A Bazooka Rowdy?

March 12, 2009 1:44 PM

The most awesome action sequence you'll see today. [via]
posted by clearly (80 comments total)

wow.


just wow.


turkey!
posted by leotrotsky at 1:47 PM on March 12

That was farking...

farking...

well, just farking, I guess.
posted by dersins at 1:50 PM on March 12

Oh ho ho. Most awesome you say? Au contraire.
posted by Marisa Stole the Precious Thing at 1:50 PM on March 12 [14 favorites]

I've seen it and it's still awesome. And, while the decision to use a bazooka is actually adequately explained in the scene, the decision to use it again to destroy a sex doll isn't.

I think I can safely say that the preceding sentence has never before been written in the history of the English language.
posted by Astro Zombie at 1:50 PM on March 12 [5 favorites]

I spat on my monitor.
posted by GuyZero at 1:52 PM on March 12

he must be smoking some heavy doobies
posted by TrialByMedia at 1:53 PM on March 12 [1 favorite]

For the love of gog, please let this be a self link.
posted by cjorgensen at 1:54 PM on March 12 [3 favorites]

while the decision to use a bazooka is actually adequately explained in the scene, the decision to use it again to destroy a sex doll isn't.


Perhaps it was the Big Bazooka Sex Doll. (NSFW, duh.)
posted by dersins at 1:54 PM on March 12

I think I can safely say that the preceding sentence has never before been written in the history of the English language.

Do you get haunted by that feeling a lot too?
posted by Avelwood at 1:54 PM on March 12

For the love of gog, please let this be a self link.

Unfortunately, I can't take credit for this masterpiece.
posted by clearly at 1:57 PM on March 12

seen it!
posted by photoslob at 2:04 PM on March 12

Not cool. That's how my grandfather and my grandfather's sex doll died, you insensitive pricks.
posted by Uppity Pigeon #2 at 2:05 PM on March 12 [21 favorites]

while the decision to use a bazooka is actually adequately explained in the scene, the decision to use it again to destroy a sex doll isn't.

All inflatables must be blown up before use.
posted by CynicalKnight at 2:07 PM on March 12 [28 favorites]

That's some might good shootin' thar, Tex.
posted by fijiwriter at 2:08 PM on March 12

what's the opposite of 'eponysterical'?
posted by From Bklyn at 2:08 PM on March 12

what's the opposite of 'eponysterical'?

eponyterrible
posted by netbros at 2:09 PM on March 12 [5 favorites]

This may be a dumb question, but why did he have the sex doll in the first place?
posted by originalname37 at 2:11 PM on March 12

I'd love to see the director explaining this to the actors..

OK first he skates by them upside down, mainly to show off that you can do that Skater, if that is your real name...Rowdy will just ad lib something about drugs...
then Skater will get in the other car and pass them with Blondie. Then he'll skate backwards hiding behind Blondie and shoot their tires out. Then: boom boom, bang bang, number one at the box office, OK?

Alright! Now who's putting down their drivers license for the deposit on this thing?
posted by Potomac Avenue at 2:13 PM on March 12 [4 favorites]

Don't miss this scene from the same movie - death by frisbee! Do you you pilgrim indeed.
posted by Staggering Jack at 2:14 PM on March 12 [5 favorites]

er...so do you pilgrim, indeed.
posted by Staggering Jack at 2:14 PM on March 12 [1 favorite]

This may be a dumb question, but why did he have the sex doll in the first place?

Can't say why he had it in the first place...probably the usual reasons that people purchase such objects. But in this scene, it was slyly employed as device to obscure his firearm.
posted by Burhanistan at 2:15 PM on March 12 [1 favorite]

Wow. I watched it four times without pausing the economic podcast I was listening to first, I don't think I missed anything.

Fucking awesome.
posted by Science! at 2:17 PM on March 12

Burhanistan: "This may be a dumb question, but why did he have the sex doll in the first place?

Can't say why he had it in the first place...probably the usual reasons that people purchase such objects. But in this scene, it was slyly employed as device to obscure his firearm."

So he obtained it for the usual means and used it for the usual means? I bet this was a boring film.
posted by Science! at 2:18 PM on March 12 [2 favorites]

more action than you can handle
posted by Hammond Rye at 2:19 PM on March 12

what's the opposite of 'eponysterical'?

