Guys With iPhones

April 23, 2009 7:04 PM

Are you a guy with an iPhone? Sent anyone a hot self-pic lately? You might want to check out Guys With iPhones (NSFW) to see if anyone has added you to the pool yet.
posted by hermitosis (121 comments total)

There goes my theory that guys with expensive cellphones are trying to compensate for other deficiencies.
posted by ColdChef at 7:10 PM on April 23 [14 favorites]

um, NSFW?

I mean, NSFW?!

I mean FUCKING NSFW!?!?!?!??!

c'mon, dude. totally not cool.
posted by Afroblanco at 7:11 PM on April 23 [5 favorites]

Yeeeeeah, put 'em on the touch screen, gents.
posted by The Straightener at 7:12 PM on April 23 [1 favorite]

ack, ok, i just noticed the NSFW tag.

(feels stupid, goes away)
posted by Afroblanco at 7:12 PM on April 23 [4 favorites]

Girls with iPhones is a million times better.
posted by furtive at 7:16 PM on April 23 [3 favorites]

...err it will be when they get more than a page worth of photos.
posted by furtive at 7:17 PM on April 23 [2 favorites]

c'mon, dude. totally cool!
posted by ericb at 7:17 PM on April 23

are we fark again.. I thought we were done being fark. fark does fark much better than we do fark. let's let fark do fark, we could do something else... but not fark.
posted by HuronBob at 7:19 PM on April 23 [4 favorites]

Until they have farm yard animals with iphones I remain nonplussed
posted by mattoxic at 7:21 PM on April 23 [1 favorite]

Slightly related: The 20 Male Poses of Facebook.
posted by Horace Rumpole at 7:22 PM on April 23 [20 favorites]

Are we seriously ten comments into this thing without a bucket of cocks joke?
posted by The Straightener at 7:23 PM on April 23

hot chicks iphones with douchebags
posted by dead cousin ted at 7:29 PM on April 23

Oh come on. If I wanted bad self portraits and lots of frat boy penises I could just go to Casual Encounters on Craigslist.
posted by thatbrunette at 7:30 PM on April 23 [2 favorites]

Where are the hot chicks with iphones?
posted by delmoi at 7:39 PM on April 23

Metafilter is becoming a metaphor for the fishing industry. Used to be, we could sail a few miles from shore & pull up huge nets of nice, fat salmon. Now we trawl the web waaay out to sea & all there is when we pull 'er in is a couple of perch and three plastic jugs.
posted by Devils Rancher at 7:44 PM on April 23 [37 favorites]

The lady will have two tickets to the gun show. I mean the cock show.

Wait, now I understand gun shows.
posted by sixswitch at 7:45 PM on April 23

I'll be in my bunk.
posted by FunkyHelix at 7:45 PM on April 23 [3 favorites]

Also: I fully support the occasional MetaFilter wang post.
posted by sixswitch at 7:46 PM on April 23 [4 favorites]

...err it will be when they get more than a page worth of photos.

Are you kidding, there are at least twenty-seven pages of photos!

erm, I deduced

from the archives.
posted by jessamyn at 7:46 PM on April 23 [21 favorites]

Ho hum. Yawn. Straight from the pages of Passion.com. Did I say "yawn"?
posted by mnb64 at 7:46 PM on April 23

It is my understanding that iPhone pictures are sometimes embedded with GPS data, which are sometimes used to torment the subjects of said pictures.
posted by Stylus Happenstance at 7:48 PM on April 23

Huh? This is totally suitable for wanking.
posted by Bokononist at 7:57 PM on April 23 [1 favorite]

There MUST be an iphone grifter out there, somewhere.
posted by R. Mutt at 7:58 PM on April 23

How dare ya'll treat me as a piece of meat now that I'm married.
posted by Brandon Blatcher at 7:58 PM on April 23

Also, there's EXIF data in IPhone pics with GPS coordinates. Goodbye anonymity.
posted by Mr. Crowley at 7:59 PM on April 23

1) I will never in all my years ahead of me ever look remotely as fit as any of those men. This disappoints me.

