 22, 2009 [2 favorites]


Now, I admit that there may be some subjectivity involved in whether or not you think Showgirls is one of the worst movies ever made or one of the best movies ever made (and it probably has a lot to do with whether you think doing a version of the Heroes Journey with boobie-dances instead of light-saber duels is an inherently audacious or interesting move) – but what on earth is Starship Troopers doing anywhere near anyone’s list of bad movies?
posted by Artw at 3:33 PM on January 22, 2009


Beer Fest Under Siege

MStPT: I did the same thing. I demand this movie be made.
posted by turaho at 3:33 PM on January 22, 2009


"Mission to Mars."
Hey that was alright,,, -it had a nice pro-drug message! It's John Carpenter-,cmon
posted by Liquidwolf at 3:40 PM on January 22, 2009


It's John Carpenter-,cmon

Sadly not the mark of quality it used to be.
posted by Artw at 3:48 PM on January 22, 2009


I wanna hear how bad The Spirit was.
posted by Liquidwolf at 4:16 PM on January 22, 2009


I did see part of The Mummy Returns on a plane. Man, I knew it would suck but.... damn. I heard about , but didn't make it to the part where two yetis high five each other after doing something really awesome.
posted by Liquidwolf at 4:19 PM on January 22, 2009


"Mission to Mars."
Hey that was alright,,, -it had a nice pro-drug message! It's John Carpenter-,cmon


You're thinking of Ghosts of Mars.
posted by brundlefly at 4:19 PM on January 22, 2009


John Carpenter Brian de Palma - not the mark of quality it er...
posted by Artw at 4:21 PM on January 22, 2009


...and Mission To Mars isn't even the one with the cool robot dog...
posted by Artw at 4:26 PM on January 22, 2009


""Mission to Mars."
Hey that was alright,,, -it had a nice pro-drug message! It's John Carpenter-,cmon

You're thinking of Ghosts of Mars."

That's right! I remember Mission to Mars. Not the best movie.
posted by Liquidwolf at 4:35 PM on January 22, 2009


no one wants to bring up The Mummy Returns, huh? you know, the movie where Brendan Fraser outruns the rotation of the earth?

I'll one up you there. How about The Day After Tomorrow where the kids outrun the freeze(coldness) inside the library and obtain safety by closing the door!
posted by P.o.B. at 4:37 PM on January 22, 2009 [3 favorites]


Mission to Mars was just boring.
But come on Artw, Starship Troopers sucked some serious ass. It's been quite a few years since I seen it, but I've eviscerated that movie so bad before that I've made people change their minds about it.
posted by P.o.B. at 4:41 PM on January 22, 2009


I remember Mission to Mars. Not the best movie.

Hey! DePalma! Someone already made a film based on The Sentinel - look it up!
posted by Artw at 4:42 PM on January 22, 2009


Almost 20 years on, Highlander II is still the worst movie I've ever seen.

For me, it's Battlefield Earth. There are other bad movies, but this film is bad on a level unlike any other.
posted by zardoz at 4:45 PM on January 22, 2009


P.o.B. – you’re on crack. It’s space Nazis of the future versus terrorist bugs in an epic satire of events that hadn’t even happened at the time of the movie – what’s not to like about that?
posted by Artw at 4:45 PM on January 22, 2009 [1 favorite]


What? Mission to Mars was DePalma. People go to Mars, hijinks ensue because going to Mars isn't exciting enough, they meet Disney aliens.

The Carpenter Mars movie was Ghosts of Mars with the spectacularly cantilevered Natasha Henstridge, Jason Statham, Ice Cube, and some zombies.
posted by ROU_Xenophobe at 4:49 PM on January 22, 2009


tkchrist, you actually work with Segal? I've read that he's the biggest dick(no surprise there) and that he'll try to cheap shot the Martial Arts co-ordinator? Such as start a conversation with him and then out of nowhere kick the guy in the nuts just to alpha dog the guy.
As far as JCVD is concerned, you have to watch JCVD!
posted by P.o.B. at 4:51 PM on January 22, 2009


...and it sucks in comparison to Assault on Precinct 13.
posted by Artw at 4:52 PM on January 22, 2009


Starship Troopers ruled. A fine piece of satire. The only people I've met who didn't like it are the ones who didn't get it. They took it seriously as an action movie.
posted by Liquidwolf at 4:53 PM on January 22, 2009


Burt Reynolds's completely astounding sign-my-check-now death scene, where he makes slipping off this mortal coil look a lot like lowering oneself into a jacuzzi.