In this context, epoxymoron.
posted by b33j at 2:19 PM on March 12 [1 favorite]

In this context, epoxymoron.

No, I think that is when you glue an idiot to a wall.
posted by clearly at 2:20 PM on March 12 [9 favorites]

no, epoxymoron is when you super-glue your hand to your head.
posted by boo_radley at 2:22 PM on March 12 [7 favorites]

dammit.
posted by boo_radley at 2:22 PM on March 12

"They only gun I can hit a moving target with"?

Pepsi Bluezooka.
posted by DU at 2:23 PM on March 12 [2 favorites]

[...]in this scene, it was slyly employed as device to obscure his firearm.

I thought he was using it to sheild himself from return bullet fire.
posted by cjorgensen at 2:25 PM on March 12 [1 favorite]

.
posted by jquinby at 2:25 PM on March 12 [2 favorites]

That was from Cinemax after Dark, right? When does the sex start?
posted by mudpuppie at 2:26 PM on March 12

In Every Dream Home A Heartache
by Roxy Music (1973)

In every dream home a heartache
And every step I take
Takes me further from heaven...

Is there a heaven?
I`d like to think so

Standards of living
They´re rising daily
But home, oh sweet home
It's only a saying

From bell push to faucet
In smart town apartment
The cottage is pretty
The main house a palace
Penthouse perfection
But what goes on --
What to do there?
Better pray there

Open plan living
Bungalow, ranch-style
All of its comforts
They seem so essential

I bought you mail order
My plain wrapper baby
Your skin is like vinyl
The perfect companion
You float my new pool
De-luxe and de-lightful
Inflatable doll
My role is to serve you
Disposable darling

Can´t throw you away now
Immortal and life size
My breath is inside you
I´ll dress you up daily
And keep you till death sighs
Inflatable doll
Lover ungrateful
I blew up your body...

... but you blew my mind
posted by koeselitz at 2:32 PM on March 12 [1 favorite]

[link]
posted by koeselitz at 2:33 PM on March 12

Andy Sidaris is the King Sexy B-Schlock.
posted by doctorschlock at 2:37 PM on March 12

Not Rambo
posted by vronsky at 2:39 PM on March 12 [1 favorite]

He skated by on his hands first to establish that he was a leet trick skater. This was so that when he came by the second time, with the sex doll, it would not be remarked on. "Oh, of course he has a sex doll, that is part of the leet skater thang he does."

Of course, it didn't work out as planned. You'll notice that the jeep occupants said "watch out, he has a gun."

I hate this movie.
posted by Meatbomb at 2:41 PM on March 12 [5 favorites]

Ooops! What I meant to say was:

Andy Sidaris is the King of Sexy B-Schlock. Hard Ticket to Hawaii is the movie for any Saturday Night party.
posted by doctorschlock at 2:41 PM on March 12

boo_radley: "no, epoxymoron is when you super-glue your hand to your head."

AKA the epic facepalm.
posted by defenestration at 2:42 PM on March 12 [4 favorites]

Heart Wrenching Death Scene.
Meet Sexy Women in Your Area!
posted by Elmore at 2:42 PM on March 12 [1 favorite]

Anyone have a transcript of this?
posted by turgid dahlia at 2:52 PM on March 12

When does the sex start?

Well, first you'll begin to notice changes in your body... your voice may deepen, and hair might start growning down there, in your swimsuit area.
posted by CynicalKnight at 2:57 PM on March 12 [9 favorites]

Not cool. That's how my grandfather and my grandfather's sex doll died, you insensitive pricks.

My grandfather's sex doll fell out of a guard tower.
posted by Stylus Happenstance at 3:03 PM on March 12 [4 favorites]

Avelwood : Do you get haunted by that feeling a lot too?

It happens to me whenever I'm using a baby rhinoceros dressed in a tutu to flatten marzipan miniatures of the Cincinnati skyline.

Whoa, it just happened again.
posted by quin at 3:04 PM on March 12 [1 favorite]

This is Hard Ticket to Hawaii, by 80s B-movie schlockmeister Andy Sidaris.
posted by zardoz at 3:04 PM on March 12

What the hell was wrong with the 80's?

