What to do if it gets 'bigger'?

February 20, 2009 2:13 PM

What to do if it gets 'bigger'? The problems associated with intra-operative erections are discussed. Present theory is reviewed to allow a better understanding of the available treatment options.
posted by Bravocharlie (52 comments total)

☄
posted by dersins at 2:15 PM on February 20, 2009 [1 favorite]

This post is flaccid.
posted by M.C. Lo-Carb! at 2:16 PM on February 20, 2009

Migh be, but what does that shuttlecock mean, Dersins?
posted by Bravocharlie at 2:18 PM on February 20, 2009

what
posted by klangklangston at 2:18 PM on February 20, 2009 [1 favorite]

joke about "annals"
posted by GuyZero at 2:19 PM on February 20, 2009 [4 favorites]

Whiskey Tango Foxtrot?
posted by klangklangston at 2:19 PM on February 20, 2009

☄

That!
posted by Bravocharlie at 2:19 PM on February 20, 2009

This problem can be solved by slipping headphones on the patient and playing old Golda Meir and Margaret Thatcher speeches.
posted by Burhanistan at 2:22 PM on February 20, 2009 [1 favorite]

Burhanistan: these are people who are getting erections on the operating table, most likely with tubes & stuff shoved right up their urethras.

They'd probably be turned on by Golda Meir & Margaret Thatcher speeches.
posted by UbuRoivas at 2:24 PM on February 20, 2009 [2 favorites]

Urethrae is also acceptable. And yeah...*shudder*.
posted by Burhanistan at 2:28 PM on February 20, 2009 [1 favorite]

As if this wasn't enough, now there's the increasing threat that erections during surgery are merely artificial: http://www.tinyurl.com/fakeboner.
posted by digaman at 2:28 PM on February 20, 2009

.
posted by CynicalKnight at 2:28 PM on February 20, 2009 [3 favorites]

Next time I perform surgery, I'll be sure to read this.
posted by ob at 2:30 PM on February 20, 2009 [2 favorites]

ob - I hear you're really good at stopping the bleeding.
posted by gman at 2:33 PM on February 20, 2009 [2 favorites]

Urethrae is also acceptable

Another demonstration that there's usually at least something of lasting, takeaway value in any thread.
posted by UbuRoivas at 2:39 PM on February 20, 2009 [4 favorites]

Gee there exists an article on what urologists do when the patient gets a boner while under anesthesia.

What does this have to do with best of the web?
posted by Ironmouth at 2:54 PM on February 20, 2009

I'm pretty sure the conclusion said: stick an ice pack on it or let a doctor stick needles into it.
posted by Nanukthedog at 2:55 PM on February 20, 2009

What does this have to do with best of the web?

Further support for rule #34?
posted by Joey Michaels at 3:00 PM on February 20, 2009 [1 favorite]

All of my theories regarding how this condition can be treated are tinted unrealistically by my awareness of soft-corn pornography.
posted by davejay at 3:02 PM on February 20, 2009 [3 favorites]

Penis.
posted by LordSludge at 3:03 PM on February 20, 2009 [1 favorite]

er, soft core
posted by davejay at 3:03 PM on February 20, 2009

soft-corn pornography.
posted by gman at 3:06 PM on February 20, 2009 [13 favorites]

Huh. Whaddayaknow.
posted by davejay at 3:07 PM on February 20, 2009

Damn the naysayers. I found this interesting and will likely bring it up in conversation in less than a week. I may even reference it on Tuesday's physiology exam (nervous and muscular systems).
posted by The White Hat at 3:08 PM on February 20, 2009

"All of my theories regarding how this condition can be treated are tinted unrealistically by my awareness of soft-corn pornography."

I like taters with my corn.
posted by klangklangston at 3:12 PM on February 20, 2009 [7 favorites]

I figured it was going to be some kind of high tech device that pumped the patient's mind with unending images of baseball.
posted by quin at 3:12 PM on February 20, 2009

Why couldn't I help thinking of World According to Garp?
posted by found missing at 3:17 PM on February 20, 2009

this thread is missing the tators tag
posted by mwhybark at 3:41 PM on February 20, 2009 [1 favorite]

Do you leave the patient tucked or untucked?
posted by orme at 3:49 PM on February 20, 2009

Tsk, design flaw hey? Look at you men with your 'three-in-one' genitals, thinking you would save time with everything sharing the same bit. Not such a smart idea now is it?
posted by Sova at 4:05 PM on February 20, 2009

three-in-one

Okay, "thinking" is one; what are the other two?
posted by found missing at 4:10 PM on February 20, 2009

