Join 3,427 readers in helping fund MetaFilter (Hide)


NEW WAY OF DRIVING ALL GREEN
March 2, 2009 5:46 AM   Subscribe

Scott Summit, a self-anointed solution engineer and life hacker, shows you how to beat the traffic system at its own game.
posted by rageagainsttherobots (42 comments total) 5 users marked this as a favorite

 
This video is obviously satire, but you know there has got to be somebody out there who actually followed through with these methods.
posted by rageagainsttherobots at 5:58 AM on March 2, 2009


Damn right, Ron Jeremy (Legend).
posted by Benny Andajetz at 6:07 AM on March 2, 2009


I have viewed this video and approve of it's being posted
--Rush Limbaugh
posted by Postroad at 6:08 AM on March 2, 2009


That went on a bit too long, but yeah, any morning that starts with a cameo appearance by Ron Jeremy's a good one.
posted by middleclasstool at 6:17 AM on March 2, 2009


I'm so tired of being at red

How can you mend a broken light?
posted by criticalbill at 6:19 AM on March 2, 2009


The key is to drive like a taxi driver.
posted by Mister_A at 6:20 AM on March 2, 2009


The fat guy counting stacks of cash with the word "TRAFFIC" on his shirt. Yes. I owe it to this video to watch the rest for that alone.
posted by DU at 6:27 AM on March 2, 2009


I believe that speeding helps me get to work faster, but I haven't been able to prove it mathematically. My reasoning is this: I'm more likely to be beat the light if I speed, but if I don't, I must wait at the light, which is what I would have done anyway. This video has taught me to be more empirical.
posted by 0xdeadc0de at 6:29 AM on March 2, 2009


Infinite Solutions, anyone?

I thought the intro was going to end up being the whole video, with like ten seconds devoted to the "hack".
posted by orme at 6:35 AM on March 2, 2009


It is a little Infinite Solutionsesque, except those tips were completely non-factual. Scott's Summitations are real, but overblown (as many, if not all, "life hacks" are).

(I used the plural in the full expectation that you freeloaders will buy his terrible tshirts to fund a new video.)
posted by DU at 6:40 AM on March 2, 2009


Oh, so that's what a traffic light is. Thanks for the link.
posted by swift at 6:43 AM on March 2, 2009 [1 favorite]


I take a Zen attitude. If the light turns yellow and there is enough room for me to stop, I stop. Then I wait for two minutes, and then I continue on my way.
posted by sonic meat machine at 6:44 AM on March 2, 2009


swift, like you, I thought those things were alien death rays. It really was a most useful wikipedia link and not at all post-paddy.
posted by Mister_A at 6:54 AM on March 2, 2009


I'm favoriting this post because I am thankful for being pointed to the lavish Wikipedia entry on traffic lights. I wouldn't have thought to look.
posted by krilli at 7:03 AM on March 2, 2009


Oh, so that's what a traffic light is. Thanks for the link.

Ha. I always think the same thing when I see a link like that in Wikipedia. Wait, you're on the internet reading an encyclopedia article on Pete Sampras, in English, and you need a link to United States of America?
posted by iconjack at 7:05 AM on March 2, 2009


Yeah, Wikipedia would be better if it were more like paper, which is to say unhyperlinked.
posted by DU at 7:09 AM on March 2, 2009


I'm Driving All Green and everyone I come into contact with appreciates me for the wonderful person that I am.
posted by digsrus at 7:17 AM on March 2, 2009


I tend to take red lights as they come, but I make up for it by Tokyo drifting EVERYWHERE.
posted by The White Hat at 7:30 AM on March 2, 2009


Save gas, hack the crosswalk button.
posted by Orange Pamplemousse at 7:31 AM on March 2, 2009 [1 favorite]


To be fair, the Wikipedia article points out the weakness in the system: it doesn't take dynamically controlled lights into account!
posted by bjrn at 7:36 AM on March 2, 2009


I believe that speeding helps me get to work faster,

Speeding toward a green light might improve your odds, but speeding toward a red slows everyone down. On my morning drive the lights are synchronized and I know how fast I have to drive to get all the greens for some pretty long stretches. But quite often I end up behind somebody who speeds to the front of the queue and has to stop, and then they do it for every successive light, forcing everyone behind them to stop as well.
posted by George_Spiggott at 7:39 AM on March 2, 2009


Just leave more following distance between you and the offender, George.
posted by Mister_A at 7:47 AM on March 2, 2009


...a 360 degree ring-mounted LM wouldnt hurt...
posted by clavdivs at 7:50 AM on March 2, 2009


Doesn't work. The distances involved typically aren't large enough, and if I drive slower, other cars get in front an just increase the size of the stopped queue. Cars don't move off in unison, they do it one at a time.
posted by George_Spiggott at 7:50 AM on March 2, 2009


tragedies of our modern age :

the existence of Twitter
the popularization, use, and overuse of "life hack" and "life hacker"

"What are you doing right now?"
"Asking the kids to get off my lawn."
posted by Afroblanco at 7:50 AM on March 2, 2009


"life hacker"

Lizzie Borden?
posted by dirigibleman at 7:54 AM on March 2, 2009 [1 favorite]


I'm Driving All Green and everyone I come into contact with appreciates me for the wonderful person that I am.

