Primal Tweet

February 3, 2009 12:27 AM

F*** My Life.Grouphug for the Twitter generation.
posted by nasreddin (69 comments total)

Damn you nasreddin, I was just about to post this.
posted by orthogonality at 12:32 AM on February 3

Everyone needs a hug. Especially nasreddin after that Russian lolcat thread.
posted by Caduceus at 12:45 AM on February 3

Today, I asked the girl I like if she wanted to go to the movies, she said yes and I said I'd let her pick the movie. She picked the movie, "Just Friends". FML

BUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUURRRRRRRRRRRRRNNNNNNNNNNNN
posted by Avenger at 12:48 AM on February 3 [8 favorites has favorites]

I drank some vodka and expropriated a couple kulaks. Does that count?
posted by nasreddin at 12:49 AM on February 3

yeah, ROLcats was not all win - though I do see nasreddin's point.

This is hysterical. In a good way.
posted by From Bklyn at 12:51 AM on February 3

This is hysterical. In a fake way.
posted by P.o.B. at 1:02 AM on February 3 [3 favorites has favorites]

You used to be cool, humanity. What happened to you?
posted by stavrogin at 1:05 AM on February 3 [2 favorites has favorites]

An interesting aside: all the entries begin with "Today," even though some of them obviously didn't happen "today" (.i.e, Today, I was having sex with my girlfriend and accidentally called her Brad (one of my roomates name) when I came. Now her and her friends think i'm gay and my roomate Brad moved out.) I mean, unless Brad really packs light, he probably didn't move out today.

It's interesting because the calamities that happen to people seem to be somehow worse if they happened "today", as opposed to, say, "Last week,". There's just something about telling a tragic story that just happened "today" which makes it that much worse, I guess.
posted by Avenger at 1:06 AM on February 3

Today, my little sister and I were reading a book together and out of nowhere, she said "I love you". My heart melted and I told her that I love her too. Then she told me that she was talking to her stuffed animal, not me. FML

Awesome.
posted by GooseOnTheLoose at 1:18 AM on February 3 [6 favorites has favorites]

These are great, though I don't really want to move beyond the first page of either of them for fear of slinking into depression when it's already so late at night.

I will say, however, that particularly with grouphug, these seem to be people who have done bad things, and who are suffering the consequences of them, and I think it actually says a lot about humanity that in their anonymity we can find it in ourselves to sympathize. That, at least without a face to put to the sin, we can imagine ourselves or our loved ones in the same circumstances, and not pass judgment, seems like a big step to me.
posted by Navelgazer at 1:19 AM on February 3

About 90% of these are, "I haven't had sex in a long time" posts which gets boring. But I like how you can vote on entries: "I agree, your life is f***ed" and "you deserved that one".
posted by wastelands at 1:19 AM on February 3

TMI, tweeple. T.M.I.
posted by chuckdarwin at 1:19 AM on February 3

I stand corrected, wastelands. I hadn't noticed the voting feature until you pointed it out. It turns out humanity is as fucked as it ever was. FMH.
posted by Navelgazer at 1:23 AM on February 3

FML is definitely a loooot more interesting than Group Hug. GH just seems so much more... attention-whory, for some reason.

Reminds me too much of postsecret, I guess.
posted by Phire at 1:27 AM on February 3

Today, I have an auto immune disease which causes my penis to look like a tie-dye t shirt. FML

Just for today, eh?

and he says this like it's a bad thing.
posted by Avenger at 1:28 AM on February 3 [2 favorites has favorites]

See also: SecretTweet.
posted by disillusioned at 1:31 AM on February 3

Aside, has anyone posted anything on there? 'Cause unless the "Today," and the "FML" are added automatically, it seems like pretty coherent thinking for a twitter-inspired site. But at the same time, I could see that algorithm going bad really easily. Curious how it works.
posted by Phire at 1:34 AM on February 3

I listen to enough whiny white people at work all day, thanks.
posted by Rykey at 1:34 AM on February 3 [4 favorites has favorites]

