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Fast Food Feud
January 22, 2009 12:33 PM   Subscribe

First Keith Olbermann and now Domino's? Take that, Subway!
posted by JVA (94 comments total) 1 user marked this as a favorite

 
Domino's pizza exec in front of the cameras? Well, at least it's not Tom Monaghan.

Screw Domino's.
posted by gurple at 12:39 PM on January 22, 2009


Think of what Domino's and Subway could do if they teamed up instead--why, they could make some kind of tomato-sauce meat-ball sub-way sand-wich! That would be fucking great.
posted by Citizen Premier at 12:43 PM on January 22, 2009 [2 favorites]


Ad weak.
posted by rusty at 12:44 PM on January 22, 2009 [1 favorite]


Why do companies pick on Subway like this? If you're eating at one, it's because you either give a damn about your health, and don't want to eat a clotted cheese fuckwich heaped up with oily dressing run through a toaster oven for a premium; or it's because you're a college student, and you only have $5.
posted by boo_radley at 12:45 PM on January 22, 2009 [9 favorites]


Oh, wait, domino's makes sandwiches now? I didn't know. I guess I should eat more expensive fast food, huh.
posted by Citizen Premier at 12:45 PM on January 22, 2009


Wow. Battle of the suck.
posted by eyeballkid at 12:48 PM on January 22, 2009


I know how to settle this. Jared Fogle and the Noid have a knife fight.
posted by Dr-Baa at 12:50 PM on January 22, 2009 [10 favorites]


<nopepsiblue>How is this considered interesting?</nopepsiblue>
posted by Brak at 12:56 PM on January 22, 2009


I never got the whole "Sandwich Artist" thing. Are we really supposed to believe the bullshit idea that Subway workers are some sort of 'artists' when they assemble standardized ingredients according to portion control? I sure as hell don't buy it, and I can't imagine the poor suckers at Subway see themselves as sandwich artists- it's like adding insult to injury.

i just had an awesome dinner consisting of made-from-scratch chili and fresh cornbread. subway's sounding kind of gross.
posted by dunkadunc at 12:56 PM on January 22, 2009


Subway's sandwiches are delicious. Domino's sandwiches are greasy, taste of chemicals, and give me a sodium headache. No thx.
posted by kryptondog at 12:56 PM on January 22, 2009


Next up in Consumer Death Match: KFC Famous Bowl vs. McRib! Consumer Death Match: No matter who wins, you lose!
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 12:57 PM on January 22, 2009 [3 favorites]


I wonder what the ratio is in a taste test between Domino's and any other pizza.
posted by Stylus Happenstance at 12:59 PM on January 22, 2009 [1 favorite]


I am still nursing an enormous grudge against the surly Sandwich Artist who artistically interpreted my "oil and vinegar, salt and pepper" to mean "a shitload mayonnaise all over it" and then, when I complained, attempted to wipe the mayo off with a napkin. I don't really give a shit about any sort of sandwich wars, but if Domino's can find a way to run that guy through a 450 degree toaster oven, I'm at least nominally in their corner.
posted by Wolfdog at 1:03 PM on January 22, 2009 [5 favorites]


Subway sued Quiznos over some user-generated advertising awhile back. They don't really seem to have much of a sense of humor about how much their sandwiches suck.
posted by dhammond at 1:05 PM on January 22, 2009 [1 favorite]


I haven't tried a Dominos sandwich (the Dominos outlets around here don't carry them) so I don't really have a dog in this fight, but I will tell you this: The "five-dollar foot-long Spicy Italian" is perhaps the greatest thing to ever happen to the cold sandwich market. Two days' worth of lunch for five bucks? Count me in, friend. The local sandwich shop nearest my office charges $7 for a crappy roast beef on white that you still feel hungry after eating, and it tastes like ass, too.

Now, on a good day, the italian sandwich at Blimpie's a few miles down the road beats Subway's, hands-down, but it's also almost 50% more expensive and the quality seems to be hit-or-miss - and it only takes one bad Blimpie's sandwich to put you off the idea of another one for a long, long while. Our nearest Subway seems to always have uniformly good-quality fresh ingredients, and unlike Blimpie's I have yet to spend the next day afraid to walk more than a few feet from the bathroom.
posted by mr_crash_davis mark II: Jazz Odyssey at 1:06 PM on January 22, 2009 [1 favorite]


Made me think of this from McSweeney's...

White House Staff Memo Regarding the Transition on January 20

1. As of this morning, the red phone is again routed to the Kremlin, not Domino's. Please use a regular phone to place your lunch order.
posted by orme at 1:09 PM on January 22, 2009


Subway's sandwiches are delicious.

What?!? There are some good things about Subway. It's relatively cheap and, compared to some fast food, can be relatively healthy. But delicious?

