A while ago, Michael Jackson...

April 27, 2009 4:08 PM

Photos from the Neverland Ranch auctionA while ago, Michael Jackson was short of cash, and decided to auction off the contents of Neverland Ranch, his combined palace/fun park, down to the last vanity painting and statue. A guy named Paul Scheer went along with a camera, took photos of some of the more peculiar items and put them online. It's certainly a unique collection.
posted by acb (56 comments total)

He appears to have taken that "King of Pop" thing a little too seriously.
posted by Joe Beese at 4:12 PM on April 27

Hmmm....
posted by The Card Cheat at 4:12 PM on April 27 [1 favorite]

Just for context, the Paul Scheer in question is one third of the sketch comedy group Human Giant.
posted by saladin at 4:12 PM on April 27

Truly the best. painting. ever.
posted by GuyZero at 4:15 PM on April 27

i am the commenter, the commenting,
the comment.
i am the snarker, the snarking,
the snark.
i am the preview, the review,
the post.
i am the obscure reference, i am the pop culture,
the talking point.
i am the who, the what,
the why.
i am the metafilter
in you and i.

the aloha
posted by the aloha at 4:17 PM on April 27

AAAAAAAUUUUUUGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!
posted by dersins at 4:18 PM on April 27

YAAAAAAAAAAGH!!!

YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH!!!!

No wonder he went nuts. He spent all his time surrounded by all this weird crap. I'd go mad from the horrible unseeing eyes of that awful red-haired doll alone.
posted by DecemberBoy at 4:20 PM on April 27

Oh God, there's more of them!

What the hell is the deal with these things? What are they supposed to represent?
posted by DecemberBoy at 4:22 PM on April 27

Wow, parents saw the inside of his house and still left their kids there?
posted by zzazazz at 4:23 PM on April 27

No wonder he went nuts.

I think he just preferred them.
posted by gman at 4:24 PM on April 27 [1 favorite]

He appears to have taken that "King of Pop" thing a little too seriously.

Probably. But FWIW if he needs to keep reminding himself how great he is, I sense a lot of self-esteem issues. When I saw the Martin Bashir interview, MJ struck me as someone who was profoundly unhappy in spite of all his success, IMHO...
posted by thermonuclear.jive.turkey at 4:26 PM on April 27

What the hell is the deal with these things? What are they supposed to represent?

COME TO DADDY
posted by Blazecock Pileon at 4:26 PM on April 27 [9 favorites]

This painting seems like the kind of thing that Achewood's Chris Onstad would imagine Michael Jackson spending his money on.

Poor bastard. I could snark about how money doesn't buy taste, but where would he have gotten taste -- from school? During his childhood? When did he have either of those? The more I read about Jackson, the sorrier I feel for him. (Well, except for . . . some things. But let's not.)
posted by Countess Elena at 4:28 PM on April 27 [2 favorites]

The one with the sunglasses on Lincoln et al. is sort of funny. The rest of it is deeply creepy. I can just imagine his attorneys pleading with him to get rid of this stuff.

"Look, Michael, you need the money anyway--why don't you just dump the stuff that's, you know, sexualizing prepubescent children?"

"What are you talking about?"

"..."

"What?"

"...OK, let's just say all of it."
posted by Halloween Jack at 4:29 PM on April 27

Pimp my golfcart? The Guardian has more photos, in settings I'd say are more "professional," but the man was never not professional. Step to Jackson, and he'll cut you, or maybe club you to death with a toy train tea kettle.

Wow.
posted by filthy light thief at 4:29 PM on April 27

COME TO DADDY
when i offered it to him, mj did not want my soul. i guess i have an old heart.
posted by the aloha at 4:33 PM on April 27

Cute With Chris did a sort of photo essay on this. Click through a few pages of commentary and photos, including a quick movie to give you an idea of the scale of things, to get to a nice little reflection on how melancholy the entire situation was to Chris. He is a guy who makes a career out of cynically engaging in kitsch and sentimentality, so his perspective on this was particularly engaging to me.
posted by Mizu at 4:33 PM on April 27

Oh God, there's more of them!

the look on the photographer's face in the mirror is worth a chuckle.
posted by kuujjuarapik at 4:35 PM on April 27

Good argument for strict application of child labor laws to music and entertainment, that stuff.
posted by dilettante at 4:39 PM on April 27 [1 favorite]

You can browse through the full catalogue here.
posted by sevenyearlurk at 4:39 PM on April 27 [1 favorite]

AAAAAAAUUUUUUGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!

