"Mein Penis! It's stuck in the keyhole!!"

April 1, 2009 5:45 AM

On Sunday, Karmanoia, one of Berlin's most interesting underground clubs, closed its doors for the last time. Although not as storied or well-known as Tacheles - also facing tough times - and easy to pass without noticing, Karmanoia had a loyal crowd of oddballs frequenting it, and was notable not just for its pirate-ship-like interior, but also for the full Labyrinth built into its upper portions. The club's funeral took place directly after locking the doors at midnight on Sunday, with an orchestra dressed like skeletons leading a parade to a nearby canal to bury the key in a watery grave.

A few performances to sample what you might come across on any given night in the club, as well as three out of four parts of a live set there by Brass Wood & Wires.

Their pottkasten is (was?) especially great as well, including some great music and hilarious comedy skits in both English and German (sometimes simultaneously!). Post title comes from episode 10 I believe.

posted by mannequito (23 comments total)

I'm seeing some trojan warnings popping up from my antivirus on url http://www.karmanoia.de/, just watch out.
posted by reptile at 6:24 AM on April 1

thanks for the warning reptile ... for what it's worth I had no problems here w/ Linux, but I apologize if I inadvertently cause someone else's machine any trouble
posted by mannequito at 6:32 AM on April 1

Every business should shut down this way, if they have to. It would signal to local people what happens if they chose not to support their local shops and services and give a sense of dignity to the otherwise unseemly affair in recessions of businesses just boarding up, letting the post accumulate and sticking a one page note in the window thanking clients for their custom.
posted by MuffinMan at 6:35 AM on April 1

I can just imagine the landlord on this morning at the Schlüsselübergabe:

Der Schlüssel ist wo!? ...aber ich brauche den Schlüssel! Sonst keine Kaution!
posted by chillmost at 6:48 AM on April 1 [1 favorite]

I've been living nearby for years without knowing it existed. A few weeks ago foxy_hedgehog took me there, but the shows and guided tours to the labyrinth were all fully booked. It was a pretty amazing place, from what I saw.
posted by kolophon at 6:56 AM on April 1

Another April Fool joke?

01/04/2009 15:13:54 HTTP filter file http://www.karmanoia.de/HTML/TrojanClicker.IFrame.NAG trojan -- connection terminated - quarantined
posted by PeterMcDermott at 7:16 AM on April 1

Oh, dear.
posted by pracowity at 7:45 AM on April 1

Well, I have never heard of the Karmanoia Club, but in Berlin the best clubs/parties never have a license. After the wall came down the government in East Berlin basically broke down. There were empty flats, cellars etc. and people opened a bar in it without any permit. The east German police had more important problems than closing down such places. In East Germany, for example, people robbed banks and escaped in BMWs. The Eastern vehicles from the police were much to slow to catch up with western sports cars. Fortunes with "money exchange", citizenships, money laundering and real estate were made. Hence, nobody bothered about illegal clubs. There were Clubs in cellars, in apartments, even in former public toilets in the underground. Each day of the week hat a club that opened only on that day ("Wednesday- club", "Monday - club" etc.). These places were often very hard to find, even if you knew the address. Sometimes you needed to know a password to get in. People just opened clubs in their living-rooms and started selling beer. I remember a club that did not have an entrance. You had to knock on a window, they opened the window, put out a chair and this is how you entered. Once you visited such clubs you would find advertisement for other illegal establishments.
These times are over, but Berlin was the place to be in the beginning of the 90ies. I guess around 96 or 97 the party was over. While Berlin still has an excellent nightlife, it was never the same again. The police tries now to close down such places quickly but a few of such places still exist. The new "Wednesday-Club" AKA Kohlenkeller still exits as far as I know and would be a good place to start.
posted by yoyo_nyc at 7:48 AM on April 1 [1 favorite]

Hey mods - no kidding around. The link - http://www.karmanoia.de/ has full on drive by malware in an iframe. Can we get it off the front page please..
posted by PissOnYourParade at 7:57 AM on April 1 [1 favorite]

shit ... I feel really bad if there's malware in there

mods, if you'd like to change the 'karmanoia' link so the post can stay up, here's an alternate link : http://www.spottedbylocals.com/berlin/area/neukoelln/bars-neukoelln/karmanoia with a very cool review of the place
posted by mannequito at 8:14 AM on April 1

