The Elders of Zion call it quits
March 14, 2009 5:07 PM Subscribe
"The Elders of Zion, the venerable and shadowy Jewish organization that controls the international banking industry, news media and Hollywood, has announced that it is disbanding so that members can retire to Florida and live out their golden years on the golf course."
From the Backward, a Purim spoof from The Jewish Daily Forward.
From the Backward, a Purim spoof from The Jewish Daily Forward.
Excellent. Now nobody stands between Us and world domination.
posted by the Cabal at 5:12 PM on March 14, 2009 [26 favorites]
posted by the Cabal at 5:12 PM on March 14, 2009 [26 favorites]
Now it's time for the Juniors to take our rightful place!
posted by Lemurrhea at 5:17 PM on March 14, 2009
posted by Lemurrhea at 5:17 PM on March 14, 2009
You're no spring chicken, yourself, Cabal.
posted by Toekneesan at 5:17 PM on March 14, 2009
posted by Toekneesan at 5:17 PM on March 14, 2009
I love the picture of the old guys and the photoshop'd hats
posted by pawlyk at 5:19 PM on March 14, 2009 [1 favorite]
posted by pawlyk at 5:19 PM on March 14, 2009 [1 favorite]
Excellent. Now nobody stands between Us and world domination.
posted by the Cabal at 5:12 PM on March 14 [1 favorite +] [!]
Nobody but the Masons and Reptoids...
posted by 445supermag at 5:23 PM on March 14, 2009
posted by the Cabal at 5:12 PM on March 14 [1 favorite +] [!]
Nobody but the Masons and Reptoids...
posted by 445supermag at 5:23 PM on March 14, 2009
Hey! another good conspiracy down the drain who are the JBS going to blame now?
posted by hortense at 5:24 PM on March 14, 2009
posted by hortense at 5:24 PM on March 14, 2009
You're no spring chicken, yourself, Cabal.
You've had it now, Toekneesan!
Ouch. Damned arthritis.
posted by the Cabal at 5:25 PM on March 14, 2009
You've had it now, Toekneesan!
Ouch. Damned arthritis.
posted by the Cabal at 5:25 PM on March 14, 2009
The humor is O.K., but it was kind of disturbing to me that a number of the commentators on the blog really did believe there is a secret Jewish conspiracy running the world from behind closed doors. Or is their sense of humor too subtle for me?
posted by idiopath at 5:30 PM on March 14, 2009
posted by idiopath at 5:30 PM on March 14, 2009
Well... I guess "zero" is a number. Based on the comments, it looks one extravagantly porn-named guy figures it's the Masons. Everyone else I can see seems to get the joke.
posted by ricochet biscuit at 5:42 PM on March 14, 2009
posted by ricochet biscuit at 5:42 PM on March 14, 2009
Oy.
posted by Ron Thanagar at 5:44 PM on March 14, 2009
posted by Ron Thanagar at 5:44 PM on March 14, 2009
one extravagantly porn-named guy figures it's the Masons
OH MY GOD great catch on "Wads Latvian"
posted by grobstein at 5:46 PM on March 14, 2009
OH MY GOD great catch on "Wads Latvian"
posted by grobstein at 5:46 PM on March 14, 2009
The rest of the Backward section is pretty funny also, pieces like:
Wonka Factory Receives Hekhsher
Alex Rodriguez Admits to Kabbalah Use
Rahm Emanuel’s Guide to Down-to-Earth Parenting
posted by 445supermag at 5:56 PM on March 14, 2009 [1 favorite]
Wonka Factory Receives Hekhsher
Alex Rodriguez Admits to Kabbalah Use
Rahm Emanuel’s Guide to Down-to-Earth Parenting
posted by 445supermag at 5:56 PM on March 14, 2009 [1 favorite]
"Excellent. Now nobody stands between Us and world domination."
posted by the Cabal at 11:12 AM on March 15
You clearly didn't count on me and my army of Velociraptors.
posted by Effigy2000 at 5:58 PM on March 14, 2009
posted by the Cabal at 11:12 AM on March 15
You clearly didn't count on me and my army of Velociraptors.
posted by Effigy2000 at 5:58 PM on March 14, 2009
The original Protocols were a hoax, so this seems more like missing the joke than anything.
posted by DU at 6:11 PM on March 14, 2009
posted by DU at 6:11 PM on March 14, 2009
They peaked in the eighties anyway, their work since then has been shoddy.
posted by Artw at 6:13 PM on March 14, 2009 [1 favorite]
posted by Artw at 6:13 PM on March 14, 2009 [1 favorite]
The original Protocols were a hoax...
