Funky as Donny and Marie

April 2, 2009 7:38 AM

In 1988, the hip hop came to the Mormons, thanks to The Walter & Hays Band and their Mormon Rap (lyrics video). Though mocked by some, others take it seriously. Annoyed that there's only a version with guys singing? Morgan made a girl version.

Mormons aren't stuck with their one rap song. A missionary returns with rhyme, couples rap, Tongans rap. Try some Spanish reggaeton, free-styling Mormons, a scripted "free-style", or this lively bunch.

(This post inspired by tkchrist).

posted by filthy light thief (27 comments total)

This the hip hop, is it anything like the internets?
posted by mannequito at 7:43 AM on April 2

What happens when you combine saggy pants and Mormon underwear?
posted by Inspector.Gadget at 7:47 AM on April 2 [1 favorite has favorites]

My name is Warren J and I'm a P.I.M.P.
I've got more kids than Angelina Jolie...
posted by PeterMcDermott at 7:49 AM on April 2 [3 favorites has favorites]

Best of the web? This is total crap.....magic underpants and all that jazz.
posted by GavinR at 8:05 AM on April 2

I've seen it all.

*jumps off cliff*
posted by 5imian at 8:08 AM on April 2

Remember back in the days,
When the Osmonds ruled the airwaves,
Donnie and Marie rocked out, believe me,
Crazy Horses, Mormon's weren't cautious,
Hangin' at the tabernacle,
Smokin' crack an' gettin' wack'll
Makes you believe some shit
That you would otherwise think is deranged,
Things done changed.

Turn your pagers back to 1983,
Mormons is gettin' coked, believe me
Kidnapped in bars, and driven round in cars,
By beauty queens,
Who'd been having some obscene dreams
About what they would do,
When the Superman suit finally wore on through,
And the goodies inside,
Miraculously took them for a ride.
Well if the prophecies were wack
Then the stuff that happened then was awfully Goddammed strange,
Things done changed.

Wanna make a big shout out to all my homiez in Salt Lake City. Keep the faith, guys, Remember, when judgement day finally comes, we'll have more bitches in heaven that the muslims. We'll be totally pimpin. Yeah, right.

And you sucker MC's who think you've got better flow, just because you're black? Well, you suckers are bearing the Mark of Cain. The competition is barred to you.

Peace out.
posted by PeterMcDermott at 8:10 AM on April 2

Just shoot me.



You know what they say about "Christian Rock?" It ruins both rock and Christianity.

Mormon "rap" makes me want to down a fistful of handlebars with a bottle of Patron.
posted by Tena at 8:32 AM on April 2 [1 favorite has favorites]

Morgan's pouty look, which she repeats a good dozen times in that short video, somehow kills a part of me.
posted by piratebowling at 8:35 AM on April 2

"We'll be totally pimpin. Yeah, right.":

Enjoy yourselves. According to the Dante Quiz, I am spending eternity on the 2d level of hell with the rest of the Lustful.

Tupac is holding down my table and they don't sleep in hell.

:)
posted by Tena at 8:37 AM on April 2

Those Mormon Rap Video sets are wild...
posted by rageagainsttherobots at 8:56 AM on April 2

I was going to post this yesterday, but that didn't happen. But I couldn't let my misery pass alone, so here we are. I'll try to make it up to y'all somehow, maybe with a nice icecream social and rootbeer floats.
posted by filthy light thief at 9:16 AM on April 2

Morgan's pouty look, which she repeats a good dozen times in that short video, somehow kills a part of me.

There's actually a lot of things wrong with that video. A hell of a lot. I'm gonna go with the fact that they actually close-captioned the wikki-wikki fake turntable sound she was making as my main complaint.
posted by mannequito at 9:22 AM on April 2

Great... when I can't sleep tonight because of that song will be on repeat inside my brainpan. Thanks.
posted by echolalia67 at 9:24 AM on April 2

This is why I hate RAP
and Mormans
posted by HuronBob at 9:36 AM on April 2

erm, I think video you linked as "mocking" is not actually a mock.

my brain is now permanently scarred, there needs to be an "unerasable" tag to warn people who might want to live the rest of their lives without seeing videos like these :-)
posted by sineater at 9:47 AM on April 2

"This is why I hate RAP"

dude, that is not rap.

Haters just don't understand the art form, in my opinion. I didn't listen to hip hop until I got an iPod - my own music source that my husband has no control over. Once I started listening, it reached down and grabbed the very core of me. It's all I listen to. I can't listen to white boys whining anymore - I've listened to 40 years of it. I'm a white woman in my fifties - and there is nothing I don't know about hip hop now.

Hip hop is world wide and if you hate it, you haven't listened to it.
posted by Tena at 10:01 AM on April 2 [3 favorites has favorites]

I would find it difficult to cleave unto Morgan. Besides that painful lip problem, she spelled gospel gosple. Is she even a real Mormon?

(By the way, what's going on at about 0:39 in her video? Did the Mormons clone Jesus?)
posted by pracowity at 10:16 AM on April 2

I stopped watching the Morgan one halfway through. It was too painful.

I am not going to trepan myself and pour in some bleach.
posted by double block and bleed at 10:35 AM on April 2

s/not/now
posted by double block and bleed at 10:36 AM on April 2

If you're looking to blame someone, may I offer tkchrist? He uttered (well, wrote) "Are there any Mormon rappers? Because I smell H-I-T!"

I, being an inquisitive chap, had to search. And find. Then share.
posted by filthy light thief at 10:37 AM on April 2

This is as much hip-hop as The Rappin' Duke and Casper's Groovy Ghost Show, both products of the 1980s when Rap first saw public success, leading to "kid-friendly" gimmicks.

If you're looking for a world of good hip-hop, check this AskMe thread.
posted by filthy light thief at 10:45 AM on April 2

"Mormon Rap" is an ongoing and recurring joke reference among all of my Mormon musician friends who grew up in the 80s. So, welcome to my in-joke world.
posted by The World Famous at 11:19 AM on April 2 [1 favorite has favorites]

Remember back in the days,
When the Osmonds ruled the airwaves,
Donnie and Marie rocked out, believe me,

Did we just get a Mormon-themed rap to the tune of an MC Chris song?! This must be what an aneurysm feel like...
posted by Avelwood at 12:32 PM on April 2

That original mormon rap is hilarious. It's also clear that the rapper is in on the joke, but he sells it with conviction. I expected not to last more than 30 seconds but I actually watched it all the way through. It may help that both mormons I've known well were both fun guys (though both were on the outskirts of mormon society... one was geeky enough to organize large-scale LARPs and was the son of an American fugitive who ended up in Iceland and the other was big into heavy metal and was estranged from his family).
posted by Kattullus at 4:16 PM on April 2

I really, REALLY wish my friends had put their Mighty Mormon Power Rangers video on youtube. An epic saga chronicling the suburban turf war between Mormons and the "Jay-Dubs" (Jehovah's Witnesses) ... amazing.
posted by starfyr at 11:30 PM on April 2

why do all these mormon rappers have to tell us 'they have something to say' or 'i'm here to say'?
posted by lester at 12:28 PM on April 3

why do all these mormon rappers have to tell us 'they have something to say' or 'i'm here to say'?

Because they learned to rap by watching Barney Rubble in the Fruity Pebbles commercial.
posted by The World Famous at 1:45 PM on April 3