Downward Facing Dog. No, Seriously -- Dog

April 9, 2009 1:22 PM

This was fake. This is not. “Peanuts, my retired racer greyhound, didn’t participate at all. Instead, I did downward-facing dog while he ate the most treats he’s ever had in a 60-minute period.”
posted by Cool Papa Bell (62 comments total)

Jesus, I hate white people.
posted by Mayor Curley at 1:27 PM on April 9, 2009 [17 favorites]

I preferred How To Massage Your Cat.
posted by GuyZero at 1:28 PM on April 9, 2009

This was fake. This is not.

Not that I necessarily think something this idiotic must be fake, but the Times does have a history of publishing articles about retarded social phenomena that turn out to be fake, so I'm kind of withholding judgement pending an Editors' Correction.
posted by dersins at 1:30 PM on April 9, 2009

Oh man. We have this comprehensive massage technique book with a chapter on pet massage. The most awesome pictures ever are from the cat section. One is captioned: "Many cats may be reluctant to osteopathy..."

So now whenever we mess with our cats we loudly beseech of them "WHY are you so RELUCTANT!!!"
posted by odinsdream at 1:31 PM on April 9, 2009 [2 favorites]

Does anybody read the comments down here?
posted by Astro Zombie at 1:31 PM on April 9, 2009 [1 favorite]

See also.
posted by Halloween Jack at 1:33 PM on April 9, 2009

Does anybody read the comments down here?

It's hard when you are upside down with a dog being massaged on your belly, almost as hard as when you are trying to wedge your cat into a scanner.
posted by caddis at 1:36 PM on April 9, 2009 [3 favorites]

This seems to be a stunning example of the world gone awry.
posted by ND¢ at 1:36 PM on April 9, 2009 [1 favorite]

Doga runs the risk of trivializing yoga by turning a 2,500-year-old practice into a fad.

I don't think it's a risk; it's more of a certainty.
posted by bonehead at 1:37 PM on April 9, 2009 [3 favorites]

Did anyone else read the excerpt and expect this to be very NSFW?
posted by GilloD at 1:41 PM on April 9, 2009 [6 favorites]

Seder Fare for Pets That Keep Kosher
posted by Joe Beese at 1:41 PM on April 9, 2009

I don't think it's a risk; it's more of a certainty.

Yes, lord know it isn't a ridiculous mass-marketed fad for wheatgrass-chugging types already.
posted by Inspector.Gadget at 1:42 PM on April 9, 2009 [1 favorite]

My first thought is that most of these women probably have sex with their dog. But, , I guess it's not that weird to want to take your dog to something that might be stressful, such as bending your creaky old body into weird shapes while holding in a massive fart. If you bring your dog, you can blame the fart on him.
posted by stavrogin at 1:42 PM on April 9, 2009 [2 favorites]

I recognize my customers in that article.
posted by vito90 at 1:46 PM on April 9, 2009 [1 favorite]

Damn, I wish we still had the image tag.
posted by MrMoonPie at 1:47 PM on April 9, 2009

There are people who abuse and torture animals. Last night I saw a headline that I dared not click on and it still caused a couple hours of sleeplessness. So my sense of outrage that some people might want to do something reasonably fun with their pets is dimmed somewhat.
posted by sageleaf at 1:47 PM on April 9, 2009 [2 favorites]

Kristyn

Oh fuck make it STOP!!!!! AIEEEE!!!!!!!!!
posted by KevinSkomsvold at 1:49 PM on April 9, 2009

LOLZYOGA
posted by Blazecock Pileon at 1:55 PM on April 9, 2009

"runs the risk of trivializing yoga by turning a 2,500-year-old practice into a fad"

I've got news for her. Enjoying the company of dogs is a practice even older than that.
posted by Joe Beese at 1:59 PM on April 9, 2009 [1 favorite]

I've got news for her. Enjoying the company of dogs is a practice even older than that.


I thought I read somewhere once that dogs were actually originally domesticated for yoga-like purposes of relaxation and stretching. There are cave paintings or something... I'll have to google to see if I can find images. So I think these people are just reclaiming an ancient practice.
posted by not that girl at 2:05 PM on April 9, 2009

I really wish people on this channel would respect what these people are trying to do. The continued practice of any spiritual discipline is integral to a balanced perspective. At a time when there is so much distraction and worry in so many people's lives, I think doing yoga with your pet is a sane response.

When I made the decision to take little Dharma (that's my chihuahua) out of the New England Small Dog Society (there is evidently quite a hawk problem in these parts), I was casting about for a suitable alternative for us in the community.

