Comments on: DIE HARD: Dysfunctional cop saves marriage by murdering foreign national.

DIE HARD: Dysfunctional cop saves marriage by murdering foreign national.

wendell — Tue, 14 Apr 2009 12:06:46 -0800

137 Uncomfortable Plot Summaries of a wide variety of movies, TV series and even a couple books, from varying points of view (whatever is the most uncomfortable). A treasure trove of pop culture redefinition.

By: The Whelk

The Whelk — Tue, 14 Apr 2009 12:11:27 -0800

AUNTIE MAME: Spinster exposes child to sexual fetishists, socialists; thwarts marriage to good Republican girl. Well, yes. Yes she does. ALIENS: An unplanned pregnancy leads to complications. This is the best summary of the ALIEN movies ever.

By: DU

DU — Tue, 14 Apr 2009 12:15:08 -0800

# BATMAN: Wealthy man assaults the mentally ill. # BIG TROUBLE IN LITTLE CHINA: Redneck trucker kills Chinese immigrants. This is a trollerer's go-to source. Damn.

By: djfiander

djfiander — Tue, 14 Apr 2009 12:17:13 -0800

FERRIS BUELLER’S DAY OFF: Amoral narcissist makes world dance for his amusement. How else would one describe it?

By: HostBryan

HostBryan — Tue, 14 Apr 2009 12:18:25 -0800

The Twilight summary is pretty much all that needs to be said. Ever.

By: COBRA!

COBRA! — Tue, 14 Apr 2009 12:18:27 -0800

Yeah, around 25% of these were just restating the whole obvious point of the work.

By: Lacking Subtlety

Lacking Subtlety — Tue, 14 Apr 2009 12:18:31 -0800

This is making my day.

By: pts

pts — Tue, 14 Apr 2009 12:18:49 -0800

I'm pretty sure I once saw a summary of Requiem for a Dream that was something like "Disaffected Brooklyites try to better themselves."

By: ooga_booga

ooga_booga — Tue, 14 Apr 2009 12:22:09 -0800

Conan: A young boy grows up to hunt his parents' killer and recapture his father's penis, only to break it.

By: telstar

telstar — Tue, 14 Apr 2009 12:23:54 -0800

I was going to say the title should be Cynical Plot Summaries, but then I see that is one of the tags. This will be bookmarked in my Movies folder and referred to often. Hope the list grows.

By: one_bean

one_bean — Tue, 14 Apr 2009 12:24:19 -0800

Dead Man: .

By: adipocere

adipocere — Tue, 14 Apr 2009 12:24:36 -0800

HEART'S "DOG & BUTTERFLY" — harmless flying protagonist repeatedly menaced by slavering jaws of a monster tens of thousands of times heavier than it; ancient primate looks on and approves.

By: uncleozzy

uncleozzy — Tue, 14 Apr 2009 12:24:48 -0800

I give up on trying to list a few good ones. Many of these are very funny.

By: joseph conrad is fully awesome

joseph conrad is fully awesome — Tue, 14 Apr 2009 12:25:00 -0800

GROUNDHOG DAY: Misanthropic creep exploits space/time anomaly to stalk coworker. But in the most charming and delightful way!

By: Afroblanco

Afroblanco — Tue, 14 Apr 2009 12:26:58 -0800

Thanks for making me laugh. I've been having a tough day.

By: CheshireCat

CheshireCat — Tue, 14 Apr 2009 12:34:29 -0800

LORD OF THE RINGS: Midget destroys stolen property. That description is a thing of beauty.

By: Astro Zombie

Astro Zombie — Tue, 14 Apr 2009 12:35:35 -0800

CRANK: Drug addict spends last day in orgy of rape and violence. Actually, I think that was how the film was pitched.

By: Bookhouse

Bookhouse — Tue, 14 Apr 2009 12:36:12 -0800

Funny: FIREFLY: In an analogue of the post-Civil War west, a white man on the losing side bosses around a black woman. Perfect: HARRY POTTER: Celebrity Jock thinks rules don’t apply to him, is right.

By: 1f2frfbf

1f2frfbf — Tue, 14 Apr 2009 12:38:00 -0800

SCARFACE: Immigrant finds running his own business stressful, dangerous. Now I have to explain to my co-workers that, yes, I do in fact know how to drink water out of a grown-up cup without choking and spitting it all over my desk.

By: Bookhouse

Bookhouse — Tue, 14 Apr 2009 12:41:56 -0800

Okay, sorry, one more: TITANIC: Crazy old widow disregards lifelong memories of husband, children, and grandchildren in favor of that one time she fucked a bum.

By: rokusan

rokusan — Tue, 14 Apr 2009 12:43:50 -0800

The "Star Wars" and "Seven" ones did it for me, 1f2frfbf.

By: bondcliff

bondcliff — Tue, 14 Apr 2009 12:44:12 -0800

SE7EN: Homicide detectives unable to prevent even a single murder by admitted serial killer, killer gives cop head. Ok, that's just about the funniest thing I've read all month.

By: Skot

Skot — Tue, 14 Apr 2009 12:44:56 -0800

ANIMAL HOUSE: Douchebags do whatever they want. LEAVING LAS VEGAS: Drunk fucks hooker; dies. THE ACCUSED: Bar attendees disregard pinball machine instructions. THELA AND LOUISE: Women are terrible drivers. I wish I'd thought of this before.

By: Skot

Skot — Tue, 14 Apr 2009 12:45:37 -0800

THELA? Fuck you, me.

By: Nelson

Nelson — Tue, 14 Apr 2009 12:45:52 -0800

Here, I made you a delicious sandwich. It is made entirely out of 137-proof snark, and it is very tasty.

By: burnmp3s

burnmp3s — Tue, 14 Apr 2009 12:46:13 -0800

These are great. I would add: CLOVERFIELD: Self-absorbed yuppies have a hard time finding their way to Midtown Manhattan, end up in Central Park.

By: Combustible Edison Lighthouse

Combustible Edison Lighthouse — Tue, 14 Apr 2009 12:47:23 -0800

BLACK HAWK DOWN: American soldiers battle Negro zombies.

By: Damn That Television

Damn That Television — Tue, 14 Apr 2009 12:48:14 -0800

Most of these are trying too hard to be clever and witty. However, some of them make me laugh so hard that my stomach hurts. So it's quite a net positive.

By: Lacking Subtlety

Lacking Subtlety — Tue, 14 Apr 2009 12:50:03 -0800

Skot are those ones yours?

By: From Bklyn

From Bklyn — Tue, 14 Apr 2009 12:51:34 -0800

Killer gives cop head Bravo, bravo.

By: Afroblanco

Afroblanco — Tue, 14 Apr 2009 12:53:05 -0800

Memento : Brain damaged people are easy to fuck with, but will eventually kill you.

By: Skot

Skot — Tue, 14 Apr 2009 12:53:25 -0800

Skot are those ones yours? Yeah. Just firing from the hip, and probably killing innocent bystanders.

By: telstar

telstar — Tue, 14 Apr 2009 12:53:55 -0800

LA CONFIDENTIAL: Rapist joins thug in foiling police corruption scheme. I just saw this, and yep.

By: troybob

troybob — Tue, 14 Apr 2009 12:54:35 -0800

THE PASSION OF THE CHRIST: Mel Gibson fulfills fantasy of showing a Jew beaten to a bloody pulp and killed on-screen.

By: Smedleyman

Smedleyman — Tue, 14 Apr 2009 12:55:20 -0800

THE DEPARTED: FBI uses Irish drug addict to taunt clergy pedophiles

By: Astro Zombie

Astro Zombie — Tue, 14 Apr 2009 12:58:34 -0800

GANGS OF NEW YORK: Leprechauns kill Snidely Whiplash.

By: Afroblanco

Afroblanco — Tue, 14 Apr 2009 12:59:21 -0800

Lost In Translation : Suppressed longing leads to underwhelming infidelity.

By: pbh

pbh — Tue, 14 Apr 2009 13:00:57 -0800

The Whelk: "ALIENS: An unplanned pregnancy leads to complications. This is the best summary of the ALIEN movies ever." Related: TERMINATOR: An unplanned pregnancy leads to complications.

By: Ndwright

Ndwright — Tue, 14 Apr 2009 13:01:03 -0800

Their 300 one, "gays kill blacks" is kind of weak, seeing as how "A band of valiant, white, straight, scantily-clad heroes sacrifice themselves to stop an invading force of leprous and effeminate Asians" is not a joking description of the movie, it is the movie. They also forgot one of the best of all time, (quoting IMDB here) Rick Polito of the Marin Independent Journal printed in Northern California is locally famous for his droll, single-sentence summations of television programs and movies which the newspaper reports will be broadcast. For the Wizard of Oz, he wrote, "Transported to a surreal landscape, a young girl kills the first person she meets and then teams up with three strangers to kill again."

By: Lacking Subtlety

Lacking Subtlety — Tue, 14 Apr 2009 13:01:19 -0800

THE ACCUSED: Bar attendees disregard pinball machine instructions. posted by Skot at 12:44 PM on April 14 [+] [!] This one is just fantastic. Audible laughter ensued. If we're going to get all analytical here though: the first two are definitely accurate and blunt, but the movies were kind of just as blunt in sort of confirming that message to a degree. I think the blunt ones work when they're just more specific to a trait rather than overall tone. Like with Harry Potter's "rule breaking" one on the site. It's like the funniest ones are completely ignorant of the point and deeply laced in delicious irony (instead of bitchy, contrarian irony... but that's subjective?). The fourth one gets closer to what makes your third one so sucessful. Anyway, that was all shooting from the hip, but enjoyable. I'm just trying to nail down what makes the posted list so good. This is superfun.

By: odinsdream

odinsdream — Tue, 14 Apr 2009 13:01:33 -0800

RAMBO III: The United States provides arms, equipment and training to the terrorists behind 9/11. Hehh..

By: Joe Beese

Joe Beese — Tue, 14 Apr 2009 13:02:25 -0800

My favorite movie... Bring Me The Head Of Alfredo Garcia: Musician takes road trip with girlfriend, runs into her old flame

By: Lucinda

Lucinda — Tue, 14 Apr 2009 13:04:08 -0800

HARRY POTTER: Celebrity Jock thinks rules don’t apply to him, is right. I could never quite put into words why I never really liked this series of books. This is why.

By: cereselle

cereselle — Tue, 14 Apr 2009 13:04:47 -0800

BLADE RUNNER: Man with no apparent skill stumbles into escaped robots, fails to kill most, fucks one. That's pretty much the message I took away from the movie.

By: graventy

graventy — Tue, 14 Apr 2009 13:04:56 -0800

Some of these are quite marvelous.

By: Dr-Baa

Dr-Baa — Tue, 14 Apr 2009 13:05:02 -0800

ROCKY: White man beats black man. Nope.

By: stupidsexyFlanders

stupidsexyFlanders — Tue, 14 Apr 2009 13:05:16 -0800

Metafilter: Underachievers seek distractions by sharing links, and then mocking those links.

By: Ambrosia Voyeur

Ambrosia Voyeur — Tue, 14 Apr 2009 13:05:44 -0800

The Little Mermaid: Girl chooses between two forms of mutilation out of lust for rich husband.

By: Dr-Baa

Dr-Baa — Tue, 14 Apr 2009 13:06:27 -0800

Seriously though, these are great. Blade Runner especially.

By: Afroblanco

Afroblanco — Tue, 14 Apr 2009 13:06:36 -0800

PRETTY WOMAN : Prostitute hired.

By: starman

starman — Tue, 14 Apr 2009 13:07:17 -0800

REVENGE OF THE NERDS: Tri-Lamda freshmen charged with felony invasion of privacy

By: Optimus Chyme

Optimus Chyme — Tue, 14 Apr 2009 13:09:23 -0800

SLUMDOG MILLIONAIRE: Man is betrayed by darker-skinned brother, escapes poverty through blind luck in pursuit of light-skinned woman.

By: Afroblanco

Afroblanco — Tue, 14 Apr 2009 13:09:46 -0800

Hook : Narcissistic man-child torments aging, disabled entrepreneur.

By: Skot

Skot — Tue, 14 Apr 2009 13:14:59 -0800

HOOSIERS: Hicks briefly experience meaningless triumph. 2001: Astronaut battles computer; becomes enormous baby. LOOK WHO'S TALKING: Trapped consciousness masks existential despair with wisecracks.

By: Ambrosia Voyeur

Ambrosia Voyeur — Tue, 14 Apr 2009 13:15:23 -0800

These are really ahrd to come up with for movies with moral ambivalence in them. Practically everything on my DVD shelf is impossible to denigrate in terms of plot. Happiness, Dancer in the Dark? Jeez!

By: desjardins

desjardins — Tue, 14 Apr 2009 13:15:37 -0800

CLOAK AND DAGGER: Spoiled teens discover drugs make them special. What? There were no drugs OR teenagers in this movie.