Noooooo! You think?
posted by flapjax at midnite at 6:18 PM on March 14, 2009 [1 favorite]
Noooooo! You think?
posted by flapjax at midnite at 6:18 PM on March 14, 2009 [1 favorite]
The original Protocols were a hoax, so this seems more like missing the joke than anything.
Did you just zoom something over your own head?
That's.... amazing!
posted by rokusan at 6:26 PM on March 14, 2009 [1 favorite]
Did you just zoom something over your own head?
That's.... amazing!
posted by rokusan at 6:26 PM on March 14, 2009 [1 favorite]
The original Protocols were a hoax, so this seems more like missing the joke than anything.
hey, you know who else missed the joke?
posted by pyramid termite at 6:32 PM on March 14, 2009 [13 favorites]
hey, you know who else missed the joke?
posted by pyramid termite at 6:32 PM on March 14, 2009 [13 favorites]
Oh no you don't. Who's going to be the focus of whacked-out conspiracy theories now? Mormons? Didn't think of that did ya "learned" Elders?
posted by MikeMc at 6:46 PM on March 14, 2009
posted by MikeMc at 6:46 PM on March 14, 2009
I thought that the Bilderbergs were the Illuminati du jour.
posted by SteveTheRed at 7:06 PM on March 14, 2009
posted by SteveTheRed at 7:06 PM on March 14, 2009
You clearly didn't count on me and my army of Velociraptors.
Or the Bilderbergers...
posted by MikeMc at 7:07 PM on March 14, 2009
Or the Bilderbergers...
posted by MikeMc at 7:07 PM on March 14, 2009
Damn you SteveThe Red, damn you to hell!
posted by MikeMc at 7:08 PM on March 14, 2009 [1 favorite]
posted by MikeMc at 7:08 PM on March 14, 2009 [1 favorite]
Also, the Port O'Call in the land of Zion was just closed by the Federal Government so they could build a new courthouse.
posted by mr_crash_davis mark II: Jazz Odyssey at 7:17 PM on March 14, 2009 [1 favorite]
posted by mr_crash_davis mark II: Jazz Odyssey at 7:17 PM on March 14, 2009 [1 favorite]
How many Denny's breakfasts could you buy for a trillion dollars?
posted by not_on_display at 7:19 PM on March 14, 2009
posted by not_on_display at 7:19 PM on March 14, 2009
If I had a trillion dollars, I would buy ALL the pancakes and the right to make future pancakes. Then I would have true power.
posted by SteveTheRed at 7:24 PM on March 14, 2009 [2 favorites]
posted by SteveTheRed at 7:24 PM on March 14, 2009 [2 favorites]
Wait, Obama's not Jewish?
posted by cjorgensen at 7:24 PM on March 14, 2009
posted by cjorgensen at 7:24 PM on March 14, 2009
Solid B, maybe B+.
posted by Mayor Curley at 7:47 PM on March 14, 2009
posted by Mayor Curley at 7:47 PM on March 14, 2009
Let us all now sing a dirge for Protocols of the Elders of Awesome, whose name alone almost compensated for the deep-seated personal issues that provoked the fell swoop of the ban-hammer.
posted by killdevil at 7:50 PM on March 14, 2009
posted by killdevil at 7:50 PM on March 14, 2009
How many Denny's breakfasts could you buy for a trillion dollars?
