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BÅB, The Ikea Baby
March 7, 2009 11:01 AM   Subscribe


 
i saw no instructions for the assembly of genitalia. is it available in both boy and girl?
posted by barrett caulk at 11:15 AM on March 7, 2009 [1 favorite]


So happy Pants! hit the mefi projects button. I think this was some impressive work.
posted by l33tpolicywonk at 11:18 AM on March 7, 2009


the fact this was a gift for a friend makes me ridiculously jealous.
it's fracking awesome!
posted by liza at 11:21 AM on March 7, 2009


while we're on about IKEA:

KOM IN I GARDEROBEN
posted by radiosig at 11:22 AM on March 7, 2009 [1 favorite]


i saw no instructions for the assembly of genitalia. is it available in both boy and girl?

Actually, Metafilter's own Albrecht works for the FBI Child Pornography Task Force. The family members expecting a baby is just a cover story. He's been waiting for someone like you to stumble into his trap and solicit child pornography, some Swedish-style pervo who gets off playing with cam locks. Say goodbye to your civil rights.

This will go easier for you if you cooperate, "barrett caulk."
posted by grobstein at 11:22 AM on March 7, 2009


radiosig: "KOM IN I GARDEROBEN"

How about nej.
posted by pyrex at 11:30 AM on March 7, 2009 [1 favorite]


Oh by the way, Pants!, this rules and I will be showing it to the rest of my family. If there's one things we Swedes love, it's making fun of how god damned Swedish Sweden really is.
posted by pyrex at 11:33 AM on March 7, 2009 [1 favorite]


Congratulations, Summer and Dev, whoever you are! Hope you got all the parts.
posted by Artw at 11:38 AM on March 7, 2009


How about nej.

Oh, hell ja visst from me. To each their own. (If I just typed "to each according to their own, does that mean rightwing Sweden == evil commies propoganda is working?)
posted by ~ at 11:40 AM on March 7, 2009


"
posted by ~ at 11:41 AM on March 7, 2009


"barrett caulk."

*caulks shotgun*
OH FUCK MY SHOTGUN IS FULL OF CAULK
posted by East Manitoba Regional Junior Kabaddi Champion '94 at 11:42 AM on March 7, 2009 [3 favorites]


This is fantastic. The arm and leg assembly kind of reminded me of this DIY baby doll coat rack (which I am going to make....one of these days).
posted by Ufez Jones at 11:54 AM on March 7, 2009


HOW IS BÅBBY FÖRMED?
posted by Blazecock Pileon at 11:56 AM on March 7, 2009 [22 favorites]


I think I got two left legs and some extra screws.
posted by cjorgensen at 12:17 PM on March 7, 2009


I especially like the NOT LIKE THIS illustrations. I can imagine making an Ikea baby and looking back and realizing that the arms and legs were transposed and you're missing six screws and the cat looks awfully smug.

Which is when you reach for the Ikea brand Vodka.
posted by grapefruitmoon at 12:43 PM on March 7, 2009


It's called Dürnk.
posted by dirtynumbangelboy at 1:23 PM on March 7, 2009 [1 favorite]


Hey, thanks everyone! The project was a lot of fun, and the mom-to-be seemed pleased with the result. I made an Instructable with some more detailed information on how I put it together, although it was all pretty simple. Just a couple days of cutting up baby models in 3dsmax plus a few more arranging everything in Illustrator and InDesign.
posted by albrecht at 1:29 PM on March 7, 2009 [1 favorite]


I happen to be picking up a crib from Ikea tomorrow. I didn't realize the kids could be picked up then as well. Ikea really does rock!
posted by wg at 1:32 PM on March 7, 2009 [1 favorite]


KÅN I HÅZ BÅBBY? BÅBBY DEELISHUS LIKE CHEEZBURGER!
posted by jonp72 at 1:54 PM on March 7, 2009 [1 favorite]


i saw no instructions for the assembly of genitalia. is it available in both boy and girl?