By: geos

geos — Tue, 14 Apr 2009 13:15:39 -0800

300: gays kill blacks i think needs more specificity: 300: homo jocks fail to kill 8 foot tall black transvestite.

By: Astro Zombie

Astro Zombie — Tue, 14 Apr 2009 13:16:07 -0800

THE TERROR OF TINY TOWN: Sining midgets on Shetland ponies pretend they're in a cowboy movie.

By: Ndwright

Ndwright — Tue, 14 Apr 2009 13:16:59 -0800

On second view, I'm wondering if he's actually seen all these movies. Some of the summaries are flat-out wrong: ROCKY: White man beats black man. RUSHMORE: Teen molests teacher, is expelled. Finds love. THE PROFESSIONAL: Hired murderer sleeps with little girl. PREDATOR: American military-industrial complex ruins first contact with alien life. While others are fairly straightforward plot summaries: TRAINSPOTTING: Statutory rapist and junkie sifts through human waste, gets enormous sum of money. THE INCREDIBLE JOURNEY: Family abandons beloved pets, forcing them to engage in a dangerous cross-country journey. STAR TREK VI: Racist military commander past his prime nearly ruins galactic peace. RAMBO III: The United States provides arms, equipment and training to the terrorists behind 9/11. DONNIE DARKO: Hallucinating teen crushed by airplane engine.

By: Ambrosia Voyeur

Ambrosia Voyeur — Tue, 14 Apr 2009 13:17:45 -0800

REBECCA: Angry lesbian has trouble coping with a loss to cancer.

By: Lacking Subtlety

Lacking Subtlety — Tue, 14 Apr 2009 13:17:57 -0800

The Curious Case of Benjamin Button: Man defies all scientific reasoning and ages backwards; no one seems to notice, care.

By: geos

geos — Tue, 14 Apr 2009 13:18:12 -0800

Practically everything on my DVD shelf is impossible to denigrate in terms of plot. Happiness, Dancer in the Dark? Jeez! really? LARS VON TRIER: NAIVE WOMAN TORTURED AND KILLED.

By: Ambrosia Voyeur

Ambrosia Voyeur — Tue, 14 Apr 2009 13:18:12 -0800

yeah, Donnie Darko is actually a LOT darker than that, hmm?

By: Ambrosia Voyeur

Ambrosia Voyeur — Tue, 14 Apr 2009 13:18:54 -0800

geos: And how is that worse than the actual film? It's not. That's the point, they ARE that nasty.

By: ricochet biscuit

ricochet biscuit — Tue, 14 Apr 2009 13:19:16 -0800

Regarding Henry: Lawyer shot in head, improves personality.

By: Astro Zombie

Astro Zombie — Tue, 14 Apr 2009 13:19:26 -0800

Watchmen: Fetishists team up to stop a nerd from destroying New York.

By: Joe Beese

Joe Beese — Tue, 14 Apr 2009 13:19:50 -0800

Lethal Weapon: Mentally unstable co-worker gets man tortured, his daughter kidnapped, and his house destroyed.

By: box

box — Tue, 14 Apr 2009 13:20:07 -0800

DO THE RIGHT THING: Pizza-delivery person wonders whether he still has a job.

By: Lacking Subtlety

Lacking Subtlety — Tue, 14 Apr 2009 13:20:31 -0800

2001: Astronaut battles computer; becomes enormous baby. posted by Skot at 1:14 PM on April 14 [+] [!] more audible laughter.

By: ooga_booga

ooga_booga — Tue, 14 Apr 2009 13:21:07 -0800

The Whelk: "ALIENS: An unplanned pregnancy leads to complications. This is the best summary of the ALIEN movies ever." Related: TERMINATOR: An unplanned pregnancy leads to complications. posted by pbh at 1:00 PM on April 14 [+] [!] Se also: THE PASSION OF THE CHRIST: An unplanned pregnancy leads to complications.

By: troybob

troybob — Tue, 14 Apr 2009 13:21:08 -0800

Dancer in the Dark: Blind Bjork belts out bleak ballads, dies.

By: Astro Zombie

Astro Zombie — Tue, 14 Apr 2009 13:21:09 -0800

Raging Bull: Asshole goes to jail.

By: cereselle

cereselle — Tue, 14 Apr 2009 13:21:14 -0800

THE HAND THAT ROCKS THE CRADLE: Rich hobbyist declines to mother own child, kills employee. REAL GENIUS: Irresponsible students destroy national defense project. SIXTEEN CANDLES: Jock finds new girlfriend, sells old girlfriend to nerd. Also Asians are stupid. THE SHAWSHANK REDEMPTION: Convicted criminal disrupts prison, escapes. GREMLINS II: Sentient nonhumans destroyed by corporate drones. THE SIXTH SENSE: A bullied child hallucinates.

By: LMGM

LMGM — Tue, 14 Apr 2009 13:21:15 -0800

This will...oh. um, hi! In other news, this is good.

By: ooga_booga

ooga_booga — Tue, 14 Apr 2009 13:21:35 -0800

Se?

By: Inspector.Gadget

Inspector.Gadget — Tue, 14 Apr 2009 13:21:46 -0800

Punisher: War Zone: Masochist ignores recycling regulations, kills minorities while guido stereotype goes slumming.

By: DaDaDaDave

DaDaDaDave — Tue, 14 Apr 2009 13:22:03 -0800

BIRTH OF A NATION: War hero becomes community organizer.

By: Navelgazer

Navelgazer — Tue, 14 Apr 2009 13:22:09 -0800

THE ROCK: FBI releases dangerous criminal, puts all of San Francisco in mortal peril in order to break up a group of American soldiers protesting for better compensation.

By: burnmp3s

burnmp3s — Tue, 14 Apr 2009 13:22:49 -0800

BACK TO THE FUTURE: Teenager accidentally seduces own mother, father exploits situation to get book deal.

By: Ambrosia Voyeur

Ambrosia Voyeur — Tue, 14 Apr 2009 13:24:13 -0800

TRON: Overly competitive entrepreneur risks health for professional recognition.

By: Danf

Danf — Tue, 14 Apr 2009 13:24:46 -0800

The Blair Witch Project: Students go to Best Buy, steal camcorder, stop off out in the forest at night before reading the manual.

By: Combustible Edison Lighthouse

Combustible Edison Lighthouse — Tue, 14 Apr 2009 13:24:48 -0800

DO THE RIGHT THING: Brooklyn resident incites riot, burns down place of employment, demands back pay. LEGALLY BLONDE: Idiot makes mockery of post-secondary educational system. ROSEMARY'S BABY: Young couple introduced to swinger lifestyle by kindly geriatrics.

By: Astro Zombie

Astro Zombie — Tue, 14 Apr 2009 13:25:29 -0800

Dracula: Deluded Brits scheme to murder Romanian royalty as revenge for friend's anemia.

By: Afroblanco

Afroblanco — Tue, 14 Apr 2009 13:26:02 -0800

GIMME SHELTER : Rolling Stones give free concert. Meredith Hunter, The 60s die.

By: Sparx

Sparx — Tue, 14 Apr 2009 13:26:30 -0800

E.T.: Out-of-control pet causes mayhem, sadness. MARLEY AND ME: Out-of-control pet causes mayhem, sadness. See also: Old Yeller, Cujo, Aliens3, Pet Semetary, the Thing, and the Scoobie Doo movie with Scrappy in it.

By: Inspector.Gadget

Inspector.Gadget — Tue, 14 Apr 2009 13:26:45 -0800

The Thing: Chauvinistic, alcoholic American hicks massively pollute Antarctica, kill only other life form for miles.

By: Skot

Skot — Tue, 14 Apr 2009 13:28:15 -0800

THE EXORCIST: A little girl is incapable of taking care of herself. DELIVERANCE: Four men embark on a sex-soaked countryside vacation trip. MY LEFT FOOT: Cripple impresses regular people.

By: Astro Zombie

Astro Zombie — Tue, 14 Apr 2009 13:28:18 -0800

It's kind of hard to stop once you get started. Easy Rider: Drug pushing cross-country rapists stopped by concerned Florida motorists.

By: filthy light thief

filthy light thief — Tue, 14 Apr 2009 13:28:39 -0800

THE EXORCIST: Jesus trumps science. Doesn't he always?

By: Joe Beese

Joe Beese — Tue, 14 Apr 2009 13:28:51 -0800

Finding Nemo: Husband sees wife killed, child abducted.

By: jeremy b

jeremy b — Tue, 14 Apr 2009 13:29:10 -0800

BABY MAMA: An unmanned pregnancy leads to complications.

By: Ambrosia Voyeur

Ambrosia Voyeur — Tue, 14 Apr 2009 13:29:26 -0800

The humor of these is really irregular.

By: Navelgazer

Navelgazer — Tue, 14 Apr 2009 13:29:57 -0800

THE X-FILES: Competent, driven woman held back in her career advancement by male co-worker.

By: ricochet biscuit

ricochet biscuit — Tue, 14 Apr 2009 13:32:23 -0800

Star Wars, Episodes I-III: Duly-appointed head of state suppresses fanatical religious militia, creates countless jobs with massive construction project.

By: Afroblanco

Afroblanco — Tue, 14 Apr 2009 13:32:35 -0800

POLTERGEIST : Girl watches too much TV, gets totally sucked in.

By: Inspector.Gadget

Inspector.Gadget — Tue, 14 Apr 2009 13:33:56 -0800

The Sandlot: Bespectacled teen fakes drowning death to escape homoerotic friendships, meet woman of his dreams. -OR- The Sandlot: Animal abuse and child neglect go unremarked, blind junkyard owner becomes an expert in drool analysis.

By: Danf

Danf — Tue, 14 Apr 2009 13:34:53 -0800

Bang the Drum Slowly: A slow agonizing death is the only thing that is more of a bummer than the monotony of baseball.

By: shadow vector

shadow vector — Tue, 14 Apr 2009 13:35:19 -0800

TRANSFORMERS: Army lures enormous, hostile aliens into urban area, needlessly killing thousands.

By: ob

ob — Tue, 14 Apr 2009 13:36:07 -0800

These actually read a lot like broken picture telephone descriptions.

By: specialagentwebb

specialagentwebb — Tue, 14 Apr 2009 13:37:05 -0800

Tremors: Backwoods hicks discover extremely rare creature, hunt nearly it to extinction.

By: Navelgazer

Navelgazer — Tue, 14 Apr 2009 13:38:06 -0800

THE TRUMAN SHOW: Privileged white male looks history's biggest gift horse in the mouth.

By: ob

ob — Tue, 14 Apr 2009 13:38:24 -0800

Every Guy Ritchie Movie (apart from that one): Gangsters in London, some other sub-plot.

By: Ambrosia Voyeur

Ambrosia Voyeur — Tue, 14 Apr 2009 13:38:34 -0800

CLOSE ENCOUNTERS OF THE THIRD KIND: Husband abandons family responsibilities to trespass on military outpost for noisy light show.

By: Combustible Edison Lighthouse

Combustible Edison Lighthouse — Tue, 14 Apr 2009 13:38:34 -0800

A FEW GOOD MEN: Young lawyer destroys army officer's career despite needing him on that wall.

By: yhbc

yhbc — Tue, 14 Apr 2009 13:39:10 -0800

THE BLUES BROTHERS: Comedians who can't sing or play music destroy Illinois mall with help from singers and musicians who can't act.

By: Astro Zombie

Astro Zombie — Tue, 14 Apr 2009 13:41:30 -0800

Blue Velvet: Working class small-town entreupeneur is tormented by horny college student.

By: Inspector.Gadget

Inspector.Gadget — Tue, 14 Apr 2009 13:41:57 -0800

Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull: Aging professor flees to remote jungle to avoid child support payments, escape rogue special effects crew intent on making him look ridiculous.

By: Smedleyman

Smedleyman — Tue, 14 Apr 2009 13:42:45 -0800

AMERICAN PSYCHO: Yuppie incurs videotape late fees, enjoys pop music ROCKY BALBOA: Elderly restaurateur cleans out basement, discovers video games

By: DaDaDaDave

DaDaDaDave — Tue, 14 Apr 2009 13:44:35 -0800

TITUS ANDRONICUS: Happy-go-lucky young noblemen compete for girl's hand, leaving her speechless. AUDITION: Misunderstood introvert finds joy in needlework.

By: geos

geos — Tue, 14 Apr 2009 13:45:01 -0800

2001: Astronaut battles computer; becomes enormous baby. AKIRA: teen-age hooligan becomes enormous baby, fights best friend with laser. Tokyo destroyed.

By: doobiedoo

doobiedoo — Tue, 14 Apr 2009 13:46:22 -0800

I've read phone books more uncomfortable and snarkier than these plot summaries. Droll -1.