I for one welcome our new giant third-eyelid having creepy wax moonwalking motherfucker chimpanzee molesting overlords.
posted by fire&wings at 4:41 PM on April 27

But if you want the golf cart, you'll have to fight off Pete Wentz.

Who else would pose his rhinestone gloves but the King of WTF. (via NY Times)

More pics from Wired, Access Hollywood's tour, nine more pics from Portfolio.com, and a video tour. See the auction books (weird flash viewer), or just check out the exhibition images.
posted by filthy light thief at 4:43 PM on April 27

Step to Jackson, and he'll cut you, or maybe club you to death with a toy train tea kettle.

"I'll moonwalk all up and down your ass!"
posted by Marisa Stole the Precious Thing at 4:44 PM on April 27

You know, I have ever had so much fun laughing at the inner workings of the mentally ill.
posted by Sova at 4:45 PM on April 27

COME TO DADDY

Seriously, though. I hope Aphex buys up some of this stuff and gets his mate Chris on the case.
posted by Blazecock Pileon at 4:51 PM on April 27 [1 favorite]

That's the crazy thing about Richard D. James though, he's probably already working on something that will only be relevant in ten years or so.
It's like he's looking through a window into the future. Not just looking, but also licking....
posted by mannequito at 5:01 PM on April 27 [2 favorites]

I wonder how many of these items were gifts, and how many were commissioned by Jackson. I know celebrities get a lot of strange things from fans. As bizarre as he is, I guess I have a hard time thinking that anyone would commission that many artworks featuring him/herself as royalty.
posted by desjardins at 5:03 PM on April 27

It's like the Liberace museum except that he replaced the ultra-camp with pictures of kids and the self-obsession with a lot more self-obsession.

Oh and it's waaay more tacky.
posted by ob at 5:04 PM on April 27

Step to Jackson, and he'll cut you, or maybe club you to death with a toy train tea kettle.

Because He's Bad, He's Bad-Come On
(Bad Bad-Really, Really Bad)
posted by bwg at 5:06 PM on April 27

What scared me flipping through that catalog is that I have a few of the same things he has.
posted by MegoSteve at 5:08 PM on April 27

There are lots of normal things in the furniture catalog (warning, extremely annoying flash interface that will make you want to poke the web designer in the eye with a fork). For example, a mahogany baby grand piano on page 65. Hell, I would buy some of the stuff if I could afford it.
posted by desjardins at 5:09 PM on April 27

where poke = stab
posted by desjardins at 5:10 PM on April 27

MegoSteve is off my Christmas party list.
posted by gman at 5:13 PM on April 27

And in his right hand is a can of coke, filled with his favourite white wine
posted by mattoxic at 5:20 PM on April 27

MegoSteve is off my Christmas party list.

Check references if thinking of hiring him as a babysitter, too.

I kid, MegoSteve, I kid.
posted by maxwelton at 5:28 PM on April 27

"...I'M SANDER FUCKING COHEN!"
posted by Smart Dalek at 5:37 PM on April 27

I feel sorry for Michael Jackson. Yes, he's clearly got all kinds of issues and had the wealth to back up that level of craziness. When you have a lot of money and fame, reality can be kept at bay for quite some time.

I even wonder if he sexualizes children so much as he has a fetish for the innocence of childhood. He seems desperate to claim a childhood he never had a chance to experience. Sleeping next to little boys — is it a sex thing or attempted childhood by osmosis? It doesn't rub off, but I can't help but think that some part of Jackson's mind thinks so.

What we're documenting here is the disintegration of a fantasyland a man had created in a futile attempt to reinvent himself and grasp for his concept, warped as it was, of what a childhood might be like.
posted by adipocere at 5:41 PM on April 27 [8 favorites]

This would be so much better without the captions, titles and comments.
posted by not applicable at 5:41 PM on April 27 [1 favorite]

It doesn't rub off, but I can't help but think that some part of Jackson's mind thinks so.

You owe me a new monitor.
posted by Remy at 6:09 PM on April 27

Some of this stuff seems down right creepy. Some of it only seems creepy because of the context.
posted by silkygreenbelly at 6:19 PM on April 27

What time does Michael Jackson go to bed?