The ten or so Meta-ish blogs I read regularly seem to have coalesced into one. Anyone else notice this or is it time for me to go outside?

p.s. It's cold outside.
posted by vapidave at 1:53 AM on February 3 [3 favorites has favorites]

Today, first I thought that 'f***' in 'f*** my life 'stood for 'fuck' but they've got the word 'fuck' written out right there in the strapline so it must be something else. But what? Flap? Feel? Fish? FML.
posted by motty at 1:59 AM on February 3

I'm also surprised at how many stories of "I really like this one guy but today I walked in his bedroom and found him banging my brother" there are. Is there a plague of cute-guys-turning-out-to-be-gay creeping across our fair land?
posted by Avenger at 1:59 AM on February 3

Today, I thought this site was cute at first but it also seems either highly edited or highly faked. The internet still sucks. FML.
posted by Super Hans at 2:04 AM on February 3 [1 favorite has favorites]

Today, I had a great day. THUMBSUPML.
posted by ageispolis at 2:13 AM on February 3 [1 favorite has favorites]

Please and thank you.
posted by hypersloth at 2:21 AM on February 3

Seriously, it's got to be better than whining about it online.
posted by hypersloth at 2:34 AM on February 3

Today, I found out my crush has a colostomy bag because she has no anus. FML

More like FHL, amirite?
posted by miss lynnster at 2:59 AM on February 3 [3 favorites has favorites]

Holy shit, there's a twitter generation already?
posted by Eideteker at 3:03 AM on February 3 [3 favorites has favorites]

Never seen GroupHug, but this is plenty attention-whorey. Time was, we just sat around by ourselves, moping and listening to the Cure. Who the hell thinks the world at large wants to read their precious, self-conscious egocasting?
posted by Emperor SnooKloze at 3:06 AM on February 3 [2 favorites has favorites]

Vapidave: go outside mate, board a plane, fly south. It's balmy... and the nights are perfumed with jasmine and insect repellent. I'm allergic to Jasmine and I love insects. FML.
posted by evil_esto at 3:08 AM on February 3

Time was, we just sat around by ourselves, moping and listening to the Cure. Who the hell thinks the world at large wants to read their precious, self-conscious egocasting?

In my day it was all alt.life.sucks.

Which I'm pleased to see still exists, even if there's less whining than I remember.
posted by Infinite Jest at 3:23 AM on February 3

alt.angst man, that's where it was at.
posted by orthogonality at 3:34 AM on February 3 [1 favorite has favorites]

Via the handy links, I have blamed every single confession on the person who left it. I'm kinda glad* I never got a ton of sex (that involved someone else, anyway) when I was young, seeing how vapid it seems to make you.

* I'm not that glad. Where's my fucking** time machine?
** Literal
posted by maxwelton at 3:36 AM on February 3

alt.pave.the.earth... and yeah, at least most of these smell shenaniganzy. Waaaay too edited and cohesive. It's like McSweeney's Internet Twitterings, but less pithy.
posted by rokusan at 3:41 AM on February 3

Hm, Secret Tweet seems a lot more sincere, though of course that means less funny. These two sound painfully honest.

After my grandpa died, up until my grandma changed it, I called her house just to hear my grandpa's voice on the answering machine.

I love the IDEA of love, but can't stand any other human long enough to actually engage in a relationship. I'm 36 and will die a virgin.

I guess even those with twitter-size attention spans need hugs, too.
posted by rokusan at 3:46 AM on February 3

Today, first I thought that 'f***' in 'f*** my life 'stood for 'fuck' but they've got the word 'fuck' written out right there in the strapline so it must be something else. But what? Flap? Feel? Fish?

It is surely 'fuck' - there's just a huge difference between having the word written out on your site and using it in your domain name. If they put it in the domain name, [e-mail] could pretty much give up on ever sending or receiving email.