Yeah, I've seen some movies when that happens. The female nurse or doctor usually take care of it.
posted by zardoz at 4:19 PM on February 20, 2009 [7 favorites]

Oh... this is about the patient's erection. Never mind.
posted by grounded at 4:26 PM on February 20, 2009 [15 favorites]

This is no joke; this is hard on everyone concerned.
posted by weapons-grade pandemonium at 4:47 PM on February 20, 2009 [1 favorite]

This is so timely, thanks. Now the three unconscious fellows in my living room can know peace.
posted by terranova at 5:15 PM on February 20, 2009

A little saltpeter prior to going under perhaps. ;)
posted by caddis at 6:51 PM on February 20, 2009

I, too, subscribe to reddit bestof.
posted by Clandestine Outlawry at 6:54 PM on February 20, 2009 [1 favorite]

I, too, get erections. No link, sorry.
posted by gman at 7:13 PM on February 20, 2009 [1 favorite]

It would be harder to circumcise an erect penis, so maybe it's just a defensive play.
posted by maxwelton at 7:16 PM on February 20, 2009

What to do if it gets 'bigger'?

Cheer?
posted by Sys Rq at 8:38 PM on February 20, 2009 [1 favorite]

No, wait: Charge extra.
posted by Sys Rq at 8:54 PM on February 20, 2009 [1 favorite]

I'm pretty sure the conclusion said: stick an ice pack on it or let a doctor stick needles into it.

According to a male surgical nurse who was going on about this at a party, the standard technique is to use the erect member in the manner of a trebuchet. It's effective for the next hour.
posted by dhartung at 10:12 PM on February 20, 2009 [3 favorites]

Whiskey? X-ray? Yankee?
posted by Ambrosia Voyeur at 10:16 PM on February 20, 2009

Ketamine is widely reported as a treatment of ‘anaesthetic’ erection but with limited success.


LOL doctors. Everybody knows that.
posted by Ambrosia Voyeur at 10:22 PM on February 20, 2009

thinking you would save time with everything sharing the same bit. Not such a smart idea now is it?

I dunno. I was at an Iron Maiden gig last night. I'll take the possibility of an inconvenient surgical boner over the queues at the toilet of every event I've been to.
posted by rodgerd at 10:53 PM on February 20, 2009

That's what she said.
posted by Poolio at 12:36 AM on February 21, 2009

[...] the standard technique is to use the erect member in the manner of a trebuchet.

Laying siege to Harfleur during the Hundred Years War?
posted by Mr. Bad Example at 8:55 AM on February 21, 2009 [1 favorite]

I like taters with my corn.

With all the starch in here, it's no wonder everything's stiff.
posted by contrariwise at 9:57 AM on February 21, 2009 [1 favorite]

This is hitting a bit close to home......
posted by kairab at 1:41 PM on February 21, 2009

in the manner of a trebuchet

Catapult, surely?
posted by Sys Rq at 2:07 PM on February 21, 2009

I work as an anaesthetist at the hospital where the report was written, although I barely recall the (junior) author and it certainly isn't a common occurrence - I have seen this perhaps twice in 16 years of practice. Admittedly it is probably more common in urology (of which I don't cover a huge lot), and in mild degrees it may not be all that rare.

The author's point is really that pronounced degrees of tumescence/priapism (to give it its scientific name) can be so potentially dangerous for transurethral procedures that the surgery may need to be abandoned/postponed if the problem cannot be corrected. I support most of the solutions proposed (perhaps not the aspiration of 75 ml of blood from the corpus cavernosum).

However, the article contains a misprint/typo which is so hilarious given the context that I suspect it may even be mischievous: Not being anaesthetists, the authors, in talking about performing a penile block, contend that "safe doses of lignocaine or the longer acting pubivacaine can be used". That's BUPIVACAINE...!!!

Of course I realise this was really posted for the jollies, as the article dates back to 2003. For anyone who may need reassurance, let me say that the atmosphere in operating theatres dealing with "naughty bits" all day long (urology, gynaecology, obstetrics) is very down to earth indeed and while a persistent stiffy might perhaps raise a smile, no one I know would dream of breathing a word about it to the patient or anyone else. If they did, other than in a professional context, serious career damage could follow. No joke is worth that...
posted by kairab at 2:11 PM on February 21, 2009 [1 favorite]

while a persistent stiffy might perhaps raise a smile

You are leaning too close, doctor.
posted by Sys Rq at 2:19 PM on February 21, 2009 [1 favorite]