By: criticalbill

criticalbill — Tue, 14 Apr 2009 13:46:27 -0800

Jaws: Police harass endangered species

By: FelliniBlank

FelliniBlank — Tue, 14 Apr 2009 13:47:04 -0800

THE WIZARD OF OZ: Delinquent teen and her aggressive dog flee foster home and go on international killing spree, targeting middle-aged women.

By: geos

geos — Tue, 14 Apr 2009 13:48:52 -0800

GRIZZLY MAN: Werner Herzog listens to a man being eaten by a bear.

By: Danf

Danf — Tue, 14 Apr 2009 13:49:48 -0800

The Omen: Planned pregnancy leads to complications.

By: Joe Beese

Joe Beese — Tue, 14 Apr 2009 13:50:54 -0800

Jonestown: The Life and Death of Peoples Temple: Beloved clergyman assembles his congregation in bucolic setting, serves refreshments

By: FelliniBlank

FelliniBlank — Tue, 14 Apr 2009 13:51:01 -0800

CASABLANCA: Treasonous fugitives coerce responsible entrepreneur into abetting their evasion of immigration law.

By: oaf

oaf — Tue, 14 Apr 2009 13:52:49 -0800

MetaFilter: An unplanned pregnancy leads to complications.

By: oaf

oaf — Tue, 14 Apr 2009 13:53:08 -0800

Wait, no, that's Ask MetaFilter.

By: FelliniBlank

FelliniBlank — Tue, 14 Apr 2009 13:53:14 -0800

101 DALMATIONS: Unplanned pregnancy leads to complications.

By: Navelgazer

Navelgazer — Tue, 14 Apr 2009 13:53:46 -0800

THE RING: Rural couple starves only child, are right to do so.

By: minifigs

minifigs — Tue, 14 Apr 2009 13:53:58 -0800

PSYCHO: A thief is thwarted. VERTIGO: Retired cop likes blondes. PEARL HARBOUR: War heroes can be douches too.

By: MythMaker

MythMaker — Tue, 14 Apr 2009 13:54:19 -0800

Star Wars 4-6: Religious fanatics lie to and groom naive young boy to unwittingly murder his own father.

By: We had a deal, Kyle

We had a deal, Kyle — Tue, 14 Apr 2009 13:56:39 -0800

THE ACCUSED: Bar attendees disregard pinball machine instructions. posted by Skot at 12:44 PM on April 14 [+] [!] This one is just fantastic. Audible laughter ensued. LOLRAPE's a bit too uncomfortable for me, but I guess it hits the "whatever is most uncomfortable" definition in the title. The shorter summaries work best -- they're like newspaper headlines, every word counts. Often adding more words simply belabors the joke.

By: SirOmega

SirOmega — Tue, 14 Apr 2009 13:59:06 -0800

DUNE: Eugenics program brings about climate change, destroys universe (well, the books)

By: Navelgazer

Navelgazer — Tue, 14 Apr 2009 13:59:26 -0800

THE SHINING: Wife and son keep author from finishing his novel.

By: snofoam

snofoam — Tue, 14 Apr 2009 13:59:34 -0800

REVENGE OF THE NERDS: Young scholars move into fixer-upper, experience sexual awakening.

By: oaf

oaf — Tue, 14 Apr 2009 13:59:38 -0800

NORTH BY NORTHWEST: Interrupting secret government plans can be dangerous.

By: starman

starman — Tue, 14 Apr 2009 14:01:24 -0800

CITIZEN KANE: Wealthy newspaper tycoon mutters to self, dies

By: Smedleyman

Smedleyman — Tue, 14 Apr 2009 14:01:51 -0800

THE FIFTH ELEMENT: Cab driver and illegal alien destroy luxury hotel, radio show. Eviscerate Twi'lek. INVINCIBLE: Wife leaves bartender two weeks too soon. PSYCHO: Hotel clerk improperly penetrates female guest

By: cereselle

cereselle — Tue, 14 Apr 2009 14:02:00 -0800

TITUS ANDRONICUS: Happy-go-lucky young noblemen compete for girl's hand, leaving her speechless. *blinks* My God, that's evil. Well done.

By: klangklangston

klangklangston — Tue, 14 Apr 2009 14:03:27 -0800

"REBECCA: Angry lesbian has trouble coping with a loss to cancer." SILKWOOD: Angry lesbian has trouble coping with cancer. GODFATHER: Italian conforms to stereotypes. GODFATHER II: Criminal immigrant thrives in America; second generation immigrant also criminal. GODFATHER III: Pope conspires with mafia, Italian criminality hereditary.

By: [insert clever name here]

[insert clever name here] — Tue, 14 Apr 2009 14:03:39 -0800

Moulin Rouge: Gold digger leads on rich man for his money while banging poor writer on the side.

By: klangklangston

klangklangston — Tue, 14 Apr 2009 14:06:11 -0800

IRRÉVERSIBLE: Rectum, nearly killed 'em.

By: Lacking Subtlety

Lacking Subtlety — Tue, 14 Apr 2009 14:06:16 -0800

THE ACCUSED: Bar attendees disregard pinball machine instructions. posted by Skot at 12:44 PM on April 14 [+] [!] This one is just fantastic. Audible laughter ensued. LOLRAPE's a bit too uncomfortable for me, but I guess it hits the "whatever is most uncomfortable" definition in the title. The shorter summaries work best -- they're like newspaper headlines, every word counts. Often adding more words simply belabors the joke. posted by We had a deal, Kyle at 1:56 PM on April 14 [+] [!] I'm uncomfortable with it too, but that's what makes the specific joke work (not in a general, "it's offensive therefore funny!" way). Not to spell it out, but it's the complete ignorance of the subject matter, and the irony of that ignorance that is funny. Whereas making a crude joke about the rape itself, would be too on the nose and tactless. If that makes sense. Anyways, that's what I'd classify as LOLRAPE instead of what was what above, which was, well, tactful enough for me if that makes sense. Also you're right on the nose about every word counting and belaboring the joke.

By: Joe Beese

Joe Beese — Tue, 14 Apr 2009 14:08:12 -0800

Threads: Woman bounces back from the cancellation of her wedding plans by returning to the country and giving birth to a child.

By: Navelgazer

Navelgazer — Tue, 14 Apr 2009 14:09:35 -0800

CRASH: White people and Ludacris conform to ethnic stereotypes.

By: djgh

djgh — Tue, 14 Apr 2009 14:11:27 -0800

Memento : Brain damaged people are easy to fuck with, but will eventually kill you. Memento: Care for handicapped goes unrewarded. American Beauty: Paedophile killed. Beverly Hills Cop: Black man unwelcome in white enclave. Catch Me If You Can: Proof that crime eventually pays. Devil Wears Prada: No good assistants in New York. Gladiator: Man just can't move on. Syriana: Man sticks nose where not wanted. The Breakfast Club: Diligent principal betrayed by students. The Incredibles: Aging has-been seeks limelight. Zoolander: Unnatractive men somehow models.

By: snofoam

snofoam — Tue, 14 Apr 2009 14:11:38 -0800

PIRATES OF THE CARIBBEAN: Cursed sailors attempt to return tainted booty.

By: TimeTravelSpeed

TimeTravelSpeed — Tue, 14 Apr 2009 14:13:36 -0800

Napolean Dynamite: Black dancer helps white boy elect Mexican. Child molester settles for his ex.

By: Smedleyman

Smedleyman — Tue, 14 Apr 2009 14:14:14 -0800

IN BRUGES: Tourists abuse, kill, actors, dwarf. DRUMLINE: Drum. Line. NO COUNTRY FOR OLD MEN: It just goes to show, you can’t be too careful

By: Danf

Danf — Tue, 14 Apr 2009 14:15:47 -0800

Annie Hall: Animal abuse by neurotic couple goes unpunished.

By: burnmp3s

burnmp3s — Tue, 14 Apr 2009 14:16:06 -0800

CHARLOTTE'S WEB: Spin artist hypes unremarkable swine, abandons children.

By: phrontist

phrontist — Tue, 14 Apr 2009 14:16:43 -0800

Harry Potter: Boy locked under stairway by caregivers has rich fantasy life. 2001: Mission objectives thwarted when military men gain sentience, autonomy. Passion of the Christ: Unplanned pregnancy leads to complications. Gran Torino: Racist old man employs child labor, implicated in gangland killing.

By: Skot

Skot — Tue, 14 Apr 2009 14:17:25 -0800

PUMP UP THE VOLUME: Teenager faces onerous FCC violations. PET SEMATARY: Child dies; continues to aggravate. TAXI DRIVER: Cabbie struggles to understand his girlfriend's hang-ups.

By: Navelgazer

Navelgazer — Tue, 14 Apr 2009 14:17:28 -0800

Child molester settles for his ex. I'm guessing this was supposed to be MANHATTAN?

By: Hactar

Hactar — Tue, 14 Apr 2009 14:18:14 -0800

Dr. Strangelove: Attempted impotence cure brings about the end of the world. The Shining: Man attempts to confront his demons, care for his mentally disturbed boy. Saving Private Ryan: Army sacrifices eight men to avoid PR disaster. Predator II: Rouge cop hunts illegal alien. Shindler's List: Nazi steals money from Jews, bribes army officials.

By: Navelgazer

Navelgazer — Tue, 14 Apr 2009 14:18:26 -0800

L.A. STORY: Man uses sudden control over nature to stalk ex.

By: oaf

oaf — Tue, 14 Apr 2009 14:18:53 -0800

GOOD BYE LENIN: Wall topples, killing woman.

By: inigo2

inigo2 — Tue, 14 Apr 2009 14:19:14 -0800

HOUSE: Kutner dies.

By: Fuka

Fuka — Tue, 14 Apr 2009 14:19:23 -0800

Color me unimpressed by the lot - its an exercise in taking things out of context and being self-impressed by it. I got some laughs out of a few - but not enough to justify not calling it crap.

By: inigo2

inigo2 — Tue, 14 Apr 2009 14:19:25 -0800

Oh crap -- SPOILER!!

By: ooga_booga

ooga_booga — Tue, 14 Apr 2009 14:21:07 -0800

E.T.: Illegal alien eludes federal authorities.

By: AzraelBrown

AzraelBrown — Tue, 14 Apr 2009 14:22:14 -0800

A STREETCAR NAMED DESIRE: Whore breaks up family.

By: grumblebee

grumblebee — Tue, 14 Apr 2009 14:24:37 -0800

The Wizard of Oz: serial killer from Kansas goes on spree with gang, murders two. The Shining: Demonic kid lures father to his death. Singin' In the Rain: vengeful actor destroys career of beloved star. Oklahoma: wealthy land owners and cowboys humiliate poor farm hand.

By: grumblebee

grumblebee — Tue, 14 Apr 2009 14:26:01 -0800

The Wizard of Oz : head injury, possible stoke, causes intense hallucinations.

By: TimeTravelSpeed

TimeTravelSpeed — Tue, 14 Apr 2009 14:26:04 -0800

Fuka: Self-unimpressed man sucks fun out of light-hearted parodies.

By: JeNeSaisQuoi

JeNeSaisQuoi — Tue, 14 Apr 2009 14:26:08 -0800

Lord of the Rings: Band of midgets walks towards what looks like a flaming vagina, bringing jewelry, in hope of a happy ending.

By: Refugio Nguyen

Refugio Nguyen — Tue, 14 Apr 2009 14:27:35 -0800

REQUIEM FOR A DREAM: Drug addict with financial problems loses boyfriend but learns to make ends meet.

By: Johnny Assay

Johnny Assay — Tue, 14 Apr 2009 14:27:38 -0800

THE BIG LEBOWSKI: Unemployed man unwittingly entangled in schemes of moneyed and international elites; best friend dies as a result.

By: Combustible Edison Lighthouse

Combustible Edison Lighthouse — Tue, 14 Apr 2009 14:27:49 -0800

Color me unimpressed by the lot - its an exercise in taking things out of context and being self-impressed by it. You couldn't think up even one?

By: CaptApollo

CaptApollo — Tue, 14 Apr 2009 14:27:55 -0800

SOUND OF MUSIC: Nun leaves convent, Austria.

By: Atom Eyes

Atom Eyes — Tue, 14 Apr 2009 14:30:51 -0800

OLD YELLER: Boy kills beloved family pet while his father is away on business.

By: phrontist

phrontist — Tue, 14 Apr 2009 14:30:56 -0800

Koyaasiqatsi: World spanning organism of concrete and metal has a pleasant day expanding into planet's countryside; pops zit. The Truman Show: Reality TV show experiences production delays. Dr. Strangelove: Woman maritally unsatisfied due to husband's focus on career. Being John Malkovich: Strange ergot fungus found behind filing cabinet. Wargames: Main character reaches peak of tic-tac-toe career, switches sports, encounters internal conflict.

By: AzraelBrown

AzraelBrown — Tue, 14 Apr 2009 14:30:59 -0800

STRANGER THAN FICTION: Imaginary man that everyone can see screws up writer's next novel.

