"You've got to be taught to hate and fearposted by ericb at 12:20 PM on April 25, 2009 [2 favorites]
You've got to be taught from year to year
It's got to be drummed in your dear little ear
You've got to be carefully taught..."
The Card Cheat: "Right on. I think I've said it here before, but going to high school felt like doing time, right down to the white trash kids taking swings at each other with chairs while nobody did anything. And it's not like the teachers were being role models- one would toss textbooks at kids in the classroom and once shoved a kid face-first in a rosebush.
I'm almost certainly not going to have kids, but if I did I think I'd take a good, long look at the idea of home schooling before deciding to send my kid(s) off to the social meat grinder that is public school."
Ijime - bullying. Not like wedgies or getting your milk money took. Japanese bullying has driven more than a thousand children to suicide. The hatred of anyone "outside the group" combined with the cultural ethic of "if something bad happens, ignore it," allow groups of kids to deliberately target a random kid for destruction, and the rest of the school just looks on, or even joins in because they are afraid they'll be next on the shit-list. The schools cover it up because of that awesome Asian concept of "saving face." Did I mention how much I hate face?posted by kolophon at 5:09 PM on April 25, 2009 [2 favorites]
It starts in kindergarten with kids being isolated and shunned. Not suprisingly kids denied the chance to develop social skills then become easy targets in elementary school. At the other end, bullying ties neatly into mob activity, with wanna-be gangstas extorting junior high school kids with organized beat-downs, and even passing part of their earnings on to their mob bosses.
If you live in Japan, chances are a lot of your friends either were bullies or the victims of bullies. Either way, the ghosts of it will affect them for the rest of their lives. In my experience, the symptoms of somone bullied to almost the point of suicide are, an inability to look at you in the eye, and a nervous laugh, and continually belittling themselves.
The Gay Agendaposted by ericb at 10:01 PM on April 25, 20098:00 a.m. Wake up. Wonder where you are.Rinse-and-repeat.*
8:01 a.m. Realize you are laying on 100% Egyptian cotton sheets of at least ‘300-count,’ so don’t panic; you’re not slumming.
8:02 a.m. Realize you are actually in your own bed in Dupont Circle (for a change). Wake stranger next to you and tell him you are late for work, so you won’t be able to cook breakfast for him. Mutter ‘sorry’ as you help him look for his far-flung underwear. You realize that you tore his boxers off him last night, so you ‘loan’ him a pair of tighty-white briefs, but not the new 2Xist ones because you never intend to see him again.
8:05 a.m. Tell the stranger, whose name eludes you, ‘It was fun. I’ll give you a call,’ as you usher him out the door, avoiding his egregious morning-breath.
8:06 a.m. Crumple and dispose of the piece of paper with his telephone number on it when you get to the kitchen.
8:07 a.m. Make a high-protein breakfast shake while watching CNN. Wonder if the stories you’ve heard about Anderson Cooper are true. Decide they must be.
8:30 a.m. Black or grey suit? Decide to go with black, the only shirt that is clean and the ubiquitous red-striped rep tie.
8:45 a.m. Climb into BMW, trying not to look too much like Barbie driving one of her accessories, as you pull out of your underground parking. Chanel or Armani sunglasses? Go with Armani. Save the Chanel for Rehobeth this weekend.
9:35 a.m. Stroll into The Russell Senate Office Building.
9:36 a.m. Close door to office and call best friend and laugh about the guy who spent the night at your condo. Point out something annoying about best friend’s boyfriend but quickly add ‘It doesn’t matter what everyone else thinks, just as long as you love him.’
10:15 a.m. Leave office, telling your secretary you are ‘meeting with some of your boss’s constituents.’ Pretend not to notice her insubordinate roll of the eyes (or the cloying ‘poem’ she has tacked to her cubicle wall).
10:30 a.m. Hair appointment for highlights and trim. Purchase Aveda anti-humectant pomade.
11:30 a.m. Run into personal trainer at gym. Pester him about getting you ‘Human Growth Hormones.’ Spend 30-minutes talking to friends on your cell phone. Cardio for 30-minutes; lift weights for 20.
12:50 p.m. Tan. Schedule back-waxing in time for Saturday party where you know you will end up shirtless.
1:05 p.m. Pay trainer for anabolic steroids and schedule a workout. Shower, dry and dress while taking ten minutes to knot your red-striped rep tie while you check-out your best friend’s boyfriend undress with the calculation of someone used to wearing a ‘g-string thong’ and having dollars stuffed in his crotch.
1:40 p.m. Meet someone for whom you only know his waist, chest and penis size from Manhunt for lunch at the ‘hot, new restaurant.’ Because the maître d’ recognizes you from the The Crew Club, you are whisked past the Christian heterosexual couples who have been waiting patiently for a table since 1:00 p.m.
2:30 p.m. ‘Dessert at your place.’ Find out, once again, people lie on Manhunt.
3:33 p.m. Make your way to Capitol Hill. Make sure the senator for whom you are an aide votes ‘lock-step’ against your personal interests.
5:00 p.m. Take a disco-nap to prevent facial wrinkles from being so ‘terribly witty.’
6:00 p.m. Open a fabulous new bottle of Pinot Grigio.
6:47 P.M. Bake Ketamine for the weekend. Test recipe. Call ‘Juan’ to score some ‘X’ and ‘White Lady’ (really, just for friends) tomorrow before heading to Delaware for the weekend.
7:00 P.M. Go to Abercrombie & Fitch and announce in a loud voice, ‘Over! So way over!’
7:40 P.M. Stop looking at the A&F photographic displays and the ‘hottie’ retail-boys and go to ‘cool store’ to shop for a new bathing suit (“Does this make me look fat?”) for the weekend in Rehoboth.
8:30 p.m. Light dinner with ‘catty’ homosexual friends at a restaurant you will be ‘over’ by the time it gets its first review in the ‘Washington Blade.’
10:30 p.m. Cocktails at JR’s, trying to avoid alcoholic queens who can’t navigate a crowd with a Stoli in a cheap plastic cup. Get plastered. Invite one of the alcoholic queens home with you.
12:00 a.m. ‘Nightcap at your place.’ Find out that people lie in bars, too.”
He was 11 years old, and he wasn't aware of his sexuality. These homophobic people attach derogatory terms to a child who’s 11 years old, who goes to church, school, and the library, and he becomes confused. He thinks, Maybe I'm like this. Maybe I'm not. What do I do?"I'm not sure how one can tell she's homophobic from that excerpt. She is, however, probably on the right track regarding the motivations of the bullies and the impact of invoking sexual language of any kind. Other people have touched on this in the thread, but I think it bears repeating: this probably has little to do with general antipathy towards gay people. It's a combination of the fact that bullies generally use confrontation about sexuality against kids who barely have an identity as a sexual being (which of course can make kids nervous) and the "otherness" that's inherent in being a minority sexual orientation. We can work on the later issue -- I think mitigating the hardwiring and cultural issues that probably lie behind hostility towards differences is a really, really good idea -- and on bullying in general, but I doubt there's any way to address the general tie-in between bullying and sexual language. It is, as they say, not about sex, but power.
More homophobia disguised as concern. And from the poor dead boy's mother, too.
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posted by Marisa Stole the Precious Thing at 11:49 AM on April 25, 2009 [5 favorites]