We Know You Are Out There

March 29, 2009 9:33 AM

We made a mistake. That is the simple, undeniable truth of the matter, however painful it might be. The flaw was not in our Observatories, for those machines were as perfect as we could make, and they showed us only the unfiltered light of truth. The flaw was not in the Predictor, for it is a device of pure, infallible logic, turning raw data into meaningful information without the taint of emotion or bias. No, the flaw was within us, the Orchestrators of this disaster, the sentients who thought themselves beyond such failings. We are responsible.
posted by aheckler (51 comments total)

I hope Anonymous doesn't stay that way.
posted by infinitewindow at 9:40 AM on March 29

It might be an interesting story, but suptg "is a resource tool for users of the Traditional Games board, /tg/, on 4chan." You should let viewers know that any link they click is likely to send them back to 4chan, which is a place a lot of people don't want to go.
posted by Science! at 9:41 AM on March 29 [1 favorite]

This is an interesting read. I'm glad it's archived.
posted by LSK at 9:41 AM on March 29

Be warned Galaxy.

Don't fuck with the monkeys.
posted by Bonzai at 9:43 AM on March 29

9/11/24339
nevar forget
posted by kuujjuarapik at 9:53 AM on March 29 [3 favorites]

You should let viewers know that any link they click is likely to send them back to 4chan, which is a place a lot of people don't want to go.

I'm sure that the offended will get over it.
posted by Tullius at 9:54 AM on March 29

4chan is the Gift.
posted by RussHy at 9:58 AM on March 29 [17 favorites]

You should let viewers know that any link they click is likely to send them back to 4chan, which is a place a lot of people don't want to go.

Yeah, there are those who probably want to send a Gift of Mercy to 4chan. But you know what? They may be barbarians over there, but they're outputting some of the best creative work on the net. Maybe there's something about that culture that breeds creativity.
posted by formless at 10:01 AM on March 29

*rears up out of the filth, then spits out an unidentifiable hunk of offal* Who wouldn't want to wallow about in 4chan? *shakes off some odd gibbets clinging to the barbed wire necklace of Barbie doll heads about his neck, then dives back in*
posted by adipocere at 10:21 AM on March 29 [6 favorites]

They may be barbarians over there, but they're outputting some of the best creative work on the net.

I watch 4chan from a distance and users do produce a whole lot of really weirdly cool stuff, sometimes amazing stuff, but a tag is not too much to ask considering everything else 4chan produces.
posted by Science! at 10:22 AM on March 29 [2 favorites]

tagged "4chan"
posted by aheckler at 10:25 AM on March 29

Gonna kick some alien ass! Also, -2 for blatant liberalism.

What?
posted by sourwookie at 10:31 AM on March 29

Little Lost Robot


Nice. A little too much Calling a Rabbit a Smeerp on the units there for my tastes but still pretty awesome.

Reminded me a little of Paul McAuleys Litttle Lost Robot (pdf) (audio).
posted by Artw at 10:38 AM on March 29 [1 favorite]

Excuse the weird cut and paste error there.
posted by Artw at 10:39 AM on March 29

Fuck yeah, writefag.
posted by nanojath at 10:40 AM on March 29 [1 favorite]

Maybe there's something about that culture that breeds creativity.

Misogyny, heterosupremacy and racism? Oh, and trolling other boards or posting up people's personal info? I dunno, Lolcats seems like hope at the bottom of the Pandora's Box that is 4chan- a dummy prize.
posted by yeloson at 10:48 AM on March 29 [1 favorite]

Critique: I think any civilization that was able to build a weapon like "The Gift" would be able to reduce fractions. I also have a problem with Deeli and Deelis and how they relate to time and distance.
posted by Science! at 10:49 AM on March 29

Of course they can reduce fractions. The point of that literary conceit is to show that they have a thing for fours the way Ramans have a thing for threes.

As to Deeli and Deelis and time and distance — at certain scales, they're basically as useful as years and light-years. In general relativity, it's common to do calculations using units such that c is equal to one.
posted by adipocere at 10:53 AM on March 29

Maybe there's something about that culture that breeds creativity.