Subway tastes like a serving of bland wrapped in either styrofoam or cardboard depending on the sandwich and bread you order.
posted by Justinian at 1:10 PM on January 22, 2009 [1 favorite]


Why I don't eat Subway any more?

Bread.

Then more bread.

Then some bread on top of that.

6 ounces of meat, 2.5 pounds of bread.

Oh, and have you considered our Bread Meal Deal? For only .99 cents more, your footlong can have triple bread!

Ack.

(On, and I enjoy the occasional McRib. Suck it, haters.)
posted by Samizdata at 1:10 PM on January 22, 2009 [2 favorites]


There's still too much of the soup nazi effect at subway (and chipotle and quiznos, etc.) in that you get people in line who finally reach the ordering point are completely dumbfounded at how to order. They need a fastpass lane or something for frequent gobblers. I was behind this girl on her blackberry the other day and the line was pretty long and she was typing so animatedly that by the time she reached the time to order she was incapable of shifting her attention from text to food in any sort of coherent way at all (manifested in a blank where-am-I stare at the menu board). I moved right past that lemming and got my shit like 1 minute quicker. As Olbermann would say, "How dare you, sir!"
posted by mattbucher at 1:10 PM on January 22, 2009 [1 favorite]


To let you know where I'm coming from; Double-doubles with grilled onions are the sandwich by which all other fast food sandwiches shall forevermore be measured.
posted by Justinian at 1:11 PM on January 22, 2009 [7 favorites]


I never got the whole "Sandwich Artist" thing. Are we really supposed to believe the bullshit idea that Subway workers are some sort of 'artists' when they assemble standardized ingredients according to portion control? I sure as hell don't buy it, and I can't imagine the poor suckers at Subway see themselves as sandwich artists- it's like adding insult to injury.

The only person who I think can claim this title would have been Arthur Dent in Mostly Harmless:
The chief among the knives, of course, was the carving knife. This was the knife that would not merely impose its will on the medium through which it moved, as did the bread knife. It must work with it, be guided by the grain of meat, to achieve slices of the most exquisite consistency and translucency, that would slide away in filmy folds from each hunk of meat. The Sandwich Maker would then flip each sheet with a smooth flick of the wrist onto the beautifully proportioned bread slice, trim it with four deft strokes and then at last perform the magic that the children of the village so longed to gather round and watch with rapt attention and wonder.

With just four more dextrous flips of the knife he would assemble the trimmings into a perfectly fitting jigsaw of pieces on top of the primary slice. For every sandwich the shape and size of the trimmings were different, but the Sandwich Maker would always effortlessly and without hesitation assemble them into a pattern which fitted perfectly. A second layer of meat and a second layer of trimmings, and the main act of creation would now be accomplished.

The Sandwich Maker would pass what he had made to his assistant, who would then add a few slices of newcumber and fladish and a touch of splagberry sauce, and then apply the topmost layer of bread and cut the sandwich with a fourth and altogether plainer knife. It was not that these were not also skillful operations, but they were lesser skills to be performed by a dedicated apprentice who would one day, when the Sandwich Maker finally laid down his tools, take over from him. It was an exalted position and that apprentice, Drimple, was the envy of his fellows. There were those in the village who were happy chopping wood, those who were content carrying water, but to be the Sandwich Maker was very heaven.

And so the Sandwich Maker sang while he worked.
posted by Spatch at 1:13 PM on January 22, 2009 [13 favorites]


Wolfdog, that happens to me all the time and I think it's muscle memory. You make sandwiches all day every day and pretty soon you are making some frankensteinian amalgamation of the first 200 orders you completed.

"Light mayo". Splluuuuuuurt.
"Just a little salt and pepper". Shakeashakeashakeshakeshakea
"Light lettuce" *two hand grab into the rectangular metal bin*
posted by cashman at 1:14 PM on January 22, 2009 [2 favorites]


The meat they use at Subway reminds me of skin grafts and I mean that in a bad way.
In their commercials they show a sub bursting with cheeses, meats, and veggies, but what you get is a warm bun with a hint of some ones skin grafts and a thin slice of cheese cut into 2 pieces. You then get to load it up with the leftovers from the Sizzlers salad bar.
posted by doctorschlock at 1:16 PM on January 22, 2009 [6 favorites]


What do they put in the bread to make it smell like that?
posted by box at 1:21 PM on January 22, 2009 [2 favorites]


Of course, if you want a really good sandwich, you have to make your own.
posted by mr_crash_davis mark II: Jazz Odyssey at 1:21 PM on January 22, 2009 [2 favorites]


i think they bake jared's breath into the bread...
posted by JVA at 1:22 PM on January 22, 2009


Wow, dominos.com is a really really broken site.
posted by 7segment at 1:22 PM on January 22, 2009


Makes sense, cashman, but I'm sure you'd deal with it a bit more gracefully than this guy did. He was pretty angry with me both for not wanting mayonnaise and for not accepting his sullen effort at smearing it around a bit.
posted by Wolfdog at 1:23 PM on January 22, 2009


I just miss the way Subway used to cut their bread, that little wedge out of the top.

