Smoking Smarties!

March 17, 2009 12:59 PM

Research shows that a new trend for pre-teens is posting how-to videos explaining the finer points of crushing up smarties, inhaling the dust, and then puffing out powered sugar.

Smarties: America’s favorite candy wafer roll! Of course you can eat them. But did you know kids are smoking them? How to smoke Smarties with the best! What do you do in the face of such unwelcome PR? Perhaps the best option is silence. Learn in 7 easy steps, Better than candy cigarettes. Some of these videos have been around since 2007 so why are they catching on now? This is the American candy, not to be confused with the European chocolate confectionery. (via and via) (related previously)
posted by cjorgensen (68 comments total)

Kids. Lawn. Off.
posted by SPrintF at 1:01 PM on March 17, 2009 [6 favorites]

Coming off a three-day Smarties bender is ten-times worse than Supercool and Cake, combined. So that's, like, twenty times worse.
posted by Blazecock Pileon at 1:01 PM on March 17, 2009 [3 favorites]

Smoking Smarties? Pfeh. Back in my day, all the cool kids were snorting Pixy Stix!
posted by Faint of Butt at 1:02 PM on March 17, 2009 [3 favorites]

Second hand Smarty Smoke is a leading cause of cavities.
posted by bondcliff at 1:03 PM on March 17, 2009 [7 favorites]

This seems to be a stunning example of the world gone awry.
posted by ND¢ at 1:05 PM on March 17, 2009 [2 favorites]

Snorting Pixy Stix? Amateurs. We used to freebase Fun Dip. That's hardcore and in three flavors.
posted by Spatch at 1:06 PM on March 17, 2009 [3 favorites]

Faint of Butt: "Back in my day, all the cool kids were snorting Pixy Stix!"

You are not the kind of kid who would be at a playground like this at this time of the morning...
posted by Joe Beese at 1:06 PM on March 17, 2009 [2 favorites]

I did that when I was a kid, sorta, when we got them for something or another (this was in the 90s when it was still socially acceptable for kids to receive sugary candy on classmates birthdays and parties at school), I'd ground some of them up on my desk and inhale through my nose... At the time, maybe I thought I was doing lines. Also used pixie stix.

Never tried puff out the smoke though, I didn't have the internet to teach me that.

I just ended up with an itchy nose for the rest of the day.
posted by fizzix at 1:10 PM on March 17, 2009

Wise words: Dont get it too powdery; cops/teachers/parents may think you're incredibly stupid for putting crack in a pack of smarties, and you will also get in trouble.*

See also: I'll Smoke Anything
posted by porn in the woods at 1:10 PM on March 17, 2009 [1 favorite]

Damnit, this is seriously making my mouth water.
posted by backseatpilot at 1:11 PM on March 17, 2009

When I was a kid, we smoked cigarettes. What can I say? We were very literal.
posted by billysumday at 1:13 PM on March 17, 2009 [19 favorites]

I snorted Pixie Sticks. I lined it up on my Social Studies textbook with my library card and took an entire line with everyone in the adjacent seats on the bus watching. Never again, never again.
posted by spikeleemajortomdickandharryconnickjrmints at 1:14 PM on March 17, 2009 [2 favorites]

But why? Why do they do this?
posted by sveskemus at 1:15 PM on March 17, 2009

Freebasing for fat kids.
posted by rageagainsttherobots at 1:17 PM on March 17, 2009 [1 favorite]

Anyway, this is just like DuPont with marijuana. Nestle is behind the scenes of this epidemic, nudging the DEA into outlawing American Smarties so that it can enter the US market and push the genuine article, thus causing the collapse of Mars' all-American M&M business and opening up important Aero and Coffee Crisp markets, with CIA inner-city cross-promotional tie-ins. We're through the looking glass, people!
posted by Blazecock Pileon at 1:17 PM on March 17, 2009 [7 favorites]

Never tried puff out the smoke though, I didn't have the internet to teach me that.

You know, kids've done stupid things with candy/household objects/pets/little siblings for generations now. And when they do, either they realize it was an incredibly dumb idea and drop it, or a parent catches wise and puts the kibosh on it. And ideas like smoking Smarties or putting raspberry jam all over the cat don't just come from one kid and spread around. They just happen.

But now when the kids take videos and put it on the Internet, it's suddenly an epidemic.

Boy.
posted by Spatch at 1:18 PM on March 17, 2009 [1 favorite]

This is almost worth an FPP of its own, but: Candy cigarettes.
posted by We had a deal, Kyle at 1:20 PM on March 17, 2009 [3 favorites]

Nestle is behind the scenes of this epidemic, nudging the DEA into outlawing American Smarties so that it can enter the US market and push the genuine article, thus causing the collapse of Mars' all-American M&M business.