When I went to my first dogic session, it was like my practice had entered a whole new level. And little Dharma is now expecting her first litter by her new playmate and spiritual partner, a mini pinscher named Karma!

Dharma and Karma! How cute is that?
posted by Lipstick Thespian at 2:07 PM on April 9, 2009 [3 favorites]

I'm all for human-pet bonding, but taking your dog to yoga with you? That's a bit of a stretch.
posted by googly at 2:18 PM on April 9, 2009 [1 favorite]

The look of utter concern on that dog's face really set the tone of that article for me.
posted by six-or-six-thirty at 2:19 PM on April 9, 2009 [3 favorites]

I think the look on that dog's face in the pic at the top of the article says it all. It says "WTF...I can already lick my balls, how much more limber do I need to be, motherfuckers??? Leave me alone!"
posted by spicynuts at 2:23 PM on April 9, 2009 [1 favorite]

I'll tell you what's real, it's called the "kitty gun".

You take a placid cat. Grab its chest with one hand (ideally, this should make its front two legs stick straight forward, but this isn't absolutely necessary) and its back two feet with your other. Then you run around the house holding it like a rifle going "pew pew pew" at your spouse, other cats, dogs, TV, whatever.

Doing this will provide you with absolutely none of the benefits of yoga, but it will make everyone in your house wonder what the hell is wrong with you, and sometimes, that's reason enough.
posted by quin at 2:26 PM on April 9, 2009 [27 favorites]

It says "WTF...I can already lick my balls, how much more limber do I need to be, motherfuckers??? Leave me alone!"
posted by spicynuts

This is by far my favorite part of this thread.
posted by Skot at 2:28 PM on April 9, 2009 [2 favorites]

Lipstick Thespian, stop being so damn dogmatic!
posted by milarepa at 2:29 PM on April 9, 2009

This sort of reminds me of Read to a Dog programs. As I understand it, Read to a Dog was roundly mocked when it first started up in Multnomah county, but it's now got a proven track record, and it's been very helpful for scads of struggling, beginning readers.

The pooch yoga thing-- well, sure, it sounds goofy, but if it works for these folks/dogs as a way of getting in a bit of exercise, relaxation, and bonding, then I'm all for it. I mean seriously-- it's not like these folks are insisting on dragging great, slobbering mastiffs into otherwise pet-free drishti sessions.
posted by palmcorder_yajna at 2:30 PM on April 9, 2009 [1 favorite]

RICH PPL R STUPID AMIRITE?
posted by not_on_display at 2:33 PM on April 9, 2009

I have a vizsla, so I was very happy to see the advanced yoga practiced by vizsla people. I think even I could do that.
posted by mr_crash_davis mark II: Jazz Odyssey at 2:34 PM on April 9, 2009

I'm trying picture lifting the front legs of my 150 pound Great Dane, who weighs more that I do and can't even scratch his own ears with falling over, so that he can do the "upward-paws" pose. Somehow I just don't think we'd be successful.
posted by cbp at 2:35 PM on April 9, 2009

Huuuummans are zupid!
posted by homodigitalis at 2:39 PM on April 9, 2009

I see your doga and I raise you boga. (Warning: eventual boobs.)
posted by Anything at 2:46 PM on April 9, 2009

I really wish people on this channel would respect what these people are trying to do.

BUT ... this ... is ... Metafilter ... ?


SPAR-TA!!!!!
posted by Cool Papa Bell at 2:49 PM on April 9, 2009 [2 favorites]

I love the expression on that dog's face in the first picture. If I could summarize a "WtF" expression, this dog's would be it.
posted by spiderskull at 3:02 PM on April 9, 2009

Jesus, I hate white people.

That's just too bad.

**rips off your culture, oppresses you some more.**
posted by longsleeves at 3:18 PM on April 9, 2009 [2 favorites]

I worked (very) briefly at an Amazon.com distribution center in the mid 90's. There was a book that would come through with inexplicable regularity called 'Dancing with Cats'. It came to be a running joke among the people that worked there, mostly because it was a really, really stupid idea coupled with lovely photography and earnestly energetic models. I always wondered how many of the models came away from the creation of that book with permanent cat-scratch scars.

