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KISS Burger
April 24, 2009 8:57 PM   Subscribe

KISS Burger. Our Meat... Your Mouth.(via)
posted by Joe Beese (29 comments total) 1 user marked this as a favorite

 
I disapprove of KISS Burger.
posted by East Manitoba Regional Junior Kabaddi Champion '94 at 9:03 PM on April 24, 2009


This is worrisomely close to reality.
posted by LSK at 9:07 PM on April 24, 2009


KISS have dominated the world in virtually every way musically and marketing-wise (Gold records, Kiss Caskets, Kiss Condoms, Coffee Shops, etc) -- Why the KISS BURGER chain? Why now?

The music of KISS is condom enough.
posted by twoleftfeet at 9:13 PM on April 24, 2009 [5 favorites]


Terri Gross once interviewed one of the cows that went into a KISS Burger, but NPR has the footage locked away in a secret underground vault.
posted by Blazecock Pileon at 9:24 PM on April 24, 2009


It's conveniently located right next to Gene Simmons Toyota.
posted by bunnytricks at 9:27 PM on April 24, 2009


I'm not a big fan of using fag pejoratively.

From the fake job application 2) How important is it to you that KISS are inducted into the "Rock and Roll Hall of Fame" this year?

Somewhat Important
Extremely Important
They're not in already? Who's the fag running that joint?


And there is also this:

I have a survival instinct in me that has allowed me to succeed at whatever I put my mind toward. There are no failures. I have never even had a sip of alcohol in my entire life simply because I don't want to be off my game for even one second. I look at the competition like I do at Palestinian children -- I want to beat them.

Calling a tuna sandwich a fur burger is funny, but then the kid ruins it with some hate on for a womens group-which is about the only outbound link on the site I came across (not that I stuck around much). Its theoretically possible to have a Palestinian child beating KISS fur burger fag joke site that is funny, but this ain't it.
posted by zenon at 9:30 PM on April 24, 2009 [2 favorites]


I Was Made for Loving Blue.
posted by UbuRoivas at 9:31 PM on April 24, 2009


"And instead of being in a rock and roll band -- who the hell wants to do that? I don't -- I want to be in a rock and roll brand. I want to be Disney without the overhead. And I'm on the way."

npr really does have the interview locked away....
posted by Kronos_to_Earth at 9:32 PM on April 24, 2009


"Due to pressure from the guys over at "The National Organization for Women" KISS BURGER has removed the 'Fur Burger"\' from our menu. We apologize to those in the lesbian community for our poor judgement."

Well, OK then.
posted by mr_crash_davis mark II: Jazz Odyssey at 9:33 PM on April 24, 2009


* checks the via link carefully *

Oh; thank God it's a joke, then.
posted by yhbc at 9:40 PM on April 24, 2009


Apparently it's real, or at least vaporware-real

There was some weird cross promotion with KISS and Canter's Deli last time I was there a few months ago. It just seemed so out of place in Canter's. Celebrity cross promotion? Weird. Canter's is as much an LA/Hollywood institution as freeways are, and sometimes their both nearly as pleasant either way. Just not the kind of schmutz I usually find sticking to the menus there.

But there's always been some weird connection between KISS and Canter's.
posted by loquacious at 10:25 PM on April 24, 2009


KISS Burger: For when you're craving something stale, cheesy, and with an unpleasant aftertaste.
posted by Alvy Ampersand at 11:05 PM on April 24, 2009 [1 favorite]


Why do you hate MetaFilter Joe Beese?
posted by Sailormom at 11:09 PM on April 24, 2009 [1 favorite]


I wanna rock-n-roll all night! And flip burgers every day!
posted by amyms at 11:54 PM on April 24, 2009


I'm either fortunate or deprived to have never heard a KISS song in its entirety except "Rock and Roll All Nite". Probably some of both.
posted by Burhanistan at 12:06 AM on April 25, 2009


Whoever made this reeaaallllyy doesn't like Kiss.
posted by nudar at 12:48 AM on April 25, 2009


OK, it's official - I need to get out more. Did anyone else notice that the addresses for the Kiss Burger locations are actual places of business?

