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But can they be taught to kill on command?
April 2, 2009 11:03 AM   Subscribe


 
My thought process clicking on the first link was "there is a 50/50 chance this is not what I think it is."
posted by Smarson at 11:09 AM on April 2, 2009


Sure they're cute... until they try to tear your face off.
posted by Floydd at 11:10 AM on April 2, 2009 [1 favorite]


I read "Here's one with a banana!" as "Here's one in a bandana!"
I was severely disappointed.
posted by phunniemee at 11:11 AM on April 2, 2009 [2 favorites]


The last picture makes me realize they have spooky spider fingers. They are much less appealing now.

In the days of pogs, my friend's dad made her pogs from pictures of pygmy marmosets and other cute little things, because he couldn't understand why you'd actually want to buy cardboard circles when you could make them? For some reason, home-made pogs didn't have the same appeal as store-bought pogs to most kids.
posted by filthy light thief at 11:12 AM on April 2, 2009


Oh, no. Some zoo person brought these on Captain Kangaroo when I was a kid. Something about the ancient, knowing and displeased look on their faces made me run screaming from the room. I just knew they'd be visiting me in my dreams sometime soon, clinging to my ear and telling me why they were so displeased, and what they were going to do about it. I was a lot older when Return of the Jedi came out, but when the Ewoks showed up, I flinched just the same.
DO NOT WANT.
posted by Bernt Pancreas at 11:13 AM on April 2, 2009 [4 favorites]


Why the shit are people still selling primates as pets?
posted by kldickson at 11:14 AM on April 2, 2009 [4 favorites]


kldickson - my thoughts exactly. My amusement at the tiny primates immediately evaporated the second I saw the endless list of shit like "princess3987690 at STUPIDcom plz eml where u get dis i want so badd"

Humans suck.
posted by caution live frogs at 11:18 AM on April 2, 2009 [2 favorites]




While in Peru, I saw that the children would keep these as pets, tethered to strings at their waist.
posted by Baby_Balrog at 11:20 AM on April 2, 2009


My amusement at the tiny primates immediately evaporated the second I saw the endless list of shit like "princess3987690 at STUPIDcom plz eml where u get dis i want so badd"

Because certainly princess3987690@stupid.com intends to seek and acquire one.
posted by baphomet at 11:22 AM on April 2, 2009


The world's smallest primate is pygmy mouse lemur. I can't find the blog of the guy who had one as a pet.
posted by StickyCarpet at 11:24 AM on April 2, 2009


But how do they taste?
posted by Astro Zombie at 11:31 AM on April 2, 2009 [1 favorite]


Pygmy Marmosets For Sale
Pygmy Marmosets are so cute, everyone wants to have one as a pet. Be weary that they are very hard to keep and require constant attention, as much as a human child. If you would like to purchase one then click here, more information on breeders and babies can be found here and here.


Ridiculous. A lifetime commitment that needs attention like a child - CLICK HERE TO BUY NOW!!

Fuck off.
posted by Meatbomb at 11:33 AM on April 2, 2009


I also was coming in her to say that they are very snack-sized.
posted by Burhanistan at 11:33 AM on April 2, 2009


But how do they taste?

Kinda like opossum. Not bad with red pop. I'm hunting them in the vacant lot across the street this afternoon.
posted by Pater Aletheias at 11:34 AM on April 2, 2009 [4 favorites]


"Because certainly princess3987690@stupid.com intends to seek and acquire one."

That appears to be the kneejerk reaction, yes. The fact that most of the comments were from people squealing and asking "where do I buy one?" just disgusted me. Just because it is small and you find it cute does NOT mean it is a good pet nor that you would actually be able to care for one.

Also, the spelling alone is enough to horrify me. I am easily disgusted and horrified, it seems.
posted by caution live frogs at 11:36 AM on April 2, 2009


See also.
posted by dersins at 11:37 AM on April 2, 2009


In captivity, the Pygmy Marmoset can live up to 11 years and are sometimes sold as pets. If an individual is take from a family, it can die from depression or suicide.
posted by CunningLinguist at 11:45 AM on April 2, 2009 [1 favorite]


Dammit dersins, sorry, my searches didn't catch that. I probably need to buckle down on my search-fu. Thanks for including the link!
posted by baphomet at 11:45 AM on April 2, 2009


Oh, I didn't mean to imply it was some sort of double-- I just thought people who were interested in the one might be interested in the other.
posted by dersins at 11:49 AM on April 2, 2009


They are too small to teach to smoke, or drive my car, therefore they are of no use as pets. Now a trained army of them.. I would be unstoppable!
posted by tj at 11:49 AM on April 2, 2009


Now a trained army of them.. I would be unstoppable! killed and eaten by your own hungry army of finger monkeys!
posted by nicwolff at 11:54 AM on April 2, 2009


caution live frogs - let alone the fact that anyone who feels like they have to act like a 15-year-old with a double-digit IQ and near-unreadable spelling on the Internet should not ever be even allowed to get NEAR one of those things, for fear that they'd probably smother it to death.

If they want one of those, maybe, just maybe, they should try keeping one of those annoying little sugar glider things first. I hear they're loud, they're noisy, they need attention, and they smell really bad.

Shit, I hate people who have dependents, whether they be children or non-human animals, that they don't have the maturity to take care of correctly.
posted by kldickson at 11:55 AM on April 2, 2009


Just make sure you tell the kids these are finger monkeys, not finger puppets.