Oh, you can supposedly ask for that, but whenever I do, I get a blank stare.

Back in my day they really were Artists. Now, mere sandwich craftspersons.
posted by padraigin at 1:25 PM on January 22, 2009 [4 favorites]


Wait, I thought some guy passionate about marketing was going to wear my t-shirt to a cutting-edge corporate flash mob. Why is everyone talking about Domino's tasty sandwiches all of the sudden?
posted by Bokononist at 1:31 PM on January 22, 2009


Two days' worth of lunch for five bucks?

Crap. I'm doing it wrong.
posted by inigo2 at 1:32 PM on January 22, 2009


Pfft. Dominoes can't even get my order for "NONE pizza with left beef" right.
posted by piratebowling at 1:33 PM on January 22, 2009 [7 favorites]


I went to buy a Domino's sandwich last night.

When I asked for extra onions on the sandwich, I was charged a dollar for 'extra toppings" because "it doesn't come with that". At Subway, I can specify as many vegetables and condiments as I want, with feeling nickeled and dimed. But I sucked it up.

Then I watched my sandwich being made. By guys who had just picked up the phone or handled customer money or wiped their noses, and who weren't wearing gloves. At Subway, the sandwich maker puts on new pair of gloves before touching any food items. The Domino employee's explanation was that "we don't have to wear gloves, because it goes through a 600 degree oven".

Yeah, maybe that's safe for a pizza that's being cooked, but it doesn't work for a sandwich that's merely being heated; even if it did, I still wouldn't want to be ingesting the heat-sterilized fecal matter that was on pizza-boy's fingers.

Domino's core competency is in baking pizzas, and that doesn't translate well to making deli-sandwiches, either in terms of pricing model ($1.00 per topping) or hygeine. Thanks, but I'll be going to Subway or Wawa.
posted by orthogonality at 1:33 PM on January 22, 2009 [11 favorites]


I'm so glad to live where we have real pizza and real sandwiches. Doesn't mean we don't use Subway when absolutely needed, or call out to Dominoes when that base craving kicks in every now and again. Reminds me of spending a summer in Virginia where they had no idea there were alternatives. "What do you mean, real New York pizza? There's only Papa Johns and Dominoes, everyone knows that!!" Subway is delicious? Gimme a frickin' break. Go to any reputable deli in NY (not your average corner bodega), and taste the real thing.
posted by ChickenringNYC at 1:36 PM on January 22, 2009 [2 favorites]


Then I watched my sandwich being made. By guys who had just picked up the phone or handled customer money or wiped their noses, and who weren't wearing gloves. At Subway, the sandwich maker puts on new pair of gloves before touching any food items. The Domino employee's explanation was that "we don't have to wear gloves, because it goes through a 600 degree oven".

When I was at subway once, a worker sneezed and she covered her mouth. Good right? Except she used her gloved hand and then made my sandwitch without changing it.

Also, the sandwiches are bland as fuck. Quiznos at least has some flavor
posted by delmoi at 1:42 PM on January 22, 2009


Pfft. Dominoes can't even get my order for "NONE pizza with left beef" right.
posted by piratebowling at 4:33 PM on January 22 [+] [!]


The ISO Pizza Protocol 427-g specifies that left means stage left, so the dude was on the wrong side of the pizza.
posted by Bokononist at 1:42 PM on January 22, 2009


Makes sense, cashman, but I'm sure you'd deal with it a bit more gracefully than this guy did. He was pretty angry with me both for not wanting mayonnaise and for not accepting his sullen effort at smearing it around a bit.

I ordered a tuna sandwich in mid 2007. As the guy went to scoop out the tuna and spread it on, I said "that's great" after he spread the first bit on. He stopped. "Yep, that's fine right there, that's all I want". "Naaaw," he said. "You gotta have more on there than that!" and he slathered the rest of it on. I just said "okay, You eat it then." and walked past the line and out the door. It wasn't until last month that I went back for a sandwich.