Misogyny, heterosupremacy and racism?

Of course, when we get all upset about those things here and break out the livejournal bingo cards it's usually to piss over someones creative efforts.
posted by Artw at 10:58 AM on March 29

Critique: To hell with the final entries. They have little to do with the broad epic story of the first entries, and reveal that the author's imagination is running low and is being supplemented by Heinlein's "Starship Troopers" which the author undoubtedly read a year ago.

He states that he's likely ripped off a few Sci Fi works in creating the original epic, fair enough, 4chan is not a book deal, but the later entries and unoriginal theft and don't deserve recognition.
posted by Science! at 11:01 AM on March 29

THIS IS AWESOME!
posted by Baby_Balrog at 11:05 AM on March 29

Artw,

I have no problem with creativity. I don't find anything particularly creative about adding "Fag" to everything or going "Nigger Nigger Nigger" when people say things you don't like.
posted by yeloson at 11:09 AM on March 29

For a moment I thought AIG was issuing an apology.
posted by ZenMasterThis at 11:16 AM on March 29

I've noticed that 'fag' is headed the way of 'geek', though. It's becoming more descriptive than perjorative. Reading the something awful forums, they throw 'fag' around all the time, but I don't sense the slightest bit of homophobia about it, and there seem to be quite a bit of openly gay goons without any stigma attached to them.
posted by empath at 11:29 AM on March 29

4chan is the collective id of the internet. You are part of it. It is a part of yourself. Deny this, and you deny your own nature.
posted by 0xdeadc0de at 11:35 AM on March 29 [5 favorites]

A handful of posts full of turgid, overwrought prose. Okay.

Critique: To hell with the final entries. They have little to do with the broad epic story of the first entries, and reveal that the author's imagination is running low and is being supplemented by Heinlein's "Starship Troopers" which the author undoubtedly read a year ago.

Here's a comment from that board that basically echos what you said:

WEEEEELLL LETS SEE NOW, WE HAVE A STORY THAT WENT FROM BEING A SHORT POIGNANT STORY THAT LEFT YOU SILENTLY NODDING YOUR HEAD ABOUT HUMANITY'S REACTION, TO A STORY THAT WOULD MAKE HEINLEIN JIZZ DOWN HIS LEG ABOUT HOW INVINCIBLE HUMANITY'S WARRIORS ARE AND OUR FOES ARE BARELY INTELLIGENT SLOTH-BUGS WHO WERE COMMITTING SUICIDE IN DROVES IN THE FIRST PART BUT ARE NOW FEEBLY ATTEMPTING TO COMBAT THE RIGHTEOUS FURY OF THE HUMARINES LIKE IT WAS STRAIGHT OUT OF 40K'S PROPOGANDA
posted by delmoi at 11:49 AM on March 29

Nice, I scrolled past the posts without the author's tripcode and didn't catch that post.
posted by Science! at 11:54 AM on March 29

I like the first part, but the second part, eh. Like we have a death wish preventing us from using relativistic weapons or, say, communicating.
posted by Pronoiac at 11:59 AM on March 29

Don't get it. I probably wrote something like this back in Grade 9, like thousands of other kids. Am I missing the point here?
posted by jokeefe at 12:02 PM on March 29

WHAT.
THE.
FUCK.
ORCHESTRATORS?!
posted by Pronoiac at 12:02 PM on March 29 [2 favorites]

it's amazing to me how many people just plain overlook 4chan's main defining feature. 4chan's population is almost exclusively 13-year-old american boys. does it all make more sense now?

I've noticed that 'fag' is headed the way of 'geek', though. It's becoming more descriptive than perjorative. Reading the something awful forums, they throw 'fag' around all the time, but I don't sense the slightest bit of homophobia about it, and there seem to be quite a bit of openly gay goons without any stigma attached to them.