By: Navelgazer

Navelgazer — Tue, 14 Apr 2009 14:31:39 -0800

FATAL ATTRACTION: An unplanned pregnancy causes complications.

By: Skot

Skot — Tue, 14 Apr 2009 14:33:11 -0800

THE HULK: Angry man throws tantrums; heavy ordnance. SHOWGIRLS: Women empower themselves through public nudity. GOOD WILL HUNTING: A young genius abandons his friends and family.

By: TimeTravelSpeed

TimeTravelSpeed — Tue, 14 Apr 2009 14:33:13 -0800

Waterworld: Man drinks own urine. Makes audience want to do the same.

By: oaf

oaf — Tue, 14 Apr 2009 14:35:56 -0800

DOUBT: Nun has unwavering belief.

By: AzraelBrown

AzraelBrown — Tue, 14 Apr 2009 14:36:32 -0800

FALLING DOWN: Middle-aged man walks home, confronted by the incongruities of rules, castes, and mores along the way.

By: Joe Beese

Joe Beese — Tue, 14 Apr 2009 14:37:26 -0800

Ghostbusters: Reckless use of nuclear technology ruins property value of expensive Central Park West real estate.

By: The Whelk

The Whelk — Tue, 14 Apr 2009 14:38:14 -0800

Oklahoma: wealthy land owners and cowboys humiliate poor farm hand. My god, thank you, I'm watching a bunch of classic musicals for a project and Oklahoma's main plot was completely baffling. Jud is bad because he's ...poor? And ...leers? And then there is a wicked salon dream ballet? What? That and South Pacific's message of sleeping with 14-year-old girls who are being sold into marriage by thier mothers being presented as romantic and how the female lead goes from being a horrifying racist to not quite so horrifyingly racist. And Oh god! The opening shot, shirtless sailors in front of a huge sign that reads "TRADESMEN MUST USE REAR ENTRANCE" right before a song about how sexually frustrated they are with no women around?

By: Navelgazer

Navelgazer — Tue, 14 Apr 2009 14:38:29 -0800

HOME ALONE: Child vigilante administers torture to petty criminals. and I'm already sorry for this one, but: NO COUNTRY FOR OLD MEN: Man tries to compromise with woman, woman still complains.

By: quin

quin — Tue, 14 Apr 2009 14:39:02 -0800

Blues Brothers: Two criminals ruin lives, destroy Illinois law enforcement's transportation and then sing and dance. Highlander: Scottish man outlives many people by beheading them. Spartan: People rarely talk. Some die.

By: phrontist

phrontist — Tue, 14 Apr 2009 14:39:23 -0800

Rainman: Retiree's established routine is interrupted by sudden appearance of his mercurial and cognitively impaired younger brother.

By: winna

winna — Tue, 14 Apr 2009 14:39:32 -0800

Monsieur Hire: man falls in love with his beautiful young neighbor, gives her everything.

By: Navelgazer

Navelgazer — Tue, 14 Apr 2009 14:39:56 -0800

Thank you, The Whelk. I fucking hate hate hate Rogers & Hammerstein.

By: Navelgazer

Navelgazer — Tue, 14 Apr 2009 14:45:15 -0800

ONE FLEW OVER THE CUCKOO'S NEST: Native American meets statutory rapist, takes law into own hands.

By: ooga_booga

ooga_booga — Tue, 14 Apr 2009 14:45:45 -0800

Highlander: Old Scotsman is a pain in the neck.

By: ooga_booga

ooga_booga — Tue, 14 Apr 2009 14:46:08 -0800

Highlander 2: Is a pain.

By: solipsophistocracy

solipsophistocracy — Tue, 14 Apr 2009 14:46:19 -0800

SYNECHDOCHE, NY: Self-obsessed man confuses life and art.

By: AzraelBrown

AzraelBrown — Tue, 14 Apr 2009 14:47:02 -0800

NETWORK: Man is mad as hell, he claims he is not going to take it anymore, so his bosses have him killed.

By: ooga_booga

ooga_booga — Tue, 14 Apr 2009 14:48:27 -0800

Ender's Game: Kid's killing spree blamed on video games.

By: Skot

Skot — Tue, 14 Apr 2009 14:50:04 -0800

LOLITA: A pedophile is deliriously happy for a while. CHINATOWN: Emotions run high over water management issues. OLIVER: Thieving little children are rightfully beaten and starved.

By: The Whelk

The Whelk — Tue, 14 Apr 2009 14:53:06 -0800

SYNECHDOCHE, NY: Self-obsessed man confuses life and art. I watched that *LAST NIGHT* and had this kind of conversation: BF: What did you think? ME: It's very strange, Kaufman always does dreamlike really well but this is almost hallucinatory and funereal. It's like an adaptation of Lanark with Proust thrown in and also The Obscure Object Of Desire. It's nice to see a movie be so completely itself and refuse to do any of the work for you. All the shifting of realities and recursions...what did you think? BF: I think I get to pick the movie next time.

By: Afroblanco

Afroblanco — Tue, 14 Apr 2009 14:54:51 -0800

GHOSTBUSTERS : Nosy environmentalist nearly destroys entire city.

By: DaDaDaDave

DaDaDaDave — Tue, 14 Apr 2009 14:56:18 -0800

A HISTORY OF VIOLENCE: As penance for a lifetime of murder, mayhem and deception, man must visit Philadelphia.

By: Astro Zombie

Astro Zombie — Tue, 14 Apr 2009 14:56:29 -0800

Charly: Retarded man learns something, forgets it.

By: AzraelBrown

AzraelBrown — Tue, 14 Apr 2009 14:56:37 -0800

PERFECT STRANGERS: Well-meaning immigrant causes emotional breakdown of struggling everyman. SMALL WONDER: Lonely couple ignore son, provide love and attention to appliance. X-FILES: Federal agents consistently ineffective in preventing crime or arresting criminals. GREEN ACRES: Rude retiree is tolerated by small-town citizens. BEVERLY HILLBILLIES: Frugal investor avoids being dragged into financial ruin by greedy banker.

By: Joe Beese

Joe Beese — Tue, 14 Apr 2009 14:57:08 -0800

The Cook, The Thief, His Wife, and Her Lover: French chef creates innovative new dish for his favorite customer.

By: Smedleyman

Smedleyman — Tue, 14 Apr 2009 14:57:38 -0800

PASSION OF THE CHRIST: an exercise in taking things out of context and being self-impressed by it.

By: jabberjaw

jabberjaw — Tue, 14 Apr 2009 14:58:28 -0800

The original list is lazy. And most of you either don't get it, or aren't quite as clever as you think you are.

By: oaf

oaf — Tue, 14 Apr 2009 14:58:36 -0800

MYSTIC RIVER: Sean Penn has anger issues.

By: solipsophistocracy

solipsophistocracy — Tue, 14 Apr 2009 14:59:36 -0800

GHOSTBUSTERS: Important theological message learned by some.

By: Afroblanco

Afroblanco — Tue, 14 Apr 2009 14:59:38 -0800

JABBERJAW : Man misses point, fails to amuse anybody.

By: Afroblanco

Afroblanco — Tue, 14 Apr 2009 15:00:04 -0800

or really, more like : JABBERJAW : Scooby Doo is apparently a shark now.

By: Astro Zombie

Astro Zombie — Tue, 14 Apr 2009 15:00:48 -0800

METAFILTER: most of you either don't get it, or aren't quite as clever as you think you are

By: Joe Beese

Joe Beese — Tue, 14 Apr 2009 15:03:33 -0800

jabberjaw: "most of you either don't get it, or aren't quite as clever as you think you are." It's true that some of ours aren't as funny as your one about... Wait. Something's not right here.

By: urbanwhaleshark

urbanwhaleshark — Tue, 14 Apr 2009 15:05:37 -0800

GRIZZLY MAN: Crunch, crunch, crunch.

By: solipsophistocracy

solipsophistocracy — Tue, 14 Apr 2009 15:05:55 -0800

JABBERJAW: Frustrated by inexplicable obsession with cartoon shark, man lashes out at internet peers.

By: The Whelk

The Whelk — Tue, 14 Apr 2009 15:06:06 -0800

THE ADDAMS FAMILY: A family of sociopaths obsessed with death torment and kill innocent people.

By: klangklangston

klangklangston — Tue, 14 Apr 2009 15:07:02 -0800

Um, noting that these are supposed to be uncomfortable misreadings, not just simplistic misrenderings, Jabberjaw has a point, and the attempted zings on him reinforce it. How is "Scooby Doo is apparently a shark now" uncomfortable? SCOOBIE DOO: Junkie and dog run from hallucinations, harass businessmen.

By: Afroblanco

Afroblanco — Tue, 14 Apr 2009 15:10:15 -0800

"Scooby Doo is apparently a shark now" uncomfortable? Because the user in question apparently felt the need to take their username from a lame Scooby Doo ripoff. Anyway, this dumb serious discussion is ruining a delightfully silly thread. Everyone, please continue.

By: exogenous

exogenous — Tue, 14 Apr 2009 15:11:01 -0800

ON THE WATERFRONT: Corruption uprooted by pigeon enthusiast.

By: pokermonk

pokermonk — Tue, 14 Apr 2009 15:12:03 -0800

Metafilter: Average citizens fib about doing their jobs to impress strangers doing the same. Meanwhile, world economy collapses.

By: Ndwright

Ndwright — Tue, 14 Apr 2009 15:13:05 -0800

RASHOMON: Something happens. Nobody can agree on what. PIRATES OF THE CARRIBEAN: A young girl and her eunuch bodyguard are unwittingly drawn into a feud between two criminals. SPIDER-MAN: A man repeatedly fails to kill his son's best friend. RAIDERS OF THE LOST ARK: An adventurer is repeatedly thwarted by Nazis.

By: Orange Pamplemousse

Orange Pamplemousse — Tue, 14 Apr 2009 15:16:18 -0800

FREE WILLY: Young runaway steals orca. BEAUTY AND THE BEAST: A young woman is imprisoned with her captor until Stockholm syndrome occurs. GLADIATOR: A newly crowned Roman emperor's obsession with the arena leads to his death.

By: East Manitoba Regional Junior Kabaddi Champion '94

East Manitoba Regional Junior Kabaddi Champion '94 — Tue, 14 Apr 2009 15:21:00 -0800

CITIZEN KANE: Deranged sociopath annoyed at losing sled

By: quin

quin — Tue, 14 Apr 2009 15:21:57 -0800

GLADIATOR: Murderer kills Roman emperor in front of audience.

By: Devils Slide

Devils Slide — Tue, 14 Apr 2009 15:23:26 -0800

THE ENGLISH PATIENT: Entitled nobleman seduces married woman and leaves her to die in the desert.

By: No Robots

No Robots — Tue, 14 Apr 2009 15:26:44 -0800

Pulp Fiction: Boxer and hitman battle over lost treasure.

By: Skot

Skot — Tue, 14 Apr 2009 15:28:27 -0800

TOOTSIE: A famous transvestite destroys the lives of all around her. FEARLESS: Man survives plane crash and is resultantly depressed.

By: East Manitoba Regional Junior Kabaddi Champion '94

East Manitoba Regional Junior Kabaddi Champion '94 — Tue, 14 Apr 2009 15:28:56 -0800

PULP FICTION: Two very different men deal with the trauma of having objects in their rectum

By: inigo2

inigo2 — Tue, 14 Apr 2009 15:29:54 -0800

ALIVE: Men bond over dinner.

By: winna

winna — Tue, 14 Apr 2009 15:30:04 -0800

Cold Comfort Farm: A woman breaks up her rural family's incestuous love affairs.

By: oulipian

oulipian — Tue, 14 Apr 2009 15:32:02 -0800

Spirited Away: Schizophrenic ten-year-old girl is enslaved and tormented by hallucinations after being abandoned by parents. Labyrinth: Inexperienced babysitter keeps infant from sleep by turning on David Bowie. Pan's Labyrinth: Schizophrenic ten-year-old girl is enslaved and tormented by hallucinations after being abandoned by parents. Werner Herzog Eats His Shoe: Werner Herzog Shits His Oeuvre.

By: uandt

uandt — Tue, 14 Apr 2009 15:33:35 -0800

GODZILLA: Giant lizard defines several kinds of awesome

By: Doktor Zed

Doktor Zed — Tue, 14 Apr 2009 15:34:39 -0800

CLOSE ENCOUNTERS OF THE THIRD KIND: Alien abduction preferable to marriage and children. IT'S A WONDERFUL LIFE: Small town existence drives self-sacrificing, ambitious man to commit felony, attempt suicide; is saved by narcissistic hallucinations. LOLITA: Lonely widow woos handsome lodger to provide suitable stepfather for daughter.

By: GuyZero

GuyZero — Tue, 14 Apr 2009 15:35:25 -0800

So far my takeaway from this thread is that this type of summary is harder than it looks at first glance. Keep tryin' folks.