It happens at other sub places too. Never that bad, but saying "light" does not compute. You can almost see them thinking it but their arm literally won't not just put on the normal amount. I've been experimenting trying to figure out what combination of words will effectively convey the idea. "Tiny bit"? "small amount"? "Itsy Bitsy"? None of it seems to work. I could even forgive the oversqueeze, but if someone asks for "light" and you're making multiple passes, you should probably ask yourself if you're doing it wrong.
posted by cashman at 1:43 PM on January 22, 2009 [1 favorite]


Do you Subway-eating people not have delis? Jesus fuck.
posted by uncleozzy at 1:50 PM on January 22, 2009 [2 favorites]


Wow, I saw the commercial where the CEO burns the cease-and-desist letter the other day, and I thought it was just a joke, but this is turning into a big deal, it looks like. I wonder if there will be some kind of litigation. In any event, I'm sure that we can continue to watch PRnewswire.com, Ad Week, and the rest of the leading lights of the advertising industry's fine news publications to keep us posted as these important and exciting events unfold.
posted by koeselitz at 1:51 PM on January 22, 2009


cashman: I ordered a tuna sandwich in mid 2007. As the guy went to scoop out the tuna and spread it on, I said "that's great" after he spread the first bit on. He stopped. "Yep, that's fine right there, that's all I want". "Naaaw," he said. "You gotta have more on there than that!" and he slathered the rest of it on. I just said "okay, You eat it then." and walked past the line and out the door. It wasn't until last month that I went back for a sandwich.

... and there he was, sandwich in hand: "sir, you left without your food. You should take it now - the little timer above my work station says that I can't serve it after next week."

"Thanks for choosing Subway! Eat Fresh!"
posted by koeselitz at 1:55 PM on January 22, 2009


I started out siding with Domino's, but Subway makes some pretty good points in that last link.

Fuck Domino's.
posted by mrgrimm at 1:56 PM on January 22, 2009


I just miss the way Subway used to cut their bread, that little wedge out of the top.

That would be the "I-Gouge." Now they use the "Hinge." They do this, accordingly to my former sandwich artist friend, to preserve the beauty that is the top of the bread.

Sucks for meatball subs.

Also: Your favorite city that has everything so why would I ever eat at Subway/Domino's etc. sucks.
posted by SpiffyRob at 1:57 PM on January 22, 2009 [3 favorites]


No, I don't have a fucking deli, you New York asshole. Am I getting the tone right?
posted by Wolfdog at 2:03 PM on January 22, 2009 [8 favorites]


Hmmm. Never had a Blimpies. Never Had a Dominos. (sandwich or pizza) Never had a Subway. Never Had a KFC anything.

Probably says something pretty bad about me. Well, I have had a Wendy's chili. Once.
posted by notreally at 2:06 PM on January 22, 2009


Do supermarket delis not make sandwiches in the rest of the universe? The mind boggles.
posted by uncleozzy at 2:07 PM on January 22, 2009


'ey you fuckin' rod, you goddamn rube, we got a Queen's Deli right here in Broomfield fuckin' Colorado.

* grabs at crotch.
posted by boo_radley at 2:08 PM on January 22, 2009 [1 favorite]


"Domino's core competency is in baking pizzas, and that doesn't translate well to making deli-sandwiches, either in terms of pricing model ($1.00 per topping) or hygeine."

No, their core competency is in delivery. Their pizzas suck too. They should simply be an outsourcing option for other restaurants, so that they can get you your food quickly.
posted by klangklangston at 2:08 PM on January 22, 2009 [4 favorites]


Oh, and someone should call Ad Week and tell them that Nielsen Ratings for Web Sites are a pointless hassle. There are a billion better ways to know whether your web sites work for people, like, oh, I don't know, looking at it, and they don't involve hassling the user for market demographic data. It's fucking stupid when allmusic.com does it too. What is their problem? And why the hell did they think Neilsen Ratings would help?

Maybe, since they put those things up, they can tell me what kind of boring, spineless creatures actually click yes when they get an annoying pop-up asking cordially if they would like to participate in a marketing research survey on a page already clogged with ads. Why exactly is it so hard for people to understand the

(1) Make good web site.
(2) Watch hit counts.
(3) Improve if hit counts go down and experiment to find out what works.

model? It seems relatively intuitive.
posted by koeselitz at 2:11 PM on January 22, 2009


uncleozzy, are you doing a fake Olbemerman-tirade-athon thing? Cuz we can't hear it through the computer. Sir.
posted by Potomac Avenue at 2:11 PM on January 22, 2009


Olbermerman

Yeah I said it the guys a cold fish.
posted by Potomac Avenue at 2:12 PM on January 22, 2009 [3 favorites]


Sometimes I get hung up on certain things. Maybe sandwiches--good, real sandwiches--should be a public commoddity. You've got your municipal water, your electric. Maybe you've got a sandwich bill, too. Maybe they come read your sandwich meter, and whoa, this month you ate 128 inches of sandwich. Maybe turn down the herostat a notch next month.
posted by uncleozzy at 2:16 PM on January 22, 2009 [20 favorites]


They should simply be an outsourcing option for other restaurants, so that they can get you your food quickly.