100% wrong. sorry. FAIL.
posted by sexyrobot at 12:10 PM on March 29 [7 favorites]

IT TURNS OUT IT'S MAN

Quoted for accuracy.
posted by DaDaDaDave at 12:12 PM on March 29

TO SERVE A REPRESENTATIVE EXAMPLE OF EACH GENDER, RACE AND SEXUALITY AS THERE IS NO SUCH THING AS NEUTRAL - IT TURNS OUT IT'S A VEGAN COOKBOOK.
posted by Artw at 12:21 PM on March 29

I didn't realize there was a second part at first. I think I'm going to not read it and continue to think that the first part was all of it.
posted by Caduceus at 12:36 PM on March 29 [8 favorites]

The author is merely posting a work and getting reactions from it. He/she went off on a space-marine tangent and got suitably criticized for it. If that makes it unsuitable for the blue, say so instead of using the blanket retort of "4chan is terrible".

It's clear that the author is familiar with how 4chan acts and chose to post there because it's the group he/she wanted a response from. Amazingly, the author may even find comfort in the fact that no one will look down at him/her at 4chan because (surprise, surprise) everyone gets looked down on at 4chan.

As for 4chan being "almost exclusively 13-year-old american boys", somehow I doubt it- they're probably college students. If I may pre-empt the standard response of "Then I weep for our country", I don't see why people can't be both smart and stupid on the Internet. Even our graceful blue is often the recipient of less-than-intelligent conversation- some of it no doubt by yours truly- yet that doesn't make us all 13-year-old american boys.
posted by Maxson at 12:37 PM on March 29

this reminds me of terry bisson's classic piece of flash science fiction: They're Made out of Meat.
posted by bruceo at 12:40 PM on March 29 [4 favorites]

it's amazing to me how many people just plain overlook 4chan's main defining feature. 4chan's population is almost exclusively 13-year-old american boys. does it all make more sense now?

There's this misconception that it's 13-year old american boys, but I don't think that's actually true. It's more likely 18-24 yr. old American boys. Consider Quantcast and Microsoft's adCenter labs.

I understand the desire for diversity and acceptance. But I also wonder if inter-community diversity isn't as important as intra-community diversity. Having a diverse set of groups, even if those groups aren't necessarily diverse themselves, might be healthy.

4chan is full of misogyny, heterosupremacy and racism, which is of course horrible. But attempts to reduce that might also reduce the kind of content produced on the site. And that content, for better or worse, has heavily influenced the language of the Internet.

Your own post ended with FAIL, which I assume was conscious of the source of that meme.
posted by formless at 12:47 PM on March 29 [2 favorites]

I'm not the biggest fan of 4chan but anybody who likes to have a neat computer wallpaper would do well to hit up 4chan's /wg/ board. There's also an archive, with a neat random function that retrieves and displays more images just by your scrolling to the bottom of the page, at this link.

You have to sort through the anime crap but there's some really neat wallpapers there.
posted by Pope Guilty at 2:09 PM on March 29 [2 favorites]

Hum. The initial post isn't badly written, in a sort of classic SF manner. It's a pity he wasted it on 4Chan, when he could have probably gotten it published in Analog. The main thing though, is I'm pretty sure that this scenario, and even the final punch line has been covered any number of times in short stories and novels over the last couple decades.
posted by happyroach at 3:02 PM on March 29

That's why I'm glad it's on 4chan. Anyone who reads Analog (or any other SF magazine or short story collection, really) has read this before, but it'll reach many others this way.

Besides, if the author takes the criticism to heart, he could send it in and get it on both.
posted by Maxson at 3:17 PM on March 29

Like others, I read only the first part, thinking it was the entire thing. It wasn't awful, and I'm going to keep it that way.

Of course they can reduce fractions. The point of that literary conceit is to show that they have a thing for fours the way Ramans have a thing for threes.

Baloney. That doesn't explain any of:

• 6^6
• 2^14
• 6^8
• 10^6
• 2^2
• 10^10
• Another 10^6
• 2/8
• 2/2

In fact, some of those not only do not support your claim, but actually argue against it: 2^2? Why not 4?

2/8? Why not 1/4?

2^14? Why not 4^7?

And really, 2/2? Come now.

The "point of that literary conceit" was nothing more than a cheap hack to make them seem alien.

I hate them (and, having not read the remainder, can only assume that that actually turns out to mean that I hate us) for their mathematics. Forget what they did with their Gift; I fully support wiping them out for their mathematics alone.

