The Case Against Eating Seeds.
April 14, 2009 10:42 AM   Subscribe

Surgeons find fir tree growing inside patients lung. Of course, this isn't the first time objects have found their way into the human body. Nail in skull. Paintbrush in skull. Towel behind lung. Potato in Vagina.
posted by Lutoslawski (52 comments total) 6 users marked this as a favorite
 
I suspect "potato in vagina" isn't as uncommon as the others.
posted by mr_crash_davis mark II: Jazz Odyssey at 10:44 AM on April 14, 2009 [1 favorite]


So...Reagan was right?

Trees: the silent killers.
posted by yoink at 10:44 AM on April 14, 2009


Higgs boson in stomach
posted by Joe Beese at 10:45 AM on April 14, 2009




He was just pining for the fjords.
posted by Floydd at 10:49 AM on April 14, 2009 [2 favorites]


I'm sure they've been posted here before, but there is never not a good time to share Surfactant's Radiograph set on flickr. NSFS(queamish)
posted by Mr. Anthropomorphism at 10:50 AM on April 14, 2009 [4 favorites]


Trees: the silent killers.
posted by Skot at 10:51 AM on April 14, 2009


I often forget about the towel I left behind my lung. Don't you?
posted by Blazecock Pileon at 10:53 AM on April 14, 2009


"There was no independent verification of the surgeon's claims."

Picture, or it didn't happen.
posted by filthy light thief at 10:53 AM on April 14, 2009


Here is a link with a photo.
posted by Lutoslawski at 10:56 AM on April 14, 2009


Radiographs...ow! ow! ow! Damn. Hurts to look at some of those.

Back on topic, the fir tree...dude... I wonder how large it could get? There is moisture and air in there, but no light, so all the growth would have to rely on stored energy. Germinating seedlings can actually grow quite a bit in conditions similar to this. Ugh.
posted by Xoebe at 10:58 AM on April 14, 2009


I often forget about the towel I left behind my lung. Don't you?

At least she'd never be unprepared for intergalactic travel, or Towel Day.
posted by filthy light thief at 10:58 AM on April 14, 2009


Tater mystery: SOLVED!
posted by ardgedee at 10:58 AM on April 14, 2009 [1 favorite]


So, The Telegraph is using Pravda as a trusted source now?
posted by ArgentCorvid at 10:59 AM on April 14, 2009


Saw this and the photo yesterday. I don't believe it. Plants require some sunlight to get to the growth stage in the photo.
posted by Cool Papa Bell at 11:00 AM on April 14, 2009


Lutoslawski - thanks, I think.

I'm not so worried about eating seeds, but huffing or snorting them. The idea of a tree growing in my nasal passages makes me all wiggly.
posted by filthy light thief at 11:00 AM on April 14, 2009


Picture, or it didn't happen.

The're a photo in the original Mosnews story, but it was probably NSFT for the Telegraph people.
posted by daniel_charms at 11:00 AM on April 14, 2009


Hmmm.


Mom always used to tell me I could grow potatoes in my ears.
posted by spirit72 at 11:03 AM on April 14, 2009


Wait, so I could grow weed in my lung?

Would that be illegal?
posted by orme at 11:05 AM on April 14, 2009 [2 favorites]


After coming across this yesterday and Googling for similar stories, I can recommend that those with low tolerance for medical stuff don't search for the phrase "doctors removed."
posted by mudpuppie at 11:05 AM on April 14, 2009 [1 favorite]


Incidentally, and a bit gross.

- Jojo is a common Mississippi term for a vagina.

- Potatoes are often rumored to be used as pessaries or other such devices.

- Jojo potatoes are a common menu item in greasy spoons across Mississippi.

As I said, incidental and gross.
posted by Pollomacho at 11:08 AM on April 14, 2009 [3 favorites]


Maybe the particular seed the man inhaled had mutated to allow it to grow without sunlight.

(full disclosure: i never studied biology past freshman year)
posted by gagglezoomer at 11:10 AM on April 14, 2009


Also, was it a fir or spruce because the article makes it out as if those are the same thing?

I wonder if beans could grow on a plate?
posted by Pollomacho at 11:11 AM on April 14, 2009


There was no independent verification of the surgeon's claims.

!!!!

If only the news media were half as skeptical of American politicians as they are of Russian doctors, we'd be a lot better off.
posted by DU at 11:13 AM on April 14, 2009 [1 favorite]


Better potatoes than centipedes.
posted by CaseyB at 11:16 AM on April 14, 2009


"Eeeeeaaaating seeds, is a pastime activity."
-SOAD
posted by JoeXIII007 at 11:24 AM on April 14, 2009 [2 favorites]


I wouldn't let Pathology have the tree. I would take its little two inches of hopeful wood home and plant it. Protect it by building a little fence around it. Water it properly. Nurture it over the years, showing it to my neighbors as it grows taller and taller. I would carefully comb out dead branches and put mulch over its roots to keep it warm in winter, for two decades of patient care.

Then I'd take an axe to it, screaming, "You like that? YOU LIKE THAT? How's that feel?! How fertile am I now, motherfucker?!" I would make it into a headboard, and some utensils, and I would use its scrap logs to cook my dinner. I would make an especially sturdy branch for a new axe handle and take it out into the yard and wave it at all of the other trees. "You're next! I will cut you down you even think about falling on my house!"

Goddamn trees.
posted by adipocere at 11:24 AM on April 14, 2009 [54 favorites]


So then is the tree carnivorous?
posted by amro at 11:27 AM on April 14, 2009


Mom always used to tell me I could grow potatoes in my ears.