The confluence of hippies and money is always ridiculous.
posted by Pecinpah at 3:30 PM on April 9, 2009

I kept thinking this sounded familiar, then I remembered-- I blogged about this January 26, 2005. I won't link to my blog but here is the opening paragraph:

If you missed last week's issue of Life Magazine, they did an article on the different kinds of Yoga sweeping the nation: Yoga and Flamenco Dance (Yomenco), Yoga and Pilates (Yogilates), and Yoga and Bondage (Yoghurt). Ok, I made that last one up.

One Yoga twist featured was Ruff Yoga as taught in "eight major cities."

posted by Secret Life of Gravy at 3:48 PM on April 9, 2009

This post has made me happy because it means the recession can't be that bad if people can still afford to do this.
posted by tommasz at 4:00 PM on April 9, 2009

Articles such as this are the reason I immediately remove the Style section from my NYT
posted by leading question at 4:51 PM on April 9, 2009

If you bring your dog, you can blame the fart on him.

"Rover! Get away from that asshole before he shits on ya!"
posted by Halloween Jack at 4:55 PM on April 9, 2009 [1 favorite]

I dunno, I'm still with spicynuts FTW
posted by fistynuts at 4:57 PM on April 9, 2009

I'll tell you what's real, it's called the "kitty gun".

At our house, we practice the "kitty bouquet." This is when you gather all the cats legs together like flower stems and present her to somebody.

She loves it! She told me so.
posted by zinfandel at 5:56 PM on April 9, 2009 [1 favorite]

I think it's pretty common among serious yoga practitioners with house dogs to experience their pooches taking an unusual interest in what they are doing, but this is just stupid. Why not do the Atkins Diet with your dog as well?
posted by mrmojoflying at 6:19 PM on April 9, 2009

I saw this live in a park in the bay area a year ago. It was better than seeing real dirty hippie deadheads in Bolinas.

We saw a sign that said "DOGA at 12:30" in earnest, plaintive marker as we walked by. "What the hell is DOGA? Some kind of dog yoga?" I ventured. My gf groaned at my dumb joke and we went on our way to lunch.

12:40 we're walking back past the park and spot a mess of yoga mats and rich white women sprawled out, trying to force the front paws of their dogs forward. "It's real!" I whispered, as if I had seen Yuppie Claus. As we walk by trying not to crack up, a chihuahua starts yapping at us while her owner tries to look serious and spiritual.

A mastiff starts barking at the yelping chihuahua and all hell breaks loose from this point on. Genteel housewives in pretzel shapes have to spring into Warrior position to tackle Mufkins and Puddles before full canine warfare breaks out. Saliva was flying past bared teeth as lululemon tops were dragged across the grass. The Doga instructor's eyes were bugging out of her head and she appeared to be attempting yogic flying as her arms frantically fanned towards the crowd to maintain calm. The collision of nonsense exercise philosophy with creatures that live only to eat and shit had left a swath of sweaty, unsettled matrons strewn across the park.

Cheap, free entertainment fueled by blissed out escapists. What's not to like?
posted by benzenedream at 6:19 PM on April 9, 2009 [7 favorites]

Next kink: FLOGA

Being whipped while contorting into painful positions.
posted by bwg at 6:48 PM on April 9, 2009

Dancing With Your Dog
posted by fshgrl at 6:52 PM on April 9, 2009

This is dancing with your dog.

the ending still makes me cry...
posted by Joe Beese at 6:57 PM on April 9, 2009

I can't practice yoga when I visit my mom because her cats incessantly attack my hair. Maybe they'd stay away if there were a dog on me.
posted by chiraena at 8:42 PM on April 9, 2009

Yoga with Hayward and cat
posted by homunculus at 9:03 PM on April 9, 2009

Then you run around the house holding it like a rifle going "pew pew pew" at your spouse, other cats, dogs, TV, whatever.

No no, you're supposed to swoop the cat around making "whoosh" noises so they can be supercat.
posted by shelleycat at 10:28 PM on April 9, 2009 [1 favorite]

Obviously, Hayward doesn't know that one should spend 30 minutes playing with the cat, then feed the cat, thereby buying oneself about 30 minutes of cat-free yoga. I know this personally, because I have three cats, and they love nothing more than to do yoga "with" me.

At least my cats are willing participants. These dogs don't look at all that excited about the yoga aspect of it all.

I wonder what happens when I finally achieve the ability to concentrate well enough to ignore a combined total of 40+ pounds of cats walking and crawling on me while holding a pose?
posted by Orb at 10:43 PM on April 9, 2009

I thought I read somewhere once that dogs were actually originally domesticated for yoga-like purposes of relaxation and stretching. There are cave paintings or something...

not that girl, you've managed to slip right past Naive and Gullible, busy at their game of whist, whilst seeking enlightenment amongst the hallowed tomes of Uncyclopedia.
posted by IAmBroom at 11:59 PM on April 9, 2009

I'll tell you what's real, it's called the "kitty gun".

