Stop, mormontime
March 28, 2009 12:15 PM Subscribe
Literally every single time I see the word "Mormon" I read it as "moron." And every time I see "SLYT" I read "slut."
So basically what I'm saying is that this post was a huge disappointment.
posted by synaesthetichaze at 12:22 PM on March 28, 2009 [7 favorites]
So basically what I'm saying is that this post was a huge disappointment.
posted by synaesthetichaze at 12:22 PM on March 28, 2009 [7 favorites]
Promising concept. Execution could have been better. Also, between this and south park this really makes me want to see a big budget dramatization of Mormons' actual beliefs. No exaggerations or intentionally making then look bad, just a big budget mormon version of The Ten Commandments based on their actual version of history.
posted by empath at 12:30 PM on March 28, 2009 [1 favorite]
posted by empath at 12:30 PM on March 28, 2009 [1 favorite]
Oh, Mormonism. I am so confused.
posted by six-or-six-thirty at 12:38 PM on March 28, 2009
posted by six-or-six-thirty at 12:38 PM on March 28, 2009
empath, they have a movie already. You watch it as part of the endowment ceremony, though, so I don't think it's available to non-Mormons.
posted by Houstonian at 12:41 PM on March 28, 2009
posted by Houstonian at 12:41 PM on March 28, 2009
That was pretty good, from a mashup standpoint! Who cares about the actual Mormon not Mormon white black Jesus Moroni latter day saint cult best religion ever aspects. The timing on the animation and the music was good.
I was taught by Baptists that the Mormons were a cult, cult, cult. I have since discovered that the Mormons, who are not perfect, are pretty much the ideal Christians, unless you are black, and in that case, they are at least trying, which is better than just about anyone else is doing.
When I first moved to California, my girlfriend, now my wife, told me this joke:
"How many Mormons does it take to change a light bulb"
"Oh, just one, but it takes twelve to serve refreshments."
I didn't get it at first. I expected human sacrifice and secret rituals and magic underwear. I get it now.
posted by Xoebe at 12:53 PM on March 28, 2009 [2 favorites]
I was taught by Baptists that the Mormons were a cult, cult, cult. I have since discovered that the Mormons, who are not perfect, are pretty much the ideal Christians, unless you are black, and in that case, they are at least trying, which is better than just about anyone else is doing.
When I first moved to California, my girlfriend, now my wife, told me this joke:
"How many Mormons does it take to change a light bulb"
"Oh, just one, but it takes twelve to serve refreshments."
I didn't get it at first. I expected human sacrifice and secret rituals and magic underwear. I get it now.
posted by Xoebe at 12:53 PM on March 28, 2009 [2 favorites]
Also, for the record, I was baptized a member of the LDS church and I am still (technically) a member.
Oh, not any more you're not! *calls your local stake president to set up an "interview"*
No planet for you!
posted by loquacious at 12:53 PM on March 28, 2009 [4 favorites]
Oh, not any more you're not! *calls your local stake president to set up an "interview"*
No planet for you!
posted by loquacious at 12:53 PM on March 28, 2009 [4 favorites]
The cartoon outlining Mormonism (the "the" linked video) provided me with a better understanding of LDS theology. Oh my...right up there with the South Park “Trapped in the Closet” episode about Scientology. Both, wild-ass, crazy shit. Oh, my ... what to say?
posted by ericb at 1:02 PM on March 28, 2009
posted by ericb at 1:02 PM on March 28, 2009
"How many Mormons does it take to change a light bulb"
"Oh, just one, but it takes twelve to serve refreshments."
The correct punchline is "Thirty one. One to screw in the lightbulb and 30 to bring refreshments."
It's true, actually. Mormons might not drink alcohol, coffee nor do they smoke. They might not dance too close together even after their married.
But hot damn do they love a big greasy pile of casserole and some cake and pie. 5 gallon tubs of institutional grade ice cream? Better bring three or four of them. There's going to be two dozen pies and about a hundred kids and three or four dozen large-bellied menfolk and about forty linear feet of casserole dishes three deep on a dozen tables, including ten different kinds of mac and cheese and taco pie and tuna noodle casserole and ten different kinds of taters.
Taters.
posted by loquacious at 1:02 PM on March 28, 2009 [6 favorites]
"Oh, just one, but it takes twelve to serve refreshments."
The correct punchline is "Thirty one. One to screw in the lightbulb and 30 to bring refreshments."
It's true, actually. Mormons might not drink alcohol, coffee nor do they smoke. They might not dance too close together even after their married.
But hot damn do they love a big greasy pile of casserole and some cake and pie. 5 gallon tubs of institutional grade ice cream? Better bring three or four of them. There's going to be two dozen pies and about a hundred kids and three or four dozen large-bellied menfolk and about forty linear feet of casserole dishes three deep on a dozen tables, including ten different kinds of mac and cheese and taco pie and tuna noodle casserole and ten different kinds of taters.