2) All these men are hot. This also disappoints me for a very different reason.
posted by Severian at 8:01 PM on April 23 [3 favorites]

Related Google search
posted by unSane at 8:06 PM on April 23 [2 favorites]

I mean FUCKING NSFW!?!?!?!??!

Blink tags are not acceptable at my workplace. Please stop that.

Also, stop reading MeFi at work if you're supposed to be working, jeez.
posted by rokusan at 8:07 PM on April 23 [2 favorites]

jessamyn: "...err it will be when they get more than a page worth of photos.

Are you kidding, there are at least twenty-seven pages of photos!

erm, I deduced

from the archives."

The shade of Melvil Dewey is very disappointed.
posted by Joe Beese at 8:08 PM on April 23

Also: I fully support the occasional MetaFilter wang post.

I could use a stiff pdp-11 post myself.
posted by rokusan at 8:08 PM on April 23 [7 favorites]

Looks like every swinging dick in town has one of these phones now.
posted by double block and bleed at 8:10 PM on April 23 [2 favorites]

Where are all the pics of the skinny dudes?!
posted by MaryDellamorte at 8:15 PM on April 23

Now we trawl the web waaay out to sea & all there is when we pull 'er in is a couple of perch and three plastic jugs.

Looks like we caught a few dozen cockfish as well.
posted by cjets at 8:16 PM on April 23

Forgive me for not having an iPhone or any friends with iPhones, but what makes it obvious that these photos are from iPhones and not some other camera phone?
posted by XMLicious at 8:17 PM on April 23

So, like, am I the only one wondering about the privacy issues here? Probably all submitted by strangers who see the pics at Craigslist or some relatively public site, I know, but I can't help thinking there's a big difference between 1) posting a nude pic of yourself for a night at the Craigslist of a city you're visiting and 2) seeing said pic permanently displayed on a non-regional site like that one after someone you don't know sends it in.

I'm not saying the nude guys have any *right* to complain, just suggesting that it's kind of a [cough] dick move to submit these pics to another, non-local site without permission. It's almost certain that someone somewhere is going to be hurt by it.

But hey, hot pics.
posted by mediareport at 8:21 PM on April 23 [1 favorite]

Color me unimpressed. Most of those guys are showing off sub-par goods, and as a married lady who is allowed to look (but not touch) I demand better for my dollar!
posted by eatdonuts at 8:21 PM on April 23

what makes it obvious that these photos are from iPhones and not some other camera phone?

You mean, other than the shiny silver rectangle with an Apple logo each of them are holding as they photograph themselves in their mirrors?
posted by hippybear at 8:25 PM on April 23 [6 favorites]

I just want to say, in total seriousness, that I think I know at least 3 of the guys that I've seen so far.
posted by Avenger at 8:25 PM on April 23 [1 favorite]

Forgive me for not having an iPhone or any friends with iPhones, but what makes it obvious that these photos are from iPhones and not some other camera phone?

THE FACT THAT THEY ARE HOLDING IPHONES?
posted by unSane at 8:26 PM on April 23 [13 favorites]

Also, Guys With iPhones Gays With iPhones, FTFY.
posted by Avenger at 8:27 PM on April 23 [1 favorite]

Color me unimpressed. Most of those guys are showing off sub-par goods, and as a married lady who is allowed to look (but not touch) I demand better for my dollar!

Ok, all dudes without huge wangs should fuck off...also all the girls without huge boobs on the female version should fuck off too. Is that what you're saying?
posted by MaryDellamorte at 8:29 PM on April 23 [4 favorites]

The shade of Melvil Dewey is very disappointed.

Because the shade of Mrs. Melvil Dewey won't give up the computer.
posted by eriko at 8:34 PM on April 23 [1 favorite]

WTF? Really? This is not why I joined mefi.
posted by evenson at 8:36 PM on April 23 [1 favorite]

No one would be interested in "Flabby guys with WinMo Phones," would they? Alas, I thought not.
posted by me & my monkey at 8:38 PM on April 23 [3 favorites]

THE FACT THAT THEY ARE HOLDING IPHONES?