Oh boy, I wish. Smarties are much better than those johnny-come-lately M&Ms.

(Compare also: American KitKats vs British KitKats. Night and day.)
posted by We had a deal, Kyle at 1:23 PM on March 17, 2009

This is the funniest thing I've seen in a long time.

But why? Why do they do this?
posted by sveskemus at 3:15 PM on March 17 [+] [!]

Exactly! Why the fuck would you so this? Just 'cause it's hilarious, I guess. Just 'cause it's hilarious.
posted by interrobang at 1:25 PM on March 17, 2009

I am apparently too old to understand the reason for doing such a thing.

All the same, the next time we have some Smarties in the house, I will, of course, have to try it.
posted by Orb at 1:28 PM on March 17, 2009 [1 favorite]

I never understood why anyone would prefer Smarties to SweeTarts. I mean sure, STs might be more corporate, but they also have a stronger flavor.

I guess this is why.
posted by JHarris at 1:28 PM on March 17, 2009

candy wars go
posted by oaf at 1:29 PM on March 17, 2009

As a Canadian, let me say - those aren't Smarties, they're Rockets.
posted by davebush at 1:31 PM on March 17, 2009 [12 favorites]

When you smoke your Smarties, do you smoke the red ones last?
posted by gman at 1:31 PM on March 17, 2009 [3 favorites]

The first time I thought I smoked weed it turns out my friends had rolled a joint of basil and oregano. Ha ha, very funny.

Then they rolled the real thing. I spent the next hour walking up and down the stairs of the apartment building, worrying that if I stopped my head would explode.
posted by KokuRyu at 1:37 PM on March 17, 2009 [3 favorites]

I have memories of going to a Girl Guide camp (maybe Pathfinders?) and after campfire, some of the girls would sneak off into the woods behind the outhouse and break off these twigs and smoke them. Or try to, any way. Light the tips on fire, and suck away. It was so odd. I couldn't understand what the hell good it was. Now, they may have been very specific twigs from very specific trees (cigarette trees? marijuana trees?) but to me, they were just sucking on burning twigs. Idiots in every sense.
posted by sandraregina at 1:46 PM on March 17, 2009

Wait, since when are Rockets called Smarties? Do Americans not have real, ie chocolate, Smarties?
posted by pseudostrabismus at 1:48 PM on March 17, 2009

I never snorted any candy, but one of the neighborhood kids(15 or 16 when I was about 13) convinced my brother(about 11 at the time) to snot Pixie Stix. On more than one occasion.
posted by owtytrof at 1:49 PM on March 17, 2009

There's a discussion of the Smarties smoking phenomenon on the snopes forums, and on at least one other blog I saw people calling for the banning of Smarties. These seemed to be mostly in jest. But look at banning candy cigarettes and one can imagine such a campaign.

The scary part of this post to me was that I had so many videos to choose from. In at least one the kid sits off camera, like a mafia informant, unwilling to video taped. I kept thinking, "Mom must be so proud." And once I started down this road I found kids smoking Pixie Sticks (using fire) and Twizzlers (didn't watch), so Smarties are obviously a gateway candy.

My "the" link had the best production of any of these videos, but boy does that kid need to watch the others. He's doing it wrong!
posted by cjorgensen at 1:59 PM on March 17, 2009

Do Americans not have real, ie chocolate, Smarties?

No, no we don't. We have wannabes called M&Ms, which are not at all like chocolate Smarties (except in the sense that they are chocolate with a candy shell)

Canadians get better health care and better candy. And more flavors of potato chips.

Just ain't fair. I hope you're looking forward to the invasion.
posted by rtha at 2:03 PM on March 17, 2009

I had a horrid drug experimentation phase...

I got to try the good stuff (ephedrine) -- 7 pills at once. And no-doz (14 pills at once, uh... No. If you ever want to be in misery and pain and not be able to sleep it off? thank god I'm not dead from that).

I was tempted by what I read about nutmeg, but also heard some horrid things about the hangover, so never tried it.

But the worst? The absolute worst and stupid thing I did? Smoke aspirin. Yes, ladies and gents, you read it here first. Aspirin smoking.

You know it's an acid, right? Well, apparently the smoke FEELS like acid in your lungs. Holy shit. Ouch.

Then again, maybe that's what the DMT feels like.

I think I'll pass on the smarties, I think E was candy enough. Smoking Smarties? Come on, kids... Sniffing markers at least gets you high good and proper!
posted by symbioid at 2:13 PM on March 17, 2009

Oh shit, I just watched videos... Wow.

That's like. Candy Cigarettes to the next level.