I just wanted to shout Skot out for this line, fucking hilarious.
posted by Divine_Wino at 4:56 PM on January 22, 2009


Well, there's the Heinlein old guard as well, I'd admit that as an adaptation it's not so much "loose" as outright sarcastic.
posted by Artw at 4:58 PM on January 22, 2009


I've made it one of my life rules to never watch a Segal film (though I think I might have once seen on tv the one where he'ss a special forces cook on a boat or something)
posted by fearfulsymmetry at 5:00 PM on January 22, 2009


tkchrist, you actually work with Segal? I've read that he's the biggest dick(no surprise there) and that he'll try to cheap shot the Martial Arts co-ordinator? Such as start a conversation with him and then out of nowhere kick the guy in the nuts just to alpha dog the guy.
As far as JCVD is concerned, you have to watch JCVD!


If I had actually worked with Segal would I be here talking to you peasants?

Fuck no. I would be snorting coke laced with gold dust from the ass crack of the daughter of the president of Badassistan whilst reviewing the video of my Three-way with Kelli LeBrock and Erika Eleniak becuase Steven and I would be best friends for ever!

No I didn't get that gig. No. I had to work with Michael God Damned Dudikoff.

THANKS FOR BRINGING IT UP!
posted by tkchrist at 5:02 PM on January 22, 2009 [3 favorites]


I've made it one of my life rules to never watch a Segal film (though I think I might have once seen on tv the one where he'ss a special forces cook on a boat or something)

And that is why you have never satisfied a woman sexually.
posted by tkchrist at 5:03 PM on January 22, 2009 [2 favorites]


Last night I watched the first half of Get Rich or Die Trying and that's my new gold standard for a bad acting performance. I swear you could draw a smiley face on a paper plate and wave it in front of the camera and it would have got a better performance than Fifty Cent. What makes it even better/worse (depending on your point of view) is that everything else around it was pretty competant, putting its ineptness into sharp releif. I mean it's directed by Jim Sheridan for god's sake! That's Jim 'My Left Foot / In The Name Of The Father' Sheridan! Did the G-Unit hold him out of a window or something?
posted by fearfulsymmetry at 5:05 PM on January 22, 2009


Steven Segal movies that are worth watching depsite having Steven Segal in them:


...um...


I'm going to have to think about this for a while.
posted by Artw at 5:07 PM on January 22, 2009


Under Siege is okay I guess, but no Die Hard.
posted by Artw at 5:08 PM on January 22, 2009


Under Siege is okay I guess, but no Die Hard.

Yes. Because, unlike that wimpy bald dude, Segal took out an entire Nuclear armed destroyer — AND Gary Frigg'n Busey — with aikido. AIKIDO!

AND. Unlike that completely implausible Die Hard it was a true story like ALL of Segals movies.

PHILISTINE!
posted by tkchrist at 5:12 PM on January 22, 2009


AH. I see the problem here. I suspect most of you watch movies sober.
posted by tkchrist at 5:16 PM on January 22, 2009 [2 favorites]


Starship Troopers ruled. A fine piece of satire. The only people I've met who didn't like it are the ones who didn't get it. They took it seriously as an action movie.

You've got to be kidding. That's the way it was marketed! Not to mention the "WOOHOO" song used in all the other trailers that wasn't even in the movie. "It's just ambient light." Yeah, a kind that flies with an arc in a ball form blowing up your effing spaceships! You have faster than light travel ships but you're still using machine guns (leftovers from Aliens, and obviously for effect) And wasn't there a scene where people we're literally eviscerated laying on tables screaming in pain and in the next room Johnny Rico was in a tank (scene stolen straight from Empire Strikes Back) getting a small cut fixed with a laser? Really if he wanted to make an statement, he could've been a little more original and perhaps more oblique about it.
posted by P.o.B. at 5:18 PM on January 22, 2009


Steven Segal movies that are worth watching depsite having Steven Segal in them

I can't remember the one but there is one where he breaks a pool cue in half and does sinawali with Dan Insoanto - who plays a bad bar-room thug. And hits guro Dan between the eyes and makes him cross-eyed. Oh my god. Precious.
posted by tkchrist at 5:19 PM on January 22, 2009


Die Hard is the best Christmas movie of all time, and defined the movie-with-flames-rolling-down-a-corridor/liftshaft/ventilation duct genre!

