"Extinct" Bird Seen, Eaten

February 20, 2009 8:38 AM

This is a metaphor for something.
posted by pianomover (71 comments total)

Let me guess: it tasted like chicken.
posted by mayhap at 8:38 AM on February 20, 2009 [1 favorite]

This is like rain on your wedding day.
posted by DU at 8:43 AM on February 20, 2009 [11 favorites]

At first glance of the headline, I did a double-take at the URL to see if the domain name was "onion.com".
posted by buzzv at 8:43 AM on February 20, 2009 [2 favorites]

Served rare.
posted by Poolio at 8:46 AM on February 20, 2009 [19 favorites]

I hope it tasted as awesome as it looks. If not, what a shame.
posted by 3FLryan at 8:46 AM on February 20, 2009

"What if this was the last of its species?" Lu said.

However, the buttonquail is from a "notoriously cryptic and unobtrusive family of birds," according to the nonprofit Birdlife International, so the species may survive undetected in other regions.

"I'll get the water boiling!"
posted by Rhaomi at 8:49 AM on February 20, 2009

A bird in the hand is worth dinner in the stomach
posted by mikepop at 8:51 AM on February 20, 2009

" known solely through drawings based on dated museum specimens"

were these drawings taken from a cookbook perchance?
posted by orme at 8:54 AM on February 20, 2009

The greatest trick the buttonquail ever pulled was convincing the world he didn't exist.
posted by burnmp3s at 8:55 AM on February 20, 2009 [8 favorites]

Aw, damn it.
posted by Neofelis at 8:55 AM on February 20, 2009

.
posted by patrick rhett at 8:56 AM on February 20, 2009 [1 favorite]

Ha ha. Take that nature!
posted by Science! at 8:57 AM on February 20, 2009 [2 favorites]

that reads like an Onion headline.
posted by LilBucner at 8:58 AM on February 20, 2009

Let me guess - buttonquail adobo.
posted by jabberjaw at 8:59 AM on February 20, 2009 [1 favorite]

Wait a second... "To Serve Buttonquail"... IT'S A COOKBOOK!!
posted by Greg Nog at 9:01 AM on February 20, 2009 [5 favorites]

Selling a rare quail at a poultry market for meat versus selling it to a zoo... humanity's propensity for greed is apparently only surpassed by its stupidity. And what was the photography crew doing, just twiddling their thumbs? We'll pretty much deserve it when our ecosystems collapse.
posted by CheshireCat at 9:02 AM on February 20, 2009

I have eaten
the bird
that was in
the hostile jungles of a remote Philippines island

and which
you were probably
saving
from extinction

Forgive me
it was delicious
so sweet
with satay sauce.
posted by ardgedee at 9:05 AM on February 20, 2009 [64 favorites]

This is also a metaphor for something.
posted by xmutex at 9:07 AM on February 20, 2009 [5 favorites]

I don't get it. If there were people at the market who knew what the bird was - including, apparently, a TV crew - why didn't someone buy it and donate it to a preservation society?
posted by roll truck roll at 9:08 AM on February 20, 2009 [2 favorites]

.
posted by fourcheesemac at 9:14 AM on February 20, 2009

Sometimes, you gotta eat.
posted by brundlefly at 9:15 AM on February 20, 2009 [1 favorite]

I would have eaten it myself. I would love to be single-handedly responsible for the eradication of an entire species. Especially one known for shitting on your windshield.

And not just anywhere on your windshield, but right on that sweet spot where your eyes are trained when you're looking straight ahead while driving.

I would have eaten it whole and belched out a feather.
posted by jeremy b at 9:16 AM on February 20, 2009

Maybe it's the Bill the Cat of the ornithological world.
posted by Guy_Inamonkeysuit at 9:16 AM on February 20, 2009

Born to be bile.
posted by adamvasco at 9:16 AM on February 20, 2009

mayhap, actually, I thought it tasted a bit like bald eagle. Maybe whooping crane. I'd have to have it again to decide.
posted by cjorgensen at 9:16 AM on February 20, 2009

why didn't someone buy it and donate it to a preservation society?

have you ever gone to a diner or restaurant with friends, and when the time for the check comes all of a sudden everyone's patting their pockets and going "hmmm, I know my wallet's around here somewhere..." and then the few people who actually do pay put in like a dollar each and go "nah, man, that ten in there's mine. I totally paid for my meal plus tip. I don't know who's stiffing us on the bill."

it was kinda like that.
posted by shmegegge at 9:17 AM on February 20, 2009 [2 favorites]

Previously on Birdfilter: l'Ortolan -- "The Soul of France."
posted by snuffleupagus at 9:20 AM on February 20, 2009

NOW I AM BECOME HUNGRY, DESTROYER OF BIRDS
posted by brundlefly at 9:23 AM on February 20, 2009 [11 favorites]

too the people that wanted it to go to a zoo or a preservation society...they only had one! How about letting it go so it has some small chance of finding a mate.
posted by cjorgensen at 9:28 AM on February 20, 2009