Do they still make those things?
posted by symbioid at 2:15 PM on March 17, 2009

Smarties are not European, they're more of a Commonwealth thing. UK, Canada, Australia I believe. That they sell them in Germany and South Africa is an exception. They're originally from Rowntree (thankfully one place where my memories and Wikipedia agree), a York-based confectioner. My sister had a job making them once. She made me a batch of mint ones and a bath of orange flavoured ones.

Also, it's like those kids are setting out to get old folks' irish up. This is seriously less interesting than my rambling on about the distinction between Commonwealth vs European cultural ephemera.
posted by GuyZero at 2:17 PM on March 17, 2009 [1 favorite]

Orange Smarties taste like baby aspirin, mmmm.
posted by theora55 at 2:25 PM on March 17, 2009

Note to self: Do not party with symbioid.
posted by Big_B at 2:27 PM on March 17, 2009 [2 favorites]

God bless Youtube. Now dumbass kid stunts can become national media panics. Next up: tittie twister torment: trend or torture?
posted by Nelson at 2:27 PM on March 17, 2009

At camp, kids were all into smoking dried pieces of grapevine, I also had classmates in elementary school that crushed up and snorted lines of smarties. I think it had something to do with the fact that we were slowly discovering that most of the things adults were forbidding us from were fun and felt good, so we wanted to try all of them immediately (or at least the closest things we could get).
posted by idiopath at 2:29 PM on March 17, 2009

Not so smarties.
posted by bonefish at 2:30 PM on March 17, 2009 [1 favorite]

There was a guy in my Boy Scout troop who always smoked cedar bark on camping trips. He swore it got him high. It certainly made his eyes red.
posted by MrMoonPie at 2:38 PM on March 17, 2009

For some odd reason this reminds me of smokin' banana peels
posted by freq at 2:40 PM on March 17, 2009

My mom was the school nurse when I was in elementary school and one time she had to pull a Smartie out of this kid's nose but I don't think he was trying to snort it I think he just liked to stick things up his nose.
posted by mudpuppie at 2:41 PM on March 17, 2009 [2 favorites]

This brings back elementary school memories of sitting under the playground slide with my best friend Robert and smoking a hand-rolled "joint" made from lawn clippings and notebook paper. If I recall correctly, we actually succeeded in convincing our classmates (and ourselves) that we got way fucking high that day.
posted by Atom Eyes at 2:44 PM on March 17, 2009

On re-reading, I did not actually bathe in orange-flavoured smarties. I ate them.
posted by GuyZero at 2:46 PM on March 17, 2009 [1 favorite]

I was in a bar in Boston once. Well, more than once. But this only happened once, that I saw, where a couple of locals poured a little Jack Daniels into the dimple on the bottom of a shot glass and snorted it. "AAAAAAAAAAUUUGH! That smaaaaaaaahhhhts!" They had a name for it, but I forgot it in the ensuing hilarity.
posted by Ella Fynoe at 2:50 PM on March 17, 2009

Yah, UK: Fizzlers. But I can't for the life of me understand why somebody would want to inhale them...surely snorting them might be a better option? and better training? Smoking is so passe, even learning to cook-up/chase sherbet would be more useful.


Also, on a minor note, the Wikipedia page for US Smarties has a link to UK sweets called 'Parma Violets'. If you're ever in the UK, please get hold of a pack and eat freely. They are kiddy-crack.
posted by Sova at 3:13 PM on March 17, 2009

Dumb kids. I wonder if it's bad to have powdered candy in your lungs? Is it the sort of thing that works itself out over time, or is that gunk going to actually get stuck in the lungs, accumulating into a sticky, lung-clogging goo?

This reminds me of my elementary friends who figured out how to make themselves pass out by doing some weird thing, probably they were pressing on the jugular vein somehow.
posted by brenton at 3:17 PM on March 17, 2009

In Australia, candy cigarettes used to be called "Fags". Then something happened, and they were called "Fads". Then they were taken off the shelf altogether and replaced with high-fructose 18-hour patches.
posted by turgid dahlia at 3:42 PM on March 17, 2009 [3 favorites]

I wonder if it's bad to have powdered candy in your lungs? Is it the sort of thing that works itself out over time, or is that gunk going to actually get stuck in the lungs, accumulating into a sticky, lung-clogging goo?

You can usually expedite expectoration of candy dust by taking a big drag on a Cohiba.
posted by turgid dahlia at 3:46 PM on March 17, 2009

Technically, they're dusting.
posted by delmoi at 3:49 PM on March 17, 2009

Then again, maybe that's what the DMT feels like.

No, not really.
posted by Mars Saxman at 3:51 PM on March 17, 2009 [1 favorite]

brenton, there are two common ways to do what your describing, neither of which I will put down, since kids dies that way. But both involve messing with the oxygen in your brain. How a lot more kids don't kill themselves I'll never understand.