Deliverators, Inc.

I actually really like Subway. Anyplace you can get a bunch of veggies piled on bread for $2.50 is okay by me.
posted by Pope Guilty at 2:24 PM on January 22, 2009 [1 favorite]


The tongue has 9000 taste buds. Each bud is a tiny receptor cell that sends messages to the brain in order to analyze and identify food. Subway bread has been scientifically engineered to numb 8900 of these.
posted by netbros at 2:24 PM on January 22, 2009


Domino's pizza exec in front of the cameras? Well, at least it's not Tom Monaghan.

David Brandon's a big money GOP asshole too. Dominos is some sort of conservative pizza kingdom, which probably doesn't really have anything to do with how their pizza tastes like the sweat of Satan's balls, but I like to pretend it does (ORDER DOMINOS NOW THROUGH YOUR TIVO). The Dominos versus Subway fight is to me on par with whether I'd rather eat toe jam or ear wax. I'd rather eat either than shit but luckily there are other options.

I'd like to see that Olberman material done by a better impersonator. Too much angry growl, not enough pompous intone.
posted by nanojath at 2:35 PM on January 22, 2009 [1 favorite]


I used to have a thing for the chicken bacon ranch wraps at Subway. Then one day, a few years ago, I got one and the chicken was blue. Not like coated in something blue, blue. All the way through. Every piece. I don't even know what you'd have to DO to chicken to make it turn blue and frankly, I do not want to know. Also, it smelled like a PATH station. Which, come to think of it, made it a pretty eponysterical sandwich.
posted by Dormant Gorilla at 2:46 PM on January 22, 2009 [1 favorite]



I always wonder what kind of pathetic bastards choose to go to the Subways and Dominos here in New York City, when there's always a real pizza or sandwich place within 50 feet.
posted by Liquidwolf at 2:49 PM on January 22, 2009


"Do supermarket delis not make sandwiches in the rest of the universe?"

The three supermarkets closest to my house (Albertson's, Smith's, and an independent Associated Foods store) that have delis only make pre-made sandwiches (as opposed to made-to-order), which I assume they make on the graveyard shift. When you arrive at the store in the morning, there they are, sitting in the cold case, gleaming in their plastic wrap. The problem with this is that a sandwich which has been sitting wrapped in plastic all morning inevitably is soggy and funky-tasting by lunchtime. If you've ever had the misfortune to purchase a pre-made sandwich at a convenience store you will know what I am getting at.

The sad thing is that all three of these stores have a pretty good (by Utah standards) deli. A nice variety of fresh meats, cheeses, salads, etc. If you're going to make your own lunch, you will have a good selection - it just doesn't translate well to a pre-made plastic-wrapped sandwich.
posted by mr_crash_davis mark II: Jazz Odyssey at 2:54 PM on January 22, 2009


This is no Obama Fried Chicken.
posted by GuyZero at 2:58 PM on January 22, 2009



I always wonder what kind of pathetic bastards choose to go to the Subways and Dominos here in New York City, when there's always a real pizza or sandwich place within 50 feet.


That would be my friend who, despite having lived in New York all his life, chooses to eat at chain places because "That's what normal people do" and he doesn't have deal with the fear that he might order something, not like it, and waste money.

"But they taste like crap!" I say

"I don't care. I know what I'm getting! No risks!"

He also doesn't like having to read menus or learn new names for things, cause that would waste time.

This the same person who turned to bodybuilding so he wouldn't have to talk to people.

So, that guy. He goes to Subway.
posted by The Whelk at 3:05 PM on January 22, 2009 [2 favorites]


don't want to eat a clotted cheese fuckwich

I totally want to eat a clotted cheese fuckwich. Just to see what one is. They sound kind of, I don't know, sexy.

Here in Austin (and in some other cities in Texas) we have Thundercloud Subs, which is about a million times better than Subway and has just about as many locations, but Subway isn't so bad if it's your only option. The Spicy Italian is pretty okay if you load it up with veggies and oil n' vinegar. Never tried the Domino's sandwiches, but they look gross and if they're anything like the pizza they probably are gross.
posted by DecemberBoy at 3:06 PM on January 22, 2009


I just miss the way Subway used to cut their bread, that little wedge out of the top.

People used to complain about that the most when I worked there. "Why can't you just cut it in half, like normal?" was probably the second most frequently asked question. The #1 question was definitely "How long's a foot long?" It took much teenage restraint not to whap everyone upside the head with bread.
posted by hoppytoad at 3:09 PM on January 22, 2009


Well, are they exactly a foot long? I think it's a reasonable question.
posted by goodnewsfortheinsane at 3:12 PM on January 22, 2009


Maybe you've got a sandwich bill, too. Maybe they come read your sandwich meter, and whoa, this month you ate 128 inches of sandwich.