I mean yeah, cocaine. But even someone sunk in the subterranean depths of the worst coke addiction in the history of the universe couldn't come up with this shit.
posted by dirtynumbangelboy at 3:08 PM on March 12 [2 favorites]

Don't doubt the stultifying influence of coke, man.
posted by Burhanistan at 3:11 PM on March 12

Ponytailed Driver: Hang on Ronnie, we've got some nutcase in front of us.
White Jeep Passenger: Man, he must be smoking some heavy doobies.
PTD: Whoo.
Red Car Driver: [Waving] Come on!
Skateboarding Punk: Move it Harold/Arnold! They're just up ahead!
RCD: You got it Brah!
[Kick Ass Music]
PTD: I think they're gone now.
WJP: Yep.
RCD: Here's the gun skater, blow them away.
SBP: No problem baby/benny.
[Kick Ass Music and Skateboarding]
PTD: Look out! He's got a gun! (may be WJP)
[GUNSHOT!]
PTD: Euh!
[Brakes Screaching]
WJP: Jade! How bad are you hit?
PTD: Whooo. I've been better, but I'll live.
WJD: Let's get that turkey.
SBP: [Hit by jeep in reverse] Ehh-Uhh-Ahhhhhhhhhh!
[WJP Fires Rocket 1]
[WJP Fires Rocket 2]
[Kick Ass Music During Both]
PTD: The bazooka Monty/Manny?
WJP: It's the only gun I can hit a moving target with.
PTD: Good hunting weapon, huh?
WJP: Let's get into town and get you patched up. Then we'll head over to Eden's/Eddie's/
PTD: Let's crank the [bacon?]
posted by Science! at 3:13 PM on March 12 [4 favorites]

I enjoyed it when the flying gentleman exploded.
posted by ROU_Xenophobe at 3:19 PM on March 12 [3 favorites]

Well, first you'll begin to notice changes in your body... your voice may deepen, and hair might start growning down there, in your swimsuit area.

What? Around my ankles?
posted by Elmore at 3:19 PM on March 12

The review under zardoz's link:
First there was the Bicycle Thief, then Citizen Kane, Gone With the Wind, Doctor Zhivago, Ghandi, and now Hard Ticket to Hawaii. Breathtaking cinematography and cunning script writing make this a must-see for all who aspire to create "films" rather than movies. Dona Spier (grossly ignored by the academy) spews forth her lines with an enthusiasm unseen since the great Shakespearean actresses of the 18th century. Andy Sidaris is a shrewd judge of talent and is horribly underestimated, as his films are usually ignored at the Cannes and Aspen film festivals. I rate this a 10.
posted by dunkadunc at 3:20 PM on March 12

I like how the bazooka guy still made the guy that got shot drive into town for eats.

Oh ho ho. Most awesome you say? Au contraire.

So, why did the guy lick the oddly-shaped knife?
posted by NoMich at 3:20 PM on March 12

So, why did the guy lick the oddly-shaped knife?

He and the other guy had been using it to cut lines a few minutes before they started filming that scene.
posted by Marisa Stole the Precious Thing at 3:30 PM on March 12 [1 favorite]

Not with that curved blade they weren't.
posted by dunkadunc at 3:34 PM on March 12

Yeah, I guess the curved blade probably wouldn't work. I could've sworn I saw James Woods use a tennis can lid to cut lines in some movie or another. But then all my knowledge of hard drugs come from movies. People who use cocaine like to wear coral-colored polo shirts and Ray-Bans, right?
posted by Marisa Stole the Precious Thing at 3:53 PM on March 12

My grandfather's sex doll outlived him by many years, but used to tell me stories of his exploits when I was a young boy.
posted by DU at 3:56 PM on March 12 [2 favorites]

WJP: Jade! How bad are you hit?
PTD: Whooo. I've been better, but I'll live.