Also:

* best use of Ode to Joy in an action movie
* Hans Gruber
* Cop at end learns valuable lesson of taking joy in shooting people again
* Where's your memorable quotes Under seige? Oh right, they suck. Yippee-ki-yay, motherfucker.
posted by Artw at 5:22 PM on January 22, 2009 [3 favorites]


You've got to be kidding. That's the way it was marketed! Not to mention the "WOOHOO" song used in all the other trailers that wasn't even in the movie. "It's just ambient light." Yeah, a kind that flies with an arc in a ball form blowing up your effing spaceships! You have faster than light travel ships but you're still using machine guns (leftovers from Aliens, and obviously for effect) And wasn't there a scene where people we're literally eviscerated laying on tables screaming in pain and in the next room Johnny Rico was in a tank (scene stolen straight from Empire Strikes Back) getting a small cut fixed with a laser?

You're talking crazy talk. That right there had me laughing like school girl just you describing it. Awesome. Dare I say Genius. Would pay to see it again.

And everybody knows lasers don't really exist but spaceships do.
posted by tkchrist at 5:23 PM on January 22, 2009


P.o.B. seriously, taht's what you've got, a bunch of pedantic wibbling? How does that outweight teh fasct that the film is utterly awesome? Awesome, that is, unless you HAVE NO SOUL and NO JOY IN LIFE, which is clearly your problem, not the films.
posted by Artw at 5:24 PM on January 22, 2009


Futuristic Sci-Fi “laser” weapons are kind of crappy anyway, and seem to fight very slow moving blobs that don’t do much damage* and have an absurdly slow rate of fire. Way to go future people! Get a real gun!

* apart from the kind that make you glow and turn into a skeling-ton. Those are cool.
posted by Artw at 5:27 PM on January 22, 2009


Where's your memorable quotes Under seige?

Quotes? QUOTES? What are you some sorta pansy Proust scholar?

Well. Here in America we like American action. Not all that gibber jabber lip-flapp'n like in your elitist Merchant Ivory high-falut'n British parlor romance movies like Die Hard.

In Under Siege Gary Busey AND Tommy Lee Jones get in a knife fight with Steven Segal.

Quotes. HAH.
posted by tkchrist at 5:29 PM on January 22, 2009 [2 favorites]


You have faster than light travel ships but you're still using machine guns (leftovers from Aliens, and obviously for effect) And wasn't there a scene where people we're literally eviscerated laying on tables screaming in pain and in the next room Johnny Rico was in a tank (scene stolen straight from Empire Strikes Back) getting a small cut fixed with a laser?

Yep. I hate to say it, but you're just not getting it. It's satire, not hard SF.
posted by brundlefly at 5:35 PM on January 22, 2009


Amusingly, my film nominated for a Razzie. I produced "The Wackness", and Sir Ben Kingsley was nominated for Supporting Actor for his combined performances in The Love Guru, War Inc, and The Wackness. I thought he was pretty good in our film!
posted by kcalder at 5:36 PM on January 22, 2009


P.o.B. seriously, taht's what you've got, a bunch of pedantic wibbling?

Hey, isn't that all we've got?
posted by P.o.B. at 5:37 PM on January 22, 2009


It's satire, not hard SF.

Satire that sucked ass!
posted by P.o.B. at 5:38 PM on January 22, 2009


Futuristic Sci-Fi “laser” weapons are kind of crappy anyway, and seem to fight very slow moving blobs that don’t do much damage* and have an absurdly slow rate of fire. Way to go future people! Get a real gun!


Yeah. Like Han Solo just steps out of the way. Darth Vader just catches the lasers bullets.

Try that with bullets form real bullet gun. Jedi my ass. Machine guns will be here for ever.
posted by tkchrist at 5:38 PM on January 22, 2009


I thoroughly enjoyed "The Wackness". That kid would've been about the same age as me, brought me back to 1994. Sir Ben Kingsley is awesome regardless of what he does.
posted by P.o.B. at 5:41 PM on January 22, 2009


Han Solo can shoot from the hip with any gun and still be a deadshot, even a bazooka.
posted by P.o.B. at 5:43 PM on January 22, 2009 [1 favorite]


God. Now I want Paul Verhoven to make a Sci-Fi movie with both Steven Segal and JCVD. Steven Segal is the tough talking Jewish-Italian New York Cop and JCVD is a gay Belgian robot sent by the EU from the future and they have to put aside their differences to fight an Alien Gary Busey who is bent on using his laser to laser people in the head.
posted by tkchrist at 5:46 PM on January 22, 2009 [2 favorites]


I consider myself a medium movie snob but I have always loved loved loved Mike Myers movies (I didn't see 54, his Razor's Edge) and I really liked The Love Guru and was surprised by all the hate at the time. I thought it was better than the 3rd Austin Powers movie, for example.

