An Open Letter to a New York Times reporter
February 11, 2009 11:38 AM   Subscribe

Dear Allen, I really enjoyed your story on trying to live on 500k in New York City. I lived on 32k in New York City, and boy was it possible! Granted, that was in 2000, and I lived in Brooklyn, and I had yet to develop my habit for cab rides or the blood of Peruvian children (so expensive!). I want to do my part, so I've gone through your article and noted some areas where maybe bankers can save some money just like we're all trying to save money right now.

"Five hundred thousand dollars means taking their kids out of private school and selling their home in a fire sale."

That's interesting, because a bail-out means no national health care plan this year, which is a real bummer because my wife is a Type 1 diabetic and she's close to losing her health coverage and can't purchase insurance on the open market. Maybe she should join the high-risk pool! Bummer, but certainly less important than private school.

Barbara Corcoran, a real estate executive, said that most well-to-do families take at least two vacations a year, a winter trip to the sun and a spring trip to the ski slopes. Total minimum cost: $16,000.

Really? Because my family takes one vacation a year, and that's to my mother's. Total minimum cost: my pride. Different strokes, I guess.

A summer house in Southampton that cost $4 million, again not the top of the market, carries annual mortgage payments of $240,000.


My summer house is in Los Angeles. It's also my winter house. Total excess cost: jack fucking shit. In other words? It's free.

A personal trainer at $80 an hour three times a week comes to about $12,000 a year.


I have a personal trainer. He's the homeless guy I run away from because he smells. A dollar in his tin cup every week or so comes to $52. So far, that's the most expensive thing on my fucking list, by the by.

In addition to paying tuition, "You're not going to get through private school without tutoring a kid," said Sandy Bass.


Really? Because I got through private school -- private college too, no less! -- without ever needing a tutor. Ever. Did I make straight A's? Nope. Graduated with a 3.5. I learned a lot and had a good time too. Total excess cost: zilch. Notice a running trend?

Each Brooks Brothers suit costs about $1,000. If you run a bank, you can't look like a slob.

Oh yeah? Because if you run a government bank, you should look like a slob, because I'M THE ASSHOLE BUYING YOU THE SUIT AND I SAY SO.

"People inherently understand that if they are going to get ahead in whatever corporate culture they are involved in, they need to take on the appurtenances of what defines that culture," [Candace Bushnell] said. "So if you are in a culture where spending a lot of money is a sign of success, it's like the same thing that goes back to high school peer pressure. It's about fitting in."

I'll forgive the fact that a woman who made a career out of describing blow jobs used the word 'appurtenances' without irony, but I would like to point out that if your bank has failed so miserably as to force you to take a government bail-out, then you don't get to fit in, you don't get to have signs of success. You're not a success. You're a failure, and you'll be treated like one by me, the fucker who's paying your goddam salary.

Hey, I know you excused the piece by proclaiming it was 'just for sport,' and I commend you for equivocating like that. I'll give you the benefit of the doubt and leave my disdain for the editor who probably forced the story on you at the last minute ("No, no!" shouted Salkin as he sat forward in his chair, his pencil clattering across the table. Devan set aside her pictures of a kissing couple, while Liesl looked up from the craigslist app on her iPhone. "I'm not taking it. Give it to Robin." "She's at the gym. Sorry, Allen. You drew the short straw. I promise, it's a great story. It'll end up at the top of the emailed list, and I've got a sawbuck that'll back that up." Salkin sulked, more than usual. He grabbed the handle on the Aeron and pulled, the chair hissing, sinking all the way down to the ground. "Fine. I'll take the story." "And the bet?" "You crazy? I don't gamble, and you know that. Not after Topeka. Besides... You'd probably win.").

Thanks,

John Gary
posted by incessant (8 comments total)

This post was deleted for the following reason: I kind of respect in theory the high-concept open-letter-as-post-structure thing I guess you're going for here, but that said this is really not a good fit for the front page of metafilter so much as it is a badass personal blog entry. Kind blows waaaay past the "don't editorialize" boundry here. -- cortex



 
WHAT?!
posted by shmegegge at 11:41 AM on February 11, 2009


I lived on 32k in New York City, and boy was it possible! Granted, that was in 2000

Everything else aside... the differences between living in NYC in 2000 and living in NYC in 2009 couldn't be more different. It's fucking expensive.
posted by SmileyChewtrain at 11:42 AM on February 11, 2009


I know you peppered it with links to make it look like a Metafilter post, but I still think you meant to post this to your blog.
posted by explosion at 11:43 AM on February 11, 2009


This is cute, but...
posted by Pants! at 11:43 AM on February 11, 2009


Eat the rich, and save this post for dessert.
posted by furtive at 11:44 AM on February 11, 2009 [1 favorite]


Is the meltdown tag for you or the banks?
posted by GuyZero at 11:44 AM on February 11, 2009


I would say that this letter would have been better sent directly to the author of the article, but that probably would have resulted in the poster being placed on some sort of watchlist.

Blog post, maybe?
posted by joelhunt at 11:44 AM on February 11, 2009


I think that it is wonderful that MeFi allows me both to favorite something and flag it as inappropriate!
posted by bclark at 11:46 AM on February 11, 2009 [5 favorites]


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