Duh. Yeah, of course, they must all have the phone in the picture and all of those must be iPhones. Sorry, I deserved the all caps.
posted by XMLicious at 8:39 PM on April 23

And somewhere tonight, the shade of Tom of Finland is weeping. . .
posted by rdone at 8:41 PM on April 23 [1 favorite]

Does what it says on the tin.
posted by chowflap at 8:42 PM on April 23 [3 favorites]

sexting! it's the latest rage! all the kids are doing it! i'm sure I would be too, if I didn't have strict policies about always owning the least technologically advanced phone on the market at any given time.
posted by greekphilosophy at 8:48 PM on April 23

guyswithiphones.com is one of the strangest sites I've seen in some time. I have no idea how these people got their guys in their iphones, or why.
posted by regicide is good for you at 8:50 PM on April 23 [7 favorites]

well, after looking at the pictures..... I feel bad about my belly, but I feel much better about the size of my penis.
posted by bradth27 at 8:51 PM on April 23 [7 favorites]

tl:dr
posted by Big_B at 8:52 PM on April 23

well, after looking at the pictures..... I feel bad about my belly, but I feel much better about the size of my penis.

I'm with you -- for one of these. I'll let you decide which.
posted by davejay at 8:52 PM on April 23

MY HARD ON

LET ME SHOW YOU IT
posted by jokeefe at 8:53 PM on April 23 [16 favorites]

WTF? Really? This is not why I joined mefi.

Pray tell, my dear ... for what did you join MetaFilter?
posted by ericb at 8:54 PM on April 23 [1 favorite]

Well, I liked it.
posted by edrnjevich at 8:56 PM on April 23

What's that site where pictures from gay men's personal ads were critiqued in terms of the interior decor evident in the backgrounds of the photographs? My google skill are unable to work around the deluge of results that come from having 'gay' and 'personal ads' in the search terms. Anyone remember that site? I didn't imagine it, right?
posted by jokeefe at 8:58 PM on April 23

Is that what you're saying?

YES.
posted by Civil_Disobedient at 8:59 PM on April 23

Come on. MetaFilter used to be a place for links of intellectual interest, or cool stuff with some validity of purpose and even novel and/or intelligent exchange. Yes, it still does that, albeit less and less. Best of the web? An FPP like this just adds to the cheapening of MeFi, yet again. And that's not only silly, it's depressing as hell.
posted by Seekerofsplendor at 9:11 PM on April 23 [3 favorites]

What's that site where pictures from gay men's personal ads were critiqued in terms of the interior decor evident in the backgrounds of the photographs?


Lurid Digs
posted by The Whelk at 9:14 PM on April 23 [15 favorites]

Girlzone.
posted by TypographicalError at 9:21 PM on April 23

MetaFilter used to be a place for links of intellectual interest, or cool stuff with some validity of purpose and even novel and/or intelligent exchange...

...along with links to goofy sex sites like the one in this post. Check any month from 2000 or 2001 in the archives if you don't believe it.
posted by mediareport at 9:22 PM on April 23 [5 favorites]

MeFi is generally pretty high-brow, except when the brow falls through the floor. I like that.
Thanks for all the penises.
posted by Methylviolet at 9:26 PM on April 23 [5 favorites]

A couple pages in, there's a guy taking a casual-cell-phone-in-the-mirror pic of himself fucking another guy. It's such a weird combination of intense and nonchalant: "OH GOD OH GOD YES OH hey while I'm in here I may as well take a few snapshots..."
posted by nebulawindphone at 9:26 PM on April 23 [4 favorites]

(Also, yay cocks.)
posted by nebulawindphone at 9:29 PM on April 23

The guys are hot and the domain's been around since the 2nd of this month. The "girls" site has been going for four days and the pickins are slim and they do not appear to have "mastered" the "art" quite yet.

On a different note, I am blown away by the fact that some of the pix do contain GPS data and that in some cases that GPS data is a click away from Google Maps street view. (At least in Preview.app on OS X.)