Does this mean no Sprockets movie? LOVE HIM TOUCH HIM!
posted by stevil at 5:47 PM on January 22, 2009


In Under Siege Gary Busey AND Tommy Lee Jones get in a knife fight with Steven Segal.


I remember thinking that scene was so badass when I was younger. Now I watch something like The Hunted, and I just keep thinking wtf is this horseshit?
posted by P.o.B. at 5:48 PM on January 22, 2009


I just want Gary Busey to star as himself in all his movies. Is that so much to ask? I mean talk about instant blockbuster.
posted by P.o.B. at 5:50 PM on January 22, 2009 [1 favorite]


I want Gary Busey and Nick Nolte to play the same role, swapping off from scene to scene.
posted by brundlefly at 5:52 PM on January 22, 2009 [4 favorites]


I can't remember the one but there is one where he breaks a pool cue in half and does sinawali with Dan Insoanto - who plays a bad bar-room thug. And hits guro Dan between the eyes and makes him cross-eyed. Oh my god. Precious.

Oh crap! That's the one where he keeps saying "Where's Bobby Lupo?!" throughout the whole movie. Awesome!
posted by P.o.B. at 5:53 PM on January 22, 2009


"Where's Bobby Lupo?!" throughout the whole movie.

I think he says that in every movie. It's some sort of clause in his contract. He is actually appealing to the audience for information. He really wants to know where that guy is. At the end of the film in the credits there is number you can call.
posted by tkchrist at 5:56 PM on January 22, 2009 [3 favorites]


I suppose the movies that have been mentioned so far are OK for a bad movie fix if you're trapped on an airplane and have nothing better to do. But come on. Truly bad movies are the ones that are so bad that you seriously wonder for a while if you might actually be having a bad acid trip right there in the theater.

For example -- Elves. The plot of this 1989 classic is: Santa's elves are conspiring with Nazis to impregnate a virgin on Christmas eve so that she will give birth to the antichrist, and the only man who can stop them is ... Dan Haggerty. That's right, Grizzly friggin' Adams.

Now *that's* high concept.
posted by kyrademon at 5:58 PM on January 22, 2009 [1 favorite]


I suppose the movies that have been mentioned so far are OK for a bad movie fix if you're trapped on an airplane and have nothing better to do. But come on. Truly bad movies are the ones that are so bad that you seriously wonder for a while if you might actually be having a bad acid trip right there in the theater.

I actually thought I was having a flash back during Superstar.

For example -- Elves. The plot of this 1989 classic is: Santa's elves are conspiring with Nazis to impregnate a virgin on Christmas eve so that she will give birth to the antichrist, and the only man who can stop them is ... Dan Haggerty. That's right, Grizzly friggin' Adams.

This is third time this movie has been mentioned to me in a week. I am starting to freak out already.
posted by tkchrist at 6:03 PM on January 22, 2009 [2 favorites]


Now I want Paul Verhoven to make a Sci-Fi movie with both Steven Segal and JCVD.

This reminds me of my long-held desire to see a movie starring both James Woods and Bruce Campbell.

I love Starship Troopers. The first 10 minutes of Starship Troopers 3 are 50 times better than all of Starship Troopers 2.

Sadly, they are also 50 times better than the rest of the movie.

As far as the worst movie goes, I almost forgot about the 20 minutes of my life I wasted on this. Totally unwatchable:

REBORN FROM HELL: SAMURAI ARMAGEDDON
posted by adamdschneider at 6:12 PM on January 22, 2009


I tried dredging up something real bad out of my head, and the one thing I could come up with is Cursed. There's a scene where Chrisitina Ricci lures a werewolf out of hiding by saying she has a fat ass. The werewolf appears and promptly flips the finger at her.
When I see something like this I have to think what was everyone down the line from the writer thinking when they made this scene? Because they totally did it right!
posted by P.o.B. at 6:16 PM on January 22, 2009


I really liked Starship Troopers, but I admit it cheats at its own satire. Verhoeven was emulating the pro-America war films of WWII, and making fun of it all at the same time. So Verhoeven was saying "Aren't all these jock meathead soldiers a bunch of dummies? Before you answer, check out this great action sequence!" So he tried to have his cake and eat it too. My bigger issue with the movie was how watered-down the script was from the (IMHO) brilliant Heinlein novel. Those armored suits and the mini-nuke guns and such were sorely missed from the movie.