You take a placid cat. Grab its chest with one hand (ideally, this should make its front two legs stick straight forward, but this isn't absolutely necessary) and its back two feet with your other. Then you run around the house holding it like a rifle going "pew pew pew" at your spouse, other cats, dogs, TV, whatever.

I was so sure my wife made this up. It seems that the kitty gun is not only real, but also pervasive.
posted by Netzapper at 4:25 AM on April 10, 2009

I was so sure my wife made this up. It seems that the kitty gun is not only real, but also pervasive.

I do this with my 21 month-old daughter. The alternative is to hold one leg out and strum her belly as I do my best rendition of "Dueling Banjos."
posted by mrmojoflying at 6:24 AM on April 10, 2009

At our house, we practice the "kitty bouquet." This is when you gather all the cats legs together like flower stems and present her to somebody.

No no, you're supposed to swoop the cat around making "whoosh" noises so they can be supercat.

It seems that the kitty gun is not only real, but also pervasive.

I practice all three of the above. Cats have nice flexible bodies that you can contort into all kinds of neat shapes.
posted by nikitabot at 6:35 AM on April 10, 2009

I have a 20 pound cat who turns fiercely stubborn in the face of indignity yet I am eagerly looking forward to trying out all of these new tricks at some point. Preferably while wearing the same kind of leather arm guards a falconer wears.

Our favorite game* is Kitty Burrito, where you simply roll the cat up in a blanket and tote it around saying things like "THIS KITTY BURRITO NEEDS GUACAMOLE! WHERE IS THE GUACAMOLE?" The odd/sad thing about all this is that it came about well before lolcats.

*My favorite game. His favorite game involves creative ways to wake me up at 3 am. Bonus points for using small dead animals or plastic bags.
posted by Spatch at 6:54 AM on April 10, 2009 [1 favorite]

This thread inspired me to dig through my posting history just to see what kind of awful things I've admitted to doing to my cats;

Kitty burrito

Space kitty

Orbital kitty

Sacrificing kitty to the ceiling gods

Imprisoned kitty

Kitty dancing

I really am some kind of monster.
posted by quin at 7:42 AM on April 10, 2009

I turn my fat girl cat into the flying space ship thing from that shit awful Tom Cruise remake of War of the Worlds by picking her up in the kitty gun position and then dangling her as she is all stretched out and slowly zooming her towards someone (usually the dog or her brother or my kid) and go "WHOOOOOOOOOOMWHOOOOOOOOMWHOOOOOOOM".
posted by Divine_Wino at 8:01 AM on April 10, 2009

I do yoga. I have a dog. Occasionally, these two things mix, although I really wish they didn't.

1. Child's Pose is not a play-bow, which means it is not an invitation for the dog to bash me over the head with a stuffed fish that squeaks. She tries. Oh, how she tries.

2. There is not a pose called Plank Plus Hiding Dog. That means I do not need the dog to belly-crawl under me like a soldier.

3. When I am doing anything that involves a leg extended behind me, the dog thinks that this is a funny new game where she's supposed to push the leg back to the ground. Sometimes I fall over; sometimes she gets kicked. Sometimes she gets kicked while I'm falling over.

Clearly, I've been doing it all wrong. Please direct me to the nearest crazy people so that I may stop working on my own muscles and start making my dog walk on her hind legs.

(On the other hand, I'd own the class at Tree and Lumberjack. If you can hold your balance when a Boxer delivers a bodycheck to your knee.....)
posted by cmyk at 12:00 PM on April 10, 2009

I am tall. My cat is not. I even out this small evolutionary injustice by taking her on guided tours of places she can't visit on her own, like holding her up to the ceiling light fixtures, tops of the book shelves, tops of the turned-off ceiling fan, the cobwebs in the corners of the bathroom and other high up places.

She usually paws at things a bit, sniffs around, and generally really seems to enjoy it.
posted by ga$money at 1:01 PM on April 10, 2009 [2 favorites]

I could have sworn I remember, from 2000 or thereabouts, a Lynda Barry strip about Dog Yoga.

But I can't find it. Salon turned up Dog Astrology and Dog Bingo, but no yoga. Now I'm wondering whether I hallucinated it.
posted by tangerine at 2:03 PM on April 10, 2009