Mutually-Beneficial Relationships

April 18, 2009 12:41 PM

Seekingarrangement.com is a website for would-be sugar daddies and sugar babies (no, not the candy). It claims 300,000 registered users. Here's a New York Times article from last week about the site (and a Globe and Mail article from '07).
posted by box (62 comments total)

Society fail.
posted by norabarnacl3 at 12:43 PM on April 18, 2009 [3 favorites]

You know marriage for love is like a recent, Western invention.

It's always been about money, security, class, and the upper east side.

Please scatter my ashes on the lower east side.
posted by plexi at 12:51 PM on April 18, 2009

And the world’s oldest profession is best of the web, how?
posted by applemeat at 12:55 PM on April 18, 2009

Sad. Very sad. I feel sorry for people who don't/can't have love in their lives.
posted by ZenMasterThis at 12:57 PM on April 18, 2009 [2 favorites]

Why do you only have keptwoman as a keyword and not keptmen? The site swings both ways, lucky us.
posted by Maisie Jay at 1:00 PM on April 18, 2009 [1 favorite]

Is this the room for venting my proletarian anger in a totally counter-productive way? Sweet.
posted by joe lisboa at 1:01 PM on April 18, 2009

Thanks for the heads-up, Maisie Jay. I've added a keptmen tag.
posted by box at 1:05 PM on April 18, 2009 [1 favorite]

craig's list with more pictures on the front page.... wow, I was hoping someone would find something like this and post it on the meta...

really, I was....
posted by HuronBob at 1:11 PM on April 18, 2009

It's always been about money, security, class, and the upper east side.

You've got to have a J-O-B if you wanna be with me.
posted by PeterMcDermott at 1:18 PM on April 18, 2009

From the blog:

The Sugar Daddy Renaissance
Much was learned from the pair who were like two peas in a pod. We’ll call them “John” and “Sarah” - both of whom have been a part of the Yahoo group that started it all.

Before there were SD dating sites, sugar was pretty hard to find online, but the purest of it was found through a Yahoo group created by Leidra Lawson - author of “Sugar Daddy 101″ and founding mother of sugar daddy matchmaking.

John, a true suga OG, is known by his band of SD brothers from the Yahoo group as ’sensei’ ~ and for good reason.

He has got his SD lifestyle down to a science. Throughout his journey, he’s learned a lot about what approach works best. A profile pic with a former SB gets lots of responses, and so does one of him standing in front of his house and car. Canadian SB’s have a seasonal interest in Southern arrangements, and college sugar babies influx in late July and early August…

Fascinating how explicit the rules are the two roles.
posted by Brandon Blatcher at 1:25 PM on April 18, 2009

Honesty is the best policy.
posted by StickyCarpet at 1:35 PM on April 18, 2009 [2 favorites]

I wish the NY Times would shut up about stupid things that rich people do. But since that is not likely, I wish these articles would stop making the front page of Metafilter. It is easy enough to toss the Style section in the recycle bin unread, not so much the Blue.
posted by kuujjuarapik at 1:41 PM on April 18, 2009 [19 favorites]

Society fail.

How so? It seems like a more empowered and self-aware form of prostitution. What do you see as a downside?
posted by anti social order at 1:45 PM on April 18, 2009 [4 favorites]

The downside is reading this on Metafilter - it's tired, it's classless and goes nowhere. Seriously - who the hell cares? This kind of post is a total waste of the front page.
posted by Lipstick Thespian at 1:50 PM on April 18, 2009

What do you see as a downside?
posted by StickyCarpet at 1:50 PM on April 18, 2009 [1 favorite]

Sad. Very sad. I feel sorry for people who don't/can't have love in their lives.

And now they do! Yay!
posted by grobstein at 1:55 PM on April 18, 2009

I saw this on Marginal Revolution last week, in a post titled "Business Arrangements I Would Bet Against." Heh.
posted by Inspector.Gadget at 1:58 PM on April 18, 2009

spilling pepsi on the blue is more offensive than eating a ho-ho if you are that desperate.

i would prefer to read about neither, because neither have any nourishment. i let it go, though, because mefi has been swimming in the rest of the web for quite some time now; i reckon ever since the critical mass started to own cars.

this link will almost certainly stay for the old grey lady is a mistress whose temptations few can resist. she makes you crawl on your knees because you have been a bad yuppie, but that is the lifestyle choice you made.
posted by the aloha at 1:59 PM on April 18, 2009 [1 favorite]

If this actually were about functioning classic patronages, I would be mightily impressed.
posted by Ambrosia Voyeur at 2:01 PM on April 18, 2009 [1 favorite]

The New York Times is the newspaper of record when it comes to writing about opportunities for young women in the modern world. Last quarter, it was Dating a Banker Anonymous and now it's SeekingArrangements.com. Makes me wish I was 22 again!
posted by grounded at 2:04 PM on April 18, 2009

What do you see as a downside?