Yeah, I noticed this. If I'd been WJP, I would have gone on to say "Pfff, you've never been hit better than this, you liar."
posted by DU at 3:57 PM on March 12

An economic kind of Chernobyl.
posted by DonnyMac at 4:04 PM on March 12

edit ^oops wrong area.
posted by DonnyMac at 4:06 PM on March 12

MetaFilter: Let's crank the [bacon?]
posted by dirtynumbangelboy at 4:10 PM on March 12 [3 favorites]

The skater I can see, but the sex doll? Why did you have to blow up the sex doll? You animals!
posted by vibrotronica at 4:22 PM on March 12

Invasion USA: Norris vs Lynch
bazookas: the more, the better
posted by incompressible at 4:27 PM on March 12 [1 favorite]

Oh, if we're going to bring Chuck Norris into this, I'm going to have to go with Chuck Norris vs. Bruce Lee, wherein we discover that "rip out opponent's chest hair" is a bonafide martial arts move, and not just something you thought you made up when rough-housing with your buddies in college.
posted by Marisa Stole the Precious Thing at 4:36 PM on March 12 [1 favorite]

Wait...I thought this would be a link to a Watchmen clip..... darn
posted by HuronBob at 6:11 PM on March 12

The skater I can see, but the sex doll? Why did you have to blow up the sex doll? You animals!

Especially in this economy. Sex dolls don't grow on trees, you know.
posted by brundlefly at 6:12 PM on March 12

That was horrible! Just awful! Wonderfully dreadful!
posted by puddinghead at 6:41 PM on March 12

it's like a bad acid trip w/o the actual physical side-effects :P
posted by liza at 6:54 PM on March 12

Astro Zombie: I've seen it and it's still awesome. And, while the decision to use a bazooka is actually adequately explained in the scene, the decision to use it again to destroy a sex doll isn't.

I think I can safely say that the preceding sentence has never before been written in the history of the English language.

You'd be surprised how little it takes to write such a sentence. For example, your previous previous sentence "I've seen it and it's still awesome" currently gets only one hit on Google, and it's to this very page. It's entirely possible that the sentence has been written somewhere not currently indexed by Google, but I think it still illustrates my point well. The same kind of comment probably exists in thousands of different forms in the Google database, but yours is the only one that is phrased in that particular way. Pretty astonishing, really.
posted by ErWenn at 6:55 PM on March 12

"Pretty astonishing, really." -- 151 hits
posted by troy at 7:05 PM on March 12 [1 favorite]

These clips give me a new appreciation for the directors of action movies.
posted by wheat at 7:12 PM on March 12

Why do you all assume that was a sex doll? Clearly, it was a "hide the gun while you skateboard down the street" doll. You people just think about sex all the time, don't you?
posted by flapjax at midnite at 7:18 PM on March 12

That would be a good point, except that the only reason to eat flapjacks at midnight is that you're carbo-loading for sexual intercourse. Pervert.
posted by Uppity Pigeon #2 at 7:34 PM on March 12 [1 favorite]

That was stupid, but you guys crack me up.
posted by Skygazer at 8:37 PM on March 12

You've got your Fark in my MetaFilter!

Horrifically awesome links.
posted by andreaazure at 10:00 PM on March 12

Doll? That was supposed to be the female character! Skate guy had taken her hostage, then used her as a shield against jeep guy (her fiance). When jeep guy sees what he did, and realizes his betrothed will fall to certain doom, he spares her the suffering and dispatches her with the bazooka. The trauma causes him to go into a shock, and he reacts by wanting to eat his problems away.

Sad thing. I cried.
posted by qvantamon at 10:20 PM on March 12

That's such a blatant rip-off of Michelango Antonioni's L'avventurra.
posted by strangeleftydoublethink at 10:45 PM on March 12 [1 favorite]

Wait, the skater shot the tire, which somehow injured the driver? Like he had some sort of symboitic link to the tires? And then they drive away on a supposedly shot-up tire?


The sex doll is only meant to distract the viewers from these plot holes.
posted by Dr-Baa at 1:03 PM on March 13

this has cool action scene.
posted by vronsky at 3:13 PM on March 13

I don't know. Two guys heading back to town? Maybe they should have SAVED the sex doll...

For later...

You know...

I got nothin'.
posted by Samizdata at 4:45 PM on March 13

I think I can safely say that the preceding sentence has never before been written in the history of the English language.

posted by you're a kitty! at 10:44 AM on March 14