I'm Driving Al Green and some of my customers get a little pissed because, regardless of where they wanna go to, I Take Them To The River
posted by PeterMcDermott at 8:03 AM on March 2, 2009 [3 favorites]


I didn't see ANY traffic in that video. His system must work really well! He sort of left out the part about driving to work during bank hours, though. I think my boss may need some persuading on that one.
posted by Kirth Gerson at 8:04 AM on March 2, 2009


I'm Driving All Yellow, which is superior to All Green. Just because I like living on the edge.
posted by cptnrandy at 8:37 AM on March 2, 2009


Gosh, the video makes it seem so easy. I don't know why everybody doesn't do it.
:/
posted by sswiller at 8:38 AM on March 2, 2009


It seems like if you have a chauffeur and a laptop, you wouldn't really care if you have to wait at lights.
posted by DU at 8:59 AM on March 2, 2009


...but I haven't been able to prove it mathematically.

I've had the impression that when driving from Long Island to Manhattan, starting the trip after the worst part of rush hour will actually allow me to arrive before I would have have otherwise. I haven't been able to prove this either, though.
posted by StickyCarpet at 9:02 AM on March 2, 2009


Did he put cream and sugar in the coffee pot? Damn, that's a gen-u-wine LifeHack(tm)!
posted by chookibing at 9:03 AM on March 2, 2009


It's like Infinite Solutions, by way of College Humor!

The same idea, but half the production values, a fourth of the humor, a sixth of the acting, and ten times the smug self-satisfaction and smirking into the camera!
posted by Damn That Television at 9:06 AM on March 2, 2009


As far as comedy videos go, that was a long drive for a short day at the beach.
posted by ricochet biscuit at 9:20 AM on March 2, 2009


"The key is to drive like a taxi driver."

You mean, take the longest route possible?
posted by krinklyfig at 10:48 AM on March 2, 2009


I believe that speeding helps me get to work faster,

Not really. The guy who speeds next to me is usually the same guy I see at the next red light. Not only are you wasting gas, youre putting your life on the line and the lives of others just for the sake of not being 2 minutes late to work. In the morning I watch all these people bust through reds, cut people off, and generally act like assholes all for the sake of maybe getting to work a couple minutes earlier. Is your boss really impressed when it takes you 18 minutes instead of 20 to get to the office? The laws of diminishing returns is something to consider.
posted by damn dirty ape at 10:59 AM on March 2, 2009


Heh, this poem my friend wrote for 7th grade "Language Arts" class (yeah, we were too cool to call it "English"):

When the light turns red,
you must stop,
or you will get caught by a cop.

When the light turns green,
you must go,
don't sit around like a buffalo.

When the light turns yellow,
do whatever the hell you want,
I don't care.

My 2 favorite parts of the video are the (spoiler alert!) "Yellow Fever" and the fact that to not stop at a light, he has to drive around the roundabout over and over to get the timing right. CLASSIC!

Oh, and get your hands off the way I drive you damn dirty ape!
posted by symbioid at 11:32 AM on March 2, 2009


Also, I know a guy in my WoW guild who is so geeky that he would do just this. Well, aside from the fact he's smart enough to know there's flaws in the idea, so he really wouldn't. But the whole planning and plotting details like that. Yeah, definitely his cup o' tea :) Very useful for boss encounters.
posted by symbioid at 11:36 AM on March 2, 2009


Mermen in the soundtrack. Fine.
posted by buzzv at 12:45 PM on March 2, 2009


Also, I know a guy in my WoW guild who is so geeky that he would do just this. Well, aside from the fact he's smart enough to know there's flaws in the idea, so he really wouldn't. But the whole planning and plotting details like that. Yeah, definitely his cup o' tea :) Very useful for boss encounters.

My roommate wrote a program to calculate the optimal scheduling of his Moonkin. This sounds nerdy but his code was unreadable and in floating point when it shouldn't have been.
posted by pwnguin at 1:02 PM on March 2, 2009


Me, I drive so damn fast I Doppler the mutherfucking red lights until they blueshift to green.

Poster, you added a lame Wikipedia link, but you missed this masterpeice? Shame on you.
posted by dirty lies at 1:13 PM on March 2, 2009


« Older The notorious torrent tracker The Pirate Bay was o...  |  Irish poet and writer Christop... Newer »


This thread has been archived and is closed to new comments