Just like the kids that were getting high by drinking way too much water and throwing off brain electrolyte levels they do dumb things. And as these youtube videos prove an education campaign just gives them ideas.
posted by cjorgensen at 3:56 PM on March 17, 2009

GuyZero: they also have Smarties in the Netherlands...
posted by Pendragon at 3:59 PM on March 17, 2009

From "The IT Crowd":

Jen: what did you eat for breakfast?
Moss: Smarties cereal
Jen: I didn't even know they MADE smarties cereal
Moss: They don't, it's just smarties in a bowl of milk
posted by Faze at 4:25 PM on March 17, 2009 [4 favorites]

Cocaine: Metafilter: On your first time, you will probably start coughing as your throat is not used to the powder. If you do it enough, you shall get used to it.

From the 7 easy steps link.
posted by jckll at 5:12 PM on March 17, 2009

This reminds me of my elementary friends who figured out how to make themselves pass out

Yup, the knowledge of that "trick" went around my elementary school. It's what immediately came to mind when I was thinking of stupid things I did as a child that I'm glad I wasn't able to post to the internet.

I only did it once. I mostly tried it because I didn't think it would work. I didn't particularly like the sensation of waking up on the ground, not knowing where I was, and having a headache from my head hitting the ground.
posted by diogenes at 6:29 PM on March 17, 2009

metafilter: tittie twister torment: trend or torture?
posted by cjorgensen at 6:49 PM on March 17, 2009

What ever happened to just using drugs?
posted by IvoShandor at 7:45 PM on March 17, 2009 [1 favorite]

Kids smoking Smarties and snorting Nesquik (Lindsay Lohan, reportedly)? What's next, freebasing SweeTarts?!

(And, of course, what you can do with Pixy Sticks just goes without saying)
posted by Mael Oui at 7:59 PM on March 17, 2009

America’s favorite candy wafer roll!

Pretty fucking specific, don't you think?
Kit-Kat! America's favorite 4-stick candy bar!
Nintendo Wii! America's favorite motion-controlled video game system!
posted by graventy at 9:01 PM on March 17, 2009

Mars Saxman, I wasn't referring to the effects of the aspirin... :P

But the wretched burning in the lungs. From what I hear, DMT is massively harsh.

Also? Big_B, let me state that this is the distant past when the folly of youth held reign. My party days are much more mild these days, and (sadly) far sparser.

But the drugs? So much better ;)
posted by symbioid at 9:10 PM on March 17, 2009

This is not new. I used to snort powdered candy of all kinds, including mexican candy with chili in it, when I was in high school many years ago. But only when I was stoned or coming down from DXM.
posted by dirty lies at 11:29 PM on March 17, 2009

Did none of you watch the videos at all?

1) There is no actual smoking involved, and
2) the first guy explicitly says NOT TO BREATHE IT IN.
posted by archagon at 1:14 AM on March 18, 2009 [2 favorites]

sandraregina: very specific twigs from very specific trees (cigarette trees?)

Possibly clematis vitalba, aka Old Man's beard, aka smoke-wood, aka Traveller's joy.
Also used as a traditional remedy to stop tooth pain, apparently.
posted by MuffinMan at 3:26 AM on March 18, 2009

Ella Fynoe wrote: I was in a bar in Boston once. Well, more than once. But this only happened once, that I saw, where a couple of locals poured a little Jack Daniels into the dimple on the bottom of a shot glass and snorted it. "AAAAAAAAAAUUUGH! That smaaaaaaaahhhhts!" They had a name for it, but I forgot it in the ensuing hilarity.

Having spent some time with denizens of the area, I believe the term you are looking for is "chilly willy."

Dunno why. But that's what some fellows called it.
posted by Andrew Galarneau at 5:21 AM on March 18, 2009

I can't believe we now have access to the latest playground trends! I can't wait to talk to my nephew about it! He's gonna think I am so cool!
posted by orme at 5:47 AM on March 18, 2009

Huh. As kids will do, the neighbourhood consensus was that M&Ms were SO much better than Smarties, because they were hard to get (only in America). I've never really bothered to compare them, but my sig other is a Smarties fanatic.

These things -- Rockets -- are what you get when you go to the neighbourhood skating rink. Or Sweet Tarts.
posted by Durn Bronzefist at 6:12 AM on March 18, 2009

I smoked a Twix once. The melted chocolate gets on your fingers but the cookie part smolders well and is spongy enough that you can inhale through it.
posted by euphorb at 8:04 AM on March 18, 2009

Once I convinced two girls to do "Mad Dog Shots". This is where you do a shot of Praerie Fire (tequila with tabasco in it.), with salt and lime. Except you take the salt, and you snort it, then you drink the shot, and then you squirt the lime in your eye.

It was just a joke, but it all went horribly sideways.
posted by mek at 12:22 PM on March 18, 2009