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February 13, 2009 1:05 PM   Subscribe

"Crazy Eric" writes: You are here probably because you've read or heard something about the man who carries 1300 items in his clothes...
posted by Joe Beese (68 comments total) 5 users marked this as a favorite

 
If this guy was ahead of me at airport security I would shoot him in the face with a fucking bazooka.

Which he probably has. In his ankle pockets.
posted by dersins at 1:12 PM on February 13, 2009 [7 favorites]


big deal - harpo carried 3000
posted by pyramid termite at 1:14 PM on February 13, 2009


- there are condoms at various locations of the suit, and even a luminous condom (glows in the dark) (for joking or "playing")

I think "Crazy Eric" can safely leave these at home.
posted by Inspector.Gadget at 1:15 PM on February 13, 2009 [5 favorites]


I wonder if he's somehow related to the banana man.
posted by Wild_Eep at 1:16 PM on February 13, 2009


He caries a poncho and a jacket inside his jacket. No, no, not obsessive at all.
posted by lekvar at 1:17 PM on February 13, 2009 [2 favorites]


Also, check the image he uses as an e-mail link: http://ericlefou.net/email_pervers.gif. (SFWish).
posted by Inspector.Gadget at 1:17 PM on February 13, 2009


I even carry a "luminous condom" (glows in the dark) but it is only a joke, it is washable and reusable and I "played" with it only once .

Played with it only once. Uh-huh.
posted by ericb at 1:18 PM on February 13, 2009


I sometimes think it would be nice to always be sure I had some sort of pocket knife on me, and maybe a flashlight and some parachute cord. But then I realize how much I hate carrying around too much stuff and that it's not worth it. It's a fine line sometimes.
posted by borkencode at 1:19 PM on February 13, 2009


He caries a poncho and a jacket inside his jacket.

Yo dawg!
posted by GuyZero at 1:20 PM on February 13, 2009 [25 favorites]


Did EVERYONE who saw his open jacket automatically think "oh...thats one for airport security"?

That would not have been my first thought more han 8 years ago.
posted by hal_c_on at 1:20 PM on February 13, 2009


nighthawk, is that you?
posted by Meatbomb at 1:21 PM on February 13, 2009 [3 favorites]


> big deal - harpo carried 3000

Yeah, but Harpo burned the candle at both ends.
posted by 7segment at 1:21 PM on February 13, 2009


He should be on "Let's Make a Deal".
posted by goethean at 1:21 PM on February 13, 2009


- jokes

You're doing it wrong.

- cards "FROID" ("COLD") to throw at people : in France we call "to throw a cold" when you say something or some joke that nobody understands and when people then don't know what to say or what to do... but it is only an expression, an image, of course nobody (but me) really "drops" anything.

Something tells me that this guy falls a little short of a laugh riot.
posted by mhum at 1:22 PM on February 13, 2009


Somebody get this guy a shopping cart already.
posted by orme at 1:22 PM on February 13, 2009


I am reminded of something musician friend once said: "Many men can play the guitar well, but only a few can play the guitar and the harmonica at the same time, and it seems fitting that most of these are regarded as supreme talents. But woe be unto the man who goes one step further and adds a pair of cymbals between his knees, for he will never be taken seriously by anyone."

It's such a fine line between stupid and clever.
posted by mosk at 1:23 PM on February 13, 2009 [18 favorites]


I can't be the only person here that remembers Jerry.
posted by Shepherd at 1:23 PM on February 13, 2009


But woe be unto the man who goes one step further and adds a pair of cymbals between his knees, for he will never be taken seriously by anyone.

nope
posted by pyramid termite at 1:29 PM on February 13, 2009


It appears to me that some of his 1300 items are individual pills. If that's the case, then I'm not impressed. Jesus, guy, who amongst us hasn't walked around with 1300 pills in his pocket?

/former raver
posted by Parasite Unseen at 1:30 PM on February 13, 2009 [4 favorites]


Pfft. Only one Leatherman? If this guy was ahead of me at the airport we'd either have an epic world-destroying nerd fight or we'd be able to whittle our own damn plane out of fast food trash.

I think my real goal in life is to make this kind of helpful, thoughtful geekery fashionable and commonplace so I no longer feel the need to carry anything around at all. But for now I feel perfectly justified and comfortable with the level of crap I carry around. I live in earthquake country and I lead an unusual and active life in which I actually use most of it regularly.

Why, yes, I do have a bandage, antibiotic ointment as well as an aspirin and/or ibuprofen. No, I don't have ankle pockets. I have a shoulder bag.

WARNING: MAY CONTAIN FUNCTIONAL SHARP POINTS. HANDLE WITH CARE.