By: The Whelk

The Whelk — Tue, 14 Apr 2009 15:35:53 -0800

actually Oulipian, I think it's more like this LABYRINTH: Fantasy creatures torment spoiled girl into giving up what she loves.

By: Ambrosia Voyeur

Ambrosia Voyeur — Tue, 14 Apr 2009 15:37:06 -0800

ERASERHEAD: an unplanned pregnancy results in complications.

By: East Manitoba Regional Junior Kabaddi Champion '94

East Manitoba Regional Junior Kabaddi Champion '94 — Tue, 14 Apr 2009 15:38:37 -0800

SLUMDOG MILLIONAIRE: Man discovers the solution to abject global poverty: random chance

By: clearly

clearly — Tue, 14 Apr 2009 15:39:14 -0800

RESERVOIR DOGS: Severed ear, gasoline, and Bob Dylan.

By: uandt

uandt — Tue, 14 Apr 2009 15:40:18 -0800

SUPERMAN: an unplanned adoption results in complications.

By: shmegegge

shmegegge — Tue, 14 Apr 2009 15:40:24 -0800

HIGH ANXIETY: Mel Brooks stops being funny.

By: Krrrlson

Krrrlson — Tue, 14 Apr 2009 15:40:29 -0800

HAMLET: Deranged coward harasses and kills the last surviving members of his family, gives away country to lifelong enemy.

By: Joe Beese

Joe Beese — Tue, 14 Apr 2009 15:42:42 -0800

Crash (David Cronenberg): Shared enthusiasm for an obscure hobby leads to romance

By: The Whelk

The Whelk — Tue, 14 Apr 2009 15:42:53 -0800

HAMLET: The Queen's new marriage is threatened by her mentally unstable son.

By: nomisxid

nomisxid — Tue, 14 Apr 2009 15:43:09 -0800

Legend - Tim Curry gets extra horny for Mia Sara. Tom Cruise cavorts in the snow.

By: Krrrlson

Krrrlson — Tue, 14 Apr 2009 15:43:22 -0800

BATMAN RETURNS: Millionaire murders a disadvantaged, orphaned cripple.

By: uandt

uandt — Tue, 14 Apr 2009 15:44:54 -0800

ROMEO AND JULIET: Kids can't stay off lawn; Dies

By: East Manitoba Regional Junior Kabaddi Champion '94

East Manitoba Regional Junior Kabaddi Champion '94 — Tue, 14 Apr 2009 15:45:25 -0800

NIGHT OF THE LIVING DEAD: Cops kill black man

By: Krrrlson

Krrrlson — Tue, 14 Apr 2009 15:45:28 -0800

BATMAN RETURNS (v2): Sexually frustrated furries battle for control of city.

By: East Manitoba Regional Junior Kabaddi Champion '94

East Manitoba Regional Junior Kabaddi Champion '94 — Tue, 14 Apr 2009 15:48:01 -0800

24: Torture works

By: Zambrano

Zambrano — Tue, 14 Apr 2009 15:49:24 -0800

Rocky didn't win that first fight. Clint Eastwood didn't hang Eli Wallach.

By: Joe Beese

Joe Beese — Tue, 14 Apr 2009 15:50:18 -0800

They Shoot Horses, Don't They?: Producer overcomes obstacles to present entertaining show.

By: uandt

uandt — Tue, 14 Apr 2009 15:50:34 -0800

WITNESS: Loser cop fails nailing amish hottie

By: East Manitoba Regional Junior Kabaddi Champion '94

East Manitoba Regional Junior Kabaddi Champion '94 — Tue, 14 Apr 2009 15:51:11 -0800

THE WEST WING: Deranged liberal reacts to the Bush v Gore verdict with vivid hallucinations

By: jabberjaw

jabberjaw — Tue, 14 Apr 2009 15:52:25 -0800

JABBERJAW: Closeted gay musician confronts racist society.

By: uandt

uandt — Tue, 14 Apr 2009 15:53:05 -0800

TOP GUN: Closeted homosexual starts WW3 to gain love/respect from coworker

By: Krrrlson

Krrrlson — Tue, 14 Apr 2009 15:54:09 -0800

12 ANGRY MEN: Bleeding-heart liberal bullies jury into acquitting likely murderer.

By: FelliniBlank

FelliniBlank — Tue, 14 Apr 2009 15:54:48 -0800

GRAVE OF THE FIREFLIES: Unsupervised minors go on petty crime spree, fad diet.

By: Danf

Danf — Tue, 14 Apr 2009 15:56:53 -0800

No Country for Old Men: Christ, what an asshole.

By: box

box — Tue, 14 Apr 2009 15:58:04 -0800

FOXFIRE: Homeless lesbian recruits teenagers for vandalism, tattoos.

By: Joe Beese

Joe Beese — Tue, 14 Apr 2009 15:58:36 -0800

1984: Lonely man learns to love

By: East Manitoba Regional Junior Kabaddi Champion '94

East Manitoba Regional Junior Kabaddi Champion '94 — Tue, 14 Apr 2009 16:00:48 -0800

THE BIRTH OF A NATION: A valiant knight triumphs over the forces of darkness

By: dinty_moore

dinty_moore — Tue, 14 Apr 2009 16:04:24 -0800

The Breakfast Club: Four teens convince a nerd into writing an essay for them.

By: wendell

wendell — Tue, 14 Apr 2009 16:04:24 -0800

Okay, so it appears that "an unplanned pregnancy results in complications" can be ironically applied to 27% of all the movies ever made (and 37% of the sci-fi). I never knew. If I may join the fun (because I STARTED IT): SUPERMAN: Newspaper writer moonlights. (a more common practice lately) BATTLESTAR GALACTICA: Battle with difficult machines ends when people reject technology (with some exceptions 'grandfathered' in) I LOVE LUCY: Immigrant marries unstable woman to stay in country. GILLIGAN'S ISLAND: Not all 'Desert Island Scenarios' involve sex. MY MOTHER THE CAR: Unstable man influenced by voice on car radio. 12 ANGRY MEN: "Jury of your peers" is an unachievable standard. THE BIRDS: Small town doomed by bad relationship with ecology. THE MATRIX: Underachiever becomes incredibly powerful in a different culture.

By: notashroom

notashroom — Tue, 14 Apr 2009 16:05:48 -0800

Pocahontas: Explorer, pedophile commits genocide, is hailed as hero. Fargo: Lumberjack lookalike finds new use for wood chipper. Forrest Gump: Politeness, hard work, blind obedience to authority keys to success for developmentally delayed. Natural Born Killers: Love triumphs over all. The Children's Hour: Lesbian removed from proximity to impressionable children. Gaslight: Woman nags husband about utilities, home repair. Nell: Stalker traumatizes, abducts shy homebound woman.

By: Krrrlson

Krrrlson — Tue, 14 Apr 2009 16:08:00 -0800

AMELIE: Delusional sociopaths defy Darwin.

By: jabberjaw

jabberjaw — Tue, 14 Apr 2009 16:08:22 -0800

THE DIVING BELL AND THE BUTTERFLY: Two-timing womanizer gets his comeuppance.

By: FelliniBlank

FelliniBlank — Tue, 14 Apr 2009 16:10:24 -0800

MR. SMITH GOES TO WASHINGTON: Boy-loving hick given free access to Congressional pages.

By: wendell

wendell — Tue, 14 Apr 2009 16:10:39 -0800

24: A tight deadline and lax supervision can fix most problems. HOUSE: Doctors should not be punished for misdiagnosis (the first three times) LOST: Nothing makes sense. HEROES: With great power comes ridiculous problems. LIFE ON MARS (UK): For man ahead of his time, suicide is a good option. LIFE ON MARS (US): For man ahead of his time, it's just a software problem.

By: Joe Beese

Joe Beese — Tue, 14 Apr 2009 16:13:26 -0800

Christiane F. - Teenager girl lives out her dream of attending a David Bowie concert

By: turgid dahlia

turgid dahlia — Tue, 14 Apr 2009 16:14:07 -0800

DEATH PROOF: Accident-prone teetotaller is ruthlessly hunted down and butchered by a bunch of stoned, loud-mouthed women

By: Mintyblonde

Mintyblonde — Tue, 14 Apr 2009 16:20:24 -0800

A CLOCKWORK ORANGE - Murderous teen awarded Government Scholarship.

By: kirkaracha

kirkaracha — Tue, 14 Apr 2009 16:21:09 -0800

THE VANISHING: Man tries to share girlfriend's experiences and is smothered.

By: LionIndex

LionIndex — Tue, 14 Apr 2009 16:25:13 -0800

LOST HORIZON: Man believes subjugating native population brings about paradise. THE FALL: Druggie enlists girl as accomplice. BLAZING SADDLES: Black man ruins plans for economic development. YOUNG FRANKENSTEIN: Man resorts to reanimating the dead to be rid of hellish fiancee.

By: turgid dahlia

turgid dahlia — Tue, 14 Apr 2009 16:28:54 -0800

THE MATRIX: Backflipping goths massacre minimum-wage security guards

By: geos

geos — Tue, 14 Apr 2009 16:31:52 -0800

APOCALYPSE NOW: Lyndon B Johnson is the King of Belgium

By: Joe Beese

Joe Beese — Tue, 14 Apr 2009 16:31:53 -0800

Arlington Road: Loving couple find way to deal with nosy neighbor

By: painquale

painquale — Tue, 14 Apr 2009 16:33:34 -0800

MONSTERS INC.: Power station technicians gain possession of a biological toxin. HARVEY: Outcast's raging alcoholism is justified.

By: Ambrosia Voyeur

Ambrosia Voyeur — Tue, 14 Apr 2009 16:35:00 -0800

EYES WIDE SHUT: Wife reveals to her husband her desire for other men, he gets upset, she consoles him with promises of regular fucking.

By: turgid dahlia

turgid dahlia — Tue, 14 Apr 2009 16:35:05 -0800

UNFORGIVEN: Murderer takes short break from murdering, refreshing self for further murder

By: Joe Beese

Joe Beese — Tue, 14 Apr 2009 16:35:53 -0800

Leaving Las Vegas: Woman helps boyfriend realize his ambition

By: Smedleyman

Smedleyman — Tue, 14 Apr 2009 16:41:35 -0800

BALLISTIC: ECKS VS. SEVER: most of you either don't get it, or aren't quite as clever as you think you are YOUNG FRANKENSTEIN: Accents on patronymic umlats, Terri Garr’s rack

By: turgid dahlia

turgid dahlia — Tue, 14 Apr 2009 16:41:36 -0800

GREASE: Lawless teens step on everything

By: brundlefly

brundlefly — Tue, 14 Apr 2009 16:43:31 -0800

THE QUICK AND THE DEAD: An emotionally scarred woman who shot her own father sleeps with a teenage boy, convinces a peaceful preacher to kill people, and destroys most of a small town with gunpowder.

By: Afroblanco

Afroblanco — Tue, 14 Apr 2009 16:46:20 -0800

THE PRODUCERS : Corrupt moneymen create institution that's "too big to fail." It fails.

By: AzraelBrown

AzraelBrown — Tue, 14 Apr 2009 16:46:40 -0800

ROAD TO PERDITION: Son tries, fails to take up family business.

By: AzraelBrown

AzraelBrown — Tue, 14 Apr 2009 16:51:44 -0800

FARENHEIT 451: Insufferable boor tries to get people to listen to his annoying lectures about how TV rots your brain and how much he reads, only to find out people would much rather talk about what they watched last night.

By: Joe Beese

Joe Beese — Tue, 14 Apr 2009 16:53:14 -0800

King Lear: Two sisters work together to cope with their father's dementia

By: Ambrosia Voyeur

Ambrosia Voyeur — Tue, 14 Apr 2009 16:54:33 -0800

SHE DOESN'T CONVINCE CORT TO KILL! NOOOOOOOOO YER WRONGGGG /shockingly enormous fangirl of TQATD ps. Spotted Horse cannot be killed by a bullet.

By: Afroblanco

Afroblanco — Tue, 14 Apr 2009 16:57:01 -0800

THE LION KING : Animated jungle creatures re-enact Hamlet. THE ROCKY HORROR PICTURE SHOW : Transvestite Jesus gives his life so that square Americans can discover their sexuality.

By: kittens for breakfast

kittens for breakfast — Tue, 14 Apr 2009 17:04:10 -0800

MULHOLLAND DR.: Man in late middle-age directs failed television pilot, adds graphic lesbian sex scene, releases the result as a feature film and is nominated for an Oscar DEAD RINGERS: Lonely boys grow up to find love, women with mutant vaginas, drugs, cake, no ice cream, death HELLBOY: Terrifying monster frightens away a young woman's paramour, preys on her insecurities, seduces her JAWS: Hounded animal is shot, stabbed and finally gruesomely murdered GHOST WORLD: Obnoxious young woman, bored, destroys man's life, gets on a bus AUDITION: Jealous child ruins lonely woman's one great chance at love BAD LIEUTENANT: Drug-addicted policeman has religious experience, fails to arrest rapists

By: Chrischris

Chrischris — Tue, 14 Apr 2009 17:05:43 -0800

Mary Poppins: Investment banker makes a poor hiring choice.