Blaming the site for whatever happened there is a little like blaming Craigslist for the actions of the man I am certain they would love for the media to stop calling "the Craigslist killer." If you're a normal human being, you will use Craigslist to find a job or buy old Mego figures or maybe get laid. If you're a fucking lunatic who kills people, you will use Craigslist to assist you in the lifestyle adventure of being a fucking lunatic who kills people. The site itself is a neutral property. If the site weren't there, criminals would find another way. They never had a problem finding a way before the internet.

As for Seekingarrangement, I'm having a hard time getting outraged about it. It's pretty much what it says on the label, isn't it?
posted by kittens for breakfast at 2:11 PM on April 18, 2009 [2 favorites]

Good thing the gays can't get married. For a moment, I was really worried that straight folks might have trouble staying together. But this web site proves that marriage really is a Sacred Covenant between one old man and multiple young women, traded in every 3 years or 30,000 BJs, whichever comes first.
posted by Blazecock Pileon at 2:15 PM on April 18, 2009 [2 favorites]

blazecock pileon, according to my calculations, that would be 27 a day.
posted by the aloha at 2:19 PM on April 18, 2009

blazecock pileon, according to my calculations, that would be 27 a day.

Worth every penny!
posted by Blazecock Pileon at 2:23 PM on April 18, 2009

blazecock pileon, according to my calculations, that would be 27 a day.

When it rains, it pours.
posted by Parasite Unseen at 2:25 PM on April 18, 2009 [1 favorite]

When it rains, it pours.
oh, come on now.


what does morton salt have to do with anything?
posted by the aloha at 2:30 PM on April 18, 2009

Too poor to keep, too old to be kept. Damn glad I've got me a wife who just plain-old wants me around.
posted by Devils Rancher at 2:30 PM on April 18, 2009 [6 favorites]

fixed link: morton salt
posted by the aloha at 2:31 PM on April 18, 2009

Canadian SB’s have a seasonal interest in Southern arrangements

*looks with suspicion at Canadian girlfriend*

She said it was all about the barbecue.

DON'T LIE TO ME BITCH OR I'LL SEND YOUR PASTY WHITE ASS BACK TO CALGARY
posted by BitterOldPunk at 2:31 PM on April 18, 2009 [7 favorites]

Aren't most relationships based on this theory? Yeah, you know it!
posted by doctorschlock at 2:45 PM on April 18, 2009

According to the actual sign-up page, there are 100 male sugar babies for every one sugar momma signed up on the sight. I found this out for you, Metafilter. I was totally not investigating the sign-up page for any other reason.
posted by Caduceus at 2:47 PM on April 18, 2009 [6 favorites]

There are some pretty cute wannabe sugar-momma's on there.

Check this one out:

I am seeking a protegee -- male, female, or transsexual -- who is interested in an NSA relationship. You must be talented, intelligent, ambitious, and highly sexual.

I can offer you financial assistance as well as advice for your future. I am fiery and fun, I have seen much of this world and will be an invaluable friend and lover to you. I hope to change your life for the better.

posted by delmoi at 3:19 PM on April 18, 2009

You get what you pay for.
posted by From Bklyn at 3:19 PM on April 18, 2009

How does an ER nurse make half a million a year?
posted by delmoi at 3:21 PM on April 18, 2009

I browsed some of the profiles and a lot of the supposed sugar daddies are looking for a long term relationship or talk about kids. They seem to be confused by the concept.

Also a lot of the guys are surprisingly young and hot.
posted by fshgrl at 3:25 PM on April 18, 2009

Whoa, delmoi, that woman is hot, young, rich and looking for just about anybody. I think I saw this when it was an Eli Roth movie.
posted by kittens for breakfast at 3:32 PM on April 18, 2009 [1 favorite]

(Actually, nurses make really really great money)

(...Well they do)
posted by kittens for breakfast at 3:34 PM on April 18, 2009 [1 favorite]

I browsed some of the profiles and a lot of the supposed sugar daddies are looking for a long term relationship or talk about kids. They seem to be confused by the concept.

I dunno — if you're rolling in dough, and looking to leverage that into an LTR with someone who'd be out of your league otherwise, that seems to fall pretty well within the site's purview.
posted by nebulawindphone at 3:36 PM on April 18, 2009

Also, if what's linked to above are the profiles you can see without being a member, my guess is that these may very well not be profiles of real people.
posted by kittens for breakfast at 3:38 PM on April 18, 2009

I'm surprised by how much personal information is on the site - surely enough for at least a few to be identified by name, by a sufficiently dedicated researcher. This would suggest that either:
1) The 'sugar daddies' are very comfortable with being publicly associated with this kind of thing, or
2) There are some malicious folks out there who have uploaded pictures of their hated boss or colleague in order to humiliate them.
posted by Clandestine Outlawry at 3:43 PM on April 18, 2009

There are some pretty cute wannabe sugar-momma's on there.

what, this woman thinks she qualifies as a sugar momma at 29 years of age?

GET THE FUCK OFF MY LAWN, WHIPPERSNAPPER!
posted by UbuRoivas at 3:55 PM on April 18, 2009 [2 favorites]

How does an ER nurse make half a million a year?