Many many Moons Over My Hammy®
posted by nola at 8:02 PM on March 14, 2009
Many many Moons Over My Hammy®
posted by nola at 8:02 PM on March 14, 2009
... and it's not even the performance of their stock portfolios that has the old guys down so much. It's that their IT guy of all people, a kid who probably hasn't even heard of IBM, much less knows what it was like to work there, gave them a lecture in last Tuesday's morning meeting about how EoZIP should really be deprecated in favor of TCP/IP. And after all the work that they put into that user's manual years ago! It's as though their golden ago of computing is all but finished; whereas once they had a vast network built to run to high specs on the personal computers of the children of Gentiles, now all they really have is a few antique adding machines with 5 1/4" floppy drives and outdated motherboards.
posted by koeselitz at 8:16 PM on March 14, 2009 [2 favorites]
posted by koeselitz at 8:16 PM on March 14, 2009 [2 favorites]
If I had a trillion dollars, I'd buy your loooooooooove...
posted by cthuljew at 9:05 PM on March 14, 2009
posted by cthuljew at 9:05 PM on March 14, 2009
The original Protocols were a hoax
No, no, they weren't a hoax, but compiling the stack was a bitch. A lot of people just couldn't get it working.
Damn you, koeselitz! Faster, and more creative!
The rest of the Backward section is pretty funny also
I'll say, and Onion-level edgy:
Extreme Gaza Makeover
Rahm Emanuel's Guide to Down-to-Earth Parenting
Jewish Leaders Outraged: See p. 1, 2, 4, 5, 7, 8, 9
I was very disappointed that
Gratuitous Pictures of Israeli Models: They're Israeli. They're models. That's enough.
was not clickable.
posted by dhartung at 9:44 PM on March 14, 2009
No, no, they weren't a hoax, but compiling the stack was a bitch. A lot of people just couldn't get it working.
Damn you, koeselitz! Faster, and more creative!
The rest of the Backward section is pretty funny also
I'll say, and Onion-level edgy:
Extreme Gaza Makeover
Rahm Emanuel's Guide to Down-to-Earth Parenting
Jewish Leaders Outraged: See p. 1, 2, 4, 5, 7, 8, 9
I was very disappointed that
Gratuitous Pictures of Israeli Models: They're Israeli. They're models. That's enough.
was not clickable.
posted by dhartung at 9:44 PM on March 14, 2009
We'll see the Elders again once Jake gets paroled and puts the band back together.
posted by MikeMc at 10:24 PM on March 14, 2009
posted by MikeMc at 10:24 PM on March 14, 2009
Protocols of the Elder Gods of... nevermind.
posted by cthuljew at 10:55 PM on March 14, 2009 [2 favorites]
posted by cthuljew at 10:55 PM on March 14, 2009 [2 favorites]
Most assuredly edgy.
The Ad from at the bottom -
Picture of Austrian Mountains
"Come back and Stay
The Austrian government launches a new Ad campaign to welcome back Jews: 'This time, It'll be different. Promise.'"
I chuckled.
posted by Lord_Pall at 3:12 AM on March 15, 2009
The Ad from at the bottom -
Picture of Austrian Mountains
"Come back and Stay
The Austrian government launches a new Ad campaign to welcome back Jews: 'This time, It'll be different. Promise.'"
I chuckled.
posted by Lord_Pall at 3:12 AM on March 15, 2009
You know, growing up Jewish and hearing the various conspiracy theories, I always kinda wished there was a Jewish conspiracy. I mean, if we're going to take the blame for it, we might as well get something out of it, right? I've got lots of Jewish friends, and I think we'd make a great bunch of world dominators.
We really should get cracking on this, what with the Elder generation retiring and all.
posted by Afroblanco at 9:15 AM on March 15, 2009
We really should get cracking on this, what with the Elder generation retiring and all.
posted by Afroblanco at 9:15 AM on March 15, 2009
You mean they just left me out?!