The future is geotagged.
posted by mistersquid at 9:29 PM on April 23

@ MaryDellamorte: no, but it's interesting that you took it so personal. ;p

Just saying that just because they're all rearing to go and show the shaved goods, doesn't mean we're all out here thinking they deserve the appreciation they believe they're entitled to.
posted by eatdonuts at 9:30 PM on April 23

Banner week for Metafilter. Brain dead babies and guys tea-bagging an iPhone. The circle is now complete.

Stay classy Metafilter. Stay classy.
posted by tkchrist at 9:31 PM on April 23

@The Whelk-- thank you!
posted by jokeefe at 9:32 PM on April 23

guys tea-bagging an iPhone

Mine doesn't have the right port for that.
posted by nebulawindphone at 9:32 PM on April 23

Wow, this almost makes me want to switch to the android phone.
posted by paultopia at 9:37 PM on April 23

@ MaryDellamorte: no, but it's interesting that you took it so personal. ;p

Just saying that just because they're all rearing to go and show the shaved goods, doesn't mean we're all out here thinking they deserve the appreciation they believe they're entitled to.

I didn't take it personally. Criticizing men for the size of their penis is the same as someone criticizing a woman for having small boobs. Think of the shitstorm that would ensue if the genders were switched and everyone was discussing breast size instead of penis size. Not everyone can possess a HUGE HOG!!1!!!! and that's okay. Saying someone has "subpar goods" for not possessing a big dick is the same as saying someone is subpar for not looking like a model or not being thin. It's generally not a cool area to delve into.
posted by MaryDellamorte at 9:41 PM on April 23 [12 favorites]

Wow, you're angry.
posted by eatdonuts at 9:42 PM on April 23

Needs more Tony Danza.
posted by KevinSkomsvold at 9:47 PM on April 23 [2 favorites]

This totally violates Apple's terms of service. And I'm lovin' every minute of it!
posted by Blazecock Pileon at 9:50 PM on April 23

Yes, can someone get Tony Danza and Momus a couple of iPhones tout de suite?
posted by Blazecock Pileon at 9:53 PM on April 23 [1 favorite]

though i find it quite hard, i must bid happy trails to this thread.
posted by the aloha at 9:54 PM on April 23

You know LBJ would of loved one of those phones!
posted by hortense at 10:04 PM on April 23

You know, people will recognize their own usernames without putting an at sign in front of them.
posted by delmoi at 10:06 PM on April 23 [1 favorite]

This totally violates Apple's terms of service. And I'm lovin' every minute of it!

What?
posted by delmoi at 10:12 PM on April 23

@delmoi: It's a joke, nevermind.
posted by Blazecock Pileon at 10:18 PM on April 23

LOL

delmoi: Here be a clicky. Untill they beat the horse to death, I stand beside a non-ability to care about the taming of the @.

Points at delmoi, derail! Now get thee on your IPhone!
posted by eatdonuts at 10:22 PM on April 23

« Older Here are some galleries of amazing sand sculptures...
posted by erikgrande at 10:23 PM on April 23

did you see that? Blazecock talking AT someone?

It's sort of like "talk to the hand", only different.
posted by hippybear at 10:24 PM on April 23

*Until
posted by eatdonuts at 10:24 PM on April 23

eatdonuts: you take my threads far too seriously
posted by hippybear at 10:25 PM on April 23

hippydear: I am bored and can't sleep!
posted by eatdonuts at 10:27 PM on April 23

eatdonuts: well, it's all that sugar in the donut glaze!

I've suggested they close that thread, but they don't. Oh well

Still! Photos of mostly naked men. It's a good thing, right?
posted by hippybear at 10:29 PM on April 23 [1 favorite]

The GPS metadata issue is interesting, as it makes me wonder what level of metrological resolution the photos contain. Can it measure down to the optical inch?
posted by Tube at 10:43 PM on April 23

Yeah I was going to ask how accurate the GPS info is, on some of these you can zoom in to houses.
posted by dead cousin ted at 11:02 PM on April 23

It's nice to know that even hot guys piss in the sink from time to time.
posted by PeterMcDermott at 11:37 PM on April 23

ya know, there seems to be a lot of curating going on on that site. That, or only young-ish men with flat abs, trimmed pubes and 7.5"-8" uncircumcised cocks can own iPhones. From my own trawling of them thar intarwebs, I know that skinny, chubby, hairy, hairless, old, barely legal, non-white, etc. men take LOTS of nekkid pictures of themselves and post them on the web. Where's the dirty granpa with an iPhone in hand?
posted by LMGM at 12:58 AM on April 24 [1 favorite]

Where's the dirty granpa with an iPhone in hand?