Note to self: You need to replace the emergency power bar in your bag because you ate it last night, you pig.
posted by loquacious at 1:37 PM on February 13, 2009


Before the interwebs this guy would have considered just another crackpot.
posted by tommasz at 1:37 PM on February 13, 2009


Dwight Schrute filter!
posted by christhelongtimelurker at 1:45 PM on February 13, 2009


But can he defeat the almighty Pocketmaster?
posted by Rhaomi at 1:45 PM on February 13, 2009


You are here probably because you've read or heard something about the man who carries 1300 items in his clothes...

Not to mention 1300 distinct font sizes and styles on his webpage. Jesus.
posted by drjimmy11 at 1:54 PM on February 13, 2009


guy needs a purse.
posted by Balisong at 2:17 PM on February 13, 2009


loquacious's comment here reminded me of this classic.
posted by exogenous at 2:18 PM on February 13, 2009


God bless him and his small electrical fan, washable luminous condom, paper handkerchiefs, home made powerful alarm device, toothbrush pen with tooth paste going out of the fibers when you turn the bottom and so on. Me I carry a folding knife and a small flashlight and a lighter, but maybe I should pick up a: paintbrush (for "sweeping" if I must sleep on a dusty ground (for avoiding putting dust in my suit)).

I find this charming and crazy. He evokes fond thoughts of Julio Cortazar.

Autonauts of the Cosmoroute, check it out friends, a late in life autobiographical gem about driving the from Paris to Marseilles on the freeway, wonderful.
posted by Divine_Wino at 2:18 PM on February 13, 2009 [3 favorites]


"websites are made for this "

not really
posted by HuronBob at 2:20 PM on February 13, 2009


If I started carrying my Dremel around in my giant stupid purse, I'd pretty much be this guy. My husband says my bag is like Mary Poppins's carpetbag and that he fully expects that I have a floor lamp in there somewhere.
posted by padraigin at 2:33 PM on February 13, 2009


He caries a poncho and a jacket inside his jacket.

Yo dawg!
posted by GuyZero at 3:20 PM on February 13


What is that reminding me of? Putting an X inside of an X!! Drawing a blank...
posted by dios at 2:33 PM on February 13, 2009


This remind of that scene in the sitcom Taxi where Alex Reiger needs a styptic pencil. Reverend Jim walks by and hands one to him.

"No, a styptic pen...by God this IS a styptic pencil.," says an amazed Alex to Jim. "Why are you carrying a styptic pencil?"

Jim replies,"In light of what just happened, isn't a better question 'Why aren't YOU?'"
posted by Joey Michaels at 2:35 PM on February 13, 2009 [6 favorites]


it may be the nerd in me - but I do love a jacket that has pockets for all the stuff you need in a jacket, like some ski gear with a place for your ski pass, you mp3 player, your sunglasses, your goggles, your avalance tracker etc. I think clothing(jackets anyways) should be more practical like that because I hate carrying a bag.

But this guy is that times infinty +1
posted by fistynuts at 2:44 PM on February 13, 2009


> What is that reminding me of? Putting an X inside of an X!! Drawing a blank...

The Simpsons?

Moe: Hey Sabu, I need another magnum of your best champagne here, eh! And bring us your finest food stuffed with the second finest.
Waiter: Good choice sir, that's lobster stuffed with tacos!
posted by mosk at 2:52 PM on February 13, 2009


Bet he never gets tired of those "is that a(n) ____ in your pants" jokes.
posted by zippy at 3:01 PM on February 13, 2009


What is that reminding me of? Putting an X inside of an X!!

Recently on the gray.
posted by Horace Rumpole at 3:02 PM on February 13, 2009


I have been known occasionally to have a cell phone, a Swiss Army Knife, a pen and a GPS on my person, and once in a while I find a few sealed moist towelettes in a backpack pocket handy. I reckon I have only 1295 items to go.

Still, I guess any virtue can be carried to an extreme.

The thing is, he didn't decide one day to just stuff 1300 items into his jacket. There must have been a time when he was like you or me, carrying a handkerchief, a quarter for the phone and a walkman/discman/mp3 player. Then one day he had 150 items. Then he decided to add more. Why did he stop at 1300 and not 800 or 2000 or something? It's a compelling mystery.
posted by ricochet biscuit at 3:07 PM on February 13, 2009 [1 favorite]


Didn't a variation on this sort of gimmick used to be used by mentalists and the like, who could then produce any common item from their person?
posted by jtron at 3:30 PM on February 13, 2009


This guy must make the worst sounds when he's walking around with all that crap sloshing around. How long after he meets someone until he mentions that he's carrying 30 lbs of stuff with him? Could you imagine getting into a car accident with all that junk? It would just go flying in a deadly rain of knickknacks.