Pick a fucking base already, or face the consequences.
posted by Flunkie at 5:34 PM on March 29

Ya'll need to get off your high horses. I read the first part and I was like, Wah! Sweet!
And then I read the second and third parts and I was like, double sweet! I'm pissed I don't get to find out what's in the big tower thing.

Some kind person on the internets gives you free science fiction and you're all like, huh huh i could've written that in ninth grade too, 4chan sucks.

I wish 12-year-old you could see 29-year-old-you now. For shame.
posted by Baby_Balrog at 6:11 PM on March 29 [1 favorite]

There's a little bit of 13-year-old American boy in all of us.

Wait, that didn't come out right.
posted by Ritchie at 6:40 PM on March 29

Reminds me a great deal of Greg Bear's Forge of God, and the sequel, Anvil of Stars.
posted by autodidact at 8:10 PM on March 29

Flunkie, do you live in America?

Because, if you do, you should probably take a look at some of our systems of measurement:

Twelve inches in a foot.
Three feet in a yard.
Seventeen hundred sixty yards in a mile.
Sixteen ounces in a pound.
Twenty-four hours in a day.
Sixty seconds in a minute.
Four quarts in a gallon.
A dozen.
A baker's dozen.
A couple (it's usually two, sometimes people think it means two or three — why the hell do we have a unit for something as small as two? it boggles the mind)

As a literary conceit, it stands, as long as you recognize that our system is even more ridiculous. Pick a base already, indeed.*

* This message brought to you by all 10^2 members of the American Society for Metric Improvement and the number ten.
posted by adipocere at 11:46 PM on March 29

adipocere, my anger at their mathematics was mostly tongue in cheek (which I imagined might be obvious from the fact that I was ostensibly calling for genocide because of it), but your counter doesn't hold up. Yes, we have three feet in a yard. No, we do not refer to distances as being "many threes of feet".

And even if we did refer to distances as "many threes of feet", we wouldn't then also refer to weights as being "many four to the second of ounces". And even if we did that, we certainly wouldn't also refer to volumes as "many two to the fourth of cups".

In any case, my original "Baloney" stands, having had not even an attempt at rebuttal: The assertion that this hack of the author's is to show that they like fours is flatly absurd.

why the hell do we have a unit for something as small as two? it boggles the mind

Two is not a unit; nor, for that matter, are a dozen or a baker's dozen.
posted by Flunkie at 5:50 AM on March 30

I wouldn't have imagined that you were angry. You'd have to be seriously disturbed to be angry at some spun-off fiction dropped in 4chan. I do not think you are seriously disturbed. Correct me if you're at the moment wearing around your torso many severed beef hearts, so that the cardiac rhythm disrupting rays beamed down by the Chinese death-satellites will not be able to properly lock on to your own tender, vulnerable heart and silence you for what you know about their secret pact with the lava demons under their respective tectonic plates; I will mark you as such.

Pairs, couples, dozens are dimensionless units, but they're still units. You see them all the time in physics.

I think we would refer to weights as being "many four to the second of ounces," if we were dealing with primarily astronomical distances, so we might say "many ten to the third of light years." Exponential notation: n x 10^3 light-years. Especially if you are a species who seems very, very concerned about Art, I'd expect a certain florid poetical feel to the final document describing why your entire species is soon to be transformed into a crunchy smear by a greviously-pissed race of cybernetic death-worshipping space baboons.

I agree, though, it seems a little dorky for basic elements to be named that way.
posted by adipocere at 11:50 AM on March 30

I know it's horrible, but I found myself wondering what the one-ton alien crabs tasted like.
posted by stevis at 2:51 PM on March 30

me too!
posted by Baby_Balrog at 3:26 PM on March 30

Some kind person on the internets gives you free science fiction and you're all like, huh huh i could've written that in ninth grade too, 4chan sucks

Sheesh. This is the internet. I can barely move without tripping over a pile of free science fiction. I stand by my previous comment.
posted by jokeefe at 3:35 PM on March 30

Have some Ted Chiang.
posted by Artw at 3:53 PM on March 30