Taters.
posted by loquacious at 1:02 PM on March 28, 2009 [6 favorites]
empath -- be sure to check out the PBS American Experience/Frontline documentary series The Mormons || video.
posted by ericb at 1:05 PM on March 28, 2009
posted by ericb at 1:05 PM on March 28, 2009
ericb- Mormons hate that video but as someone who was raised in the LDS church I can't find any inaccuracies. There is this concept of "milk before meat" in the LDS church so basically you aren't taught most of that stuff until long after you been baptized a member.
posted by skjønn at 1:05 PM on March 28, 2009 [1 favorite]
posted by skjønn at 1:05 PM on March 28, 2009 [1 favorite]
Eerie beyond any half-baked cosmology is the surreal hand of a rotoscoped animation. Bakshi!!
So, aside from the initiatory ordinances, LDS Mormon Temples are really just glorified, beautified, ornate theaters for either movies or plays. [...] While many temples have cafeterias within, there are no snacks or concessions allowed inside the theaters. Bummer.
Weak criticism. Since when did the theater become a mundane, earthly thing? Let's remember that the roots of Western drama (and music) lie in Greek mystic rites and, later, miracle plays and liturgical songs; and more importantly that Coleridge's "willful suspension of disbelief," the ground state of openness to art, is also the prerequisite of every religion: faith. Every church is also a theater, and often by conspicuous design.
posted by kid ichorous at 1:06 PM on March 28, 2009 [3 favorites]
So, aside from the initiatory ordinances, LDS Mormon Temples are really just glorified, beautified, ornate theaters for either movies or plays. [...] While many temples have cafeterias within, there are no snacks or concessions allowed inside the theaters. Bummer.
Weak criticism. Since when did the theater become a mundane, earthly thing? Let's remember that the roots of Western drama (and music) lie in Greek mystic rites and, later, miracle plays and liturgical songs; and more importantly that Coleridge's "willful suspension of disbelief," the ground state of openness to art, is also the prerequisite of every religion: faith. Every church is also a theater, and often by conspicuous design.
posted by kid ichorous at 1:06 PM on March 28, 2009 [3 favorites]
Speaking as an active mormon, I find the video to be a bizarre interpretation of our theology, but being an MC Hammer fan, I also find it very catchy.
posted by blue_beetle at 1:18 PM on March 28, 2009
posted by blue_beetle at 1:18 PM on March 28, 2009
I love the idea that free will was decided upon by majority vote in a committee meeting. Take that, Weber!
posted by found missing at 1:32 PM on March 28, 2009
posted by found missing at 1:32 PM on March 28, 2009
But hot damn do they love a big greasy pile of casserole and some cake and pie.
Big Love has led me to believe that they also love carrot-raisin salad. They seem to make it every episode.
posted by Bookhouse at 1:41 PM on March 28, 2009
Big Love has led me to believe that they also love carrot-raisin salad. They seem to make it every episode.
posted by Bookhouse at 1:41 PM on March 28, 2009
Speaking as a connoisseur of memes, I approve of this effort.
The mash-up video didn't have too much of the video intact, or at least easy to understand due to attempts to pace the vocals with the beat.
Here's a slightly better quality video, if you're looking.
posted by filthy light thief at 1:44 PM on March 28, 2009
The mash-up video didn't have too much of the video intact, or at least easy to understand due to attempts to pace the vocals with the beat.
Here's a slightly better quality video, if you're looking.
posted by filthy light thief at 1:44 PM on March 28, 2009
There is this concept of "milk before meat" in the LDS church so basically you aren't taught most of that stuff until long after you been baptized a member.
I'm sure Scientology has a similar concept, except they they call it something like "cash before crack."
Not intended as a slight against Mormons. I really don't know anything about their theology.
posted by JHarris at 2:32 PM on March 28, 2009
I'm sure Scientology has a similar concept, except they they call it something like "cash before crack."
Not intended as a slight against Mormons. I really don't know anything about their theology.
posted by JHarris at 2:32 PM on March 28, 2009
Aha, so the internet does have a name for videos made of random pieces, all mashed up into meaningless techno-like songs: YouTube Poop or YouTube Poop Music Videos. That's what was meant by someone requesting "a Poop with this footage." Crazy kids and their combined interest in internets and poops.
posted by filthy light thief at 3:52 PM on March 28, 2009
posted by filthy light thief at 3:52 PM on March 28, 2009
From my brief sojourn in the land of the saints, my time as a gentile jew---
The local supermarket sold 50 pound (22kg) bags of sugar.
The pastries and cakes, even in bakeries, were inhumanly sweet, like the worst of Chinese pastries.