French people.
posted by knowles at 3:34 PM on February 13, 2009 [1 favorite]


That's really not too different from what most interns carry around in their white lab coats. Lets see, I remember having a variety of pens and penlights with different drug names on them, a stethoscope, tongue depressors, tourniquets, IV catheters, syringes, vacutainers, blood tubes (usually but not always empty), alcohol swabs, betadine sticks, a reflex hammer or two, a variety of plastic cards with normal lab values or useful equations, several index cards, a calculator, the hot disease book, a pocket guide to whatever specialty I was rotating on...
posted by TedW at 3:37 PM on February 13, 2009


That webpage was the worst fucking shade of green I've ever seen.
posted by heyho at 4:04 PM on February 13, 2009


I have a weird phobia. I'm terrified of losing things. I once threw away a pair of pants because the large pockets kept me from feeling my wallet against my leg. To keep my nerves steady, I carry as few things as possible ... so this guy's coat is the living embodiment of all my nightmares.
posted by The Whelk at 4:05 PM on February 13, 2009 [1 favorite]


What is that reminding me of? Putting an X inside of an X!! Drawing a blank...

Homer: Got any of that beer that has candy floating in it? You know, Skittlebrau?
Apu: Such a beer does not exist, sir. I think you must have dreamed it.
Homer: Oh. Well, then just give me a six-pack and a couple of bags of Skittles.
posted by diogenes at 4:08 PM on February 13, 2009


Wow. An old girlfriend of mine gave me the nickname "Captain Caveman" for my ability to produce random objects from my coat pockets.
This guy is just humbling.
posted by Busithoth at 4:17 PM on February 13, 2009 [1 favorite]


That webpage was the worst fucking shade of green I've ever seen.
posted by heyho at 7:04 PM on February 13 [+] [!]

No joke: I had some white trash neighbors that painted their house that color. When they finally moved out, the guy who bought the house was fully color blind. His mom had to tell him how ugly it was.
posted by Mach5 at 4:24 PM on February 13, 2009


I'm with padraigin and Balisong; it strikes me as a guy thing to do this and be really impressed with oneself. Most ladies either know someone with a Mary Poppins purse or themselves carry one, so the idea of having piles of useful stuff on hand seem kind of common place. My handbag is only moderate in size, but if I count every individual medicine and pill (advil, tums, nasal spray, bandaids, and frequently my birth control and lunesta for impromptu nights away from home), cosmetic item (blotting papers, powder, concealer, hair brush, hand lotion, half a dozen lipsticks and lip balm, frequently eyeliner and occasionally foundation), frequent snack, safety pins, pens, notebook, paperback, breath mints, sunglasses, regular glasses, wallet, keys, the occasional umbrella or poncho, and the various toys, doodads, and odds and ends I pick up well damn, it's a lot.

Thus, I concur: Dude, just carry a purse. It's easier and more stylish.
posted by mostlymartha at 4:32 PM on February 13, 2009



I have a weird phobia. I'm terrified of losing things. I once threw away a pair of pants because the large pockets kept me from feeling my wallet against my leg



psst ... you lost your pants
posted by mannequito at 4:54 PM on February 13, 2009 [1 favorite]


And here I thought this might be a post about "Resident Evil 4".
posted by BigBrooklyn at 5:05 PM on February 13, 2009


MostlyMartha, I go you one further.....Woman with Mary Poppins Bag PLUS diaper bag: packin' for yourself, packin' for the kids, packin' for the husband and any other living being in your near surroundings (dogs, hobos, crazy uncle-cousins.)
posted by Secret Life of Gravy at 5:18 PM on February 13, 2009


Secret Life of Gravy: I AM that woman. I practically need a sherpa. When I'm working, I have my stuff, and the kids' stuff and I am usually prepare for all types of weather, potential boredom emergencies, snacking needs, headaches, toiletries (for self and potty training children)...

And yet, I can fit everything I need and still be overprepared in a regulation sized messenger bag and one diaper bag. It's all about item tetris. And yeah, the bags are kind of heavy.

I read the list, but I can't remember off the top of my head, DOES this man know where his towel is?
posted by grapefruitmoon at 5:28 PM on February 13, 2009


Towel? Singular? Surely you jest:

* IN THE JACKET (Schott summer jacket) :
- very light viscose american towel (PackTowl)
- many small towels for cleaning optics and so on

* IN THE TROUSERS :
- many small towels with cleaning fluids and so on
- various kinds of cleaning small towels
posted by dersins at 5:37 PM on February 13, 2009


What's in your bag?
posted by Joe Beese at 5:49 PM on February 13, 2009


* IN THE TROUSERS :
- very good belt (Boss)
-fish
- many hooks on the belt with many things : many sorts of keys, small Leatherman Micra tool (with scissors), small diving flashlights, laser pointer, swiss army knife (not the biggest), small tools, battery checker, measuring tape (1 m)...
- gaz torch lighter
posted by Devils Rancher at 6:00 PM on February 13, 2009 [1 favorite]


My pockets are pretty full, but it's a modest collection of useful tiny items. Pen, pocketknife, little keychain flashlight, phone, that sort of thing. It's enough stuff though, that I feel like this when I empty my pockets item by item.