I do recall Ikea once advertising the doggie version...
posted by Sys Rq at 2:47 PM on March 7, 2009


This is exactly what the world needs. Mass produced Ikea babies.

No, seriously. With nearly 7 billion people on the planet we're going to have to figure out what to eat. Good job, Ikea!
posted by loquacious at 2:50 PM on March 7, 2009 [1 favorite]


jonp72, did you mean to say

KÄN I HÄZ BÄBBY? BÄBBY DEELISHUS LIKE CHEEZBURGER!

?
posted by needled at 2:52 PM on March 7, 2009


So now I kno how babby formed
posted by ALongDecember at 3:10 PM on March 7, 2009 [1 favorite]


No, seriously. With nearly 7 billion people on the planet we're going to have to figure out what to eat. Good job, Ikea!

Njuta du våra köttbullar? Gissa vad köttet.
posted by Sys Rq at 3:16 PM on March 7, 2009 [1 favorite]


Cute joke, but in the hopes of providing constructional criticism: the jointing makes no sense. The worst example is the toes, with five separate dowels to hold a small piece on. Also which pieces are provided whole and which made up of parts seems very arbitrary. This isn't IKEA, it's some Chinese knockoff where they haven't even gone to the trouble of disassembling an original.
posted by aeschenkarnos at 3:32 PM on March 7, 2009 [1 favorite]


Come on, aeschenkarnos, what do you want for $69.99? If you're looking for old-world craftsmanship, go to Pottery Barn. Or Eastern Europe. At least this one packs flat on your car. Saves on delivery charges, too.
posted by PlusDistance at 3:56 PM on March 7, 2009 [1 favorite]


The worst example is the toes, with five separate dowels to hold a small piece on. Also which pieces are provided whole and which made up of parts seems very arbitrary.

You obviously know nothing about parenting.
posted by albrecht at 4:41 PM on March 7, 2009 [1 favorite]


I especially like the NOT LIKE THIS illustrations.

I do too, especially since the baby looks like a chicken. And albrecht remembered to include all the languages!
posted by zinfandel at 4:44 PM on March 7, 2009


"Different baby materials require different types of screws. Choose non-countersunk screws that are specially suited to the material in your baby." Man, is that ever good advice. Nothing worse than finding out you assembled your baby with the wrong kind of screws.
posted by Mister Moofoo at 4:44 PM on March 7, 2009


I assembled my baby with the wrong kind of screwing.
posted by zinfandel at 4:49 PM on March 7, 2009 [2 favorites]


Screw that. (sorry)
posted by Mister Moofoo at 5:06 PM on March 7, 2009


Hope BÅB proves more durable than some of the stuff I've bought at IKEA, which has, um, you know, fallen apart.
posted by flapjax at midnite at 5:23 PM on March 7, 2009


Shaken bookshelf syndrome...
posted by Mister Moofoo at 5:31 PM on March 7, 2009 [2 favorites]


Aw man, I hate going to Ikea. I always go just thinking I'll grab some Swedish meatballs for lunch and that's it, and I come home with two or three baby kits and you know you only use them like once, maybe twice to impress the neighbors, and they get stored away in the dining room hutch with the coral-shaped wine rack and ambiguously-labelled salt and pepper shakers.

It never fails.
posted by Spatch at 6:55 PM on March 7, 2009


I was terrified it was going to start dancing, once fully assembled.
posted by availablelight at 7:01 PM on March 7, 2009 [1 favorite]


Dancing Baby
posted by monospace at 11:14 PM on March 7, 2009


I had a lot more fun "bulding" mine, as it were.
(Sorry...)
posted by drmarcj at 10:06 AM on March 8, 2009


This made my wife squeal in horror. Hooray! Mission accomplished, thank you Pants!
posted by lesChaps at 11:20 AM on March 8, 2009


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