Poor little monkeys would get all upset.
posted by orme at 11:56 AM on April 2, 2009 [1 favorite]


This post needs moar video.
posted by mullingitover at 12:07 PM on April 2, 2009 [3 favorites]


nicwolff: I dunno- my last army of monkeys didn't go so bad :D But if I have to go out, "killed and eaten by tiny monkeys" at least sounds more original than 'heart attack'
posted by tj at 12:12 PM on April 2, 2009


Be weary that they are very hard to keep and require constant attention

I am so weary of people who don't know that the word is wary! Wary Wary Wary Wary! Get it!? Geez, and it's not even the correct word to use in the sentence. ARG!
posted by The Light Fantastic at 12:13 PM on April 2, 2009 [1 favorite]


When I saw some of these up close, I was struck by the almost birdlike movements of their necks and heads–the quick darting motions that the human visual apparatus doesn't have the framerate to render properly remind me of finches or other small avians. Also, their fur looks green up close. These things look like the prototype for just about every adorably weird Dr. Seuss illustration ever.
posted by Mister_A at 12:28 PM on April 2, 2009


Ridiculous. A lifetime commitment that needs attention like a child - CLICK HERE TO BUY NOW!!

Fuck off.


Vince Lewis, whoever he might be, holds an opposing viewpoint:

"Pygmy Mouse Lemurs are a protected and endangered species and hunting them is illegal, but as with the Marmosets this is rarely enforced and these little tiny monkeys still end up getting captured for sale within the pet trade. It's true that these little animals welfare is probably better when kept as a pet, getting food, warmth and shelter everyday with no fear of being eaten alive by predators. It just has to be assured that they are not all taken from their natural habitat like the Panda almost was.

In a strange way, keeping these animals as pets can ensure their survival. As their habitat is slowly getting destroyed, so are the animals also getting destroyed. It is then only the animals in the Zoo's and as pets in peoples homes that will actually survive."

posted by StickyCarpet at 12:33 PM on April 2, 2009




WANT.

(Except, well, I can see Spike and Giles, our cats, saying the same thing. So, no. Besides, I already have one demanding, toddler-like pet, and the dachshund would not be down with monkey-like friends riding her around the house...)
posted by bitter-girl.com at 12:43 PM on April 2, 2009


My thought process clicking on the first link was "there is a 50/50 chance this is not what I think it is."

God damnit monkey, I said enough with the fingers already!
posted by Pollomacho at 12:48 PM on April 2, 2009


This may have been what I saw once at the DC zoo! Well, a pygmy marmoset or a rat. I like to prefer to think of it as a pygmy marmoset. In fact - this new brand of denial could make city dwelling significantly more exciting.
posted by greekphilosophy at 12:52 PM on April 2, 2009


Hello, yes. I would like to purchase 17 of your finger monkeys to live on various regions of my body, in little tents, and clean me with tiny brushes. Also, on command, they should assemble into a sort of monkey-Voltron thing. Thank you.
posted by Kafkaesque at 1:15 PM on April 2, 2009 [8 favorites]


Sure, they look cute in the ads. But when you finally receive them in the mailbox 4 weeks later, you will find that they nothing more than common brine shrimp.
posted by cazoo at 1:15 PM on April 2, 2009 [8 favorites]


Finger monkey.
posted by mazola at 1:16 PM on April 2, 2009 [1 favorite]


The Dude: What are you, a fucking park ranger now?
Walter: No, I'm...
The Dude: Who gives a shit about the fucking marmosets!
posted by Joey Michaels at 1:23 PM on April 2, 2009


Are you so sure those are tiny monkeys? Maybe those people just have really big fingers.
posted by vronsky at 1:24 PM on April 2, 2009 [1 favorite]


Here's one with a banana!

Gosh, that one's little face is just lit right up! But then, if I had climable food, or a sandwich big enough sit on, I reckon I might be pudding-pleased too.
posted by Sova at 1:29 PM on April 2, 2009 [3 favorites]


So wikipedia quotes from the made-for-Adsense Pygmy Marmoset site. Best, yet worst, encyclopedia ever.
posted by snofoam at 1:34 PM on April 2, 2009


Gosh, that one's little face is just lit right up! But then, if I had climable food, or a sandwich big enough sit on, I reckon I might be pudding-pleased too.

You've just brought back a whole host of gradeschool fantasies inspired by James and the Giant Peach.
posted by Durn Bronzefist at 2:41 PM on April 2, 2009


The Marmoset Song
posted by homunculus at 2:48 PM on April 2, 2009 [2 favorites]


This post needs my all time favorite marmoset video: the time one pissed on Johnny Carson's head.
posted by jamaro at 3:39 PM on April 2, 2009 [8 favorites]


jamaro, sir: YOU HAVE WON THE INTERNETS.
posted by By The Grace of God at 3:48 PM on April 2, 2009 [1 favorite]


I misread this as "flinger monkeys" and was hoping for some good shit throwing content.
posted by Bango Skank at 4:27 PM on April 2, 2009


I would be afraid that it would crawl inside me.
posted by malocchio at 5:36 PM on April 2, 2009


I've been eatin' those little guys like popcorn.
posted by DU at 6:13 PM on April 2, 2009


Awww, too sweet!
posted by zinfandel at 8:02 PM on April 2, 2009


There was a long period of my youth when, asked what my favorite animal was, I could respong with "pygmy marmoset" as quickly as if I'd been asked my own name (which is also, strangely, Pygmy Marmoset.) Those days might be recurring now.
posted by Navelgazer at 8:23 PM on April 2, 2009




Very cute. They also throw tiny poops at you when they're angry. Awwww....
posted by starfyr at 11:08 PM on April 2, 2009


mazola: please don't call great apes "monkeys". It's a racial slur to us all.
posted by Goofyy at 11:36 PM on April 2, 2009


Mister_A, Thank you! That hit the spot.
posted by The Light Fantastic at 2:05 AM on April 3, 2009


Pygmy Marmoset Moon
posted by jammy at 9:31 AM on April 3, 2009


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