On Sunday, I was sitting in my living room doing some work at 1:30am (insomniacs represent!) when I heard a surprisingly swinging "When The Saints Go Marching In" drifting over the canal. I looked outside and saw a big brass band dressed as skeletons jaunting down the street with a trail of followers behind, yelling and hooting. I shrugged (it's Kreuzberg) and went out and stood on our balcony in the dark, listening to them until they passed by and I couldn't hear them anymore. I've been wondering since what it was about. Godspeed Karmanoia!

yoyo_nyc, "when Berlin was really cool" is like "when music was really cool"; everyone who thinks it's earlier than now is correct, and so is everyone else.
posted by Your Time Machine Sucks at 8:21 AM on April 1

I changed the first link to remove the spyware infected site.
posted by mathowie at 8:26 AM on April 1

I heard Berlin was pretty sweet in the 1920s.
posted by creasy boy at 8:52 AM on April 1

In the 1930s, not so much.
posted by creasy boy at 8:52 AM on April 1 [1 favorite]

These people are an amazing bunch. They also built in a cafe on the first floor of the building that looked like something out of Tolkein- the only way I could describe it would be "avant-garde treehouse encampment." I was so disappointed that the labyrinth was already booked up the night I went with Kolophon, but based on tales from friends who'd made the journey it was apparently quite elaborate, and I had become somewhat convinced that I would become the first-ever guest to get utterly lost, the Polizei would have to be summoned, etc.

I'm sad that they've left a Karmanoia-sized hole in Neukölln, but I hope that something similarly special will rise in its place, somewhere nearby.

yoyo_nyc, "when Berlin was really cool" is like "when music was really cool"; everyone who thinks it's earlier than now is correct, and so is everyone else.

Well said as usual, YTMS. I used to think New York prompted the most egregious examples of this kind of thinking, but then I moved to Berlin. Which, by the way, will be cool next Tuesday.
posted by foxy_hedgehog at 9:06 AM on April 1

Oops, there I go, italicizing my own text. Such is my grief over Karmanoia's demise.
posted by foxy_hedgehog at 9:06 AM on April 1

In the 1930s, not so much.

True, there are certain values of "earlier" for which it is objectively incorrect that Berlin was cooler.

I used to think New York prompted the most egregious examples of this kind of thinking, but then I moved to Berlin. Which, by the way, will be cool next Tuesday.

I'm in favor of the future being cool.
posted by Your Time Machine Sucks at 9:17 AM on April 1

yoyo_nyc: The illegal nightlife is still there. The places are squatted overnight or for a weekend and left when the party is over. Like old factories or open-air locatioins...
To get to them you have to know people or be on an invite-only email-list, directions are given by text messages and such. Not my scene, but if you look for it you can still find it.
posted by kolophon at 9:32 AM on April 1

Wow, Tacheles... I played there once, around 1986 or so. Crazy scene it was.
posted by flapjax at midnite at 9:34 AM on April 1

(sorry to keep replying to my own thread, the other comments were dealing with the malware issue on Karmanoia's site)

foxy_hedgehog - when we were walking up Mainzerstr. that night, we saw this really old man stumbling down the sidewalk and joked that he was probably the first one to ever enter the laybrinth, on the night they opened, and just found his way out now

YTMS - you should have joined! the best was yet to come, when everyone stopped in the middle of Hermannplatz and threw a spontaneous dance party with random people there. Eventually they convinced everyone to lie down while they played jazz tunes, and a Polizei paddywagon showed up right at the end. As they emptied out, everyone started applauding, and they didn't really know what to make of it so they all started smiling and waving.

also, didn't realize there were so many Mefites in Kreuzberg/Neukölln
posted by mannequito at 9:37 AM on April 1

They have a YouTube channel as well. I had heard of it. It's a shame it's disappeared.
posted by Kattullus at 2:27 PM on April 1

I should have! But you all gave me an unforgettably eerie and beautiful experience in the middle of the night with the good music reflecting up off the canal and the (unexplained until now) skeleton shapes carousing in the dark, so thank you, and sorry to hear the club is over.
posted by Your Time Machine Sucks at 2:32 PM on April 1

You know, I bet that Berlin 1945-1950 was cool if you were a little kid at the time, what with all the rubble to play in and the Americans handing out free gum all the time. As long as you were in Kreuzberg. Being stuck in the French or Russian sectors would've been shit.
posted by creasy boy at 1:58 AM on April 2