By: turgid dahlia

turgid dahlia — Tue, 14 Apr 2009 17:09:28 -0800

IRREVERSIBLE: French dude has sex with smoking hot chick but takes ages to finish because he's a gay

By: turgid dahlia

turgid dahlia — Tue, 14 Apr 2009 17:12:15 -0800

JAWS: Hounded animal is shot, stabbed and finally gruesomely murdered Reading that reminded me of a "Movies In Reverse" plot summary I read for Jaws on 4chan: "Enormous shark throws up so many people that they need to open a beach."

By: Chrischris

Chrischris — Tue, 14 Apr 2009 17:15:31 -0800

V for Vendetta: Terrorist brainwashes innocent women, attempts to destroy London. West Side Story: Criminal delinquents sing, dance, murder each other.

By: vibrotronica

vibrotronica — Tue, 14 Apr 2009 17:16:52 -0800

EYES WIDE SHUT: Whoremonger stumbles upon sex magic ritual, nothing happens. THE STAR WARS SAGA: Two unplanned pregnancies result in complications.

By: Ritchie

Ritchie — Tue, 14 Apr 2009 17:20:46 -0800

CLOVERFIELD: Self-absorbed yuppies have a hard time finding their way to Midtown Manhattan, end up in Central Park. I prefer CLOVERFIELD: Self-absorbed yuppie's refusal to evacuate disaster area leads to death of friends, self.

By: Chrischris

Chrischris — Tue, 14 Apr 2009 17:26:46 -0800

Sound of Music: Draft-dodger seduces his nanny, flees authorities, sings off key.

By: pokermonk

pokermonk — Tue, 14 Apr 2009 17:27:35 -0800

Lost, Season 1: White westerners have mental breakdowns while an Iraqi does their dirty work. Lost, Season 2: Local residents torment survivors of a disaster while preventing them from returning to their homes. This drives a black man to kill a doctor and a cop. Lost, Season 3: A man travels through time in order to discover there is no such thing as free will. Lost, Season 4: Scientists and mercenaries arrive on an island with an ultimatum for its inhabitants: give us your leader, or we kill everyone. Lost, Season 5: It is revealed that the resurrection of Jesus Christ wasn't all that special. Happy Easter, fuckers.

By: FelliniBlank

FelliniBlank — Tue, 14 Apr 2009 17:31:42 -0800

DR. ZHIVAGO: Blissfully ignorant young woman informed that she's the bastard offspring of adulterers. or Unplanned pregnancy results in complications. BRIDGE ON THE RIVER KWAI: Malcontent destroys public works project. RYAN'S DAUGHTER: Schoolteacher betrayed by nymphomaniac and foreign invader.

By: TedW

TedW — Tue, 14 Apr 2009 17:36:47 -0800

BAMBI: unwed mother gunned down by stranger, leavng son to be raised by absentee father

By: Fiasco da Gama

Fiasco da Gama — Tue, 14 Apr 2009 17:46:41 -0800

ANIMAL FARM: The pursuit of liberty and equality leads inevitably to brutal dictatorship

By: notashroom

notashroom — Tue, 14 Apr 2009 17:47:41 -0800

Deliverance: Pals on vacation have wacky misadventure. Poltergeist: Family regrets real estate investment. Blair Witch Project: Teen disregards advice to carry handkerchief, finds self in peril Steel Magnolias: Unplanned pregnancy results in complications Carrie: Girl is burning sensation at high school prom Ma Vie en Rose: Transvestite child threatens family harmony, alarms village Porky's: Teens plan terrorist attack on local business Helter Skelter: Unsupervised young people gather, hijinks ensue Brokedown Palace: Vacationing girl learns Thai culture, value of loyalty Real Women Have Curves: Rebellious teen causes heartache for menopausal mother

By: Smedleyman

Smedleyman — Tue, 14 Apr 2009 17:49:08 -0800

BAD LIEUTENANT: Teens demonstrate the meaning of color coded jelly bracelets to a police official ZOOLANDER: Male model masterminds intricate scheme to defeat international crime cartel, open learning academy. THE TEN COMMANDMENTS: Unplanned adoption results in complications, commandments.

By: TheWhiteSkull

TheWhiteSkull — Tue, 14 Apr 2009 17:51:02 -0800

RAIN MAN: Man exploits autistic sibling. SOYLENT GREEN: Disgruntled cop tries to disrupt food supplies, fails. BATTLESTAR GALACTICA: Robots solve humanity's problems. MY NEIGHBOR TOTORO: Mother's illness causes girl to enter fugue state, endanger sister. RED DAWN: Survivalist is right.

By: Smedleyman

Smedleyman — Tue, 14 Apr 2009 17:52:58 -0800

DR. ZHIVAGO: 197 minutes establish world’s most expensive cocaine reference

By: The Great Big Mulp

The Great Big Mulp — Tue, 14 Apr 2009 17:54:05 -0800

GHOST DOG: Hitman dies, becomes role model. BOONDOCK SAINTS: Serial killers aided by FBI agent. REPO MAN: Man without drivers license steals flying car.

By: Fiasco da Gama

Fiasco da Gama — Tue, 14 Apr 2009 17:55:35 -0800

2001: A SPACE ODYSSEY: Dave's not here, man

By: jokeefe

jokeefe — Tue, 14 Apr 2009 17:58:16 -0800

CAPOTE: Two misfits meet, find love And THE DIVING BELL AND THE BUTTERFLY: Two-timing womanizer gets his comeuppance. Bwa haha!

By: wholebroad

wholebroad — Tue, 14 Apr 2009 18:00:06 -0800

THE CHANGELING: Bitter woman shuns orphan, receives mental health treatment. FOUR WEDDINGS AND A FUNERAL: American sociopath seduces hapless Brit. MILLION DOLLAR BABY: Boxer murders lonely woman.

By: Krrrlson

Krrrlson — Tue, 14 Apr 2009 18:13:44 -0800

THE SHINING: A door repairman has his work cut out for him.

By: sarcasman

sarcasman — Tue, 14 Apr 2009 18:20:28 -0800

MEDEA: woman wins custody battle. OEDIPUS: Abandoned child briefly reunited with family.

By: sixswitch

sixswitch — Tue, 14 Apr 2009 18:20:53 -0800

MOMMIE DEAREST: Spoiled daughter thwarts, disrespects hard-working single mother. AUNTIE MAME: Gin-crazed deviant kills husband, kidnaps grandchild, pimps out secretary, employs five full-time interior decorators. METROPOLIS: Evil twin of robot destroys city in attempt to perform revolutionary head/hand/heart surgery.

By: Joe Beese

Joe Beese — Tue, 14 Apr 2009 18:21:05 -0800

FelliniBlank: "DR. ZHIVAGO... BRIDGE ON THE RIVER KWAI... RYAN'S DAUGHTER... ." you leave me no choice... Lawrence of Arabia: Misfit learns the true meaning of being a soldier

By: sarcasman

sarcasman — Tue, 14 Apr 2009 18:22:11 -0800

RED DAWN: Teens given real world civic lessons.

By: shadytrees

shadytrees — Tue, 14 Apr 2009 18:24:14 -0800

GATTACA: Parents try to destroy son's life, fails to anticipate his incredible luck.

By: sarcasman

sarcasman — Tue, 14 Apr 2009 18:30:50 -0800

FARGO: Minnesota man fails to get the principle.

By: Dr-Baa

Dr-Baa — Tue, 14 Apr 2009 18:35:03 -0800

REAL GENIUS: Irresponsible students destroy national defense project. Also, popcorn.

By: The Power Nap

The Power Nap — Tue, 14 Apr 2009 18:45:56 -0800

DROP DEAD FRED: Mentaly disturbed woman abandons mother and destroys her marrage, affects mental health of those close to her.

By: subbes

subbes — Tue, 14 Apr 2009 18:47:00 -0800

POM POKO: Tanuki terrorize, plan massacre of inhabitants of new suburb.

By: Fiasco da Gama

Fiasco da Gama — Tue, 14 Apr 2009 18:48:50 -0800

Lawrence of Arabia: Misfit learns the true meaning of being a soldier I prefer "War Hero Kills: Rather Likes It, Actually" DIRTY DOZEN: A group of militarist fanatics and their suicide mission MASADA: A group of religious fanatics and their suicide mission ALAMO: A group of nationalist fanatics and their suicide mission

By: EatTheWeak

EatTheWeak — Tue, 14 Apr 2009 18:50:09 -0800

TRANSFORMERS: Alien robot heroes transform into Chevy ad that audience pays to see.

By: jessamyn

jessamyn — Tue, 14 Apr 2009 18:56:57 -0800

CLOVERFIELD: Self-absorbed yuppie's refusal to evacuate disaster area leads to death of friends, self. I AM LEGEND: Gentrification's one holdout. There goes the neighborhood.

By: patr1ck

patr1ck — Tue, 14 Apr 2009 19:06:24 -0800

HARD CANDY: Medical student and photographer share drinks, laughs.

By: maxwelton

maxwelton — Tue, 14 Apr 2009 19:10:13 -0800

Christine: Fixing up an old car costs more than teen imagines. Shawshank Redemption: Man discovers escaping from prison is pretty shitty. Bolt: Lost boy in big city learns his true nature after discovering pussy.

By: box

box — Tue, 14 Apr 2009 19:10:20 -0800

WHAT'S EATING GILBERT GRAPE: Young man beats up his disabled brother, burns down the family home.

By: jabberjaw

jabberjaw — Tue, 14 Apr 2009 19:15:50 -0800

How about CLOVERFIELD: Douchebag bitches about his last night in Manhattan on a shaky camera.

By: kosher_jenny

kosher_jenny — Tue, 14 Apr 2009 19:20:27 -0800

The Iliad: Mercenary throws hissy fit, gets lover killed

By: Afroblanco

Afroblanco — Tue, 14 Apr 2009 19:21:06 -0800

CHRISTINE : Rebellious youth discovers love, auto repair.

By: klangklangston

klangklangston — Tue, 14 Apr 2009 19:28:23 -0800

THE ILIAD: Gay pouting leads to disfigured corpse.

By: Inspector.Gadget

Inspector.Gadget — Tue, 14 Apr 2009 19:31:57 -0800

Death Sentence: Formerly mild-mannered risk assessor kills young men for their muscle cars, crashes them anyway.

By: Inspector.Gadget

Inspector.Gadget — Tue, 14 Apr 2009 19:33:42 -0800

Hot Fuzz: Bored small-town cops torment mentally retarded people, blow up pub to deny them access.

By: box

box — Tue, 14 Apr 2009 19:35:20 -0800

HEAT: A long romance ends in tragedy.

By: Inspector.Gadget

Inspector.Gadget — Tue, 14 Apr 2009 19:35:34 -0800

Shine A Light: Middle-aged gay man teaches interpretive dance to a crowd of awkward 40-somethings with the help of a backing band and a few classic Rolling Stones songs.

By: the cydonian

the cydonian — Tue, 14 Apr 2009 19:41:08 -0800

Here are my versions: SLUMDOG MILLIONAIRE: Bombay Dreams now cost two million Indian Rupees. BLUES BROTHERS 2000: Everything's better with song and dance. HANCOCK: You need super-human strength to get away from your ex. LADY IN THE WATER: Even in children's fables, climax scenes happen only after all cameras are in place.

By: Fiasco da Gama

Fiasco da Gama — Tue, 14 Apr 2009 19:41:08 -0800

KARATE KID: A war-traumatised loner passes on the cycle of violence to the next generation

By: box

box — Tue, 14 Apr 2009 19:42:16 -0800

GIMME SHELTER: Thanks to the help of real-life lawyer Melvin Belli, Mick Jagger gets away with murder.

By: suetanvil

suetanvil — Tue, 14 Apr 2009 19:43:13 -0800

ANGEL: Mostly-retired sadistic serial killer reminisces about his glory days while trying to avoid their lingering consequences. ARRESTED DEVELOPMENT: Middle son attempts to seize control of the family fortune in his father's absence. The secret to doing these is to provide a mostly-true summary but nuanced to make it sound much, much worse. This is basically how Focus on the Family would present the movies and TV shows it critiqued back when I used to read their mailings.

By: box

box — Tue, 14 Apr 2009 19:44:12 -0800

THE LAST WALTZ: Rich guys hire Martin Scorsese to film their retirement party.

By: roystgnr

roystgnr — Tue, 14 Apr 2009 19:48:43 -0800

THE MATRIX: Computer geek quits his job to spend more time playing a superhero in an online game.

