Behind the scenes at Airport Security Theater

March 10, 2009 9:41 AM

"Serious problems" found at nation's airport security checkpoints.Local TV station KSTP found that airport employees, including cleaning staff, are often allowed to enter secured areas of airports at night without anyone checking their identification badge or the bags and other belongings they bring into the so-called sterile areas.

More disturbing even than this revelation is the video showing the reporter, with hidden camera, hanging around various national airports' security checkpoints for hours and asking numerous pointed questions about security procedures... and is never asked to explain what he's doing. Previously, natch.

posted by BigLankyBastard (49 comments total)

Dear World:

If you're so afraid to fly, don't. I have better things to do with my time than to deal with even more stupid security theater.
posted by eriko at 9:44 AM on March 10 [6 favorites has favorites]

See, I would have gone with Backstage at the Security Theater myself. But behind the scenes also works.
posted by delmoi at 9:45 AM on March 10 [2 favorites has favorites]

I for one am shocked. Shocked!
posted by dirtdirt at 9:45 AM on March 10

Local News Outlet Fills Air Time and Web Space By Publishing Shocking and Outrageous Story That Is Really Not So Shocking. News at 11.
posted by mudpuppie at 9:50 AM on March 10

It's not all bad. The rigorous security screening and having to take my shoes off has helped assure me that I, personally, am not a terrorist.
posted by Krrrlson at 9:51 AM on March 10 [16 favorites has favorites]

If you're so afraid to fly, don't. I have better things to do with my time than to deal with even more stupid security theater.

I haven't flown since June of 2001. Not because I'm afraid to but because I know I won't be able to handle the security theater. Fortunately, I haven't had a reason to fly since June 2001 either, so the issue hasn't been forced.
posted by DU at 9:52 AM on March 10

No surprise. Airport Security is no more real security than it is a Fox Reality TV Show, which it is probably better suited for.
posted by Xoebe at 9:59 AM on March 10

Something in my carry on bag
Tipped off the x-ray machine
'Cause then an angel straight from heaven
Asked me to 'step behind that screen'
And when I felt the wand sweep over me
You know I never felt so clean

Well you won't find my name on your list
Honey you know I ain't no terrorist
Confiscate my shoes, my cellphone
You know I love you,
Security Joan*
posted by porn in the woods at 10:00 AM on March 10 [2 favorites has favorites]

The point of screening passangers is not for personal safety, but the safety of others. The idea is that someone would bring a box-cutter, or sharp scissors on board not to threaten that crying baby, but to hijack the plane and fly it into a building.

In short: you suffer for the safety of the masses.

But we all know it's a ridiculous hoax. Small bottles of liquids don't make good bombs, and hiding an explosive substance that is highly susceptible to heat, friction, and shock in your shoe is also dumb (especially as he had to strike a match to light the fuse, which was how he was initially noticed). Don't pay the baggage handlers and other service staff well, and they might turn to smuggling drugs in the coffee and luggage.

I think it's all a ruse to get people contained within the airports longer, in order to sell more overpriced food and novelties.
posted by filthy light thief at 10:13 AM on March 10 [6 favorites has favorites]

I actually love stories like this, where reporters just pose straightforward questions and situations. "Hey, can employees walk through that door? Oh look..."

Reminds me of the time in the immediate post 9/11 timeframe, when San Diego reporters hopped in a dinghy and motored right up to aircraft carriers parked in San Diego bay. They were all like, "Hey look, I can actually put my hand out and touch the hull of this vulnerable, multi-BILLION dollar so-called bulwark of the nation's defense..."
posted by Cool Papa Bell at 10:15 AM on March 10

Security theatre doesn't actually do anything.

Duh?
posted by dirtynumbangelboy at 10:30 AM on March 10

You pay peanuts, you get monkeys.
posted by pianomover at 10:35 AM on March 10

I liked the part where they found employees who were using their badges to skip check points while they were off duty and just trying to catch their flight. Because I would do the exact same thing. Why not? The check point is there to stop dangerous people and I'm not a dangerous person, fuck yeah I'll skip going thru that slaw ass check point and keep my shoes on.
posted by MrBobaFett at 10:36 AM on March 10

Krrrlson try just showing up for all your flights naked. You'll never doubt yourself again.
posted by mannequito at 10:36 AM on March 10

Ssssshhhhhhhhhhh!

Security theater only works if WE ALL PLAY ALONG!
posted by jenkinsEar at 10:45 AM on March 10

Phoenix Airport Security Breach Raises Questions

...[the reporter] discovered a 4½-hour nighttime window during which virtually anything can be brought into the secure side of Sky Harbor. At this time, the X-ray machines are off and the metal detectors are closed, which means bags with unknown contents can be carried to the airplane-accessible side of the airport.

posted by phrayzee at 10:45 AM on March 10

Try just showing up for all your flights naked.