Be patient. Let Rule 34 take its course.
posted by Blazecock Pileon at 12:59 AM on April 24

It's nice to know that even hot guys piss in the sink from time to time.
Never mind that, one of them looked like he was setting up a 1 guy 1 sink thing.
posted by tellurian at 1:15 AM on April 24

Tasty and delightful. Would click again! Even gay people can enjoy eye candy. The haters in the thread need to go play with themselves. Because sometimes, you feel like a nut, and sometimes, you feel like two.
posted by Goofyy at 1:43 AM on April 24 [3 favorites]

This guy is hung like a donkey.

And I'm lovin' every minute of it!

Wasn't this picture on your profile a while ago?
posted by PeterMcDermott at 1:45 AM on April 24

Wasn't this picture on your profile a while ago?

Only in your dreams. Nah, that shirt's too butch, anyway.
posted by Blazecock Pileon at 2:08 AM on April 24

Color me unimpressed. Most of those guys are showing off sub-par goods

I saw the pictures, read your comment, and then looked at the pictures again. I think you can only be referring to out-of-date iPhones.
posted by teresci at 2:37 AM on April 24 [4 favorites]

Are men really that hairless these days?

Sheesh, it's like a scientific examination of larvae, to say nothing of how telling the dumb looks, smirky showboating, and gadget-smugness are of what lifeless tragedy will most likely ensue in the actual act of sex.

Of course, when I just pondered what would make this sort of thing appeal to me in a prurient way, I effortlessly conjured up a scene of mildly gone-to-seed middle-aged farmers, longshoremen, and UPS drivers with secret, unpublished collections of poetry, posing in the woods with manual typewriters, which probably explains a lot of my own sexual pathologies.

P.S. I have a huge Hermes Ambassador and a cabin in the woods. My profile's online at www.be—awww...forget it.
posted by sonascope at 3:23 AM on April 24 [6 favorites]

god can you imagine guys-with-secret-unpublished-collections-of-poetry-and-iphones.com? millions of pictures of dusty journals under beds, yellowing A4s and legal pads spilling out of wardrobes with a half smoked ciggie smouldering on the bed side table and the lamp turned down low?
posted by doobiedoo at 4:26 AM on April 24 [1 favorite]

This confirms my experience -- men make very awkward-looking mirror faces.
posted by thinkpiece at 4:51 AM on April 24

At first I was sort of bummed out about how in shape the dudes were. Then i noticed that some of them were gay. That made me feel much better. Because now I can assume that all of them were gay. So I'm in pretty good shape for a straight guy.
posted by I Foody at 5:31 AM on April 24 [1 favorite]

can someone get ... Momus a couple of iPhones tout de suite?

Lying in the nude with my Apple G4 cube
I am rendering a porcupine in Bryce
And in Stratavision Pro I'm designing where to grow
Little apples when I build a haybale house ...
--"Little Apples" Folktronic.

I imagine he already has a few ...
posted by octobersurprise at 6:00 AM on April 24

The comparisons between the pages is pretty fascinating-- there don't seem to be any rules other than take a hot picture of yourself. Some show heads but no dicks, some show dicks but no heads. Some guys are comfortable enough to be having sex right in front of the camera, some are fully clothed. I especially like the pictures of the naked guys with one hand over the goods-- "Here I am in all my glorious nakedness, but I'm too shy to show everything." Well no, if I 'm being truthful what I really like are the cocks at full attention-- but that's just the hormones talking.

I don't think this guy got the memo.
posted by Secret Life of Gravy at 6:51 AM on April 24

Now I have plenty of fake n00dz! Thanks!
posted by ohsoferrety at 6:54 AM on April 24

what makes it obvious that these photos are from iPhones and not some other camera phone?