The easiest way would be to go through the pockets of the dead and/or dying.
posted by mannequito at 4:02 PM on April 18, 2009 [2 favorites]

Thanks for posting this! Now I can finally click on that site without my wife ever suspecting!
posted by fiercecupcake at 5:01 PM on April 18, 2009

Huh. There are ads on Korea Craigslist for this kind of thing. I thought it was a joke at first -- young Russian female model looking for Samsung Executive to get her a apartment and "sponsor" her (no mention of what the sponsorship is meant for her to do).

I guess you're going to pay for it one way or another.
posted by bardic at 5:13 PM on April 18, 2009

How does an ER nurse make half a million a year?

You ever watch the Sopranos? "Waste Management"? Well, "ER nurse" is sort of the same thing in certain circles (nurses).
posted by katillathehun at 5:36 PM on April 18, 2009

I'm going to go out on a limb and guess that "Budget : Open - Amount Negotiable" is a euphemism for "You get half of whatever the empties in the garage are worth if you bring them to the depot".
posted by Alvy Ampersand at 5:55 PM on April 18, 2009

You know marriage for love is like a recent, Western invention.

I always thought this was the case but in reading about cultures I've come across mention of marriage for love, and all kinds of other things done for love, all over the place. Check out this quote referring to Ancient Egypt out of Understanding Early Civilizations
by Bruce G. Trigger (p. 183 if anybody cares), for example:

Families arranged marriages, but young people looked about for suitable spouses and romantic love was idealized.

Arranged marriages are certainly much more of a rarity in the recent West - but that's not the same thing as marriage for love being a modern Western invention.
posted by XMLicious at 6:25 PM on April 18, 2009 [1 favorite]

without anything at all to back this up, i'd guess that love marriages would've been more common amongst lower classes, and marriages of convenience more for the very highest class.
posted by UbuRoivas at 6:40 PM on April 18, 2009

You ever watch the Sopranos? "Waste Management"? Well, "ER nurse" is sort of the same thing in certain circles (nurses).

It's a cover for being in the mafia?
posted by Justinian at 6:46 PM on April 18, 2009

Man, I wish I was 22 and built. *sigh* It's true what they say, you only get one chance in life.
posted by Saxon Kane at 7:26 PM on April 18, 2009

Seekingarrangement.com?

or someonetostolemywallet.com is more like it.

or iwantaonewaytickettocrazytown.com

or someonestolemywalletandgavemecrabs.com
posted by Skygazer at 7:48 PM on April 18, 2009

Damn! How unfair that Al Gore had only just *invented the Internet when I was 22!
posted by njbradburn at 8:01 PM on April 18, 2009

Something must be wrong with my browser. I clicked on the pull down menu but couldn't find the category "Wanted: Sugar Old Fart."
posted by digsrus at 8:25 PM on April 18, 2009 [1 favorite]

I love all the wonderful euphemisms employed to show they're totally not prostitutes at all.
posted by Civil_Disobedient at 10:18 PM on April 18, 2009

Anyone who is "not technically a prostitute" is a prostitute.

--Roger Ebert
posted by Afroblanco at 10:52 PM on April 18, 2009 [1 favorite]

XMLicious: I don't know about history, but as a romantic in a country with a culture of arranged marriage, I've always thought that the idea of romantic love (atleast my idea of it) comes from the west, specifically the medieval idea of courtly love.
posted by Idle Curiosity at 1:50 AM on April 19, 2009 [1 favorite]

I actually tried this site for a month (I've been unemployed since graduating college and [still] getting desperate) in hopes of finding an arrangement like that. Anyways, I learned that there are some people who can get by on good looks and charm.

I learned that I am not one of those people.
posted by champthom at 4:23 AM on April 19, 2009 [2 favorites]

...or you could just spend a couple weeks in Thailand.
posted by gman at 6:27 AM on April 19, 2009

It's a cover for being in the mafia?

That was the joke, yeah.
posted by katillathehun at 10:48 AM on April 19, 2009

XMLicious: I don't know about history, but as a romantic in a country with a culture of arranged marriage, I've always thought that the idea of romantic love (atleast my idea of it) comes from the west, specifically the medieval idea of courtly love.

Medieval courtly love was usually secret love from afar which did not result in marriage; see Sir Gawain and the Green Knight. I guess I'm stepping out on a limb without knowing where you're from, but surely that sort of thing isn't unknown in your own culture?

I would say that some of the greatest literary depictions of love during that era actually came from Persian and Arabic poets, not Westerners. (And interestingly, as a side note, some scholarship concludes that many of these major and lauded works of world literary history may have actually been written by gays and hence probably inspired by homosexual love, often secret and definitely not resulting in marriage in those times.)
posted by XMLicious at 11:36 AM on April 19, 2009

If people are willing to be this honest about it, good for them. The rest of us can go on pretending that our one true love just randomly happened to be in the same attractiveness and income brackets as ourselves.
posted by hayvac at 12:07 PM on April 19, 2009 [1 favorite]

Wow I bet you would meet a lot of really nice and interesting people there.
posted by turgid dahlia at 3:30 PM on April 19, 2009