The latest craze in adult dating.

April 10, 2009 4:45 PM

Conjugal Harmony: "Normally you wouldn't think an arsonist would be good at sex. Boy was I ever wrong!" [slightly NSFW]
posted by desjardins (44 comments total)

I try not to be too picky, but the truth is I draw the line at dating a girl named Fisty who's been convicted of rape twice.
posted by mannequito at 4:51 PM on April 10 [1 favorite]

No. fucking. way.

Also: why wouldn't arsonists be "good at sex"? It's a very passionate (I daresay sexualized) hangup.
posted by flippant at 4:51 PM on April 10

Is this left over from April 1st? Reading it is pretty funny, but I've a hard time believing it is actually real.
posted by edgeways at 4:54 PM on April 10

This IS a parody, right?
posted by Phire at 4:54 PM on April 10

Can I have more than one wife in prison?

All states within the country have laws prohibiting polygamy, but there is not a national registry that tracks such things. In theory, one could have an incarcerated spouse in all six of the states that permit conjugal visits, as well as one or more additional spouses who are not in the prison system. Such behavior would be highly unethical, moderately illegal, and recommended only to interstate truckers, airline staff, and those who have the ability to fully reap the benefits of such an arrangement. While we can not endorse such behavior, we would not be aware of it unless you told us it was the case, and we’d have to recommend you only select one of our Lifer packages in order to insure that none of them would be released unexpectedly.

If this isn't a parody, I may just go throw up a little.
posted by Phire at 4:57 PM on April 10

© 2008 Conjugal Love LLC in Cooperation With the Governor of Illinois

heh, yeah I bet
posted by edgeways at 4:57 PM on April 10

This is satire, right?

Convictions: Malicious mischief, vandalism, then a guy I dated turned up dead plus his wife.

Cute.
posted by Sova at 4:57 PM on April 10

Interesting how the copyright information at the bottom of the page reads "Conjugal Love LLC in Cooperation With the Governor of Illinois", but a cursory search on whois shows the registrant in Georgia. It's the same person running FelonSpy, incidentally.
posted by Marisa Stole the Precious Thing at 4:59 PM on April 10

"I've a hard time believing it is actually real." "This is satire, right?" "This IS a parody, right?"

isn't there an intelligence test that has to be submitted along with the $5?
posted by HuronBob at 5:00 PM on April 10 [5 favorites]

This is satire, right?

It's as fake as the cover model's breasts.
posted by dersins at 5:00 PM on April 10

Ironically, I can't visit this site from my cell at the Pelican Bay SHU.
posted by zippy at 5:01 PM on April 10

HuronBob: ""I've a hard time believing it is actually real." "This is satire, right?" "This IS a parody, right?"

isn't there an intelligence test that has to be submitted along with the $5?"

Those thoughts are more an indicator of our loss of faith in humanity and less of our intelligence levels, I would think.
posted by Phire at 5:04 PM on April 10

Translation : The Internet is getting dumber, not me!
posted by mannequito at 5:06 PM on April 10 [1 favorite]

Oh man, the more I look into this guy's domains, the further across the line they travel.
posted by Marisa Stole the Precious Thing at 5:06 PM on April 10 [2 favorites]

I miss Coincidence Design. Now that was a good hoax dating site.
posted by dersins at 5:07 PM on April 10 [2 favorites]

Proven advantages: no 'pop in', no 'in the neighborhood', no 'I saw your light was on'...
posted by ddaavviidd at 5:16 PM on April 10

(sorry - click the link not the play icon)
posted by ddaavviidd at 5:16 PM on April 10

I may just go throw up a little.

Phire: You're correct, it isn't funny.

This one, for example. I guess because there are so many battered women serving state prison sentences, women who did not get the help they needed from Police, Courts, Social Service agencies, et cetera, and could not afford a top-shelf defense attorney, this "profile" made me want to throw up a little, too.
posted by MLIS at 5:26 PM on April 10 [1 favorite]

Marisa, you ain't kidding [NSFW] -- linked from the one you linked to.
posted by Michael Roberts at 5:28 PM on April 10 [2 favorites]

Lord Byron on a biscuit, what is this guy's obsession with dogs?
posted by Marisa Stole the Precious Thing at 5:31 PM on April 10

Oh man, the more I look into this guy's domains, the further across the line they travel.