As for Segal, he was in "Executive Decision", a movie I don't actually remember a lot, but I do remember two things. 1) It was a damn good popcorn action movie and 2) Segal is pretty decent and dies within the first 20 minutes, in a pretty spectacular way, too. So he doesn't overstay his welcome.
posted by zardoz at 6:29 PM on January 22, 2009


If people enjoyed Starship Troopers the movie, fantastic. But I'll give you one piece of small dialog from the book to prove how far off Verhoeven missed out and took something spectacular to craptacular:
"This is a bomb!"
And if you don't get that - read the book, because then you may begin to understand how far off Verhoeven was.
posted by P.o.B. at 6:38 PM on January 22, 2009


Pff. I read the novel of BE in the days leading up to the theatrical release, and I recall a profound, unnameable sensation as I watched a film that bore damn near literally no resemblance to what I had just read

Let me get this straight. So your primary complaint about Battlefield Earth is that it wasn't enough like L. Ron Hubbard's novel*? Are you serious? What, there weren't enough references to man-animals hiding their nutrition food from the danger aliens and the hunter hunters?

Actually, if I remember right, the movie was only based on part of the first book, which is the first in a series of like 10 interminable books that were only bought by Sea Org slaves who were commanded to buy 20 copies at a time.
posted by DecemberBoy at 6:54 PM on January 22, 2009


what on earth is Starship Troopers doing anywhere near anyone’s list of bad movies?

Because it was fucking retarded. It's one of the only movies I've ever walked out of, and if I have to hear one more time about how it was "brilliant satire" of fascism or the original book or whatever it was supposed to be parodying, just like every other shitty movie Verhoeven wrote that wasn't Robocop is supposed to be "brilliant satire", I'm going to start punching dicks and won't stop until I'm knee-deep in cream of dick.
posted by DecemberBoy at 7:05 PM on January 22, 2009 [5 favorites]


I'm pretty sure Battlefield Earth was a standalone novel. I think you're thinking of Mission: Earth. Even if you think the book was terrible (and I read it like 8 years ago, so my memory is hazy), you have to admit the movie was much, much worse.
posted by adamdschneider at 7:31 PM on January 22, 2009


Hey December Boy, I still defend Starship Troopers. And don't even think about going near my dick. However I didn't read the book. Obviously it's entirely different so for that reason I can understand why a fan wouldn't like it.
posted by Liquidwolf at 7:59 PM on January 22, 2009


To be honest I saw Starship Troopers the movie and thought it was ridiculous, then I read the book which I thought was brilliant.
posted by P.o.B. at 8:06 PM on January 22, 2009


You know what was awful? Righteous Kill. Jesus fuck.
posted by turgid dahlia at 8:34 PM on January 22, 2009


I'd probably be more annoyed if, say, they made a version of the Forever War with the anti-war message stripped out.
posted by Artw at 8:44 PM on January 22, 2009


I'd probably be more annoyed if, say, they made a version of the Forever War with the anti-war message stripped out.

If only Michael Bay were a MeFite.
posted by adamdschneider at 8:47 PM on January 22, 2009



Amusingly, my film nominated for a Razzie. I produced "The Wackness", and Sir Ben Kingsley was nominated for Supporting Actor for his combined performances in The Love Guru, War Inc, and The Wackness. I thought he was pretty good in our film!


I liked The Wackness, although it was a little too close for a white hiphop kid from New York who turned 18 right around 93 (summer of 94 for the movie right?), but your man selling reefer out of an icee cart? That was a lazy plot contrivance and completely unrealistic, sorry dude. Well acted though, Kingsley was fun, Josh Peck and Olivia Thirlby were really good, very authentic, "Peace Out Forever!"

It wandered off from what I would have wanted, but it was charming and in no way deserving of a Razzie, in my humble opinion.
posted by Divine_Wino at 8:47 PM on January 22, 2009


If only Michael Bay were a MeFite.

Cue AC/DC's "Back in Black"!
posted by P.o.B. at 9:04 PM on January 22, 2009


The people saying starship troopers is bad have clearly never been within 10' of starship troopers 2.