Knew I should have gone to shul more often.
posted by Afroblanco at 10:10 AM on March 15, 2009
Knew I should have gone to shul more often.
posted by Afroblanco at 10:10 AM on March 15, 2009
You know, growing up Jewish and hearing the various conspiracy theories, I always kinda wished there was a Jewish conspiracy. I mean, if we're going to take the blame for it, we might as well get something out of it, right? I've got lots of Jewish friends, and I think we'd make a great bunch of world dominators.
Years ago I was reading a memoir by a Zionist who was in Palestine toward the end of the British Mandate, sitting at a table trying to negotiate concessions from a British delegation, when one of the leaders of the British contingent turned to him and said something to the effect of-- in tones of deep concern-- "are you sure this will be satisfactory to Your Leaders?"
At first he couldn't understand what the man was getting at, but at last he realized the negotiator was referring to something like the Elders of Zion, and was in real dread of their power. As I recall, he played it for what it was worth. (This may be garbled, take it for what it's worth.)
Oh, and don't forget in this context Huey Long's famous remark:
"I don't know much about Hitler, except this last thing. About the Jews - there has never been a country that put its heel down on the Jews that ever lived afterwards."
posted by jamjam at 1:31 PM on March 15, 2009 [1 favorite]
Years ago I was reading a memoir by a Zionist who was in Palestine toward the end of the British Mandate, sitting at a table trying to negotiate concessions from a British delegation, when one of the leaders of the British contingent turned to him and said something to the effect of-- in tones of deep concern-- "are you sure this will be satisfactory to Your Leaders?"
At first he couldn't understand what the man was getting at, but at last he realized the negotiator was referring to something like the Elders of Zion, and was in real dread of their power. As I recall, he played it for what it was worth. (This may be garbled, take it for what it's worth.)
Oh, and don't forget in this context Huey Long's famous remark:
"I don't know much about Hitler, except this last thing. About the Jews - there has never been a country that put its heel down on the Jews that ever lived afterwards."
posted by jamjam at 1:31 PM on March 15, 2009 [1 favorite]
The jews are the men that will not be blamed for nothing.
posted by Artw at 4:21 PM on March 15, 2009
posted by Artw at 4:21 PM on March 15, 2009
If the Jews were running things, I really think they'd do a better job of it. The current situation smacks more of eight years of unbridled cowboyism. And why don't my folks (German-Irish) ever get accused of running anything? Is it because half of me is drunk? Yeah, well, the other half makes good cars!
posted by jamstigator at 4:23 PM on March 15, 2009
posted by jamstigator at 4:23 PM on March 15, 2009
No, this is just a smoke screen.
They're only relinquishing control of the international banking industry, news media and Hollywood so they can capture Fnord Motor Company, the Clone Arrangers and the Post Office using Orbital Mind Control Lasers because the Republicans, White Collar Crime and the Multinational Oil Companies were using Secrets Man Was Not Meant to Know to attack The Society of Assassins.
Haven't you guys been paying attention to the news at all or do Robot Sea Monsters have to openly attack the CFL-AIO until you get a clue? It's just a reorganization move by the Gnomes.
Yeesh, wake up sheeple.
posted by Smedleyman at 9:04 PM on March 15, 2009 [2 favorites]
They're only relinquishing control of the international banking industry, news media and Hollywood so they can capture Fnord Motor Company, the Clone Arrangers and the Post Office using Orbital Mind Control Lasers because the Republicans, White Collar Crime and the Multinational Oil Companies were using Secrets Man Was Not Meant to Know to attack The Society of Assassins.
Haven't you guys been paying attention to the news at all or do Robot Sea Monsters have to openly attack the CFL-AIO until you get a clue? It's just a reorganization move by the Gnomes.
Yeesh, wake up sheeple.
posted by Smedleyman at 9:04 PM on March 15, 2009 [2 favorites]
That's the play diary from your latest round of Illuminati, isn't it?
posted by grobstein at 9:36 PM on March 15, 2009
posted by grobstein at 9:36 PM on March 15, 2009
« Older Follow the flowcharts | Whither newspapers? Newer »
This thread has been archived and is closed to new comments
posted by leotrotsky at 5:08 PM on March 14, 2009