A
posted by runkelfinker at 4:07 AM on February 3

I think it's interesting that a lot of them end with some kind of gender qualifier with "I'm a girl." or "I'm a guy." or even better yet the "He was a dude!" endings. Like some kind of punchline. I'm not sure what this really says about anything, but I know I think it's kind of lame.
posted by six-or-six-thirty at 4:16 AM on February 3

If you're not having a ton of sex, you need to date fatter people.
posted by Eideteker at 4:21 AM on February 3

Lately, the Internet makes me want to have less Internet in my life.
posted by jbickers at 4:33 AM on February 3 [6 favorites has favorites]

Today, I got an email from the local D&D meet up group that the next meeting will be on Feb. 14th. I don't know what is more sad... that the group is meeting on valentines day or that I have nothing better to do but go. FML
#5128 (4) - 02/02/2009 at 5:41pm by Noname - love

This is a huge win actually.
posted by Potomac Avenue at 4:48 AM on February 3

sigh. i still miss the original kvetch. and see it as the definite forerunner to all things twitter.
posted by msconduct at 5:05 AM on February 3

Lately, everything supposedly fun on the internet like this just looks fake, like a fishing expedition for a book deal. FML.
posted by availablelight at 5:32 AM on February 3 [1 favorite has favorites]

Today I walked the same 10 mile round trip I do every day to collect some water of dubious hygiene to try and keep myself, my parents and my 7 (was 8 until yesterday) siblings alive for another 24 hours. I don't have a computer, electricity or an internet connection so none of the bacon-gorging, reality TV obsessed, vapid, whiny little bastards that populate the internet are ever going to know or care about this. I am a guy. FML.
posted by i_cola at 5:49 AM on February 3 [16 favorites has favorites]

Why cant we pick just one website to represent the generation? I have seen the Youtube generation, the Facebook Generation, the Myspace (ack) generation. Why cant we have the Icanhascheezburger generation?

God even that sounds wrong
posted by wheelieman at 6:02 AM on February 3

awesome! as far as i can see in the code, FML was created
with a french distribution of Drupal 6.
posted by liza at 6:25 AM on February 3

Fantastic. It's like they resurrected lowbrow and gave it ADD and gonorrhea.
posted by Mayor West at 6:38 AM on February 3

I thought it was going to be all emo kids, but there is some funny stuff here.

Today, I asked a guy out on a coffee date, and we started talking about our mutual careers. At the end of the date he asked me if I had any more questions about job opportunities or any more advice, then shook my hand and gave me his contact card. FML

posted by chunking express at 6:41 AM on February 3

Today, I woke up and I'm still in the Marine Corps. FML
#2960 (10) - 01/28/2009 at 4:24pm by carboat - work - I agree, your life is f***ed (555) - you deserved that one (1225)
posted by ArgentCorvid at 6:46 AM on February 3

They may be fake, but this actually made me laugh aloud:

Today, my co-worker came out to me that he's an active "Furry". Meaning, he likes to wear a Bobcat costume and bang other men who are wearing Husky costumes. I am never bringing my dog into work again. FML
posted by JaredSeth at 9:23 AM on February 3

Today I paid my dime and only farted. FML
posted by digsrus at 9:36 AM on February 3

I prefer reading these in the original French.

Aujourd'hui, ma petite sœur de huit ans arrive vers moi en criant : "Julia ! Je connais le mot de passe de papa !" Toute contente qu'elle le sache, je lui demande alors le code secret. Et c'est là qu'elle me répond fièrement : "C'est sept petits ronds tout noirs." VDM
posted by emelenjr at 9:38 AM on February 3

I've been reading the FML as "for my lose," like some broken-English translation of "For the Lose/Win" crossed with "YOU PROFIT FROM MY SUCK".
posted by Dr-Baa at 9:39 AM on February 3

I prefer reading these in the original French.

FYL
posted by Potomac Avenue at 9:56 AM on February 3

How is this different/better than Grouphug?

It uses Twitter.
posted by Joe Beese at 10:03 AM on February 3

also fun: googling "the worst thing that ever happened to me"
posted by sexyrobot at 10:13 AM on February 3

Emelenjr has it. Much better in French. Even if your French, like mine, is really not great, these snippets are largely short and bittersweet enough to be decipherable without too much trouble.