In my mind, I see a kitchen. In this kitchen, a large faucet - except centered over the counter instead of the sink. A hand enters the shot from off-camera, and turns the spigot above this aberrant fixture... and from the end pours a sandwich, in a eye-bending contortion like an inflating balloon. A sound squeaks forth, long and plaintive, like the twisting of a handful of rubber sheets. Finally, after fourteen inches of hoagie emerge from the end of the faucet, the hand twists the spigot shut again, and the sandwich drops free of the opening with an odd *BLURT* noise, not unlike the report of a burp gun. There, laying on the counter, is your ready to eat sammich log, fresh as a commercial and twice as tasty. Brought to you by Dominion Power, Water, and Sandwich.
posted by FatherDagon at 3:12 PM on January 22, 2009 [8 favorites]


I ask for "one little strip of mustard" and then I pantomime the motion along with a "schwizz" sound effect. Works 50% of the time. The other 50% of the time they squeeze so damn hard that they must be fucking with me.
posted by autodidact at 3:18 PM on January 22, 2009


Jersey Mike's!

Jersey Mike's!!

Jersey Mike's!!!!
posted by heathkit at 3:26 PM on January 22, 2009 [1 favorite]


I work at a Domino's Pizza. (Although I seem to have drawn a great mix of co-workers, and nice manager and franchise-owner, I am not fond of the job. It's Domino's.)

orthogonality: The sandwiches, I say feh. They mostly use pizza toppings to make them. This is probably why getting extra toppings cost extra. It goes through the computer as the same kind of thing as a pizza, so it probably applies the topping surcharge. I don't know if this is official, the computer doesn't have a mechanism for entering extra sandwich toppings except the same way as pizza toppings are added. It's possible the problem is with the person who rang up the order. Anyway, for sandwiches I always eat at the Larry's Giant in the same shopping center.

On the gloves thing, it's true. The pizza and sandwiches are not supposed to be touched by hand after they come out of the oven. (The sandwiches are not just heated, they go onto the same conveyor as the pizzas. That is, they both go through the oven.)

For a long time I'd eat at Subway because it's cheap. Statesboro, a fairly small town that happens to have a college in it, had five Subways, one right on campus and another adjacent to it. I'd eat there all the time, and I had no complaints. But a few days ago I had a singularly awful sandwich at a local Subway, I think because of the chicken they use. Oven Roasted Chicken Breast is one of their $5 sandwiches, I wouldn't be surprised to hear they cut back on quality because of it; other chicken sandwiches they make use a completely different cut of chicken. Their cold cut sandwiches are probably better, for it's hard to ruin an Italian after all, and they do bake the bread on-premises unlike Dominos.

But really, neither Domino's or Subway have very good sandwiches.
posted by JHarris at 3:38 PM on January 22, 2009


(Oh, and living up to your name I see, F.D.)
posted by JHarris at 3:39 PM on January 22, 2009


I used to go to Subway because my pot dealer worked there. Now it's only because sometimes as a traveling vegetarian, it's that or Taco Bell.
posted by klangklangston at 3:42 PM on January 22, 2009


I actually like subway, but I eat like shit pretty much so that probably explains it. I also semi-regularly eat the prepackaged sandwiches from 7-11, they're ok. As well as their "nacho boat" loaded with jalapenos. Both subway and 7-11 are on my school campus.
posted by dead cousin ted at 4:02 PM on January 22, 2009


What klang said, with the addition that you can usually convince a crowd of cheapskates and picky eaters to settle on it, especially in the middle of a road trip.
posted by box at 4:17 PM on January 22, 2009


While I know that Subway's isn't the best sandwich in the world, I like them because they are reasonably priced, full of veggies and lean meats of my choosing, comparatively healthy, and only $5 for a footlong.

Would I like better, more substantial bread? Sure. But a $5 footlong is more than enough for a meal. Skip the corn syrup water. Skip the chips. They'll give you ice water for free, if you're thirsty... and I hear that making tea, coffee, or iced tea is pretty easy to do pretty much anywhere.

Does Domino's offer a comparatively healthy, filling sandwich for the same price? No, they do not.

The only advantage I can imagine with Domino's is that they deliver. But do they deliver $5 orders? With no additional delivery charges on top other than the standard tip for delivering orders? I doubt it.
posted by markkraft at 4:26 PM on January 22, 2009


Well, are they exactly a foot long? I think it's a reasonable question.

Yeah, we should've had a bread display at the top of the counter like they do now. That would've helped.
posted by hoppytoad at 4:29 PM on January 22, 2009


(Oh, and living up to your name I see, F.D.)