Stuffed inside a Passenger Pigeon, inside an Ivory Bill, inside a Dodo, and wrapped in Condor bacon.
posted by steef at 9:33 AM on February 20, 2009 [7 favorites]

This reminds me of the Prometheus tree:

Prometheus (aka WPN-114) was the nickname given to the oldest known non-clonal organism, a Great Basin Bristlecone Pine (Pinus longaeva) tree approximately 5,000 years old which formerly grew at tree line on Wheeler Peak in eastern Nevada, USA. The tree was cut down in 1964 by a graduate student and U.S. Forest Service personnel for research purposes, who did not know of its world-record age before the cutting. The circumstances and decision making process leading to the felling of the tree remain controversial.

posted by Rhomboid at 9:34 AM on February 20, 2009

Let me guess: it tasted like chicken.

A little, I guess. But more like dodo, actually.
posted by Flunkie at 9:44 AM on February 20, 2009

I would have eaten it myself. I would love to be single-handedly responsible for the eradication of an entire species. Especially one known for shitting on your windshield.

AND you could have written the food review with no one to ague with you about it. If you wanted to say that buttonquail taste like chocolate coated raspberries with a lingering after-burn reminiscent of Castrol GTX and Listerine, you could have. If you wanted to say it was like being wrapped up in joy and aluminum foil, you could have. Yours would be the report about how it tasted that would go down in history.

That would really piss off some of the foodies out there, and I think that's what tickles me so.
posted by Avelwood at 9:48 AM on February 20, 2009 [2 favorites]

Stuffed inside a Passenger Pigeon, inside an Ivory Bill, inside a Dodo, and wrapped in Condor bacon.
posted by fontophilic at 9:55 AM on February 20, 2009 [2 favorites]

That's OK, we're discovering new, delicious species all the time.
posted by Johnny Assay at 9:55 AM on February 20, 2009

I'm guessing it was a one legged buttonquail because a bird that rare, you just don't eat all at once.
posted by ElvisJesus at 9:56 AM on February 20, 2009 [1 favorite]

"But there is one more ingredient, your SECRET ingredient!"
posted by bondcliff at 10:00 AM on February 20, 2009

That main page lead in made me spit take my coffee. Absolutely hilarious.

... and, you know, sad.
posted by Lacking Subtlety at 10:02 AM on February 20, 2009

I'm reminded of the first time I read the wording for the original concept behind Douglas Adams' book, Last Chance to See. It was along the lines of, "We go out and find nearly extinct species and then shoot them." Obviously he meant with photography, but I being a naturally violent American assumed he meant with a gun. It sounded like a Monty Python sketch.

"And now, Last Chance to See... a Komodo Dragon!"
BLAM!
"You chance is now over."

This reminded me of that.
posted by cimbrog at 10:03 AM on February 20, 2009 [1 favorite]

I, too, aspire be the last human to taste the sweet morsels of an animal.

As the last human alive, flipping through your family album and laughing madly.
posted by longsleeves at 10:08 AM on February 20, 2009

“What if this was the last of its species?" Lu said.”

Water? Like in the toilet? What for?

Where’s Carmine Sabatini (aka Jimmy The Toucan) when you need him?
posted by Smedleyman at 10:08 AM on February 20, 2009

@Chesire Cat: Well, at least in a zoo they could keep track of it if they find a mate, or worst case scenario, keep a vial of its DNA for future cloning.
posted by mccarty.tim at 10:19 AM on February 20, 2009

Normally I would blame Bush, but man... we need to get a new general-purpose scapegoat.
posted by GuyZero at 10:40 AM on February 20, 2009

.
posted by terranova at 10:40 AM on February 20, 2009

You know, they only discovered the coelacanth wasn't extinct because fishermen were catching them and selling them.

Coelacanth scales make excellent sandpaper for patching flat bicycle tires.
posted by steef at 10:44 AM on February 20, 2009

Stuffed inside a Passenger Pigeon, inside an Ivory Bill, inside a Dodo, and wrapped in Condor bacon.

Passillododorconquail?
posted by odinsdream at 10:47 AM on February 20, 2009

(Buttonquivorybidododorbacon.)
posted by steef at 10:51 AM on February 20, 2009

Stuffed inside a Passenger Pigeon, inside an Ivory Bill, inside a Dodo, and wrapped in Condor bacon.

Yeah, if birds ever start a civilization or anything, they're gonna be sooooo pissed.

Raptor Recipes...

TurChinEn: Liver of a Turk, stuffed inside the stomach of a Chinese man, wrapped up in English breast meat. Oh, and the Englishman was kept in a cage from birth and force-fed wood chips and grain alcohol until his organs ruptured.
posted by Avelwood at 11:00 AM on February 20, 2009

What a shame.
Looks like there wasn't even much meat on him.
posted by rmless at 11:02 AM on February 20, 2009

mccarty.tim: Sorry, I probably wasn't being clear because I find stories like this frustrating. Yes, rare animals ending up in a zoo would be much preferred to them being eaten for all the reasons you listed. Likewise, ethical or not, it would seem like there's more money to be made selling animals to people intent on saving them than there is in selling to people who just want lunch. An outcome like this is simply lose-lose all around.