When the big hand touches the little hand.
posted by pianomover at 6:28 PM on April 27

A Michael Jackson Play Station
posted by pianomover at 6:30 PM on April 27

Definition of professionalism:

The artist who was able to paint His Highness with a straight face.
posted by digsrus at 6:50 PM on April 27

Is this from a Svankmajer short?
posted by kickingtheground at 6:52 PM on April 27

My mind is blown. Thanks for the link.
posted by Sidhedevil at 7:13 PM on April 27

I even wonder if he sexualizes children...

See item #659 on page 100 of this volume of the catalog from Julien's Auctions.
posted by marsha56 at 7:30 PM on April 27

That "best painting ever" is dying to be run through Photoshop's Hitler filter.
posted by autodidact at 7:42 PM on April 27

There's so much snarkable, child-sex-joke stuff in this collection, it's overwhelming.

I mean, he owns a Virtual Boy.
posted by fungible at 7:43 PM on April 27

Why would you ever call a ranch "Neverland"...
posted by Snowstorm at 7:46 PM on April 27

Because He's Mad, He's Mad-Come On
(Mad Mad-Really, Really Mad)

Sorry.
posted by bwg at 2:07 AM on April 28

See item #659 on page 100 of this volume of the catalog from Julien's Auctions.

Yikes
posted by rottytooth at 5:41 AM on April 28

Somewhere, Jeff Koons is feeling really sexy and having a cigarette right about now.
posted by Lipstick Thespian at 7:50 AM on April 28

There was a documentary on this last night. It would appear that all the 'art' was indeed commissioned by MJ himself. The cost of some of the items is astronomical, others are just impossibly expensive. The Triptych (by David Nordahl) showing MJ being crowned, getting knighted and holding a big sword also features a poem by the man himself.

I am the thinker, the thinking,
the thought
I am the seeker, the seeking,
the sought
I am the dewdrop, the sunshine,
the storm
I am the phenomenon, the field,
the form
I am the desert, the ocean,
the sky
I am the Primeval Self
in you and I

Michael Jackson

Nordhal was being paid around $35,000 a picture, so you can bet that one cost at least three times as much. This piece, entitled 'Prince, the Boy King' was entirely conceived by MJ and executed by Nordhal. The expected price at auction is somewhat less than what Jackson paid for the originals.

Also, wax models of oneself cost $25-35,000. They didn't mention what wax models of freakish carrot-topped tykes, or bizarre old ladies cost, unfortunately.
posted by asok at 9:15 AM on April 28

the King of WTF

I think you mean the King of Popping prepubescent cherries.
posted by PeterMcDermott at 9:49 AM on April 28

Paedophilia is an amazing thing. Just being accused of it is enough that even liberals will be happy to hate you. Perhaps now, thanks to all the hate, Michael will finally be allowed to grow up!

Remember all the crap he took over "Bad"? Michael tried being grown-up, and people bitched up a storm. So he went back to being a child, and wound up with this sorry state of affairs.

And does anyone ever consider what it would be like to be a major star, and have one's skin go to hell? So he did all he could, and caught hell for that, too. All because Michael liked being King of Pop, an idol. Or was it that he liked the money? No, probably not that, really. Probably more like, he needed the adoration of fans. I suppose that would be quite addicting under any circumstance, but how much worse when it starts when you're still a child?

Consider how different a Michael Jackson thread would be, had he offed himself, like Judy Garland, for example, rather than trying to find his own way to cope with being himself.

I really don't think Michael was turned on by boys. I think he wanted to be a boy. I can relate to that. While Michael was making it big with "I'll Be There", I was being robbed of my own childhood, locked up in juvie. Michael is 1 year younger than me (blows my mind, he looks so much younger).
posted by Goofyy at 1:13 PM on April 28 [1 favorite]

have one's skin go to hell

Not to mention losing the ability to grow hair on your head after a pyrotechnical mishap during a Pepsi advert filming session.

The footage of MJ and Jordy looks a lot like footage of a man and his favourite toy/lover/child. It is difficult to say what might be going on in MJ's head, but I think he really loved Jordy, which may or may not have involved duck butter. Losing Jordy broke his heart and any chance of happiness for him. Whether or not that is a healthy state of affairs is another matter.
posted by asok at 3:26 PM on April 28