12601 Ventura Blvd - Carney's
8944 Santa Monica Blvd - Motherlode (gay leather bar in West Hollywood)
7734 Santa Monica Blvd - Tomcat theatre (gay porn theatre with Porn Walk of Fame in front, across from the Pleasure Chest)
1433 N La Brea - Crazy Girls (strip club)
2000 Ave of the Stars - large office bldg populated by entertainment law firms & the CAA
5930 Franklin Blvd - Church of Scientology
10236 Charing Cross Road - Playboy Mansion
189 The Grove Drive (the Grove shopping centre, also across from Park La Brea)

All that's missing is Barneys and you have a good circuit of corporate metal sorts of places to be.

Canters & Kiss is a natural - haven't you been to Canters at 3AM? Or the Kibbutz Room?
posted by Grrlscout at 4:53 AM on April 25, 2009


I can haz kissburger?
posted by punkfloyd at 5:52 AM on April 25, 2009


Alright, I admit "Kream Kheese" made me chuckle.
posted by Marisa Stole the Precious Thing at 5:55 AM on April 25, 2009


This ain't an In-n-Out Burger joint.

At KISS BURGER you don't need to be a certified public accountant to figure out how much your meal will cost:

Every single item on the KISS BURGER menu is priced at $2.50! It's that simple. If you're looking to order more than two items from our menu we offer the "KISS KOMBO" Package * - That's right, for just $10 we will arrange any 3 items in a convenient takeout bag or and easy to carry 4-sided tray. (* includes a $2.50 handling fee)


a 2.50 handling fee to place three items into a bag?? Ridiculous.
posted by seawallrunner at 7:01 AM on April 25, 2009


Um... it's a joke.
posted by Grangousier at 8:30 AM on April 25, 2009


the thing that gives it away as a joke is selling a burger for $2.50. gene simmons isn't that cheap of a whore.
posted by msconduct at 10:47 AM on April 25, 2009


Kissburger has nothing on Gwar-b-que, anyway.
MEAT! SANDWICH!
posted by FatherDagon at 11:17 AM on April 25, 2009 [2 favorites]


Give me GWAR over KISS any day. Better music, better costumes, less Gene Simmons.
posted by Marisa Stole the Precious Thing at 11:24 AM on April 25, 2009


Coming Soon: Minor Threat Term Life Insurance.
posted by BitterOldPunk at 12:00 PM on April 25, 2009 [1 favorite]


BitterOldPunk is on to something here.

"Hello, I'm Ian McKay. If you're like me, it's not enough to live a totally substance- and casual-sex-free lifestyle. You need to be sure that if something should happen, your loved ones will have a stepping stone. That's why I created Minor Threat Term Life Insurance. Don't end up screaming at a wall. Enjoy your salad days with peace of mind. Call noOoOoOoOOOOOOOOW!"
posted by Marisa Stole the Precious Thing at 12:52 PM on April 25, 2009 [4 favorites]


Gene Simmons can Kiss my ass.

Detroit Rock City is a great song, though
posted by double block and bleed at 10:53 PM on April 25, 2009


Somebody is trying to get jonmc to come back.
posted by koeselitz at 11:32 PM on April 25, 2009


Marisa Stole the Precious Thing: BitterOldPunk is on to something here.

"Hello, I'm Ian McKay. If you're like me, it's not enough to live a totally substance- and casual-sex-free lifestyle. You need to be sure that if something should happen, your loved ones will have a stepping stone. That's why I created Minor Threat Term Life Insurance. Don't end up screaming at a wall. Enjoy your salad days with peace of mind. Call noOoOoOoOOOOOOOOW!"


Heh heh.

'We...

have
DON'T!! chuggah chuggah chuggah chuggah OVERCHARGE!!

we have

GREAT!! chuggah chuggah chuggah chuggah SERVICE!!

we

WON'T!! chuggah chuggah chuggah chuggah LEAVE YOU HANGING IN THE CASE OF THE UNFORTUNATE LOSS OF A LOVED ONE!!

at

LEAST!! WE!! CAN!!... uh ... MAXIMIZE YOUR ANNUITY!!

Listen: this is no set of rules. We're not telling you what to do. All we're saying is we're bringing up three things that are very important to the whole world that we don't identify as much importance in; And because of these things, whether they are being insensitive to the needs of clients or playing golf, because of that we feel...

... that you should call us for a quote today!
posted by koeselitz at 12:06 AM on April 26, 2009 [2 favorites]


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