Yeah, now that I think about it, I guess tap sammiches are kinda Lovecraftian. Eldritch sammiches all oozing slowly from the non-Euclidian tap, Ia!, Ia!, Salami fthagn!
posted by DecemberBoy at 4:30 PM on January 22, 2009 [1 favorite]


Really, all that and when I think of Domino's, I think of crappy, greasy, artificial-tasting pizza that, more often than not, sends me running to the bathroom.

Are their sandwiches really likely to be much better?!
posted by markkraft at 4:32 PM on January 22, 2009


"Well, are they exactly a foot long? I think it's a reasonable question."

Well, even if/when they *AREN'T* exactly a foot long, at least they're indirectly flattering all of their male customers.
posted by markkraft at 4:33 PM on January 22, 2009


So I should stop measuring my penis next to a subway sandwich?
posted by dead cousin ted at 4:57 PM on January 22, 2009


I always wonder what kind of pathetic bastards choose to go to the Subways and Dominos here in New York City, when there's always a real pizza or sandwich place within 50 feet.

Midwesterners who think Olive Garden is authentic Tuscan kwee-zeen.
posted by Zambrano at 5:15 PM on January 22, 2009


Is this where I post an amusing pizza delivery video?
posted by maxwelton at 5:19 PM on January 22, 2009 [1 favorite]


Jersey Mike's!

Jersey Mike's!!

Jersey Mike's!!!!
posted by heathkit at 6:26 PM on January 22 [+] [!]



Jersey Mike's!!!!!
then Subway
posted by cdmwebs at 5:22 PM on January 22, 2009



Hmmm. Never had a Blimpies. Never Had a Dominos. (sandwich or pizza) Never had a Subway. Never Had a KFC anything.

Probably says something pretty bad about me. Well, I have had a Wendy's chili. Once.


Do you own a TV? I'm guessing no, and that you'd like to inform the world of that, as well.
posted by absalom at 5:22 PM on January 22, 2009 [14 favorites]


My band used to practice at a warehouse behind a Domino's, and being poor high school students, they were one of the few pizza places we could afford to have deliver to us during rehearsals. Note that the warehouse was on the same street as the Domino's, was literally the only building on that street that wasn't in a shopping center, had a large sign at the entrance to the street that said "X Warehouse, end of street", had a street number within ten digits of Domino's street number, and that the caller id of the warehouse phones showed up as "X Warehouse". Yet once a month or so (I believe whenever they would hire a new driver) we'd get a callback from Domino's after about half-an-hour that sounded something like this:

"Hello?"
"Yes, this is Domino's Pizza. Our driver couldn't find your address, could you give us directions?"
"We're behind you guys, on the same street"
"..."
"Have your driver go into your rear parking lot and look at the warehouse."

We would then go outside the entrance and wave at the delivery person. Eventually we stopped ordering from them altogether, seeing how the theoretical convenience of not having to break up rehearsal to send somebody across the street for food was being completely negated by us having to give directions anyway a quarter of the time.
posted by Benjy at 5:23 PM on January 22, 2009


jersey mike's is pretty good, for a chain-type place, i gotta say.
posted by sergeant sandwich at 5:33 PM on January 22, 2009 [1 favorite]


So I should stop measuring my penis next to a subway sandwich?

Pretty sure when you cram your pecker into a sandwich, it's not called *measuring*. At least that's why my mom said at dinner the other night.
posted by absalom at 5:37 PM on January 22, 2009


Man, I really like Subway subs (BMT FOR LYFE) , and I think the Domino's subs are fucking disgusting. I think I'd rather heat up a hotpocket than eat a Domino's sub.
posted by empath at 5:39 PM on January 22, 2009


"What klang said, with the addition that you can usually convince a crowd of cheapskates and picky eaters to settle on it, especially in the middle of a road trip."

Your pot dealer worked there too?

So I should stop measuring my penis next to a subway sandwich?

Next to my subway sandwich, anyway.
posted by klangklangston at 5:45 PM on January 22, 2009


12" Subway Club, whole wheat, provolone, toasted, bell pepper, onion, pepperoncini, salt and pepper, oil and vinegar, dijon mustard. No, I don't want the happy meal with it, or whatever you call it.

I'm not in my 20s anymore, and fast food doesn't taste as good as it used to, but I think I could eat that particular sandwich for a long time, as long as it's like once every other week, maybe once a week, but more than that and it starts to get old quickly. Food I make tastes better and is even more healthy, but it will do in a pinch. The cheese is pretty lame, though. Flavored hydrogenated vegetable oil, not cheese. At least let's be honest about it ...