The original created "gratuity night" among my friends. It's so full of satire and awesome that calling it bad is a disservice to enjoyment everywhere.

But the sequel.... an entire bottle of whiskey between two people couldn't make the movie itself fun. But I did learn a very important lesson: if aliens are attacking, you damn well better leave your helmet unbuckled. And reminders of that observation have brought more enjoyment than any movie ever could.

I just now noticed that in the trailer to the original they have their helmets buckled. That might be the key.
posted by flaterik at 9:15 PM on January 22, 2009


If only Michael Bay were a MeFite.

The Roland Emmerich version of the Foundation trilogy will be awesome.
posted by Artw at 9:24 PM on January 22, 2009


Roland Emmerich? The guy who directed Will Smith to say "Welcome to Erff!" while punching an alien?
posted by P.o.B. at 9:36 PM on January 22, 2009


I can't remember the one but there is one where he breaks a pool cue in half and does sinawali with Dan Insoanto - who plays a bad bar-room thug. And hits guro Dan between the eyes and makes him cross-eyed. Oh my god. Precious.

Out For Justice.
posted by Marisa Stole the Precious Thing at 9:50 PM on January 22, 2009


The people saying starship troopers is bad have clearly never been within 10' of starship troopers 2.

I watched the first 20 minutes of Starship Troopers 2, standard B-movie fare. But if we're counting major studios putting a shitton of money into a project with grade A actors the same as a bona fide B Movie with shitty CGI then we are talking a whole new ball game here. I would suggest randomly picking a movie off this actors list and you'll be lucky if you find something that you would consider even wasting your time on. (On preview he played Hoodlum in "Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas", that aside good luck)
How about you try watching any of the Leprechaun movies? The first one has Jen Aniston in it, and subsequent ones he goes to space and to tha hood! (Twice!)
posted by P.o.B. at 9:58 PM on January 22, 2009


I mostly wanted to mention the unbuckled helmets. Seriously. If you ever subject yourself to that movie again, watch the helmet buckles.
posted by flaterik at 10:16 PM on January 22, 2009


RoboCop and Starship Troopers were both written by the same person. What's weird, is that he appears to have written nothing else.
posted by inpHilltr8r at 12:45 AM on January 23, 2009


You know what's weirder? Bill Lancaster wrote John Carpenter's The Thing and the Bad News Bears series. And nothing else.

Holy shit.
posted by brundlefly at 1:52 AM on January 23, 2009


Does anybody else remember the tabloid shitstorm around Starship Troopers when it was released because of its fascist overtones? Or am I misremembering it?
posted by minifigs at 2:06 AM on January 23, 2009


I don't think you're misremembering, minifigs. I remember several columnists (not to mention several mainstream film critics) attacking it as fascist.

You can say that it's BAD satire (although I disagree), but if you don't recognize it AS satire, you're a goddamned moron.
posted by brundlefly at 2:10 AM on January 23, 2009


I mostly wanted to mention the unbuckled helmets. Seriously. If you ever subject yourself to that movie again, watch the helmet buckles.

Ah, but see every single scene in movie and tv history where someone puts on a bike helmet, gets on their bike and then rides away. Do they ever ever buckle their helmet. No.

I'd probably be more annoyed if, say, they made a version of the Forever War with the anti-war message stripped out.

See V For Vendetta will all the anarchy stuff stripped out.
posted by fearfulsymmetry at 3:04 AM on January 23, 2009


Ah, but see every single scene in movie and tv history where someone puts on a bike helmet, gets on their bike and then rides away. Do they ever ever buckle their helmet. No.

People in TV/Movie Land also seldom say "Goodbye" before hanging up the phone. They just hang up. "What? We're going to have to cancel the ski trip? Oh, that's too bad." Click.
posted by Marisa Stole the Precious Thing at 3:07 AM on January 23, 2009


My main grief with Starship Troopers is that they probably slammed the door shut for a faithful adaptation of the novel. Which would have been awesome.

I was having low expectations for Ender's Game as well, but apparently they've cancelled it. Oh well...
posted by Harald74 at 3:28 AM on January 23, 2009


but if you don't recognize it AS satire, you're a goddamned moron.