This is where airport security is going, anyway. It won't end until we're all flying in paper smocks stamped with bar-codes, each of us carrying a single toothbrush in one clear plastic bag.
posted by rokusan at 10:52 AM on March 10 [6 favorites has favorites]

We don't have airport security. We have the appearance of airport security. It would be funnier if we hadn't given up so many of our Constitutional rights to get what we have now. I shudder to think what real airport security might cost us.
posted by tommasz at 10:56 AM on March 10 [1 favorite has favorites]

Hold up, I don't want you poking the flight attendant with that toothbrush. You can buy one when you get there, cowboy.
posted by MCMikeNamara at 10:57 AM on March 10

I just wish they'd replace it with Security Improv.
posted by rusty at 10:57 AM on March 10 [4 favorites has favorites]

How many jobs were created by this anyway?

I would like Obama to put an end to this complete bullshit, but he can't, for two reasons.

1) The threat of future attack.
This is incredibly dumb, I know, but politically, it could be complete suicide if there was an attack during airport security levels that he had lowered.

2) How many more unemployed workers would this add to the ranks?
We probably need the jobs now more than we ever needed the security.
posted by graventy at 11:02 AM on March 10

I see this regularly referred to as security theater. If everyone understands that it is just theater, why can't we stop? Seriously.

Children being able to greet parents exiting aircraft didn't create security risks. Bad on board procedures did. Enough already.
posted by shagoth at 11:17 AM on March 10

I, for one, welcome our new democratic party overlords. Hopefully the Secuity Theater will at least produce a new play.
posted by jester69 at 11:20 AM on March 10

The rigorous security screening and having to take my shoes off has helped assure me that I, personally, am not a terrorist.

Actually that's when I realized I was still wearing my driving slippers AND A LIFE WAS SAVED!!!
posted by Bango Skank at 11:21 AM on March 10 [4 favorites has favorites]

Airport Security Theater 3000
posted by snofoam at 11:30 AM on March 10

I wonder how much damage a minimally trained person can do with their bare hands on a flying airplane?
posted by swift at 11:36 AM on March 10

I bet this somehow makes it a bigger pain in the ass for the average person to fly.
posted by dobie at 11:40 AM on March 10

I wonder how much damage a minimally trained person can do with their bare hands on a flying airplane?

Not much on most commercial flights, considering that a) everyone on the plane is aware that Very Bad Things Can Happen, b) the cockpit doors are locked and barred, c) the pilots might be armed and d) there might be an armed sky marshal on board.
posted by Cool Papa Bell at 11:49 AM on March 10

I can't help but wonder the reporter wasn't asked questions because by now the security people are so utterly used to reporters hanging around.

"Oh look, there's another reporter doing an expose on airport security. Bet he's asking pointed questions about security procedures too. Ignore him, and maybe he'll go away."
posted by happyroach at 11:49 AM on March 10

I think the question is more, how much damage can a minimally trained nut (or actual "terrorist") with a bare minimum of planning, carrying a pistol and/or grenade acquired at a gun show, having snuck into the boarding area through the unwatched employee entrance using a prox-badge acquired through theft or chicanery, with a fabricated or legitimate boarding pass, can do on an airplane.

The answer is "Plenty."

The report makes plain that the "sterile" area is an even sadder joke than we have previously been led to believe. Effectively, anyone without a criminal record can get a cleaning job and apparently unfettered access to passenger planes, if they are capable of the bare minimum of planning.

It's plain from these revelations that the TSA doesn't even take the checkpoints seriously. Why should the flying public have to? There is such a pathetically low barrier to bringing anything you choose onto an airliner it would be laughable if it wasn't so horrible.
posted by BigLankyBastard at 11:58 AM on March 10

If everyone understands that it is just theater, why can't we stop?

More people take security claims at face value than see this as the contrived monster that screening has become. There's a large audience who are very receptive to being scared out of their wits.

I had the misfortune recently to share a row with someone who was convinced beyond all rationality that some terrorist/communist/whatayagotanist would be able to slip into the baggage claim area (no security!), put a luggage bomb on a carousel (that being the really weak point, you see) and blow the whole airport to SMITHEREENS! There should have been armed patrols everywhere! He was gonna write the airline, Kip Hawley and his congressman about this shocking security lapse. I'm certain he did too.

I may pushed it too far when I asked him if he'd thought about what mad bombers could do to shopping malls or big box stores or movie theaters though. You could see the froth behind his eyes.
posted by bonehead at 12:03 PM on March 10 [3 favorites has favorites]

I've always wondered what was stopping terrorists from detonating a bomb while waiting in the security line. Would the average Joe Blow realize that tightened security does nothing to "keep America safe!!!," or would we have to submit to searches before entering the building?
posted by giraffe at 12:07 PM on March 10

rusty : I just wish they'd replace it with Security Improv.

"Ok, everyone from Flight 112, please step over here, thanks, now the 15 of you on this side of the room are going to play TSA agents, the rest of you are going going to be people standing in line, but, and here's the exciting part, one of you is a federal agent, and one of you is trying to smuggle five grams of heroin onto the plane.

TSA agents, it's all about getting into your character's heads, so if you you have to pull someone out of line and invasively search them, that's part of the show, but try not to giggle, it breaks the fourth wall.