Similarly appalling, and probably harder to fight due to the superstition angle, is people digging up dinosaur bones and then grinding them up for medicine or killing tigers and making them into "magical" soups and medicines. It's all rather depressing.
posted by CheshireCat at 11:05 AM on February 20, 2009

If it was truly the last of its species, someone probably could have gotten millions for it from some gourmand on eBay wanting to be the one to eat it.
posted by blue_beetle at 11:13 AM on February 20, 2009

The Freshman, has a sub-plot of wealthy gourmands feeding on endangered species. What a hoot.
posted by pianomover at 11:27 AM on February 20, 2009

Except they are really dining on dressed up regular food, while the endangered animals are just props to help convince them otherwise. It's the only movie that asks: Marlon Brando - scam artist or unconventional PETA activist?
posted by mikepop at 11:51 AM on February 20, 2009

Look, if the bird didn't want to get caught, it shouldn't have gone against something as wily as a human. It would've been patronizing to just let it go.
posted by inigo2 at 12:21 PM on February 20, 2009

Man - I bet Jurassic Park was delicious! For everyone involved!
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 12:21 PM on February 20, 2009

A headline writer's dream, an environmentalist's nightmare.
posted by moonbiter at 12:22 PM on February 20, 2009

beautiful
posted by hortense at 12:41 PM on February 20, 2009

This isn't over!
posted by Passillododorconquail Buttonquivorybidododorbacon at 12:59 PM on February 20, 2009 [6 favorites]

I find it sad actually, it's really quite a pretty bird.

Disclosure: my wife kept non-endangered button-quail as pets and they are all kinds of adorable.
posted by quin at 1:07 PM on February 20, 2009

"("Smiling Jim" Treponema, at that moment, was navigating a very dangerous pass in the mountains of Northern California. Strapped to his back was a 6mm Remington Model 700 Bolt Action rifle with 6-power Bushnell telescope; a canteen of whiskey was hooked to one side of his belt, and a canteen of water to the other. He was perspiring from labor, in spite of the altitude, but he was one of the few happy people in the country, since he had been nowhere near a radio for three days and had missed the whole terror connected with Anthrax Leprosy Pi plague, the declaration of martial law, and the rioting and bombings. He was on his yearly vacation, free from the sewer of smut in which he was submerged forty-nine weeks of the year— the foulness and filth in which he heroically struggled daily, risking his soul for the good of his fellow citizens— and he was breathing clean air and thinking clean thoughts. Specifically, as an avid hunter, he had read that only one American eagle still survived, and he was determined to be immortalized in hunting literature as the man who killed it. He knew well, of course, how ecologists and conservation-ists would regard that achievement, but their opinions didn't bother him. A bunch of fags, commies, and smut-nuts: That was his estimate of those bleeding-heart types. Probably smoked dope, too. Not a man's man among them. He shifted his rifle, which was pressing his sweat-soaked shirt uncomfortably, and climbed onward and upward.)"

-Leviathan (book three in the Illuminatus! trilogy) by Robert Anton Wilson and Robert Shea
posted by Hactar at 1:20 PM on February 20, 2009

As somebody who occasionally writes comedy, I'd like to thank real life for once again making my job easy.
posted by Joey Michaels at 2:58 PM on February 20, 2009

*facepalm*

I hope it was poisonous, at least. That would be a metaphor worth teaching.
posted by Kevin Street at 3:07 PM on February 20, 2009

The Ugly Chickens
posted by RobotVoodooPower at 6:44 PM on February 20, 2009 [1 favorite]

This put me in mind of a newspaper article from a while back, and I noticed there's a 'regionaldishes' tag: Maybe there's a silver lining....
posted by Kronos_to_Earth at 7:39 PM on February 20, 2009

On the one hand, it might've been nice to study that bird.

On the other hand, if they thought it was extinct anyway, the net loss is zero.

On the other other hand, I wonder what the eggs taste look like.
posted by Sys Rq at 8:49 PM on February 20, 2009

What? No seconds?
posted by Xoebe at 8:59 PM on February 20, 2009

xmutex

is that the new animal collective single?
posted by saul wright at 10:15 PM on February 20, 2009

wrapped up in English breast meat. Oh, and the Englishman was kept in a cage from birth and force-fed wood chips and grain alcohol until his organs ruptured</em

That's just cruel. In organic English farms Englishmen are kept in pubs with London Pride on tap until the gynecomastia kicks in.
posted by Sparx at 1:07 AM on February 21, 2009

blurg, horrible formatting apologies.
posted by Sparx at 1:08 AM on February 21, 2009

Come on, this was in the Phillippines. My uncle over there probably has an infestation of the things in his back lot.
posted by Extopalopaketle at 6:39 PM on February 21, 2009

Funny, how funny reality really is but for the record how stating it is not.

So funny, that is.
posted by humannaire at 7:45 PM on February 21, 2009