Or you could recognize it for being complete and utter shit and be a genius.
Jesus H. Christ why the fuck are people so gaga over this movie? Satire about the military and war? Hey thanks for copping me to how that's not so great an idea! Oh wait, that's right you don't even have a punchline because you were to busy filming co-ed shower scenes! Give me a break, the film fails in its basic premise because it delivers the very thing it was supposed to be a statement about. Let me show you how pointless violence is with this scene of our hero shoving a grenade into a giant beetles head all set to some rocking music!
You know when you're talking to someone and they make a joke, but there's a little bitterness to it. So you think they meant it as sarcasm but maybe not and you don't know so you're laughing anyway because it was funny regardless. That's what this movie is - funny because of the ridiculous excessiveness - funny because it way overshoots it's mark - funny because it's plain stupid entertainment like most any other action film. NOT funny because it's ironic & witty and makes some kind of grandiose statement.
posted by P.o.B. at 4:10 AM on January 23, 2009 [1 favorite]


I thought "action movies are ridiculous but enjoyable" was the point.
posted by minifigs at 5:12 AM on January 23, 2009


"NOT funny because it's ironic & witty and makes some kind of grandiose statement"

I didn't think there was any big moral message behind it. I don't think it was a social statement. It was more of a sarcastic violence fest with good looking young airheads getting killed in darkly funny ways. I think was part of the point, if any, was to see these annoying jocks getting awfully massacred.
It's Verhoven, You gotta keep Robocop in mind - that movie was outrageously violent and full of dark humor. It almost had sort of a grindhouse feel , it was so grim. Starship Troopers carried that style , with a larger budget, maybe not as effectively, but still outstandingly weird for a hollywood movie. But that was also 13 years ago or something. The cynical sarcasm virus hadn't swept the nation as much back then.
posted by Liquidwolf at 6:15 AM on January 23, 2009


Oh wait, that's right you don't even have a punchline because you were to busy filming co-ed shower scenes!

It's weird. That sentence looks like English, and yet I do not understand it.
posted by middleclasstool at 7:46 AM on January 23, 2009


flaterik : The people saying starship troopers is bad have clearly never been within 10' of starship troopers 2.

And that still doesn't address the WTFness that is Starship Troopers 3: Maurader, which I watched because of the always lovely Jolene Blalock and the fact that they finally made a Starship Troopers movie that had some fucking power armor. (You know, the entire point of the book it was based on and all...)

So, I'm watching this and it is exactly "ok". Not great, not bad enough to turn off, I figure it will be 105 minutes of blowing shit up and I'll instantly forget it.

But not so: the first 90 minutes are exactly what you'd expect from any reasonable B sci-fi movie, and then, for no real reason, it turns into a Christian religious parable where the main characters are praying to God for salvation which comes in the form of power armor angels who smite the evil aliens with cross shaped guns.

I had to watch the ending two times to make sure I wasn't having some kind of hallucination.

It's pretty fucked up.
posted by quin at 8:10 AM on January 23, 2009


if you don't recognize it AS satire, you're a goddamned moron.

There is apparently an interview with Denise Richards where she's obviously confused by the interviewers references to the satirical nature of the movie. Don't know if this is true, but I want to believe it.
posted by slimepuppy at 8:31 AM on January 23, 2009


I can't be the only person who enjoyed watching The Spirit, can I?
posted by Pronoiac at 8:52 AM on January 23, 2009


One of the key points of the first Starship troopers was that if you fuck around with your helmet you get shot in the head and die.
posted by Artw at 9:17 AM on January 23, 2009


which makes this comment all the more interesting.
posted by shmegegge at 9:36 AM on January 23, 2009


I'm telling you people, there's significance in the unbuckled helmets of the sequel!

I had forgotten all about the "take off your helmet, get shot in the head" scene in the original. IT KEEPS GETTING BETTER.
posted by flaterik at 12:55 PM on January 23, 2009


What you guys are missing is that starship troopers had a much deeper layer to it than at first glance lets you. Verhoeven was all about the social commentary. Remember Verhoeven grew up during WW2 and has an entirely different frame of reference for American Democratic Imperialism that most North American's do.

Compare footage from ST with triumph of the will, and you start to see where he was going with it.

It was intentional that everyone spoke english and looked like they were from southern california when they LIVED IN BRAZIL. It's about globalism, american style fascism, propaganda, and doogey houser as a nazi-esque psychic.

Which is why I think the film is brilliant. Unwatchable, but brilliant.
posted by mrzarquon at 1:27 PM on January 23, 2009


LIVED IN BRAZIL.

Like I said, read the book. The "surprise ending" has to do with the main characters nationality. You go backwards from there and connect the dots.
My point is the movie is watchable and enjoyable (beyond that your reaching for loose threads) but Verhoeven did nothing that wasn't done in the book way better. By the way if you've been to Brazil or at least met someone from there you would know they have quite a diverse population and English is not uncommon.