Aujourd'hui, après une longue série d'examens, je viens d'apprendre que je suis stérile... Ma femme est enceinte de notre deuxième enfant... Je pense que je vais avoir des questions à lui poser... VDM

There's a short article from spiegel.de on VDM (in English) here.

Potomac Avenue, do you have some kind of problem with the French? Does FYL stand for 'Fuck Your Life' there? If there's a joke there I'm not getting it.
posted by motty at 10:20 AM on February 3 [1 favorite has favorites]

FFML.
posted by ooga_booga at 10:41 AM on February 3

The French? No, no problems with the French as long as they admit that they hate my Freedoms.

I just tried to submit one and it mentioned that mine might not be posted and that they all start with "Today," so I'd say though some of them are fake, they are usually crafted to be pretty funny. BTW If you see one about the government shutting down my homepage because websense inexplicably thinks it's full of extreme porn from a user named Cerebellum, that's actually me. FML.
posted by Potomac Avenue at 10:47 AM on February 3

One can end up with a negative number of hugs? Isn't there a better way of putting that?
posted by imperium at 11:04 AM on February 3

Today, I read this awful blog full of terrible vignettes usually hinging on gender confusion. I'm a dude! FML.
posted by solipsophistocracy at 11:21 AM on February 3

Today, my mother called to say that my 11 year old nephew found my secret stash of nipple tassles, furry hand cuffs, and a bottle of lube. He doesn't want to visit me anymore. FML

Personally, I'd be thankful that the snooping little shit wouldn't be rooting through my bedroom any more. In fact, I'd want the little fucker grounded for about a month for that stunt. And I'd be checking to see what he's stolen.
posted by five fresh fish at 11:26 AM on February 3

Aujourd'hui j'ai decouvrit via emelenjr que le sujet d'un bon post Mefi n'est q'un traduction d'un autre site web francophone beaucoup plus drôle, mais Potomac Avenue a dit FYL et j'ai complètement perdu mon sens de l'humour. VDM.
posted by motty at 12:19 PM on February 3 [3 favorites has favorites]

Why cant we have the Icanhascheezburger generation?

God even that sounds wrong

I dunno... sounds reasonable.
posted by jal0021 at 1:42 PM on February 3

Man, I just realized I screwed up the link to the French site.

Vide de merde? Plein de merde vaut mieux, n'est-ce pas?

viedemerde.fr
posted by emelenjr at 1:51 PM on February 3 [1 favorite has favorites]

Why cant we pick just one website to represent the generation? I have seen the Youtube generation, the Facebook Generation, the Myspace (ack) generation. Why cant we have the Icanhascheezburger generation?

I still consider myself part of the Zombocom generation.

(Riddle: does that mean I like LSD too much, or does it just mean I'm an idiot?)
posted by Uppity Pigeon #2 at 4:26 PM on February 3

Today, I slapped a donkey for trampling my squash plants. FMD
posted by bjork24 at 5:29 PM on February 3

Today, I put FMD instead of FML. FML
posted by bjork24 at 5:31 PM on February 3

I love the ones where the "you had it coming" seriously outweights the "your life is fucked" comments.
posted by cranberrymonger at 9:48 AM on February 4

Today, I was stuck in a broken lift with a man who kept using his phone to take pictures of everyone and saying that he'd sent them to the Internet. FML.
posted by subbes at 12:44 PM on February 4

I actually laughed out loud at VDM. And it seems to be real, because it turns out people who don't speak English generally can manage to write complete sentences, so having them all start with "aujourd'hui" isn't nearly as unbelievable as having a bunch of English-speakers use capital letters and all start with "today". Tristement.

Aujourd'hui, je retrouve une copine de lycée sur Facebook. Nous échangeons quelques messages sympas. Je prends l'initiative de l'ajouter sur MSN : son pseudo était : "OMG ! j'ai retrouvé R. pue-du-bec ! Trop lol". Ah, c'était donc ça mon surnom au lycée. VDM
posted by Super Hans at 11:19 PM on February 4