By: roystgnr

roystgnr — Tue, 14 Apr 2009 19:54:44 -0800

BACK TO THE FUTURE: Eccentric old loner helps his friend's father hook up with a teenaged girl.

By: roystgnr

roystgnr — Tue, 14 Apr 2009 19:59:01 -0800

SUPERMAN: Vigilante violates laws of nature to protect his interspecies relationship.

By: box

box — Tue, 14 Apr 2009 20:04:38 -0800

EASTERN PROMISES: Chauffeur helps facilitate an adoption.

By: not_that_epiphanius

not_that_epiphanius — Tue, 14 Apr 2009 20:05:38 -0800

The Unit: Organized criminals murder people overseas.

By: Ubiq

Ubiq — Tue, 14 Apr 2009 20:19:27 -0800

Superman 2: Lawmaker abandons his responsibilities because love interest doesn't appreciate his career.

By: klangklangston

klangklangston — Tue, 14 Apr 2009 20:20:01 -0800

BLUES BROTHERS: White felons perpetrate minstrel show, return to prison.

By: agent

agent — Tue, 14 Apr 2009 20:20:27 -0800

Shrek: Conservative monster petitions government to evict immigrants. Neon Genesis Evangelion: Deranged boy drives mother to kill God. Akira: Self-absorbed delinquent absorbs self, Tokyo.

By: Fiasco da Gama

Fiasco da Gama — Tue, 14 Apr 2009 20:31:22 -0800

GODSPELL: For his cryptic aphorisms, a clown is punished with torture and execution.

By: Ritchie

Ritchie — Tue, 14 Apr 2009 20:36:56 -0800

THE MATRIX: Emo kid griefs, hax MMOG.

By: hojoki

hojoki — Tue, 14 Apr 2009 20:46:48 -0800

THERE WILL BE BLOOD: Oilman struggles with his faith.

By: hojoki

hojoki — Tue, 14 Apr 2009 20:55:10 -0800

TAXI DRIVER: Young war veteran is the last to witness an attractive Cybill Shepherd.

By: ymgve

ymgve — Tue, 14 Apr 2009 20:57:55 -0800

EQUILIBRIUM: Man stops taking medication, kills coworkers.

By: Fiasco da Gama

Fiasco da Gama — Tue, 14 Apr 2009 20:59:11 -0800

FORREST GUMP: A moron named after a racist enjoys good fortune. This is an allegory for the American Dream.

By: Afroblanco

Afroblanco — Tue, 14 Apr 2009 21:02:03 -0800

GREY GARDENS : Reclusive, disposophobic daughter enables mother to live in squalor and isolation.

By: The Whelk

The Whelk — Tue, 14 Apr 2009 21:06:44 -0800

THE DREAMERS: French misfits reenact scenes from their favorite movies.

By: Afroblanco

Afroblanco — Tue, 14 Apr 2009 21:07:47 -0800

CLERKS : Nothing is funnier than dick jokes. MALL RATS : Nothing is funnier than dick jokes. CHASING AMY : Heh heh. Heh heh. Lesbians are hot. JAY AND SILENT BOB STRICK BACK : Nothing is funnier than dick jokes. DOGMA : Nothing is funnier than Catholics.

By: The Whelk

The Whelk — Tue, 14 Apr 2009 21:07:54 -0800

A CHORUS LINE: Sadistic director forces starving dancers to confess their secrets.

By: Halloween Jack

Halloween Jack — Tue, 14 Apr 2009 21:08:50 -0800

I can't believe they passed up any of the Star Trek movies. STAR TREK II: Officer cheats on test, gets best friend killed. STAR TREK V: Officer finds God, won't give him a lift. STAR TREK GENERATIONS: Officer gets self killed, twice. STAR TREK FIRST CONTACT: Selfish behavior excused by Herman Melville. Again.

By: Afroblanco

Afroblanco — Tue, 14 Apr 2009 21:11:24 -0800

SPACE CAMP : Juvenile delinquents steal space ship and use it to cause millions of dollars worth of damage.

By: The Whelk

The Whelk — Tue, 14 Apr 2009 21:13:09 -0800

SUPERMAN RETURNS: Unstoppable Alien stops U.S Economic progress.

By: Afroblanco

Afroblanco — Tue, 14 Apr 2009 21:17:18 -0800

WALL STREET : Idealistic young stockbrocker sacrifices himself to expose corruption in the financial sector and save his father's company.

By: The Whelk

The Whelk — Tue, 14 Apr 2009 21:17:50 -0800

THE BIRDS: A wealthy women becomes the center of attention in a small coastal town.

By: porpoise

porpoise — Tue, 14 Apr 2009 21:37:45 -0800

EQUILIBRIUM: Father destroys society to gain son's respect. TRUE ROMANCE: Hooker improves loser's self esteem. EDWARD SCISSORHANDS: Grandma reminicses on old boyfriend.

By: Down10

Down10 — Tue, 14 Apr 2009 21:46:16 -0800

STARSHIP TROOPERS: A city is secretly destroyed by veterans in order to justify sending thousands of children into space to battle insects.

By: anti social order

anti social order — Tue, 14 Apr 2009 21:47:21 -0800

GODZILLA VS KING KONG: Invasive species disrupt Japan countryside, government measures ineffective.

By: turgid dahlia

turgid dahlia — Tue, 14 Apr 2009 21:48:55 -0800

WAR OF THE WORLDS: Using total annihilation by space aliens as a distraction, dockworker murders frightened man.

By: Down10

Down10 — Tue, 14 Apr 2009 21:49:34 -0800

THE LAWNMOWER MAN: Retarded man cuts grass, becomes an evil cybernetic overlord.

By: anti social order

anti social order — Tue, 14 Apr 2009 21:51:14 -0800

FALLING DOWN: Unemployed man has trouble getting breakfast, goes shopping, meets family at beach.

By: Down10

Down10 — Tue, 14 Apr 2009 21:53:44 -0800

CLOSE ENCOUNTERS OF THE THIRD KIND: Foolish humans wrangled by musical notes.

By: Afroblanco

Afroblanco — Tue, 14 Apr 2009 21:58:22 -0800

THE LAWNMOWER MAN : Low-quality CGI barely distracts you from the fact that THIS MOVIE DOESN'T HAVE A GODDAMN THING TO DO WITH THE SHORT STORY THAT IT'S ALLEGEDLY BASED ON.

By: The World Famous

The World Famous — Tue, 14 Apr 2009 22:09:43 -0800

THE LIFE AQUATIC WITH STEVE ZISSOU: Toxic-waste-dumping, rich western vigilantes violate international maritime law to once again trample the rights of poor men forced into piracy by global economic inequality. AIG executive and international playboy are bailed out.

By: Down10

Down10 — Tue, 14 Apr 2009 22:13:13 -0800

GREMLINS: Demons can be purchased at any Asian market. AIR BUD: Basketball rule book omits an outlandish scenario. A NIGHTMARE ON ELM STREET: Johnny Depp has a powerful nocturnal emission.

By: Navelgazer

Navelgazer — Tue, 14 Apr 2009 22:16:55 -0800

It's hard to do these properly when almost all of the movies in my collection are subversive to begin with, but I've just gotten home from a GIlbert & Sullivan rehearsal, so: THE PIRATES OF PENZANCE: Marauding noblemen terrorize an aging veteran until he gives them his beloved daughters.

By: threeze

threeze — Tue, 14 Apr 2009 22:18:35 -0800

CONTROL: Ian Curtis dies, friends and family profit.

By: Clay201

Clay201 — Tue, 14 Apr 2009 22:21:42 -0800

desjardins I likewise wondered about that Cloak And Dagger description. I just realized, though, that he's thinking of the comic book characters.

By: Down10

Down10 — Tue, 14 Apr 2009 22:24:53 -0800

A CLOCKWORK ORANGE: A teenager undergoes treatment for his addiction to milk.

By: Navelgazer

Navelgazer — Tue, 14 Apr 2009 22:26:04 -0800

MY COUSIN VINNY: Inexperienced attorney risks relatives life and freedom to jumpstart his own career.

By: Navelgazer

Navelgazer — Tue, 14 Apr 2009 22:27:03 -0800

THE BIG CHILL: Friend's suicide provides excuse for spousally-sanctioned infidelity.

By: DaDaDaDave

DaDaDaDave — Tue, 14 Apr 2009 22:30:03 -0800

MILK: Straight shooter prevails over backstabbing politician. (May God have mercy on my soul.)

By: maxwelton

maxwelton — Tue, 14 Apr 2009 22:32:51 -0800

COMMANDO: A busy father skips his flight and proceeds to cancel dozens of meetings with his peers in hopes of picking up his daughter on time.

By: Navelgazer

Navelgazer — Tue, 14 Apr 2009 22:38:01 -0800

TRUE LIES: Distant, untruthful husband tricks wife into performing unwilling striptease.

By: mindless progress

mindless progress — Tue, 14 Apr 2009 22:40:40 -0800

MEAN GIRLS: Teenage girl disobeys parents, destroys royal tradition. RENT: New York creative types willfully impede attempts to improve a bad neighborhood. PI: Mathematician discovers cure for migranes. SECRETARY: Quirky but motivated administrative assistant falls in love, has accident.

By: hamida2242

hamida2242 — Tue, 14 Apr 2009 22:47:39 -0800

THE CRYING GAME: Lovable terrorist gets what he wants- and then some.

By: painquale

painquale — Tue, 14 Apr 2009 22:52:52 -0800

SAY ANYTHING: Kickboxer deflowers and absconds with felon's daughter.

By: hamida2242

hamida2242 — Tue, 14 Apr 2009 22:57:32 -0800

THE WIZARD: A two hour video game commercial is so good... it's bad.

By: CunningLinguist

CunningLinguist — Tue, 14 Apr 2009 23:01:48 -0800

MILLER'S CROSSING: Thug broods, gets beat up, loses hat.

By: Mister Moofoo

Mister Moofoo — Tue, 14 Apr 2009 23:08:58 -0800

Pi: Obsessive recluse kills mentor, cheats orthodox Jews out of long-sought-after secret. Angel Heart: Alektorophobic Private Investigator rapes teenager, dies. Hard Candy: New couple have first fight. 1984: A dangerous terrorist is captured, rehabilitated. A.I.: Wealthy unstable mother abandons comatose son for expensive doll, abandons doll when son revives. High Plains Drifter: Vengeance-driven madman vandalizes, burns town. Pleasantville: TV-junkie sex perverts ruin lives of peaceful townsfolk. The Passion of the Christ: Megalomaniac is tortured to death, rest of world won't shut up about it for millennia. Sleeping Beauty: Rich white man feels up comatose underage girl, kills the woman who swore to protect her. The Clearing: Wealthy industrialist lacks sympathy for people with less money than himself. Pitch Black: Serial killer exploits his affinity for bats to lure androgynous teenager into small aircraft. Cold Mountain: Deserter kills militia men, impregnates virgin. Unbreakable: Two men in their 40's become friends, discover irreconcilable differences.

By: mindless progress

mindless progress — Tue, 14 Apr 2009 23:16:43 -0800

I HEART HUCKABEES: Los Angeles environmentalist linked to arson, violence, and mental illness. GROSSE POINTE BLANK: Hired killer invades quiet town to indulge in murder and narcissism. SAVAGE GRACE: unplanned pregnancy leads to complications CUBE: Numbers whiz allows innocent people to die gruesome deaths. FINAL DESTINATION: Teens defy higher power and are struck down. HAROLD AND MAUDE: Older woman takes advantage of a suicidal young man. RUN LOLA RUN: Chronically late woman gets her boyfriend killed. STIR OF ECHOES: Unstable father ignores his family for a teenage girl.

By: Smedleyman

Smedleyman — Tue, 14 Apr 2009 23:24:45 -0800

ROAD WARRIOR: Dog food eating ex-police officer steals truck, torments fetish cyclists.

By: malthas

malthas — Tue, 14 Apr 2009 23:26:43 -0800

Just a couple I thought of looking at my (sad and small and bad for this exercise) DVD collection: Time Bandits: Microwaved treat kills parents of mentally unstable child. I feel really bad that this one just popped into my head, because it's awful. Northern Exposure: Ungrateful Jew attempts to scam state out of hundreds of thousands of dollars in goods and services.

By: Smedleyman

Smedleyman — Tue, 14 Apr 2009 23:33:39 -0800

APOCALYPSE NOW: Grocery clerks sending errand boy to collect a bill leads to complications.

By: mindless progress

mindless progress — Tue, 14 Apr 2009 23:39:32 -0800

DR. HORRIBLE'S SING ALONG BLOG: Unappreciated internet dork makes a difference.

By: daver

daver — Tue, 14 Apr 2009 23:44:43 -0800

2001: A SPACE ODYSSEY -- Man takes a long trip.

By: swift

swift — Tue, 14 Apr 2009 23:45:41 -0800

WIZARD OF OZ: Farm girl dreams in color but wakes up in Kansas.