I'm pretty sure I NEED to watch Starship Troopers 3 NOW!
posted by P.o.B. at 4:07 PM on January 23, 2009


P.o.B.- I've actually read the book, and I very much enjoy it.

Really, I see the movie as some business exec going "we need to make something to be the next Star Wars (that was how it was billed at the time, with the cheesy effects and everything, I saw it in theaters when it first came out), and they went and got Verhoeven to do it, because they loved Robocop (missing the parable for the epitome of 80s corporate greed), etc. Verhoeven decided to make a film about capitilism and globalization. He kind of kept the script around, but he wasn't making a movie to compare with the book. He was making his own movie with his own message in it.

The point wasn't that brazil was a little bit American, it was that brazil was entirely indistinguishable from southern california. As in no Favelas, nothing. Just white, beautiful looking, almost I dare say Aryan, people. He's comparing american globalism and consumerism to nazi germany. Heinlein was not doing that at all in the book, his was about democratic service and the qualities of leadership, and really a participatory government. Also aliens, bugs and nifty suits.

So if you are expecting to see Heinlein put to screen in Starship Troopers the movie, you aren't going to see it in the version Verhoeven made. It's not bad, it's just coming out of completely left field with it's own agenda.
posted by mrzarquon at 4:33 PM on January 23, 2009


Yes I get that. We're are barely disagreeing here then. One difference being I don't think Starship Troopers the film was good at all, and that it is actually enjoyable in it's "badness". Really I think were just talking about the amount of competence we are entrusting Verhoeven with. Let us look at his movies of the past twenty years:
Zwartboek (2006) - ?? (Has anyone even heard of this movie?)
Hollow Man (2000) - Complete Shit - Man becomes invisible and then goes completely insane. Premise being without culpability a person has no moral compass. Not to mention an intravenous injection with invisible juice will make you disappear from the outside first. This guy doesn't really get basic science does he?
Starship Troopers (1997) - *coughcough*
Showgirls (1995) - I haven't seen this, but I also haven't heard anybody say this was good either.
Basic Instinct (1992) - Meh...Sharon Stone crotch shot...did I miss anything?
Total Recall (1990) - He directed this but had little to do with it's story. He was pulled on board by Schwarzenegger who had say over everything.(via wikipedia)
Robobcop (1987) - *clapclapclap* Classic action film. He actually threw the script in the bin when he first read it.(via wikipedia)

As far as I can tell the guy throws together some sex & violence (a lot of violence) and (if he can) hacks in some borrowed ideas with half baked ideas. He can definitely titillate audiences though.
posted by P.o.B. at 6:10 PM on January 23, 2009


Zwartboek is Black Book, which is aces.

But, you know, our tastes seem fundamentally opposed, so take that how you will.
posted by Artw at 6:15 PM on January 23, 2009


I still need to see Soldier of Orange. Verhoeven + Rutgeur Hauer + nazis + international acclaim.
posted by Artw at 6:28 PM on January 23, 2009


As for Segal, he was in "Executive Decision", a movie I don't actually remember a lot, but I do remember two things. 1) It was a damn good popcorn action movie and 2) Segal is pretty decent and dies within the first 20 minutes, in a pretty spectacular way, too. So he doesn't overstay his welcome.

I maintain that Segal is not actually killed in this movie. As I recall, he falls away from the plane and into a cloud with no parachute. However, since you never see him once he disappears into the cloud, we have no confirmation that he died! If they'd shown us the horrible, splattery impact... Maybe I could believe he'd actually died in a movie.

Unfortunately, Steven Segal might be able to survive plummeting many thousands of feet, and so I cannot believe they really killed him.
posted by sparkletone at 11:35 AM on January 25, 2009


In Starship Troopers
Neil Patrick Harris
defeats an eight and a half ton penis

That is all.
posted by fullerine at 12:50 PM on January 25, 2009


Michael Ironside should have been given a special "Improvements to the Art of Gravitas" Oscar at the 1997 Academy Awards for his "They sucked his brains out!" line in Starship Troopers. The man is a genius.
posted by AndrewStephens at 11:42 PM on January 28, 2009


One of the rules I live by is that any film that has Micheal Ironside in cannot be all bad
posted by fearfulsymmetry at 1:53 AM on January 29, 2009


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