She'd obviously never heard of Mrs. Piggle Wiggle's Hulu remedy.
posted by WolfDaddy at 11:31 AM on April 14, 2009


Of course, this isn't the first time objects have found their way into the human body.

Just ask Richard Gere.
posted by gman at 11:34 AM on April 14, 2009


IT'S NOT A TOOMA
posted by Ratio at 11:41 AM on April 14, 2009


Are we sure none of these are sootikins?
posted by Astro Zombie at 11:52 AM on April 14, 2009


From Eight-Pound Man Removed From Woman's Vagina: Though the man strenuously resisted rescue attempts, screaming and kicking wildly at medical personnel, he has not yet been charged with any crime.

True story: When my son (a Japanese citizen) was three months old, we applied for a passport for him. We were living in Japan.

Before receiving the passport, we had to answer a number of questions:

Boy or girl?
Boy

Name?
KokuRyu Jr

How old is the child?
Three months

Has he been convicted of any criminal behaviour?
... Uh, no.

Thank you. Here is your child's passport.

It was extremely difficult not to make a sarcastic or snarky remark.
posted by KokuRyu at 11:53 AM on April 14, 2009 [1 favorite]


My mother told me that if you swallow a watermelon seed you will have a watermelon grow in your stomach. Or maybe she said that's how you get pregnant.
posted by dances_with_sneetches at 12:02 PM on April 14, 2009




Trees: the silent killers.

I took this photo down the road from my house in south-east London. I guess this is the sort of thing it was trying to warn us about.
posted by Edwahd at 12:21 PM on April 14, 2009


Metachat is on the case! Move along now. . .
posted by Danf at 12:56 PM on April 14, 2009


Saw this and the photo yesterday. I don't believe it.

Yeah. There is no way that the stem would grow that thick (not to mention the needles) without any light. That is a small cutting from a much larger tree.
posted by ssg at 1:06 PM on April 14, 2009


I once ate a bar of soap and farted bubbles.

Blub. Blub. Blub...

(The human body is amazin' ain't it?)
posted by Skygazer at 1:16 PM on April 14, 2009




I wonder how large it could get? There is moisture and air in there, but no light, so all the growth would have to rely on stored energy.

I have seen little spindly seedlings about 6 inches tall in the dark zone of caves, gewnerally growing out the scat of a raccoon, or similar seed-eating animal that's an occasional cave-visitor. Some plants can grow quite a good ways before they run out of energy, absent photosynthesis. They do need to push up out of the soil, after all. Not that this lends any credence to the tree-in-lung thing, but it's not impossible for a seedling to reach that size without light.
posted by Devils Rancher at 2:16 PM on April 14, 2009


I accidentally the whole fir tree.
posted by scrowdid at 3:01 PM on April 14, 2009


From the Metachat thread Danf linked:

Totally not possible.

I note that the other top stories on the linked page are Bigfoot, an astrology prediction, and a story about Russian children training with police. We are not exactly talking Pulitzskaya-class journalism here.
posted by ikkyu2 13 April | 21:05


I think that about wraps it up. (Come back, ikkyu!)
posted by languagehat at 3:19 PM on April 14, 2009 [1 favorite]


No way and the reason is the twig is green. Photosynthesis doesn't happen without light. Yes, plants can germinate without light, but they won't be green. That doesn't look like a sprout anyway, looks like a twig laid up alongside some bright pink goo.
posted by telstar at 3:47 PM on April 14, 2009


I grow trees for a living, and I can say categorically that that's not a seedling: it's a small branch that the guy somehow inhaled. A fir seedling might germinate, but it would be spindly and colorless, as other people have pointed out. Now, some plants can grow quite a bit without light: a walnut, for instance. However, if this guy had inhaled a walnut, I think we'd be talking about something else, like the size of his nostrils.
posted by acrasis at 4:55 PM on April 14, 2009 [1 favorite]


Unfortunately for this guy, the dolphins that normally prevent us from inhaling seeds that would otherwise sprout in our lungs were busy defending Chinese cargo ships from Somali pirates.
posted by kosem at 5:09 PM on April 14, 2009


it's a small branch that the guy somehow inhaled.

I don't buy that either for the same reason...the twig would lose its green very quickly along with its shape. The twig in the picture looks pretty fresh.

And who could inhale a twig that size without the throat coughing like crazy? That isn't a smooth object by any means. I call complete hoax.
posted by telstar at 5:15 PM on April 14, 2009


Okay, I can't resist. Little e, you've found the name for my next death metal band, rectal salami.
posted by oozy rat in a sanitary zoo at 8:07 PM on April 14, 2009 [1 favorite]


Prolapsed uterus. I really could have gone through life not knowing such a condition existed and been just fine.
posted by photoslob at 8:54 PM on April 14, 2009 [1 favorite]


Acute otalgia: a case report of mature termite in the middle ear

Must have been hungry and crawled in there looking for trees.
posted by Pollomacho at 4:19 AM on April 15, 2009 [1 favorite]


This is approximately 1/3 of the reason my college grades were mediocre. Every time I needed to research something, instead I'd end up deep in the bowels of PubMed: "If there's a case report on that in/on/growing out of that body part, what about this and this body part?" It's like internet porn, the more creative your search terms, the stranger you realize the world is.
posted by little e at 7:07 AM on April 15, 2009 [1 favorite]


When in the hand of a skilled artist, a paintbrush can be used to create beauty. But in the hands of an angry assailant, it can be shoved violently into a person’s brain.

That's so bad, it's good. It's like a parody of hack journalism.
posted by Pater Aletheias at 11:35 AM on April 16, 2009


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