By: Navelgazer

Navelgazer — Wed, 15 Apr 2009 00:20:53 -0800

And for those wondering how to make it even more uncomfortable: DANCER IN THE DARK: Woman daydreams on company time.

By: Navelgazer

Navelgazer — Wed, 15 Apr 2009 00:28:00 -0800

FIGHT CLUB: Schizophrenic shoots self after support groups fail to help him.

By: telstar

telstar — Wed, 15 Apr 2009 00:32:03 -0800

WIZARD OF OZ: sepia, color conflict, sepia wins.

By: telstar

telstar — Wed, 15 Apr 2009 00:40:27 -0800

This seems to work for any presentation. HAMLET: brooding orphan decides not to kill himself.

By: telstar

telstar — Wed, 15 Apr 2009 00:48:22 -0800

ROCKY HORROR PICTURE SHOW: wedding attendees get lost, crash party.

By: saysthis

saysthis — Wed, 15 Apr 2009 01:22:28 -0800

SLINGBLADE: Sadistic son manipulates mentally unstable man into killing own father. 12 MONKEYS: Work-release volunteer turned vigilante fights ecoterrorists.

By: mary8nne

mary8nne — Wed, 15 Apr 2009 03:29:03 -0800

THE SHINING: Failed writer attempts to murder own family.

By: mary8nne

mary8nne — Wed, 15 Apr 2009 03:29:44 -0800

THE SHINING: Failed writer kills black guy

By: DoctorFedora

DoctorFedora — Wed, 15 Apr 2009 03:52:41 -0800

Yikes. A lot of folks here have the lyrics open in a different tab but appear to have never heard the song. These aren't just single-sentence summaries. These aren't supposed to be quick commentaries (a la Movie-a-Minute). These are supposed to be single-sentence summaries of movies, but phrased in such a manner that only makes sense if you've seen it and, even then, is unlikely to have been what you got out of it when you saw it. MERE SUMMARY: BOONDOCK SAINTS: Serial killers aided by FBI agent. MERE COMMENTARY: HIGH ANXIETY: Mel Brooks stops being funny. HOW THEY ARE SUPPOSED TO WORK: BOONDOCK SAINTS: Employees angry to find selves outsourced. Now I feel awful for having gone to such efforts to explain a joke. Nothing kills humor quite as fast, except maybe the same joke being used over and over ("an unplanned…").

By: dirty lies

dirty lies — Wed, 15 Apr 2009 04:27:04 -0800

DoctorFedora: You should see what these people think qualifies as limericks. Their haiku are even worse.

By: clockzero

clockzero — Wed, 15 Apr 2009 04:33:21 -0800

THE DEVIL WEARS PRADA: An emaciated white woman betrays her mentor and dumps her boyfriend, travels to Paris to throw a Blackberry into a fountain.

By: daniel_charms

daniel_charms — Wed, 15 Apr 2009 06:31:09 -0800

SNOW WHITE: Seven infantile midgets exploit a narcoleptic beauty.

By: Afroblanco

Afroblanco — Wed, 15 Apr 2009 06:58:29 -0800

YOUTUBE : Americans apparently more skilled at making videos than forming complete sentences.

By: daniel_charms

daniel_charms — Wed, 15 Apr 2009 07:05:00 -0800

HOWL'S MOVING CASTLE: Old lady destroys a wizard's house, ruins his livelyhood. JAMES BOND: Genius scientist's groundbreaking experiment ruined by foreign spy. (alternative: plan for world peace ruined by foreign spy) WAR AND PEACE: Fat Russian nobleman squanders his fortune on utopian projects.

By: effwerd

effwerd — Wed, 15 Apr 2009 07:31:27 -0800

MULHOLLAND DR.: Failed actress hallucinates, commits suicide CANDIDE: Naive youth takes road trip, becomes disillusioned, takes up gardening CASABLANCA: Bar owner kills high ranking official, provides material support to terrorists RAINMAN: Narcissist kidnaps mentally handicapped man, exploits him in gambling scheme, seeks custody LORD OF THE FLIES: Children left to own devices, anarchy ensues

By: Eideteker

Eideteker — Wed, 15 Apr 2009 07:45:52 -0800

PRETTY WOMAN : Prostitute hired. Make that: Prostitute hired, retained. ROCKY: Black man beats white man, but just barely. And for how long?

By: DevilsAdvocate

DevilsAdvocate — Wed, 15 Apr 2009 07:58:45 -0800

THE LION, THE WITCH, AND THE WARDROBE: Four children cause global warming.

By: Keith Talent

Keith Talent — Wed, 15 Apr 2009 08:05:15 -0800

GLENGARY GLENROSS - Over zealous sales management technique leads to declining revenues.

By: Beardman

Beardman — Wed, 15 Apr 2009 08:07:51 -0800

This kind of thing has already been done by lots of movie haiku sites. WHEN HARRY MET SALLY Old Billy Crystal Looks mysteriously like Young Billy Crystal AMERICAN HISTORY X White supremacist Hears black guy tell joke in jail And changes his ways

By: DevilsAdvocate

DevilsAdvocate — Wed, 15 Apr 2009 08:08:39 -0800

These aren't just single-sentence summaries. These aren't supposed to be quick commentaries (a la Movie-a-Minute). In fairness, though, a good fraction of the summaries in the original linked blog post are just single-sentence summaries or quick commentaries, even if that wasn't the intent.

By: Afroblanco

Afroblanco — Wed, 15 Apr 2009 08:21:44 -0800

GLENGARRY GLENROSS : Failing business reduces office expenses by limiting coffee consumption.

By: Alison

Alison — Wed, 15 Apr 2009 09:17:06 -0800

A League if their Own: Women steal jobs from men at war, cry about it. There Will Be Blood: Man abuses adoption system and steals milkshakes from country people. Little Miss Sunshine: Coached by her drug-addicted grandfather a young girl performs a strip-tease on stage.

By: daniel_charms

daniel_charms — Wed, 15 Apr 2009 09:25:51 -0800

BREAKFAST AT TIFFANY'S: Young couple commit a petty theft. ARMAGEDDON: In the face of a threat to the planet, NASA demonstrates its incompetence, while all other space agencies fail to react at all. DAS BOOT: Submarine crew commits treachery. AMADEUS: Celebrity musician spends his days drinking, fails to fulfil a contract.

By: Navelgazer

Navelgazer — Wed, 15 Apr 2009 09:32:43 -0800

ONCE: Irish hipster fails to seduce married teenage immigrant.

By: grapefruitmoon

grapefruitmoon — Wed, 15 Apr 2009 09:39:00 -0800

AMÉLIE: Delusional woman seeks happiness by manipulating the lives of others.

By: jabberjaw

jabberjaw — Wed, 15 Apr 2009 09:39:10 -0800

A.I.: Wealthy family discards a high-tech gadget.

By: DevilsAdvocate

DevilsAdvocate — Wed, 15 Apr 2009 09:55:56 -0800

I'm going to revise my previous entry a bit: THE LION, THE WITCH, AND THE WARDROBE: Humans enter the world, global warming follows.

By: Danf

Danf — Wed, 15 Apr 2009 10:20:02 -0800

WIZARD OF OZ: What happens over the rainbow, stays over the rainbow.

By: oaf

oaf — Wed, 15 Apr 2009 10:31:32 -0800

RUN LOLA RUN: Chronically late woman gets her boyfriend killed. RUN LOLA RUN: Proof-of-payment fare scheme beneficial to homeless.

By: Mister Moofoo

Mister Moofoo — Wed, 15 Apr 2009 15:24:47 -0800

It certainly helps to imagine the plot as viewed from the point of view of the antagonist, or a disinterested third party. Especially a deranged disinterested third party. I like the euphemistic treatments of arguably awful events, turning them into nice-sounding things. Someone included in their "Requiem for a Dream" summary that the girl manages to "make ends meet." If I'd been drinking, there would have been a spit take.

By: Mister Moofoo

Mister Moofoo — Wed, 15 Apr 2009 15:36:24 -0800

Oh, and: Mary Poppins: Witch's attempts to disrupt cycle of abuse through escapism end in tears.

By: criticalbill

criticalbill — Wed, 15 Apr 2009 15:42:39 -0800

Lost Highway: I really have no idea

By: Grangousier

Grangousier — Wed, 15 Apr 2009 16:14:54 -0800

The Passion of the Christ: Unemployed carpenter ironically dies in bizarre carpentry incident.

By: brundlefly

brundlefly — Wed, 15 Apr 2009 17:17:25 -0800

THE LION, THE WITCH, AND THE WARDROBE: Children steal coats from an elderly man.

By: dgaicun

dgaicun — Wed, 15 Apr 2009 19:20:47 -0800

GREMLINS: Unsafe product sold in Chinese store. AMERICAN HISTORY X: Rightwing militant changed by homosexual encounter.

By: box

box — Wed, 15 Apr 2009 19:38:12 -0800

WINGED MIGRATION - Hunter shoots bird.

By: dgaicun

dgaicun — Wed, 15 Apr 2009 21:56:54 -0800

BIRTH: A lonely woman lusts after a little boy with a secret identity. BIG: A lonely woman lusts after a little boy with a secret identity. THE PASSION OF CHRIST: Illegitimate child grows up on wrong side of the law. INTERVIEW WITH A VAMPIRE: Slave owner becomes sympathetic figure after turning to mass-murder and cannibalism. BROKEBACK MOUNTAIN: Two aging fathers escape the obligations of domestic life in the Great Outdoors. GATTACA: A man overcomes his physical and mental limitations by lying about his job qualifications.

By: The World Famous

The World Famous — Wed, 15 Apr 2009 22:08:46 -0800

GATTACA: Identity theft pays off. BIG: Identity falsification pays off. THE SPANISH PRISONER: Secretary fails spectacularly in attempt to seduce boss. STAR WARS EPISODE IV: Farm boy uses skills learned on the farm to put torpedo in exhaust hole.

By: Afroblanco

Afroblanco — Thu, 16 Apr 2009 09:53:15 -0800

PROBLEM CHILD : Passive, weak-willed man abducts genius child from vivacious adoptive mother.

By: jabberjaw

jabberjaw — Thu, 16 Apr 2009 11:37:32 -0800

THE LION, THE WITCH, AND THE WARDROBE: Runaways start a gang, leading to violent death.

By: springload

springload — Thu, 16 Apr 2009 14:59:32 -0800

TERMINATOR II: Brutal stepfather insists boy go to war, nuclear holocaust follows.

By: Ambrosia Voyeur

Ambrosia Voyeur — Thu, 16 Apr 2009 15:45:46 -0800

Lost Highway: I really have no idea LOST HIGHWAY: Man's midlife crisis leads to makeover, road trip.

By: rebel_rebel

rebel_rebel — Thu, 16 Apr 2009 18:01:12 -0800

A little late to the party, but... HOUSE, MD: Drug-addled doctor and his oversexed team flout hospital regulations and experiment with the lives of critically ill patients. DEXTER: Small children routinely left in the care of a serial killer.

By: dgaicun

dgaicun — Fri, 17 Apr 2009 04:11:57 -0800

***Anthology!*** AMERICAN HISTORY X: A young reactionary learns tolerance after a homosexual experience. BEETLEJUICE: A young married couple suffer violence after a home invasion. BEING JOHN MALKOVICH: Urban failures exploit space/time anomaly to repeatedly rape a celebrity. BIG: A bored woman fucks a fun little boy with a false identity. BROKEBACK MOUNTAIN: Two aging fathers escape the obligations of family life in the open country. THE CROW: Ineffectual police force leave armed hoodlums to try and stop rampaging zombie. GATTACA: A man overcomes his disabilities by lying about his job qualifications. GREMLINS: Small town Americans are endangered by unsafe Chinese merchandise. INNERSPACE: Two macho pilots invade the body of a slight, anxious man. INTERVIEW WITH A VAMPIRE: Slave owner becomes sympathetic figure after turning to cannibalism. THE PASSION OF CHRIST: Illegitimate child grows up on wrong side of the law. THE PURSUIT OF HAPPYNESS: Man endangers young son in get rich quick scheme. THE TERMINAL: Homeless foreigner unsuccessfully propositions a beautiful woman.

By: Smedleyman

Smedleyman — Fri, 17 Apr 2009 06:48:16 -0800

PATTON: Penis shaped blot on giant American flag incites mass murder of thousands of employees of the German government.

By: Ritchie

Ritchie — Tue, 21 Apr 2009 19:54:03 -0800

THE PRESTIGE: Professional dispute arises between two men who kill small birds for others' entertainment.

By: owtytrof

owtytrof — Wed, 22 Apr 2009 08:42:55 -0800

Eraserhead: Man leads lonely life in the city. -or- An unplanned pregnancy leads to complications.

By: Grangousier

Grangousier — Thu, 23 Apr 2009 16:29:47 -0800

Eraserhead: Single parent loses head over glamorous neighbour.