Oh, come on! That Puppy Profits site has SO got to be a parody. There's no way that's not a parody.
posted by flapjax at midnite at 5:33 PM on April 10

Of course it's a parody. Seems like a long way to go for a joke about dogfighting though.
posted by Marisa Stole the Precious Thing at 5:34 PM on April 10

I like this one...
posted by schyler523 at 5:38 PM on April 10

To be fair, there's also: http://www.kittybeef.com/
posted by vanadium at 5:40 PM on April 10 [1 favorite]

"I've a hard time believing it is actually real." "This is satire, right?" "This IS a parody, right?"

isn't there an intelligence test that has to be submitted along with the $5?

So I shouldn't have emailed them my credit card information?
posted by Simon Barclay at 5:50 PM on April 10

Seems like a long way to go for a joke about dogfighting though.

Wouldn't disagree with that. I tell you, some people gotta lot of free time on their hands.
posted by flapjax at midnite at 5:52 PM on April 10

"Drug deal went bad, next thing you know, I got hauled off for killing a cop."

Finally , a chick who understands me.
posted by Liquidwolf at 6:08 PM on April 10

I'm torching an abandoned factory and having sex right now.
posted by Burhanistan at 6:10 PM on April 10

You could do an FPP just on this guy's collection of domains. I won't link to all of them, but they're easy enough to find. He's a dedicated troll. No, that's not entirely accurate. This guy takes trolling into a whole new category. He doesn't go into Yahoo! Answers asking, "Hey guys, I heard there was fighting in Georgia but I live in Atlanta and I haven't seen anything what's going on?". Instead, he creates websites that people make people rage on Yahoo! Answers. A prototroll, if you will.
posted by Marisa Stole the Precious Thing at 6:16 PM on April 10 [4 favorites]

.
posted by Sk4n at 6:16 PM on April 10

Ha, Funny. Oh what a witty parody of our modern life!

Wait, wut?
posted by The Whelk at 6:29 PM on April 10

You know that it would be untrue.
posted by Tube at 6:51 PM on April 10 [2 favorites]

Fight Tracker for Windows Vista and Dog Condoms for Your Champion Dog Fighter are must haves, in my book.
posted by KokuRyu at 7:51 PM on April 10

Parody? yes.
Funny? no.

Making "jokes" about how great it would be if women were all nothing fuckholes that you put back in storage when you don't need 'em? Classy.
posted by emjaybee at 7:53 PM on April 10

Making "jokes" about how great it would be if women were all nothing fuckholes that you put back in storage when you don't need 'em? Classy.

Really? I interpreted it in the exact opposite way. You seem to think it's misogynist but I think it clearly reads misandrist. I think the joke relies on the notion that in our cultural picture of men makes it believable that men would naturally be drawn to women without rights, and of course they'd come running for the chance to treat women as if they were all nothing fuckholes that you put back in storage when you don't need 'em?

That is a representation of a profoundly negative view of men: men as vicious, callous beasts. And so when I read these comments:

When I read "I've a hard time believing it is actually real." "This is satire, right?" "This IS a parody, right?"

It is really quite disheartening that the fact that my some of my fellow posters would even need to question weather this is a valid representation of men.
posted by Jezztek at 10:07 PM on April 10 [2 favorites]

Oh, awesome: peta forum member discovers puppyprofits.com, reports abuse to authorities.
posted by ryanrs at 1:17 AM on April 11 [1 favorite]

MOAR
posted by ryanrs at 1:20 AM on April 11

All of Frank Petterson's sites are listed on insulting.com.
posted by ryanrs at 1:28 AM on April 11 [1 favorite]

The only thing vaguely amusing about this is how the bottoms of the pages have links to real dating sites with "Select an inmate from [your town here] to continue" otherwise, yeah, ick.
posted by jessamyn at 6:40 AM on April 11

Oh trust me, those PETA idiots have no sense of humour. I have personal experience of that.
posted by Nelson at 7:29 AM on April 11

Metafilter: Mostly drug related but some violent stuff to.
posted by Devils Rancher at 8:21 AM on April 11

Oh trust me, those PETA idiots have no sense of humour. I have personal experience of that.

Story time!
posted by Marisa Stole the Precious Thing at 8:52 AM on April 11

Dibs on Teardrop, who is apparently really into the music of The Fall. Cool!

"Convictions: Murder but it wasn’t like that i got setup by my pimp and his frenz."
posted by porn in the woods at 1:14 PM on April 11

why wouldn't arsonists be "good at sex"? It's a very passionate (I daresay sexualized) hangup.

Arsonists are usually more interested in "solo missions."
posted by kirkaracha at 3:16 PM on April 11