This is like that old Gorilla basketball selective attention study, isn't it?
posted by ook at 7:44 AM on April 24

millions of pictures of dusty journals under beds, yellowing A4s and legal pads spilling out of wardrobes with a half smoked ciggie smouldering on the bed side table and the lamp turned down low?

Rawr! *fans self* Add a manual typewriter and I'm yours.
posted by jokeefe at 7:52 AM on April 24

So if I get an iPhone, I will become tanned and hairless and muscular and my cock will be 15"? Or did I misread that xkcd cartoon?
posted by greekphilosophy at 7:57 AM on April 24

That, or only young-ish men with flat abs, trimmed pubes and 7.5"-8" uncircumcised cocks can own iPhones.

And there's a problem with this? ;) Also, most of them are actually circumcised, dammit.

Also also, I know my birthday isn't for several months, but goddamn one of these would be just fine. Or this. Or wow.

Also also also, I'm not really sure how anyone here is equating 'subpar' with 'small penix'.. these all seem pretty damn large to me. And I've seen a cock or two in my time.
posted by dirtynumbangelboy at 7:58 AM on April 24

These sites always remind me of that time in the gym when I realized I was the fattest person in the room.

It is not a nice feeling.
posted by The Whelk at 8:06 AM on April 24 [1 favorite]

When do we get a Mefis with iPhones site?
posted by misha at 8:25 AM on April 24

ineedtogotothegym.metafilter.com
posted by Brandon Blatcher at 8:32 AM on April 24 [1 favorite]

When do we get a Mefis with iPhones site?

I'll go first. I sort of think of Flickr generally as a MeFites with iPhones sort of thing.
posted by jessamyn at 8:35 AM on April 24

Come on. MetaFilter used to be a place for links of intellectual interest, or cool stuff with some validity of purpose and even novel and/or intelligent exchange. Yes, it still does that, albeit less and less. Best of the web? An FPP like this just adds to the cheapening of MeFi, yet again. And that's not only silly, it's depressing as hell.

Tell me about it. Did you see this piece of shit on the front page?
posted by shakespeherian at 8:38 AM on April 24 [1 favorite]

Mefite with iPhone.
posted by Brandon Blatcher at 9:48 AM on April 24 [1 favorite]

So how do I read the geocode to find out if any of them are in my neighborhood? I promise to only use the knowledge for good.
posted by kanewai at 1:28 PM on April 24 [4 favorites]

I promise to only use the knowledge for good.

I don't. I mean, if I weren't married. And if I were a gay man.
posted by desjardins at 5:39 PM on April 24

What's that site where pictures from gay men's personal ads were critiqued in terms of the interior decor evident in the backgrounds of the photographs?

No, no, no. Not Lurid Digs. The original one. Obscene Interiors.
posted by jeanmari at 6:28 PM on April 24 [1 favorite]

guyPhone
posted by humannaire at 9:32 PM on April 24

Think of the shitstorm that would ensue if the genders were switched and everyone was discussing breast size instead of penis size. Not everyone can possess a HUGE HOG!!1!!!! and that's okay. Saying someone has "subpar goods" for not possessing a big dick is the same as saying someone is subpar for not looking like a model or not being thin. It's generally not a cool area to delve into.

I think once you start "showcasing" your genitals in a photo, you're pretty much asking for criticism. It's not like this is a site dedicated to artistic black and white photography of the male form, and someone said, "Wow, what a tiny schlong!" These are men who are pulling their underwear down, sometimes in public restrooms, for the purpose of sending a photo of their goods. If I bought a Playgirl and said I wished the centerfold's penis was bigger, I don't think I'd be at fault. When you set out to objectify yourself, don't be surprised when you're objectified.
posted by Evangeline at 9:39 AM on April 25 [1 favorite]

Plus, uhh... Like I said, they've all got big dicks. If you think they don't, I'm kind of concerned about how skewed your perceptions are about penis size.
posted by dirtynumbangelboy at 10:52 AM on April 25

Sites like this are giving men poor body image and making us all want plastic surgery and/or several eating disorders.

Alternatively I suppose I could go to the gym more frequently (and get a phone contract)
posted by fistynuts at 2:14 PM on April 25