Domino's is not great by any means, but at least it is not Pizza Hut. Years ago, I was broke and starving while a friend was working at Pizza Hut, and that was my primary source of food for several months. The taste and smell have left permanent scars on my soul.
posted by krinklyfig at 6:10 PM on January 22, 2009


Put me in the "Both Domino's and Subway are SHITE" column, thank you very much.

I had a friend back in my hometown who ran the Taco Bell franchise at the college food court. At one point, he'd wanted to expand to put in a Subway, but the Taco Bell people wouldn't let him, because Subway's meat standards were so much lower than Taco Bell's. People never think about the crappy meat because Subway conveniently hides it behind wilted lettuce and such, but take a long hard look some time: it's disgusting, and it's put to shame by actual deli meat.

I am holding in my hand a old stained paper menu from the completely awesome and unique Chicago Deli around the corner from my house in Denver, which has a great old neon sign and more Cubs memorabilia than I've ever seen crammed into their tiny shop. I see here that I can have a meatball sandwich, a Polish sausage, a Bratwurst, or an Italian sausage sandwich, any of which costs between 5 and 6 bucks. If I want to splurge, I will get the pastrami or the corned beef for $6.49; or if it's a red-letter day, I get that old classic, a combo sandwich, for $8.39.

Sincerely, I don't know how a five-dollar sandwich with shit meat and crappy bread charms some people. There are a lot of five-dollar sandwiches out there, at least here in Colorado, and 99% of those five-dollar sandwiches are miles ahead of Subway's.
posted by koeselitz at 9:56 PM on January 22, 2009


Exactly koeselitz... the idea that Subway saves people money is so fucking retarded it boggles my mind. I know good places where I can get a turkey/cheese sandwich.. LOADED with meat, and vegetables and whatever the hell else I want, for like $4.50.
posted by ChickenringNYC at 10:12 PM on January 22, 2009


I hate Subway because I hate having to specify every detail of what I want to eat. Can I just get a meatball sub? You would think so, but no. I have to submit to the sandwich interrogation first. Drives me frickin' nuts. Might as well turn the sneeze guard around and I'll make my own fucking sandwich if I have to direct your every move.

I've tried writing it down and handing them the note, but they ask anyway. "Mayo and mustard?" "What's the paper say?" "It says yes." "Right." "So, you do want it then?"

I prefer places where I can get a standard thing. Or better yet, "the special." Surprise me.
posted by ctmf at 11:49 PM on January 22, 2009


I think the Michael Ian Black vs Tucker Max feud was more entertaining.
posted by Pronoiac at 12:30 AM on January 23, 2009


Just gotta say, if you order a meatball sandwich and ask for mayo on the sandwich, YOU'RE A A FUCKING MORON. A meatball sandwich is ALREADY FINISHED BEING MADE once you put the meatballs on.
posted by grubi at 4:57 AM on January 23, 2009


I always wonder what kind of pathetic bastards choose to go to the Subways and Dominos here in New York City, when there's always a real pizza or sandwich place within 50 feet.

Midwesterners who think Olive Garden is authentic Tuscan kwee-zeen.



Hey now, there are enough palately-challenged Americans right here on the East Coast. My own Uncle, from the Italian side of the family, from the NORTHERN ITALIAN side of the family, eats at Olive Garden cause my grandmother bravely bucked all stereotypes and was a horrible cook who wouldn't know a fresh tomato if she was being pelted with them.

She passed this on to my mother. I think I was 8 before I realized potatoes don't come from a box and there are other types of pizza besides "Microwave". To this day I can't eat cereal because the memory of me and brother shoveling fistfuls of Corn Pops into our mouths like it was Human Chow haunts me in my darkest nightmares.


and I just used my 900th comment to talk about how bad my mom's cooking is. It's all downhill from here folks!
posted by The Whelk at 9:35 AM on January 23, 2009


I always wonder what kind of pathetic bastards choose to go to the Subways and Dominos here in New York City

In San Francisco, there are plenty of delis that make better sandwiches than Subway. (None that are closer to my office, fwiw.)

However, Subway is the *only* place that offers a vegan protein option on their sandwiches. I get the veggie patty occasionally from Subway (again, b/c it's right next to my office), though it is not as good as the BK Veggie (morningstar), which is a much rarer choice for me.

I see no need for Domino's though. Ever.
posted by mrgrimm at 10:02 AM on January 23, 2009


Footlong veggie on sourdough with everything including spinach, pickles, banana peppers, and hold the olives and jalapenos is the best thing ever. I alwasy have to take it back to the office and remake it myself because the tomatoes are bad and the lettuce is brown, but yellow mustard, pickles and banana peppers in the same sandwich is vinegar overload and I love it.
posted by subaruwrx at 5:43 AM on January 26, 2009


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