And to be honest, I enjoy the hell out of that.
posted by The Man from Lardfork at 6:57 PM on February 13, 2009


psst ... you lost your pants

No I didn-

...Oh No! It's happening again!

*whabwhabwhabwable!*
posted by The Whelk at 8:12 PM on February 13, 2009


Lo, so he's gettin' hot and heavy with a lady, whips a condom out, drops his coat and bam, out falls a mask, a sponge, a voice recorder, bottles of pills, some batteries and a coat hangar. I'm guessing that's when the woman commences to gettin' the hell outta Dodge, leaving Crazy Eric to wonder sadly to himself, "Dammit, what *other* item must I carry to get laid?!"
posted by jamstigator at 11:02 PM on February 13, 2009 [3 favorites]


SO. MANY. GLUES.

Also, this:
- swim brief

I cannot find it in the photo and expect highly European lols. Where? I want to see him wearing it!
posted by Unicorn on the cob at 11:18 PM on February 13, 2009


um.
i think i am in love.
posted by sexyrobot at 11:27 PM on February 13, 2009


until, of course, a google image search to see if he was cute turned up this animated gif on his site.
O.M.Gesusfuckinchrist.
posted by sexyrobot at 11:39 PM on February 13, 2009


- very good multitool pliers (like Leatherman) : Gerber Legend 800 Multipliers, with very good removable parts in tungsten carbide, cobalt and zirconium, like a saw or cutting pliers

Seriously? A friggin' Gerber? Dude, you could probably eliminate like half that shit if you just switched to a proper Leatherman w/bit kit.

Gerber. Pshaw and feh.
posted by DecemberBoy at 11:59 PM on February 13, 2009


I carry a leatherman and earplugs, too, and some things this guy does not. Like a USB drive and Deet and Capsacin. I'm a delicate flower, I am.
posted by Ambrosia Voyeur at 2:37 AM on February 14, 2009 [1 favorite]


You all laugh, but when the zombies come this guy would be the best person to be around
posted by mannequito at 4:40 AM on February 14, 2009 [1 favorite]


"Hello sir welcome to Ahmed's Dry Cleaning, be certain to remove all items from your jacket pockets before depositing it with us."
posted by turgid dahlia at 5:46 AM on February 14, 2009


This guy is insane. I merely carry a flashlight, Leatherman, 10' of parachute cord, wind/waterproof matches, ducttape (wrapped around the small plastic case for the matches), $3 in quarters (wrapped in duct tape), emergency cash, an Adventure Medical Ultralight first-aid kit (with extra stuff I've added such as additional moleskin, medicines and a micro swiss army knife with scissors), an Adventure Medical survival kit, Katadyn water purifying tablets, a cable saw, cell phone, pen, hand sanitizer and a Doug Ritter folding knife. Occasionally I also carry a firearm (licensed concealed carry) but I wouldn't want to offend the sensibilities here by admitting that.
posted by drstrangelove at 6:52 AM on February 14, 2009


Like half of what he carries could be replaced by one iphone.
posted by Slarty Bartfast at 9:01 AM on February 14, 2009


Waiter: Good choice sir, that's lobster stuffed with tacos!

The fact that the lobster is wearing a sombrero is quite possibly my favorite Simpsons moment ever.
posted by flaterik at 11:23 AM on February 14, 2009


I wish I was that guy.
posted by andoatnp at 2:30 PM on February 14, 2009


What the hell does he do in the summer heat?!

dershins - if he already has the towel, why the hell does he need all that other stuff?

borkencode - I carry a SOG Twitch II clipped to my pants in the small of my back. A lot of mornings I run around trying to find it, only to see that it's still clipped to my pants from the day before because I had forgotten to take it off and throw it in my pocket pile and hadn't noticed it all afternoon/night.

A much lighter alternative to a leatherman is a SwissTech pair of pliars. I haven't yet run into anything that it couldn't do that a leatherman could where a "real" pair of pliars would be better than a leatherman.
posted by porpoise at 8:51 PM on February 14, 2009


mannequito: This guy would be great to be around during a zombie apocalypse because he would be extremely slow-moving, due to his massive collection of shit weighing him down, allowing you to flee while the zombies feast on him.
posted by tehloki at 5:41 PM on February 18, 2009


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