Take away the usual vices, and, it seems, sugar fills the gap.
And no mention of South Park's superior Mormon episode:
All About the Mormons?
(Go to http://www.southparkstudios.com/ and search for it--you'll be dum dum dum if you don't don't don't)
posted by hexatron at 4:56 PM on March 28, 2009
The local supermarket sold 50 pound (22kg) bags of sugar.
The pastries and cakes, even in bakeries, were inhumanly sweet, like the worst of Chinese pastries.
Take away the usual vices, and, it seems, sugar fills the gap.
And no mention of South Park's superior Mormon episode:
All About the Mormons?
(Go to http://www.southparkstudios.com/ and search for it--you'll be dum dum dum if you don't don't don't)
posted by hexatron at 4:56 PM on March 28, 2009
Promising concept. Execution could have been better. Also, between this and south park this really makes me want to see a big budget dramatization of Mormons' actual beliefs. No exaggerations or intentionally making then look bad, just a big budget mormon version of The Ten Commandments based on their actual version of history.
While not a movie, they do have an huge ass pageant every year in Palmyra, NY (where Joseph Smith found those golden plates that served as the basis for the Book of Mormon). While they don't cover everything, they do cover how Jesus came to America to chill with the Native Americans for a while and how Joseph Smith discovered the plates.
I'm not a Mormon but I'd love to check it out.
posted by champthom at 4:57 PM on March 28, 2009
While not a movie, they do have an huge ass pageant every year in Palmyra, NY (where Joseph Smith found those golden plates that served as the basis for the Book of Mormon). While they don't cover everything, they do cover how Jesus came to America to chill with the Native Americans for a while and how Joseph Smith discovered the plates.
I'm not a Mormon but I'd love to check it out.
posted by champthom at 4:57 PM on March 28, 2009
Big Love has led me to believe that they also love carrot-raisin salad.
I have been to Utah a bit, and I can assure you that's grounded in reality. "Red" jello is also a favorite, although what the "red" is supposed to be a flavor of is probably only revealed to members of the Church.
posted by jonp72 at 5:07 PM on March 28, 2009 [1 favorite]
I have been to Utah a bit, and I can assure you that's grounded in reality. "Red" jello is also a favorite, although what the "red" is supposed to be a flavor of is probably only revealed to members of the Church.
posted by jonp72 at 5:07 PM on March 28, 2009 [1 favorite]
They had safety pins in the year 0? No, no they didn't.
posted by furtive at 5:11 PM on March 28, 2009
posted by furtive at 5:11 PM on March 28, 2009
The Mormon take on creation can be found in their scriptures, which include a lot of the temple ceremony. It includes the multiple gods stuff, which was borrowed for a popular television program.
posted by mecran01 at 6:27 PM on March 28, 2009
posted by mecran01 at 6:27 PM on March 28, 2009
The fuck? That mormon ritual linked above was pretty much exactly like what we did at Masonic temple. Not "similar" but basically the same thing.
Bullshit, man! They're stealing our shit! Our special secret shit!! This is unacceptable.
posted by Baby_Balrog at 7:35 PM on March 28, 2009
Bullshit, man! They're stealing our shit! Our special secret shit!! This is unacceptable.
posted by Baby_Balrog at 7:35 PM on March 28, 2009
It's interesting to learn of all this culinary untrendiness associated with Mormons. Because in my limited knowledge of Mormons they pretty much seem to own the design blog world (including food and fashion).
posted by birdie birdington at 7:37 PM on March 28, 2009
posted by birdie birdington at 7:37 PM on March 28, 2009
Baby_Balrog, you aren't the first to notice the similarities between the Mormon endowment ceremony and Mason ceremonies.
posted by Houstonian at 8:11 PM on March 28, 2009
posted by Houstonian at 8:11 PM on March 28, 2009
An angry mob(Masons?) martyred Joesph and his brother Hyram in Carthage Illinois IIRC Joseph Smith joined the Masons in Ohio proclaimed himself Grand Master and built a temple in Navoo Illinois.
posted by hortense at 9:58 PM on March 28, 2009
posted by hortense at 9:58 PM on March 28, 2009
they do have an huge ass pageant every year in Palmyra, NY
I'm disappointed by the complete lack of any evidence that that's a pageant for people with huge asses. I'm pretty sure there must be some who attend, but it should be the criteria for admission, dammit!
posted by PeterMcDermott at 1:36 AM on March 29, 2009
I'm disappointed by the complete lack of any evidence that that's a pageant for people with huge asses. I'm pretty sure there must be some who attend, but it should be the criteria for admission, dammit!
posted by PeterMcDermott at 1:36 AM on March 29, 2009
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posted by skjønn at 12:16 PM on March 28, 2009