And guy with heroin, if you get caught, try to scream and thrash around as much as possible. Imagine the balloons are popping and you are about to overdose bad. Don't worry about overdoing it, it's going to look great!"
posted by quin at 12:10 PM on March 10 [1 favorite has favorites]

Homeland Security Threat Level Color today: Surprised.
posted by CheeseDigestsAll at 12:30 PM on March 10 [5 favorites has favorites]

And guy with heroin, if you get caught, try to scream and thrash around as much as possible. Imagine the balloons are popping and you are about to overdose bad. Don't worry about overdoing it, it's going to look great!"

"And now we need an additional character or two to be suggested the audience. OK, OK, don't all shout at once. Let's see, I heard Zombie Pope and 1980s Madonna with those pointy bra things. Good! And for an extra kicker, here's a suitcase full of harmless unmentionables for the young lady passenger. Now, TSA agents, make these passengers secure!"
posted by filthy light thief at 1:33 PM on March 10 [1 favorite has favorites]

I just wish they'd replace it with Security Improv.

We already have security improv. It's called Immigration and Customs Enforcement.
posted by oaf at 2:48 PM on March 10 [1 favorite has favorites]

"I see this regularly referred to as security theater. If everyone understands that it is just theater, why can't we stop? Seriously."

Two reasons. 1) The general public is not as informed as the average Mefi member. 2) it's been pretty effective at completely closing down resale of low price advance purchase tickets.
posted by Mitheral at 5:03 PM on March 10

I hadn't considered this before but perhaps The Powers That Be just don't want us to travel. I'm not sure how that would be an advantage to them. Maybe the idea is that if the planes are mostly empty, they can set up some hot tubs where us low-class passengers used to sit.
posted by five fresh fish at 5:22 PM on March 10

I've always wondered what was stopping terrorists from detonating a bomb while waiting in the security line.

Remember when the guy at the x-ray station would take your camera, hold it up to his face, and press the shutter button to find out whether it was a real, operational camera, and not a bomb?

Yah, there's a reason you can pay security minimum wage: they're dumb. Dumb enough to hold a potential bomb up to their face and press the trigger.
posted by five fresh fish at 5:44 PM on March 10

You pay peanuts, you get monkeys.

Now tell me, why doesn't this equation work in reverse? I'm currently employing 17 helper monkeys and not one of them has brought me a damned peanut.
posted by mannequito at 6:38 PM on March 10 [1 favorite has favorites]

More disturbing even than this revelation is the video showing the reporter, with hidden camera, hanging around various national airports' security checkpoints for hours and asking numerous pointed questions about security procedures... and is never asked to explain what he's doing.

Actually it's this reaction that's the reason things are this way.

In a sane world the point of airline security would be to make sure that everyone on the other side of the checkpoint is under a certain "dangerousness" threshold. If you are over THERE rather than over HERE we know you don' t have tools that could give you leverage over other people.

It's not, though - it's full of theater and appearance designed to make people feel better and create a deterrent effect by being intimidating. And that's necessary because people have a reaction of fear to someone asking questions and investigating things in a non-threatening way, trying to understand a process that - in a perfect world - is sufficiently well though-out that it is effective whether the general public understands it or not.
posted by phearlez at 7:36 PM on March 10 [1 favorite has favorites]

You know, they could actually make us a lot safer than they do with exactly the materials they have now. Or, if they spent a few days' worth of Iraq war on it, they could outfit all the airports with chemical sniffers that can detect any chemical compound you care to program into it.

Articles like this are extremely important. They point out to you that the bullshit you go through in an airport is purely unnecessary; they show you that the people who run these things are the people who got C+ in all their high school courses; they show you that, like almost every aspect of government's interaction with society, reality has been replaced by a cover-your-ass fiction.
posted by lupus_yonderboy at 8:20 PM on March 10

I like the 5th Element solution: shoved in a tube and instantly knocked out. It would be like teleporting!Or blacking out!
posted by The Whelk at 8:10 AM on March 11

I wonder how much damage a minimally trained person can do with their bare hands on a flying airplane?

But wouldn't they then have to register their hands as deadly weapons !!!
posted by blasdelf at 9:00 AM on March 11

Terrorist watch list hits 1 million

How's that for theater?
posted by bonefish at 9:32 AM on March 11

frightening when you really think about it
posted by angel29 at 9:55 AM on March 11

Terrorist watch list hits 1 million

How's that for theater?
posted by bonefish at 11:32 AM on March 11 [+] [!]

We'd be much further along but I kept having to hold for the next available TIPS operator while working my way through the phone book.
posted by Fezboy! at 11:48 AM on March 11

politically, it could be complete suicide if there was an attack during airport security levels that he had lowered.

But that's the point - it's not 'lowering security' if you stop doing stuff that looks like it works but doesn't and instead do things that work. If it's actually ineffective security theater (and I think most of it is), getting rid of it won't harm anything, and there will be actual security measures in place to handle real threats.
posted by Caviar at 11:04 AM on March 15

US Border Authorities Detain German Political Leader and Undermine American Brand
posted by homunculus at 12:48 PM on April 4