June 2, 2001

1:15 PM

65 minor characters battle it out, single-elimination tournament style. Sure, we all saw Troy McClure's rout of Uter coming a mile away, but did you really think Hans Moleman had what it took to knock off Rev. Lovejoy? Your votes help determine which supporting player is the supporting-est on The Road to Springfield.
posted by jjg (26 comments total)

Ralph Wiggum rulz. His cat's breath smells like cat food, doncha know, and his nose wouldn't bleed so much if he'd just keep his fingers outta there. And, of course, his sheer delight in flipping the mailbox-flag up & down is enough to bring tears of joy to even the sternest of souls. Thanks for the great link! If Ralph doesn't win, though, there's gonna be trouble with a Capital "T" in Springfield!
posted by davidmsc at 2:16 PM on June 2, 2001

It better be a

Montgomery Burns
Comic-Book-Guy
Troy McClure
Ralph Wiggum

final four.
posted by Grum at 3:31 PM on June 2, 2001

My money's on Groundskeeper Willie. That counter is great:

You miserable sacks of crap have visited this page n times since 4/26/2001
posted by gimli at 3:35 PM on June 2, 2001

What?! A second round matchup between Sideshow Bob and Sideshow Mel? Ahhh the humanity! My money is on the bumblebee guy.
posted by trox at 3:59 PM on June 2, 2001

i want willy to win, but if he makes it to the finals all will be okay.

"You mean this was all a setup, and everyone in town but me knew about it?"

"Yup."

"Willy dinna!"

best. quote. ever.
posted by sugarfish at 7:15 PM on June 2, 2001

I agree with most of that, hincandenza, but I see Nelson upsetting McLure in the 2nd round. Unless there's a serious Phil Hartman sympathy vote, Nelson is da man. I still see Barney beating Nelson, though.

HA ha.
posted by jpoulos at 7:21 PM on June 2, 2001

hincandenza: you have Apu vs. Moe and you pick Moe?

Moe? Over the man who said...

"Each of these bullet wounds is a badge of honor."

"Hey! Hey! Stop it, stop it! Conserve your precious hatred for the game."

"Silly customer! You cannot hurt a Twinkie."

"Please do not offer my God a peanut."

"He slept, he stole, he was rude to the customers. Still, there goes the best damned employee a convenience store ever had."

Good Lord, man! "Shiva H. Vishnu!"
posted by massless at 7:51 PM on June 2, 2001

This is great. I just wish I'd known about it beforehand so I could've made the MeFi Springfield Tournament Bracket Betting Pool Pool For Completely Wholesome And Not At All Illegal Purposes.
posted by youhas at 8:07 PM on June 2, 2001

I must agree with massless. Afterall, Apu risks his life for the thing he loves: the kwik e-mart.

"I won't lie to you. On this job, you will be shot at."
posted by modularette at 8:13 PM on June 2, 2001

I can't speak to the odds, but Sideshow Bob ought to win by a mile.

The truth? You can't handle the truth! No truth-handler, you! I deride your truth-handling abilities!
posted by dhartung at 8:38 PM on June 2, 2001

Captain McAllister gets no respect.

Captain: "Arrr matey, narry a warning light to be seen, clear sailin' ahead for our precious cargo."
Mate: "The hot pants, sir?"
Captain: "Aye, the hot pants."

btw, I like the counter on the bracket page better..
n slices of American cheese since 4/26/2001
posted by antispork at 9:17 PM on June 2, 2001

If this hits slashdot, we're going to see vote numbers in the thousands, unless the guy tallying to votes has his mailbox explode.
posted by Steven Den Beste at 9:41 PM on June 2, 2001

Wait — when can I vote for Jasper? The old guy with the long beard? "Two hundred channels... nothin' but cats." "You shot who in the what now?" I love him.
posted by nicwolff at 9:44 PM on June 2, 2001

nic: Jasper faces Itchy (of "and Scratchy" fame) in the first round in the Celebrity Style division. I think he can take the mouse, but then he'll almost certainly be facing Krusty in the second round. And then he will be doomed.

Here are my picks:

Sweet Sixteen:
Burns vs. Milhouse
Willy vs. Chief Wiggum
Ned Flanders vs. Apu
Skinner vs. Moe
Krusty vs. Barney
Troy McClure vs. Smithers
Grampa vs. Quimby
Ralph vs. Sideshow Bob

Elite Eight:
Burns vs. Chief Wiggum
Apu vs. Moe
Krusty vs. Troy McClure
Grampa vs. Sideshow Bob

Final Four:
Burns vs. Moe
Troy McClure vs. Sideshow Bob

Championship:
Burns vs. Sideshow Bob

I wonder what it says about me that I've got the show's two greatest villains going head to head for the championship?
posted by jjg at 12:17 AM on June 3, 2001

jjg: Not bad bracketing, but I think you're way off the mark having Ss Bob take Ralphie (I'd also question your Krusty over Barney pick, but that one could be close- and lord knows GK Willy's gotta have more support and beat Wiggum- did you notice he received more votes than anyone, at 74-1, so far?). Ss Bob is a great supporting character, but Ralphie is the most quotable character on that show, excepting maybe Homer. How many times have you found yourself saying "Tastes like... burning!" in normal conversation? How many times has the phrase "Me fail English- that's un-possible!" crept into your daily chatter? Ralphie is where it's at... I'm betting only GK Willy or Burns could pose a serious challenge.
posted by hincandenza at 2:08 AM on June 3, 2001

hincandenza: I salute your insight, perception, and wisdom. Us Ralphie-lovers are small in number, but passionate in defense of the Most Pitiful Creature In TV History. We choo-choo-choose Ralph "I ate all my blasting caps" Wiggum!
posted by davidmsc at 4:48 AM on June 3, 2001

The two episode rule makes my man Don Brodka ineligible I guess.
posted by ljromanoff at 9:16 AM on June 3, 2001

Wait — when can I vote for Jasper?

Not voting for Jasper, that's a paddlin'...
posted by jpoulos at 10:30 AM on June 3, 2001

There's a lot of good buzz around Lenny...
posted by mathowie at 5:27 PM on June 3, 2001

What a great site! I laughed a lot.

antispork, I agree - Captain McAllister gets not respect. I love that character!

Yarrr!
posted by doublehelix at 9:29 PM on June 3, 2001

Despite four memorable regular-season performances, one of my favorites was not invited by the selection committee. I imagine he'll be attending the Final Four matchups, though, selling Khlav Kalash in the stands. On a stick. With crab juice.
posted by ewagoner at 8:48 AM on June 4, 2001

Ralph. All the way. Ralph has made me cry with laughter so many times, I can't even begin to say.

"Yay, sleep! That's where I'm a viking!"

(Sad commentary: I've won two different web-based Simpsons-only trivia games. Though that was about three years ago.)
posted by Skot at 9:31 AM on June 4, 2001

With all of the Ralph-talk around here, I cannot believe that this hasn't yet made an appearance (Courtesy o' FilePile).
posted by Avogadro at 9:41 AM on June 4, 2001

The two episode rule makes my man Don Brodka ineligible I guess.

Yeah, and Hank Scorpio's not eligible, either...ah well...

Go Ralphie!
posted by solistrato at 8:11 PM on June 4, 2001